


Survival's Not Enough

by Comet96



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Death, Doctor - Freeform, F/M, Friendship, Marriage, Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2018-08-15 10:00:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 54
Words: 281,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8051971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Comet96/pseuds/Comet96
Summary: Faylin Fairfax meets Rick Grimes and becomes memorised by him at first sight. With Lori out of the picture since Carl turned one, Rick's finally ready for someone else. Their life starts out normal until the 2010 apocalypse hits and they have to survive in harsh conditions. But survival's not enough for Faylin when she thinks Ricks dead. And then he's back ... Rick/OC





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Rick/OC story guys. The first four/five chapters will be based before the apocalypse but after that we'll start with season one and make our way from there. Lori is not in this FanFiction. I haven't replaced her character with another but I got rid of her before she dies in Season three. If you don't like don't read.

_Day 72 - August 8th 2010 - Sunday_

_Greene Farm -_

_The first gunshot that ran through the air startled me awake. I groaned as I clambered from the floor, one hand in my head and I felt the blood that had started to dry on the side of my face. Another gunshot and I was stumbling to my feet._

_What in the hell was going on? More gunshots were going off and I was starting to panic. Where was Carl? Rick? Kelly? Amy? I glanced to where I had heard the gunshots, my eyes resting on the barn where the group had gathered. Hershel was crouched on the floor with a body. Was that someone from the group? Rick was standing next to him a … was that a walker?_

_I was running before I could think about it. I needed to get down there. I needed to be with Carl. I could see him in Amy's arms. Rick was shouting something to Shane, turning to Hershel and then shouting to him. I should have been down there, I should have stopped this._

_I reached the group just as Shane threw open the barn doors, banging on them before stepping back and resting slightly before the group. I could see that most of them had guns, Glenn, Daryl, T-Dog and Andrea. I stopped by Amy's side, my hand coming to rest on her arm. I saw her jump but she sighed in relief when she saw it was me._

_"Come on. Come on, we're out here." Shane called out trying to tempt the things out with his voice._

_It happened all at once. The walkers in the barn climbed out stumbling over the walkers that had been killed, not caring but only wanting to taste our flesh. I could hear Carl's cries over to gunshots and pulled him into my arms. I should have held him as soon as I arrived but I was so stunned. Beth and Maggie were crying, I could hear Beth over the groaning of the dead and the ringing of shots being fired._

_"Stop! Shane stop! Stop!" Rick's voice was distinguishable over the noise. He didn't want this. He didn't want any of this. "Stop!" he cried out and at first it seemed like everyone had listened but once I raised my head from Carl's hair I saw that there were no more walkers to kill._

_It was quite, the guns dying out on the wind but nothing could be heard other than the soft cries of Beth, Maggie and Carl. This shouldn't have happened. We were safe with them locked in the barn. We were safe here. And then Shane had to go ruin it all._

_"No, no, no, no," Carol was mumbling, crying out as shuffling and a hand grabbed hold of the door. I didn't know who it was until they stepped into the light but it had seemed like Carol had known. She had known as soon as she saw the hand. I suppose a mother would know her own child. "Sophia? Sophia! Oh no. Sophia. Sophia. No." she cried out running towards the girl only to be stopped by Daryl. Kelly dropped to her side, holding the woman tightly as she looked over to her daughter._

_Only it wasn't Sophia. Not like we all knew her. She was one of them._

_"Sophia!" Carol cried out clutching onto Kelly's arm, trying to reach her daughter. I glanced over to Shane watching him stand there looking at the girl in disbelief. He started all this yet he couldn't even finish it._

_I turned back to look at Sophia, my heart breaking at the sight of her. She should have been here with Carl, doing chores, getting on with math work and living. She shouldn't have been turned into one of those things. She should have been breathing, she should have been laughing. She should have been alive._

_Rick stepped into my line of view then, blocking the blonde girl from sight. His hand shock slightly before he raised it, pointing it as what was once a sweet girl. Carol's crying grew deeper when she knew what was about to come._

_"Don't watch." I heard Daryl muttered to the grieving mother, pulling her away from the sight of her daughter as the trigger went off and one deafening shot echoed through the air._

_Rick's arm dropped, his shoulders slumping and his head falling against his chest. He had just taken one of the group. She may have been a walker but Sophia was still one of the group. And she was a child. I knew this would end in a nightmare for Rick. He wouldn't be able to deal with this._

* * *

June 2nd 2003 - Monday -

King County General Hospital -

The moment the man entered the office he was beautiful to me. It was cliché actually because I always knew it would be a patient I would fall for. It didn't matter that he looked tired, large bruises forming under his eyes to prove that. It also didn't matter that he was carrying child in his arms. I wasn't actually sure he was my patient, maybe I wouldn't be falling for a patient after all.

"Carl Grimes?" I asked looking between father and son not sure which one was my patient. I had only recently joined the general hospital at King County, where I wanted to finish my interning and doctorate. I was currently between the general hospital and the hospital in Atlanta. I wanted to spend my last year gaining my doctorate in King County as it was the home town of my grandmother.

"You're not Dr. Moore," the father spoke causing me to flick my eyes up to his. Green connected with blue. This man had the most outstandingly amazing eyes I had ever seen. Such a bright blue.

I was almost sure that in that moment I believed in love at first sight. I was not a foolish girl and normally wouldn't believe in such things, though saying that I also wasn't one to have a boyfriend. As an almost twenty year old intern I had more pressing matters at hand.

I was one of those 'special' children as my mother liked to put it. As I grew up it was found that I was highly intelligent for my age. I had no real friends because of it and sometimes I felt out of place, even at home. My parents didn't understand that although I had brains I also wanted to be treated as a normal child. There were lots of children that where talented and seen as special but they did not care.

"No I'm not," I mumbled shaking my head, forgetting my thoughts of my childhood. Ever since my father's death I hadn't spoken to mom. I was not in fact Dr. Moore as the man stated. "She's on maternity leave, I'm just covering for her. I'm Dr. Fairfax, I'll be working in her place for the remainder of the summer." I explained nodding my head towards the bed hoping he would take the hint. I took it to mean that 'Carl' was this man's son as he rested the boy on the padded bed.

Carl was awake yet I could tell that he really wanted to sleep. As a young child any illness tended to take any energy out of them, draining whatever oomph they had quickly. I walked beside Carl's dad and pressed my fingers lightly to the boys head. He had a slight fever, nothing to worry about right now but if it increased I would want to do some tests. His brown eyes looked to me then and my heart almost broke from the raw emptiness they were sending to me. What had this boy been through?

I grabbed my stethoscope, pressing the cold round metal to the boy's chest. Carl jumped forward slightly and his dad's shoulder brushed against mine as he reached to sooth his son. I listened to his heart noting that it was normal for a boy his age but also listened to his breathing. I knew then what the problem was with this little boy.

"He's just got a nasty chest infection," I told his dad stepping away from the Grimes' boys and dropping down into the plush seat at the desk. I turned to the computer as Carl's dad helped Carl off of the bed and clicked on Carl's folder.

Name: Carl Grimes

Age: 4th May 1998 – 5

Height – 66cm/26"

Weight – 44.000lb/3st 2

Suffered from earaches and the occasional cold.

No past operations or hospital stays.

C-section at birth. Decreased blood supply to the placenta before birth, which may lead to a small baby. Baby had a slight fever after birth, reduced after two days in changed temperature incubator.

"How often does Carl come to the doctors Mr. Grimes?" I asked the man as he took the chair beside mine, his son resting on his lap. I found it curious that none of Carl's previous doctor's picked up what I seemed to after looking over his notes.

"It's Rick," he mumbled at the mention of Mr Grimes before looking down to the child in his arms. "Feels like all the time. He gets a nasty cough or small fever." He explained setting his eyes on his dark haired son before looking back to me.

"I want to monitor him, no don't worry nothing's wrong with him. I noticed that he was born with a fever and he had a decreased blood supply in the womb. I think he was born with a low immune system, it might explain why he's always so sick. I don't know why any of his other doctors didn't pick it up with to begin. Carl's a special little boy to have been able to put up with all of this when he could have been treated from the beginning." I told Rick not knowing how Carl's past doctors missed this.

"What?" Rick asked but I knew he understood what I had said to him. It was the shock of having spent five years with his ill son when he could have been treated to stop any of this happening.

"It's actually a common occurrence with C-section babies, I'm surprised most doctors don't even realise it now a days." I said to the blue-eyed man that sat beside me. I could tell that Rick was a man that cared deeply about his son. If there was something that could have prevented his son's sickness he would have done anything for him. "I'll write a prescription for Carl, I'll put it on emergency so you can collect and pay for it down in the hospital pharmacy." I added hoping it would take his mind off of the mistake many doctors had made.

"Is the medication expensive?" Rick asked and I lifted my head to look at him. He was looking at me with a hopeful look that had me understanding everything then. I could see Rick's uniform, he was an officer over at King County Sheriff's Department and I knew that with a child the pay wasn't that great.

"I'll put Carl on under my funding for now, you have no need to worry about paying for him." I muttered finally adding my words down to the prescription so it would be made clear for the chemist.

"You don't need to do that." Rick snapped making Carl jump slightly in his arms at his dad's raised voice. I could also tell that Rick was proud.

"I want to help, and I'm not doing it for you I'm doing it for Carl." I told him shifting in my seat so I was facing him now and not the computer. "There's a committee on the hospital board that allows for part of the hospital to pay for some children's medicine, us doctor's tend to make suggestions and pay for their medical needs. I haven't got anyone on under my name and Carl deserves to be treated for some idiot's mistakes. You can't take that choice from me Rick."

"You don't know us, you don't know Carl. I can't allow you to do that." Rick grumbled clutching his son to his chest tightly as his blue eyes found my green ones. It was true. I had fallen in love at first sight. Rick was everything I wanted in a man, but unfortunately he was married. If there was one man I would wish to be with it would be someone like Rick Grimes.

"If I could choose any kid to put under my name it would be Carl. He needs this medication Rick and if you and your wife can't afford it then please let me help Carl." I begged hating that I had to stoop this low to persuade some to allow me to do my job. I was a doctor, it was my job to help.

"It's just me," he whispered flicking his eyes away from me as he spoke. His words confused me. What was he talking about?

"Excuse me?" I replied noting that my confusion slipped out along with my words. Rick glanced up at me once again and this time he kept his eyes on mine as he spoke.

"It's just me. Carl's mom left him when he was one, signed over all custody to me and then up and left us. She ain't got no say in Carl's life. It's just me." He explained keeping his eyes on mine the whole time and I knew it was to see my reaction.

How could a mother willingly give up their child? Even if I ended up pregnant by accident I would never give up my child abortion or adoption. By bringing another life into the world you had a responsibility to care and love that child. By giving that child up you are failing at a mother, who anyone could do that I would never understand.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled feeling guilty for bringing up possible unwanted memories for Rick. It had been just him and his son for the last four years. I shouldn't have made him think of such horrid memories.

"Not ya fault," he muttered shifting Carl in his arms as the five year old dropped off to sleep. This man was so strong and I felt towards him deeply. I hardly knew Rick Grimes but I had such respect for this guy. For some reason I couldn't look away from him, he drew my whole attention and I allowed my eyes to flick across his face. He looked in his mid-twenties and his figure was great but as he was a police officer I knew he had to be fit for the job. Wonder what he looks like under the shirt. I felt my cheeks flush at the thought and quickly lifted my eyes to his again.

A beep drew my attention away from Rick as a message alert popped up in the computer telling me my next patient was waiting. Rick hard already been in her longer than he should of and I knew how people got when we ran late here.

"Umm, I'd like to make another appointment with Carl and the end of the week just to check up on him." I stated quickly typing the appointment onto my computer so it would be logged. I jotted it down again on an appointment card and handed it to Rick. "I gave you my personal number as well. Please call me if anything happens to Carl, I'm happy to check him free of charge."

"Thank you so much," Rich replied his fingers brushing against mine as he took the card form my hand. I felt the goose bumps run up my arm as his warm skin brushed mine. I was such a sap when it came to this man. Known for a total of five minutes and I've already got a crush on the guy.

"I'll see you Friday Rick," I called out as the man left the room leaving me alone. I dropped back into my chair and took a deep breath. What in the hell have I gotten myself into?

* * *

It was two days after I first met Rick that I was working in the emergency department instead of taking appointments. As an intern at the hospital I went wherever I was told to go. For today it seemed I was needed in the emergency department.

Today was rather busy – made sense since it was the beginning of the summer holidays. A lot more children were coming into the emergency room due to stupid accidents. I can't tell you how many kids broke bones by falling out of a tree – let me tell you that I could count a few of them on both hands.

As I pushed my way through the small crowd I stopped in my tracks when that familiar police attire caught my attention. I had heard from Kelly – the interning nurse – that a police officer was being rushed into the emergency room after a bust up at the Sheriff's Department.

"Rick?" I called out when my eyes settled on the tall, dark-haired, blue-eyed officer. I was happy to say that it wasn't him that was sitting on the hospital bed but another officer with dark hair and dark eyes.

Rick's head snapped towards me when I called out his name and a look of recognition filtered across his face. Was it bad that my heart sped up when I saw he remembered me?

"Dr. Fairfax," he replied giving me a soft smile before turning back to the man on the bed when he grunted something to Rick. "Umm are you here for Shane?" he asked nodding down to the man beside him. I wasn't but it wouldn't hurt for me to see him while I was here. There was no doctor to answer to Shane's call at the moment and I was about to go on my break.

"I'm sure I could look him over before I get lunch." I told him pulling on a pair of gloves as I approached the men.

"Ya don't need to do that," Rick grumbled looking out into the busy emergency room. I could feel his eyes on me but I could also feel his friend's eyes on me as well. I gave Rick a soft smile, placing my hand on his arm lightly as I passed.

"I'm a doctor Rick, I don't mind helping out people." I told him looking over at the patient on the bed. I think Rick said his name was Shane. "So what are ya in for today?" I asked noting the way my voice mimicked Rick's when I spoke to Officer Shane.

"Two prisoners at the Sheriff's Department started a fight. Shane got smacked with a toilet seat." Rick stated sounding very much the officer he looked. It was hard for me to believe that Rick Grimes was an officer but he definitely sounded like one and in his uniform definitely looked like one.

"A toilet seat?" I questioned not fighting the smile that stretched across my face. It was hard to believe that a police officer had been hit round the head with a toilet seat.

"They ain't got a lot to work with in a cell, guess they find what they can use. Metal toilet seat whacked him across the cheek." Rick explained at the smile on my face and the question out of my lips.

"How creative," I whispered grabbing Shane's face in my hands and flashing a light in his eyes to see if he would get a concussion from the bump to the head from the metal toilet seat. "What's ya name?" I questioned wanting to see if the man could tell me basic details.

"Shane Walsh, mama," he told me the slur of his voice allowing me to hear his accent. He sounded much like Rick but I preferred the blue-eyed man to this dark-eyed one. I got the feeling that this Shane guy liked to flirt with the woman, maybe he thought he was some lady killer or something.

"Your age?" I asked not knowing the answers but I knew Rick would say something if he got them wrong.

"24,"

"Date of birth?"

"22nd September 1978," I looked over to Rick and noted that he was nodding to the answers that Shane gave. I felt confident enough that there was no real damage caused by the toilet seat. I brushed my fingers over Shane's cheek taking in a small cut on his cheek bone that had drawn blood noting that it looked quite deep. It'll probably need some butterfly stitches but I could get a nurse to do that.

"You look fine to me, I'll get a nurse to put a few butterfly stitches on your cheek to help it heal. Don't worry no needles or thread needed but I get the feeling ya knew that already." I mumbled to the man pulling off my gloves and reaching for the patient sheet at the bottom of the bed. I quickly filled in my conclusion of the incident and added the need for stitches before handing him the clipboard. "I just need you to fill in these forms and then once ya finished call for the nurse to get your stitches done. You should be free to leave after that."

"Thank ya mama," Shane mumbled in reply and I could have sworn he winked at me as I turned away. I gave Rick another soft smile and passed him, entering the still packed emergency room. I could tell that a few more people had been rushed in but I really needed to go for my lunch break.

"Dr. Fairfax," a familiar voice drawled stopping me in my tracks. I glanced behind me to see that Rick had left Shane and had followed me out. His eyes were so intense I forgot for a moment where I was. I swear to god that this man was driving me crazy.

"Yes Officer Grimes," I questioned waiting for the man to say whatever it was a needed. Rick seemed to hesitate, his eyes flicking around as everyone passed and then turning his head to look back at Shane. "Would you like to join me for a coffee?" I finally asked the man when no words slipped from his mouth. I could tell that he wasn't used to a woman's attentions. Maybe having your wife run out and leaving you with a one year old did that to a guy.

"I should stay with Shane," he muttered weakly but I could not see him attempting to put up a fight against my words.

"Trust me Rick, Shane will be waiting a long time. Why don't you grab a coffee with me," I suggest once again hoping he would just accept already. He didn't answer me with words but when he nodded his head slightly I felt my heart accelerate. Here I was flipping out over an officer of the law.

"Let me just tell Shane," he grunted turning around to the area where Shane waited. The two spoke quickly and I could not hear the words shared between them but it wasn't long till Rick was by my side leading me through the mayhem and to the hospital cafe.

Twenty minutes later I was listening to Rick as he spoke about Shane, sipping my hot chocolate as he sipped away at his coffee. They had apparently been friends since they were little boys, been through school together and even started their training together for the police force. I listened to the way Rick spoke about Shane and I understood then that they were more than friends, they were like brothers. Rick had even called Shane that a few times as he spoke of him.

We dropped into a silent pause, Rick sipping away at his coffee as I took in everything he said. From what I could tell he seemed to be always working. What did that mean for Carl? Thinking about Carl had me wondering how the little boy was doing.

"How is Carl?" I asked breaking the silence as Rick placed his coffee down on the table and looked at me. A small smile appeared in his face and I took it to mean that the little boy was okay.

"One day on that medicine and he's already doing better," he replied giving me an intense look with his eyes. I did not know what the look meant but I wish he would look at me all the time like that. It filled me with heat as his eyes gazed at me like that – god I really needed to sort out my priorities. I was turning into some lust-filled crazy girl and all because of some handsome officer. "Really Dr. Fairfax thank you so much for doing this for me."

"Call me Faylin Rick, I won't have any more of this Dr. Fairfax." I muttered to him reaching over and placing my hand on his gentle as it rested against the table. "I'm really glad Carl is doing much better. Has his fever gone down?"

"He's nearly back to his normal self," Rick replied his eyes resting on my hand as it gripped his. "I didn't know your name was Faylin," he added looking up at me then a funny look in his eye.

"What did you think it was?" I questioned chuckling slightly at the look he was giving me.

"I dunno, something like Katherine," he told me giving me a sheepish look as I raised my eyebrows at his response. "Ya kinda look like you'd have a posh name." he explained when I didn't say anything to his words.

"My Nana named me, mom had postnatal depression after I was born, mom and dad never spoke about names. Mom said she didn't even want me, couldn't stand to look at me. Dad caught her about to smoother me once when I was a few days old. Sent me here to King's County to live with Nana. Still didn't have a name then but Nana said I need a nice strong name because when I got older I would need it." I explained telling this man something it took me weeks to tell Kelly after meeting her here. I was finding myself trusting this man but maybe it had something to do with not being able to lie to an officer.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Rick said to me turning my hand over in his so his thumb was rubbing against the back of my hand in a soothing manner.

"It's no one's fault, mamma was just ill after having a baby it's actually quite common if you'd believe it." I told him shifting my thumb slightly and grazing it over his wrist on the inside of his arm. Rick seemed to inhale quickly and pulled his hand away from mine, leaning back in his seat and looking at me carefully. His eye glanced down at his watch and then back up to me.

"I should be leaving to see Shane, should be ready by now." He grumbled turning back to the groggy parent he was when I first met him. I nodded my head at his words slightly, standing from my chair and looking down at him.

"It was nice seeing you again Rick," I meant my words, it was nice seeing him again and I was looking forward to seeing him again on Friday.

"See ya Friday Faylin," he called out as I left him sitting there in the café. I gave him one last smile before going back to work.

* * *

"Heya Carl," I said softly to the little boy as he walked into the room with his dad. Rick wasn't carrying him this time. I could already tell that he was feeling better from looking at him.

"Hi," he whispered leaning into Rick's side as he peered at me. I looked up at the little guy's dad and gave him a soft smile.

"I can see he's feeling better," I teased nodding to the chair besides mine hoping Rick would get the hint.

"Carl why don't you sit down so Faylin can look at you." He said to the boy nodding his head at the chair in a way to tell his son to do as he told. Carl slowly let go of his dad's leg and clambered up into the chair and then peered at me carefully.

"Aylin?" he asked sounding confused as he looked up to his dad. He must not have known that Faylin was my name only known me as the doctor.

"Dr. Fairfax Carl, her name's Faylin." Rick explained crouching down by his son and looking the boy in the eye. "She's the one that helped get ya better. Faylin's just going to check you over now to see if you're okay." He added and I could just tell that the boy understood what his dad was telling him.

"Okay," Carl muttered looking back to me and giving me a shy smile.

"I'm just gonna listen to your heart little guy," I told him pulling my stethoscope from my neck and pressing the metal under his shirt. He jumped slightly like the first time but I knew he was hurt just shocked. "Yeah that's cold right little guy?" I asked receiving a nod from the boy as I listened to his heart.

Everything seemed to be normal and much better than when I saw Carl on Monday. I slid the metal down his chest slightly listening to his breathing and was happy that it seemed to return back normal.

Rick's phone went off the shrill ring making both Carl and me jump as it interrupted our silence. Rick gave us a sheepish look before standing up and answer the phone, stepping over to the corner of the room.

"I can't right now Shane," Rick grumbled down the phone and I looked over to him. His hand was running through his hair, the usual sign of stress for some people. "No I said I can't. I ain't got no one to watch Carl." His voice was getting stressed with each word. I felt sorry for him then. This man was wanting to care for his son but it was obvious that he needed other things to do as well – not that I knew what they were. "Just tell the Sheriff I ain't got a sitter, he'll understand."

It was work. Rick was being called into work but he couldn't go because he didn't want to leave his son. This was his way of earning money but he couldn't do that because there was no one to watch Carl.

"I can help you Rick," I interrupted feeling both Rick's eyes and his sons on me. Hey I was willing to look after the kid but Rick hardly knew me. My Nana ran a child-minding company and I was sure she wouldn't mind watching the boy so his dad could go work.

"How?" he asked looking at me anxiously. I would do the same thing. I didn't really look that old and I wasn't even legal yet but I knew what I was doing.

"My Nana runs a child-minding company. She won't mind watching Carl." I announced hoping he would accept the offer I had just presented him with. "A lot of the kids round here have been too her house at least once, I'm surprised you haven't heard of her before."

"What's your Nana's name?" Rick asked and I knew that he would know her if she was a local.

"Charlotte Riggs," I told him noting the acknowledgement plaster to his face as he took in the name.

"Your Nana's Charlotte Riggs?" he asked and I knew that he had heard of her. I gave him a soft smile and nodded my head at his words. I looked down to Carl and took the stethoscope buds out of my ears and placed them gentle in Carl's letting him hear his own heart as I spoke to his dad. Carl's eyes grew as he listened to his heart and he looked up at me with a large smile.

"The one and only," I muttered to Rick as I stood up from the chair and over to him. "I swear to you Rick she wouldn't mind watching him for you."

"She used to watch me when I was younger," he admitted his cheeks flushing at his words. Huh it seemed like a small world in this place.

"She used to watch me to," I teased hoping it would make him feel more obliged to accept. Rick sighed deeply for some reason I knew then that he had given in.

"Fine, but if she ain't happy with it I'm blaming you." He told me trying to sound stern but I could see the smile on his lips.

"If you want to get to work I can take him there," I added as Rick rested his hands against this hips and looked over to his son. Carl seemed fascinated by the stethoscope and was ignoring his dad and me but moving the metal over his chest and placing it on his stomach. The boy let out a small giggle and I could only assume that he could hear the grumbling of his stomach. "Carl was my last appointment and I'm heading home now anyway. Makes sense for me to take him."

"Are ya sure?" Rick asked looking uncertain with this. It must have been the first time he was trusting his son in the arms of someone he didn't know.

"Rick I'm a doctor, I can handle kids." I assured him and nodded to his son. "See I got him to laugh didn't I?"

"I suppose you're right," he grumbled looking to his son again. "I'm not sure when I'll be back, I'll send you a text." He mumbled and I remembered then that I had giving him my personal number in Monday.

"It's fine Rick, you should go. Shane didn't sound happy." I muttered walking him over to the door, resting my arm on his shoulder softly. "We'll see you later." Rick nodded at my words giving one last glance to Carl before closing the door and leaving me with the five year old. The boy looked at me then and frowned when he didn't see his dad. "Your dad had to go to work. I'm gonna take you to my Nana's and she'll help look after you until he gets back."

Carl seemed to take in my words, nodding slightly before placing the metal of the stethoscope back on his chest. It seemed this kid was easy to distract.


	2. Chapter 2

"Carl, baby you feeling alright," I asked the boy as he hunched over the table, tapping his fingers on the surface.

Ever since that afternoon when I told Rick that my Nana would watch Carl the boy had been coming over after school or the weekend mornings while his dad worked. In all honesty this worked well for Rick as my Nana refused to accept money for watching the boy. Now eight months down the line Carl had become part of my small family.

Most evenings Rick turned up just before dinner and my Nana forced him to stay by saying that a growing boy Carl's age should be getting regular meals around the same time. There was only now at least two out of seven days when the boys didn't join us for dinner.

"I'm fine," the almost six year old grunted reminding me of his dad. The two boys hardly spent time with each other during the week but Rick had almost the whole afternoon off on the weekends but occasionally did the night shift on a Friday or Saturday. That meant Carl either stayed at mine and Nana's or Shane's if he wasn't working with his partner. The boy was more used to female company now than that of male.

"Your dad will be here soon buddy, don't worry." I told him running my hand through his hair and placing a light kiss on his cheek.

"Aylin, why does dad have to be a police?" the little boy asked turning his head to look up at me and he looked away from the picture book he had been staring at. I sighed deeply knowing that this question would come up one day. Over the eight months that Carl and Rick had been in my life, Rick had turned up after work with the occasional split lip or bruise. Carl had noticed and I knew that it scared the boy to see his dad like this.

"Look Carl, I understand that you wish your dad didn't come back hurt but he likes helping people. It's in your daddy's blood to help people. If you ask him to stop he won't be happy will ya buddy. Do you want your daddy to get upset because he can't do something he loves?" I asked the boy crouching down in front of him and watched as his dark eyes took me in. I knew he understood my words, he was rather clever for his age if I had to say so.

"Will you be here if anything happens to daddy?" he whispered and I could see the tears shining in his eyes as he looked down to me.

"Of course I will buddy, you are part of mine and Nana's family now." I replied to him resting my hand on his knee in what I hoped was a comforting way. Carl jumped from his chair and wrapped his arms around my neck, pressing his face into my skin.

"I love you Aylin," he mumbled into my neck as we wrapped himself tighter around me.

"I love you too Carl," I whispered to the boy, securing my arms around him as he hugged me tightly. I ran my hand through his hair and stood from the floor with him still in my arms. "Let's go to the lounge on the sofa and watch The Lion King until daddy gets back." I muttered to the boy knowing he loved that Disney film at the moment.

* * *

Something soft swiping across my forehead had me waking with a start. I couldn't remember exactly where I was for a minute and then I realised that Carl and I had both drifted off to sleep on the sofa during the film. I could see that the film had restarted itself and the dim glow of the screen lit up the room for me.

Rick was leaning on his knees by the sofa and it had been his fingers that swiped across my head.

"Hey," I whispered as my eyes locked with his before drifting down to the little boy who lay on me. Carl's head was presses to my chest, it looked like he had been listening to my heart. His body was beside mine in between the sofa and me. His arm was resting over my stomach and his legs tucked alongside mine. It was probably a comfortable position for him. "What time is it?" I asked when I noted it was still dark outside.

"Late but early," Rick grunted looking down to Carl like I just had. I sighed moving my free hand that wasn't wrapped around the boy and placed it gentle on Rick's face so I could get him to look at me.

"Where have you been?" I questioned hoping it had been work that kept him out late. Rick sighed deeply as if he had been carrying a heavy burden and shook his head.

"Had another fight at the department," he said in way of explaining. There had been a lot of them lately. "Shane and I had to take someone to Atlanta when the sheriff ran him through the system. Some drug lord or something." He added letting me know more about what had kept him away from his son.

"Did you eat?" I asked knowing Nana had plated him up some dinner for when he returned. Rick nodded his head at my words but I found it hard to believe he would actually pick something up to eat if he was working. I sent him a look that told him I didn't believe him and he rolled his eyes at me.

"Me and Shane picked up a take out to eat on the way back," he told me giving me a small smile before shooting his eyes down to Carl as the boy sifted in his sleep. "I'll take him home now,"

"No, it's too late and Carl's asleep already." I told him grabbing his hand as he went to move the sleeping boy. "Stay tonight Rick, go sleep in my bed. We'll be fine down here."

"I don't know if it's a good idea," he grunted looking between me and his son.

"Rick go get some sleep, I can tell you're shattered." I mumbled to him and I wrapped my arm around Carl tighter. Rick glanced at Carl once again before lifting his eyes to mine and nodding slightly. "Second door on the left." I told him as he stood from his kneeled position. His lips brushed against Carl's hair softly before he placed them on my head and left the two of us on the sofa like he found us.

I felt my cheeks heat from where he pressed his lips to my head and I looked away from him when he sent me once last glance before climbing the stairs. I lifted my hand and dragged the blanket off the back of the sofa and draped it around the pair of us.

* * *

I was up early the next morning over by the stove while Nana sat at the table going over the paperwork for her child-minding service. She had a centre downtown, large enough for most of the kids in Kings County but not all of them went to Nana's. Funnily enough that was what the centre was called 'Nana's'.

The place was amazing, there were different areas inside the place for different sized children. A small nursery for babies, new-born to one and then one for toddlers. After that it was for those four to six and then for those that were seven and above. Nana had many people working for her now, it was a great place for high-schoolers to get a job over the summer, and every hand was needed during that time.

Nana had the ones seven and over working on school work during term time and during the summer she always had them working on something else before they could play. I always thought it was more of a summer school sometimes but it did wonders and everyone loved Nana's place.

Although the last couple of months she hadn't been going there much after picking Carl up from school. She normally brought Carl back to the house but there were times when she took him to the centre and then took him home before six to start dinner. Although the centre was open on the weekends – Nana always said she would have it open even when she's dead it would be open – she hadn't stepped foot inside the building on a weekend for eight months.

It seemed all her attention was on Carl as if he was another grandchild and to be honest I think she enjoyed having a child around the house that wasn't too old to enjoy her reading before the open fire on Saturday nights.

"Fay you're gonna burn the bacon if you don't watch it," she chided me as I snapped from my thoughts at her words. She was the only person to ever call me Fay. It wasn't a name I liked, normally wanting to be called Faylin but over the last couple of years many people had been calling my 'Red', due to my copper curls that hung past my waist and almost touched my bum. And then there was Carl that called me Aylin, he was the only one to call me that but I liked it that way.

"Sorry Nana," I muttered flipping the bacon and walking over to the fridge to pull out the carton of orange juice. As a Sunday it was almost customary for us to have bacon for breakfast. Carl had asked once before if he could have bacon and now whenever he stayed the night we would have it the next morning. Orange juice was just my thing and I enjoyed it with a cooked breakfast.

As Rick spent the night last night as well I decided to do a big cooked breakfast with sausages, bacon, eggs, potatoes and biscuits. It wasn't often that I cooked with Nana being an early riser and starting on food before anyone else was up but I did know how to cook. I was taught by the best and I think Nana would be ashamed if I burnt a simple cooked breakfast by mistake.

I was checking the biscuits in the oven when Carl's piercing scream echoed through the house. It had my hair standing on end. It sounded like one of those screams of pain but I had left him on the sofa wrapped in the blanket. He couldn't have gotten hurt alone in there. Nana's head shot up at the noise and I could hear Rick stomping around upstairs but in the moment I could care less. Carl could be hurt.

I rushed out of the kitchen and into the lounge faster than I thought possible to see Carl sat up on the sofa, tears streaming down his face and his chest rising without a stop. He looked terrified and my heart broke for him then. His eyes snapped to my face when I entered the room and a look of relief went on his face and he jumped from the sofa.

"Mom!" he called out wrapping himself around me with an oomph. The power of his charging at me had me falling backwards into a soft but hard wall. Hands placed themselves onto my arms, stopping me from falling and I knew that Rick had rushed down the stairs to his son. "Momma," Carl cried pressing his face into my stomach as more tears spilled down his face. I felt Rick tense behind me at his son's words and I didn't miss it. Was Carl calling me mom?

"Carl, sweetie are you okay?" I asked the boy wrapping my arms around him and running my hands through his hair the way I knew he liked it. He shook his head into me, more tears spilling from his eyes as he sniffled. "What's wrong?" I asked for all three of us. I asked Carl because he had gotten so upset over something and it worried me. But I also asked because his dad was also worried probably more than me.

"You died!" he cried out looking up at me his dark eyes shining with his shed tears. I tensed slightly at his words and felt Rick do the same behind me. I knew that this had something to do with the talk we had yesterday.

"It's okay baby, I'm fine. Look, I'm right with you now darling," I soothed to him feeling Rick place a hand at the bottom of my back.

"But dad was meant to save you!" Carl stressed out looking to his dad now as if he just noticed him standing behind us. "You told me he saved people! Why didn't he save you?" Carl shouted looking to his dad with anger in his eyes. Rick tensed once again at his son's words but I leant back into him telling him that it was okay.

"Carl, honey it was just a dream." I told him crouching down in front of him, taking his hand in mine and lifting my other hand to cup his face. "Your daddy would never let anything happen to me. You know it, I know it and he knows it. We're family and your daddy likes me so he won't let anything happen to me if it hurt you." I stated to him wrapping my arms around him and pressing my lips to his head as he sighed deeply. "Nana's in the kitchen, I bet ya she's finishing breakfast off." I added giving him a slight push out the door towards the kitchen.

Carl gave me one last look as if he was checking I was still here before leaving. I sighed deeply, dropping my head in my hands and I let my legs drop to the floor beneath me. I felt Rick drop beside me, his hand resting lightly on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" he asked roughly, sleep clear within his voice. I bet Carl's creaming had woken him up. Only a few minutes later and he would be woken up by the smell of breakfast.

"I'm fine, just worried about Carl." I muttered turning to face him from my seat on the floor. "He asked me last night why you worked as an officer. I'm afraid it had something to do with his dream." I told him leaning toward him slightly. Rick looked horrified at this but nodded his head at my words as if he understood what I meant. "I think you should talk to him about it. You come home sometimes with bruises or cuts and he doesn't miss them Rick. I think he's afraid he's going to lose you or something."

"I'll talk to him," Rick assured me standing to his feet and then helping me up. We both turned to look when Carl's laughter filtered from the kitchen. It seemed Nana managed to cheer him up. "I'm sorry about him call you mom." Rick muttered running his hand through his hair with nerves. I knew he would say something about it but I didn't mind really. Carl was already like my son, I spent almost every day with the boy for the last eight months. He was like a son to me even if I was too young to have been his mom.

"Don't worry about it Rick, it doesn't bother me." I told him looking over towards the kitchen, I could see the two of them through the open door and noted that Carl was placing the biscuits on a plate while Nana placed the plates around the table. "Come on let's have breakfast." I mumbled to the man beside me leading him into the kitchen.

* * *

"Carl what are you doing?" I asked the boy as he snapped his head to me, his eyes wide with surprise.

"Nothing!" he shouted dropping whatever he had in his hands to the floor and stepping toward me.

"Carl, what have I told you about lying?" I asked the boy crossing my arms against my chest and looking down at the almost six year old boy. It was his birthday the next day and I knew he couldn't have been more excited.

We were having a small dinner to celebrate. It had been Carl's idea and he wanted a dinner here at Nana's. Carl had gotten used to being around here and I knew he saw it as his own home now more than his own. He was here more than his own home, spending most nights here now and Rick didn't want to argue with him almost always falling asleep on the sofa.

Tomorrow night it would be him, Rick, Nana, me and Shane. Carl only wanted the five of us, not even any kids at school. Rick had complied with his son, giving him what he wanted.

"Not to do it," he grumbled resting his hands on his hips just like his dad. That brought a smile to my lips and I raised my eyebrows at the boy waiting for him to tell me what he was hiding. The boy sighed and picked up what looked to be a card form the floor and handed it to me.

_Happy Mother's Day_

The card read and I felt my eyes widen at the card. It had been mother's day at least two months ago in March. We had only just entered May now and it was almost the fourth – Carl's birthday. I opened to card and felt a smile come to my face at the inside.

_To Aylin,_

_I hope you have a wonderful mother's day_

_Love Carl x_

"I was gonna give it to you on the day but I wasn't sure you would like it," he mumbled looking at me carefully as I read the card. It was sweet and I was sure then that the boy felt the same way about me that I did for him.

"I love it Carl," I told the boy kissing his head lightly and closing the card. "Why didn't you give it to me before?" I asked watching as the boy shrugged and looked away from me.

"I didn't know if dad would like it." He whispered hugging me quickly before pulling back. "I'm gonna go play outside now." I nodded my head at his words and watched as he ran to the backdoor, leaving me standing alone in the kitchen.

I held the card tightly in my hand as I watched the boy play around with a soccer ball like any other boy his age. I didn't realise Rick had entered the kitchen until he placed his hand on my shoulder and nudged me slightly.

"He's getting bigger right?" he whispered as he watched his son in the garden. I nodded my head at his words and lifted the card I had in my hands to the dad. Rick took the card from my hands and I saw him freeze from the corner of my eye. He always got like this when Carl slipped and called me mom. I think the boy knew I didn't mind and he never called me it when his dad was around but other than that he forgot that he shouldn't call me mom. "I'll get him to stop." Rick sighed deeply and I knew that he was only doing this so Carl wouldn't get his hopes up. It wasn't fair to Carl to think he would be getting a mother role in his life only for me to be sent to another hospital to work to for me to be ripped from his life.

"I don't mind it Rick," I told the man looking out at the garden at the sweet boy as he tripped over the ball and fell to floor laughing. It brought a smile to my face and I knew then that I did love this boy. I loved him like Nana loved me and I knew that Carl was like a son to me then. It scared me a little, I was only turning twenty-one this October but I already saw this six year old boy as my son. "I actually like it," I added not turning to face the man as I stared out at his son.

I could feel Rick staring at me but I still didn't look away from Carl. He had me memorised and I loved seeing him happy. I knew he worried about Rick far too much for his age and it made him different from those his age, but seeing him now, running around and acting like a child had me happy.

Rick's hand touched my face lightly then and I jumped slightly as his fingers brushed my chin. They were rough but I had never felt anything better in my life. I sighed and leant into his fingers not bothering to keep my face away from him as he turned me to face him. His eyes held something I could not name but my heart fluttered as his fingers gripped my face lightly and pulled me closer to him.

Rick and Carl had been in my life for nearly a year now and I could not help but fall in love with this man the more time he spent with me. At first I thought it was just me but there were times over this year that I questioned myself. There were lingering stares between us, light lingering touches that wouldn't seem anything but friendly and he was always checking up on me. He was always making me feel safe and asking if I was okay. It brought my hopes up and I told Kelly – who had become a close friend to me over the months – about my feelings towards him and she said it seemed he liked me too.

There had been no proof that he liked me. No proof until now.

His fingers brushed against my chin lightly, running over my cheek and cupping it within his palm. I linked my eyes with his then and was taken back by the fierce, wild look in his eyes. His other hand came up to my face quickly and within seconds his lips were on mine in a hard searing kiss.

There was so much passion in this kiss and I felt like it had been building up for a long time. I felt like this kiss should have happened a few weeks after we met not a year. Rick pulled me closer to him, his hands sliding away from my face and resting on my waist where he pulled me against his body.

This was perfect, this was what I wanted since I met him. I had known that this man was the one I wanted since the moment he walked through the door. I wasn't one of those girls that believed in love at first sight but with Rick it was different. This man made me feel things that I had never felt when with other men. He brought out feelings in me that had me wanting to be with him. I had never wanted to be with any man before always thinking work was more important until I met Rick.

Rick pulled away with a sigh, his forehead resting against mine. His breath fanned out against my face and it made me shiver with pleasure.

"I've wanted to do that for ages," I whispered smiling slightly at my words. Rick pulled me even closer to him and pressed a kiss to my head before resting his against it again.

"Me too," he chuckled running his hands up my back before lifting his head and resting it on top of mine. I dropped my head till it was resting on his chest and breathed him in. Rick had an amazing smell, one that I had become accustom to over the months. I hope that this wasn't just going to end here. I hoped that we could try to make this work between us because I knew now that if Rick pulled away from me and shut me out I would be lost.

I had already begun to rely on him. I expected Carl to be with me almost every day and I found that I missed him when he didn't have to come here. Carl had become part of my family and hopefully Rick would as well.


	3. Chapter 3

Kelly looked at me carefully as she sipped at her coffee. I knew her look, it was of disbelief, and she didn't believe me.

"So you and Rick haven't had sex yet?" she asked giving me a raised eyebrow as if that would answer all the questions in the world. I flushed at her words, I don't know why though considering she had always assumed Rick and I had gone further than that in our relationship already. I shook my head no at her words. "You've been together for six months now, surely you've gotten that far?" She muttered not believing a word I had been saying about our relationship.

"We wanted to go slow," I explained to her knowing I had told her this when Rick and I first got together. We wanted to start out slow just in case it didn't go to plan, we didn't want Carl to get his hopes up only for them to be crushed.

"How slow can you go? I mean I've seen the guy around you and I can tell he wants to get you between the sheets and not wait." She told me and I knew she was right. Rick was ready, said Carl didn't need to know how serious the relationship was but I wanted to wait.

Rick was my first boyfriend, I never had one at school, always being ahead of people my age and I finished college at sixteen. After that I went straight into medical school and didn't need to focus on guys only my medical degree. Most of my young life during school and that was focused on school and not other things such as boys and messing around instead of focusing.

"I want to wait, he knows that." I told her finally about to admit that I was still a virgin even though I had just turned twenty-one – today that is. "I've never been with a guy before and I want to make sure Rick's the right guy for me." I added knowing that Rick was the right guy.

It actually didn't have anything to do with whether or not he was the right guy. It kind of made logical sense if we waited until I turned twenty-one before we took our relationship further. Legally we could have sex but as I was not even able to drink we wanted to wait what with Rick as an officer.

"Well how does Officer Grimes feel about you leaving him tonight to come party with us?" Kelly asked knowing I still hadn't told Rick that I was planning on going out tonight with the girls instead of spending it with him. I mean sure he was my boyfriend but Kelly had been planning this for months and I couldn't go back on her now.

"He'll have to deal with it baby," I teased getting up from my chair as I looked at the clock. One o'clock on the dot and the end of my shift. "You picking my up at six and we heading to Atlanta?" I asked knowing her plans as it was all she could talk about all month.

"Sure will baby," she replied using the pet name we had given each other. We had both said that we would never use 'baby' as a term of endearment in a relationship and decided to use it on each other instead. She was the closest friend I ever had and I knew she was probably my best friend. "Just make sure that man knows I'm taking my best girl out tonight and if he wants to stop me he'll have to lock me up," she added knowing it would bring a smile to my lips with her teasing.

"Remember not to dress up tonight and tell the others. It may be Halloween but it's my birthday and I want to go out and not be in fancy dress." I told her grabbing my bag and waving goodbye to the brown-haired girl before leaving to meet Rick and Carl for lunch at the dinner. And I was going to tell Rick I was going out tonight. Not going to be fun.

* * *

He was watching me. Although I could see him in the mirror I could feel the burning of his eyes as he watched me dress. I knew he wouldn't like it but he couldn't stop me from doing it. Carl understood and that boy was just a boy. Yet his daddy didn't like the idea of me going into the city with the girls from the hospital for a few drinks.

"Rick, we've been over this." I told him slipping into my heels before turning to face the man. He wasn't wearing his uniform for once but I loved seeing him in his jeans and shirts. I loved the way his jeans hung on his hips and the way his shirt clung lightly to his chest allowing me to see his toned body underneath.

"I don't like the idea of you going out there," he murmured telling me once again how he felt about the matter. When I told him at the dinner he stayed quiet until we got back to Nana's then he let me have it. Said I shouldn't be going into the city, not even with the girls on a night like tonight.

I knew what he was talking about. So many accidents happened on Halloween and I knew he was just thinking I would be another one.

"I'll be fine," I told him knowing he wouldn't believe me even though I was sure I would be fine. After all I wasn't going out there alone and Kelly and I had been taking some lessons at the gym – we would protect ourselves. Rick knew that I just don't think he wanted me so far from him. "Atlanta is an hour away, I'll ring you when we get there if it makes you feel better." I added hoping he would just shut up and let me leave already.

I gave him a small twirl, slightly unsteady in my heels and gave him a look asking what I looked like. The dress I was wearing was an off-white colour and was made of silk with an under layer of some other material that would keep me warm in the cold. There was a black bow tied loosely around the neckline of the dress and a black belt around the waist that showed off the curves I was proud to have. I wasn't stick thin or worried about being stick thin like other girls my age. As a doctor I knew it was best to have a healthy body. I was happy with my slightly large hips, fair breasts and tender waist. As my Nana said I had a woman's figure not that of a stick. Under the white dress I had on some black tights and my black heels. I was clutching my black bag in my hand and stopped my twirl at the look on his face.

"Do you have to wear that?" he asked and I knew he wasn't happy. My face feel at his words. Did I look bad?

"Is it bad?" I muttered feeling my eyes shine with tears. I had put a lot of effort into this outfit and Rick had to tell me it didn't look nice.

"You look beautiful," Rick grumbled running his fingers under my eyes stopping my few tears from slipping further down my cheeks. What was this man saying?

"Why don't you want me wearing this then?" I asked shrugging out of his hands and walked over to the window were I heard Kelly beep the horn to her car. I could see her turned to face someone in the back seat. Probably Amanda and Holly. Those two girls were joining us tonight and then we were meeting the others in Atlanta. It was only us four that lived in Kings County, the other four lived in Atlanta. "Look Rick I have to go, I promise I'll be okay." I told him turning away from the window and walking over to the man I was falling deeply in love with. I pressed a kiss to his lips before pulling away from him.

As I went to leave the room his hand captured mine and pulled me to his side. His hands were on my face and he pulled me tightly to him as he kissed me. I knew what the kiss meant. He knew what the days after tomorrow meant. After this we could be together and take the next step in our relationship – it both excited me and scared me.

"You look beautiful," he told me again pulling away to look me other. "Don't let any guys look at you, okay?" he added and I knew now why he asked if I was going to wear this. Rick was jealous and that's why he didn't want me too far from him.

"I promise Officer and if anyone gets close I'm sure Kelly will use her pepper spray on them." I teased pressing my lips to his one last time before slipping past him and out the house. Tonight was going to be somewhat fun. Well, Kelly told me it would be fun so I had to believe her with the trust I held for her.

* * *

Music was buzzing in my ears, the beat thumping through the floor and up through my body. It was packed in here, half the people dressed up in fancy dress for Halloween the other half dress like us girls had. When we arrived we were joined by Becca, Abbi, Chloe and Rachel. The eight of us slipped into the club with free passes – the bouncer's way of saying happy birthday to me. It was then the girl's tasks to find us guys that would buy us a few free drinks to celebrate my birthday – let's say that was fun to watch.

The only thing wrong know was that I couldn't find Kelly. We had been here a while – I knew it was at least half eleven now – time apparently flew by when you went out drinking with the girls. I had called Rick like I said I would. But that was hours ago and now I missed him, I missed his voice and I wanted to go home. Only thing wrong now was that Kelly had my phone and I wanted to call Rick.

"Holly have you seen Kelly?" I shouted over the music hoping the blonde girl could hear me. All six of the blonde girls looked over at me, stopping their dancing to look around for the brown-haired girl. Kelly and me thought it was funny that our six other friends were blonde but those lot said it took them a lot to let the two of us join their 'group' since we weren't blonde as well.

"She said she needed some air!" Chloe shouted before Holly could and I nodded at her words before given them a small wave before leaving for the exit. I had accepted the stamp when we came in so I could get in again after leaving the club.

I gave the bouncer a smile when I left and he returned it giving a dip of his head as he watched me walk away from the club. There weren't many places around her that Kelly would go and if Chloe said she was getting air she would have stayed close to the bouncer. I shivered in the cold and went to turn and enter the club again when a small shriek from the alley caught my attention. It sounded like a cat but my curiosity always got the better of me.

Kelly was in the alley but she wasn't catching her breath like Chloe said she was. Instead she was what looked to be fighting off a large man as he pinned her to the wall. She was shaking her head at him, keeping her lips from his as he squeezed her arms tightly. Her eyes found mine and she shook her head in warning. She was telling me to back off but she knew that I wouldn't be able to do it. I couldn't leave her to get molested by this man.

I ignored her as I rushed toward the man and threw myself at him hoping it would knock him away from Kelly. He didn't move much but his movement allowed Kelly to slip from under him and dig around in her bag for something. The man snapped his eyes to me then and I knew I shouldn't have pushed him but Kelly mattered more to me in that moment.

"Ya stupid bitch," he grumbled reaching out for Kelly once again but I slapped his hand away before he could even touch her. His eyes snapped to me then and I felt his eyes roll over my body making me feel disgusted. He was one of those guys I could tell.

"Leave her alone!" I snapped making sure he had his eyes on me and not Kelly.

"Red stop it," she hissed slapping my shoulder with her hand before digging in her bag again. There was obviously something in there that she needed.

"Shut up Kelly," I whispered to her when the guy's eyes flickered to her again. "Look big guy, you won't be getting your grubby hands on her tonight so I think its best you just leave." I told him asking sure I was standing in front of Kelly to hide her from view. It wouldn't do much seeing as the girl was taller than me but at least it would keep most of her from his eyes.

The man stood there for a moment, setting his hands in his pockets and looking between me and Kelly. I hope he would get the hint and leave us alone. I wasn't beyond yelling for help, something we should have done before.

"Alright," he grumbled and slunk into the shadows, disappearing from sight. I stood facing the direction he left making sure he had left before turning to face Kelly. She looked haggard and I knew it was a close call for her but she wouldn't admit it. She would try to stay strong for me.

"Kelly are you –" the breath ripped from my throat as a searing pain erupted in my side. I couldn't scream but I knew that there was something wrong. I dropped my eyes to the centre of my pain and saw a long black handle sticking from my side.

"Tech ya for talking to me like shit ya bitch." The guy's voice roared into my ears as his hands gripped the knife and pulled it from my side. I could feel it ripping from inside me and I knew as a doctor that he had caused a lot of damage. The pain was unbearable but I couldn't bring myself to scream. I knew that if I screamed and used my voice I would have less chance of surviving.

"No!" Kelly shouted dropping her bag to the floor but aiming the black gun she had at the man. Where in the hell did she get a gun? Was all I could think in that moment. Kelly glanced at me quickly as I crumpled to the floor as the man pushed me forward before flashing her eyes back to the man.

I could see the look in her eyes. I had never seen that look before in anyone's eyes until then. She looked ready to murder and she didn't hesitate about it. I felt the man step forward and as he did so a loud bang rang through the alley and the drop of the man's body had me shaking slightly.

"Fay, baby can you hear me?" she asked using my Nana's pet name for me as she dropped to her knees and pushed me onto my back. I could feel myself going into the darkness. I had never been in this much pain before and I knew I wouldn't be able to stay awake much longer. Kelly pressed down on the wound and I knew she was doing it to keep pressure on it to stop the blood but it hurt. I screamed out in pain then and reached up to grasp her hands. I needed her to stop.

"Let – go!" I breathed out struggling with just two words. He must have punctured a lung. I thought as Kelly gave me a stern look and pressed down harder. "Please," I begged hoping she would stop the pain.

"Look baby I know it hurts but I have to keep the pressure on it. Someone will come soon, they heard the gun shot." She cried and I could see the tears running down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have come out here." She added and I knew she was blaming herself for it.

The darkness swirled in front of me with so many thoughts I was almost sick. This is what it must have felt like when people got shot or even stabbed really. Did I really get stabbed or was that a dream? Kelly's face came to view again and I saw the trail of black that ran down her face with her tears. She had blood smeared over her face so I guess she had tried to wipe her hair from her eyes resulting in my blood over her cheek.

"Carl," I whispered thinking of the boy then and wondered what would happen if I died. I couldn't leave him, I couldn't leave Rick.

"Shut up Faylin, the ambulance is coming, you'll be okay just please shut up." She wept pressing down harder on my wound as a flashing of red and blue showered the alley. It was a pretty sight, so beautiful. Kelly's face was beginning me to stay awake but the darkness wanted to take over and the pain was hard to ignore now. With one last sigh I allowed myself to slip into the welcoming darkness.

* * *

I could hear crying but I didn't know where it was coming from. My eyes wouldn't open like I wanted them to and there was something covering my mouth. It scared me this darkness and the crying continued to slip through my mind. Who was crying? Did they need me?

Faylin. I swear someone was calling my name and I struggled to fight the darkness. I could see a light getting brighter. It was glowing brightly, begging me to reach out at touch it. Someone was calling me and I knew I would find them if I followed the light. I just needed to fight through this fog of dark to reach them. I needed to think of Carl, Carl and Rick and I would be able to do it. I needed to think of Nana and Kelly, the latter safe now that I found her. I needed to fight this darkness to see my family.

"Carl," I whispered as my eyes fluttered in the brilliant light of the room. I could barely see in the room but I could tell that there was a few people crowded within the room.

"Momma?" I heard Carl whisper and I knew it was him. It wasn't just because he was the only one to ever call me momma but also because I knew his voice. I turned my head towards the boy's voice and opened my eyes until I saw the sweet boy on a chair in front of me.

"Hey," I whispered again feeling my throat dry as I spoke. I looked around the room happy that I could see properly this time. Rick was sleeping on a chair behind Carl as the boy slouched in the chair beside my bed, Nana and Kelly were in the corner on the sofa, both hunched over asleep and a man I couldn't recognise at first was standing by the door. It wasn't until he turned his head at my voice I recognised him.

"Rick!" Shane snapped his eyes resting on me as he stepped away from the door and over to the bed. Rick jumped up at the sound of his name and looked over to Shane before dropping his eyes to me. A look of relief washed over his face as he took me in and he stood from his chair.

His hands cupped my face and he pressed a light kiss to my head before pulling back and sighing with what I assumed was happiness. His fingers were still holding onto my face lightly, he was running them over my cheeks lightly. I could feel the oxygen mask over my mouth now and it was irritating me. I lifted my hand up and pulled it down and smiled at him slightly as a tug of pain flew up my side as I lifted my left arm.

"No, don't take it off," he whispered pulling my hand away and trying to pull the mask over my mouth again. I turned my head away from him knowing he would understand that I didn't want it back on.

"What happened?" I asked not remembering what had actually happened. I could remember the pain in my side and a gunshot but other than that I wasn't sure. Rick shared a glance with Shane before shooting his eyes to the boy beside him.

"Carl let's go get some drinks little man," Shane called over to the boy who jumped up eagerly and followed the man out of the door. Rick watched them leave before dropping his eyes to me again.

"A man attacked Kelly, you walked in and stopped it. Kelly said the man walked away but when you turned your back he came up behind you a stabbed you in the side." Rick muttered keeping his voice low so he wouldn't wake Nana or Kelly. "She shot him, he died instantly." He added in explanation of what happened to the man. I felt my heart pick up at his words. Did this mean Kelly would get arrested for murder? "Don't worry it was seen as self-defence, she ain't going nowhere." He assured me as my heart picked up on the monitors.

"My lungs," I whispered knowing something had happened to one of them for me to be feeling like this. Rick gave me a soft smile that didn't reach his eyes like it normally would.

"Yeah baby, your lung was punctured by the knife. Doctor said you'll be tender for a while but you know that." He muttered and I noted that he sounded proud that I could still detected medical problems in my condition.

"How long have I been here?" I asked trying to sit up but stopped when Rick pushed my shoulder down and gave me a stern look. I guess he didn't want me moving.

"You've been out for three days," he whispered and I watched as his eyes teared up and he shook lightly. I guess there was move he needed to say if this upset him so much. "You're heart stopped twice during surgery. We're lucky to have you." I guess that made sense. My lungs probably started to fill with blood but most surgery that involved the lungs was dangerous.

"How long will I need to stay?" I asked not liking the idea of being stuck in here for ages. I had work to get back to and Carl needed me at home, I didn't want to stay here.

"A week at the least but it may be up to two," he replied knowing I wanted to get out of here now. I went to reply to him when the door opened and Shane led Carl into my room. The boy looked up at me and sent small smile. I bet he went out of his mind when he saw me here.

"Uncle Shane said you saved Kelly's life," Carl stated skipping over to us with a can of coke in his hands. That explained why he was skipping. Rick sent Shane a look but the other guy shrugged his shoulders and placed the four coffee cups on the table. "That is so cool, you're just like dad and Uncle Shane."

"She was stupid Carl," Rick started giving his son a stern look. "She should have called for help, she wouldn't have been hurt then." Carl's eyes grew at his dad's words and I could see the tears behind them. I smacked Rick lightly on the arm before turning to gain Carl's attention.

"Carl, don't listen to your dad." I told the boy ignoring the look his dad was giving me. "Your dad was right I shouldn't have done what I did but I'm glad I did."

"Why?" Carl asked looking at me intently as he sipped on his coke. I glanced over to Kelly as she lay asleep beside Nana and knew it was the right thing.

"I saved Kelly from getting hurt real bad, it was stupid but Kelly's safe now." I told the boy watching him as I yawned knowing that I was on pain meds then. It would explain why I didn't feel much pain but also why I was so tired.

"Come on Carl, let's get you, Kelly and Nana home," Shane muttered going over to the two in the corner and waking them. "You got school in the morning and Kelly has to come to the station to fill out some forms." He added looking at the brown-haired girl as she woke and glanced over to me.

It took them a while to leave once Nana and Kelly saw that I was awake but when I kept stifling my yawns Rick sent them off and told Nana he would pick Carl up in the morning for school.

"You should sleep now," Rick mumbled pressing his lips to my head again as I shifted as sleep took over me again. "I love you."


	4. Chapter 4

His hands were running down my sides before he gripped my hips tightly and lifted me from the floor and pressed me into the wall. I wrapped my legs around his hips and sighed into the searing kiss. I could feel him pressed against me and the thought of him being this attracted to me had me turned on. This wasn't the first time we had done this.

The first time was a few weeks after I got out of hospital, Rick wanted to wait until I was moving around without flinching before we took it that far. Let's just say it was near Christmas when we had sex the first time. Actually it wasn't sex it was more making love than sex.

His hands gripped my hips tighter as he lifted me slightly and I tugged off my jeans, supporting my weight as his lips dropped to my neck. Ever since we first had sex it became something we couldn't be without, it felt normal to be doing this.

"Come on Rick, stop draggin' it out." I whined digging my hands into his shoulders and lifting my hips up slightly to gain his attention. I knew I would get his attention when I dropped one hand and gripped his erection tightly and tugged. He hissed and pushed me into the wall and letting go of my hips.

Within seconds Rick had pulled his jeans down and ripped my underwear before pushing himself into me. I gasped at the feel of him as he entered, this was the first time we had had sex up against the wall and I had to say that I like it this way.

"Oh my god," I whispered clinging onto his hair as he set up a rhythm that had my breath speeding up. This was something I could get used to everyday. Rick placed his hands on my hips again lifting me slightly with each thrust. I threw my head back until it was resting on this wall behind me. Rick grunted in return, picking up his pace as I clung to him. His lips trailed down my chest until he couldn't go any further due to my shirt.

The faster he got the more intense it felt being with him like this. I could feel myself tightening around Rick and sighed out in pleasure as he brought me closer to him. Rick's pace picked up again and he dropped his hands to my hips as he pulled me away from the wall and sunk to the floor as he let himself go. Once I knew he had reached his high I let myself go as well, leaning into Rick as he crumpled onto the floor.

Our chest were rising quickly as we searched for air to suck in. I rested my head against his chest, his heart was beating faster than I thought. I rested my palm against his heart laughing when he jumped at the cool touch of my hands.

"That was fun," I mumbled as I placed a kiss to his collarbone before pulling away and looking at him. I could see the smile on his face, and I could feel his body shaking under me as he laughed.

"I've turned ya into a sex maniac," he teased pressing his lips to my forehead quickly before snapping his head in the direction of the stairs when a door slammed downstairs. I forgot that Carl was being dropped off her instead of Nana's today. Nana must have dropped him off before going back to ours.

"Dad?" Carl shouted dropping what sounded like his bag and stomping up the stairs. I pulled away from Rick just as fast as he pulled away from me and pulled a towel from the floor and wrapped it around his waist. I glanced around the room in hopes for something else that would cover me and noted that there was another towel on the floor in Rick's room. Did he ever do laundry around here? The man gave me a sheepish look as I wrapped the towel around myself just as Carl pushed the door open. "What are you doing?" he asked peering over at us both as he leant against the doorframe.

I glanced over to Rick and shrugged at the man I was seeing before glancing at his son. Rick placed his hands on his hips as he took in his son, nodding his head as if he was agreeing with some plan in his head.

"We were using the shower," he said looking out into the hall were the bathroom door stood closed. Carl shot his eyebrows up at his dad's words and looked over to me. I could tell that this was confusing him.

"Together?" he asked looking at his dad uncertain with the words the older Grimes said. I glanced over to him as well wonder what the hell this man was doing. His son was only six, he wouldn't understand what was going on between us.

"No your dad went in before me," I told the boy glancing over to his dad sternly. "Carl sweetie, why don't you go downstairs and do your homework while we dress." I suggested hoping he would go with it and leave us alone. Carl nodded his head before leaving his dad's room with a sigh, stomping down the stairs.

"That was close," Rick grumbled dropping down onto his bed and resting his head into his hands. I walked up beside him, dropping my hand to rest lightly on his head, running my fingers through his hair. I tugged on his hair gently wanting to get his attention.

"Are you going to tell Carl I'm moving in?" I asked remembering why we had nearly been caught having sex in the first place. Rick nodded his head and pulled me into him.

"I suppose that would make him happy, he's been asking for weeks for you to move in." he said with a smile on his face.

"Come on, let's get dressed." I muttered pulling him up from the bed and tugging him towards his discarded clothes.

* * *

"Carl baby don't do that!" I shouted as I watched the boy attempt to climb the small cliff beside our tent. The boy glanced back at me before rolling his eyes.

"Mom, I'm eight years old. I think I'm fine with the climbing!" he called back dropping down from his perch and running over to join me and Rick by the fire. I glanced over to his dad and noted the smile my partner had on his face. It was obvious the boy was getting older and he allowed it to show now with his age.

"Rick don't laugh at him," I whined dropping back on the chair and glaring at the two Grimes boys. I could tell that they enjoyed teasing me, but I was only thinking about Carl's safety.

I glanced around the small camping area happy that we decided to take the time to come out here. Most of the time I spent the summer's working but this year Rick told me we were going camping so Carl could get some country air and get out of town for a few days. I must admit that it was a good idea.

It was the first week in the summer, Rick could only get this week off and I asked my boss if I could swap my holiday to get this week off instead. It seemed to work out fine in the end but I would be back at work in three days.

Recently time seemed to be going faster than I wished. Nana had been diagnosed with cancer and was currently going through treatment and it had been five months since I moved into Rick and Carl's with them. The boy had been excited when we told him and couldn't wait for me to become a proper part of the family as he put it.

"Oh come on honey ya know I love you," Rick tormented pulling me out of my seat and wrapping his arms around me from behind. I sighed into his arms, leaning into his touch when he placed a kiss to my neck.

"I know," I whispered looking into the fire thinking about the harm that could have come to Carl if he feel. "I love you as well," I told him when he squeezed my hips slightly when I didn't reply. "I'm just scared Carl will hurt himself."

"I know you are but if he's going to learn he needs to make mistakes." Rick mumbled pressing his lips to my neck as we watched Carl run off and climb the tree next to the cliff. He was really growing up and I couldn't stop it.

"If he falls I'm blaming you." I grunted crossing my arms against my chest and keeping my eyes on the eight year old. Rick was silent for a while, his hands running over my hips as I stood still watching Carl swing from the tree and laugh as he slipped slightly.

"I want you to adopt Carl," Rick said suddenly, making me jump as his voice broke the silence. I turned in his arms, my eyes wide at his words. Did he really mean it?

"Are you sure?" I asked not actually believing what he was saying. I mean I wanted to adopt Carl and make him my own legally but I didn't need a signed piece of paper to say his was my son.

"If you're to be my wife then you should legally be his mom." Rick stated removing his hands from my hips where he had settled them again and took a step back.

"Wife? What are you-" I stopped speaking when he dropped to his knee and pulled out a black box. I felt my eyes get larger when he lifted the lid and showed me the ring held inside. It was beautiful but I bet every girl said that when they got proposed to.

I wasn't lying though when I said it was a beautiful ring. The band was gold, and there was a small emerald centre of the band with two smaller diamonds on either side. The ring was elegant and it took my breath away. Just from looking at the ring I could tell it cost something more than Rick had. I knew he had gotten the emerald because it was my favourite, but I would have been fine with a cheaper ring if it meant the same thing.

"Faylin Esmeralda Fairfax, I know it may seem that we are rushing into things by taking this step but I've never felt this way about anyone before. I've made one too many mistakes in my life but some of them have resulted in amazing things. You were never one of those mistakes only a right turn in my life." Rick started shifting slightly on his knee as Carl stumbled over to us, his eyes wide. "You treated Carl like he was yours since the beginning and I know that no one could be a better mother to him than you already are. I love you just as much as I love my son and it's for that reason I wish to ask you to be my wife." Rick glanced away from my quickly to look at Carl, the boy nodded his head in encouragement and Rick turned back to me. "Will you marry me?" he asked sounding unsure mow more than he did when he first started.

"Of course I will you idiot!" I cried dropping down to the floor beside him, wrapping myself around him and slipping into his lap.

There had been few moments in my life when I thought I was happiest. The first was when I got accepted into medical school and then the second was when I finished medical school and got my doctorate. Then there had been many times when I was with Carl but now, now I was sure that this was the happiest moment of my life.

When Rick got down on his knee I was scare to death. I thought that my feelings for Rick had been stronger than his feelings for me but it looks like I had been mistaken. When he went down on one knee he proved that he loved me just as much as I loved him.

"You did ask Nana right?" I asked leaning back away from him and looked at him carefully. Nana would not appreciate Rick asking without her permission no matter how much she loved the boy.

"Do you think I would have asked you if I hadn't?" he replied sliding the slim, elegant ring onto my finger before tugging me toward him, placing his lips against mine. There was so much passion in this kiss and for some reason I felt like something had changed. It felt like he wasn't holding back anymore. Had he been worried that I wouldn't want to be with him? Didn't he know that I didn't need to be married to him to love him and stay with him?

* * *

June went by with a flash and we were soon in July. Kelly had been just as excited about the wedding as I was when she found the ring on my finger. Let's just say she was begging to be a bridesmaid.

"Oh come on baby, you can't say no." she whined again following me and Carl around the store like a lost puppy. Carl smiled over at me before looking back at his surrogate aunt. That's what Kelly told him to call her. Aunt Kelly, she was after all his mom's best friend as she put it.

Carl knew why I wasn't making Kelly my bridesmaid. She was going to be my maid of honour, as my best friend it was her right to be helping me with all the planning.

"I can and I will continue on saying it if you ask." I told her sternly feeling like a mother scolding a child. I could see Carl grinning from the corner of my eyes and rolled my eyes at him. That kid would give it away before I had her steaming in agony.

"You bitch," she whined grabbing hold of my shoulder and turning me to face her. She was pouting now, her lowering lips sticking out almost touching her chin. "I can't believe that you invited me to your wedding but I don't even get to be part of the bridal party. Please make me your bridesmaid!" she shouted gaining the attention of those around us. I glanced over to Carl and saw that his smile was large on his face at his aunt's reaction.

"Fine I suppose you can be a bridesmaid," I muttered pretending to give into her when her face broke out into a smile. I sighed deeply and turned to face my son, knowing that Kelly was watching us. "I think we'll have to find a new maid of honour Carl, Aunt Kelly didn't want that job. Maybe Holly or Amanda will take her place." I teased knowing she would snap when she heard that.

"Oh my god really?" she asked jumping around on the spot like a five year old on a sugar rush. I nodded at her and she pulled me into a fierce hug, shaking me around like a rag doll. "We are going to have so much fun planning everything!" she declared letting me go and wrapping her arm around Carl's shoulders and leading him towards the boys' clothes.

I shook my head as I followed after them. God I chose to have the weirdest best friend ever.

* * *

"Hey sweetie what's wrong?" Rick asked rushing to my side as I entered the Sheriff's Department and made my way over to him one November evening. I could see Shane standing to his feet when he caught the tears streaming down my face.

"Nana's in hospital," I cried allowing Rick to wrap his arms around me in comfort. The meds she was taking for her cancer stopped working and she had a turn for the worst. The doctors' said she wouldn't see it till the end of the month.

"Why what happened?" Rick asked worried that something could have happened to Carl as well. I was more afraid for Carl. He was alone with her in the house when she collapsed. He called the ambulance and arrived with her until he found me at work.

"The cancers got worse. The doctor's said she won't make it to the end of the month." I told him finding it hard to breathe when I knew that Nana had this difficulty every day.

"We knew there was a risk with the medication Aylin, the doctor's told us that before she went on them. It was her decision to make and she said she wanted the meds. Lung cancer is not always treatable, you know that." Rick muttered trying to assure me. I knew he was helping but I couldn't help but pull away from him then. Nana was about to die and he was trying to make it logical.

"She won't be there for the wedding," I whispered reminding him that we had set the wedding for next spring. We had just come into November, Nana would probably be dead by the end of the month and she would miss out on the most important day of my life.

Just the thought of her not being here for me had my life ripping apart at the seams. This woman had raised me my whole life, she had protected me from the horrors in the world. She had taken care of me when mom couldn't and then stood up from me and took me away from the woman when she had me again as a child. Mom never loved me like Nana did. She thought I would become useful to her when she found out I was one of those 'special' kids, when Nana found out she had me taken away and brought back to Kings County. My life was the way it was because of Nana, she had brought me to Rick and Carl. I owed her so much.

"We'll bring the wedding up then," Rick stated pulling me into his arms again. His head pressed against the top of mine. This was the comfort I needed. I needed him to pull me into his arms even when I fought against him. He was my comfort and I needed him without a doubt. This man was a main part of my life now and he was what I needed in this moment.

"I can't do that to you," I whispered knowing that Rick wanted to marry in spring so we could get the money for the wedding. I had plenty of money – he was right when he said it sounded like I should have a posh name, my family was posh, dad had a lot of money. The Fairfax name was well known in New York where dad was working before and after I was born. Nana had money as well, but she didn't like to use it.

"I can do that for you though," he told me pulling away so he could look down into my tearful eyes. "Do you think I want to see you heartbroken on our wedding day because Nana isn't there? I'd rather marry you sooner with her here than without her here." He stated pulling me into his arms again. "I promise I'll sort everything out and Nana will be there."

I nodded my head at his words hoping he wouldn't break this promise. He had never broken a promise to me before but if he broke this one I knew it would be hard to forgive him. No matter how much I loved him, to promise me this and for him to break it, it would ruin me more than Nana's death.

* * *

I looked over to the woman beside me hoping she was okay. She looked fine, her pink dress neat and beautiful but it was what was on the inside that had me worried. The cancer was eating her up making her weaker by the second but she put on a brave face for everyone around her. She didn't want to inflict pain on anyone, not if she could keep it in.

"Nana are you sure you can do this?" I asked her clutching onto the red tulips as I turned to face the woman I owed so much to. She did look remarkable for her age and health and if I didn't' know it I wouldn't even question that she was ill.

"I'm fine Fay, just want to get you down the aisle and to your man." She muttered grabbing hold of my arm when the music started. It was the usual 'here comes the bride' that was playing in the church. I felt my stomach flutter at the thought of soon being Mrs Grimes, I would be Rick's wife and with that legally Carl's mom.

Kelly glanced back at me in her red dress and I knew that Amber and Holly had already walked into the church before her. Because we had bought the wedding forward we were luck not to have sent the invites out before we changed the date. We decided then to keep it small, have only really close friends of the family turn up. On my side I had Nana and Kelly as family and Amber and Holly as part of the bridal party. Becca, Abbi, Chloe and Rachel were the only friends I had there and the four of them travelled from Atlanta for today. On Rick's side he had Carl and Shane, both of them acting as his best man and then he had the guys from the station as his friends. I suppose in a small town like ours there weren't many people you could be friends with that you didn't work with.

I was given a smile of encouragement from Kelly as she stepped round the corner where my future husband was waiting. I was really going to do this and I couldn't wait.

"Nana do I look alright?" I asked running my hand over the off-white of my dress as I glanced at Nana quickly. She gave me the softest smile I had ever seen on her face and cupped my cheek within her hand. She pressed her lips lightly to my head and took my arm in hers.

"Honey you look exquisite," she replied before shuffling me lightly toward the door that would lead me to my husband and son.

With one last squeeze to the hand Nana turned that corner taking me with her. Rick was the first thing I saw when we turned the corner and I had never seen him looking so dashing before in my life. We weren't one of those couples that went to flashy places to show off but rather liked to stay in and snuggle on the sofa.

When I saw him there waiting for me I knew that this was the best idea he had ever had. Moving the wedding forward was what was best for everyone, Nana had always wanted to see me marry and now because of Rick I could give her that chance.

"I'm gonna be fine Nana," I told her knowing she would understand what I meant. I would struggle with her gone but I would be fine after a while. I would be fine because I had Rick and with Rick came Carl. They would not replace Nana in my heart but now they were going to be family and that was what I needed.

* * *

Nana passed away the day after the wedding. She told me she was fine but the doctor's said she took a turn for the worst the day before the wedding but she threatened them not to tell me. It was like she was holding it in just so she could she me marry Rick. It was the afternoon when we got the call, she had passed in her sleep, something she told me she always wanted to do.

The only good thing that came from this was that she was no longer in pain. I wish she was still her but as a doctor I knew that cancer patients go through a pain that no one would understand. I was just so pissed not to have noticed it. She looked fine but I should have known that they always looked better before they passed.

"Honey, it's time to go," Rick muttered coming up behind me and pressing his lips to the side of my face. I sighed knowing that he was right but I didn't want to leave. I turned from the window in Nana's house looking out at the old rope swing she had put up for me when I was younger.

"Okay," I whispered following him out of the house and into the car where Carl was waiting. Kelly was sat in the back with him, after all she had become part of our family over the last year as well so she had a right to sit with us at the funeral.

"It'll be fine mom," Carl assured me leaning forward in his seat and placing his hand on my shoulder. I let the tears fall at his words, for a boy of eight he understood this better than I thought he would.

I was silent during the car ride to the church. It felt wrong when we entered the church. Two weeks ago we had been in this same church for my wedding and now we were here for Nana's funeral. I wished it had been any other church but this was the church Nana wanted her service in and she stated that anytime a funeral was mentioned. I would make her wish come true even if it pained me.

Rick led us to the front chairs, Carl and Kelly following behind us and when Shane followed soon through the doors he took his seat beside Kelly. Unlike Kelly, Shane didn't spend as much time as Nana, but he was still part of the family. As Carl's honorary uncle, Nana accepted the officer with open arms like she did Rick. The church filled with people and I felt bitter that half these people here thought they knew Nana but they would never know her like us.

"Charlotte Esmeralda Fairfax-Riggs was the finest woman one could find within Kings County. She didn't just provide the love for her granddaughter but also the care for hundreds of children that passed through this town or grew into independent adults. She gave her love freely to anyone that needed it and she was a guardian for those that were struggling through life. She was an angel before death and now that she has entered the heaven of our lord she will be looking down on us still as our guardian angel." The priest started speaking fondly of Nana and I knew that it wasn't just me he had brought to tears.

Rick's hand took mine and he held it tightly as the priest went on. He spoke of Nana's life as a child – he was old enough to know her then apparently – and what she was like growing up. He spoke of her attributes to the town and how she always insisted on helping anyone that needed it. Carl's head rested against my shoulder and I could feel him shaking as others stood up to speak, he missed her as well, she had become his Nana just as much as she was mine. As more of Nana's friends came up I could feel the tears tiring me out. I had never cried so much in my life, and I had never been more exhausted. I rested my head against Rick's shoulder just as Carl had with me. I closed my eyes as I listened to their voices taking everything in that was being said but falling into the blanket of sleep that was over taking me at the same time.

* * *

It was cold and it felt like I was floating in the air. There was nothing under me to hold me body and it scared me. I opened my eyes quickly to see the familiar dim room that belonged to me at Nana's house, glowing in orange light.

"Where am I?" I asked turning to face Rick a she set me down on the bed before dropping down beside me. I don't know why I asked when I knew where I was but I gathered it was the sleepy me talking.

"I brought you home sweetie. You feel asleep in the church." He whispered pressing his lips to my head as he pulled the blanket up around me. He held me for a moment before standing from the bed and wiping the red curls from my face. "I've got to see to Carl, you just sleep and I'll be back later." He assured me turning the table light off and closing the door after he left. I closed my eyes again but it didn't stop the tears from falling. I cried myself to sleep that night like I had been doing for the past two weeks.

* * *

"What do you mean everything's mine?" I asked looking to the lawyer as he peered down at Nana's will. Surely he had been mistaken. She had told me that half the stuff she owned was going to Kings County. The child centre would go to King's County, her house would go to Kings County, and I was pretty sure her money would go there as well.

"When you were born she came to me and signed everything to you in her will. The only thing she stated to be done was if you were under twenty-one when she passed. As you are now twenty-two Miss Fairfax, everything belongs to you." He stated looking over to me as I clutched onto Rick's hand.

"It's Mrs Grimes," I told him fiercely wishing he would call me that. He wasn't from around here, anyone could have seen that. Travelled into the town from Atlanta, just to hand me Nana's will.

"I'm sorry mama, didn't realise you got yourself married." He muttered glancing to Rick before glancing down at the will again. "The child centre 'Nana's' is yours, the house is yours, there's an estate further in Georgia that's your as well. Big family estate, passed down generation through the Fairfax family. When your daddy passed, it went to Charlotte but now that's yours as well." He told me reading from the will before glancing up as he read over something a paused. "There was only one change she made in the last two years."

"What was it?" I asked knowing Nana told me she had never changed her will. Big old lie she was telling there.

"She added a Carl Grimes to the will," he grumbled and my heart sped up at the mention of my son's name. It was official now, Carl Grimes was my son legally. We signed his adoption papers at the wedding reception. "Put his name down on the Fairfax manner, said the bloodline will flow through to the Grimes family now and that Carl Grimes is the eldest child of the next generation." He told us and I felt a smile spread across my lips at his words. Of course Nana would know that I thought of Carl as my real son and not a stepson.

"When did she do it?" Rick asked leaning forward in his seat as he waited for the answer. Mr Matthews looked up from the will and stared at my husband with beady eyes.

"December 2003," he muttered looking at Rick with confusion. "Is there a problem?" he asked then as I glanced at my husband from the corner of my eye.

"No, everything's fine," I muttered squeezing Rick's hand tightly as we received the news. It seemed Nana knew all along that Rick and I would end up together. Only five months after watching the boy, after knowing them and she already named Carl as the next heir of the Fairfax fortune. "Do we need to sign anything before we leave?" I asked nodding towards the will as I stood from my chair taking Rick with me.

Mr Matthews pointed to a place marker and stated that both Rick and I needed to sign the will. Rick's signature was needed as proof that I saw the will but also because he was Carl's guardian and needed to sign on his behalf. If anything was to happen to me everything would go to Carl.

"Thank you for your time Mr Matthews," I mumbled to the man as Rick led me out of the city hall. It was were our meeting was set up for today and I was thankful we didn't have to venture to Atlanta. Only bad memories followed me around in Atlanta since the stabbing.

Rick was silent as we walked out to the car. I didn't know what was running through his head but I think I had a clear idea. This fortune for one thing. I never told him I was an heiress of an estate or generations of money. Nana and I didn't live that way and none of the money was left to mom after daddy died. He left everything to me and Nana, not the woman who couldn't take care of me after I was born.

"Rick?" I whispered afraid to say anything that might set him off. Rick turned to face me as he dropped in his seat and I knew that he was struggling with the news.

"A lot of money," he mumbled and I knew he got a glance at the fortune when he signed the will. Currently we were owners of an eight digit fortune that only kept adding as years went by. I didn't touch any of that money, I used the money I earned. Daddy never really touched the money either but I knew mom would if she knew it existed.

"I don't and have never used it Rick," I stated wanting him to know that it wasn't really my money. It belonged to the Fairfax family. So technically it was mine as I was the last living Fairfax, mom didn't count having changed her name back to Brown after daddy died.

"What do you do with it?" he asked turning his head to face me slightly as he pulled away from the curb and toward Carl's school. Our appointment with Mr Matthews ended a few minutes before Carl's school so it gave us enough time to drop by and pick him up.

"Leave it in the vaults where it belongs. Nana said we never needed it. We had a home that served us well and we didn't need no money to be happy if we had each other." I told him remembering what she had told me. "I'm fine using it for Carl's college."

"There's a lot more than one college fund in that." Rick grumbled pulling up outside Carl's school.

"Please don't get upset about it. I never told you because I never used it. I hope this doesn't change anything." I whispered feeling my heartbreak as Rick turned away from me. It wasn't an argument. We have had plenty of those over the two years, some before we even got together. This was just a misunderstanding.

Rick continued to ignore me as he steamed but I had learnt it was best to leave him until he spoke. If there was one thing I knew about my husband was that he always made the right decisions in the end.

"We'll move into Nana's house," he stated as Carl made his way over to the car. Ten minutes we had been sat there in silence while we waited for our boy.

"What?" I asked turning to face my husband as Carl waved bye to his friends. Rick glanced at me and then leant over, taking my hand in his, softly running his fingers over my knuckles.

"The house is ours now," he reminded me and I felt a flutter in my chest at his words. The house I grew up in was still mine. "I think it best we move in there. It's bigger than my place and if we have more kids there will be room." He suggested squeezing my hand on the word kids. We both wanted another one but we had agreed to wait a year just to get used to it being the three of us.

"Want kids so soon?" I teased leaning over and placing a kiss on his cheek as Carl climbed into the back. Rick sent me a look that told me just how much he wanted kids. Well just how much he enjoyed making them.


	5. Chapter 5

"We can try again," Rick mumbled kissing my shoulder as he stood behind me in the bathroom. I was starting down at the negative pregnancy test and I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. How many times would we have to go through this hope only for it to be crushed? Two years we'd been trying for a baby, almost three yet our wishes had not been granted

"You'll stay with me?" I asked knowing it was a stupid question. I knew he would but whenever I took a test and found it negative I wondered why he stayed with me. If I couldn't do the one thing a woman was meant to do then why would he stay with me?

"Of course I'm staying with you. There will be a baby growing in your belly soon." He promised pressing his lips against my neck as he pulled on his work shirt. I watched him in the mirror as he worked around me. It was normally like this in the morning. The two of us getting ready at the same time. We tended to share the shower - to conserve water but to also get some exercise. Kelly loved calling it that when she found out about our morning routine.

"You won't be back from work late tonight right?" I mumbled as I slipped on a pair of jeans happy I wasn't working for another two weeks. "We're leaving early in the morning for that camping trip." At his blank face I knew he had forgotten. "Rick how could you forget? Carl's been nagging you about it all week." I accused watching my husband give me a sheepish look.

"I thought it was next week not this week." He replied buckling his belt and putting his hands on my hips again. "Enjoy your day off, go to 'Nana's' and sort out the new stock."

"You call that fun?"

"I know it's fun when you get Kelly to help." He grumbled slapping my backside lightly as he left the room to see if Carl was up. I sometimes think Rick forgets that our boy's twelve now. I sighed before pulling on a white strappy top and then a green cardigan to keep the chill at bay.

Carl was in the kitchen munching away at a bowl of cereal while Rick was pouring himself a mug of coffee. I pressed a kiss to Carl's hair as I passed him noting that his hair needed a trim before it grew out all wild. My boy was growing up.

"You got everything ready for school buddy?" I asked pulling a blueberry muffin from the cartoon and ripping it in two. I handed half off to Rick knowing he wouldn't eat until lunch, when him and Shane got takeout. I should at least try to keep him healthy while I still can.

"Mom I'm twelve years old. You don't need to remind me." Carl muttered placing his bowl in the sink and turning to his dad. I knew what look they were sharing, they did it all the time when I nagged.

"Wash your bowl." I warned him sternly when he went to step away leaving the dish in the sink. He shot me a look, one of those oncoming moody teenager looks and then glanced at Rick.

"Dad!" He snapped hoping it would stop my nagging at him. Rick raised his hands stating he couldn't do anything then shoved the half muffin in his mouth.

"Carl!" I moaned and the boy glared at the sink, dropping his hands into the soapy water. "Thank you," I muttered when he set the bowl on the dryer, placing another kiss on his head. "Go get your school bag."

"You know he hates it when you do that," Rick grumbled swallowing the last of the muffin and wrapping his hands around my hips, pulling me towards him. His lips found mine as my fingers wound in his hair pulling him closer as our kiss got deeper. It still amazed me how much passion we had after being married almost four years. A lot of the mum's that waited outside the school said that the passion died after the first year, two at most. I guess they all entered the wrong marriage to think that.

"You guys are disgusting!" Carl cried out when he walked back into the kitchen. I pulled away from Rick and looked down to his growing doppelganger. I smiled at the boy as I shimmied out of his dad's hands and pressed a big fat kiss to his cheek.

"Don't ya know it baby," I whispered tugging his backpack and pulling him over to his dad. "One last kiss before I send the kid packing," I mumbled pressing my lips to Rick's and then guided our son out through the door and to the car. "See ya later," I called out as Rick followed us from the house and to the police car parked outside. I guess he drove it home last night. Rick sent us a wave as I pulled out the drive way and watched him climb in from the hang mirror.

This time tomorrow we'll be without worries and enjoying ourselves camping. I smiled at the thought and glanced back to Carl as he looked out the window. I knew he was looking forward to it as well.

* * *

Once Kelly and I had sorted through the stock like Rick suggested at 'Nana's' we went for lunch at the dinner – where I saw Shane grabbing two burgers and fries to go. I knew Shane saw me but before I could talk to him he rushed out of the dinner and away from me. Kelly grumbled away about how much of a dick Shane was – they never really hit it off like Rick and I wanted but I could understand her point.

Shane had a temper about him, one that he let out quite often. I was sometimes afraid that he would release his temper when Carl was around. I was afraid he would hurt Carl. And once he did that there would be no turning back – even with his friendship with Rick.

"What ya thinking about?" Kelly asked bumping her shoulder against mine as she looked around at the other parents or guardians waiting for pick-up time. She said she wanted to come with me when it came time to get Carl, apparently she had to beat Shane in being one of his parent's best friends. She said she got him a surprise to take with camping with him. I rolled my eyes at her and shifted on my feet when one of the mom's glanced over at me and tilted her head to the side.

"You and this rivalry with Shane needs to stop." I muttered to her as the mom walked over and stopped in front of us. "Can I help you Karen?" I asked the blonde woman as she looked down at me with an upturned lip. It seemed everyone round here stood taller than my five foot two inches.

"I don't think it's right that you're taking Carl out of school to go camping," she replied crossing her arms against her chest and giving me a look that I thought was meant to be 'scary'.

"What I do with my son has nothing to do with you. Rick and I decided that two days out of school won't hurt him." I told her feeling annoyed that this woman could question my actions when it came to my son. Rick didn't seem bothered by it and it should have annoyed him as he was an officer of the law.

"You decided to take your son out of school so you and your husband can go on some random camping retreat to work on your failing marriage." She spat glancing over to Kelly as she shifted closer to me.

"Hey lady you need to back off!" Kelly warned giving the blonde a threatening look. Karen rolled her eyes at Kelly before walking off and stomping back to her friends. No doubt they would state some rumour about my _failed_ marriage.

"Why would they think my marriage is failing?" I asked Kelly as we walked further away from the chatting woman and under the cover of a tree.

"They're just jealous, you and Rick have a wonderful, passionate marriage. Their all jealous because their marriages don't have that much passion anymore." She assured me lopping her arm with mine and resting her head on top of mine. Yet another person that is taller than me. It wouldn't surprise me if Carl was towering over me soon.

The familiar beep of the police sirens had me turning to see Rick drive into Carl's school. There had been many times he had met me here in the car, watched as Carl came out and then went back to his shift. Only this times Rick wasn't in the car.

"Rick," I whispered letting go of Kelly's arm and walking over to Shane as he stepped out of the car. I noticed that the other officers left the other cars as well but Shane was all I could focus on. I could tell by Shane's eyes that it was something bad but they didn't reveal how bad. "Is he okay?" I breathed out as Shane stopped in front of me. My hands had balled into fists and I brought them against my chest in a security blanket. I needed to stay calm, for Carl.

"They're taking him to surgery now, won't know anything else till we get to the hospital." He told me bringing his hands to my elbows and tugging me into his chest. "I should have protected him, should have kept my eye on him." He grumbled as I let the tears fall. I didn't want to let them fall but the thought of Rick dying on me had my heart breaking.

"S'not your fault," I cried dropping my head to his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. I let my tears fall for a few seconds before sniffling when the school bell chimed through my ears. "How do I tell Carl his dad might die?" I whispered knowing Shane heard when he tensed.

"I'll tell him," he muttered running his hand through my loose curls before pulling back and placing a kiss on my head. It was sweet, the sweetest he's ever been with me but I understood the circumstances. Shane went to step passed me but I grabbed his arm and held him in place.

"I should be the one to do it," I mumbled striding passed him when I saw Carl step out of the building and make his way over. He was smiling and the thought of my words breaking his heart broke mine.

* * *

Rick looked tiny lying in the bed with the tubes helping him breath. After the surgery he had fallen into a coma. I knew it was a possibility but the thought of my Rick never returning twisted my heart with such pain I couldn't bear to look at him.

Carl was sat in the corner with Kelly, they were reading a comic – her surprise to him, but instead she gave it to him to try and cheer him up. Shane was standing by the door, his hand running through his hair with his nervous habit.

"When will he wake mom?" Carl suddenly asked breaking the silence in the room. It had been two days since Rick's surgery but there had been no change in his condition. My mind drifted away from Rick and to Nana before I looked to my son.

"I don't know baby, these things change with people." I told him standing from my chair and going over to Carl as he stood from his chair. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my lips to his head. He shouldn't have to go through this at his age. "Your dad's a strong man Carl, he'll make it through this."

"I know," he mumbled pressing his head into my chest as his tears soaked my shirt. I ran my hands through his hair in a soothing way and rocked him slightly as his words ran around in my head.

Rick was a strong guy, he would make it through his. He was tough and he wouldn't leave me and Carl. Not like this.

* * *

The news was weird three days after Rick got shot. There was a lot of warnings about staying in the house and avoiding cities or largely populated areas. It made no sense but I was thankful that Carl had the time off school. What with everything going on with Rick, our camping plans were put on hold. It was unthinkable to go out there when Rick was in this condition, I wouldn't even think of it.

* * *

"What do you mean he bit her?" I asked Kelly as she glanced out the window and onto the street. Kelly had been at ours since Rick got shot. I didn't want to be alone and she knew that. She didn't want to leave me alone and then everything weird happened so we wanted to be close together.

Shane had ordered us to stay in the house. He wasn't sure what was going on but he had warned us about some viral outbreak that was infecting people.

"He walked up to her and sunk his teeth into her neck," she mumbled peeking out of the curtain as I shoved things into bags.

"Kelly get away from the window and help me pack." I shouted at her annoyed that she had left all the packing to me.

It was another thing Shane had ordered us to do. Pack up everything and get ready to leave. He may not have known what was going on but there had been broadcastings about a safe zone in Atlanta and wanted us heading there by tonight.

Shane arrived at the house twenty minutes later with his gun in the holder at his side. There weren't many times I had seen him or Rick with their guns when not in uniform. His eyes dropped to the boxes packed with every long-lasting or edible food in the house. It was a good thing I never unpacked the camping stuff. There wasn't much left in the house but whatever was in the cupboard Kelly helped me shove it into the boxes.

"I put the car in the garage." He told us as he glanced out the same window Kelly did. He glanced over at us his eyes settling on Kelly as she tapped close the box. "Kelly put everything we packed into the car. Faylin grab Carl from upstairs and take any medicine you have lying around. We need to move and we need to move fast!" he order grabbing a few of the boxes and helping Kelly move them.

I rushed up the stairs not liking his tone but moving with his words. He was in a better state to know what was best for us now. If this meant saving Carl I wouldn't question him. Carl was already in the bathroom and I knew that he heard Shane's shouted. He had one of Rick's large duffle bags and was throwing everything from the medicine cabinet into it.

"Good job sweetie," I muttered opening the cupboard under the sink and pulling out my medical bag. I always kept it here in case I needed it and was thankful that Shane had reminded me to grab it. If anything happened on the road to Atlanta at least I could and would be prepared. "Come on baby, time to go." I mumbled to Carl grabbing his hand when he closed the cabinet and pulled him down the stairs. I glanced at the pictures on the walls, stopping at the one of Nana, me, Rick and Carl.

I wanted it. I wanted all the pictures. If anything happened out there and I could never return I would be devastated to never see these again. I glanced around the room and grabbed the empty box from the corner and quickly pulled the pictures from the walls, dropping them into the box. Carl seemed to grab onto my idea and although he didn't understand what I was doing he grabbed our three albums from the shelf and dropped them into the box.

Those albums held most of our life together. There was pictures from the wedding in one but also pictures of us on holiday, birthdays, and Christmas as well as random pictures of us over the years. They meant a lot and if Rick wouldn't be coming with us I wanted to take them with us.

"I didn't ask you to grab photos!" Shane shouted coming into the room and grabbing the box from me before stomping to the car. I rolled my eyes at him and pushed Carl to follow the man into the garage.

It was dark with only the dim lightbulb hanging from the ceiling giving us light. The garage door was closed but I knew Shane did it to stop any of the infected getting in. Kelly was in the back seat and when Carl opened the door she dragged him in and quickly fastened his seat belt. She looked worried and I knew that Shane must have told her something.

I slid into the passenger side as Shane climbed behind the wheel and hit the garage door button to open the metal shutter. His hands were tight around the wheel and I feared for a moment that he would snap it off the car.

He sped out of the drive and down the street ignoring everyone that stepped in his way or called for help. It wasn't normal for him to do that as an officer but I could see that he was determined to get out of here. It was when he turned right at the end of the street and not left that I worried.

"Shane you're moving away from the hospital!" I snapped glancing at the man not understanding what he was doing. His jaw tensed at my words but he pressed his foot down on the gas speeding up. "Shane we have to get Rick!" My words seemed to fly over his head and I could hear Carl crying behind me. If he was scaring me than Carl would be out of his mind. "Shane turn this car around now and go get Rick!" I shouted grabbing his arm in warning. I wouldn't let him leave my husband here. "Shane-"

"He's dead Faylin! Dead!" Shane shouted startling me from his words. What did he mean dead? No Rick wasn't dead I saw him yesterday. I mean he had been in a coma for fifteen days but he was fine, he was breathing and his heart was beating.

"What?" I whispered feeling the tears slip down my face. Carl's cry grew in the back and I could hear Kelly sniffling as well. I hope she took care of my boy back there.

"I went to get him before ya'll. A bomb went off or sumthing, he's machine stopped. His heart ain't beating, I checked." He told me lowering his tone so his voice wouldn't reach Carl.

"No, no you must have been mistaken. The machines are old, it probably jumped. Are you sure you checked?" I asked already knowing Shane had. He wouldn't leave his best friend in that place with everything going on if he was alive.

"I checked Fay, I honestly did." He grumbled and I knew then that it was the truth. I think it was his use of my Nana's nickname that had the truth settling in with me but I didn't want to believe him.

My chest tightened at his words and I found it hard to breath over that and my sobs. This wasn't my heart breaking. This was my heart ripping itself out of my body and tearing into thousands of pieces. This was my life being cut up into tiny pieces and stomped on. This was the end of Rick. My heart was his and without him here I no longer had a heart.

"Momma," Carl cried out and I unbuckled my seatbelt ignoring the look Shane sent me and climbed into the back with my boy.

Carl met me in a hug once I settled onto the chair and I pulled him closer to me. There was a tingle in my chest and I knew that one shard of my heart was still standing and beating. That shard was Carl's. If I was going to make it through this torture and torment it would be for this boy here who deserves for me to be strong for him.

His daddy would have wanted me to suck up any pain or sorrow I felt and help Carl through it. When that boy could deal with him not being here than I would be able to let go. But for now I needed to stay together for Carl. I needed to glue my broken heart together so I could build a future for our boy.

"I love you baby," I whispered into Carl's hair as his sobs rocked him to sleep. I closed my eyes as I brought him closes and thought of Rick.

I would protect Carl for him. I would help him mend his heart and I would survive this pain and torture for Carl. Everything I did now was for that boy.


	6. Chapter 6

Atlanta was a bust. We didn't even make it into the city, the roads leading in were in gridlock. Three hours we stood outside our cars waiting for some type of movement. The one thing I was happy about was that we weren't that far from a turn off. If Shane let his pride go we could use that turn off to get somewhere else but he wouldn't listen to me.

Carl's laughter broke my thoughts and I turned my head to watch as he played with a little blonde girl the same age as him. Considering everything he's been through in the last couple of hours he seemed happy to play with Sophia. Shane walked up to Carl, running his hand through the boy's hair before walking over to Kelly and whispering something to her.

"Your husband seems nice," a woman with short grey hair mumbled to me as she perched against the back of the car like I was. I glanced at her quickly remembering that this was Sophia's mom, Carol.

"Shane's not my husband," I told her crossing my arms against my chest and taking in a shaky breath. "My husband Rick, he was shot before this happened. Shane was his best friend, tried to get him out this morning but Rick died before he could get him out." I knew I was crying when she placed a hand on my arm softly and I quickly wiped the tears.

"You're doing well for some who lost their husband hours ago." She muttered and I knew she was questioning why.

"With the world going the way it is, I need to stay strong for Carl. I can't afford to let my guard down and then be responsible for anything that happens to him. Carl's all I have now and I need to protect him." I stated watching my boy as he said something to Sophia that had her laughing.

"They seem to get on well," Carol whispered and I noted that there seemed to be a sense of pain in her voice. What was with that woman? She seemed nice but there was something holding her back.

I was about to reply when I was cut off by the sound of planes over head. I glanced up just as Carol and everyone else did and followed the planes as they flew over us and to Atlanta. I stepped away from the car, watching in horror as they dropped something and Atlanta went up in flames. Did they just bomb the city?

"Oh my god," I whispered clutching hold of Carol's hand as she let out a cry. What in the hell were we going to do know?

It seemed like we had been waiting there staring at the burning city for hours but I knew it was only minutes. Our thoughts of horror were interrupted by the sounds of actual horror. Screams could be heard from Atlanta but I thought that they sounded far too close to be heard from that far.

"Everybody get into their cars!" Shane's voice shouted over the screams and I noted that many people glanced to him as he spoke. "We can get out of here before the infected reach us. There's a turn off a few feet ahead, I knew there's a place we can go, but if we go, we have to move quickly. Anyone is free to follow!" he called out pushing Carl and Kelly into the car before sending me a look.

"Carol come with us." I begged her letting go of her hand and slipping into the car as well. Shane started the car quickly and pulled it over to the turn off and then sped down the road to what he thought was safety. I glanced in the side mirror and smiled slightly when I saw Carol's husband Ed pulling out after us. "Where are you taking us?" I asked Shane turning away from the window and glancing at the man.

"There's a quarry a few minutes down this road. It'll be safe there." He grumbled speeding up the car and driving up an incline where there was a sign for the quarry.

A few minutes later Shane pulled the car to a stop and opened the door. I followed him out telling Carl to stay put until I knew it was safe. More cars pulled alongside ours and I even noted a RV parking beside all the other cars. Just as Shane and I had, people were stepping out of their cars and stopping in front of the cop – well ex-cop. Where they looking to him for leadership?

"What now?" the man that drove the RV asked stepping up to Shane with two blonde girls following. I felt Kelly walk up beside me and then noticed Carol climb out of her car, Sophia by her side and I was happy that Ed had decided to come with us. I could tell that Carol was a good woman and would be easy to get on with.

"Ya'll want to stay?" Shane asked placing his hand on his gun and it reminded me of Rick. Many times I had seen my husband taking the same pose and his friend now. When he received nods from everyone he shifted on his feet and glanced at the large group in front of us. We were large and if I had to guess I would say that there was around thirty of us here together. The numbers would be good to help protect but there was four children within the group and these needed our protection first. "We'll set up camp and then introduce ourselves. I'm Shane Walsh, I am, well I was an officer." He added the last part hoping it would bring some trust out in the people around us. "Come on people let's get to work!"

* * *

The RV had been parked near the edge of the quarry, there was a gravel path that lead to a large lake which was in the centre of the quarry. It was a pretty wonderful place and it almost felt like we were camping instead of hiding from the infected.

Tents had been placed around the RV in a semi-circle but they were far enough away they almost touched the trees that grew around the quarry. There was miles of trees lying between this place and the highway. Shane had the idea of hanging up cans and metal objects that would make a sound around the trees to alert us in case one of the infected came.

I had spoken to Amy and Andrea as they helped me and Kelly put up our tent. They were sisters, Andrea a few years older than Amy – twelve years older according to Amy. They got on well but there were times when the two argued, they had disagreed three times within half an hour. They arrived here with Dale, the man that owned the RV. Apparently he picked them up and helped them out when they got stranded – if it hadn't have been for that man than the two girls could be dead.

"You don't look old enough to have that boy," a dark-haired woman stated as she walked over to me and Kelly while we were helping set up the fire. I glanced up at the woman and froze. I had seen her talking with Shane around camp but I recognised her face before Shane told me her name.

"I adopted him," I told her knowing that we both knew I wasn't the one to give birth to him. Her eyes glared into me. She hadn't changed much from the photo Rick had shown me once but I could tell that the years had caught up with her.

This was Lori, the woman Rick had been with and Carl's biological mother. She wasn't his mom, not really. They may have shared the same blood and genes but she didn't care for him like a mom should have. I couldn't say I was there for Carl when she wasn't but after I met him I was there for every cold or sickness he had. I was there to stop him crying when he was so sick he apologised. I was there when he needed someone to hold him when he had a nightmare. It was me and not her. She had no right to him not even now when the world had turned to shit.

She gave up her rights when she signed away full custody to Rick. And now he was mine. I was his mom and I always would be his mom.

"That boy-" she started but I cut her off her with a raised hand and stood from my crouched positon on the floor. I could feel Kelly looking at me but I ignored her. I was thankful Carl was over in the RV with Dale. The boy was far too curious for his own sake.

"Carl, that boy is called Carl!" I snapped at her wiping my hands on my jeans as I caught Shane's warning look. He didn't want me doing anything stupid. "You may have given birth to him Lori but you aren't his mother. If you talk to him or get near him I will kill you. Do you understand?" I asked the woman liking the way she stepped back with a look of fear on her face. "You don't have anything to do with that boy. You gave him up. He's mine not yours!" I warned her giving her one last glance before walking over to Shane.

"Red, calm down." He hissed grabbing my arm and dragging me into the woods away from people. Maybe the red hair did give me a bit of a fiery temper.

"You knew it was her didn't you?" I accused placing my hands on my hips as I stared at him. "You could have warned me. I saw her and connected the dots. She came up to me and questioned about Carl!" I told him pacing before him, running my hands through my hair. This was all too much to take in for one day. My husband's dead, the world is going to shit and the woman that gave up my son is in our lives. "I want her to stay away from him Shane. If she steps near him I will kill her!"

"She's the boy's mother," he started but I cut him off with a slap around the face. I could see the anger burning in his eyes but I didn't care. How dare he say that to me?

"No, I'm Carl's mom. She abandoned him, she left him as a baby. That boy will never be her son. He is mine and she doesn't get to have what we have." I spat at him before marching out of the woods in a fury.

My fury ended when I crashed into a hard wall of flesh. At first I thought it was one of those infected when it's hands grabbed onto my arms but when I looked up I realized it was only Merle Dixon. He had joined our group along with his brother Daryl. They kept to themselves. They stayed quiet and I was curious about them.

"Woo little sister," he exclaimed steadying me when I almost toppled over. I glanced up at him and noted that his eyes were dilated. God damn man was high.

"No more drugs Merle!" I snapped at him in warning and pushed away from him. "You need to have a clear mind!" I hope he would understand that if he was always like this and we got attacked he may be one of the first to go. "If you can't stop using them at least stop it around the kids." I added knowing how hard it could be for addicts to just stop. If I couldn't control his drug use the least I could do is stop him from using around the kids.

I hadn't spoken to the Dixon brothers before now but I had watched them set up their tents a few feet away from everyone else. Daryl seemed alright, Merle was the one that did all the talking and it seemed he liked to have control.

As I entered the group again I saw that Carl was sat next to Kelly talking to her about something that seemed to get her smiling. Kelly was so good with Carl. She may not have been his aunt by blood but she was his aunt at heart. I noticed Lori sulking over by her tent – it had been set up on the other side of the camp fire next to Shane's. I hope she stayed over there and away from us.

"Faylin?" a voice muttered and I looked over to the young man beside me. I think Dale introduced him to me as Glenn. I smiled at the man and gave him a questioning look. "Your boy said you're a doctor. Is it true?"

"I was, well I am a doctor. I don't think the end of the world could stop me from being a doctor really." I muttered to the man as he took a seat next to me by the fire. Carl slid out of his seat and dropping to the floor in front of me, resting his back against my legs.

"I'm hungry mom," he moaned and I tapped him lightly on the head when Carol looked over to us. Sophia was with her mom and I saw she shared the same look as Carl. The kids must have been starving. The sun was already setting low and it had gotten dark quick over here. We had spent all day either on the highway or setting up camp here.

"Okay baby, I'll start on cooking for everyone." I told him giving Kelly a look that stated she would help me. There was no way I could cook alone for thirty people. Carol, Amy and Andrea helped us with the cooking, it seemed everyone was thankful that Shane led them here and wanted to help out. With the amount of us here the food wasn't going to last long. We would have to go into the city soon to grab some things. If this was going to continue then we would have to have regular runs for supplies.

* * *

"Why'd you come for?" Glenn asked as I followed him through a store without being seen by any of the walkers. It was Glenn's word choice for them, according to him it sounded better than infected. I glanced at him carefully making sure he was watching for walkers before glancing around the store.

He had taken us to a multi outlet that stocked a variety of things. The shutters were down on the front of the store but Glenn took us through the back, this is where he had come the last time he was on a run.

"You don't know anything about medicine," I told him walking over to the chemist thankful that the door was open and fully stocked. "I want to start a medical stock. In case we need it, ya know. I want to be prepared in case something happens." I muttered grabbing a large duffle bag and shoving everything into the bag. Glenn looked at me then and watched what I was doing.

"You just look to be shoving anything into the bag," he grumbled pointing out the obvious. I gave him a roll of the eyes before glancing at the cabinets behind us.

"You see this stuff here Glenn," I called to him and felt him come to my side and glance at the bottles and syringes I was pointing at. "This stuff's the good stuff. I'm surprised they had it here." I grumbled sliding open the cabinet and slipping everything into the bag. Once I had everything in the bag I walked over to one of the other shelves and grabbed the rolls of gauze, tape and needles. I had never seen a medical department in an outlet like this before.

"I think this was a medical outlet," Glenn muttered replying to my words as he used his flashlight to light up the sign hanging from the ceiling. I followed his eyes before zipping up the bag once I was sure I had everything from the shelves.

"Glenn, have you got everything?" I asked the man as he followed me out into the centre of the store. There was still loads of medical supplies in here but I had made sure to get all the important medicine before getting ready to leave. The man nodded and picked up the two large bags he had before we entered.

We had gone to get food and that before we came here. I made sure to get some 'womanly' things before we left the store. I knew everyone would be thankful for the tampons, shampoo and razors. It may have seemed stupid but we needed to keep our hygiene good it we didn't want to get any infections from dirt – I had seen it many times with teenagers or 'un-classy' woman.

We rushed back to the car Glenn had parked just outside the city boarders and shoved the bags in. We had three bags in total but they were all large, nearly the same size as me. Glenn jumped into the driver's seat and pulled away once I had closed my door. I knew he didn't like coming here but he made it in and out faster than anyone else.

This was the first time anyone had gone into the city with Glenn and when Shane found out he wasn't happy that I was going to risk my life to help Glenn. I told him to back down, it wasn't his choice over what I did. I wasn't stupid and I didn't like the idea either but I hated sending Glenn in alone. I knew I should have stayed with Carl at the camp but if something happened to him and he needed medical attention I wanted to have the supplies.

"How long have we been at the quarry?" Glenn asked all of a sudden and I knew he had the same curious mind that Carl shared with me. I glanced down at my feet quickly before glancing out the window.

"It's been fifty-three days since the outbreak, so about forty-five days since we made camp at the quarry." I told him bringing my leg up on the chair and resting my head on it as I watched Glenn drive.

"How do you remember that?" he asked looking to me quickly before looking at the road. We were coming to the turn-off now and would be back soon.

"Kelly keeps count. She's trying to remember birthdays, holidays anything to keep her mind off of the end of the world." I explained to him turning my head as I closed my eyes. It had been fifty-three days since Rick died and I was remembered everyday by Kelly's count. It was her way of coping but it tore me to shreds when she added another day or crossed off a day in the diary she had with her. If you asked Kelly she would happily tell you what day and month we were in.

Today was Tuesday 20th July 2010. The world had been to shit for fifty-three days and my husband had been dead for fifty-three days. This was not how I was expecting our future to turn out.

* * *

Glenn was going out again. It had been a week since our run but we were already in need for more food. I looked over at the Korean man and brought him into a hug. I had grown attached to this man since the first night he sat next to me.

"Glenn be careful please." I whispered to him holding him tighter when he tried to pull away. He slowly brought his hands up and wrapped me in his arms before tugging out of my embrace.

"I'm always careful," he teased before heading over to the cars and waiting for the others to join him. I wasn't sure if they were driving down but it was confirmed when Morales climbed into the car and waved Glenn over.

"Don't go please," Amy whispered to her sister as Andrea hugged the blonde one last time. Andrea whispered something to Amy before looking over to me. I knew she was asking me to watch her little sister while she was out.

"Be careful Andrea," I called to her as she gave me a hug as well before joining Glenn. She nodded her head and climbed into the car not turning back to see Amy. I knew she would change her mind if she looked at Amy.

"Don't worry little sister," the familiar voice of Merle called to me as he climbed out of his tent, his gun at his side. I took it he was going to join them. "I'll keep 'an eye on the sweet thang," he mumbled following Andrea with his eyes as she shifted in the car. I rolled my eyes at the man and looked over to Amy when she tensed.

"Get going Merle, they're waiting for you." I told him nodding over to the group that were indeed waiting for Merle. There were a lot of them going and I knew Glenn didn't like that. He had told me he didn't even like taking me out so why would he like taking a group with him?

Joining Glenn today was Andrea, Morales, T-Dog, Jacqui and Merle. They weren't happy that Merle was going but no one would argue with the redneck, they wouldn't even question him. If Daryl was here instead of hunting I knew he would be joining his brother or convince him to stay. Morales pulled the car away from the camp and down the road to the highway. It was going to be a long day waiting for them to get back.

"She'll be alright Amy," I told the girl as I brought her into my arms for a hug. She had grown on me just as her sister had and now I was sure I would miss them if something happened. "Let's go do some chores to keep our minds off them yeah." I muttered and was happy when she nodded and helped me tidy from breakfast. Carol was already there with Kelly and I knew Carl and Sophia were not too far away playing with Morales' kids Louis and Eliza.

* * *

I was cutting Carl's hair when Kelly dropped down beside me looking slightly unhappy. I glanced over at her quickly before starting to snip at his hair again. This was meant to get cut weeks ago but then everything happened before with Rick and then the walkers started appearing. I sighed as I glanced at my best friend hoping she would be alright.

"What's up baby?" I asked her making sure I used our term of endearment. That always made her feel better or brought a smile to her lips. It seemed to work as well this time when her lips quivered up in a half smile.

"It's been sixty-one days since the outbreak," she mumbled dropping her head into her hand as she spoke lowly. I knew she didn't want Carl to hear anything so I quickly cut the last piece of his hair before sending him away to work on some school work with Sophia. Carol decided the kids needed to keep part of their normal lives and started a mini school for them. Kelly would help a lot but I could tell she wasn't in the mood. "I miss home, I actually miss work." She added knowing I would take her seriously then. Kelly was a wonderful lady but she really did hate working at the hospital. She loved her job as a nurse but she always seemed to get the dodgy shifts that had her staying up for hours on end.

"I miss it too but there's nothing we can do now," I told her taking her hand in mine. I squeezed her hand quickly and glanced up when Shane left the woods. I wouldn't have paid any mind to it if Lori didn't follow out behind him. "Hey Kel, I reckon Shane's been banging Lori. How desperate could she get?" I whispered knowing this would gain her interest. Kelly snapped her head over to the dark-haired woman and watched as she went to sit with Carol but stopped when she saw Carl there.

She hadn't stepped near my son since I spoke with her. It was actually funny to watch her walk away when he came near her. Carl told me the lady was weird and it made me smile knowing he wasn't fond of her. I shouldn't have been happy really considering he had a right to know who she was but I didn't know if it was my right to tell him. Rick should have told him, it should have been Rick's decision.

I knew he didn't like Lori very much. Whenever we spoke about her Rick said he didn't want her entering Carl's life again and that when she left him she left him for good. I knew that was his decision. She had signed custody over to Rick so the boy wasn't hers anymore.

"I bet she's trying to take your place," Kelly muttered standing from the chair and pulling me up as well. She pulled me over to our tent and pushed the flap and then shoved me in. God the woman couldn't be careful with me.

"What? I'm not sleeping with Shane," I mumbled to her, shivering at the thought of that man putting his hands on me. I could be sick. I rarely got on with Shane on a good day before all this happened and now Kelly was suggesting I was sleeping with the man.

"I know you're not sleeping with him, eww that's disgusting. Who would want to sleep with him?" she cried out cringing at the thought of anyone sleeping with the man. I glanced at her and felt the smile grow on my face.

"Well Lori wants to sleep with him," I chimed in seeing the smile on her face. We looked at each other then and couldn't keep our laughter in. It felt wrong to be laughing when our friends were out in the city risking their lives for food.

"No I meant she wants to be seen as head female." Kelly stated letting her chuckles die as she dropped down on the bed. I sat down next to her, lying down like she had. We were both gazing at the tent while I thought about her words. "People know you're not with Shane yet they look to you when they need something. Most of the woman look to you when chores need doing. They see you as our leader, she wants that."

"I don't think Andrea likes her," I muttered knowing the elder blonde didn't like her. She had told me, thought the dark-haired woman was a bit weird. Andrea told me that she had seen her looking at Carl too many times and she didn't like it. I had seen her looking at him as well but I knew she wouldn't do anything. How long would that last though?

"I know, Amy doesn't like her either but they put up with her for the sake of the group. They try to be civil but I think they know something's up with you guys." Kelly said and I knew she wanted me to talk about it all. We had spoken about it the first night here when Carl went to sleep but didn't say much. I didn't know what to do really, I never thought I would be in this position.

"Mom," Carl called and entered the tent stopping whatever words were going to be said between me and Kelly. It seemed my little boy was my life saver.

"Yeah sweetie?" I asked pulling myself up off the camp bed and looking to my boy. These two months had him growing again but he was still the same boy I met when he was five.

"I couldn't find you," he whispered and I knew he was scared. He had been clingy since I went to Atlanta with Glenn last week. He was afraid I would leave him and he would have no one. I walked over to him and lifted his head up until our eyes were connected.

"You know I would never leave you sweetie. I'm sorry I did but I won't again." I mumbled to him dropping a kiss to his head as Kelly slide up next to us with a comic in her hand. "I promise you honey. Go read your comic with Aunt Kelly," I told him pushing him out the tent with my best friend before dropping my head in my hands. I knew he wouldn't forget and it was a mistake.

I sighed, leaving the tent, zipping it up as I left and then marched back to camp. I saw Dale standing on top of the RV always on look out. Amy was sat in front of the fire playing with some mushrooms, she'd obviously gone out to look for some again. There didn't look to be anything to do but I needed to get away from all this.

I walked over to the crate full of empty bottles and picked it up. Although Shane went down to get the water from the lake in the tank I needed some quiet time. I could bottle the water in these and then bring them up to be boiled and refilled in a bit. It would hopefully last a long time if I dawdled.

"Dale I'm going down to the lake!" I called to him giving him a smile as he waved at me. I knew he'd be able to see me from up there. I glanced over to Carl when I felt his eyes on me and saw him sitting by the fire with Kelly and Amy. "I'm just going down to the water honey, I'll be back in a bit. Stay with Kelly." I said to him when he went to stand and follow me. Kelly took his hand and pulled him lightly back to his seat and lifted the comic again.

Everything would be fine. Carl was safe and with Kelly, Dale had eyes on him and I would be safe by the water. Any walkers getting to me would have to go through camp first. Dale would be watching anyway and nothing would slip passed him. Well hopefully nothing would.

* * *

Kelly came down to the water about an hour ago telling me the group in Atlanta were trapped and trying to find a way out. When I ignored her and looked out to the water she left me. I had finished filling the bottles ages ago but I couldn't face going back the camp.

This place reminded me much of the campsite we went to with Carl. Rick had found it as a kid and every year since we got together we went at least once every holiday. It was a family thing, something the three of us could bond over.

A few minutes' walk from the campsite was this beautiful lake with a willow tree in the middle. This place reminded me of the lake and it brought unwanted feelings outs. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream but I knew it was stupid. I couldn't let myself go now and become weak when Carl needed me. I had to stay strong.

The loud wailing of a car alarm snapped me from my daze and I shot my eyes to the cliff surrounding the lake, spotting the red car speeding towards the camp. Who was that?

I stumbled to my feet, marching towards the hill that led to camp. If this was someone that was going to threaten us I needed to be there with Carl.

I had just reached the bottom of the hill when I heard shouting and calling. Amy was asking about Andrea so I assumed it was someone from the Atlanta group that went on the run. I saw Glenn as I raced passed the RV and sighed in relief when I saw he was safe. I could hear Amy and Andrea calling for each other and another sigh was breathed.

"Carl honey," I whispered to the boy when I reached him. I wrapped his arms around me and sighed. I knew this must be hard for him. Everyone was welcoming family back. The Morales family were together and safe and I knew he was thinking about Rick. I could see the tears in his eyes but knew anything I said wouldn't stop them from falling. "I love you," I mumbled to him placing a kiss to his head as he rested it against my chest.

"How'd y'all get out of there anyway?" Shane asked and although I cared as well, Carl was my main concern right now. I held my boy to me but listened when Glenn spoke up.

"New guy… got us out." Glenn stated and I just knew he was hanging around that red shiny car.

"New guy?" Shane questioned and I could hear the worry in his voice. He was unsure about this guy. Since we came here to camp we hadn't had any new people join the group and now there was this new guy.

"Hey helicopter boy!" Morales shouted after mumbling something to Shane. "Come say hello!" I heard a door close but didn't want to look. Shane was feeling uncomfortable and I could feel it radiating from him. We didn't know this man, he could be what brings us down as a group. "Guy's a cop, like you." He added and my heart clenched at the thought of another cop in the group.

Kelly sucked in a breath beside me and I felt her step away from us. Who was this?

Carl lifted his head from me and pulled away when he heard Kelly crying. I looked up to my best friend wondering what was wrong with her but noticed that she was smiling as well. Did we know this person? I turned my head when Carl tugged on my hand and felt my heart drop.

This couldn't be possible. This man had been dead since the outbreak. Shane told me he died. But there he stood in his uniform, his face full of amazement and happiness before he rushed towards us. Carl flew towards his dad, letting go of my hand as he did so, leaving me standing there.

"Dad! Dad!" Carl shouted running into Rick's arms as I stood there. I couldn't move. This all seemed unreal, like it was a dream. This shouldn't have been happening. Rick was dead.

Rick feel to the floor with Carl in his arms before stumbling to his feet and locking his eyes with mine. They were the same sharp blue eyes I had looked at when I first met him. This was the same man I feel in love with. This was my husband and he was alive.

Rick reached me in no time and when he was a few steps from me I threw my arms around him, dropping my head into his chest and cried. He smelt the same and he felt the same. This was actually him. I wasn't dreaming or having some horrid nightmare. This was actually my husband.

I could hear him crying alongside Carl and I knew that I must have been crying as well. I never would have thought that I would see Rick again but here he was. I pulled away from him then, his head lifted in confusion but I pressed my lips to his quickly without thinking.

He sighed into the kiss before pulling away and looking over to Shane. I knew he would be thanking the man. It was after all Shane that had gotten us out of Kings County, Shane that had helped us live this long. It was because of Shane he had family to come back to.

"I love you," I whispered to him repeating the same words I had just muttered to our son seconds before. He pressed his lips to mine again before pulling away and pressing his lips to Carl's hair.

"I love you as well," he mumbled using our words. We never said 'I love you too' like many people did. Our words were 'I love you as well'. We felt that it meant more when we said them and it had stuck ever since that time he told me he loved me in hospital. I woke up the next morning and told him that I loved him as well.

"I can't believe you're alive," I cried wrapping myself around him and squashing Carl as he stood between us. Rick nodded his head in agreement, pressing another kiss to my head before Shane walked over.

"It's good to see ya man," he mumbled patting his friend on the back. They never hugged like me and Kelly, just acted like guys and clapped each other on the back but this time Rick hugged him. He pulled away from me and Carl and brought his friends into a hug.

"Thank you," he was muttering over and over as Shane wrapped him in a hug as well, understanding what Rick was talking about. He knew what Shane had done and he wouldn't forget.


	7. Chapter 7

"Mom said you died," Carl stated looking up at his dad as we sat around the fire with everyone else. Rick glanced down at Carl before shooting his eyes to me. I knew he understood why I had told our son that and I knew he wasn't upset.

"Your mom had every reason to believe that. Don't you ever doubt it." Rick told him, running his hand over my lower back as I rested my head on his shoulder. He pressed another kiss to my head. I ignored what was being shared with the group, I knew Rick was talking, I could feel his chest lifting with his words but I didn't listen to them. I didn't pay attention until the orange flames were dancing before my eyes and I realised someone had added another log to the fire.

"Hey, Ed, you want to rethink that log?" Shane questioned looking over to Carol's husband with a questioning look. I glanced over to Ed and noted he was perched in a comfy looking camp chiar while his wife and daughter sat on a log. Carol shook her head at me and I knew she was telling me not to worry. I liked Carol, she was a lovely lady but her husband was not a very nice man.

"It's cold, man." Ed replied not giving a damn about anyone else in the camp. We were all cold, couldn't he see the blankets around our shoulders? Kelly placed her hand on my knee when I shifted slightly. She must have been worried I'd do something.

"The cold don't change the rules, does it? Keep our fires low, just embers so we can't be seen from a distance, right?" Shane reminded the man shifted around in his chair to glance at the man. Ed stared right back at him daring him to do something.

"I said it's cold. You should mind your own business for once." Ed spat back ignoring the fact that everyone was watching now. Shane stood up then and I couldn't help but tense slightly. I knew what his temper got like and I wished to god he wouldn't do anything.

"Hey, Ed… Are you sure you want to have this conversation, man?" Shane questioned and I knew he must have intimidated Ed in some way because the man looked over to his wife before glancing to Shane and then back again.

"Go on. Pull the damn thing out. Go on!" he snapped at her and Carol shot to her feet, obeying her husband's orders. I turned away then, running my hands through Carl's hair and ignoring what else was being said. I didn't like the way Ed treated Carol, she deserved so much more but I would never tell her that.

"Have you given any thought to Daryl Dixon? He won't be happy to hear his brother was left behind." Dale's voice had me turning to face the older man as he sat forward on his chair. The group went silent then and I knew what was on their minds. Merle Dixon had indeed been left behind but Daryl didn't know that.

"I'll tell him. I dropped the key. It's on me." T-Dog grumbled and I could see that this was weighing on him. I knew T-Dog, we had spoken a few times around camp and I knew that he would never forgive himself for this. He was a kind hearted man and he would never intentionally hurt anyone, not even Merle Dixon.

"I cuffed him." Rick grumbled looking over to T-Dog as he spoke. I knew what he was doing. "That makes it mine." He was trying to make it his fault, he always did that. I knew him to do things like that. He blamed himself when I got stabbed, tried to make it his fault when we both knew it wasn't.

"Guys, it's not a competition." Glenn stated interrupting them both before anything else could be said. "I don't mean to bring race into this, but it might sound better coming from a white guy." He added glancing at T-Dog with sympathy. Glenn had been there on the roof, he had seen what had happened. Rick told me what Merle had done and I felt disappointed that the man would do such a thing. Apparently he was taking drugs, after I had told him to stop and after he promised nothing would happen to Andrea, he was still taking drugs.

"I did what I did. Hell if I'm gonna hide from him." T-Dog stated and I knew he had some sense of pride. Not pride for what he did but pride for standing up for what he did. He wouldn't hide away when Daryl returned, not when he got told about his brother.

"We could lie." Amy suggested but was shot down immediately by her sister.

"Or tell the truth." Andrea cut in, rubbing her sister's arm as they sat next to each other. She glanced over to Dale then T-Dog and Glenn. "Merle was out of control. Something had to be done or he'd have gotten us killed." She glanced over to me and gave me a soft smile. "Your husband did what was necessary. And if Merle got left behind, it is nobody's fault but Merle's." she told the group but I knew some people would disagree with her.

"And that's what we tell Daryl?" Dale asked looking over to the blonde woman. "I don't see a rational discussion to be had from that, do you?" he wasn't asking Andrea, but the whole group. We all knew what the Dixon's were like, just saying that to Daryl wouldn't end it. It would make it worse. "Word to the wise… We're gonna have our hands full when he gets back from his hunt." He concluded and I knew he was right. Merle was all Daryl had, they would die for each other. Daryl would not be happy when he got back. Not after going out there for us.

"I was scared and I ran. I'm not ashamed of it." T-Dog muttered after a while and everyone turned to look at him. Andrea looked at him with that same sad smile she gave me.

"We were all scared. We all ran. What's your point?" she asked knowing like I did in that second there was something more to his words. T-Dog had made it his point that he didn't want to leave Merle but he did. T-Dog glanced over to her before directing his gaze to my husband, looking defeated.

"I stopped long enough to chain that door." He started and I understood then why he seemed proud earlier. He knew Merle had a chance at surviving. "Staircase is narrow. Maybe half a dozen geeks can squeeze against it at any one time. It's not enough to break through that… Not that chain, not that padlock. My point… Dixon's alive and he's still up there, handcuffed on that roof. That's on us."

His words seemed to settle around the group but they also seemed to be a signal for everyone to go to bed. Andrea, Amy and Dale were the first to leave and Kelly followed the three of them into the RV. Dale said she could stay there until there was space for her in a tent or until Glenn picked up another one. She didn't want to impose on us now that Rick was here.

* * *

When most people had left the camp fire Rick took a sleeping Carl into his arms and lifted him to the tent. He set the boy down on his camp bed and pressed his lips to his head.

"I love you," he mumbled to our boy before joining me on our bed. It was slightly bigger than Carl's but it wasn't a double bed. He climbed over me, his hands slipping over my stomach as he settled behind me and pulled me to his chest. "I love you," he said to me placing his lips to my neck.

"I love you as well," I sighed letting my neck drop resting against his chest. I needed to tell him about Lori. He needed to know that she was here. She had left quickly when Rick returned with the others and hadn't made an appearance tonight but she would be there in the morning. "I need to tell you something." I told him not knowing how he would react.

"You can tell me anything," he assured pressing his face against my neck waiting for me to speak.

"Lori's here," I whispered fearing my words would get the wrong reaction from him. I felt him tense at my words but I knew I had to tell him. "I wanted to be honest. I didn't want you to stumble upon her tomorrow."

"Carl?" He questioned and I knew what he was asking.

"He doesn't know. She hasn't been near him. I warned her when I saw her. Told her she had no right to talk to him. I told her I would -" I paused then not knowing what to say to him.

"Told her what?" He asked tensing again as he waited for me to say something.

"I told her I'd kill her if she went near him." I muttered wondering what he was thinking. I didn't expect him to laugh. I knew he was, I could feel him shaking behind me. "Oh don't laugh." I moaned turning in his arms and smacking him lightly.

"God do I love you," he teased pressing his lips to mine as I slid under him. He climbed over me his hands on either side of my head as he settled over me lightly.

"Stop telling me. I already know." I told him lifting my head up to give him the passionate, hungry kiss I had wanted to give him the moment I knew he was alive.

"I'll show ya then," he growled sliding his hands down my chest and to my yoga pants. He slipped them off quickly, my underwear following quickly and then he filled me.

It was magnificent. The feeling of him inside me. It had been nearly two and a half months since I had been with him. Since I had been with anyone. The moan I released was loud and I quickly buried my head in his shoulder to muffle anymore noise I would make. His lips ran over my neck kissing and sucking but also masking his own moans.

I wouldn't be forgetting this moment for a long time. It was amazing and showed the pure love between me and Rick. Some people had sex just for the pleasure but it was never just that between us. We may have fooled around a lot while living together before we go married but we had been together for over half a year and we had said the 'I love you' to each other before that as well. Our first time wasn't rushed it was passionate and wonderful. Every time we were intimate we shared our feelings and that had never changed.

When we both reached our high he collapsed on me, crushing me at first before he rolled off me and to the side. Our breathing was fast but we both kept in mind that Carl was on the other side of the tent sleeping. As our breathing slowed I turned my head to look at him and rested it over his chest listening to his heart.

It was his heart that had me knowing what was going to happen tomorrow or the next day. Whatever was going to happen when Daryl returned. Once he found out Merle wasn't here he would bae out into the city to get him back. And I knew without a doubt that Rick would go as well. It was the type of person he was. He would do it whether I wanted him to or not.

"You're going back for Merle aren't you?" I whispered when he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tightly to him. His hand was running through my curls, something he always did after we had sex. He told me once that my hair reminded him of wild flames and it fascinated him.

"You know I have to," he mumbled knowing I wouldn't be exactly happy about this. I could tell from the way he held me to him. He always did this when he told me he was going to do something dangerous at work. He would hold me close and try to get me to forget that he would be going out there to face the danger.

"I won't stop you but what if I don't get you back?" I asked not knowing what I would do if I lost him again after finding him alive. "I just got you back." I whispered feeling the tears slip down my cheeks at the thought of losing him again.

"You won't lose me. I found you even when I wasn't sure you were alive. I could feel that you were still here, you and Carl. I will always find you." He stated lifting my head up lightly and pressing a soft kiss to the tip of my nose. "I love you and I will come back."

"I know," I slurred feeling the sleep take over me as everything came rushing back. These last sixty-one days had been exhausting and I was finally letting it all out. And that for me was exhausting. "I love you." I muttered one last time before settling down against his chest and listening to his beating heart as it lulled me to sleep.

* * *

I woke seconds before Carl did. It was like I knew he was going to wake and my body woke seconds before his. Eye glanced over to us and I pressed my finger to my lips warning him to be quiet. I slipped out of the bed when Carl turned to change into his clothes and slipped on a fresh pair of underwear and some jeans. I tugged on my boots and then a tank top before pulling our son from the room.

"Let's leave your dad to catch up on his sleep little man," I told the boy as he glanced at the sleeping man looking pained. It was obvious he wanted to speak to him, he didn't have much time after everything that happened yesterday.

"Okay," he grumbled running his hand threw his newly cut hair and sighed as I pushed him towards the centre of camp. I had hoped the boy would be in a better mood now that Rick was here but he was still down like the days before. I suppose the world coming to an end and things that were once human eating away at us could scare a child senseless.

* * *

Glenn was stood by the camp fire talking to Kelly when we joined them. He looked to be enjoying the conversation they were having and it made me happy that the two were getting along well. I had spoken to almost everyone in the camp and over the weeks I had made a few good friends; Glenn was one of the closer ones with Andrea and Amy but there was also Carol. The woman may have been slightly older and she reminded me of a mother figure. If there was one woman besides Nana that I would want as a mom it would be Carol. Dale had also become quite fond of me, Carl and Kelly while we had been here. He was like a grandfather to Carl, something he had never had in his life and I think the boy enjoyed it.

"Breakfast's in the RV. Dale didn't want any flies getting to it in this heat." Kelly stated as she cooked off whatever it was she was cooking. It looked like beans but I didn't mind that. It was almost always the same food we ate for breakfast. Beans or rice, whatever we had most of in the mornings.

I ushered Carl over to the RV where Dale was waiting for us in his usual chair. If he wasn't on top of the RV he was either in it relaxing and keeping watch or helping out around camp. I never saw that man actually having alone time but I knew that suited him.

"Good morning you two," he greeted us smiling at me and offering a handshake to Carl. The boy took Dale's hand eagerly and sat beside him as I placed a spoonful beans into a bowl and handed them to the boy. It might not have been much but we were all getting used to smaller portions as the days passed.

"You been up for long Dale?" I asked him sitting down at the table as I watched the elder man carefully. I knew he would lie if he had been up all night but after the first three times he had decided it was better not to lie.

"As soon as the sun rose." He told me and I knew it was true when he opened his eyes wide. It was hard to sleep now-a-days but I knew what it was like for elder people. Nana used to get up all the time when the sun rose. "Been quiet this morning but I got a feeling Daryl will be back soon. Can't stay quiet for this long and not have anything go wrong." He grumbled sending a quick look to Carl as the boy finished his breakfast.

"I'm sure everything will be fine," I told the older man as I stood from the chair and quickly washed Carl's bowl. I wasn't up for beans this morning, I would grab a fruit and grain bar after I made sure everything was sorted within the camp. "You wanna go play Carl?" I asked the boy as we stepped out of the RV. Sophia could be seen skipping with Eliza before waving over to Carl. He nodded and went to walk off to join the girls. "Stay within sight." I called to him before joining Glenn as he stood in front of the beautiful red car.

Jim was looking at the engine and I heard Dale step out of the RV and watched as he joined the mechanic. They started muttering between each other before pulling something from the car. I heard Glenn moan beside me and I felt for the boy. After everything he had done for us, going on the runs and risking his life they had to rip apart the one thing he got from this.

"Sorry Glenn," I muttered to the man placing my hand on his shoulder in what I hoped was comfort.

"Look at 'em. Vultures. Yeah, go on, strip it clean." Glenn cried out turning to look at Rick as he joined us in front of the car. Dale looked over to Glenn and gave him a sad smile. Dale knew how much Glenn loved the car and I knew he didn't want to hurt the guy's feelings but it needed to be done.

"Generators need every drop of fuel they can get. Got no power without it." He stated knowing that his words were right. Glenn knew it as well but he really wanted to keep the car. "Sorry, Glenn." He added seeing how upset the guy had gotten over it.

"Thought I'd get to drive it at least a few more days." He mumbled ringing his hands around his cap as he let out his anger. He was acting like a child now but I knew I would probably feel the same way if I was him.

"Maybe we'll get to steal another one someday." Rick muttered to Glenn trying to get the guy's hopes up again. I knew Rick wanted what was best for everyone and even while Glenn had been the one to save him the fuel needed to be used to keep power in the camp. He looked over to me then and I walked passed Glenn and into my man's arms.

"Hey, did you sleep well?" I asked pressing a kiss to his lips as Glenn huffed out in disgust. I didn't know whether he was disgusted at me and Rick or at the 'vultures' as Glenn had called them.

"Best sleep in a long time," he replied brushing his lips across my hair line as he glanced at Glenn also.

"Carl wanted to wake you but I told him to leave you be." I told him leaning back in his arms and peeking up at him. I still couldn't believe that he was here, it seemed unreal.

"What we talked about last night," he started but I wasn't sure what he was talking about. One thing had been Lori and the other Merle – two people I didn't want to talk about right now.

"Lori or Merle?" I asked knowing he would understand with the two names I gave him. Rick raised his eyebrows at my words. Did he think I was one of those girls that got jealous when a past flame entered our lives? To be honest Rick was the only man I had been with so I couldn't know.

"Merle," he mumbled but I knew he was thinking about Lori now that I mentioned her. "You know I'm gonna go get him when his brother gets back. I want to make sure you're okay with it."

"You know I won't be okay with it but I can't stop you." I told him running my fingers over his face smoothly and watched as he followed my touch as I moved away. "We don't control each other in this relationship. We come to an agreement and we work things out. If you want to go I'm fine with that but if you don't come back I will never forgive you, not because of Merle Dixon." I added letting him know that if he wanted to go he could. I didn't want to control him, but I wanted him to know I wasn't pleased with his plan.

"I'll come back, I promise."

"Please don't make promises you can't keep," I whispered to him resting my head on his chest, allowing him to run his fingers through my loose hair. I never really wore it up, not unless it got too hot or I was working.

"I'll come back. To you and to Carl," he assured me running his hands down my back until they settled on my hips. I pulled away from him then and glanced up at him. His bright blue eyes connected with my green ones but I could see his promise in them this time.

"You can tell Carl," I told him knowing that if the boy got told I wouldn't be doing it. I had to tell him once that his dad wasn't coming back, I didn't want to do it again.

"I'll tell-"

"Mom!" Carl's voice cut off Rick's words and my eyes widened in horror. He was screaming and it was out of fear.

"Carl!" I shouted back running from Rick's arms and towards my son's shouts. I should have never left him alone without someone on watch. We were growing reckless and now Carl was in danger.

"Dad!" Carl yelled calling out for Rick this time. I already knew Rick was running behind me but he heard the urgency in Carl's voice. He was scared.

"Carl!" I called out again hoping he would follow my voice and come to me. I couldn't see him and it worried the hell out of me.

"Mama! Mommy!" Eliza shouted and I knew it was her because Sophia sounded different to the little girl. This one sounded younger and I knew Sophia was Carl's age. My feet pounded on the floor faster when I knew it wasn't only Carl in danger.

"Rick!" Glenn shouted behind me but I wasn't sure if it was in warning or encouragement. I knew Glenn had grown attached to Carl and his safety meant a lot to all of us.

"Carl!" I cried out when it went silent but was revealed when I heard his soft cries. He came into my view then and I was thankful to see that he was okay. He rushed into my arms and I dropped to the floor in front of him grabbing his arm and looking over for any bites or scratches.

"Mom," he sobbed letting his tears fall as he tried to wrap his arms around me. I pushed him back slightly feeling horrid that I couldn't just let my boy hold me but I needed to know that he was alright.

"You're okay?" Rick asked coming up next to us, a metal pole in his hands as he looked down at us. I nodded my head at his words.

"We're fine, he's fine. Go," I ushered him knowing that whatever attacked him was still out there and I wanted Rick to stop it. He followed my orders leaving me with Carl but he didn't go alone. Glenn, Shane, Jim, Morales and Dale followed him and I swear I saw Andrea and Amy running after them. Thank the lord he wasn't going alone. "You have any bites? Any scratches? I asked looking frantically at my son hoping he would answer me. He shook his head no and I allowed him to sink into my arms then.

It was revealing knowing my son was alright. After everything that has happened so far in this world we were actually lucky that no walkers had reached us here before.

I stood from the floor ignoring the mud that had covered my jeans and pulled Carl towards the camp where a worried Kelly stood waiting. She had heard Carl's calls as well but I knew she would stay in camp in case there was more threats and Carl made it back without us. It was our plan from the beginning. Someone would always be there to look after Carl.

"Carl," she whispered opening her arms allowing the boy to run into them. I joined them and held them both close while Rick and the others sorted out the problem. That was too close and it could have been a lot worse. Kelly rested her head on top of mine and pulled me closer. She really was a great friend and I don't know what I would do if she ever got hurt.

The group came back to camp a few minutes later and I noticed that they were led by Daryl as he called out for Merle. This wasn't going to end well and I didn't want Carl here to see it. I grabbed Carl quickly and pulled him over to the RV, pushing him inside and allowing Kelly to follow. I caught the comic she had in her hand and was happy that she understood what I was doing. Carl didn't need to see anything like that around camp.

There was a lot of shouting going on but I kept my eyes on Rick at all times making sure he was fine. Half of the words muddled up inside my head and I hardly knew what they were talking about. My mind was on the walker that got close to camp, it shouldn't have gotten that close without us noticing.

"It's not Rick's fault." I heard T-Dog say clear as day as he stepped up beside my husband and talked to the redneck. I hated saying words like that but I knew the real meaning behind the word. It wasn't some harsh thing to say to people born in the country. It used to mean that they were hard working men and woman that stayed out in the fields working their asses off from sun rise to sun down. That was the real meaning of redneck. "I had the key. I dropped it." He added putting the blame on him so Daryl would leave Rick alone.

"You couldn't pick it up?" Daryl asked and I knew he was furious. I would be to of someone had left Kelly on top of a roof, alone with no food or water. No one deserved that, not even Merle Dixon.

"Well, I dropped it in a drain." T explained sheepishly and I knew he hated to admit that he had actually done that. It was like something out of the movies – dropping a key down the drain.

"If it's supposed to make me feel better, it don't." Daryl muttered standing from the ground and wiping the mud from his pants. He looked miserable without Merle here but I knew it was because he felt like an outside but also because Merle was family.

"Well, maybe this will." T-Dog started looking at Daryl with hope and determination. "Look, I chained the door to the roof… So the geeks couldn't get at him… With a padlock. It's gotta count for something." I knew he wanted Daryl to believe that, anyone could see that on T-Dog's face.

"Hell with all y'all! Just tell me where he is so that I can go get him." Daryl shouted ignoring the looks people were giving him and waiting for someone to say something. When no one opened their mouths to talk I knew I had to say something. Even if I didn't want Rick to go I had to support his decision.

"He'll take you Daryl," I spoke softly but I knew everyone heard me as their eyes flicked to me before looking to Rick when he looked up to me. I could tell by his eyes that he knew I wasn't mad, just upset that he had to do this.

"I'm going back." Rick stated looking to Daryl with such determination it broke my heart. After everything he had been through he was still the same person before the world went to shit. I suppose I should be thankful for that. But I knew it would eventually get him killed unless he change a little. He would still be Rick but he needed to get a steel spine and stop feeling responsible for every damn thing that happened.

* * *

I was alone with Carl in the tent after Rick left with Daryl, Glenn and T-Dog. I needed him to understand that his dad might be not coming back but after last time I didn't want to break his heart.

"I'm not worried." Carl muttered interrupting my thoughts. It was like he knew what I was thinking about. "Are you?" he asked peering up at me as he lay down on his bed. I gave him a soft smile but nodded my head at his words.

"A little, baby," I told him not knowing if we would ever get to see Rick or the others again. It was a suicide mission to go out there for Merle and those guns but it was going to get done whether I liked it or not.

"Don't be worried mom," Carl told me taking my hand in his. It should be the other way round. Me giving him comfort while he worried over his dad. I looked down at him with confusion on my face. Did he know something I didn't?

"Why?" I asked wondering what was going on in this twelve year olds head.

"Think about it, mom. Everything that's happened to him so far" he stopped then, looking at me as if I should know the answer already. "Nothing's killed him yet." He explained and a smile grew on my lips at his words. He was so confident but he was also right. Nothing had happened to Rick yet and I knew deep down inside that nothing would happen to him.

But why was there this nagging feeling ripping at me from the inside?

Carl got up from the bed then, pulling me with him and out into the camp where the others were wandering around. I suppose we should get on with our chores while the others went into the city. Another day filled with worry and chores. Another day of survival. But sometimes survival wasn't enough. Sometimes we needed to have more than just survival on our minds because to me survival's not enough.


	8. Chapter 8

Shane proved today just how unstable he had gotten. I always knew he had issues with his temper but now I was certain it wasn't just that. His display of Alpha male took a hit when Rick came to camp yesterday. People were paying more attention to Rick and we both knew that the group that went to Atlanta saw something in him that Shane didn't have. It was also proven when Glenn and T-Dog went with Daryl and Rick to get Merle. I knew Glenn hated the idea at first but he trusted Rick enough to actually go out there with him.

I glanced at Ed one last time and then over to Carol. She shouldn't have to see this. Not after everything she had been through. Shane had no reason to beat Ed to a pulp like this. Sure he could have told the guy to back off, Ed shouldn't have started on Carol like that but Shane went too far. He was like a wild animal, vial and untamed. The way he beat Ed showed how unhinged he was.

"I'm sorry Carol," I whispered to her as Ed grunted out in annoyance and turned away from me when I went to help. The older woman gave me a soft smile before allowing me to exit to tent and over to Kelly who had been waiting for me.

"Is she okay?" Kelly asked her hand on Carl's shoulder as the boy looked around with confusion. He wasn't there when Shane beat Ed but he could hear the screams from the lake like I could. I wanted to run down there and see what was wrong but left that to Morales. He rushed down and ended up driving back up with Ed and Carol. After that I went to check-up on Ed but the man wouldn't have anything of it.

"She's fine, Ed will be fine." I told her thankful it hadn't been anyone else in the group. I mean Ed didn't deserve it but I was glad it him and not someone else. I looked down to Carl and pressed a kiss to his head and brought him over to a small table we set up a few weeks ago for schooling. "Let's get you doing some work." I mumbled to him placing his book on the table with him and pointing to the maths work he left over the day before. "Get to it baby."

After all the commotion that went on Andrea and Amy decided to go fishing in the lake. There were fish, we saw them a few weeks ago but they hadn't wanted to go before now. I glanced down at them in the lake before looking up at Dale. Since yesterday he wanted to stay on watch make sure nothing happened again that could bring the group to risk.

"You okay Dale?" I called up to the man as he glanced over to the hill where I saw Jim working away on something.

"I'm fine," he mumbled back not glancing my way as he kept his eyes on Jim. I nodded at his words and turned back to the fire pit and helped Morales with his little project of building the fire pits up around camp. After the incident with Ed and Shane last night he wanted to stop any future arguments around camp. Especially now that everyone knew Shane had a quick temper.

* * *

A few hours later Morales, his wife Miranda and me were sat around one of the fires cleaning up the saucepans, cups and plates. They had already been done but someone had left them on the floor and they had gotten covered in dirt. Plus it gave us something to do while we waited for Rick and that to get back from Atlanta.

"Oh, baby. Will you look at that?" Morales said suddenly tapping his wife on the arm as he looked over by the RV. I glanced up from the dish I had been drying and smiled as Amy and Andrea walked over to us their catch of the day present with them. "Hey, check it out." Morales called over to the few others that had joined us by the campfire. I could tell he was happy with the catch. We hadn't eaten anything that looked that good in a while. "Ladies… Because of you my children will eat tonight. Thank you." He declared looking up at the two blonde woman with a proud satisfied look plastered across his face.

"Where in the hell did you learn to catch fish like that?" I asked them as Carl came over and looked at the fish with amazement.

"Our dad taught us." Amy replied handing the fish over to an eager Morales. I knew he would start preparing the fish for dinner now, the smile on his face wouldn't go away as he gazed down at the fish.

"Will you teach me?" Carl asked and I couldn't keep the smile from my face as he smiled brightly up at Amy. He was obviously happy with their catch as well and I was happy that he wanted to learn. It seemed my boy was slowly getting back to him old self. Since we had been here he had been sky and intimidated by almost everyone. It seemed that since Rick came back he had gained a little courage.

"Of course, I'll teach you all about nail knots and stuff." She teased glancing over to Andrea as she spoke. I knew there was something between them then – something personal.

"Mom did you hear that?" he exclaimed not bothering to contain his excitement. Amy looked happy to have received such a reaction out of the boy and ruffled his hair and pulled him into a quick hug.

"Hey, Dale. When's the last time you oiled those line reels? They are a disgrace." Andrea called out to the old man as he approached us, his gun at his side and a grim expression on his face. Something had happened, I could tell that much from the look on his face.

"I, uh, I don't want to alarm anyone, but we may have a bit of a problem." He muttered not sounding as cheerful as he usually was. That was how I could tell that something was up, he wasn't looking happy but rather worried and almost scared.

Shane came over to the group then and had a grim look plastered on his face. I had no idea if it had to do with beating the crap out of Ed or because of Dale's words. Whatever it was I was going to keep an eye on him. He needed to be watched and when Rick got back I was going to tell him that Shane was going a bit loopy.

We followed Dale up the hill where I had seen Jim early to find that the man had been digging all morning. Dale told us that he had already spoken to the man but he had ignored him and continued with his 'project'.

"Hey, Jim." Shane started stepping toward the mechanic carefully not to startle him. The last thing we needed was Jim flipping out and hitting Shane with the shovel. Actually I wouldn't mind if Shane got hit. "Jim, why don't you hold up, all right? Just give me a second here, please." Shane begged – well it was more like an order really – when Jim ignored him as well.

"What do you want?" Jim grunted placing the shovel into the dirt again and shifting it slightly to look at the ex-cop. It was like Jim was questioning Shane's authority. I knew Shane wouldn't like that.

"We're all just a little concerned, that's all." Shane mumbled stepping closer to the man as he spoke. This could turn out really bad if Shane went about it the wrong way.

"Dale says you've been out here for hours." Morales stated walking forward slightly so Jim would put his attention on the other man.

"So?" Jim moaned glancing between the two men, holding his shovel tightly as he spoke.

"So why are you digging?" Shane asked him glancing around at the holes that the man had already dug. "Are you heading to China, Jim?"

"What does it matter? I'm not hurting anyone." Jim whispered as he went to dig again but stopped when Shane spoke again.

"Yeah, except maybe yourself." Shane pointed out then looking up to the sun as it shined down on us. "It's a hundred degrees today. You can't keep this up." He advised the man but I could tell that Jim wasn't going to have any of it.

"Sure I can. Watch me." Jim told him, picking up the shovel again and pushing it into the dirt. Carl brushed against me, his hand gripping onto my shirt as he glanced over to Jim and I could see that Sophia was doing the same to Carol.

"You're scaring people Jim," I told him resting my hand in Carl's back as the boy shook against me. "You're scaring my son and Carol's daughter." I nodded down at the boy in my arms, Jim glanced to him and then to Sophia before sighing deeply.

"They got nothing to be scared of. I mean, what the hell, people? I'm out here by myself. Why don't you all just go and leave me the hell alone?" he started off speaking softly but as he carried on his words ended in a shout. He was getting furious with us all. We should just leave him but it doesn't work like that. I could tell he was dehydrated.

"We think that you need to take a break, okay?" Shane told him using that soft voice he used with Carl when the boy had done something wrong but Shane didn't want to shout at him. "Why don't you go and get yourself in the shade? Some food maybe." He suggested walking up the last bit of hill that was standing between us and Jim. "I'll tell you what… maybe in a little bit I'll come out here and help you myself." Jim looked unsure at Shane's words and then he asked the thing we all wanted to know. "Jim, just tell me what it's about. Why don't you just go ahead and give me that shovel?"

"Or what?" Jim challenged glancing over to the dark-haired man as he leant against his shovel. I swear Jim and that shovel were going to get on well.

"There is no or what. I'm asking you. I'm coming to you and I'm asking you, please. I don't want to have to take it from you." Shane told him sternly stopping in his place as he stood before Jim. I could see Jim was talking him in with disbelief. It was written all over his face that he was questioning Shane again.

"And if I don't, then what?" Jim asked and the challenge tone was in his voice again. "Then you're gonna beat my face in like Ed Peletier, aren't you?" Jim glanced at us all then his eyes settling on Carol as he spoke. "Y'all seen his face, huh? What's left of it." He turned back to Shane than and glanced up at him "See, now that's what happens when someone crosses you."

"That was different, Jim." Shane tried to explain and I was getting a little bored with my husband's friend. There was no explanation for what he did to Ed besides the fact that he has a short temper.

"You weren't there. Ed was out of control." Amy started trying to help Shane explain it to Jim. I was sure Shane could handle his own but Amy had been there to witness it. "He was hurting his wife."

"That is their marriage. That is not his." Jim shouted and his eyes glanced over to me quickly. Was he actually talking about Carlo and Ed's marriage or mine and Rick's? "He is not judge and jury. Who voted you king boss, huh?"

"Jim, I'm not here to argue with you, all right?" Shane snapped stepped up closer to Jim now reaching out his hand. "Just give me the shovel, okay?"

"No, no, no." Jim shouted backing away from Shane as the bigger man threatened to step closer to him he looked scared then and I wanted to know what was going through his mind.

"Just give me the… Jim!" Shane made the wrong move then stepping towards Jim without warning. Jim lifted the shovel, shoving Shane away with it before lifting it again and threatening to hit him with it. Shane backed away then and Jim lowered the shovel but it seemed that was what Shane wanted. When Jim lowered the shovel Shane jumped forward tackling Jim to the floor. "Okay, shh shh." He muttered to the man beneath him trying to get the man to keep still.

"You got no right!"

"Stop. Shh." Shane uttered to the man hoping it would calm him down. I knew it wasn't going to work. Jim was beyond Shane's help at this moment. If it wasn't for Carl wrapped into my side I would have stepped forward to help Jim.

"You got no right!" he yelled out again fighting with every ounce against Shane. It was horrible to watch but I knew dehydration did some wicked things to the mind.

"Jim, just stop it. Hey hey hey hey." Shane pressed himself on top of Jim with all his wait but it seemed the mechanic wouldn't have it. He would fight Shane until the cop got off of him.

"Don't!" Jim called out and I could hear a note of begging in his voice. Shane stopped then but I couldn't see what he was doing as his back was to us.

"Jim. Jim, nobody's gonna hurt you. You hear me? Shh. Jim, nobody is gonna hurt you, okay?" he assured the man letting him go quickly but still saying close to him in case the man fought back again.

"That's a lie. That's the biggest lie there is. I told that to my wife and my two boys. I said it 100 times. It didn't matter. They came out of nowhere. There were dozens of 'em. Just pulled 'em right out of my hands. You know, the only reason I got away was 'cause the dead were too busy eating my family." Jim cried out and I felt a shiver run up my spine at his words. No one should have to see their loved ones get ripped apart by walkers. No one should have to lose their family.

* * *

"What happened to Jim mom?" Carl asked later that evening after Jim had been left by a tree and sorted out to calm down. I had looked him over – he was dehydrated like I thought.

I looked to my son as he sat between me and Amy holding a piece of rope in his hands. Amy had been teaching him a few knots and Andrea had been teaching him different ones when Amy looked away.

"The sun got to him baby. It tires you out and makes you do stupid things." I told him pressing a kiss to his lips as the fire illuminated over thing around us.

Jim had apologised earlier after Shane brought him back to camp but Carl didn't understand why. There had never been anyone like that in Kings County, Carl had never had to face something like that before and I knew it confused him.

"Your mama's right. Sun just cooked my head is all." Jim muttered to my boy as he sat across from us on the other side of the fire. I smiled over to Jim then, he didn't deserved to be looked at differently because he didn't drink enough water.

"See baby, Jim's okay know." I told him before glancing over to the RV and finding myself happy when Morales walked out and over to the clearing with plates of cooked fish.

"I, uh, built up the rocks all around. See? So the flames can be a little higher and have 'em be hidden." He explained as everyone grabbed a plate form Miranda and pulled the fish form the plate Morales was carrying.

"Hey I helped!" I called out sending the man a joking glare when he took the credit for the new improved fires.

"Yeah and Red helped," he added giving me a soft smile and taking a seat beside me. He nudged my shoulder slightly as he sat down on the log and I knew it to mean there were no hard feelings between us. We had been joking around but he wanted me to know it was only a joke.

We were all silent as he dug into the fish. It seemed everyone was enjoying the last of something a little meatier than rice and beans. We were all eating heartily, knowing the fish had to be eaten tonight, there was at least two fish for us to eat. Carol had decided to cook of some rice and sweetcorn with the fish. She wanted us to have a nice, filling meal to keep the normalcy of what used to be our lives before all this happened after everything that happened today.

"Pass the fish, please." One of the other woman I didn't really speak to around camp said to her husband. I think their names were Lillian and Dennis.

"Here you go." Dennis said passing his wife the fish she asked for. He glanced to the man beside him and handed him another fish as well. I knew them to be brothers. They had told us that much when they came here. Kyle his name was – well I think it was

"Man o man, that's good. I miss this." Kyle muttered digging into his second helping of fish, leaning back in his seat slightly.

Morales shifted in his seat beside me and glanced over to Dale. The old man was playing with his watch again. He seemed to do it every night and I knew many people around camp had noticed.

"I've got to ask you, man. It's been driving me crazy." Morales finally muttered interrupting Dale as the man glanced up from his watch and over to us.

"What?" he questioned looking between me and Morales.

"That watch." Morales said simple as if those two words would explain everything.

"What's wrong with my watch?" Dale asked glancing down at the watch and them back up to us a confused look plastered across his face.

"I see you every day, the same time, winding that thing like a village priest saying mass." The man beside me replied as if his words should make sense to Dale. I could see a few people nodding alone with Morales and I knew that it was more than just us two that wanted to know.

"I've wondered this myself." Jacqui said inputting her opinion as Dale looked around the group.

"I'm missing the point." Dale stated looking between Jacqui and Morales as the two nodded along waiting for the older man to give them the answer they were looking for.

"Unless I've misread the signs, the world seems to have come to an end. At least hit a speed bump for a good long while." Jacqui mumbled to him and the wonder could be heard in her voice. She wanted to know why time meant so much to Dale, especially now that the world went to shit.

"But there's you every day winding that stupid watch." Morales added hoping his words would get Dale to spill. The old man stopped and looked around at the camp before sighing and nodding his head.

"Time… it's important to keep track, isn't it? The days at least. Don't you think, Andrea? Back me up here. I like… I like what, um, a father said to son when he gave him a watch that had been handed down through generations. He said, "I give you the mausoleum of all hope and desire, which will fit your individual needs no better than it did mine or my father's before me; I give it to you not that you may remember time, but that you may forget it for a moment now and then and not spend all of your breath trying to conquer it."" He told us and I guess his words made sense in some weird way. I suppose time counted as something. That little bit of extra time we get surviving shows that we thought in this world to live. That means more today than it ever did.

There was silence after Dale's words like everyone was thinking about what he said and the true meaning behind them. There was no talking just the crackling of the fire as the wood burnt away but there were no words shared between us for a few silent moments.

"You are so weird." Amy finally muttered glancing over to Dale and giving him a cheeky smile. Laughter filled the camp at her words and ever Dale chuckled alongside everyone.

"It's not me. It's Faulkner. William Faulkner. Maybe my bad paraphrasing." Dale explained running his hand over his beard as he glanced to Amy. He looked fondly at the girl and I knew he saw Amy and Andrea as daughters. When they first arrived I assumed that they were family.

Amy smiled fondly at Dale and stood from her seat at the campfire and brushed off her jeans. Andrea glanced up at her sister and gave her a curious look. I knew she was protective of her sister but did she have to watch her every move?

"Where are you going? Andrea asked her sitting forward in her seat slightly to gaze up at her sister. Amy looked down at the other blonde and gave her a small glare.

"I have to pee." She muttered glancing round at the group before looking down at her sister. "Jeez, you try to be discreet around here…" she added stepping away from the log she had been sitting on as the group laughed again.

"Hey Amy, Lori's in the loo," Kelly called out to the girl as she took two steps away from us. Amy turned around and looked over to Kelly and then back to the RV. "I'd give it a few minutes before going in there." She advised and Amy sighed before dropping back down beside her sister in the log.

"What is she doing in there?" Amy whined resting her head on Andrea's shoulder and rocking back and forth. The flushing of the chain in the RV could be heard and Amy's head shot up. I knew she wouldn't get up from the chair until Lori had left the RV. Kelly had bene right when she said Amy didn't like her. The RV door opened at Lori stepped out rubbing her hand over her stomach lightly. She looked sick and knew that she had been sick. She glanced up then, reaching for the door when a figure appeared beside her.

I didn't realise it was a walker until it sunk its teeth into her arm and she screamed out in pain. It was a horrifying sound, something I wish I hadn't have heard. We had gone nearly forty something days without seeing a walker and then yesterday a walker was in camp and now there walkers in camp attacking people.

I could hear walkers coming from behind us as well but there was also the sounds of people rushing to their feet. Carl clung onto me as I stood from the log, Kelly and Shane by our side quickly, guiding us away from the walkers coming from behind us and over to the RV. There was only one walker there so far, the one that had sunk his teeth into Lori's arm and now her neck.

"Mom!" Carl called when a walker reached out to grab him. I turned away from Lori and glanced at the walker that tried to eat my son.

"Carl!" I cried pulling him into my side, wrapping my arm around him and turning around so it would be me that got bit and not my son. The pain of the walker ripping into me never came but a loud gunshot sounded by my ear and a rough, warm hand wrapped itself around my shoulder and pushed me up the small inkling that lead to the RV.

"Faylin keep him down!" Shane ordered lifting his shotgun and firing at the walker that was chewing on Lori's neck. The walker fell and Shane pushed us against the RV wall. Dale ran over, ushering Andrea and Amy before him and then turned and helped Shane shot the walkers that were stumbling towards us. Carol and Jacqui rushed over with Sophia and Miranda was following with her two kids, Morales killing any walkers that reached for them.

There was a few of us that were against the RV but only two of them had guns. Shane and Dale were shooting anything that came near us while Jim and Morales stood there in front of us woman and children acting as a boundary.

"Shane! Right in front of you!" Kelly shouted pointing to the walker that was making its way to Shane. As more walkers were coming towards us Jim and Morales picked up two baseball bats that had been lying against the RV wall.

Jim smashed his bat into one of the walkers' head, crushing it from the top down. The walker crumpled to the ground but two more walkers were already taking its place. Morales had just finished killing two walkers when three more made their way towards us.

"Stay behind me!" Shane shouted pushing me back when I stepped to close to him. I stumbled slightly and would have fallen if it wasn't for Carl's arms wrapped around me tightly. He was crying, his tears running through my top and soaking it.

The walkers were being to overwhelm us, there were too many of them and not enough of us to kill them. They were gaining on us and soon we would all be dead and turning into them.

Gunshots rang through my ears as a wave of them shot down the last survivors. I knew these gunshots didn't belong to Shane or Dale but instead belonged to Rick, Daryl, Glenn and T-Dog. I sighed in relief as a last wave of shots went out and it fell silent. The moaning of the walkers stopped, the screams of the victims stopped all that could be heard was the cries of the living.

"Aylin! Carl! Honey!" Rick called out looking over to the RV, trying to spot us with the others. Carl lifted his head from my stomach and looked passed Shane to his dad. I felt the boy relax in my arms when he saw that Rick was fine.

"Dad!" Carl yelled trying to get his dad's attention. When Rick's eyes settled on us behind Shane's looming figure it seemed his body dropped slightly. He had been fearing the worst. I glanced around the camp quickly sure there wasn't any more walkers and pushed passed Shane. I let Carl go when Shane grabbed hold of my wrist holding me back.

"Carl!" Rick echoed in happiness picking the boy up when he jumped at his dad. I smiled at the sight before glancing up at Shane, giving him a stern look and tugging my wrist from his hand. There was an ache but I could deal with that later. "Aylin!" Rick called out catching me when I threw myself at him.

His arms went around my waist and I rested my head in his neck breathing him in. I was so glad he was back. If it wasn't for him we would all be dead and he would have to find us lying around half eaten.

"Lori! Lori! No, no, Lori!" Shane shouted behind us and I knew that he was resting by her as she died on the ground outside the RV. The thought of that being Amy scared the hell out of me. I may not have liked Lori but she didn't deserve to die like this.

"I remember my dream now, why I dug the holes." Jim muttered his voice carrying over Shane's cries as he held the dark-haired woman in his arms. I felt sorry for him I did but that used to be his best friends girl. Did this man have boundaries?

As Jim's words sunk in around the group the few of us that remained alive huddled together thankful that not all of us had gone tonight. If it hadn't have been for Rick and the others returning with those guns when they did we would have lost a lot more people tonight. I closed my eyes at the thought and snuggled closer to Rick as Shane's cries reached my ears.

* * *

I was with Rick when the sun came up. Carl had finally fallen asleep inside the RV, curled around Kelly and Amy asleep with her head resting on my friends shoulder. Kelly had fallen asleep with the two of them and Andrea and Dale decided to leave the three of them until they woke up on their own.

I hadn't left Rick's side since he returned, not knowing if something like that would happen again. I wanted to stay close to him. It was why we were here now. We were at the highest point in the quarry, Atlanta looming in the back ground and the sun rising over the skyscrapers making it look like a beautiful scene.

I knew it was stupid to think in that moment that this was a beautiful sight after the events last night but I couldn't deny it. Rick was crouched down trying to sort out the walkie-talkie he had in his hand. I ran my fingers through his hair as the walkie-talkie crackled and Rick lifted it to his lips.

"Morgan," Rick started taking in a deep breath before he continued. "I don't know if you're out there. I don't know if you can hear me." Another sigh as if he was afraid to continue. I tugged his hair lightly letting him it was okay to be afraid and he lifted the walkie to his lips again. "Maybe you're listening right now. I hope so. I found others…" he stopped then and I knew he was wallow the tears that threatened to spill. "My family, if you can believe it." Another pause and I wondered if it was going to be like this the whole why through. I knew his words were going to be heard, I knew he was going to tell him about last night, but I hoped he could go through this without so much pain. "My wife and son, they're alive. I wanted you to know that. There's something else you need to know." I knew this was going to be tough for him. He had told me how Atlanta had become a safe thought for him when he was with Morgan and his son. But now he had to tell him it was just a dream. "Atlanta isn't what we thought. It's not what they promised. The city is… Do not enter the city. It belongs to the dead now." Rick leant back against me, his head resting against my stomach as he looked out at the city we had lost to the walkers. That was the dream we all lost. "We're camped a few miles northwest, up by a big abandoned rock quarry. You can see it on a map. I hope you come find us. But be careful." He swallowed deeply now and I ran my hands down his neck, rubbing at the base between his shoulders trying to encourage him. "Last night walkers came out of the woods. We lost people. Watch yourself, Morgan. Take care of your boy." Carl drifted through my mind at these words. I knew Rick said that Morgan's son was a few years older than Carl but the thought of any child in this world out there alone scared the hell out of me. "I'll try you again tomorrow at dawn." He said clicking the connection off and dropping the walkie onto the floor.

"Hey," I whispered dropping to the ground in front of my husband, cupping his face in my hands, lifting his head so I could look in his eyes. "I'm sure Morgan's fine," I tried to assure him pressing my lips to his lightly before pulling away and looking down at the camp from here. I could see people wandering around and knew Carl would be up soon. He would freak out if we weren't there. "Come on let's get back to Carl." Rick nodded his head at my words, and pushed himself off the ground, taking me with him.

* * *

Shane was crouched by Lori and he hadn't moved since Rick and I left according to Dale. I glanced at Shane again and then to my husband. Rick was sat on one of the chairs looking over at his best friend and I knew he had figured it out. I sighed, walking over to Rick and settling down into his lap, wrapping one arm around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder. Rick pressed a kiss to my head, sighing before turning back and looking to Shane and Lori.

"They were sleeping together." I whispered to him knowing he would be able to hear me even if I spoke softly.

"I know," he replied just as softly and I knew he wasn't bothered by it. That sent a wave of relief through me and I don't know why. Rick loved me, I was sure of that. I don't know why I was afraid he still felt something for Lori.

"He's dangerous Rick," I mumbled to him nodding towards Shane lightly so he knew who I was talking about. "You should have seen what he done to Ed. He would have killed him if the others didn't stop him."

"I know," he stated again using a tone I couldn't understand. Was he going to do anything about Shane? If he was a danger it meant he would put everyone here at risk.

"Rick you need to-" a loud gunshot ran through the camp stopping my words from continuing. I snapped my head other to the noise, seeing Shane holding his gun firmly in his hand. He had just shot Lori in the head stopping her from turning into one of them.

"We need to deal with them." Shane muttered climbing to his feet and looking around the camp at the other bodies. "Same as the others," he grunted before walking off over to his truck.

Carl came scrambling out of the RV then, Amy and Kelly at his heels and they looked around at the camp. Carl glanced down at Lori before grimacing and making his way over to us when he spotted us. We made room for him as he clambered into Rick's lap as well and wrapped us both on his arms.

"Hey sweetheart," I mumbled pressing a kiss to his hair as Rick shifted under us.

"We should help the rest." He grumbled helping Carl climb off him and looking over to Carol and Sophia. "Carl why don't you go sit with Sophia." He suggested holding my hand as we stood side by side and looked to our son. Carl nodded his head and rushed over to the blonde girl, dropping onto the log beside her.

"Our people go in that row over there. We don't burn them! We bury them." Glenn's shouted had us turning away from our son and looking to Rick's saviour. He looked distressed but I understood why. He blamed himself for all this. For the people dying and the walkers entering the camp. I could tell he was blaming himself. Just as Rick was blaming himself as well. "Understand? Our people go in that row over there." He snapped glaring at Daryl as the man went to drag one of our dead with the walkers.

"You reap what you sow." Daryl grunted dropping the body pointing a finger at Glenn as he glared back at him. Morales glanced between the two before settling on Daryl, dropping the body as well.

"You know what? Shut up, man." Morales spat at him giving him a look that would have scared me if it had been directed at me.

"Y'all left my brother for dead. You had this coming." Daryl snapped back glancing over at Rick as he spoke. His eyes settled on me and I could see some regret there. Over the weeks I had tried to get on with both Daryl and his brother but it was hard when they both ignored me.

"Calm down Daryl," I warned him but he gave me a look and stormed off toward his tent. It seemed everyone was in a mood today. I ran my hand through my hair, glancing up at Rick before shaking my head and looking around the camp. You'd think after everything we'd been through we'd have it easy but apparently not.

Kelly walked over to us after that and she nodded to Lori's body as Glenn and Morales lifted her up and placed her with the others from our group. The holes Jim dug yesterday would come in handy for us now. It seemed he had remembered his dream. More like his nightmare.

"A walker got him!" Jacqui yelled out gaining our attention before pointing to Jim. "A walker bit Jim!" she shouted alerting everyone that there was an infected in our group.

"I'm okay. I'm okay." Jim muttered looking around at everyone hoping they would believe him. This reminded me of yesterday – when he was dehydrated and with sunstroke.

"Show it to us." Daryl muttered stepping forward a determined look on his face as he marched away from his tent and over to Jim. "Show it to us." He demanded glaring at Jim as the man stood still. His eyes were shifting around and I knew he felt uncomfortable.

"Easy, Jim." Shane grumbled coming up behind us with all the commotion. He startled me slightly but Rick's hand on my lower back set me at ease.

"Grab him." Daryl order glancing around at the men in the group and then back at Jim.

Poor Jim panicked at Daryl's words and quickly grabbed a shovel from the floor and raised it in front of him for protection. It reminded me so much of yesterday.

"Jim, put it down." Shane shouted turning to look at Daryl as the bitten man took a fighting stance. "Put it down!" he snapped nodding his head slightly at T-Dog as he crept up behind Jim. The big black man wrapped his arms around the weak man, locking his arms around Jim's and pulling them back. The shovel feel to the floor with a thud and Jim dropped his head in defeat.

"I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay." Jim mumbled shaking his head as he repeated the words over and over. It was sad seeing someone like this. Daryl marched forward then, grabbing hold of Jim's shirt and lifting it to reveal a deep, bloody wound that was oozing with blood. "I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay."

Jim could repeat his words as much as he like but they weren't going to end up true. He wasn't okay and he knew it. We all knew it and something had to be done fast.


	9. Chapter 9

"I told you we'd never get far on that hose. I said I needed the one from the cube van." Dale muttered as we all gathered around the front of the RV which was smoking something nasty. Dale glanced over to me then, his eyebrows furrowed and looking at me confused. Rick smiled down at me, shaking his head and running his hand through his hair.

"I said that out loud didn't I?" I mumbled already knowing that I had. Of course it would be something weird like that to come out of my mouth.

"Yeah honey," Rick stated giving me a soft smile before looking at the RV and then Dale. "Can you jury-rig it?" he asked looking back at the RV waiting for the older man to reply.

"That's all it's been so far. It's more duct tape than hose." He grumbled dropping his hat back on his head before giving us a sad smile. "And I'm out of duct tape." I smiled at that, shaking my head and leaning back on Rick as he stood behind me.

"I see something up ahead." Shane announced running his hand through his hair looking over at us before nodding his head toward the distance. "A gas station if we're lucky." I couldn't help but look away from him. I could still feel his hand on my wrist from earlier back at the camp.

_"_ _I need you to help talk some sense into Rick." Shane muttered grabbing my wrist as I stepped out of the RV stopping me from moving away from him. I shivered at his touch. It made me feel disgusting. I couldn't get him beating Ed out of my head, it just repeated over and over and sometimes I saw him kill the guy. "Look, this C.D.C. thing Faylin, it's a mistake." He stated and when I didn't reply he looked at me in disbelief. "So you're backing him?"_

_"_ _I know Rick's making the right decision. We have a sick man that needs medical attention. He won't last long on my drugs. I trust Rick, of course I'm going to back him, he's my husband." I snapped at him trying to pull my arm from his grip but he only held on tighter._

_"_ _Look, it may be time for you to play the dutiful wife, but you can't tell me that fixing your marriage is worth putting people's lives at risk." Shane spat bitterly at me and I was stung by his words. My marriage was thing with Rick, nothing needed to be fixed._

_"_ _You have no idea what the hell you're talking about. My marriage is fine, we have no problems you asshole!" I fired at him ripping my arm form his hand feeling it burn slightly form the pressure he had on it. "You may have gotten me and Carl out of Kings County Shane but that doesn't make me yours. I am Rick's wife and you need to stop looking at me as if it weren't true. You need to snap out of that habit!" I hissed at him remembering the looks he had sent me when we first came to camp before he got with Lori._

_It was like Kelly said one night in our tent. The man really looked like he wanted to be rolling under the sheets with me. Didn't he understand that I just lost my husband? Did he really think I would sleep with him after losing the man I loved?_

_"_ _I guess I'll just add it to the list of habits that I'm breaking whether I like it or not." He snorted back eyeing my over and I knew that he was stating that was one of his habits. I felt bile rise in my mouth and was about to reply to him when Rick stepped out of the RV looking at us both in confusion._

_"_ _What habits?" my husband asked looking to his best friend and waiting for his reply. Rick's hand settled on my hip and I noticed the way Shane tensed and rolled his shoulders back._

_"_ _Just talking about my need for a plan, man." He replied through clenched teeth his eyes dropping to Rick's hand before looking up to meet his eyes. "So what is it? Are we leaving or not? Maybe y'all just want to stay here. We could hang some more tin cans." He suggested and I knew he was trying to start something with Rick. I knew Shane blamed Rick for all the deaths last night, for Lori's death but he didn't see that Rick saved us all from the same fate._

_"_ _We can't stay here." Rick stated giving his best friend a weird look of misunderstanding. "We both know that." He added tilting his head to the side as he took Shane in. that was Rick's signature 'something is wrong' look._

_"_ _I was telling Shane that we should head to the CDC. That your idea was right. Jim needs medical attention, I can't keep treating him. He'll only get worse." I told Rick running my hand up his back, leaning into him slightly._

_Shane glanced between us quickly and then darted his eyes over to the forest and then back to Rick. He lifted his gun up and gestured to the one hanging by Rick's side._

_"_ _Let's go do our sweep." Shane grunted leading the way over to the forest not bothering to wait for Rick. My husband placed a quick kiss on my lips before jogging to keep up with his best friend. God I hope Shane stops his talk with Fort Benning and listens to Rick. There hadn't been many times when Rick was wrong when he followed his gut and I doubt he was wrong now._

"Y'all, Jim… It's bad." Jacqui exclaimed shaking me from my thoughts of early and gaining my attention. I could see she had the attention of the others as well. "I don't think he can take anymore." She admitted before turning around and entering the RV again. I sighed knowing she was deeply hurt by this. She had become great friends with the mechanic, to see him in this pain my hurt her as well.

"Hey, Rick, you want to hold down the fort? I'll drive ahead, see what I can bring back." Shane suggested lifting up a set of keys and nodding towards the car. Rick nodded his head not really glancing at his friend but looking towards the RV instead.

"Yeah, I'll come along too and I'll back you up." T-Dog muttered walking over to the car Shane intended to take and climbed into the front. Shane looked to the rest of the group and nodded his head slowly.

"Y'all keep your eyes open now. We'll be right back." Shane told them before running to the car and climbing in. He started the car and drove the car ahead and down to the 'gas station'.

Rick took my hand in his and led us to the RV and I knew he wanted both of us to check on Jim. I knew he wanted me there so I could tell him if there was anything we could do to ease Jim's pain. As soon as I saw Jim I could tell he was in pain and I knew a simple injection of pain medicine wouldn't help him/

"We'll be back on the road soon." Rick assured him leaning against the wall of the RV while I checked Jim's wound and his temperature. He had burned up a lot since I last checked and I knew I couldn't do anything more for him then. This fever was burning though him faster than I would have wanted.

"Oh no." Jim started and I could hear that to hurt him to talk. "Christ… My bones…" he stopped taking a deep breath, looking up to my husband. "My bones are like glass. Every little bump…" another needed breath before he continued. "God, this ride is killing me. Leave me here. I'm done. Just leave me. I want to be with my family." He begged and I pushed up off the bed and into Rick.

I had never begged anyone to die before. I knew that was what Jim was doing, he had told us his family was dead. Did he really want that?

"They're all dead." Rick reminded him resting his hand light on my waist as he spoke to Jim. "I don't think you know what you're asking. The fever…" he stopped then not knowing what to say. Rick sighed deeply and I knew he knew that Jim's wishes were for best. "You've been delirious more often than not." Rick muttered weakly and I knew he was trying to stop Jim and have him change his mind.

"I know. Don't you think I know?" Jim groaned leaning forward slightly and coughing into his hand. I saw how weak he was then lifting his hand to his face. Jim was right, he would never make it. "I'm clear now. In five minutes I may not be." He told us reminding us that when this fever was done with him we will wake up as one of the dead. "Rick, I know what I'm asking. I want this. Leave me here. Now that's on me. Okay?" Jim understood Rick well. He knew that this man, my husband would blame himself for something he had no control over. "My decision. Not your failure."

Those words would haunt Rick. He always felt he failed whenever something bad happened on his watch. God he even blamed himself for our lack of a baby. That wasn't his fault and now that the world was like this I was thankful not to have a small child under four to care for. What type of parent would I be to being a defenceless child into the world?

I felt like that with Carl as well. Every morning I would wake up and hate myself knowing my son had to live in this world now. But then I would be so thankful that he was still alive.

Rick muttered something to Jim, took my hand and led us back out of the RV to face the others. They were all watching us, quiet as if to assess us and figure it out themselves. We didn't say anything for a few seconds just taking in their desperate faces and the longing they held there. They all wanted Jim to survive but I think they all knew he wouldn't.

Shane's car pulled up to us and he exited with a shake of his head. Seems his adventure to the gas station was a bust. Something else to let this group down. Something else to fill us with disappointment.

"He wants to stay," Rick announced gaining surprised looks from a few of the group. Carol looked up shocked and I could see the confusion on her face. "It's what he says he wants." Rick added letting them all know that this was Jim's idea and not his.

"And he's lucid?" Carol asked and I knew she was worried he was making the wrong decision.

"He seems to be. I would say yes." Rick answered her but her eyes flashed to me as if she didn't believe Rick. I nodded my head at her and watched her face fill with sadness and disappointment.

"Back in the camp when I said Daryl might be right and you shut me down, you misunderstood." Dale stated stepping towards us as he spoke. "I would never go along with callously killing a man. I was just gonna suggest that we ask Jim what he wants." He told us looking to Rick with a fatherly expression before looking to the RV. "And I think we have an answer."

"We just leave him here? We take off?" Shane questioned shaking his head and proceeding to run his hand through his hair. It was something that pissed me off. He seemed to do it all the time. Did he really need to do it? "Man, I'm not sure I could live with that."

"You don't answer for Jim, Shane. It's not your call. That man's dying in there and the least we could do I respected his last wished!" I snapped at him leaving him no room to argue as the rest of the group nodded in agreement and told Rick that they approved with whatever Jim wanted.

* * *

We left Jim by a tree. It may have been insensitive but he liked the shade, it helped him forget about the fire burning within him. The breeze was a comfort to him. Knowing he was somewhat comfortable allowed me to have peace and deal with the loss of Jim. I didn't know him well so it didn't touch me deeply but I was thankful it had been his choice.

The RV soon pulled to a stop outside the compound build around the CDC. We could smell the corpses once we climbed out the cars and I knew that we had walked into a mass of dead walkers. We slowly approached the metal doors of the CDC, Rick in the lead. The men surrounded us, all carrying weapons and making sure that the woman and children stayed within their perimeter.

"All right, everybody. Keep moving. Go on. Stay quiet. Let's go. Okay, keep moving. Stay together." Shane muttered from the back of the group making sure we all stuck together as we ventures closer to the metal door.

"Keep moving. Come on." Rick whispered stopping outside the doors looking up in confusion. Shane reached his side and pounded on the door trying to get the attention of anyone inside.

"There's nobody here." T-Dog muttered in disbelief. My heart dropped at that. I had been so sure that this place would still be standing. It was the CDC for Christ sake, it should still be standing. Everything in my gut told me that.

"Then why are these shutters down?" Rick asked him looking over to T-Dog before nodding towards the metal grates covering the doors. Rick was right, someone must be here for them to be down.

"Walkers!" Daryl grunted pushing me forward slightly, further away from the oncoming walkers. It was his action there that showed he cared about us even if his actions and words said otherwise. He lifted his crossbow, releasing an arrow and shooting a walker in the head. The walkers fell to the ground with a thud but more were stumbling towards us. "You led us into a graveyard!" he shouted directing his words to Rick as he looked to the man over my shoulder. I gave him a warning look and Shane walked over to the crossbow wielding man.

"He made a call." Shane told him shoving Daryl back when he took a step towards Rick.

"It was the wrong damn call!" Daryl yelled stepping in front of Carl and shooting at the stumbling walkers.

"Just shut up. You hear? Shut up. Shut up!" Shane seethed at him and I caught his eyes as he spoke to Daryl. He looked dangerous then, his eyes flashing with such anger it made me feel sick.

"Shane cool it!" I spat at him, pushing him back away from Daryl. I wouldn't have him starting anything when our lives were at risk.

"Rick, this is a dead end." Shane started turning to his best friend waiting for answers.

"Where are we gonna go?" Jacqui asked looking frightened as it looked like we were about to become walker food.

"Rick, Jacqui's right. We can't be this close to the city. You know that." I muttered to my husband trying to get him to understand that what we were saying was right.

"Fort Benning, Rick… Still an option." Shane called out to his friend but I knew that this was his dream. I knew he was hoping Rick's plan would fall through from the beginning and he could lead us to 'safety' and become the 'hero'.

"On what?" Andrea asked clutching Amy to her side as she questioned the man. "No food, no fuel. That's 100 miles."

"125." Glenn muttered wanting to be accurate when discussing out future 'plans'. "I checked the map." He added when Shane glanced at him. He had that same look in his eye – the one he gave Daryl.

"Shane back off!" I hissed when he went to step forward towards the young Korean man. I looked over to Rick then knowing he would be looking at me. "We need answers Rick. We need answer now." I begged him clutching our son to my side in hopes that it would shake Rick from whatever he had gotten into.

"We'll think of something." Rick sighed finally giving into this dream he had of the CDC being the place for us. I smiled at him softly knowing he didn't really want this.

"Come on, let's go." Shane muttered and I could hear the glad tone in his voice. He was happy that Rick had given into this, happy that this gave him a chance to lead us again. "Let's get out of here. Let's go. Please." As Shane started pushing everyone back to the cars Rick stopped and glanced at something on the wall. Was that a camera he was looking at? "All right, everybody back to the cars. Let's go. Move." Shane order shoving me forward, causing me to stumble and almost fall.

"The camera… it moved." Rick muttered out causing Shane to turn with a sigh. I stopped then and turned back to my husband. Had he really seen the camera move?

"You imagined it." Shane told him grabbing onto his arm.

"It moved." Rick stated looking to his best friend. His eyes shot back to me and I knew he was begging me to believe him. "It moved."

"Rick, it is dead, man. It's an automated device. It's gears, okay? They're just winding down." Shane said grabbing hold of Rick's arm pulling him back and away from the shutters blocking us from the CDC. "Now come on." Rick fought against his friends hold, trying to rip out of his grip. "Man, just listen to me. Look around this place. It's dead, okay? It's dead. You need to let it go, Rick." Shane wasn't begging, I knew that tone of his voice. It was so unusual of him to use that I never forget what it sounded like. This was more of an order.

Rick flew from Shane's arms then and rushed to the covered CDC, banging his hands on the shutters, glancing up at the camera as he did. What was he doing? Carl cried out and I knew he just wanted his dad to follow us and forget about this place. More walkers were coming and soon we would be trapped, surrounded by them.

"Rick!" I shouted out taking a step forward to my husband. I stopped when Carl clutched onto me and I looked to Kelly. I needed to speak with Rick but I didn't want Carl to come. Kelly rushed to us then and took my son from my arms, wrapping him in her own.

"I know you're in there. I know you can hear me." Rick called out looking up at the camera as he smashed his hands against the metal. Shane tried to pull him away again but my husband fought him off.

"Rick please," I begged stopping at his side, placing my hand on his arm. His eyes flashed to mine then and I saw how desperate he was. "Please,"

"Please, we're desperate." He whined looking away from me and up to the camera again. "Please help us. We have women, children, no food, hardly any gas left." My heart was tearing at his words but we couldn't stay here. Here we were dead.

"Rick we need to go!" I spat at him placing myself in front of him, between his hands and the metal shutters. Rick glanced down at me then and I could see his eyes shining.

"We have nowhere else to go." He shouted but I knew his words weren't directed at me. He reached around me and started pounding on the door again but I knew it wouldn't do anything. I could hear a few cries from the others as more walkers appeared and Daryl shouting orders to kill them. "If you don't let us in, you're killing us! Please!" Rick begged glancing up at the camera again.

Shane came up behind him and gripped him under the arms, pulling him back. I didn't want to do it but I knew we had to go. I pushed my hands on his chest, helping Shane move him away from the door.

"Come on, buddy, let's go. Let's go." Shane whispered to him pulling him over to the others.

"Please help us." Rick cried out fighting in Shane's arms. "You're killing us! You're killing us! You're killing us!" he called out looking to the camera with such raw emotion it had me eyes welling up.

He had so much hope in this place and now it was a let-down. He felt responsible for leading us to a dangerous place.

"Everybody get back to the cars now!" Shane ordered when he was sure Rick wouldn't fight him anymore. At his words Rick tried to scramble out of his arms but the bigger man had his hold tight.

"No, no, please!" Rick shouted again but this time we got an answer. Just as the others went to turn and run back to the cars an illuminating light shone over us, freezing everyone in their spots. I barely noticed Rick pulling out of Shane's arms as the door clicked opening and the shutters slid away.

Someone had been watching and whoever it was had opened their doors because of Rick. We all stand there for a few seconds not believing that the doors just opened before Rick leads us through without hesitating.

"Daryl, you cover the back." Shane called out to him glancing back at the crossbow wielder before following Rick into what looked like a lobby.

"Hello? Hello." Rick called out glancing around the lobby for whomever let us in. I couldn't see anyone and that scared me. Kelly walked to my side, Carl hanging onto her but when he saw me he let her go, clinging onto my hand. When everyone was in and the doors closed Rick looked around the room again before calling out. "Hello?"

The cocking of a gun put me in edge as I didn't know where the noise was coming form but then a man stepped out of the shadows and into the light. He had a rifle in his hands and he was standing under a doorway, taking us all in.

"Anybody infected?" He called out asking looking around at us all before settling on Rick.

"One of our group was. He didn't make it." He told him giving the man the answer he was looking for.

"Why are you here?" the blond man asked looking around at us all again. "What do you want?" There were many things we wanted but in this new world we couldn't have them. This world was full of hopes and dreams half of them never getting to come true.

"A chance." Rick replied with resting his hand on my lower back as I shuffled over to him, Carl still clinging onto my hand.

"That's asking an awful lot these days." The blond man muttered settling his eyes on me. I shiver slightly at his intense look but knew he wouldn't do anything. And if he did Rick was here.

"I know." Rick stated and the doctor – I think I could call him a doctor – looked at him with a strange look. The man looked around at everyone, his eyes stopping at Carl and Sophia for a few seconds longer before he looked back to Rick.

"You all submit to a blood test. That's the price of admission." He finally alleged nodding at us all waiting for someone to question or fight him.

"We can do that." Rick told him sharing a look with the doctor that had him lowering his weapon.

"You got stuff to bring in, you do it now. Once this door closes it stays closed." The doctor stated nodding his head to the closed door that would lead back to the cars and the walkers looming outside.

Knowing that we had all come with our bags, Rick led us to follow the man as he opened an elevator door. I could only hope that this was worth it. I watched the doors slide shut and sighed at the thought of us being safe. I hope that Rick made the right decision after all the effort it took getting into this god damn building.

* * *

The burning water felt amazing against my skin. I had forgotten what it felt like to stand under an actual shower and to have hot water caressing my skin. I would die if I ever got to feel this again. I could already feel my muscles relaxing and I was so thankful to Dr. Jenner.

Soft lips against my back announced Rick presence as he joined me. I sighed deeply pressing my back against his chest loving the feel of his arms wrapping around me. He pressed his lips to my neck leaving a trial to my shoulder before he turned me around and pushed me against the cooled, tiled wall.

"Oh," I whispered enjoying the feeling of his hands as they ran down my body, settling on my hips. I rested my head against the wall as his lips ran down my neck, placing feather light kisses over my chest. "I love you," I told him bringing my arms up and wrapping them around his neck.

"I love you," he mumbled leaning down slightly before lifting me up. I loved that he could do that and he knew that I enjoyed having sex this way. It was stupid really, I enjoyed having sex with him anyway but I always loved the feeling it gave me when we had sex like this. I always found Rick to be more primal when we had sex this way – I knew he enjoyed it just as much as I did.

He dropped his head to my chest when he slid inside me and starting a slow pace. I sighed as he gripped into my hips tighter, sliding one hand down, caressing my thigh as he picked up the pace. I dropped my face to his shoulder, biting into his skin lightly as I cried out in pleasure. I wasn't sure if they others could hear so I wanted to take precautions.

Rick let out a familiar groan, one I knew was leading to his release. He pulled me to him, turning us around so he was pressed against the wall, resting against the cool tiles when his release washed over him. He sunk to the floor with a sigh and I rested my head against his chest not bothered by the water washing over us.

"We should wash up," I whispered to him knowing Jenner had told us not to go too 'heavy' on the water. I pulled away from his chest, resting my hand lightly over his heart. It was still beating hard, the pounding vibrating against my fingers.

"Yeah," he mumbled pressing his forehead against mine and placing a light kiss on my lips. He pushed himself up then, pulling me up with him and then setting my gently on the floor. His hands were running over my body again this time with soapy hands as he washed away the dirt. Along with the dirt any pain and sorrow I felt washed away with it.

* * *

I wandered down to the rec room Jenner told us about knowing Carl would be down there if they had games. It had been so long since the boy had acted like a child and I knew he would enjoy this. I could hear Carl and Sophia laughing as I opened the door, Carol was with them sitting on the couch reading a book.

Carl looked up when I entered giving me a big smile before going back to the game of checkers with Sophia. I loved that the boy was happy, it had been a long time, especially after Rick got shot. Carol looked up when the door shut behind me softly and looking relaxed and if I must say happy for once.

"You enjoying your book?" I asked her tugging at the Rick's shirt I had thrown on over my underwear. I was barefoot, my feet sinking into the carpeted floor. It felt nice and it was something I thought I would never feel again.

I stood in front of the large bookshelf looking over the collection of books that was presented to us. I could see a few classics, there was romances as well but they had never really been my types of books. Horror was more my genre but now that I was living in a world of horror I don't think I could settle on one of them.

"Uh-huh." She mumbled closing her book and smiling over to me. "Enough to keep us busy for years." She joked standing from the couch, stretching and looking to the kids. "All right. Come on, kids, its bed time." She announced holding her book to her chest and ushering the kids up to stand.

Carol was sharing a room with Kelly, and Sophia but tonight Carl was going to stay with them. Carol said it would be fun for the kids to have a sleepover of some kind. Try and remind them of life before this happened.

"Go on baby, go to bed." I called to the boy when he looked at me hesitantly. I gave him a smile and nodded to the door where Carol and Sophia were waiting for him.

"Come on you two," Carlo looked to me then and I knew she was happy to be here. "This is the first night we might actually get some real sleep." She whispered and I knew she was thankful for that. We wouldn't have to stay alert in case walkers attack, we would be able to sleep properly.

"I know," I told her feeling the same relief she felt.

"It's a real miracle, isn't it?" Carol whispered tapping Sophia on the nose before leaving them both down the hall to their bedroom. I watched them go before turning back to the books looking for a mystery or supernatural one to read. I guess I could say we were living in a supernatural story now but I was in the mood for ghosts or something.

The door slamming closed had my head snapping toward it that I almost got whiplash from the action. Shane stood by the door, his hand holding the doorknob as he looked at me, his head tilted to the side. I could tell he was drunk.

"I wanna speak to you." He grunted slurring his words as he stepped towards me. He almost stumbled when he stepped closer but I could see the look in his eyes. It was the look he had when he was about to go for Daryl, the look he got when he let his anger out.

"I think you should go to bed." I told him sternly hoping he would listen to me. I could tell he wouldn't listen to me but I could try. "Sober up."

"Come on," Shane chuckled stumbling closer as he looked down at my exposed legs, running his eyes up until they rested on the hem of Rick's shirt. I looked away from him and back to the books pulling one off the shelf and holding it close to my chest. He was behind me, I could feel him there but I could also feel his breath blowing against the back of my neck as he bent down close to me.

"I think you need to leave Shane." I told him firmly sliding alone the bookshelf and out of his shadow. His hand slammed down on the shelf in front of me and I jumped, stumbling back into his chest.

"How can you treat me like this?" He snapped forcing me to turn around as he pushed me into the hard wood, grabbing my chin and pushing it up with one of his hands.

"Shane stop," I whispered trying to turn my head away from him. His fingers gripped my chin, bringing it back to face him as he dug his nails into the skin, holding me in place.

"I just want to talk," he mumbled pressing his face close to mine until I could smell the whiskey on his breath. It made me feel sick and the tears blurred my eyes as I tried to twist away from him. The grip on my chin was like steel, I couldn't pull away. "Since Rick returned. Why have ya been ignoring me?" he asked and I felt furious at him. Did he really not know why I loved having Rick back? Did he really have to ask?

"He's my husband you asshole!" I snapped at him lifting my knee and aiming it at him. His other hand caught my knee before I could get him in the family jewels.

Shane slid his hand up from my knee until it was resting on my thigh. His fingers started running against my inner thigh and I cringed as he raised them higher.

"I got you and Carl out of there. I keep you alive! I had you and Carl, and I needed to think about –"

"No!" I spat cutting him off before he could go any further. "You do not get to use my son against me. You could have gotten Rick out. You don't get a say in what I do anymore. I don't belong to you!"

"I saved you! What did Rick do? He couldn't protect you!"

"You told me my husband was dead! You didn't give him a chance! You left him there to die!"

"If you thought for one second that he was still alive, would you have come? So I saved your life—you and your little boy's. That's what I did. Right?" he snapped pushing my head back against the shelf with such force I went dizzy and saw white dots before my eyes.

"I wasn't your choice to make!" I fired back at him trying to get out of his grasp again. This man was crazy. Did he think he could put some clam on me because he saved me? I had a husband, a man that loved me and was here now. Shane needed to back off.

"Things were falling apart. They were slaughtering people in the hallways. It was a massacre. There were walkers everywhere." Shane muttered shaking his head back and forth as if he was trying to fight off those memories.

"You left him there Shane. You left him to be killed!" I spat at him knowing that it was true.

"Everybody else ran. There were no doctors there. It was just me. He was hooked up to machines and I did not know what to do. I even took my ear and I put it on his chest and I listened for a heartbeat and I did not hear one. And I-I-I-I—I don't know why. Maybe it was gunfire. I don't know what it was, but there was no way he could've survived that. No way." Shane told me letting his hand that was on my thigh settle on my hip. I had Rick's hands on my no less than an hour ago and no I had his hands over me. It made me feel disgusting and I wanted him to back off. "I needed to get to you."

"Did you really think that once I found Rick dead I would be glad to go with you? Did you really expect me to fall into your arms?" I cried to him pushing my arms against his chest wanting him to get away from me.

I hadn't been blind. I had seen the way he looked at me the first time we met. The first time I had seen Shane was in the hospital after Rick bought him in because of some accident at the sheriff's department. He had winked at me then but I had thought nothing of it. It was as the years went by that he paid more attention. Gave me longer glances, gave me the same looks he gave to the woman he was sleeping with. Gave me the same look he gave to Lori when he suggested that they sneak off into the woods to fool around.

"And if I could've traded places with him, I would have." Shane muttered but I knew he didn't mean it. I knew that he was upset about Rick 'dying' but he didn't act like it at the time. I would trade places with him right now because-"

"Let me go Shane, please" I begged him shaking my head as much as I could with him holding my chin. I didn't need to know what he wanted to say. I already knew what he was going to say and it wasn't true – he was hurt over losing Lori.

"I love you. I would trade placed with him now because I love you." He told me removing his hands from where they rested and placed them firmly on my shoulders.

"No, no you don't." I mumbled to him turning my head away from him when he brought his face closer. "You're drunk Shane, you don't know what you're saying."

"I do." He grunted pushing his body against mine and I felt disgusted when I could feel erection pressed into my stomach. "And I know there were some things that say that you love me, too. Because there's no way that you could've been with me the way that you were."

"I was never with you Shane! I never slept with you! You're confusing me with Lori." I told him pushing against his chest wanting him away from me now. I didn't know what he would do.

His sobs broke through the room and he dropped his head onto my shoulder as he shook uncontrollably. "You love me. You love me. You love me." He cried over and over and part of me felt sad for him but the majority of me didn't.

"I don't love you Shane." I whispered to him keeping my face away from him as I glanced over to the door wishing someone would come in now. "I love Rick."

At my words he froze, his sobs stopping as he pulled back and looked at me. It was that look again. The one that made me think he was ready to kill. He brought his hand up to my neck in one swift motion. It was done so fast I hadn't realised he had moved.

"Get off me. Get your hands off me." I choked out clawing at his hand around my throat as his other hand went to the base of my shirt, gripping it tightly in his hand.

"I can make ya love me. I can make you love me." He seethed pushing the shirt up, his fingers swiping over my stomach as he pushed me into the wooden shelf. The air rushed out of my lungs and I fought for breath, finding it hard with his hand around me throat.

"Get – off – me." I coughed digging my nails into his hand, kicking my legs at him trying anything to get him off of me. "Please."

"Listen here Faylin," Shane muttered darkly glaring at me as he spoke. "It don't matter that Rick's here, I got you out safely, and you're mine not his, mine. Do you understand me? I said do you under-" Shane lurched to the side, bringing me with him slightly before his hand released around my neck.

I placed my cool hand over my burning neck and glanced over to Shane, my mouth hanging open when I saw Rick on top of him. His fist connected with Shane's face with such force it knocked him out. I could see his shoulders shaking and knew he was furious. He was breathing heavily, and his hand – the one he had punched Shane with – was shaking. He raised his arm again and I cried out.

I didn't need Rick killing him. He would never forgive himself for killing his best friend, even with these circumstances. Rick snapped his head to me and his face softened when he saw me. I must have looked a mess. My husband climbed off of his unconscious friend and walked to me slowly. I knew he must have thought I was afraid of him.

I threw my arms around him, letting my head drop on his shoulder as the tears consumed me. I held him close but even I could feel my body shaking.

"Oh sweetheart," he whispered bending down and picking me up, his arms under my knees. He bought me close to his chest, pressing a kiss to my head before rushing me out of the room. "I'm so sorry." He grumbled and I knew he was upset. Upset that he had allowed something like this to happen. Upset that his best friend would do this. Upset about every damn thing in the world.

He seemed sober, but I knew he had drunk a lot at dinner. I had watched them all drink, sipping at one glass of red wine as I watched them all. I wasn't the biggest fan of alcohol – not since that one night in Atlanta.

We were in our room, Rick settled me down on the makeshift bed, pulling me into his arms as he covered us in the blanket. He was mumbling under his breath and I couldn't make sense of his words but it calmed me knowing he was here. All I knew was that in the morning some real deep shit was going to go down.


	10. Chapter 10

"Are you hung over?" Carl asked his dad as soon as we entered. Rick woke this morning in a 'depressed' type of mood. I knew what was bothering him. The fact that his best friend attacked me last night and he had to stop it before it lead to something darker. Rick glanced to his son, his hand rubbing lightly at my lower back. "Mom said you'd be." Carl added looking to me as if asking if what I said was true.

"Your dad didn't drink that much buddy," I told the boy lightly pressing a kiss to his head as he went back to eating his eggs. T-Dog was behind the counter in the kitchen, cooking away making eggs. Glenn came stumbling into the café area then, his hand raised over his head as he groaned and squinted away from the light. I could tell he had a nice hangover.

T-Dog handed a plate of powered eggs to Glenn while Amy, Andrea and Dale laughed at him when he dropped down beside them on the table. Jacqui stood behind him, rubbing his shoulders and Kelly handed him to pills. Glenn glanced at the pills then quickly snatched them from her hand, swallowing them down with water.

I dropped into the seat besides Carl, Rick sitting in the other chair at my side, letting his arm drop around the back of my seat. His other hand rubbed at my leg lightly under the table before he lifted it up, playing with a glass on the table. T-Dog placed two plates in front of us, giving us a small smile before he went to dish up for the others.

"Hey," Shane's voiced sounded from the entrance and I tensed in my seat but relaxed when Rick's hand rubbed my shoulder. There was a chorus if hello's to the man as he walked over to T-Dog and the food. Rick stayed silent, not touching his food but staring at his friend on the opposite side if the room.

"What the Hell happened to you?" T-Dog asked and I knew he was talking to Shane. I felt Rick tense next to me and wondered what he was expecting from Shane. The man wouldn't out right say he tried to rape his best friends wife.

"Must 'ave fallen last night. Don't remember anything." He grunted and I glanced up at him quickly seeing that he was leaning against the side. His eyes flicked over this way and I dropped my head to the table, playing with my eggs. I couldn't stand him. "Hey, Doc." Shane added when Jenner entered the room, going straight for the coffee and pouring himself a mug.

"Doctor, I don't mean to slam you with questions first thing-" Dale started but was cut off by Jenner.

"But you will anyway."

"We didn't come here for the eggs." Andrea muttered ignoring the look Amy was sending her as she spoke to the doctor. I sighed at Jenner nodded and directed us towards the same lab we had been in yesterday. Looks like we would be finding out some new things about this place.

* * *

Turns out this place had got more secrets than would could have dreamed of. In less than an hour 'decontamination' would begin and lord knows what that meant. I was in my room with Carl and Kelly, the latter helping me pack everything into our bags.

When Rick ran down to the basement to check the fuel situation the others had followed us back to their rooms. I think they knew like me that it was just a dream to stay here now. I wanted to be ready to leave if we had to.

"Mom what are you doing?" Carl asked looking over at me and Kelly frowning in confusion. I glanced to my best friend asking her with my eye how I could answer him. I didn't want to destroy his hope by telling him it wasn't safe here.

"We have to leave," Kelly told him taking the lead on this one. Carl looked to her then, his face in a frown.

"Why?"

"The powers going to go soon and we'll be trapped under here." Kelly told him glancing at me quickly before looking back down at my son. "You don't want to be trapped here right?"

"No I don't," he muttered looking around the room and shivering at the thought of being trapped under ground.

"Hey, why don't you go get a book and some games from the rec room? You can take them with us." Kelly seemed to convince the boy that it was a good idea as he left the room with a nod running down the hallway. "Do you think we'll be able to get out?" She asked leaning against the wall.

"Rick will get us out," I told her running my hand over my neck as it stung a little. I could still feel Shane's hand around my throat.

"Something happened last night." Kelly stated looking at me with a frown. "I saw the way you, Rick and Shane acted this morning. Rick wouldn't leave you alone, kept you in his sight. And Shane's eye? What was that about?" she asked and I knew she should know. She would find out soon enough anyway. Rick wouldn't keep up this pretence with Shane for long.

"Shane attacked me last night." I admitted looking away from her as I spoke. I couldn't bear to see the look she gave me. "He told me he loved me and that I belonged to him. Told me he deserved me because he got me out safely, said that Rick wouldn't be able to protect me. He wrapped his hand around my throat and he was going to go further … he was going to … Rick stopped him before he could." I told her finally looking at her only to see that she was trying to hold in her anger. "Don't say anything Kelly. Rick needs to deal with this and you'll only make it worse."

"I can't believe you're asking me that." She mumbled shaking her head but then nodding when I sent her a firm look. "Fine but once Rick gets to him I'm going to torture him until he begs to die."

"Right okay," I muttered giving her a funny look before glancing around the room. "I think we should pack all the food in the kitchen. Maybe Jenner will come with us but I want to be ready." I told her leading her out of the room only stopping when Carl came rushing back with two books and some travel sized kits. "Put them in your bag baby." I mumbled to him brushing his hair from his face and leaving knowing he would find us or Carol.

"Isn't it stealing if we take the food?" Kelly asked stopping before entering her room and disappearing for a few seconds. I waited for her wondering what the hell she could be doing when she returned with four pillow cases. "Makeshift bags." She explained handing me two. Of course we were going to need something to put food in.

"I think this decontamination is more than what he's telling us." I mumbled entering the café and marching over to the large cupboard that were stacked with the remaining food. There was lots of powdered milk in sachets, along with powdered eggs and tins of all sorts. "Remember what would happen in the lab when we were at med school?" I asked her knowing that she would know even though we weren't in med school together.

"Decontamination would result in disposal of anything contaminated by fire." She announced and then froze at her words. "That son of a bitch. He's going to blow us up!" she exclaimed shoving one tin into the pillowcase violently. "Defiantly stealing his food now."

"Let's hurry up in here and maybe we can steal his medical supplies as well." I suggested knowing that it would make my best friend feel better.

"You know this whole end of the world thing has changed you into quite a criminal. What would your officer husband think of you know?" she teased throwing the last few things from the cupboard into the bag. I rolled my eyes at her as we slammed the doors shut and stepped back.

"I think it would give Rick quite a thrill." I replied to her pushing her slightly as we made it towards the door.

The lights flashed out then and Kelly squeaked as he were washed in the glow of the emergency lights. I knew something was wrong then and shuffled my way towards the door. My hand slipped on the handle before I grasped it into my hand and tugged on the cool metal.

We rushed down the hallway that led to the rooms finding that the lights were also down here and that the air-con had gone off. I ran in to our room hoping to find Carl but noticed that he wasn't there. His bag was on the bed but my son was nowhere to be found. I dropped the two pillowcases I had in my hands and brushed passed Kelly and into the hallway.

"Carl!" I called out hoping he would be able to hear me. "Carl!" Kelly rushed behind me also calling out for the boy but I knew that if he was here he would have answered by now. I rushed down the hall towards the bog room knowing that if anything happened everyone would go there.

"30 minutes to decontamination." VI's voiced echoed around the hall and it panicked me to know that we had already wasted thirty minutes which may have been our last. I glanced over to Kelly and we both picked up the pace knowing the big room was round the corner.

I saw Rick first, leading the group to the exit and I sighed in relief.

"Rick!" I shouted gaining his attention as my husband looked up and caught my eye. He opened his mouth to reply but before he could say anything the doors slammed shut. "Rick! No, no!" I screamed rushing to the door pounding on the heavy metal that separated me from my husband. "Rick!"

"Hey, Fay stop, stop!" Kelly ordered pulling me away from the metal doors, pulling me into her arms and pressing her lips to my head. "We'll get them out."

"How!" I snapped at her pushing out of her arms and pacing in front of the metal doors. "How are we going to get them out!" I asked her again slamming my fist against the metal and sinking to the floor. I let the tears slip from my eyes then, bringing my knees up to me chest and hugging them to me. I couldn't deal with this, not without Rick.

"Jenner's office," Kelly muttered interrupting my thoughts.

"What?" I asked her wiping the tears as they ran down my cheeks and looked up to my friend. She had that 'I have a plan' look on her face.

"Jenner's office overlooks the big room." She reminded me and I remembered when he had pointed it out yesterday when we walked around the place. I nodded my head at her and pushed myself from the floor.

"Let's go then." I mumbled wiping my wet cheeks with the bottom of my shirt.

"I'm stealing everything from his room" Kelly grumbled following behind me.

* * *

His office was neat, nothing seemed out of place but it seemed stiff in here. Once we entered I rushed to the window that looked down over the big room slamming my hand against the window to gain Rick's attention.

His head snapped up to the noise and his face washed in relief when he saw me. He was stood in front of Jenner and I knew he was trying to convince him of something. My eyes searched for Carl, finding him in the arms of Am as the blonde girl tried to assure him. His eyes looked up to me like his dad's and the tears dripped down his face. I gave him a soft smile before glancing over to Kelly.

She had pulled the doctor's bag that had been resting on one of the tables and was already filling it with everything that was in the cabinets.

"I thought this place was full of scientists." She muttered looking over to me as she held up some powerful pain medication. "Why all the hard-core medical supplies?" she asked not understanding but still filling the bag, stuffing everything into it without hesitation.

I walked over to the desk looking around at the things scattering his desk. There was a photo of a beautiful woman – I assumed she was his wife – and next to it a tattered journal of sorts. I picked up the journal, running my fingers over the worm leather before flicking it open to a random page.

_The TS19 samples are gone. The tragedy of their loss cannot be overstated. They were our freshest samples by far. None of the other samples we gathered even came close. Those are necrotic, useless dead flesh._

_I found something new today. Something that would change everything …_

"Do you think we could smash a window?" Kelly asked zipping up the large doctor's bag and glancing at the wall-window in front of us. I glanced away from the journal, closing it and holding it tightly to my chest. I'll be taking it with me. If Jenner noted down anything from his research I wanted to know about it.

"I don't think it would work." I told her walking over to the window and glancing down at the others below. We needed to get them out. We needed to get them out and then we needed to leave this place.

Rick was still talking to Jenner while Daryl was smacking away at the doors with an axe. I glanced over to the clock feeling my stomach churn when it showed that there was only eight minutes left till decontamination hit. I glanced back over to Rick noting that Jenner said something to him before walking over to the computer and typing something in.

Rick glanced over to the door and I followed his actions. I breathed out a sigh of relief when I saw the doors open and glanced back to Rick who was already looking up at me. He nodded his head towards the door and I knew he wanted us to leave.

"Kelly their out, we need to go." I shouted at her clutching the journal in my hand as I rushed out of the door. I heard Kelly grab the bag off the table before rushing after me.

Rick met us in the hallway, bringing me into his arms before pulling me down the hall to the rooms.

"We need to grab everything and leave." He ordered pushing into our room. He stopped when he saw the four pillowcase but shook his head and picked one up glancing into it. His head shot to us then and I smiled slightly.

"We had time on our hands, thought we'd loot form the man that's about to kill us." I told him throwing one of the backpacks onto my back before grabbing the other and slinging it over my shoulder. I helped Carl put his bag on before grabbing the two last pillowcases, following Rick out as we rushed out the room and met the others in the hallway.

Daryl was at the front of the group and when he saw Kelly struggling with the large doctor's bag he took it off her and handed her a different, lighter bag he had in his hand. She smiled at him gratefully before following him out of the room.

When we reached the lobby we all stopped. I guess Jenner was lying when he said the doors wouldn't opening again yesterday when he let us in. I glanced around the room for something but also taking in everyone around us. Carol was digging around in her bag, Sophia by her side. Daryl had dropped the doctor's bag by Kelly's feet and rushed over to the large window, hitting it with the axe. Shane was there next to him firing rounds from a rifle. Both of them were getting nowhere.

Andrea was hugging Amy to her side and Dale was stood behind the two girls, glancing down at his watch. I knew he was counting down the time we had left. T-Dog and Glenn were looking around the lobby for something that would help break the window when Carol stepped up to Rick.

She had a grenade in her hand and I knew what she was thinking. Rick squeezed my hand and ordered us all to standing back. Seconds later he was jumping towards us and a loud boom echoed through the lobby creating our exit.

I could feel the air that came from the exploded window and sighed in relief as Rick helped me to my feet and pulled us to the new exit. We scrambled out of the window, avoiding walkers or in Daryl's case axing them in the head.

"Come on come on." Dale shouted glancing down at his watch as he pushed the two blonde girls he saw as daughters closer to the RV. Almost everyone scrambled into the RV except for Shane, T-Dog and Daryl who all rushed off to their own cars.

"Everybody get down!" Rick shouted pushing Carl down to the RV floor and grabbing my hand as he did the same.

The RV rocked with the explosion of the CDC and everyone stayed silent as the flames roared outside destroying everything it touched.

Rick's hand let go of mine as he climbed back to his feet. I followed his lead and peeked out the window and the inferno that we had been in two minutes before.

"Oh my god," I whispered clutching hold of Rick's hand when I realised just how close we had come to our death. The hand in mine squeezed back in comfort as we watched the burning flames dancing in front of us. Where would we go now?

* * *

Day 67 of the end of the world. The second morning after we left the CDC. The second morning waking up without Jacqui. Life is shit.

"What?" Rick grumbled to me resting his hand lightly on my knee as he pulled the car to a stop when we reached a pile up on the highway. I turned to him realising I must have spoken out loud.

"Nothing," I mumbled leaning over and placing a kiss on his cheek as he opened his door and climbed out of the car. "You coming buddy?" I asked looking back at Carl as I opened my door. The boy nodded, climbing out of his seat, taking my hand in his.

We followed his dad over to the RV where Dale, Shane and Daryl were talking. The RV was smoking again and I knew that we would be here for a while.

"A problem Dale?" Shane asked when we joined the group. Amy and Andrea were hanging out the door of the RV, I could see that Andrea was looking more upset today than she was yesterday.

She had wanted to stay at the CDC with Jenner and Jacqui, she wanted Amy to stay with her. She wanted to end their lives there and I understood why. She was looking at for her little sister, she was making a choice that she thought would benefit her sister. Accept Amy didn't want to go out like that. She wanted to go out fighting, fighting to make this world a safe place again. She wanted to die in a world that resembled the one she had been born into.

Let's just say that Andrea wasn't happy with Amy's decision and had only left the CDC because she had promised their dad to watch over Amy. Since we left Andrea had not spoken to her sister, not really looked at her.

"No, it's not like we're stuck in the middle of nowhere, with no hope." Dale muttered looking around at the deserted cars his eyes settling on Daryl as the man opened the trunk and started looking through the items. "Okay, I take back what I said." He grumbled nodding his head towards the man as he shuffled around a few things.

"If you not manage to find a hose here ..."

"One can even find a bunch of other stuff."

"I'll siphon off some reservoirs, for starters."

"There may be water."

"And food."

Their words were mumbling together and instead of actually listening I just nodded my head long with them and stalked off to one car while Carol and the kids followed. Carol's hand rested against my shoulder lightly when I stopped to look into one car full of dead corpses. I could tell they were a family, a mother, father and their two kids. To think they had died out here trapped and scared.

"Don't look kids," she order her daughter and my son as they followed behind us. They listened to her instructions, ducking their heads and rushing passed us. We stopped at a nearby car, opening the trunks of the two closest to us, the kids searching the trunk of the car in front. Daryl had walked passed early, opening the trunks of cars for us and the kids wanted to help by doing it their own.

"Stay in my sight Carl," I called to him when he went to walk off to another car which would be out of my sight. After the incident at the quarry I wanted to be careful. He nodded his head and glanced to the blonde girl next to him.

"You too Sophia," Carol muttered to her daughter placing a suitcase from the car down beside her feet. She was right, we did need clothes.

I opened the suitcase in the trunk of my car, my heart stopping when I saw the little pink dresses and shirts. I lifted up a dress, it was white with pink flowers and butterflies and it was adorable. I was fascinated by it really and I knew I shouldn't have taken this long to look through the trunk but my mind seemed to freeze at the baby clothing. I could have had a little girl. Or I could have been carrying a little girl now but instead I was fighting for my life.

A hand grabbing hold of my wrist had me snapping out of my thoughts. My eyes snapped up to see my husband staring at me in horror. I glanced behind him, seeing the walkers slowly making their way through the broken cars. I glanced to the RV, Dale and Amy lying flat against the roof.

"Under the cars!" Rick hissed pushing me forward towards a truck, nodding his head to the floor hoping I got the hint. Carol was climbing under the car in front of ours and Carl and Sophia were standing their both looking frightened out of their minds. "Carl! Sophia! Under the cars!" he whispered to them nodding to the cars beside the kids. Carl slide under the car next to the van that I had just slipped under while Sophia scrambled under the car next to her mom's. I glanced over to Carl but then the boy was out of my sight as Rick shuffled under the car next to me. His hand gripped mine tightly just as the first walker stumbled passed.

The horde of walkers seemed to go passed us in slow motion, Rick's fingers running along my hand in reassurance as he glanced across to our son as he hide under the next car. I could hear Carol muffling her sobs with a hand over her mouth and I knew she was glancing across at her daughter. I felt horrid knowing both the kids where left alone under the cars and I wondered where Kelly was then, hoping she was fine.

Rick's grip on my hand loosened as he glanced out at the last coming walkers, time really did slow down with our lifelines so close to their ends. My eyes met Carl's over Rick's shoulder giving him a soft smile to try and reassure him like his dad had done for me minutes ago. I hated seeing him scared, he shouldn't have to fear for his life. But in this world he had no choice.

A shrill cry entered my ears and I snapped my head to Sophia as she scrambled out from under the car. She had tried crawling out from under the car when she thought it was safe but a walker had been there. It followed her under the car and the poor girl rushed out the other side. Rick slid out from under the car, holding his hand out to stop Carl but I followed him out.

If Sophia was out there being chased by one of those thing then Carol would be out of her mind. As soon as I stumbled to my feet the grey-haired woman staggered to her feet, her hands over her mouth as her sobs racked through her and the tears cascaded down her face.

I rushed to the woman, wrapping my arms around her so she couldn't run off after her daughter. I glanced to where I had last seen the girl only to see my husband climbing the guardrail, running after her. Rick would bring her back. He would kill the walkers and bring her back to her mom.

"Shh Carol, shh." I mumbled to her as Carl joined us, burying his head into my side as he tried to muffle his sobs. I rested one hand on his hair while the other held onto the crying mother.

* * *

When Rick returned without Sophia, Carol broke down but was slightly reassured when Rick, Daryl, Glenn and Shane went out to find her. I knew it wouldn't comfort Carol to know these things but there wasn't much she could do.

She only got worse when Glenn and Shane returned without any news. Since Sophia left she had found a spot on the guardrail and hadn't moved since. It was painful to watch her and I could only imagine what it felt like for her to be going through this.

"How is she?" Glenn asked as he came to my side looking over at the tearful mother as she perched on the guardrail. I looked to him, trying to make out his features in the dark and shook my head.

"Scared, alone, worried." I told him running my hand over my face as I looked over to the woman. She didn't know where her daughter was. I wasn't feeling what she was, I knew where my child was.

Carl was currently sleeping on the bed in the RV with Amy. The two had decided to go into the back bedroom when the sun set. Carl couldn't stifle his yawns anymore and the young blonde made it her task to get him to sleep. She had ended up drifting off with him and I knew Andrea had draped the blanket over the two of them.

"Daryl found her tracks, they went to follow-" his words stopped midsentence and his head snapped towards the forest his eyes wide. I followed his gaze and my heart sped up when I saw Rick and Daryl come out of the woods alone.

We walked over to join them but I could hear Carol conversing with Rick and Daryl. She was asking about the blood on their hands and it had me worrying that one of them had gotten hurt but felt relief wash over me when Daryl assured the woman that it wasn't theirs or Sophia's.

"How could you leave her alone out there?" Carol spoke to him harshly and I felt a need to stand up for my husband but Rick flashed his eyes to me in warning.

"It was the only way I could be sure to save her. I had no choice." He explained to her holding onto the guardrail as he leant towards the woman trying to get her to understand. Carol looked up at him and I could see the sadness in her face. I had no doubt she was blaming Rick for not bring Sophia back.

"I'm sure no one doubts it." Shane muttered and I sent him a glare for opening his mouth. He was just making things worse. His words would just poison Carol in her time of weakness and they would poison her against Rick. She would blame Rick for not finding Sophia even though he had been out there all day and night trying to find the little girl.

"My little girl was abandoned in the forest," Carol whispered leaving us all feeling useless in that moment while Sophia was lost out in the woods like her mom had stated.

* * *

"Dale? The RV needs fixing before we return." Rick explained to the owner of the camper as he rested his hand on his gun. Carl was messing around with Amy. It seemed the young blonde was bonding well with the boy and it seemed to be taking his mind off his lost friend.

I rested my head against Rick's shoulder and smiled to Dale as he nodded his heads at Rick's words. We were going to look for Sophia today, all of us but Dale and T-Dog. The older of the two was going to try and fix the RV while the big teddy bear known as T-Dog had doctor's orders to take it easy. After the bad cut on his arm he didn't need to be stressing out. I had given him some painkillers, to help with any infections but going out to fins Sophia would only make it worse.

"I'm going with you. You will need people to help you look." Carl stated walking over to us, Amy looked over to the boy in shock, and apparently he hadn't told her about his new idea. I pulled my head away from Rick's shoulder and looked down at the boy carefully. I could tell he wanted to do this, tell that he wanted to go find his friend. Rick glanced over to me waiting for my reaction.

"It wasn't my idea," I muttered to my husband before glancing back to our son. He was determined like this. It was set in his face. He had the same look as his dad.

"What harm could come by it?" Dale muttered looking between me and Rick giving a small shrug of the shoulders. "After all, you will all be there to watch over him." Rick sighed at Dale's words and I knew just as much as Rick did that he was right.

"Okay, okay, but you remain in sight at all times." Rick ordered looking down at the boy as a light smile filtered across his lips. "You do as I say, as your mom says." Carl nodded at his dad's words looking excited that his idea had been agreed to.

"Amy did you hear!" Carl exclaimed running back to the blonde, taking her hand in his as he dragged her over to Glenn.

"Was that our son?" I asked when Rick wrapped his arm around my waist and led me over to the others. Glenn had a few backpacks set up on the floor next to him and I could see Kelly had a few by her as well. They both handed them out between the group, each bag containing a few bottles of water and snacks as well as a flashlight and a small medical kit. The medical kit had been Kelly's idea – she told me that when she handed a bag over to me.

"Of course he's our son, just like his mom," Rick teased helping my pull the bag onto my shoulder before dropping a kiss on my temple and walking over to Daryl. The two men chatted for a few seconds before the crossbow wielder climbed the guardrail and Rick waved us over. I could already see a bond growing between Rick and Daryl. I hope it lasts. I hope it works out better this way and pushes Shane out of the picture.

I already trusted Daryl with my life, trusted him more than Shane and I had known him less than three months. What did that say about Shane? And I knew Rick was on his way to trusting Daryl as well. He hadn't even spoken to Shane since that night at the CDC – not a proper conversation anyway. He wouldn't trust himself around him. To be honest Shane needed a good beating and I wouldn't care if it was Rick that gave him one. He deserved it and I know Rick won't be able to contain his anger for long.

"Mom, are you coming?" Carl called stopping as he climbed the guardrail, looking back. Amy was by his side – it seemed she had made herself his guard/babysitter. I nodded my head at my boys question and stumbled after them.

"More like his dad," I grumbled glancing to the woods we were about to enter wishing that Sophia would cross our path. Her mother missed her dearly and the woods was no place for a twelve year old. Not in this world, not now.


	11. Chapter 11

There's a time in life when you have this clear moment that stands out from the rest. It's almost like drowning - the part where you realise struggling will only kill you faster so you stop and take everything in.

I always thought that the time I experienced that feeling would be seconds before my death but I suppose it was just another thing I was wrong about.

After losing Rick I didn't think anything could compare and then the world decided to give him back to me alive. I was forever thankful to whatever it was that gave him back - god, an all seeing force or even fate - I was no doubt in its debt. Now it looks like I was being tested. It was like I was being pushed to a highly emotional limit to see how I would deal with everything. On top of it they threw a zombie apocalypse and the end of the world at me.

I think given the circumstances I dealt quite well.

And then they had to involve Carl.

He was involved whether I liked it or not. He had a part in my life as my son so he would always counter into my next move or action. To think that they would then use him as a pawn of some test to see my reaction was far from the mind.

That was until I dismounted the horse and saw my husband covered in our boy's blood.

* * *

"Mom," it was Carl's voice that woke me from the light sleep I was in. I woke quickly, almost flying off of Rick's lap as my boy looked up at me.

Thanks to Hershel the operation went smoothly. It was Shane we should have been thanking as well, the man had gone out to the school to get what was needed but there was something off with him when he returned. I knew he went out with Otis, but the larger man didn't come back.

I didn't say anything at first but I wasn't blind to see that Shane had come back with Otis' gun. If that was true what was the ma left with to defend himself? I knew Rick noticed as well but he wouldn't say anything until he was sure it was safe to talk.

"Hey baby," I whispered to him resting on the floor by his bed as Rick shuffled on the chair and leant forward. "How you feeling?" I asked him running my hand through his hair, checking his temperature at the same time.

"Sophia?" he asked and I knew he was worried about his friend more than himself. I glanced to Rick unsure of how we could tell him but it seemed my husband had that under control already.

"She's fine," he told the boy running his through his hair like I was. Carl looked at us both, nodding his head at our words but I knew that he knew we still hadn't found the girl. A knock at the door and Hershel walked in, looking to Carl a smile on his face when he saw that the boy was up.

Hershel checked him over, not that he needed to. I already knew that the operation was successful, but I would let the man do it if it made him feel better. Carl was silent as Hershel checked him over but then the boy was used to this procedure, having spent most of his younger years in and out of hospital.

"His condition appears to have stabilized," he muttered to us looking up from Carl and smiling softly before glancing down at the boy. "Seems you're a lucky boy,"

"Thank you so … thank you." Rick said to the elder man looking at him with sincere eyes. There were no words to thank this man and Rick showed that by bringing the man into his arms. It was a quick hug, didn't linger but got across what my husband was trying to say.

"Hershel, I-I thank you," I stumbled out looking down at the boy who was drifting off to sleep. This was taking a lot out of him, the gunshot, the operation, the pain, everything. He had been through so much and it was taking his energy from him.

"I find words are hard to say in times like this. I'm still trying to find them. What do I say to Patricia? How do it tell her about her husband?" he asked looking between us as if hoping we had the answers.

Hershel's words reminded me of Shane then. What he had done to get back here. I knew it wasn't what he told us when he came back, I knew he was lying.

"I'll go with you," Rick told him shrugging his shoulders slightly as he looked at Hershel. "I'll tell her." He assured the old man resting a hand in his shoulder, leading the man out of the room.

I glanced down at Carl knowing he would be asleep for a while and decided that maybe I needed so air. I needed some time to think about everything that happened in the last couple of day, weeks, months. I need time to think about what would happen in the next few day, weeks and months. Maybe even a year.

* * *

Glenn was acting weird, like jumpy weird. I could tell that it had something to do with Maggie, Hershel's eldest daughter but I was still trying to figure it out. I knew it had something to do with last night, but right now Glenn wasn't my problem. Daryl was.

Everything seemed to happen the last couple of days. I mean Carl gets shot and then Daryl gets shot two days later. Talk about a case of the trigger finger. And Kelly.

God that girl couldn't get any more obvious with the way she feels about a certain Dixon man. I found her in his room this morning, stayed the whole night on the chair in his room. Daryl kicked her out, told her to stop kicking up a fuss over him.

"Go away," the man that had the affections of my best friend grunted when I entered the room he had been staying in. I ignored him, something I got used to doing around him after the first three weeks we spent in camp.

"I need to check your stitches," I told him walking over with a small medical kit in my hands. I rolled my eyes at the look he was giving me and tugged the blanket off him. The man put up a fight but stopped struggling when I smacked him lightly and glared. "Stop being a baby,"

"I ain't a baby!" the man snapped turning his gaze away from me as I prodded the stitching on his side. Stupid man pierced his skin with one of his own arrows. Then Andrea gazed him with a bullet because she thought he was a walker. One big accident turned into a nightmare.

When Kelly found out she went mad, smacked Andrea across the face before rushing off to Daryl. Amy wasn't happy either, blamed Andrea as well which resulted in the sisters not speaking again. I felt like some sort of TV show with all the shit going on around here.

"Kelly likes you," I told him trying to get his thoughts off of the pain but also wanting to know what he felt about her. I had seen them together and knew there was something between them. I knew it when Daryl told Kelly the difference between poisonous mushrooms and the ones we can eat. Then there was that time at the CDC when he took the bag off her, they were acting weird around each other and I knew something was going on.

"Ain't nothing going on," he muttered still looking away as he spoke. I smiled at that. I didn't mention anything going on between them, just said she liked him is all.

"Didn't say there was," I said tapping his side and pulling the covers back over him. He'd be pleased to know that he could move back to his tent tonight if it made him feel better.

"Let me be!" he snapped pushing my hands away, pulling the blanket up and covering himself without my help. I raised my hands to show that I was listening and quickly placed a kiss on his head. He grunted at my actions and twisted his head away from me again.

"Hershel and me agreed that you could be moved into your tent tonight if you want." I told him collecting the medical kit up and giving a small sigh. "You need to be careful Daryl. We need you, more than you think." I whispered before leaving the room, resting back against the door.

* * *

"You need to do something," I whispered to him as I watched him change out of his jeans, slipping on a new shirt to sleep in. Rick sent me a look, quickly glancing at Carl and I knew he was checking that the boy was actually asleep.

"I don't like this any more than you," he spat out making sure his tone was low as he replied. "Shane's not himself but I can't do anything about it right now."

"He's out of control!" I snapped at him glancing at Carl when I realised I didn't speak in a low tone. The boy didn't need to be woken to see us arguing. There hadn't been many times when Rick and I argued but Carl had walked in once or twice during an argument. "There was that thing with Ed, then at the CDC, and Otis. What in the hell are you waiting for?" I asked him not sure what was holding him back.

"I need to think this through carefully! What do you want me to do? We want him gone, I got that but how do you want me to get rid of him? He's dangerous. I kick him out he'll only follow us and we both know he holds a grudge." He said dropping down onto the bed, pulling me down with him, pressing his lips to my bare shoulder as he pulled me into his chest. My back rested against him, his face resting between my neck and shoulder. "We both know that if we kick Shane out then he'll come back with a force … he'll unleash his anger on us and we won't want that. I need to think about the entire group, Shane's a problem, but I can't deal with him right now. Sophia …" he trailed off but I understood what he was talking about.

"We need to find Sophia, I understand." I mumbled letting my hand run through his hair as he pulled us down on our makeshift bed so we were lying. His head was still resting between my shoulder and neck, his arms wrapped around me as he held me to him. "I was confused." I admitted turning my head slightly back towards him so he knew I was telling him the truth. In our marriage he tried not to keep anything from me, and I tried to do the same. "I thought you didn't care that Shane stayed with us. I thought you were going to … he attacked me Rick. I don't feel comfortable with him this close. Not to me, not to you, not to Carl or anyone else."

"I won't let him touch you again. I was mistaken to think I could trust him. You're right, he has changed, he's not the same man I knew but he's still …"

"I know he was your best friend Rick but that man isn't the same person you grew up with. He's dangerous and he can't control it, he'll do something that will get us all killed. I know you care for him Rick but we need to put the needs of the many before the needs of a few." I said and after my words I could feel the smile on Rick's face as he pressed his lips into my neck.

"Did you just quote Star Trek"? He asked running his hand over my hip until he was rubbing circles over my stomach, his thumb brushing over my breast lightly making me shiver in pleasure.

"Of course I didn't you idiot," I whined lightly sucking in a breath as his thumb ran over my breast again. Rick laughed softly, pulling me closer to his chest as he pressed his face into my shoulder, his light stubble scratching my skin lightly. It felt amazing and we both knew that I loved it when he had stubble, let's just say it was a great turn on for me. "Self-sacrifice is important in the scheme of things." I mumbled trying to take me mind off of my husband's growing beard.

"Are you trying to distract me or yourself?" he asked laughing at my attempts to forget that he was winding me up. I groaned as his hand slipped down my stomach and rested on the waistband of my yoga pants, his fingers dipping under the elastic every few seconds.

"Trying to stop your attempts at seducing me," I moaned to him pulling forward slightly so the man would let me go. His hand tightened on my hip, pulling me back against his chest as he kissed up my neck before stopping his lips just under me ear.

"And what if I don't want to stop?" he asked slipping his hand over my yoga pants, pulling them down my legs as he turned me in his arms.

* * *

When I said Glenn was acting shifty I didn't think it would turn out to be because of something huge. Like having a bunch of walkers locked in the barn. But apparently that was what the man was hiding, a whole bunch of walkers in the barn – well Hershel was the one hiding them, not Glenn.

"You cannot tell me you're all right with this!" Shane snapped walking back away from the barn door where he had been 'inspecting'. His eyes held the same rage I was getting accustom to seeing when things turned out against his wishes.

"No I'm not, but we're guests here. This isn't our land." Rick told him glaring over at the man that had changed greatly since this whole 'zombie' thing. I could already tell from Shane's face that there was no changing his thoughts now.

"This is our lives!" he shouted gesturing to the whole group as he spoke. He had a point about the walkers in the barn being a danger to us, but if they had been there since we came then I didn't see how they could become a threat to us at this very minute. "Okay, we've either got to go in there, we've got to make things right or we've just got to go." Shane finally said glancing around at the group before settling his eyes on Rick. The tension between the two was soon going to be noticeable between the group. "Now we have been talking about fort Benning for a long time." Shane concluded as if his answer was the best in that moment.

He really was an idiot. Did he believe we were going to leave? Did he think Carol would leave? Or Daryl. If Daryl stayed I knew that Kelly would stay. This place was safe for us all at the moment, why would we leave?

"We can't go," Rick told him firmly resting his hand on his hip where his gun rested. It was a habit really but I couldn't help but shake the feeling that he would use it if it got out of hand.

"Why Rick, why?" Shane asked turning and glancing at my husband, his eyes all steel and danger as he questioned him.

"Because my daughter is still out there." Carol spoke softly but her voiced carried as she stepped forward glancing at the dark-eyed man.

"Okay," Shane muttered turning around on the spot to face the barn before swinging back round to look at the woman. "Okay, I think it's time that we all start to just consider the other possibility." His words were what made me realise that he had changed. Before all this shit happened he would have never given up on a lost child but here he was now stated that we should just abandon her because she was probably dead.

"We're not leaving Sophia behind." Rick snapped at him his hand flexing as he stared up at the man that once was his best friend.

"I'm close to finding this girl." Daryl stated stepping forward as if it would make a difference. I think most of us knew that Shane had gone to a place where there was no turning back from. "I just found her damn doll two days ago."

"You found her doll, Daryl. That's what you did. You found a doll."

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"I'm just saying what needs to be said." Shane told him waving his arms out before resting them on his hips. "You get a good lead, it's in the first 48 hours." His words had a hidden meaning, one I knew Carol understood when she cried out.

"Shane, stop." I shouted at him stepping up and pushing him back slightly. The man never knew when he over stepped boundaries and it seemed that he hadn't changed when it came to that.

"Let me tell you something else, man. If she was alive out there and saw you coming all methed out with your buck knife and geek ears around your neck, she would run in the other direction." Shane spat at Daryl waving his arms around in the air like a mad man.

Daryl started arguing back, pushing himself towards Shane crazy with anger. I couldn't tell what he was saying, Shane was yelling over him at the same time and I could hear the others howling as well. None of it was making sense, one person was saying something about leaving, agreeing with Shane while others were shouting about staying to find Sophia.

Shane stepped towards Daryl then, his hand settled on his gun but I wasn't sure if he was going to use it. Rick stepped in between them before Shane could get any further but the look on his face had me scared. He glanced at Rick, that dangerous, hateful look on his face and I saw that he was calculating something.

"Back off!" I snapped pushing him away before he could do something stupid. His eyes snapped down to me, the same calculating hatred apparent in his eyes.

"Keep your hands off me." He spat pushing me away roughly, I didn't fall like I thought, just fell into Rick's chest, his hands settling on my hips.

"Now just let me talk to Hershel. Let me figure it out." Rick begged him and I knew this was what we were talking about last night. This was Shane being dangerous, and this was Rick dealing with the problem without it looking like he was dealing with the problem. God my husband could be confusing.

"What are you gonna figure out?!" Shane shouted his face red, a vein appearing on his forehead as his anger became evident.

"If we're gonna stay, if we're gonna clear this barn, I have to talk him into it. This is his land." Rick told him, pulling me back until my back was resting against his front. This wasn't how we dealt with things. Shane was going about it the wrong way and it was going to end in us all getting kicked off the farm.

"Hershel sees those things in there as people..."

"Sick people..."

"His wife, his stepson."

"You knew?"

"Yesterday I talked to Hershel."

"And you waited the night?"

"I thought we could survive one more night. We did."

"I was waiting till this morning to say something."

"But Glenn wanted to be the one."

"The man is crazy, Rick, if Hershel thinks those things are alive or no."

Half the sentences were flying over my head. I wasn't sure who spoke what or who was backing who up all I knew was the Shane wanted to kill the walkers in the barn, he wanted to leave and go to Fort Benning. He was putting his own wants before the needs of the group. He was being selfish.

It was decided that Rick would talk to Hershel about the walkers. Of course Shane didn't like it but he didn't argue with him. The one thing he did do when we all left was stay by the barn, his gun out and ready.

I just hope Rick dealt with this before tonight.

* * *

"Does Shane think Sophia's dead?" Carl asked as we sat outside the tents, me folding some laundry, him meant to be working on some maths work I set him. Even after we left the camp I wanted him to work on school, even without Sophia here.

"Shane's just scared." I muttered not really wanting to tell him that the man had gone a bit loopy the last couple of weeks. The boy had stopped working, I could tell that much even if I wasn't looking at him.

"Of the walkers in the barn?" he inquired tapping his pencil on the table as he waited me answer. Of all the things the boy had to speak about and it was Shane.

"Yeah, baby." I mumbled trying to hurry this conversation along so it would end. I loved talking to my son, don't get me wrong but talking about Shane with the boy was something I didn't want to do.

"Mom, I'm not leaving until we find Sophia." he stated and I looked up from folding clothes to look at my son. I could see the look of determination in his eyes and knew he wouldn't leave. He was so much like his dad. "And I don't want to go even after that." He added as if he knew we would be leaving soon. Hershel had said it to Rick. Once we found Sophia the Veteran wanted us to leave.

"Well, I'm not sure if we can stay Carl," I admitted to the boy not wanting him to get his hopes up. He gave me a half smile, like he knew that would be the answer anyway. "Your dad's trying to talk to Hershel. We both know how determined he can get."

"I just think she ..." He stopped there and I didn't know if he was thinking of something to say or if he couldn't say anything. "She's gonna like it here. This place, it could be a home." He finally said looking sad as he spoke.

I understood what he was saying, it was nice to have some place that was safe. He felt safe here, it wasn't that safe, safer than most places but it wouldn't last. Things never lasted in the old world, they wouldn't last in this new one either.

* * *

"I thought he was dead." The man's voice muttered from behind me making me drop the bucket on the floor, water spilling everywhere. Shane had sneaked up on me while I was fetching some water from the well behind the house. Hershel had given us use after the well incident and now we had a new well, not infected by walkers.

"Shane, I don't..." I mumbled stepping back until my lower back was pressing against the well. I didn't like being this close to him. Or alone. I snatched the bucket up holding it close so there was something between us.

"Then when he came back, right then, right there, you see I wished he was." He carried on as if I hadn't spoken. His words weren't making any sense. He seemed a bit crazed at the moment, his eyes dashing around the surrounding area quickly. "Not... not because you wouldn't be mine, but because I knew that sooner or later he would be dead." He jittered on turning his eyes into me. His hands were shaking and the look in his eyes was a bit bleary like he had been crying. "See Rick, he ain't built for this world, not for what it is now."

"You're wrong." I told him clutching the bucket close to my chest as he looked down at me. "Shane, you're wrong." I pressed hoping he would understand my words.

"How many times has he saved your life Faylin?" he asked suddenly stepping closer, the bucket pressing into my stomach with a slight tinge. His eyes flashed sideways and then lowered to the floor before locking onto mine again. "I just... I want to know how many times. Because by my count, I've saved your life on four different occasions." He mumbled lifting up his hand indicating to his fingers. It seemed childish to do but in this moment I had a feeling that maybe he was acting a bit childish. Why was he confronting me right now? After what happened at the CDC? Why was he even coming near me? "And that's Carl's too." He muttered lifting his other hand, holding up his other fingers. God sake this man was infuriating. "So I just want to ask you, how many times has Rick saved your life?" his eyes wandered off to the right, flashing back to me every few seconds as if he was waiting.

"That night at the camp." I told him trying to slide around the well so I could step away from him. "That night at the camp after the fish fry."

"No no no. See, no. That was me too." He mumbled running his hand over his bald head. It seemed he had forgotten he no longer had hair, his nervous habit kicking in. "You see, Rick, he showed up late because he went on a suicide mission over nothing. Yeah, he joined in, but see, we wouldn't have been in that situation if he hadn't left because he felt that he needed to leave to save a drug dealer." I didn't like where this conversation was going but it seemed Shane was on some type of mission to say these things to me "And so we lost Lori and we lost Jim." His voice cracked for a moment and I knew then that this had something to do with Lori. "We lost... Rick told me." His tone of voice changed at the end. He seemed to be thinking about something else.

"Told you what?" I asked feeling utterly confused as this conversation went on. What was he talking about now?

"And I know the reason why you didn't is because you know it's mine." He concluded snatching the bucket from my hands, resting one hand on my stomach. His hand was warm but the invasion had me feeling cold to the touch. What in the hell was this man doing?

"What?" I snapped grabbing hold of his arms, trying to pull them off. Did he think I was pregnant? With his child?

"I know the baby's mine!" he shouted gripping my shoulder with his spare hand as his other hand rubbed my stomach gently. This was proof, the man had seriously gone insane.

"There is no baby Shane!" I hissed at him pushing him away satisfied when he stumbled back, his hands dropping to his sides.

"That baby is mine Lori!" he seethed pointing his finger at me with a mean look on his face.

He thought I was Lori. It didn't make sense. Just a second ago he said she was dead and now he thought I was her. This man was crazy. He was slowly losing his mind. He was mixing the past with the present. He was mixing his memories.

"I'm not Lori. Shane have you hit your head recently?" I asked him wanting to know if this might have anything to do with a head injury. It was more common than people thought, a concussion of sorts, mixing up past events with the present ones.

"The baby's mine, tell me it's mine." He begged his eyes blurry again as they connected with mine. His words had me thinking back to the night Lori died. She had been rubbing her stomach when she left the RV. At first I thought it was because she had been sick but then it all clicked together. Lori and Shane had sex the first night at camp and it was obvious they had been together a lot more almost every day. She was pregnant. She must have been pregnant. Had Shane known that or had he just figured it out?

"Was Lori pregnant Shane?" I asked him using a soft voice, a tone I used on Carl when the boy was ill. His eye dropped to the floor, nodding his head before glancing over to the barn. I could really see his eyes form here but I knew they were misty. Then he glanced over to me and I saw the determination.

He opened his mouth to say something and I was waiting for it. Waiting for his explanation as to why he had mistaken me with Lori but it never came.

* * *

The first gunshot that ran through the air startled me awake. I groaned as I clambered from the floor, one hand on my head and I felt the blood that had started to dry on the side of my face. Another gunshot and I was stumbling to my feet.

What in the hell was going on? More gunshots were going off and I was starting to panic. Where was Carl? Rick? Kelly? Amy? I glanced to where I had heard the gunshots, my eyes resting on the barn where the group had gathered. Hershel was crouched on the floor with a body. Was that someone from the group? Rick was standing next to him a … was that a walker?

I was running before I could think about it. I needed to get down there. I needed to be with Carl. I could see him in Amy's arms. Rick was shouting something to Shane, turning to Hershel and then shouting to him. I should have been down there, I should have stopped this.

I reached the group just as Shane threw open the barn doors, banging on them before stepping back and resting slightly before the group. I could see that most of them had guns, Glenn, Daryl, T-Dog and Andrea. I stopped by Amy's side, my hand coming to rest on her arm. I saw her jump but she sighed in relief when she saw it was me.

"Come on. Come on, we're out here." Shane called out trying to tempt the things out with his voice.

It happened all at once. The walkers in the barn climbed out stumbling over the walkers that had been killed, not caring but only wanting to taste our flesh. I could hear Carl's cries over to gunshots and pulled him into my arms. I should have held him as soon as I arrived but I was so stunned. Beth and Maggie were crying, I could hear Beth over the groaning of the dead and the ringing of shots being fired.

"Stop! Shane stop! Stop!" Rick's voice was distinguishable over the noise. He didn't want this. He didn't want any of this. "Stop!" he cried out and at first it seemed like everyone had listened but once I raised my head from Carl's hair I saw that there were no more walkers to kill.

It was quite, the guns dying out on the wind but nothing could be heard other than the soft cries of Beth, Maggie and Carl. This shouldn't have happened. We were safe with them locked in the barn. We were safe here. And then Shane had to go ruin it all.

"No, no, no, no," Carol was mumbling, crying out as shuffling and a hand grabbed hold of the door. I didn't know who it was until they stepped into the light but it had seemed like Carol had known. She had known as soon as she saw the hand. I suppose a mother would know her own child. "Sophia? Sophia! Oh no. Sophia. Sophia. No." she cried out running towards the girl only to be stopped by Daryl. Kelly dropped to her side, holding the woman tightly as she looked over to her daughter.

Only it wasn't Sophia. Not like we all knew her. She was one of them.

"Sophia!" Carol cried out clutching onto Kelly's arm, trying to reach her daughter. I glanced over to Shane watching him stand there looking at the girl in disbelief. He started all this yet he couldn't even finish it.

I turned back to look at Sophia, my heart breaking at the sight of her. She should have been here with Carl, doing chores, getting on with math work and living. She shouldn't have been turned into one of those things. She should have been breathing, she should have been laughing. She should have been alive.

Rick stepped into my line of view then, blocking the blonde girl from sight. His hand shock slightly before he raised it, pointing it at what was once a sweet girl. Carol's crying grew deeper when she knew what was about to come.

"Don't watch." I heard Daryl muttered to the grieving mother, pulling her away from the sight of her daughter as the trigger went off and one deafening shot echoed through the air.

Rick's arm dropped, his shoulders slumping and his head falling against his chest. He had just taken one of the group. She may have been a walker but Sophia was still one of the group. And she was a child. I knew this would end in a nightmare for Rick. He wouldn't be able to deal with this.


	12. Chapter 12

"What's wrong with her? Is she okay?" Maggie asked as I looked down to the blonde girl in the bed. I would guess its shock and stress that had Beth fainting. Her heartbeat was normal, and her vitals seemed okay at this point so I could only draw it down to shock.

After everything that's happened I could blame the girl. She just watched her mom die. Shane let out all the walkers and everything turned to chaos. Hershel's disappeared, no one was able to find him and now Rick wanted to go find him.

"She'll be fine Maggie," I told the dark-haired girl as she paced in her sisters room. "She's just in shock. Give her a few hours and she'll calm down."

"Can't you do anything for her?" the elder sister asked begging me with her eyes. There wasn't much I could do for someone in shock. If Maggie couldn't get through to her than the next option would be her father.

"I could give her something to sleep but it wouldn't do anything really. She'd just wake up groggy, don't want to explain that to her after what's happened." I muttered to her packing away the small medical kit Kelly had handed me when we found out about Beth. "Just let her rest. If she doesn't get better by tonight I'll give her something, I promise."

She didn't answer me, just nodded her head and turned to Glenn as he rested his hand on her shoulder. If they were a couple it wasn't really confirmed but I didn't care. Glenn seemed happy with the girl and if she liked him as well then who was I to complain?

Rick was waiting in the kitchen, Carol, Amy, Kelly and Patricia working silently around the man as he stared at Hershel's old flask. I knew what he was thinking – well I thought I did. Maggie had told him that Hershel used to be a drinker until she was born, he must have picked up his old habits after everything Shane did.

"You need to find Hershel," I stated Rick rubbing his shoulders lightly as I came up behind him. Hershel needed to be here, Beth needed him not medically but emotionally. He could calm her and might snap her out of the shock long enough to make her understand that not everything in this world was shit.

"I know," he grumbled leaning his head back slightly until it was resting on my breasts. I pressed a kiss to his head before slipping my arms around him from behind and hugging him.

"I'll help you look for him," Glenn's voice drifted into the room and Maggie gave a half smile as the man offered to find her father. It must have meant something to her that the man she was with was willing to venture out into the town to find her dad. At least she didn't have to worry about Hershel being by himself but then she had to worry about both her dad and boyfriend.

"He'll be at the bar in town." Rick muttered resting his hand on my arms and giving me a soft squeeze. I pulled away from him, allowing the man to stand and look over to Glenn. "We should leave now, I don't want to be out there at night."

Glenn nodded at his words at the two off them left the kitchen to get ready to leave on their little retrieval mission. It shouldn't take them the entire evening to get Hershel but they probably needed to convince the man to come back. After everything Shane had done this afternoon Hershel was furious with the man.

I followed Rick out of the kitchen and to our tent where he would be getting ready to leave. I didn't want him going out there, not again but I couldn't let Hershel stay out there on his own. The man was grieving, he couldn't be on his own during this time. He wouldn't be able to fend for his life if it was put in the path of danger.

"Can you be careful?" I asked my husband standing by the entrance of the tent as I watched him change his shirt. He turned his head and looked at me. I knew what he was saying – he couldn't promise me that and we both knew it. Rick frowned and walked over to me, his hand cupping my face, his fingers trailing over the cut and bruise I had on my hairline where Shane had hit me with the bucket.

"How's your head?" he asked and I could hear the anger in his voice. He flipped when I told him Shane had smacked me with the bucket. He wanted to go charging after him but after everything that happened with the barn I told him it wasn't worth it. We needed to clear everything up and have the funerals – Shane wasn't important.

"It's fine," I told him smiling a little as he pressed his lips to the forming bruise and sighed. "I knew you can't promise anything but please try and come back." He nodded his head, slipping his hands around my waist bringing me into a hug. I fell into his warmth not knowing if this would be the last time I was held by my husband. I hope I wasn't – I couldn't lose him after getting him back.

* * *

About half an hour after Rick and Glenn left T-Dog and Andrea drove the truck full of dead walkers over to the far side of the farm where they and Shane built a large fire. It was our custom for us to burn the walkers just to be on the safe side.

Maggie had spent the time inside with Beth and now that Carol knew that the girl was safe she had wandered off, tears spilling down her face. Losing Sophia was hitting her really hard but I couldn't blame her, losing a child would do that no matter if you were their mother or father. A child's death would and could affect anyone. I wouldn't know how I would feel if I lost Carl, in my eyes Carol was strong at the moment.

"Hershel said he wants us of the farm, well Rick said he wanted Shane off the farm. He would never forgive that man for what he's done." I told Kelly as she dropped down onto the porch steps to sit with me. Her hand was resting on my knee, giving it a quick squeeze before she lifted it to her face and rested her chin on the same hand. Her eyes drifted over to where Daryl had set up his camp. It was away from everyone else and I knew she didn't like that.

"Did you really find that surprising?" She mumbled her eyes staying on Daryl when she spoke. God she must have liked that man a great deal if she was ignoring me. Well she wasn't ignoring me but I knew she wished she was over there with him instead of sat here with me. "We were lucky the bastard didn't kill anyone."

"He's insane. Rick doesn't trust him, I don't think anyone does not after today. I know Andrea likes him and she agrees with him but ever since she wanted her and Amy to die at the CDC I think she's been a bit distant." I sighed running my hand through my hair as I watched Daryl like Kelly was. "He didn't think about anyone but himself with his actions today. The guns could have drawn more walkers to us. This was – is a safe place and for all we know he could have destroyed it for us."

"He wants to be in control, he won't get it and it's driving him insane."

"He is insane Kelly. I've said it before and it's been for a while now, it isn't a new thing." I told her rising from the step and looking down at her. "I'm gonna go do some laundry, there's too much of it lying around." Kelly gave me a soft smile as Andrea, T-Dog and Shane drove the truck back up to the front of the house. I glanced over to the man before turning away and rushing off to the makeshift camp of tents.

* * *

Carl was sat on one of the chairs staring out over at the barn a sad look on his face. I couldn't comfort him, he had known Sophia better than me and I didn't want to upset him if I said the wrong thing.

"Carl, honey are you okay?" I asked the boy as I folded the wet clothes carefully into a pile on another chair. My jeans were getting muddy but I found it more comfortable to sit in the floor than to stand or perch on one of the logs. I was getting cramps so I knew my period was coming – really sucked to be a woman with the end of the world.

"I would have done the same thing," he muttered making me frown at his words. What was he talking about?

"What?"

"With Sophia," he told me not looking away from the barn as he spoke. "I would have shot her as well." His words broke my heart. He should never have to make that choice. He should never have to think about making that choice. He should never be expected to make that choice. He was a twelve year old boy, too young to be deciding if he should shot a gun.

I shuffled to my knees and crawled over to the boy settling in front of him, taking his face in my hands until his brown eyes locked with my green ones. I could see the shine to them, an obvious sign that he was upset about everything and knew he was only saying it because he was scared and he missed Sophia.

"No baby, no," I cried out to him running my fingers over his cheeks as I spoke. "You wouldn't have done the same thing. Sophia was your friend, you loved her, you cared for her and you shouldn't think like that. You shouldn't be expected to kill people you love and it's okay to be upset when we lose them. Sure it hurts, it always hurts to lose someone but you should be thankful to the living. We should never kill the ones we love, we should be happy to still have loved ones in our lives." I could see his eyes tearing up at my words and knew that he hadn't let out the grief he felt over Sophia dying. He had cried when she walked out of the barn and when Rick shot her but he hadn't let it all out. "We need to be here for Carol, she lost Sophia, and she lost the last thing in this world that was keeping her going. We don't kill for the sake of it, he protect our family and we try and stay alive. Carol needs us now. You should know that if it was you that shot Sophia she would never be able to look at you. With your dad it's different. He did it because he had to, he had no choice. But you do Carl, you have a choice to protect your family, you don't kill because you feel the need to. You kill because you have to." I whispered to him looking into his eyes trying to get him to understand my words. I didn't want him turning into a miniature Shane.

This torment and revenge would turn him crazed with this hunger that would eat at him for the rest of his life. It would eat at him until he was full of anger. The same anger that consumed Shane and I would do anything to stop my boy form turning into that man.

Carl was in my arms then, his head pressed into my shoulder as he shook with sobs. He needed to let it out, he needed to remember Sophia for who she was not for what she became. I held him tightly to me, my fingers running through his hair as I whispered in his ear. He needed to be held, he needed to see that we could still live in this world because we had each other. He needed to learn that he could get passed this without building a wall and becoming cold.

* * *

The car stuttered to a stop, rolling the last few steps before stopping at the border of town. Right in front of the welcome sign. Of course it would be my luck to get the car that lacked enough fuel to get me back to the farm.

"I knew this would happen," I grunted pulling the gun off the passenger chair, holding it firmly in my hand as I climbed out of the car. I looked around the area, deciding that it was best if I hide my weapon not wanting it to accidentally going off and drawing attention to myself. I tucked it into the back of my jeans, pulling the flannel shirt over the back so it would be concealed. Rick had taught me a few ways of concealing a weapon. I knew I shouldn't have done it in case I stumbled across a walker but I would rather take my chances instead of accidentally shooting one lone walker and drawing more to me.

I shouldn't have come out here but I needed Hershel. Beth was getting worse and I knew it was because she was worried about her dad on top of everything else. I knew what she was going through, when my dad died I filled with such grief I didn't want to be around anymore. I wanted to leave medical school and forget about life but Nana snapped me out of it. She told me there was something worth living for. She told me daddy wouldn't want me to waste my life away just because he had gone.

I grabbed the flashlight before closing the door and walking the distance into the town. It wasn't dark yet but I just wanted to be careful, better to be safe than sorry. I wish Daryl would have come with me. I had asked the man to come along, I don't know why really I knew what he was going to say. He'd say no and I'd end up coming alone anyway.

I just wish no one would realise I'm gone until it was too late. I knew what Shane would be like and hopefully he would advise the rest of the group that it wasn't safe to leave now that it was dark.

I glanced around the town, it wasn't as small as Glenn described it. He had told me the first time he came here that it was a small town but it was bigger than I had originally pictured. I sighed in annoyance as I looked around for the bar. What was the bar called again? Actually it shouldn't matter if it was the only bar in town.

I stopped outside a small grocery store, glancing into the window wondering if there was anything inside that I could take. I shook my head as the thought ran through my mind and walked up the path hoping the bar was somewhere near here.

"Well, well, well, lookie what we got here Tony," a man called out stepping into my view, leaning back against the wall as he looked me over. I glanced over to him, his dark eyes taking me in as I locked my eyes on the weapon he held. I felt someone walk behind me and knew he was a large man.

"Nice piece of ass Dave," he whistled out smacking his hand against said ass. I spun around to face the man, my hand coming into contact with his face. It was a reaction, no man was going to touch me like that except my husband.

The guy was big like I thought. Tony touched his face, his lip leaving a speck of blood and I could see the anger flash across his face. His fist connected with my face, his knuckles brushing against my chin, splitting my lip. My jaw smashed together and I dropped to the floor with the force of his hit. I curled up on the floor, my head resting against my arm as I cried through the pain. It was a silent pain, no tears slipping form my eyes but deep breaths of dry sobs.

A sharp pain went through my ribs and I cried out with a hiss. Obviously Tony had a guy complex and couldn't just let a girl get away with hitting him. I knew that my rib would be brushed and possible cracked. Stupid bastard.

"Tony stop!" Dave shouted stepping forward, I could feel him step over my body as he talked to his friend. Why would he stop this man from hurting me? And then it dawned on me. It was the end of the world and they were probably lonely. "We'll take her back with us. Maybe she's with a group." He supplied reaching out and pulling me up from the arm. I hissed out in pain as my ribs stretched but pulled out of the man's grip, clutching onto my ribs as I looked at them both.

Dave turned to me then, his eyes running over my body like before. It made me feel sick, like I was going to be sick on the spot sick. I coughed violently and knew it was just from the kick to the ribs. Must have winded me when he sent that blow to my ribs and now I was standing it affected me. I held one hand over my mouth while the other held onto my painful ribs and looked to the two men.

"I have people expecting me, they'll come look for me if I don't go to them." I told them hoping it would scare them off. I shouldn't have done it but I had caught a glimpse of Hershel's car when the two men faced me. It was one shot I wouldn't mind taking. I needed to get to Rick.

"Where are they?" Dave asked stepping closer to me. I didn't answer him get nodded my head towards the direction I knew they were in and watched both men turned around. "Looks like we'll be heading for a few drinks." He called out grabbing my arm and draggin me towards the bar. His fingers dug into my skin and I knew I would be left with bruises.

We were outside the door in no time and I watched as Dave hesitated as his hand rested against the door before he pushed open the door and stepped inside. He dragged me into the bar behind him and my eyes settled on Rick as he stood on the opposite side of the bar. Hershel was sat down beside him and I knew that they must have been speaking before we entered.

"Son of a bitch," Dave muttered tugging me into view and I watched as Rick grew alarmed at my presence. I knew he must have been thinking that they had taken over the farm. I sent him a shake of my head begging him with my eyes to be calm about this. "They're alive."

Dave walked further into the bar his hand strong on my arm and I knew that Rick would be clenching his jaw and flexing his hands at this point. These men had become a threat to him. As soon as they walked through that door with me they had pissed Rick off.

We walked over to one of the tables and I was pushed roughly into the chair, Dave's hand still gripping my upper arm as he stood behind me and the chair looking at Rick. Tony walked over to the bar, dropping down onto the bar stool, keeping his eyes on Glenn and Hershel as he walked over.

"I'm Dave," he introduced himself looking to Rick before nodding his head over to Tony. "That scrawny looking douchebag is Tony," his arm squeezed against my arms then and he pulled my roughly from my chair. His spare hand ran over my side lightly, his hand brushing against the hand I had resting on my hips before he rested his hand on my hip. "I think this one belongs to you." He muttered pushing me forward slapping my backside as I went stumbling towards Rick.

My husband caught me, our eyes connecting as his hands brushed over my side, one resting over the hip where Dave's hand was seconds before. I sighed at his touch and leaned into him before he wrapped his arm over my waist, tugging me into him.

"We met on I-95 coming out of Philly." Dave said and I knew that he was the dominate one out of the pair but I had known that when he stopped Tony from beating me anymore. "Damn shit-show that was." He grumbled dropping down into the chair I had been sat in moments ago. I pressed my face into Rick's chest before turning slightly to the side so I could keep both guys in my view.

"I'm Glenn." The man told them smiling over to Dave. I guess Glenn didn't get the memo that these men weren't nice people. "It's nice to meet some new people." At the man's words Rick moved us so we were close to Glenn.

"Rick Grimes." Rick stated his hand skirting over my hip and I caught the look Dave was giving us. He must have thought I was lying about having people here. I knew he was trying to figure out if this thing between me and Rick was fake. "This is my wife, Faylin." He added and I knew it was meant as a warning. Dave must have understood that as well.

Rick let go of me then and walked over to Tony handing him a glass of clear liquid I knew to be alcohol. Dave watched his moves and I was curious about the way the man was watching us all.

"How about you, pal? Have one?" Dave asked Hershel looking over to the old man. I glanced over to him and knew that he was already quite drunk. The man didn't need anything else to drink.

"I just quit." He muttered glancing to Dave before watching Rick as the man joined my side again.

"You've got a unique sense of timing, my friend." Dave chuckled bringing his drink to his lips before turning his eyes to me. "And what about you?" he asked looking me over again, lifting up his glass.

"I don't drink," I muttered rubbing my hand over my sore ribs. They stung when I moved and spoke so I shouldn't move or speak for future reference.

"You knocked-up?" he asked looking curious as he spoke his words. I almost choked on the air at his words and I saw Rick tense as well. What was it with everyone thinking I was pregnant?

"She doesn't drink," Rick told him leaning back against the bar next to me before looking over to Hershel. "His names Hershel. He lots people today, a lot of them."

"I'm truly sorry to hear that. To better days and new friends. And to our dead... may they be in a better place." Dave said lifting his drink up at his words. All four men that were drinking lifted their glasses at the same time and downed their drinks in a few quick gulps. Dave finished his drink and placed the glass on the table but the way he did it drew attention to the gun he had on him. I knew Rick's eyes settled on it and so did Dave. The man pulled the gun out of his waistband and showed it to Rick. "Not bad, huh?" he turned the gun around in his hands before looking up to Rick again. "I got it off a cop."

"I'm a cop." Rick stated simple, his hand grazing against my back as his arm rested on the counter. I knew he felt the gun against my back and suddenly thought how foolish Dave and Tony had been. They didn't bother checking me for weapons when they came across me. Did they really think I would wander around here alone?

"This one was already dead." Dave told him giving him a funny look before placing the gun on the table.

"You fellas are a long way from Philadelphia." Rick muttered lifting his glass to his lips again as he looked between the two men.

"It feels like we're a long way from anywhere." Dave said wistfully looking around the bar.

"Well, what drove you South?" Rick asked and I knew that this was him interrogating these men. He had been on edge since they entered and he would be until he got what he wanted out of them.

"Well, I can tell you it wasn't the weather. I must've dropped 30 lbs. In sweat alone down here." Dave grunted shifting in his seat as he replied.

"I wish." Tony whined and I knew the man was talking about his weight. I didn't know how the man could still be that large with the world gone to shit.

"No, first it was D.C. I heard there might be some kind of refugee camp, but the roads were so jammed, we never even got close. We decided to get off the highways, into the sticks, keep hauling ass. Every group we came across had a new rumour about a way out of this thing." Dave explained keeping still in his seat as he spoke. It seemed he was trying to make us feel sympathetic for him.

"One guy told us there was the coast guard sitting in the Gulf, sending ferries to the islands." Tony added looking to Rick.

"The latest was a rail yard in Montgomery running trains to the middle of the country... Kansas, Nebraska." Dave told us nodding his head at his words.

"Nebraska?" Glenn asked sounding excited. I glanced around the room feeling like this conversation was going to go on for a while. I would see that the sun was ready to make its decent. The shadows in the bar had moved slightly since we entered and I hoped we wouldn't be here when night came.

"Low population, lots of guns." Tony told the young man.

"Kinda makes sense." Glenn mumbled leaning on the counter of the bar.

"Ever been to Nebraska, kid? A reason they call 'em flyover states." Tony and Dave shared a laugh but when they realised no one was laughing with them, Dave stopped and looked carefully at Rick. "How about you guys?" He inquired.

"Fort Benning, eventually." Rick admitted his hand resting just above the gun on my back

"I hate to piss in your cornflakes, officer, but... We ran across a grunt who was stationed at Benning. He said the place was overrun by lamebrains." Dave told us and I felt my heart flutter at the news.

"Wait, fort Benning is gone? Are you for real?" Glenn asked and I could hear the disappointment in his voice. He was looking forward to another safe place to go. Shane had been set on it as well and I couldn't help but feel slightly smug that his idea would have resulted in our possible deaths.

"Sadly, I am. Oddly, the truth is there is no way out of this mess. Just keep going from one pipe dream to the next, praying one of these mindless freaks doesn't grab a hold of you when you sleep." The dark-haired skinny man muttered his head dropping as he spoke.

"If you sleep." Tony added after Dave's words.

"Yeah, it doesn't look like you guys are hanging your hats here. You holed up somewhere else?" Dave asked his head picking up as he looked around at the place. I knew then what he was doing. They wanted to find out if we were staying here and if not they wanted to know where.

"Not really." Rick muttered after a long pause. It seemed my husband had it figured out as well. It didn't take him long to catch on but he had been cautious since they entered.

"Those your cars out front?" Dave asked and I was getting annoyed with the man's voice.

"Yeah. Why?" Glenn muttered sounding unsure as the conversation advanced.

"We're living in ours. Those look kinda empty, clean. Where's all your gear?" Dave said looking over to the door as he spoke before looking over at the four of us curiously.

"We're with a larger group out scouting, thought we could use a drink." Hershel told him speaking for the first time for a while. I think he understood what might be coming up in conversation soon.

"A drink? Hershel, me I thought you quit. Well, we're thinking of setting up around here. - Is it... is it safe?" Dave inquired and I didn't like the way he was asking about the area. If he had a group would they find us? I remember what they said about taking me back to their group early and a shiver ran through me at the thought.

"It can be, although I have killed a couple of walkers around here." Glenn mumbled shaking his head at the near death he experienced with Maggie the other day during a run.

"Walkers? That what you call them?" Dave questioned nodding his head as he said the word.

"Yeah." Glenn supplied resting his arms on the counter as he looked to Dave.

"That's good. I like that. I like that better than lamebrains. More succinct. - Okay, Tony went to college. – two years." Dave was so random when he spoke then. Why did he need to tell us that Tony had been to college for two years? Silence seemed ot follow his words and I was happy to see that the three men with me didn't understand what he was talking about wither. Dave looked at us his eyes settling on Rick as he spoke. I think he recognised Rick as the leader among us. "So what... so what, you guys set up on the outskirts or something? That new development?" he inquired and I didn't like the direction this was going in.

"Trailer park or something? A farm?" Tony asked walking over to the side his gun hanging around his stomach as he faced the wall away from us.

"Old McDonald had a farm" Dave sung and he took in the emotionless faces we presented him with. "You got a farm?" he asked and I could hear the longing and hope in his voice. No one answered so he nodded his head assuming it was true.

Tony's zipper slide down and I shot my head over to him as the noise of something liquid hitting the floor reached my ears. Was he pissing? He was mumbling under breath, a song or something but I wasn't sure. I didn't care. He disgusting could you get?

"Is it safe?" Dave asked ignoring his friend as he 'marked his territory'.

"It's gotta be." Tony sighed out and I felt sick at the thought of the man weeing so close to me.

"You got food, water?" Dave went on as if we had actually answered him.

"You got cooze? Ain't had a piece of ass in weeks." Tony muttered and I wanted to throw up then. This man was talking about it as if it was something he should have been getting. Rick shifted next to me, sliding his hand away from my back leaving the gun. He moved over to the bar next to Hershel, taking the seat on the bar stool, looking at Dave with a stone face.

"Listen, pardon my friend. City kids... they got no tact. No disrespect. So listen, Glenn..." Dave spoke on behalf of Tony but I knew his word had no meaning. Rick straightened up at the mention of Glenn's name not liking the way Dave looked at the young man.

"We've said enough." Rick commanded his tone fierce and like steel. He meant what he said. We wouldn't be saying anything that would give away the farm.

"Well, hang on a second. This farm... it sounds pretty sweet. - Don't it sound sweet, Tony?" Dave asked the other man as if looking for back up.

"Yeah, real sweet." Tony mumbled and I knew he was taking the piss.

"How about a little Southern hospitality? We got some buddies back at camp, been having a real hard time. I don't see why you can't make room for a few more. We can pool our resources, our manpower." Dave supplied trying to give us a false hope that would let him into the group. Did he really think we were stupid?

"Look, I'm sorry. That's not an option." Rick said and it was obvious to hear that his words were meant to be final.

"Doesn't sound like it'd be a problem." Dave went on and I just wished the man would shut up. It seem he loved the sound of his voice.

"I'm sorry. We can't." Hershel stated trying to sound sorry for it when I knew he wasn't.

"We can't take in anymore." Rick didn't say it with any sympathy but just as it was. Even if we were taking in anymore did they think it would be them?

"You guys are something else. I thought... I thought we were friends. We got people we gotta look out for too." Dave was trying to make us fall for this trick but he didn't know Rick. My husband wasn't stupid, he knew how these sort of things went.

"We don't know anything about you." Rick stated and I knew he wouldn't back down. No one would be getting to the farm if Rick had it his way.

"No, that's true. You don't know anything about us. You don't know what we've had to go through out there, the things we've had to do. I bet you've had to do some of those same things yourself. Am I right? Cause ain't nobody's hands clean in what's left of this world. We're all the same. So come on, let's... let's take a nice friendly hayride to this farm and we'll get to know each other." I don't think Dave's words were making much of a difference and I think he knew it as well.

"That's not gonna happen." Rick told him, speaking to the man like he would speak to a child. There was no questioning to Rick's tone, he meant business.

"Rick..." Dave started only to be cut off by an angry Tony

"This is bullshit."

"Calm down." Rick demanded to the larger man, turning his head to face him.

"Don't tell me to calm down. Don't ever tell me to calm down. I'll shoot you three assholes in the head and take your damn farm! And your girl!" Tony spat and Rick stood from his chair at the man's words. I could hear Glenn suck in a breath at the words and I felt Hershel shift closer to me.

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Relax. Take it easy. Nobody's killing anybody. Nobody's shooting anybody. Right, Rick?" Dave said jumping over the bar before looking to Tony. "Look. We're just friends having a drink. That's all." He looked around the bar at the bottles, his hands skimming over them, his eyes glancing up every now and then. "Now where's the good stuff, huh? Good stuff, good stuff, good stuff." He continued his search going between looking at the bottles and looking at us. "Let's see. Hey, look at that. That'll work." He muttered picking up a bottle and pouring himself a glass. "You gotta understand... we can't stay out there. You know what it's like." Dave finally looked up to Rick waiting for the man's answer.

"Yeah, I do. But the farm is too crowded as is. I'm sorry. You'll have to keep looking." Rick told him standing his ground as he spoke. He wouldn't give up the farm.

"Keep looking. Where do you suggest we do that?" Dave asked and I knew he was angry from the tone he used.

"I don't know. I hear Nebraska's nice." Rick muttered and I almost laughed at his words. I saw something flash in Dave's eyes then and stepped back into the gap that lead behind the counter. I didn't know what was going to happen.

"Nebraska. This guy." Dave reached for his gun then but before his fingers could even touch the metal he already had a bullet in his head. Rick had managed to swipe his gun from the holder quicker than the other man and for that I was so thankful he had been a cop before all this. He spun around seconds after shooting Dave and pulled the trigger twice hitting him in the chest and then quickly walked to him and placed a bullet in his head.

Glenn and Hershel were both standing by now, Glenn clutching his close to his cheat and I knew that they had not expected that. Rick turned away and I walked to him, catching his face in my hands letting him know that I didn't care what he had just done. He was protecting us, he needed to do that if it was keeping us safe.

Rick pulled away from me and walked back over to Tony looking down at the fat guy as he lay dead on the floor near his own wee. Hershel walked up next to him and I knew that the man wasn't judging him. He knew why he did it.

I hadn't realised how dark it had got until that moment when Rick stepped away from me. It had grown darker in the bar and I was afraid that he had been here too long. We needed to leave before anything else happened. If there were walkers near, they would have heard the gunshots.

"Holy shit," Glenn whispered looking between the two dead bodies as he joined Rick's side. We had gotten ourselves into some shit. Now we just needed to get out of it.

I knew that this was going to turn into a disaster when I left the farm. I should have stayed there but then maybe this still would have happened if I wasn't here. All we needed to do know was get back to the farm. Get back to Carl. Get back to Beth.


	13. Chapter 13

"Holy shit," I looked over to the Korean man looking at him carefully as he glanced down at the body of Tony. "Holy shit,"

"Glenn you've said that three times now," I muttered stepping next to the man as I pressed down on my ribs again. It seemed everyone really like hitting me the last couple of weeks. I felt the man shift next to me as he looked over and I knew that he had become startled by the situation.

"Everyone all right?" Rick asked receiving a nod from both me and Glenn whereas Hershel stayed quiet as he looked down at the man. I couldn't quite place the look on his face. Was he okay with what had happened or was he seeing Rick in another light now?

"What time is it?" I asked moving passed Glenn and lifting Rick's arm to look at his watch. 8:45. Had I really been here that long? Actually what time did I get here? "It's late, we should leave."

"Fay's right," Hershel started speaking for the first time since Rick shot the two men dead. The use of the nickname had my stomach fluttering. "Let's head back."

We nodded along with his words, Rick leading us to the door when the squeal of tires and a car parking outside had us stopping. Rick held up his hand stopping us form moving forward and he dragged Glenn down on the floor beside him under the windows of the door. Hershel held my hand lightly in his, keeping me against the far wall near Tony's body. We hadn't made it as far as the other two.

"Dave? Tony?" a man's voice called out and my blood froze at the thought of more people like Dave and Tony. "They said over here?" he asked and I just knew he was with someone else.

"Yeah," another man answered a note of confusion to his voice.

"I'm telling you man, I heard shots." A third man's voce called out and I knew that this had just gotten worse for us. Of course the two people we meet and kill have a group out there waiting for them.

"Roamers!" one of the men yelled and a case of gunshots rang out, stopping my heart as the loud bangs echoed through the bar and through my mind. That was only going to draw more of them to us.

"Why won't they leave?" Glenn whispered over the noise as he glanced up to Rick. The elder of the two looked down at the Korean and gave him a bland look.

"Would you?" Hershel asked the younger man as Rick looked over to us with questioning eyes. What did he plan on doing? These men didn't sound like they were going to give up until they found Dave and Tony.

"We can't sit here any longer," he stated turning in his crouch to look over at us before turning back to Glenn. "Let's head out the back and make a run to the car." He suggested and Glenn nodded at his words getting ready to move.

Just as Glenn stood up someone walked closer to the bar and Hershel reached forward dragging the man back down to the floor, pulling me with him. As the men drew closer to the bar I shifted onto my knees, pulling out my gun before sharing a look with Rick.

I loved him so much in this moment. After I got stabbed and was healed he took me to the gun range and taught me how to shoot. Kelly had already been a pro at it but she had learnt from her dad who was ex-army. She had a license for her gun and Rick wanted the same thing for me. Kelly wouldn't always be there to save me from creepy guys in alleys. I knew he was thinking the same thing now as his eyes dropped to the gun in my hands.

"We're looking for Dave and Tony and no one checks the damn bar?" One of the men grunts as they stepped onto the porch of the bar. A hand was seen reaching out for the door and as it opened an inch Glenn jumped in front of it, slamming the door closed.

As soon as he did it a look of regret washed over his face and Rick looked to him in annoyance. He had given us away now and we probably wouldn't get out of here without using the guns.

"Someone pushed it shut,"

"There's someone in there." The voice was urgent and sounded scared but I bet he wasn't as scared as I felt in that moment.

"Yo, is someone in there? Yo, if someone's in there, we don't want no trouble." Another voiced called out and the three men standing outside continued to call out to us but we didn't say anything back. I was keeping my eyes on Rick. I knew he would come up with something and when he did I'd be able to pick up on it. That was one of the best things about our relationship, we were quick to bounce off each other. We didn't really need to speak to understand what the other needed.

"Someone guard the door. If they're in there they might know where Dave and Tony are." One of the men ordered and I could hear two sets of footsteps disappear. Rick sighed, resting his head on the back of the wood and closed his eyes.

"They drew on us!" he called out and I jumped at the sudden sound of his voice. This was not what I thought he had planned. Allowing them to actually know that we were in here, I didn't think he would do that.

"Dave and Tony in there?" the same man as before called out and I knew he must have been facing the door as he spoke. His voice was so clear that it sounded like he was in the room with us. "They alive?"

"No," Rick stated and I knew he had answered them wrong. You didn't go and tell a group that two of their men were dead. I don't think it worked like that in this world anymore – actually it didn't work like that before.

"They killed Dave and Tony!" the same guy that asked if they were alive cried out and the two other guys with him ushered him to go now that they knew the two men they had come here for were dead. "I'm not gonna go back and tell them that Dave and Tony got shot by some assholes in a bar."

"Your friends drew on us!" Rick snapped out wanting to make it clear that their men had started it and we had ended their lives for it. "They gave us no choice!" he breathed heavily, his head dropping down onto his chest before he looked back up. "I'm sure we've all lost enough people, done things we wish we didn't have to, but it's like that now. You know that! So let's just chalk this up to what it was... Wrong place, - wrong..." a gun was fired, shattering the window above Glenn's head causing the Korean man to duck away from the raining glass.

Rick jumped to his feet, aiming his gun out of the broken window and fired off a few rounds before looking to the three of us. Glenn was on his feet like Hershel but I couldn't move from my crouched position. This was all happening too fast. We should have left out the back before the men even got to the bar. Hershel's hand grabbed my arm and he pulled me from the floor pushing me away from the front of the bar.

"Get outta here!" Rick called out and I stopped to look back at my husband ignoring Hershel as he tugged on my arm. Rick's eyes locked with mine and he gave me a stern look before shouting out and order I had no choice but to obey. "Go!"

There were bullets flying everywhere as we ran across the bar and I was aware of Glenn slipping to the floor as a bullet almost hit him. Hershel ducked, releasing my arm and slid a gun over to Glenn, the gun he had dropped when he was almost hit. Once Glenn had the gun in his arms I dropped down next to him making sure I was covered by part of the wall as well while Hershel tucked himself behind a wall, still standing.

Rick was yelling out to the men again but I couldn't hear his words over Glenn's deep breathing in my ear. The man sounded shaken but I couldn't blame him. This is the most violence we had really seen since the outbreak. It was a lot to take in especially for someone his age. A noise from the back had Glenn snapping his head towards the other door in the bar and he shot to his feet rushing over.

I watched him as he creaked the door opened slowly, placing his gun in the gap before walking through. I couldn't see him anymore but I heard a creak in the stairs as he stepped down. I shared a look with Hershel and could finally hear Rick adding rounds into his clip rapidly.

Hershel and I were trapped between both exits, the only way we would get out was now covered by Glenn and Rick. A shot from the room that Glenn was in was like torture and I rushed to my feet and through the door without thinking. My gun was gripped tightly in my hands as I entered the dark room and was revealed to see Glenn still standing.

"Glenn?" I heard Rick call out and noted the panic in his voice. He had been scared that Glenn had been hit too. "Glenn?"

"I'm alright, I'm alright!" Glenn called out lifting one hand in the air as he turned back to the door which had one window missing from it. He rushed over to the door, clicking his gun ready for any more men that stood outside.

I could hear Rick talking to Hershel in the other room but didn't want to leave the man alone and see what my husband was talking about. A creak in the floorboard had Glenn spinning around aiming his gun at Hershel as he came up behind us. The man's breathing slowed down when he saw that it was just the man he had come here to retrieve and he quickly apologised, lowering the gun.

"Rick wants you to try for the car." Hershel told the other man nodding towards the door we were standing by.

"Try?" Glenn asked looking unsure as he looked to his girlfriend's dad.

"You'll try and succeed." Hershel told him and I knew that the older man held some confidence in his words as he spoke. "I'll cover you." He added holding up the gun he held in his hands. I nodded along with Hershel, I wouldn't let anything happen to Glenn.

"That's a great plan." Glenn muttered tiredly and I knew that he wasn't thrilled with the plan really. He walked over to the door peering out before hesitating and then pushing both doors open. He was the first to leave, Hershel following and just as I was about to slip out and follow a gunshot echoed out and Glenn slipped from my view.

Hershel didn't hesitate to shot and someone fell down with a cry of pain. I went to step forward but Hershel's hand stopped my before he placed both hands on his gun. I was holding my gun tightly in my hands as Rick came up behind us asking what happened. I didn't care in that moment what the two men were talking about. I just wanted to get out there to Glenn and make sure he was alright. Rick slipped passed me and made his way slowly over to Glenn as I watched peeking over Hershel's shoulder at the man lying on the floor crying out in pain.

I could hear Rick talking to Glenn quietly and I knew then that my friend must have been alright. Hershel seemed to understand the same thing but he didn't take his eyes off of the man crying out in pain. I dropped my eyes to the man as well and couldn't believe that this was one of the men that had been shooting at us moments ago. He seemed like a coward in this moment, I knew gunshots hurt but surely he would want to get himself out of there. Unless he couldn't.

A gunshot rang out from Rick's side of the alley followed by another and then the squealing of tires entered my ears and a man calling out to someone on the roof. They were talking about the guy Hershel had shot before the one in the car called for the other guy to jump down from the roof and hurry up. A scream rattled through my brain and my stomach lurched at the thought of the man not making it. From the sounds of it he was in a lot of pain and my mind went straight to the walkers. He sounded like some people that had been eaten by them. The car started again driving off quickly and the other man – or boy because that was what he sounded like screamed out. They had left him alone.

My head snapped back to the other man on the floor when he screamed out and the sounds of walkers entered the night. This man was being eaten alive by walkers and I wanted to close my eyes and forget all about it but his cries ripped through my mind. I wouldn't be able to forget that. Hershel stepped forward taking in the scene but before he could get any closer Glenn appeared and grabbed the man's shoulder.

I followed along not listening to Glenn but watching out for walkers but I knew the man was leading us to Rick. As we got closer to Rick the cries of the boy got louder and I looked over to my husband as he stood by the injured boy. His leg had been impaled by the metal fence and I knew instantly that so much damage had been caused to his muscle. I doubt he would make it, the walkers would be in here in seconds and he wouldn't be able to fight back.

"I'm sorry, son. We have to go." Hershel said to the boy and I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Of course I understood where the elder man was coming from. If we stayed any longer than we would all be in the boy's position, but we couldn't leave him here like that in all that pain.

"No no, don't leave me please." The boy begged, tears streaming down his face as he sat up and looked to Hershel his eyes pleading the old man to help and not leave him.

"We have to go." Hershel turned to Rick trying to get the man to understand that we needed to go. I slipped passed my husband and walked over to the fence looking at the wound left to the boy's leg. It was lucky I wasn't squeamish when it came to things like this. Like I had said there was a lot of muscle damage and he wouldn't be able to move or even walk on this leg.

"We can't." Rick stressed and I knew he wouldn't be able to leave him here. He was thinking about Carl. This boy was only about five years older than our son. I knew Rick wouldn't want to leave him and I knew he would want to help him.

"He was just shooting at us!" Glenn hissed out not understanding where Rick was coming from. I guess he didn't understand what it was like being a parent. You saw things differently especially when it came to kids.

"He's a kid." Rick spat at the Korean trying to get him to help. I ignored the three of them pressing my fingers down on the boy's leg near to the open wound where the metal stuck out of him. His hand grabbed hold of mine softly and I looked up to meet his eyes. I could see how scared he was and my heart clenched at the thought of leaving him here.

"Please help me." He begged and I nodded my head softly at his words before looking down at his leg again. I wouldn't be able to get it off, not without hurting him more.

"This place is crawling with walkers!" Glenn shouted to Rick and I knew that he wanted to get out of here now. Too much had happened in one night and he was still trying to deal with it.

"We can't leave him!" There was no way my husband was going to go with that idea if he could do anything about it.

"The fence went clean through." Hershel muttered standing by my side as he looked down at the boy' leg and then turned to Rick as the man stepped between us. "There's no way we can get the leg off in one piece." He added and the boy cried out as Rick shook the fence trying to see if there was any way to help. I shot my husband a look and pushed him away when the boy cried out again.

"Shut up or I will shoot you!" Rick spat at him and Hershel pulled him away speaking as he did so.

"That may be the answer. We're not gonna get that leg off without tearing the muscle to shreds. He certainly can't run. He may bleed out." Hershel told him but I was cut off from listening to them when Glenn joined me and pushed at the fence like Rick had.

"Shut up." He muttered to the boy when he cried out in pain.

"Glenn," I hissed knowing that it was his fault that the boy was in more pain. Glenn shifted his eyes away from me but didn't leave me side. Glenn whispered to the boy trying to stop his cried as I pressed harder on his leg to stop the bleeding knowing that it wouldn't work until the metal was out as well.

"Can't we just take the leg off?" Glenn asked turning to face the two men behind us as they spoke. The boy's head shot to them and I saw the dreed on his face at the thought. It wasn't ideal but it would possibly save his life.

"That hatchet still in the car?" Rick askes Glenn and the other man shook his head his face full of concern.

"Don't cut my leg off, please. Please, not my leg." The boy cried out begging that we leave his leg and not cut it off. I rolled my eyes at his words but didn't bother fighting with him. It was the only logical way to get him off the fence.

"Will this cut through the bone?" Rick asked lifting up a knife he pulled from his belt, showing it to Hershel.

"I'll have to sever the ligaments below the kneecap, cut above the tibia. He's going to lose his lower leg." Hershel told him unbuttoning his shirt, pulling it off.

"No, don't. No."

"When we get clear of here, we're gonna have to find some tinder, cauterize the wound so he doesn't bleed out." Hershel added walking back over to me, his shirt twisted in his hands and I knew he was going to tie it around the boy's leg.

"All right, no choice. Hurry up." Rick ordered to Hershel turning to face he boy as he cried out at the thought of losing his leg. Rick walked around the fence and came to the boy's side holding down his arm to stop him from moving.

"Oh God, oh God. No!"

"Hand me that stick." Hershel demanded and Glenn handed it to him without complaint before walking back off. I looked to Hershel and nodded to him letting him know I would follow his lead in this.

"No. Ah!" the boy cried out when he realised that this was actually happening.

"Guys, walkers." Glenn called out letting his gun go off probably shooting a walker down. I wanted to help him but I knew Hershel needed me. "Hurry up!" The boy started fighting against us as Hershel tried to tie his short back over the leg and Rick shoved his hand over the boy's mouth trying to get him to be quiet. The more the boy fussed the longer this would take.

"Oh God. They're everywhere." Rick muttered pulling away from the boy, raiding his gun down the alley. "Hershel, how we doing over there?" he called out as he let of his rounds as the walkers creeped forward.

"I need more hands! Easy easy." Hershel muttered to the boy when he started to fuss again. I felt useless as I stood there, my hands pressing down on the boy's leg but I knew that I was helping.

"No, don't don't don't don't cut my leg off please." The boy begged once again trying to get Hershel to stop.

"Come on, we gotta go!" Glenn shouted running back over to us, his hand settling on my shoulder in warning. There must have been move walkers than expected.

"I'm almost out of ammo!" Rick called out and my heart fluttered at his words. We needed to leave.

"We don't have much time! Come on, we've gotta go!" Glenn shouted turning back to the walkers and then back to us. There was too much going on at the same time.

"Can't hold 'em off! Hershel, do it now!" Rick ordered but I knew that it wouldn't be possible. "Come on, Hershel!"

"There is no time!" Hershel snapped looking to Rick before sticking the knife into the boy's leg. I could hear the growling now over the boy's cries as they grew closer to us and knew that Glenn was right. We needed to leave before more of them came.

"Hershel, come on!" Rick shouted walking out of the alley, as Hershel stumbled away from the boy and looked at him hopelessly. Hershel's hand grabbed my shoulders pulling me away from the boy as well as Rick took his spot.

"Please don't leave me! Please! No! Please don't leave me! Please! Please don't leave me!" the boy begged looking at us frantically as we all stepped away from him. Rick hesitated by the fence as he looked between the boy, the fence and the walkers before a look of determination set in his face. Before I could even blink he had grabbed the boy's leg and ripped it up off of the metal fence. The boy's screams of pain drowned out the walkers growls as the muscles in his leg were torn again. That was going to be one hell of a mess to clean up and it would take at least over a week to heal. Hershel's' hand gripped mine in his and he pulled me away from the boy as Rick tugged him down off the dumpster. We were going back to the farm now. We had to get out of here. Another shrill scream sounded through the town and the growls of the walkers answered.

* * *

Glenn pulled the car over when we were far enough from town. It was at a safe distance for us to stop and gather our bearing but also for Hershel to check the wound on the boy's leg. Glenn climbed into the back of the car as Rick slipped out of the passenger's side and open my door nodding for me to follow.

"What in the hell were you doing out there!" he snapped when we were a walk away from the others. I knew this was coming but I expected it when we got back to the farm. I looked up to my husband and saw the anger on his face.

"I needed to get Hershel," I told him knowing it wouldn't be good enough for him. It didn't look like a good excuse to come out here but Beth needed her dad and I thought at the time it was a good idea.

"Why?" Rick asked placing his hands on his hips and I suddenly felt like a school girl getting told off by her teacher. Or Carl. I certainly felt like Carl getting told off by his dad.

"Beth needs Hershel, she was getting worse Rick." I said running my hand through my hair as the stress of the situation got to me. Far too much had happened and I was only expecting to stumble across Rick, Glenn and Hershel and then be on our way. "I couldn't help her Rick, I couldn't help her." I knew I was crying but it wasn't because of Beth. We had almost been killed tonight and I don't know how to handle that news at the moment. It hadn't even been walkers that almost got us tonight but humans. Other survivors.

"Hey, hey, look at me, look at me," Rick mumbled bringing his hands up to my face and cupping my cheeks, his thumbs running over them softly as he wiped away my tears. "It's not your fault, Beth's still in shock and then she had to worry about Hershel. She couldn't handle it and you can't help her state of mind." He assured me pressing his lips lightly to mine as I nodded at his words. He was right, I couldn't blame myself for Beth, but that wasn't what was bothering me.

"That's not the only thing I'm worried about. Look Rick tonight those-"

"Fay!" Hershel called out as he stepped out of the car and looked over to me. I turned to the man and slipped from Rick's hands and rushed over to the man. "The boy's asking for you." He grunted and I nodded my head at his words and climbed into the car next to Glenn.

"He won't tell us his name," Glenn muttered nodding to the deranged boy as he rested against the seat. He was working up a fever, the pain and blood loss weren't helping either and I knew we needed to get him back to camp fast.

"Hey," I whispered to the boy taking the flashlight from Hershel and shining it in his eyes noting that the blood loss was effecting him as I thought. "I'm Faylin, do you want to tell me your name?" I asked him touching his wrist and feeling the slowing beat of his heart. "Rick give me your hand," I called to my husband as he stopped by Hershel outside the car. He lifted his right hand up to me but I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "Your other hand," I didn't even have to look at him to know he was confused but he did as I asked and lifted his right hand up. I placed my fingers on the boy's pulse and glanced down at the watch Rick had on. "His pulse is slowing down," I told Hershel who nodded and shifted on his feet.

"We need to get him back fast," he announced moving to the passenger's door, slipping into the car. Glenn closed his door and Rick rushed round to the driver's side after I pushed his hand away. "Come on Rick," Hershel called out as the last door of the car slammed and Rick started the engine.

"Are you going to tell me your name?" I asked the boy as I peered at him carefully. I wanted him to trust us before I had to blindfold him and make sure he didn't know where we were going.

"Ran – Randall," he mumbled breathing threw the pain as his head slumped back against the seat, his eyes dropping shut.

"Blindfold him," Rick ordered and Glenn handed me a piece of fabric I tied around his eyes. "Put this in as well," Rick handed back an I-Pod – I guess it was Beth's seeing as it was in Hershel's car. I slipped the buds into his ears and then selected a random song on the playlist and turned the volume up. Randall didn't seem to mind and I knew he must have passed out from the pain.

"You need to speed up Rick!" I called to him resting my hand on Randall's neck locating his pulse and hoping that we would reach the farm soon.

* * *

"Not a threat. How many of them were there?" Shane spat looking to Rick with frustration and anger on his face. "You killed three of their men, you took one of them hostage, but they just ain't gonna come looking?"

"Shane will you shut the fuck up" I shouted at him as I ran my fingers over my temples. I needed to help Hershel with the surgery, the two of us would have to do it soon or Randall would probably die. I didn't need Shane going off on one now because another thing wasn't going to his plan. "No one gives a shit what you have to say so keep your mouth shut!"

"You little –"

"Shane!"

"You know, we haven't even dealt with what you did at my barn yet." Hershel started coming back over after giving Patricia orders about setting up the barn. "Let me make this perfectly clear, once and for all... This is my farm." After everything we had been through this evening he didn't have the patience to deal with Shane. "Now I wanted you gone. Rick talked me out of it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. So do us both a favour..." His eyes flashed over to me before glancing back to Shane. "Keep your mouth shut."

It seemed to work because Shane growled, threw up his hands and walked away in a huff. God that man acted like a child, I just wish he would act his age and stop being immature and grow up.

"Kelly we'll need your help," I called to the woman knowing she wouldn't question me. Over the years she had become like a personal nurse to me and we worked well as a team. We were sort of like partners.

* * *

"Day seventy-three," I mumbled joining Rick in our bed as the sun made its way over the trees and introduced itself to the world. I felt exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep.

"What?" Rick grumbled moving me into his arms as I dropped into them and cuddled up to him. I sighed as I rested my head against his chest and his arms wrapped around me. His hands slipped under my top, running over my back and I sighed when he started rubbing at the tense muscles there. God I forgot what it was like being a doctor.

"Day seventy-three of the breakout." I told him closing my eyes, sinking into his warmth.

"Did the surgery go well?" he asked dipping his fingers into my lower back sending a shiver up my spine at the amazing feel. I nodded my head against his chest and I think he knew that I wouldn't give him anything else as I was too tired.

* * *

"I should have recorded your exact words," Amy muttered leaning back on the porch as me, Kelly and Maggie laughed at her words. The four of us had joined on the porch after lunch. I was walking up as Maggie was about to walk down and hand me my lunch. Amy and Kelly were already sat outside enjoying the sun.

"What did I say to him exactly?" I asked running my hands through my hair and twisted it into a plait. I was still tired, but I knew I couldn't hang around all day sleeping.

"Oh it was something like 'Shut your fucking mouth, not one gives a shit about you." Kelly said giggling at her own words as Maggie twisted around to look at her shaking her head.

"It wasn't quite like that," she stated clearing her throat and standing from the porch. "Shane shut the fuck up! No one needs to hear the shit that comes out of your mouth!" Maggie imitated and all four of us were laughing hysterically at her words. I clutched my stomach as the tears threatened to spill as the laughter took over.

"Mom?" Carl asked walking out of the house a confused look on his face. I smiled up at him and stood from the porch.

"Yeah sweetie?"

"What are you doing?" he questioned and I knew he must have heard us swearing. I chuckled at his words and pressed my lips into his head.

"Don't worry baby," I told him wrapping one arm over his shoulder, pulling him down the stairs with me. "Let go find your dad."

* * *

"How's he doing?" Hershel asked as I walked back into the house, pulling off the gloves I had on. I gave him a small smile as he handed me a glass of water and I sipped at the cool drink.

"I think he's good enough to try and walk on it," I told the older man setting the glass on the table and looking over to him carefully. "Rick wants to take him out, far enough away from here. Do you think he's making the right choice?"

"Rick's gonna do what's best for us all. I trust his decision, he knows what he's doing." He muttered sitting down into one of the chairs at the table as he looked me over, a small smile in his face.

"You seem … I don't know. You've changed." I admitted dropping down onto the chair opposite his.

"I have changed." He confessed placing his hands on the table as he looked over to me with sincere eyes. "I wanted to waste away after everything that happened with the barn. I thought I lost my wife and step-son but Rick helped me realise that I had lost them a long time ago. He helped me see that I was being selfish, I needed to stay strong for my girls. He helped me see that and because of that I am willing to trust his choices."

"I wish some people would follow your concepts," I mumbled rising from the table running my hand over my face. "I've got to tell Rick that Randall's got the okay."

* * *

"And you're sure he's okay to take out?" Rick asked standing in front of me, hands on his hips as I leant against the tree.

"Would I lie to you?" I teased biting my lip as Rick sent me a burning glare. He stepped towards me slowly, his hands resting against the bark of the tree as he leant against me softly.

"I remember when you lied to me only nine months ago," he started and I knew what he talking about instantly. "What was it again?" he asked but I knew that he knew. His lips pressed against my chin lightly, dipping down my neck and over my collarbone. He sucked lightly on the sensitive spot and I sighed out as heat filled me in my lower stomach. "You told me you couldn't make it to the dinner as you couldn't get out of work. What happened then?" he asked running his hands over my stomach lightly, his fingers slipping under my shirt. "What happened?"

"You, you came home for, for lunch." I groaned out placing my hands on his to stop him from sliding them further up my stomach. He did remember that we were out in the open for everyone to see.

"And what were you doing darling wife?" he asked pressing his hips against mine and my eyes rolled back into my head when I felt his hardened member pressing into my stomach where the heat was circulating. I shook my head against the tree at his words. I wouldn't be able to answer him even if I wanted to. "I'll tell you then," he whispered pressing his lips to my ear. "It was a pleasant surprise when I found you –"

"Dad?" Carl's voice drifted over to us and Rick snapped his head to where our son's voice echoed from. I opened my eyes, tilting my head in the same direction and saw Carl there looking at us with a frown on his face. "You were kissing again weren't you?" he asked disgusted at the idea. I couldn't help but laugh at his words, dropping my head on Rick's chest as he leant into my slightly. There would be no way he would be moving soon. "You guys are so gross!" the boy exclaimed before stalking off towards the house.

"End of the world and we can still traumatize the kid," Rick mumbled dropping his head on top of mine, pressing his lips against my hair. I chuckled at his words, resting my hand on his stomach as he laughed along with me.


	14. Chapter 14

"Be careful. Watch Shane. Come home." I muttered to my husband as he wrapped me in his arms, placing a kiss on the top of my head as I buried it into his chest. Today he was taking Randall out a few miles away from the farm. It was decided that the boy couldn't be trusted here and they wanted to give him a chance at living but not with us. The only problem with today was that Shane was going with Rick. Rick wanted to let the man understand that I wasn't his and that I was Rick's. And the only my husband saw that fit to do was to take the man away from everyone else.

"I'll be fine," he assured me pulling back and looking down at me. I could see that he was telling me what he thought was the truth but we both knew that Shane was reckless and crazy – Rick's definition of fine would not be the same as Shane's.

"I love you," I whispered to him standing on my toes to place a kiss against his lips. It was meant to be a light kiss but I couldn't help but deepen it when the thought of losing him flashed in my mind.

"I love you as well," he mumbled as he pulled away. He placed one last his against and left me there. We both knew that if he stayed longer I wouldn't let him go. I watched as he walked over to Daryl, muttering to the man who nodded his head and patted my husband on the back.

"You always worry," the soft voice of Carl murmured as he came to my side, placing his hand within mine. I looked down at him and nodded my head at his words. "You should stop. He's come back every time, I don't think he'll leave us this time mom."

"When did you get so smart?" I teased pressing a kiss to his head as I pulled him away so I wouldn't have to watch his dad leave.

"I suppose I got it from you," he mumbled following me as I handed him a basket full of dirty clothes. He looked unhappy at the new chores but I ran my hand through his hair and pushed him in the direction of our makeshift washing lines. There was a large metal bath set down by the trees and it was already filled with soapy water. I had been getting it ready when Rick told me he was leaving.

"Or your dad," I told him dropping to the floor when Carl placed the washing down. He picked up one of his dad's shirts a look of disappointment on his face. "Hey baby, why don't you do see if Hershel needs any help. I know him and Jimmy were going to start with the farming today. You might enjoy that more." The boy nodded his head, placing a kiss on my cheek before rushing over to the house where Hershel was.

I hope this day didn't drag. I don't think I could cope not having Rick here where I knew he would be safe.

* * *

_The TS19 samples are gone. The tragedy of their loss cannot be overstated. They were our freshest samples by far. None of the other samples we gathered even came close. Those are necrotic, useless dead flesh._

_I found something new today. Something that would change everything …_

_It's unthinkable the new results and I'm not sure if I should log them down. Do I want to be reminded every time I glance back through my notes? After everything that's happened why did I have to find this out?_

_I shouldn't have let them in. I knew what I was doing when they walked into the lobby but I couldn't stop myself. They were begging me and I couldn't leave them out there to die. But they would die in here. I had let them walk into their own graves by walking into this place._

_I recognised one of them. I had never personally seen her before but I had heard of her and thought she looked familiar. Candace mentioned her before – apparently the girl was (suppose she still is) a prodigy in the medical world. Started medical school at sixteen and was working on her doctorate by eighteen. Candace wanted her to work with us here but the letter she sent was never replied to._

I stopped reading at those words. Had Jenner known who I was when we were at the CDC? He never mentioned anything to me. I could remember getting a letter from the science section at the CDC but I was fine working in Kings County. I knew a lot of people didn't understand my choice. I was good enough to work in the hospitals all around America – I had an offer at one of the top hospitals in New York but I turned it down. I turned most offers down.

After losing dad I wanted to stay close to Nana and I knew Nana wanted me to stay close to her. I didn't deal well with dad's death. I was going to quit medical school but Nana wouldn't let me. She told me it wasn't something dad would have wanted and that he was proud of me.

_I didn't know it was her until that evening when one of the girls was teasing her, calling her Fairfax. That brought up a conversation about how young she was when she got her doctorate and I knew it was her. Candace was so proud of her when the girl was mentioned. She even went to her graduation, it was like she was a proud mother watching her daughter achieve the best. It broke my heart because I couldn't give her a child of her own._

I never knew that Candace Jenner had attended my graduation at medical school. I knew there were a lot of high profile doctors and scientists there, some coming to personally ask a few of the students to join their team but I didn't know she was there.

Kelly had graduated the same year as me although she's two years older. I knew of her, had a few study sessions with her but we never really spoke until we were at Kings County General. She had transferred over for her last year so there was never a chance for us to speak until we were working.

"Mom, what you doing?" Carl asked dropping down beside me as I hide under the shade of a tree. I looked at him noting that his jeans were covered in mud as well as his hands. He must have been helping Hershel with the farming.

"Reading baby," I told him holding my finger on the page as I closed it and smiled to him. "You been helping Hershel?"

"Yeah, it was boring at first but then Hershel said I could ride a horse later today if I helped." He explained and I could see the excitement on his face at the thought of riding one of the horses.

"Well I hope you were polite and thanked the man."

"Of course I did," he whined stumbling to his feet and looking down at me a small frown on his face. "You're not staying out here all day are you? It's gonna get cold soon."

"Why are you turning into your dad?" I asked the boy smiling at the look on his face. He looked like his dad in that minutes as he looked down at me.

"Mom, you've been sat out here for a long time. Carol's worried about you, she wouldn't leave me alone, kept asking if you were okay." He mumbled running his hand through his hair reminding me of his dad again.

"It's alright sweetie, just tell Carol I've been engrossed in a book. I've nearly finished." I told him lifting the book up in my hand as I spoke. "I'll come help with dinner once I've finished."

"Alright," he muttered stalking off to the house where I knew Carol had been staying. She was in love with the kitchen and I knew that it was taking her mind off of Sophia by staying in the house.

_It broke my heart because I couldn't give her a child of her own._

_I would be telling one of them soon. I can't deal with knowing this secret any longer. Who was I to know when they didn't?_

_This infection – we had it all wrong. At first we thought it passes through bites or scratches but I know that's not true know. Two days before this group turned up I found out the truth. It was done accidentally but I found out and now it won't stop entering my mind. We're all infected. The virus is inside us like a common cold. I'm not sure if it will die out eventually but all I know is that we all carry it._

_Their blood examples told me that. I'm not sure why they haven't changed. I think they might have to die first. I think their brain has to die and then they will turn. It would explain why they only die with a headshot. It makes sense to me now. We can't escape this. It's part of us now and they need to know. Maybe I will tell them._

_Maybe I'll tell them before decontamination. Or maybe I'll let them die without knowing._

_Maybe I was meant to be the only person to know this._

_Maybe that's why everyone else dies before we found out._

It felt like I had stopped breathing. He knew all along and he didn't say anything. How could he do that? Why would he do it?

My eyes stung as his words appeared in front of my eyes again. Eventually we would all turn into one of those things. If we all carried the virus then there would be no stopping the walkers. Every time someone died they would be a walker.

"Hey little sister," Daryl called out standing in front of me. Blocking the streams of sun that shone down on me. I blinked a couple of times before looking up at him. "Ya alright?" he asked and I nodded my head hoping he wouldn't be able to see that I was actually quiet distraught. "Rick asked me to watch ya',"

"I'm not a child Daryl!" I snapped letting my feelings get to me as I realised that everyone had this infection. Rick had the infection. Carl had the infection. Kelly had the infection. Amy had the infection. Glenn had the infection. Daryl had the infection. Everyone had the infection.

"Ain't calling ya one," he grumbled looking away leaving us in silence for a few minutes. He broke the silence created by sighing and turning to face me. "Ya worried 'bout Rick?"

"Carl asked me the same thing. I'm worried about him being out there with Shane." I mumbled dropping Jenner's journal in my lap wanting to throw the thing away and burn it.

"Ya know it too then?"

"Know what?" I asked looking up at the man carefully, following him as he sunk to the floor, his hands resting on his knees as he spoke.

"He killed Otis. Came back with a dead man's gun." He told me and I knew that Daryl wasn't keen on Shane. He could join the group.

"Shane's unstable. It wouldn't surprise me if he killed Otis. Rick can't trust him, he doesn't trust him." I mumbled nodding my head at the words Daryl muttered as I spoke.

"Why is he not doing anything then?" Daryl asked and I could hear a hint of anger in his voice.

"He can't just kick him away from the group Daryl. Shane hasn't got the best temper most of days. Pissing him off won't help. He's already gone crazy. I know you don't believe that Rick wants him gone but he does. That man isn't Rick's best friend anymore. Rick knows that. He's known it since Shane tried to rape me at the CDC." I stressed to Daryl wanting him to know that Rick wasn't just letting so sick murder stay with us. "We need to plan it Daryl. If we don't who knows what Shane will do."

"He tried to rape ya?" Daryl spat and I could see his face flushing red in anger. It was sweet to think the man cared about me but it was going to happen. After all we had turned out to be a family and even if the man kept his distance he was still part of the group – part of the family.

"Rick stopped it. That nasty bruise Shane had at the CDC. That was Rick. He knocked him out cold when he stopped it. He would have gone further, probably killed him but I wanted to get out of there." I explained knowing I couldn't leave it at that with Daryl.

"Should'a let him kill 'im," Daryl grunted flashing his eyes away from me. I smiled slightly at that and shook my head.

"That's not who we are," I told him but I already knew him.

"We should head inside," Daryl mumbled standing up and waving his hand in front of my face to help me from the ground.

* * *

The clutter around the kitchen was soothing to me and I was almost forgetful that we were meant to be living in fear because of the world we now lived in. Hershel had been out with Carl a few hours before teaching him to ride a horse, Glenn had been watching – supervising as he put it. Carol, Amy and Maggie had been playing around in the kitchen making and preparing for dinner tonight but I knew Maggie was worried.

Beth hadn't changed much since Hershel came back last week but she was speaking more now and we were all thankful for that but she still hadn't climbed out of bed. I wasn't as worried as the others as I knew what the girl was going through. She didn't want to climb out of bed and face the world, she had lost her mom and she was hurting for that. She may have had the rest of her family but that didn't change the fact that she was hurting.

Amy set down the tray on the table and the clatter of the plate hitting the table had me looking away from one of the shirts I was stitching. There was half a healthy size portion of meat on the plate – not sure what it was but I knew it either came from the farm or Daryl. Alongside the meat was a small salad of cucumber and tomato and a half glass of apple juice. I sighed knowing that she wouldn't have touched it even if Maggie force fed her.

Amy picked up the plate, covered it with plastic wrap and set it in the fridge. I knew someone else would eat it later if not Beth herself. I watched her take away the glass and dropped my eyes to the knife and fork, only there was no knife.

"What did you do with the knife?" I asked Amy setting the shirt, thread and needle down as I waited for Amy's answer.

"Nothing, it's on the tray," she mumbled pouring the apple juice into a plastic cup. I knew she was going to give it to Carl, he was the only one that used the plastic cups around here. I looked down at the tray again and shot to my feet not bothering to reply to Amy as I rushed up to Beth's room.

I opened the door with a slight bang and was happy to see that Beth was sat on the bed, her arms wrapped around her legs as she rested against the head frame. She didn't glance at me when I entered but I knew that she knew that she had the knife.

"Beth, give me the knife," I begged her walking over to the bed, dropping down to the floor and touching her arm lightly. She didn't answer me but I knew she wouldn't. "Look Beth what you think you want to do isn't what you actually want to do. It may seem like the right thing at the moment but it's not."

"How do you know? It'll be better this way," she whispered and her words broke my heart. She really didn't see the light in all this. She really did want to end her life.

"I know what you're going through Beth. I lost my dad when I was your age. We may not have been close but what he did, giving me up to my Nana, he did that because he loved me. Every choice he made was for me. I loved him so much and when he died I didn't want to go on anymore. I was around your age when he died and I was thinking the same things. 'Why should I go on?', 'It would be easier to end it all'. It hurt so much Beth but at the end of the day I knew that I was thinking stupid things."

"You don't know how it feels!" she cried out and I could see the tears running down her cheeks as she glanced at me.

"I do know. I wanted to do the same thing you're wanting to do. I'm not stupid Beth, I just want you to give me the knife. If I gave up when I was sixteen I would have never become a doctor. I would never have met Rick or Carl. I wouldn't be a wife or a mother if I ended my life. I'm begging you not to try and do the same thing. You have a lot to live for, it may not seem like it but you do. Maggi loves you, your dad loves and Patricia loves you. Jimmy cares for you deeply and everyone else her as accepted you into our own little family. Please don't ruin the chances you have in life because you are suffocating with grief." I pleaded running my hand up her arm, hoping she would just listen and hand me the knife.

The blonde girl turned away from me and I was afraid that I hadn't got through to her. The silver flashed in my eye and the girl handed the knife over without a word. I took the knife from her, holding the wooden handle firmly in my hand and stood from the floor. I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath before placing a light kiss on her head and leaving her alone. She had made the right choice but I knew there would be something else to come.

As I closed the door behind me I looked up to see Amy leaning against the wall, tears streaming down her face and her hand covering her mouth. She must have heard what I was saying. Now she knew that I had been suicidal when I was a teen. It had been a dark time for me after losing dad but I pushed passed it, with the help of Nana and the disappointment dad would feel if I gave up.

"I'm so sorry," Amy cried as I took her in my arms, walking her down the hall and to the stairs. I dropped down on the top step, pulling Amy down lightly to join me. It was a squeeze but we both managed to fit.

Amy was smaller than me, she had a nice figure but she was natural thin. Small hips, small waist, small frame. On the other hand I was slightly larger than her. I had wide hips, a large bum (as Rick would say – I knew he loved it), small waist, largish breasts but I still thought I had quite a small frame. I was small in height as well and I was sure almost everyone here stood taller than me. I knew my size was bigger than the other woman here but I wasn't fat. I was curvy and toned, not fat. I think it would be hard to stay fat with the amount of food we were living on. There was nothing wrong with being fat, it wasn't up to me to judge people on their size unless it got to a stage where it was effecting their health. Even I like to pig out on good food every once in the while.

"You have nothing to apologise for," I told her wrapping my arm over her shoulder as she rested her head against me. She sniffled slightly and I knew that this must be what it felt like to have a little sister.

"I didn't mean to listen, but once I start I couldn't stop," she moaned smoothing her words into my shoulder as she let more tears fall.

"It's okay Amy. I don't mind. I wouldn't have told Beth that if I was worried about people knowing. I'm not afraid for people to know that I was weak once in my life. It was understandable for me to go like that, my dad just died and I was hurt. It was stupid thoughts of grieving and I would never do anything like that now." I explained running my hand lightly over her shoulder as her sobs slowed and she pulled away to look at me.

"I think you're brave and strong." She stated smiling at me softly as she nodded her head. "If that was my dad I would have ended it but you chose to live. That takes a lot of bravery and strength. You shouldn't hide it away, I wish I could be as strong as you."

"Thanks," I whispered to her feeling my eyes water at her words. I had been told the same by Nana and Kelly but it felt different hearing it from someone else. They had been my family, Amy wasn't really family but at the same time she was. "I'm worried about Beth. Things are different with her than they were with me. The world was normal when I lost my dad but now I don't even know what's going on and she has to worry about no longer having her mom. On top of that there will always be a threat to our lives. She has that to worry about as well."

"I think she'll make it through it like you did. She may look weak but I see that she's a fighter. I don't think she'll give up that easily." Amy assured me, standing from the stairs and holding my hand. "I've got a date with Carl," she added giving me a wink. She was talking about school work. Amy had taken it upon herself to teach Carl – she enjoyed it and I loved the bond that the two of them had.

"I'm going to tell Maggie about this," I muttered lifting up the knife that was still clutched in my hand. "I don't want to but Beth needs the same treatment I had when I was like that."

"And what was that?" Amy asked walking down the stairs in front of me. Her words brought a smile to my lips as I remember Nana when she found out.

"A lot of shouting from a loved one."

* * *

Rick and Shane returned not too long after it started getting dark but by that time too much had happened. After I told Maggie about Beth wanting to hurt herself the older sister spent most of the afternoon yelling at her and Beth yelled back. It was a good sign that Beth was slowly getting better.

Amy and Andrea had another argument – Andrea didn't understand why I took the knife from her and Amy snapped. That didn't end well but it did reveal that Andrea was still bitter about Amy wanting to leave the CDC and live. Let's just say it ended with Amy shouting at Andrea saying no had a right to take away someone's life – that everyone should have the chance to live.

After that Amy stormed out and I followed leaving Andrea alone in the kitchen. Amy and I ended up at Kelly's tent (surprisingly she was around.) I hadn't seen her at all that day until then and I was wondering where she got to but she wouldn't say. It wasn't even an hour after that when we saw Andrea walking around outside. She avoided Amy but the younger sister didn't care.

Long story short Andrea was meant to be watching Beth for Maggie while the dark-haired girl did something but Andrea had left Beth alone which resulted in Beth locking herself in the bathroom and cutting herself. The cuts weren't deep and it was obvious that Beth's attempt at any warm were worthless.

Andrea said the girl should have had a chance to realise she wanted to live. I could see her way of thinking but to leave a suicidal girl alone to give her that chance was stupid. I think by this evening of tomorrow morning Andrea would have a slightly bruised cheek. Maggie had smacked her when she found out and minutes after that Amy had given her sister the same treatment.

Tensions were high around the farm and I think it only got worse when Rick and Shane returned with Randall. I could see the confusion on many of the faces around us but I knew Rick wouldn't have brought the boy back if he didn't have to.

Both Rick and Shane looked beaten when they returned and although they claimed that the place was overrun with walkers I didn't believe them. They shouldn't have looked that bad because of some walkers – no I knew that they had ended up in a fight.

It was those thoughts that had me watching Carl as he turned in his sleep, facing the wall of the tent as he let out a yawn. He was worried when he saw Rick's face when the man returned and I didn't know how to comfort him.

"What you doing?" Rick grumbled his hand running over my lower back as he searched for me on the makeshift bed. I leant into his touch before slipping back down into the bed and into his arms.

"Thinking," I told him resting my head on his chest as he wrapped me in his arms.

"About what?"

"The fight you and Shane had," I muttered feeling him tense at my words before he relaxed. I hope he didn't think me stupid not to notice. "What was it about?" I asked wanting to know why my husband had been beaten by his supposed best friend.

"He wanted to be leader. He wanted me gone so he could have what I had. I wasn't going to let him have you or Carl. I wasn't going to let him take control of these people when he can barely care for himself." He grumbled and I could tell he was angry at the situation.

"I don't think you have to face Shane alone anymore," I told him looking up at him, pushing myself up slightly so he could see me. "Daryl knows about Otis', he knows about Shane attacking me in the CDC. He doesn't trust him and he understand why we can't just kick him out. If you speak with Daryl, let him in, he will help you with the Shane situation."

"You trust him?" Rick asked looking to me as he spoke. His fingers ran over my face shifting away a loose curl as it fell from the braid I had it in.

"I do. He didn't stop searching for Sophia, he cares for the group but he won't show it. Hell, I think he cares for Kelly." I mumbled to the man as he nodded at my words and pulled me down to him, pressing his lips to mine lightly.

"I'll speak to him in the morning,"

* * *

I couldn't find Carl. He wasn't anywhere around the farm and I worried that he ran off after Rick sent him away. It was getting dark now and he still hadn't come from his hiding place. I could hear people moving around in the house and I knew they were getting ready for the meeting Rick had called.

This would be where we made a decision about Randall. They would be voting on whether he should live or die. It was inhumane, we shouldn't get to agree and make that choice. It wasn't ours to make. Daryl walked passed me then, nodding his head in greeting as he entered the house. I had no clue where Carl was.

"Mom," his voice startled me and I snapped my head to him and sighed in relief. He was okay, a little muddy but he looked okay.

"Where the hell have you been?" I demanded standing from the porch and down the stairs until I settled in front of the boy. His face flushed at my words and he turned his face away from me, shrugging his shoulders. "Don't wander off Carl. I was so scared! I looked everywhere for you. Please tell someone when you go somewhere." I ordered pulling him into my arms, resting my face in his hair as I held him close. I pulled back looking down at him again and rolled my eyes at his dirty clothes. "Let's go inside and I'm warning you now not to sit on the furniture."

Carl rolled his eyes as he climbed the steps before me and I smiled at him before following. The conversation was already underway when we entered and I stopped by the wall, leaning on it as I listened to Rick speak. He was talking about Randall.

"We could hang him, right?" Shane muttered looking over to Rick as he spoke. "Just snap his neck." Rick shook his head at that looking down at the floor.

"I thought about that. Shooting may be more humane." Rick stated and I knew that he didn't want to do this but it was what was best in his eyes.

"And what about the body? Do we bury him?" T-Dog muttered and I could see that Dale was furious.

"Hold on, hold on! You're talking about this like it's already decided." Dale exclaimed looking to them all in annoyance. He was right, they were talking as if they had already made their decision.

"You've been talking all day, going around in circles. You just wanna go around in circles again?" Daryl muttered as if it would clear up their decision.

"This is a young man's life, and it is worth more than a five-minute conversation!" Dale stressed to them and I knew then that Rick would think of me. I was against this idea, I agreed with Dale. "Is this what it's come to? We kill someone because we can't decide what else to do with him?" He looked to Rick then pointing his finger at him as he spoke. "You saved him and now look at us. He's been tortured. He's gonna be executed. How are we any better than those people that we're so afraid of?" Dale asked wanting an answer to his question. He wanted them to give him a reason as to why killing this boy was right.

"We all know what needs to be done." Shane muttered but was cut off by Rick as my husband nodded his head slightly.

"No, Dale is right." He said looking to Dale before flashing his eyes around the room. I couldn't see him properly but I knew he was taking everyone in. "We can't leave any stone unturned here. We have a responsibility—"

"So what's the other solution?" Andrea interrupted looking to Rick, waiting for his answer. "We haven't come up with a single viable option yet. I wish we could. "

"So let's work on it!" Dale yelled and I felt sorry that people kept dismissing him. This man was trying to stop us from turning into animals and all these people here ignored him.

"We are." Rick stated, resting his hands on his hips as he spoke.

"Stop it. Just stop it." Carol shouted speaking over everyone. "I'm sick of everybody arguing and fighting. I didn't ask for this. You can't ask us to decide something like this." She looked at everyone then and I knew she was right. They couldn't ask us to agree with killing someone. It wasn't right. "Please decide-Either of you, both of you-But leave me out."

"Not speaking out or killing him yourself-There's no difference." Dale muttered looking to Carol as he spoke. I knew he felt passionate about this but he couldn't say that to her. It was her choice of she didn't want anything to do with such a harsh decision.

"All right, that's enough." Rick stated holding his hand up to Dale to stop the man from carrying on. "Anybody who wants the floor before we make a final decision has the chance." I looked around and felt disappointed as no one spoke, sitting down in their chairs and looking away from everyone else. I would have spoken up but I knew where this was going. Me and Dale against the rest. We wouldn't make a difference, no matter how hard we pushed.

"You once said that we don't kill the living." Dale said to Rick and I knew that Dale was trying to get him to remember that.

"Well, that was before the living tried to kill us." Rick told him stepping forward to look at the arguing man.

"But don't you see? If we do this, the people that we were-The world that we knew is dead. And this new world is ugly. It's...Harsh. It's-it's survival of the fittest. And that's a world I don't wanna live in, and I don't-And I don't believe that any of you do. I can't. Please. Let's just do what's right. Isn't there anybody else who's gonna stand with me?" Dale's eyes locked with mine at the end of his words and I gave him a small smile. The man knew I was with him on this but it was a half attempt. We wouldn't be able to change the final outcome.

"He's right." Andrea finally said breaking the silence that settled around us. "We should try to find another way."

"Anybody else?" Rick asked glancing over to me as he spoke. I knew he was waiting for me to say something but I couldn't. Dale had already said everything that needed to be said. If he couldn't sway anyone what luck did I have?

"Are y'all gonna watch, too?" Dale asked disgusted at the thought but his words made sense. These people had just agreed to kill someone, or they didn't speak up on the matter. There was no difference form them watching or not, they still agreed. "No, you'll go hide your heads in your tents and try to forget that we're slaughtering a human being. Whoa...I won't be a party to it." He turned away and walked over to Daryl stopping by the hunter for a few seconds and placing his hand in the man's shoulder. "This group is broken." He stated before waking off leaving us all to think about his words.

I glanced over to Rick before looking around the group. They had made their decision and I couldn't be part of it.

"Dale!" I called out running after the man trying to catch up with him. It was dark outside now and I placed my hand on my hip making sure I had my gun before I rushed over to the older man. "Dale please," I begged wanting him to stop so I could catch up with him. He stopped and turned, waiting for me to catch up before he walked off again. "I'm sorry,"

"You don't have to apologise," he grumbled lifting his gun up on his shoulder as he spoke. I knew he was upset about everything but he knew I tried.

"I spoke to Rick earlier, I tried to make him understand but he's blinded by the danger Randall's men present to us." I told him walking alongside him as I spoke. "He's trying to protect the whole group but I think he forgets that he doesn't need to make all the choices."

"He is a good man, but I don't agree with him on this." Dale stated and I could hear the disappointment and anger in his voice.

"I don't agree with him either Dale." I stated wanting him to know that he wasn't alone with his choice. He nodded his head but didn't bother to say anything else. We both knew where we stood.

We walked on in silence just enjoying the comfort we gave each other. At least some part of us would not feel responsible for Randall's death, we had tried to stop it and it wouldn't be on our shoulders.

The chirping of the crickets was disturbed by a painful groaning and Dale led us over to a mutilated cow. It had been ripped open, and I knew it was the work of a walker. Dale sighed and turned around and I followed him only to scream out in surprise. There was a walker standing behind us and I felt annoyed that I hadn't kept my guard up to realise. The walker pounced on Dale before I had the chance to stop it.

Both of them stumbled to the ground, Dale screaming out in pain as the thing ripped at him. I was supposed to do something, but I didn't know what. My eyes were starting to tear up as I fumbled for the gun at my hip. My actions didn't prove to be fast enough as the walker dug its hand into Dale's chest, ripping it apart.

"No, no, no, no," I muttered fumbling with the gun but before I could aim it at the walker Daryl jumped into my view, pushing the walker form Dale and stabbing it in the head. I dropped to my knees by Dale's side as Daryl called out for the others.

I looked over Dale and knew I should do something, but I couldn't think. My mind was on the walker. How had we not noticed it? We were so stupid, we should have seen it. Rick dropped down beside me, cupping Dale's face in his hands as he muttered to the older man.

They were calling for Hershel but as I looked at Dale I knew that there was no hope for him. He wouldn't survive this. He wouldn't make it. Andrea and Amy dropped down beside me, both girls crying at the man that was like a father to them. Both of them promising it would be okay but we all knew that it wasn't. Hershel agreed with me I could hear him telling Rick that there wasn't anything to be done.

Dale was asking now, he couldn't get his words out but it was clear what he was asking. He wanted it to end. He wanted the pain to end. Rick had his gun pointed at him but he wasn't pulling the trigger. He couldn't pull the trigger. I could see that in his eyes as I looked up at him. Another hand gripped the gun taking it from Rick without a word and Daryl kneeled down on the floor beside Dale. Dale lifted his head to the gun and it was clear what he wanted. He didn't want to suffer anymore.

"Sorry brother," Daryl muttered to him before he pulled the trigger, ending Dale's pain.

More tears seemed to slip down my cheeks as Dale's head dropped back to the floor as the gun went off. Daryl dropped his arm, the gun falling to the floor with it. Andrea had Amy in her arms as both of them cried and I knew that this shouldn't have happened.

Dale shouldn't have died. And after everything he went through to stop Randall's death he dies in a stupid accident where we forgot about the world we were living in. we forgot for a moment that life was important to us. We forgot until Dale had to leave us.

* * *

"Dale could - could get under your skin. He sure got under mine, because he wasn't afraid to say exactly what he thought, how he felt. That kind of honesty is rare and brave. Whenever I'd make a decision, I'd look at Dale. He'd be looking back at me with that look he had. We've all seen it one time or another. I couldn't always read him, but he could read us. He saw people for who they were. He knew things about us-The truth...Who we really are. In the end, he was talking about losing our humanity. He said this group was broken. The best way to honour him is to un-break it. Set aside our differences and pull together, stop feeling sorry for ourselves and take control of our lives...Our safety...our future. We're not broken. We're gonna prove him wrong. From now on...We're gonna do it his way. That is how we honour Dale".

Rick's word had me in tears but I wasn't the only one. Amy and Andrea were crying, as was Kelly, Carol and Glenn. Carl was wrapped in my arms, his tears soaking my shirt and I knew that Rick was trying to keep it together.

Dale wasn't supposed to die. He was supposed to be here with us, fighting for a better life but know that he's gone we would have to suffer without him but at least we could go on knowing he was in a better place now. It would be hard going on without him but at least he had the comfort of knowing that Dale didn't have to suffer anymore.

Slowly the group walked back to the house, leaving Dale's grave as it lie next to Sophia's. It was going to be hard living without Dale but we would make it through. We had to stick together now, we had to continue on for Dale.

Hershel wanted us all to move into the house. It wasn't safe for us to be hanging around outside not after Dale last night. The group had the cars parked by our makeshift camp and they were already packing away everything into the cars. Everything was going to get moved into the house but I felt uncomfortable with that.

"Rick we need to be careful," I told him walking to his side, my hand resting lightly on my ribs. I had forgotten about the bruises there but when I woke this morning they were nagging at me. I must have knocked them in my sleep.

"We are being careful," he grunted lifting a gas canister into the truck as he spoke.

"I don't think moving everything into the house is being careful." I stated wrapping my arm around my ribs to stop the pain. I didn't need him worrying about me when he had a group to think about. "We need to be ready for anything. If we're leaving the cars by the exits in case we need to make a quick getaway then we shouldn't take everything inside. We need to keep supplied in each car. We need the tents, we need clothes, food, and water. We need to stop thinking we're safe here and plan, prepare for the worst." I told him knowing he wouldn't understand where this was coming from. "I don't want us to be stranded out there in case something bad happens. It would be stupid and a mistake. It happened at the quarry and it happened at the highway. Hell it happened at the CDC. We keep putting trust into things and they keep backfiring."

"I know, I know," he muttered wrapping his arms around me when a few tears slipped out. "I understand, I'll sort it out with T-Dog. I'm sure he won't mind helping you." His lips pressed against my head before he let go and started giving out orders.

* * *

"It was a good idea," T-Dog muttered as he helped me section everything into different piles. We were making three piles. One for the Hyundai, one for the Ford truck and another for Hershel's Chevrolet. Those three cars seemed to be the ones that would allow us to make a fast get away. Dale's RV would be used but with the amount of times it's broken down we couldn't trust it.

"I wanted to be prepared. I don't want it to be like the CDC again." I told him as we started splitting the food into different boxes.

"We should have done it before," T-Dog started nodding down at everything we had. "Should have lived out of the cars from the beginning. That way we don't have to worry about getting everything if we have to leave."

"We should have thought about it before T, it was stupid of us." I muttered standing from the floor and looking down at the piles. "Kelly's dividing the medical supplies between three, it should be done soon so we can add that as well. I think clothes don't matter, whatever cars alright as long as we stick together but I'm thinking we should have back up weapons in the cars. We can't rely on the guns forever."

"Are you sure you were a doctor before this?" T asked smiling up at me as he spoke. I rolled my eyes at his words and turned to face the house.

"I'm gonna ask Hershel and the others to pack a bag so we can put them in the truck." I mumble dot him before walking off up to the house where I knew Hershel was.

We needed to be on top of everything. We couldn't wait for something to happen and then plan then, we needed to be ready before.

* * *

"You feeling better Beth?" I asked the girl as I passed her, carrying Hershel and Maggie's bags to the truck. She was up and about today so that was something. She was improving since the day before last. I guess she understood that she wanted to live. She turned her eyes to me and smiled before leaving Jimmy and wrapping her arms around me.

"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you." She mumbled as she pressed her head into my shoulder. I dropped the two bags on the floor and wrapped my arms around her. "You understood better than anyone but I think I needed to figure it out on my own," she said and I couldn't help but agree with her. It was a stupid way to figure it out but now she knew she wanted to live.

"It's alright Bethy," I told her pressing my lips to her head and pulled back, picking up the two bags I dropped. "You got your bag ready? I want to put it in the car."

"Daddy's not happy about it but he wouldn't argue. I think he knew that we had to have a plan b." she said giving me a soft smile before entering the house before coming out with three bags. "I got Patricia's and Jimmy's as well." She announced following my down to the truck and throwing the bags into the back.

"It's just to stay safe." I said thinking back to the last few times we had blindly believed in something. "We've been in the same situation three times, I don't think it's wise to do it again."

"Daddy trusts Rick and I think he trusts you as well. You helped me and you risked your life to bring him back to me. After everything that's happened I think he trust you. He understands that you want to be prepared." She told me, her words making me feel better than I was. It was one thing to earn Hershel's trust. I could tell that as soon as I met the man. "I think it's a parent thing, to worry and be prepared."

"Trust me Beth, being a parent is hard work but Carl's a good kid." I muttered pulling the cover over the half of the truck that was full. T had already placed in the other bags full of clothes and I noted that there was a box of food supplies already.

"I gotta go help Jimmy," Beth called as she walked away sending me a small wave as she went. I nodded my head at her words before wandering over to the Hyundai where T-Dog was packing everything into the trunk carefully.

"I see you started packing without me," I joked as I joined him by the car accidentally knocking my ribs against the metal. I hissed out in pain, resting my hand on my side and waving him off when he looked up in concern. "Ribs are still healing,"

"You seemed busy, so I decided to do some work while you slacked," he teased sending me a smile as he patted me on the shoulder.

"You've got me all figured out T-Dog. I give the orders but I slack in the work," I sighed resting my head on my hand as I adjusted my arm on the car. I gave him a large smile as he shook his head and chuckled.

"Damn, I don't know how Rick's with you," he mumbled sending me a wink as he covered the box of food with one of the duffle bags.

"Oh ya know, couldn't resist my good looks and charm." I stated winking back at him as he clenched his stomach as he laughed hard. "Oh come on T it wasn't that funny." I whined moving away from the car and pushing him slightly.

"Why have we never had conversations like this before?" he asked wiping away a tear as he looked up at me. "I don't even know your full name."

"It's okay because I don't know your full name either. I was gunna say that your name can't be T-Dog." I replied looking at him with raised eyebrows. "We never spoke much at the quarry but I knew we were okay with each other. I guess it was hard to speak to everyone when there was thirty people surrounding you."

"Yeah I suppose you're right." He mumbled leaning on the edge of the trunk and patting the space beside him. I jumped up and perched next to him, nudging his shoulder lightly. "I'll tell you my real name if you tell me your full name."

"Oh my god, you're like serious right?" I asked not wanting to tell him the middle name my Nana had given me. There was nothing wrong with it but it wasn't something I liked – at least she didn't give me a middle name that started with an f. "Oh alright," I muttered when I knew he wouldn't give me his name otherwise. "Faylin Esmeralda Grimes."

"Esmeralda?" he asked and I could hear the chuckle behind his words.

"Well at least I wasn't given the original name picked out." I grumbled shoving his side as he released his laugh.

"What was it?" he chuckled and I could only imagine what he was thinking.

"My Nana wanted to name me Faylin Farah Fairfax." I admitted feeling my face flush as I told him. Rick knew and Kelly did as well but other than that no one else did.

"I guess your Nana liked alliteration?" he suggested bumping into my shoulder as he shook with laughter.

"Whatever T-Dog!" I exclaimed pouting at his words. "You have to tell me your real name now, it was part of the deal." T-Dog sobered up at my words, nodding his head as he took a few breaths to calm down.

"Theodore Douglas, not a name like yours but I like it," he supplied and I felt myself smile at his words.

"You know me and Rick talked about baby names before." I told him smiling at the memories shared between me and my husband. "We always agreed that if we had another boy we'd call him Theodore-James. I think Theodore is a beautiful name."

"Oh stop it you're making me blush," he cried out covering his hands as he ducked his head away from me. I laughed at him and he sat up and looked at me curiously. "You and Rick never had another kid after Carl?" he asked and I knew he would. I glanced around making sure we were alone before I spoke to him. I knew Carl knew I wasn't his biological mother but I hated bringing it up.

"Carl's not mine biologically," I told him fiddling with the ring on my finger as I spoke. "His mom left him when he was one and Rick got full custody. I adopted him the same day we got married but he was my son before that.

"I met Rick when Carl was five, I was barely twenty and the man was five years older than me but I knew as soon as I saw him that he was the one. Does it sound cliché to think that?" I asked looking over to T-Dog as I waited for his answer. The man shook his head and I knew he wanted me to continue. "I was Carl's doctor and I could tell he was an ill little boy but I gave him medication to help. Two days later I bumped into Rick again when Shane came into the emergency room because of some accident at the Sheriff's department. Me and Rick ended up having coffee, we spoke and I didn't want it to end.

"After we left I knew he was putting up some walls. I mean what man wouldn't after the woman that gave him a son just ups and leaves. He had a responsibility to Carl. I saw them again that same week, wanted to check-up on Carl. Ended up takin the boy home with me as Rick needed to go into work and had no one to watch him. My Nana owned a child-minding company so Rick was happy with Carl staying at the house. After that Carl was coming round every day and they were both having dinner round five times out of seven. I think it was the first time he came round that I started caring for Carl. He was a wonderful boy and he felt abandoned. His mom left him and his dad was always working so he could have the money to care for him, but I think he missed his dad. He loved it with me and Nana, we became a family.

"Almost a year after that, the day before Carl's sixth birthday Carl gave me this mother's day card. He was going to give it to me before but he didn't want to upset his dad. I had watched the boy grow within those months and when he gave me that card I knew I cared for him like a son. I told Rick that and we ended up kissing. I didn't care of Carl wasn't mine biologically because it didn't matter. I loved that boy and I sure as hell loved his dad as well."

"I wouldn't doubt how much you love that boy." T-Dog stated playing his hand lightly on my arm as I smiled up at him.

"We were together for just over two years when he proposed. It was the beginning of the summer and we had originally planned to marry the following year but my Nana had been diagnosed with cancer a few weeks before and she had a turn for the worst in November. We got married before she passed away so I could have her at the wedding. She died that night but I knew she held on so I could be happy with Rick.

"We didn't decided to try for a baby until the following February. We tried for three years and I never fell pregnant. I blame myself. We both know Rick can have kids so the problem must lie with me. I never went to get tests done but I knew I wouldn't be able to have kids. Someone who had been trying for three years should have fallen pregnant." I didn't realised I was crying until a few of them dropped on my hands.

"You can't blame yourself." T stated bringing me into his side as he held me to him. I pressed my face into his side as I continued to sob but I was already disagreeing with his words. "It's not your fault." He was trying to assure me but I knew that it was my fault.

"I think I was being punished, am being punished."

"Why would you say something like that?" T asked and I could hear the concern in his voice.

"My dad died when I was sixteen," I admitted pulling away from him as I wiped my tears away. I took in a deep breath before looking out into the distance where the barn was. "I tried to kill myself, thought it would help with the pain but I was stupid." I had mentioned it to Beth but I never actually told her that I had done enough damage that I was taken to hospital. "I think that's why I never conceived. God was, is punishing me for trying to take my own life."

"You're still here. He wouldn't punish you for a moment of weakness controlled by grief. You are a strong woman, he wouldn't punish you for a small moment of weakness." He sounded so sure as he spoke and I believed him. T-Dog had that way about him, almost like Dale. They believed in you even when you no longer believed in yourself. I sighed at his words, resting my head on his shoulder as I nodded my head. He was right. I needed to forget about it.

"Thanks Theodore," I mumbled using his real name as I closed my eyes. His arm wrapped around me, pulling me closer to him as he dipped his head down until it was resting against mine.

"No problem Fay," he whispered and for some reason I was getting to like the use of my nickname. I used to hate it an only let Nana call me it but these last couple of weeks move people were using it and I liked it. I was changing but it was in a good way.

* * *

Randall had escaped. T-Dog went to get him for Rick and Daryl but found that he wasn't in the shed. And then Shane appeared with a bloody face shouting about how the boy attacked him, stole his gun and smacked him in the face before running off.

They had been gone for too long now. I don't know why they had to go. It was stupid and I didn't like it. I knew Carl was worried when he asked to go to bed. He didn't want to wait around like I was waiting for his dad and the others to return. I knew he had been scared when Shane turned up with a bloody face.

The closing door had me on my feet before I could think. I needed Rick to be safe, I needed him to be okay. Disappointment ran through me when I came to face Daryl and Glenn. I was glad they were okay but Rick wasn't there.

"Rick and Shane ain't back?" Daryl asked when his eyes settled on me. I shook my head hoping he knew where they were. I thought they were out there together. "We heard shot,"

"Maybe they found Randall," Amy suggested looking around the room at the others.

"We found Randall," Daryl stated but there was something in his tine that had me thinking there was something more.

"Is he back in the shed?" Andrea asked looking over to the two men. They exchanged a glance before Daryl frowned.

"He's a walkers."

"Did you find the walker that bit him?" Hershel asked looking to the hunter knowing that they would have dealt with it but he still asked. We couldn't be too careful.

"No, the weird thing is he wasn't bit." Glenn muttered and I almost froze at his words. Was this what Jenner was talking about?

"His neck was broke." Daryl added and I almost cried out when I realised it was true. It must be true.

"So he fought back." Patricia muttered looking unsure as she spoke. She shared a look with Hershel before looking down and away.

"The thing is, Shane and Randall's tracks were right on top of each other. And Shane ain't no tracker, so he didn't come up behind him. They were together." Daryl muttered, no one questioning him because he was the expert here when it came to this thing.

"Look we can deal with this later." I started stepping towards Daryl as I spoke. "Can you go back out and find Rick? If you're thinking what I think you are you need to get to him." I wasn't stupid and I knew Daryl wasn't either. We both knew what Shane was like. Rick told me what happened when they went to drop Randall off. Shane tried to kill him. I wouldn't put it passed the man to try again. "We need to know what's going on."

"You got it." Daryl muttered to my words nodding his head as he walked back over to the door.

"Thank you." I mumbled playing my hand on his shoulder before dropping my head and letting Kelly wrap me in her arms. I couldn't deal with losing Rick again, not after last time.

"Guys you need to see this," Glenn whispered stepping into the house before leaving again. We followed behind him all rushing out to see what had Glenn so worried. My heart was beating so fast in my chest and it almost stopped when my eyes settled on the horde of walkers making their way towards us.

"Patricia, kill the lights." Hershel ordered as he glanced out at the walkers. It was a never ending group of them. There would be no way we could make it through that.

"I'll get the guns." Andrea muttered walking into the house and I followed her. I needed to get Carl. I needed him close by in case anything happened.

"Carl!" I called opening the door and looking round the room. He wasn't there. Where in the hell was he? "Carl!" I shouted out opening the joining bathroom not finding him there either. My heart was beating faster now. He was supposed to be here. He was here last time I saw him. I walked up here and he climbed into the bed. He was in the bed. "Carl!" I called out rushing from the room, opening every door to find him.

He wasn't anywhere up here. I knew he was supposed to be here but he wasn't. The one time I think he's listened to me and he hasn't. Good lord did he go outside? Was he out there now with them walkers?

"Fay what's wrong?" Amy asked as I rushed out of the house and onto the porch. I blinked my eyes at her, fighting away the tears as I glanced at everyone else.

"Carl's gone." I stated feeling the panic set in now that I admitted the boy wasn't here.

"What?" Daryl asked sounding confused at my words.

"He... he was upstairs." I told them clenching my hands as I spoke. "I took him up to bed. I can't find him anymore. I can't find him."

"Maybe he's hiding." Glenn suggested but I turned to look at him shaking my head.

"He wouldn't hide, he's supposed to be asleep. I'm not leaving without him!" I cried out feeling the breath crush against my chest as I struggled to keep myself calm.

"We're not. We're gonna look again. We're gonna find him." Carol declared taking my hand and leading me back into the house, Amy and Kelly following. I hope we found him but I knew I wouldn't have missed him.

"You don't think he went outside do you?" Amy asked pressing her hand to the small of my back as she glanced out of the window. I looked to her, wiping away the sting in my eyes as I nodded my head.

"I think it's what he did." I bit my lip as we rushed down the stairs to Beth and Patricia. Kelly and Carol joined us and I knew they hadn't found him either. "We can't find him anywhere," I whispered feeling like the whole thing was my fault. If I had stayed with him upstairs he would still be here.

"We think he snuck outside," Amy said and Kelly nodded along with her words. It would be something Carl would do. He was far too curious for his own good.

"What do I do Kelly? What do I do?" I asked my best friend hoping she would supply he answer for me

"He was here." Carol muttered glancing around the room at us all before looking to me. "He must've run off, maybe looking for Rick or went after Randall himself." Her words ripped at me. He would have done it. He would have gone after his dad.

"Maybe he set the fire!" Beth exclaimed pointing to the barn form the window. I followed her gaze and saw that the barn was indeed on fire.

"We got to help, I've got to help." Kelly stated picking up one of the guns from the side and rushing outside to join the others. Amy glanced at my quickly and I nodded my head to her. She followed Kelly, taking a gun as she passed.

I took Beth's hand in mine and walked out onto the porch watching as Maggie stopped the car and the two girls piled into the back. They followed Glenn's lead and fired out of the windows and I hoped they would be safe.

"Carol we've checked everywhere, the shed, the attic, the basement. Where could he be?" I asked the older woman, clutching Beth's hand in mine tightly as I looked around. "He could be at the barn. We need to check the barn." I muttered letting go of Beth's hand and turned towards the blazing fire.

"No, you can't it's too dangerous." Carol shouted grabbing hold of my arm stopping me form going toward the danger. I didn't care in that moment, I needed to find Carl.

"Carol I won't leave my boy behind!" I snapped at her and felt bad instantly but Carl was all I needed.

"He's probably with Rick. If we find him he needs you. You need to trust he's okay." Carol said to me, holding my face in her hands making sure I looked at her when she spoke. She was right. I needed to stay safe for Carl. Rick would take care of him, I knew that. I nodded my head to her and she let go before patting Beth carefully on the shoulder before looking to Patricia. "We need to go!" she ordered heading down the steps.

I glanced one last time around the surrounding area hoping to find Carl so I wouldn't have to leave him behind but my eyes only settled on Hershel.

"Hershel!" I called out grabbing my gun from my hip and aiming it at a walker as it drew closer to the man. "Hershel it's time to go! Hershel!" Carol grabbed my arm, pulling me back before rushing off and leading the way for us. I turned back, making sure Beth and Patricia were following as I ran after Carol.

Two piercing screams had me snapping my head back to see Patricia clinging onto Beth as a walker's grabbed hold of the older woman. There were two walkers eating away at her neck while Beth stood there watching. I rushed towards the blonde girl, forgetting that I was meant to going after Carol and pulled onto her shoulder. Patricia wasn't going to let her go. I wrapped my arms around Beth, pulling her to my chest while one of my hands tried to get Patricia's fingers to loosen their grip around the girl's wrist.

Her fingers slipped form Beth's wrist and I pulled the girl away just as more than one walker dragged her to the floor. Her screams wrapped around my head but all I could think about was getting Beth somewhere safe. I was responsible for this girl now and I would not let Hershel lose anyone else.

I tugged her away, avoiding other walker's not knowing where I was actually going. Too much was going on and the others were using the cars. I needed to find somewhere safe. The truck pulled to a stop in front of us and Andrea jumped out from the car leaving the door open.

"Get in!" she shouted and I pushed Beth into the truck before looking to Andrea as she shot at a nearby walker.

"You need to get Carol!" I called to her climbing up into the car before pointing behind us. "She went that way!" Andrea ran off towards Carol's screams and I couldn't help but watch as she ran passed T's window.

He didn't move the truck, knowing that the two woman would need us but we all watched in terror as a walker fell on top of Andrea.

"They got her," I whispered feeling the pain as we lost someone else. How was I meant to tell Amy? T-Dog started the car, giving one last look to Andrea before driving off the farm.

Didn't know what to say. What could we say? I had just watched a close friend die. My son and husband where still out there somewhere and I didn't know what happened to Carol. I couldn't say anything but that didn't stop the tears form falling. I pulled Beth into my arms, allowing the girl to cry into me. She had almost died tonight. We had all almost died tonight. I glanced into the side mirror one last time watching the fire burn in the distance as T-Dog drove faster down the lane. Everything was gone. We had lost everything again.

* * *

"T-Dog we have to turn around," I told him when I saw he was going away from the farm and the highway. I know Rick. If he was still alive he would go back there. Glenn would as well. It's the only place we all knew.

"Straight back to that herd? Um, no." he muttered gripping the wheel tighter as he continued to drive.

"The highways that way. They will go to the highway. You know that, I know it and I'm sure they know it. We all know that place and I'm sure as hell they would all go back to it." I stated holding Beth to me tightly as I looked over to the man driving. "Its morning already T, we can't keep driving all night."

"We're headed east, get to the coast. We should've done that from the jump." He answered not looking my way as he kept his eyes on the road. I knew the sound of his voice. He wasn't leaving room for an argument. "Look, we've got a shot to get out of here in one piece."

"I have to find my son. He may have got off that farm with Rick. I'm not giving up on them!" I exclaimed to him feeling Beth push her head further into my chest as she cried at my words. The girl needed to be with her father.

"I hate to say it, but they're on their own." He mumbled flashing me a look before glancing back to the road. "There's no way to even begin to start looking."

"Have some faith!"

"Look, we can't go back. I'm sorry. It's suicide." His words may have been right but he didn't have a family out there like me or Beth. He didn't understand how we felt in that moment.

"After everything we've been through you're going to give up? The last time we spoke you said I wasn't being punished. Is this my punishment right her Theodore? Is this what I deserve? To be tormented and tortured because I don't know if my families alive?" I asked him hoping he would give up and turn around. It wasn't just me that needed to go back. Beth deserved to go back as well.

"I can't," he grumbled shaking his head ignoring everything I just said.

"All right, then let me out." I ordered taking my arm off of Beth and opening the door. If I had to jump I would.

"Hey! Whoa!" he exclaimed pulling the car to a stop as he glanced over at me.

"I'm serious T-Dog. Go back to the highway or you better let us out now!" I spat at him not forgetting the conversation we had just yesterday. I knew T-Dog. He was a sweet man but what he was doing now was out of fear.

"I should do it, you know." He shouted and I turned to climb out of the truck. "Okay?" his words stopped me and I turned back to face him.

"T-Dog." I begged wanting the man just to let his fears go and join our family.

"You're out of your damn minds." He spat before turning the car around and driving it back in the direction we just came from. I sighed resting back against my seat as Beth dropped her head against my shoulder again. At least we had each other until we found the others.

* * *

Just before we reached the highway we caught sight of Daryl on his motorbike. Carol was sat behind him and I smiled when I saw that the woman was safe. They were driving in front of the Hyundai and I could see Glenn, Maggie, Amy and Kelly within the car. I nudged Beth awake and nodded to the car in front as Daryl lead the way to the highway. It seemed I was right about everyone going back there.

We all pulled to a stop quickly and as soon as T-Dog cut the engine I saw Carl. The tears were running down my checks as I fumbled with the door, jumping down and rushing to my boy.

"Carl," I called out dropping to the floor as he fell into me arms. This felt right, having him this close to me. I breathed him in, not caring that he smelt of sweat, smoke and blood. This was my boy, this was my son and he was safe.

Rick dropped down behind Car, wrapping his arms around us both as he placed a kiss to my check. I buried my head into his shoulder and let my sobs take over. I knew they would be here. I knew because I had that faith Carol told me to hold onto.

"Where'd you find everyone?" Rick asked pulling away for us and standing to face Daryl.

"Well, those guys' tail lights zigzagging all over the road... figured he had to be Asian, driving like that." I smiled at Daryl's word but then my eyes settled on Amy. She was looking around and my heart broke. She and Andrea may have not been on good terms but they were still sisters.

"Good one." Glenn muttered not knowing that Amy was looking around for her sister. I climbed to my feet, holding onto Carl's shoulder lightly as I looked to the blonde.

"Where's the rest of us?" Daryl asked fearing the worst. We were smaller than before but we had only lost four other people.

"We're the only ones who made it so far." Rick told him glancing around at the group as if taking in who was here.

"Andrea?" Amy asked stepping forward and the whole group looked at her. I could already see that she knew. She knew that Andrea wasn't here.

"Andrea?" Glenn repeated placing his hand carefully on Amy's shoulder when no one answered the heartbroken girl.

"She saved me, then I lost her." Carol admitted looking around the group. Carol had been the last one to see Andrea, she wold know the most.

"We saw her go down." T-Dog added and I knew what he was talking about. We did see that walker fall on top of her.

"Patricia?" Hershel asked as Amy started to sob. Kelly rushed over tot eh girl, wrapping her in her arms, whispering words into the blonde's ear.

"They got her, too." Beth whispered her voice weak as she started. "Took her right in front of me. I was...I was holdin' onto her, daddy. She just..." Beth stopped talking as the tears took over before looking up startled. "What about Jimmy? Did you see Jimmy?"

"He was in the RV. It got overrun." Rick told her and I felt my tears falling again as I watched the young blonde drop her head into her father's chest.

"You definitely saw Andrea?" Carol asked her eyes shooting over to Amy in concern.

"The walkers were everywhere." I started not wanting to go any further with Amy standing so close by. She didn't need to hear it.

"Did you see her?" Carol asked again looking to me now instead of Amy.

"I'm gonna go back." Daryl muttered walking to his bike ready to leave again.

"No." Rick stated looking over tot eh hunter with hard eyes. Rick didn't want to lose anyone else.

"We can't just leave her." Daryl fought back and I bit my lip before stepping forward slightly.

"We saw her go down Daryl. A walker fell on her." I admitted hearing Amy cry out in pain at my words. It was what I was avoiding but I needed to stop Daryl from making a mistake.

"She could have made it out," Carol muttered her voice weak as she spoke. I knew she was blaming herself for this. Andrea had gone back to save her.

"She isn't there. She isn't. She's somewhere else or she's dead. There's no way to find her." Rick muttered shaking his head at the words. There could be hope for her but we wouldn't know. It was too risky for it. His words hurt Amy, I could hear her crying deeper at his words but they needed to be said.

"So we're not even gonna look for her?" Glenn asked his face full of regret. He didn't like leaving people behind but we didn't have a choice.

"We gotta keep moving. There have been walkers crawling all over here." Rick told him nodding his head towards a walker as it made its way towards us.

"I say head east." T-Dog muttered and it was obvious he was thinking about the route we were taking before.

"Stay off the main roads. The bigger the road, the more walkers, more assholes like this one." Daryl muttered nodding to the walker as well. "I got him." He declared raising his crossbow and ended the walker's life.

* * *

It didn't take long for us to take everything out of the truck. T-Dog, Daryl, Glenn and Rick shared everything between the Hyundai and the Chevrolet. Daryl would be keeping his bike and Carol would be riding with him, but the rest of us would split into the cars.

Glenn, Maggie, Hershel, Beth and Kelly in the Hyundai while Rick, T-Dog, Carl, me and Amy went in the Chevrolet. It was quiet in our car, Amy choking on her sobs as she rested her head against the window. Carl reached over and placed his hand on hers lightly trying to soothe her. It wouldn't stop the pain but it would let her know that we were all here for her. I wrapped my arm around the boy's shoulder before glancing to my left at Amy. I just hope she dealt with this.

* * *

"You out?" Daryl asked as Rick ran up to join him. I held Carl's hand tightly in my own, while the boy held onto Amy's pulling her along with us.

"Running on fumes." He admitted walking up beside the hunter.

"We can't stay here." Maggie stated glancing around the place. She was right this wasn't an ideal place to stay but we didn't have much choice.

"We can't all fit in one car." Glenn stated pointing out the obvious. I glanced over to him before letting go of Carl's hand and pulling Amy into my arms. She had started crying again and I knew she needed to be held.

"You're gonna be all right Amy, we're gonna be alright," I whispered to her pressing my lips to her head before listening back to the others conversation.

"We can't just sit here with our asses hanging out." Maggie stated not liking the thought of being out here longer than we should.

"Watch your mouth." Hershel warned her before looking over to Rick and then glancing at the others. "Everyone stop panicking and listen to Rick."

"All right, we'll set up a perimeter." Rick started but I didn't catch the rest of his words as Amy pulled away from me and ran off to the car. I rushed after her not wanting to leave the girl by herself. I didn't know what she would do but I knew what she was feeling.

"Amy please, I know your hurting but those people over there. You see them?" I asked her watching as her eyes settled on the group before she looked back to me and nodded. "Those people are family and they are standing around looking for answers. They've trying to get us through this and I know you have a right to grieve but we need to be there as well. We are part of this group and we both need to know what choices we have. Do you understand that?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered running her hands over her face as she nodded her head.

"You don't need to apologise," I told her taking her hand and pulling her lightly into my arms. "We'll go over there and listen okay. We'll both go over there." I muttered pulling her softly back to the group. We joined them just as Rick was trying to console Maggie and Glenn.

"I know it looks bad, we've all been through hell and worse, but at least we found each other." He stressed to the man before pausing and looking around the group. "I wasn't sure... I really wasn't... but we did. We're together. We keep it that way." He stopped again before nodding his head and carrying on. "We'll find shelter somewhere. There's gotta be a place." His words were broken and desperate. He needed this and I knew he needed it more than all of us.

"Rick, look around. Okay?" Glenn spoke up glancing to my husband as he looked around. "There's walkers everywhere. They're migrating or something."

"There's gotta be a place not just where we hole up, but that we fortify, hunker down, pull ourselves together, build a life for each other. I know it's out there. We just have to find it." Rick spat believing that there was somewhere for us out there. Somewhere we could all live and try to be safe.

"Even if we do find a place and we think it's safe, we can never be sure. For how long? Look what happened with the farm. We fooled ourselves into thinking that that was safe." Maggie said holding tightly to the gun as she looked to Rick. She wanted somewhere safe as well but she knew it wouldn't last.

"We won't make that mistake again." Hershel added and I knew that he had given up the hope that the walkers' could be brought back form this infection.

"We'll make camp tonight over there, get on the road at the break of day." Rick muttered after Hershel nodding towards the ruins off to the side of the road. I hadn't even known it was there until he pointed it out.

"Does this feel right to you?" Carol asked looking to Daryl waiting for his words.

"What if walkers come through, or another group like Randall's?" Beth asked walking up to Rick hoping he had the answers.

"You know I found Randall, right?" Daryl said looking to Rick as the others gathered closer around. "He had turned, but he wasn't bit." I watched Rick's reaction to Daryl's words and tilted my head to the side as he flicked his eyes away, not looking to the hunter or anyone else.

"How's that possible?" Beth questioned looking up to my husband for advice.

"Rick, what the hell happened?" Kelly asked resting her hand on Carl's shoulder as she fired another question at my husband.

"Shane killed Randall. Just like he always wanted to." Daryl stated and I knew it was true. It would explain how he got out of the shed and how the door was still locked. It also seemed like something Shane would do.

"And then the herd got him?" Kelly wandered asking why the man wasn't here now. I knew it didn't bother her, not really. I was fussed by it either but he was still a human. If he got ripped apart by walkers he didn't deserve it. No one did.

The silence around us was almost deafening to me. It was all on everyone's minds now. How Shane had let Randall out. How he killed Randall. How Randall turned into a walker and where Shane was now.

"We're all infected." Rick finally admitted and I sighed knowing that Jenner had been right. The man may have seemed crazy but he had been telling the truth. He must have told Rick. Sometime during our stay he must have told Rick.

"What?" Daryl asked answering for everybody as they all looked to Rick in confusion.

"At the CDC, Jenner told me." Rick explained looking to Daryl before looking away from everyone. "Whatever it is, we all carry it." He added and I could hear the disappointment in his voice.

"And you never said anything?" Carol questioned stepping towards him as Daryl walked away before turning back to face Rick.

"Would it have made a difference?" Rick asked looking to Daryl and then Carol.

"You knew this whole time?" Glenn accused and I could see the hurt and danger on his face. This was not how it should have gone. Rick should have said something before. They should have known before.

"How could I have known for sure? You saw how crazy that ma-"

"That is not your call. Okay, when I found out about the walkers in the barn, I told, for the good of everyone." Glenn argued cutting him off before he could say more.

"Well, I thought it best that people didn't know." Rick stated and looked at them all firmly before shaking his head and walking away. I watched as the group followed him with their eyes before looking away. I understood that this was a lot to take in but the blame shouldn't have been put on Rick. He was only do what he thought best for the group. I sighed, running my hand through Carl's hair before following after my husband.

He was looking away out into the forest. His shoulders were tense and I knew he was beating himself up over this. I rested my hand over his back, stroking along his spine before resting my head between his shoulder blades. I didn't know what he was thinking but whatever it was I couldn't blame him. I knew about the infection as well and I hadn't said anything to him. I slowly wrapped my arms around him, resting my hand over his heart while I turned my face into his neck.

"I knew," I whispered feeling him tense at my words. "I knew about the infection but I didn't say anything. I had my reasons and I'm sure you had yours. We will get through this, I'm sure-"

"I killed him." He said suddenly stopping my words as I froze. I pulled my head away from his shoulder and peered up at the side of his face. I couldn't see him but I knew he had a black face on because he words held no emotion. "I killed Shane. He came at me. He killed Randall to get me into the woods. He planned it. I had... I had no choice." I could hear the pain behind his words but I didn't let him go. He needed my comfort right now and I will give it to him. We knew that this would happen. We both knew that this would happen. Shane was crazed and we both knew that he would do anything to get what he wanted.

"I gave him every chance...And he kept leading me further out. He pushed me, and I let him. And after a while, I knew...I knew what he was doing, what he was up to. And I kept going. I didn't stop. I could have, but...I just wanted it over. Dogging me every step of the way. Acting like I stole you and Carl, like...Like I was in the way." His words were getting to me and I knew that if I was upset over them then he would be to. At the end of the day Shane had been a brother to Rick. They should have been best friends, they should have never fought each other. Shane should have understood that what Rick had was Rick's. He should have let it go because he was never going to have me or Carl. We were Rick's family, not Shane's.

"I just wanted it over. I wanted him dead. I killed him." He admitted and I could hear the pain he was holding onto. He wouldn't let this go. He couldn't let this go. He turned his head towards me and I stepped back a little, keeping my arms around him as he spoke. My hand was flat against his chest picking up the beat of his heart as he spoke. "He turned. That's how I knew Jenner...Jenner was right." He sighed deeply dropping his head before looking back up. "Carl put him down." Those were the words that had me letting go of him.

It wasn't out of disappointment, I don't think I could be disappointed in Rick for protecting his family. No I let him go out of shock. When I had been looking for him Carl had been with Rick. He had killed a reanimated Shane. That was where my little boy was. There was something inside me that couldn't deal with it. I couldn't deal with the fact that Carl had been the one to do such a thing. Rick's hand on my shoulder scared me and had me stumbling back in shock. My eyes met his and I saw the hurt and rejection there. I wasn't rejecting him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered falling into his arms as I let the tears go. My boy was only twelve. He shouldn't have had to put his uncle down. Rick's hand came up to my hair, running his fingers through the loose curls as they fell from the braid. He held me as I cried. He held me close to his chest as I let out everything I had been holding in. there really hadn't been a time to grieve over everything we had lost and now it was all rushing back to the surface. "I'm sorry," I cried as he pressed his lips to my head as he rocked us back and forth. We would sort it all out. We would work through this. We would make it.


	15. Chapter 15

It was that eerie silence that had me on edge. It may have been because we were staying in an abandoned diner on a random backroad surrounded by the forest or because we hadn't come across many walkers since leaving the farm a week ago. Whatever it was I couldn't sleep which made it good that I volunteered for tonight's midnight shift.

September was only a few days away according to Kelly's count. We were in our last week of August and soon the winter would be coming down on us. I could already tell that winter was on its way. The nights were getting colder and the days were quite chilly as well.

"Are ya gonna come inside?" Rick asked brushing his fingers over my cold cheek as he dropped onto the bench beside me. He was meant to swap shifts with me now but I didn't want to go inside. I couldn't sleep anyway so I might as well stay on watch.

"Did Daryl swap with Glenn?" I answered by asking another question. Glenn had been up on the roof during watch – it gave him a decent view from each direction.

"Sure did," Rick grumbled resting his hand on my thigh, rubbing through the tight jeans I had on. Things had been good between us since last week. I noticed that the others in the group were questioning him about his choices but I couldn't blame him. I could have told the others about the infection as soon as I found out but I didn't. There was no proof at first so there was no point in worrying them all.

As for Shane I didn't blame Rick for that either. At the end of the day Shane had planned to end Rick's life it wasn't my husband's fault that he managed to end things before Shane could. I also saw it as his was of protecting me and Carl. I don't think I'd want to live in a world where Shane thought he owned me. The idea sent a shiver over me as I thought of the thing the man would have done if he was in Rick's place right now.

"You're cold, go inside," my husband pestered moving his hand away from my leg, taking my left hand in his. The warmth from his fingers sent a small tingle through my hand and I tightened my grip on the gun in my right hand as he brought the other up to his lips.

"I don't want to go inside." I muttered trying to tug my hand from his.

"You haven't slept properly in the last week. You'll run yourself down." He stated sternly sliding his fingers up my arm until they rested on my neck. His fingers felt cold against my burning skin and pleasurable shiver ran down my spine.

"No one's slept properly in the last week Rick," I reminded him allowing the man to remember that our sleeping conditions hadn't been that great. We had spent every other night out in the woods sleeping, but tonight was the first time they had any walls around them.

"I haven't seen you sleep once since then." He stressed out and I could hear the concern in his voice. I rolled my eyes at his words and shifted slightly in my seat.

"I sleep in the car," I told him knowing that he had seen me catching up on sleep when we were in the car. I felt safer sleep while we were driving.

"A few hours in the car won't do it Fay," he was getting annoyed now but he couldn't tell me what to do.

"There's some cans of gas round back. I think they'll do for the cars until we come across some more," I announced trying to move the conversation away from me.

"Aylin please," it was the use of that name that had me turning to face him. He hadn't called me that in a while and I could hear the pleading in his tone. It was normally just Fay from most people now-a-days. It was easier than Faylin or Aylin and most of the time I didn't mind the use of the nickname. I could remember when I hated it and allowed only Nana to call me Fay but I suppose these guys were family now. They were the only people we had left in the world. I think I needed them more than I realised.

"I'm scared okay. I can't sleep at night when I'm afraid of something creeping up on us. I feel safer sleeping in the car. I can't deal with being out here unprotected. I don't like it Rick and it scares the hell out of me." I admitted looking him in the eye when I spoke. This is what he wanted. He wanted me to be honest with him and now I was.

"I know, god do I know." He whispered pressing his head to mine. "I don't like it either but your scaring Carl. He thinks your avoiding him. He thinks you're scared of him. The whole thing with Shane, he thinks you blame him."

"I could never blame him," I muttered pulling away from him, feeling angry that this man would accuse me for loving our son less because of what he did. "I love Carl!"

"I know you love Carl but the boy thinks you're ashamed of him. He thinks you don't love him. Every time he goes to sleep it's without his mom by his side." Rick told me trying to get me to see that I had been doing that to Carl.

"I'm a horrid mother aren't I?" I cried running my hand over my face, looking away from the man I loved. "I've been neglecting him."

"You're a wonderful mom, he knows that. Just – you need to snap out of this Fay. Carl needs you or he will keep sinking into this dark world surrounding him." Rick's words were true. I shouldn't have created this small gap between me and Carl. I should have known he would have thought it was something else. I was keeping him away from me so he couldn't see how scared I was but in his mind I was pushing him away because he thought I was ashamed of him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to him leaning into his side as he wrapped his arm around me. He pressed his lips against my head and I breathed in his smell. No matter what we went through I always had Rick with me. "I'll stop, I'll sleep more and I'll talk to Carl." I promised closing my eyes as I snuggled into his side, resting my head against his chest.

* * *

"Hey baby," I muttered pressing my lips lightly to Carl's head as I crouched down by the diner booth he had dropped down on. The seats were plush and a scarlet red and they looked wonderful to sleep on.

"Mom?" he questioned looking up at me with his sleep eyes. He looked so young in that moment but I knew he wasn't that five year old I met anymore.

"Come take a walk with me," I said softly taking his hand in mine and holding out his coat as we walked out of the diner. Rick was sat on the same bench as before and he smiled at us softly before looking back out into the distance. I pulled Carl off to the left, away from his dad and the diner.

"Should we be going this far away?" Carl asked and I could hear the worry in his voice.

"I have my gun and your daddy can see us." I assured him dropped my hand to the gun at my side as I stopped and looked down at him.

"You don't need to call him daddy anymore, I ain't a baby." Carl huffed and I knew he was right. He wasn't a baby anymore but he would always be my baby.

"Your right, I know but you're still my baby Carl," I told him running my hand over his hair, feeling slightly more than hurt when he pulled away from me. I clenched my teeth as the tears threatened to fall but I could tell the boy wanted to say something.

"If I'm still your baby then why have you been ignoring me?" he asked and I could hear the anger in his voice.

"I haven't been ignoring you,"

"Yes you have. Ever since dad told you about Shane you haven't even looked at me. Does it make you sick? Do I disgust you now?" he shouted and I could see the tears slipping down his cheeks.

"Oh no baby, no," I cried to him bringing him close to my chest even though he was fighting me. "I'm not disgusting in you and you definitely don't make me sick." I ran my fingers through his hair dropping my head so my lips were pressed in his hair.

"Why won't you look at me then?" his words were weak and I knew that the sobs were taking over now. I pulled away from him, dropping to the floor, cupping his face in my hands.

"It wasn't because of you sweetie. It was me. I was scared. I am scared. I'm afraid of everything out here and I don't know how to handle it. We thought we had somewhere safe to live and it turned out not to be true. Amy lost her sister. We lost Andrea, Patricia and Jimmy. I thought we could make a home there for you but it was just false hope." I told him wiping the tears from his cheeks as he sniffled at my words. "I was so worried for you when those walkers attacked and then you went missing. I couldn't find you anywhere and all I could think about was losing you and losing your dad. Then your dad told me that you shot Shane when he turned into a walker.

"I was so shocked because of what you had to do but I'm not ashamed that you did it. If you didn't your dad wouldn't be here and you might not -. I could never be ashamed of you. I love you so much and the thought of losing you it scared me. There was so much to deal with and it's been driving me crazy. It's not safe out here and I'm afraid I'm going to lose you. I've dealt with it all the wrong way haven't I? Me staying up all night, staying away from you when you needed me – that was me trying to make sure you were safe out here. I should have spent more time looking after you, caring for you, being a mom to you instead of staying on guard. I didn't realise what it was doing to you." I whispered holding his face softly in my hands so he couldn't pull away.

"I love you mom," he cried out pushing my hands away and dropping down into my arms, his face buried in my chest. I smiled at his words and held him close for a long time, resting my head on top of his.

"I love you as well baby," I told him pressing a kiss to his hair before pulling away. "We should go back before your dad gets worried."

"He's probably been watching us since we left," Carl said helping me to my feet, clutching onto my hand as we looked over to the diner. He was right, Rick was stood beside the bench, his eyes watching us as we slowly started to make our way back to him.

"Yeah, your dad's never been one to keep his guard down." I muttered rubbing my thumb over my boys hand as we walked back to our group. Our family.

* * *

"Where in the hell did you get that?" Maggie exclaimed looking at the long brown bar in my hand. I glanced down at it as well slightly unhappy that she had interrupted before I could place the glorious bar into my mouth.

"Oh you mean this?" I asked handing her a similar one in a dark purple wrapper. She screamed lightly snatching the bar from my hand, ripping the wrapper off and shoving the chocolate in her mouth.

"This is so good," she grumbled sighing in pleasure as she closed her eyes and swallowed the chocolate.

"Tell me about it," I groaned finally placing the chocolate in my mouth and sighing the same way Maggie did.

"So this is where you two disappeared to," Kelly said as she walked round the corner of the shelf followed by Amy and Beth. The three of them stopped when they saw that me and Maggie were in the middle of a chocolate orgasm. "Chocolate?" she asked looking hopeful at the thought of the sweet, irresistible, heavenly chocolate bar.

"We got more where that came from," I told her sliding the large box from under the shelf where I had found it. I watched as all three of their eyes grew wide before they dropped to the floor, making a makeshift circle as I handed them each a bar.

"Oh God," Beth cried out sucking lightly on the bar she had between her teeth.

"Daddy won't be happy your cussing," Maggie scolded her lightly but she had a teasing smile on her face as she took in the happiness on her sister's face.

"This is like heaven!" Amy exclaimed licking her fingers as the chocolate melted on them.

"I think it's better than sex," Kelly cried out running her finger along the wrapper and sucking off the melted chocolate left behind.

"I can't decide if I prefer this chocolate or sex with Rick," I sighed out looking at the large box of chocolates and then closing my eyes. I could hear the other girls giggling at my words. "I think it's got to be the chocolate,"

"Ugh no, I think you enjoy sex too much with Rick to even replace it with chocolate," Kelly muttered making me snap my eyes open as she threw another bar at me. Beth's cheeks were flushed red at our words but Amy and Maggie glanced at each other before bursting out with laughter. I smiled along with them and soon all five of us were in hysterics.

"This wasn't the only box of treats I found," I admitted after my laughter stopped and all four girls turned to look at me with wide eyes.

"What else is there?" Maggie asked and I could see how eager she was to know.

"I think they stored overflow under the shelves or something," I muttered leaning down and reading out all the boxes I could see under the shelves. "We have Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Razzles, Jelly Belly Jelly Beans, Grape Vines, Red Vines, Tic Tac's, Wrigleys Extra Gum, Baby Ruth Bars, Skittles, Hershey's Milk Chocolate Bars and a lot more."

"I can't believe no one noticed them," Maggie muttered before frowning and looking to me. "How did you find them?" she was curious to know and as I looked at the other three I knew they were as well. My face heated when I remembered how I discovered the boxes of treats.

"Well you see I was walking along and I tripped, crashed to the floor and fell in love." I told them feeling my cheeks burn as the four woman before me laughed. "Hey it was lucky I fell over or we wouldn't be able to indulge in these wonders."

"Oh Fay baby, you do make me laugh," Kelly cried out holding her stomach as she winked at me.

"Do you think Rick would mind if we took them with us?" Beth asked looking over at the boxes hidden under the shelf in wonder.

"Hey I'll make the man be happy about it." I assured her climbing to my feet and stretching. "I'm gonna go get us a cart, fill it with the boxes and somehow get them all in the car."

"I think Rick and Daryl found a new truck," Maggie called out as I walked away from them. I nodded at her words before rushing to the front of the store where I saw Carl talking to Hershel about something.

"You girls find anything good?" Hershel asked when I came into his view. His words had me lips lifting up in a huge smile as I nodded me head.

"Oh Hershel we hit the jackpot!" I exclaimed knowing that the one bar of chocolate I had was already raising my sugar levels.

"What did ya find?" Carl asked frowning at me as he watched me skip over to a cart abandoned by the side.

"Lots and lots of sweets and chocolate." I told him and watched his face light up in excitement.

"And that makes you all happy?" Hershel asked not understanding what had me so happy.

"Of course it does Hershel. You should never stand before a lady and her chocolate," I said to him giving him a wink before dashing off again to the girls. When I returned the girls had started pulling the boxes from under the shelves stacking them in the middle of the aisle ready to be loaded into the cart. "Should we look around the rest of the store and check under the shelves?" I asked once the last box had been loaded into the cart. There wasn't much room for anything else now. We had underestimated how many boxes there was but at least we would be eating something sweet to keep our sugar levels up now.

"Can't do no harm can it," Amy supplied leading the way down the aisle, her hand resting on the gun she had been given as we followed her.

* * *

I wish that the owner of this store was still alive so I could thank them for the way they stored their stock. We had found more boxes under the shelves like we had wanted to. We now had more rice, some big bags of pasta, soups, beans, lots of other tinned sustenance and we had even stumbled across UHT-milk. It would ran out within a few weeks but we would use it by then, but it was a nice thought that we would be having something like milk and chocolate again.

"Would you look at that!" we heard Daryl call out and I looked up to see him glancing over at us with wide eyes. He would never admit it but he was surprised that we had found more food than expected.

"Two carts full of food?" Glenn asked unsure if he was actually seeing what he thought he was. We had ended up getting another cart as there was no way we would be able to fit all boxes into one.

"One cart's full of sweets and chocolate," Maggie told him and I could hear Rick chuckling at theat.

"Hey we did find rice, pasta, more tinned food and even UHT-milk!" I shouted making sure that the men knew that we hadn't only brought back junk food.

"Where did ya find it all?" Daryl asked stepping forward to stop the cart from hitting the car as we joined them.

"Genius over here fell over and noticed that there was some boxes stored under the shelves." Kelly told him nodding her head over to me and I could feel my cheeks flushing again as everyone looked at me. "We decided to go through the store and check under all the shelves."

"That was a smart idea," Rick stated smiling at us as he nodded his head over to the new truck Maggie was talking about. "We can store all that in the bed."

"Yes boss," Maggie joked cheekily saluting him as she pushed one of the carts to the truck.

"I don't want to linger, we should head out once we're all sorted here." Rick called to everyone as Hershel and Carl joined us, Carl still eating the chocolate bar I had given him as we passed them on the way out of the store. "I'm sure there will be somewhere for us to set up camp round here."

* * *

After yesterday's achievement with the store our spirits were brought down slightly when we couldn't find anywhere to stay that night and we spent another night with a makeshift camp off the side of the road. It wasn't safe but the tents came in handy and allowed us to spread out for the night instead of staying cramped in the cars.

We had a meal of pasta and soup that night. Carol decided we all needed to be treated and made us each a bowl of pasta drowned in chicken soup. It felt wonderful to have a filling, hot meal in our bellies for once. It had been three weeks since the walkers over took the farm and we were all finding it hard to live like this after having the safe haven of the farm.

I knew Hershel missed it but at least he still had his girls with him. That was all that mattered to Hershel now. The safety of Beth and Maggie. And everyone else. He had something last night about us staying strong because we would make it through this together until we find somewhere to stay because we were a family.

We didn't linger at the roadside for long, had a quick breakfast of leftover soup and pasta before packing away the tents and climbing into the cars. T-Dog, Kelly and Amy had the truck to themselves now so it left more room in the other two cars. Daryl was still riding his bike but Carol had taken up passenger in the car with me, Rick and Carl. I had let her stay in the front, it would be better for her to be with Rick in case something happened. I wanted to stay close to Carl.

I was watching the trees go by, playing a never-ending game of 'I-Spy' with Carl when my stomach lurched. At first I ignored it, settling my hand over my jumping belly and looked back out the window, looking for Carl's object. The car went over a bump in the car and my stomach lurched again and I knew I wouldn't be able to keep it down this time.

"Pull over Rick!" I called to him, fumbling with the handle as I tried to get out the car.

"What?" he asked turning to glance at me but didn't get a reply as I opened the door and stepped out. I didn't even occur to me that the car was moving but I was thankful Rick had slowed down to glance back at me.

I was on my knees then but the pain didn't enter my mind as I let myself be sick. My eyes were stinging, and I was coughing non-stop but I was so happy that my stomach was settling. I sighed in relief when I stopped heaving and pushed myself up so I was resting on my legs. I felt exhausted now. I forgot how my being physically sick made you tired.

"Mom?" Carl asked sounding worried as he rushed to my side. I could hear other doors opening and knew then that the whole group had stopped.

"Fay?" Rick's hand settled on my lower back, rubbing softly like he would whenever I got sick in the past. I leant back into him, my eyes closed enjoying the cool breeze. "You feeling okay?"

"A little better," I whispered letting him wrap his arms around me, pulling me up from the floor.

"What made you sick?" he asked and I could hear the concern in his voice. I shrugged at him, sinking into his warmth as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"It was probably the food." Carol muttered running her hand over my arm in comfort and I rest against Rick. "We haven't been used to eating like that in a while. Her stomach's probably shrunk."

"We'll keep on light meals, let our bodies get used to food again but also prepare them in case we run out." Hershel muttered sounding much like a strategist in that moment. I smiled at that and buried my head closer to Rick chest.

"We should do smaller portions for food. Makes sure we save it for a longer time," Rick sighed and I knew he was blaming himself for this. He would be thinking that we should have done it from the beginning. "Let's get back on the road." He ordered helping me to the car, where I slide in and slumped in my seat. Carl joined me, resting his head on my shoulder, letting me wrap my arms around him as he snuggled closer. I sighed out then, feeling better but still tired and knew that I would be spending the rest of this trip asleep.

* * *

"You need to eat," Hershel ordered looking down at me sternly as he stood tall in the storage locker. We had been here for around four days now but it had taken us three weeks to find the place.

"I'm not hungry," I mumbled looking away from him as he held the small bowl of pasta out to me. I could hear him sigh as he dropped down so he was level with me now.

"You haven't ate properly for three weeks Fay. It's making you sick." His words were stern and I knew he was speaking like a doctor. Who would have thought this man was a vet and not a doctor? I wonder if he spoke to his animal patients like he was me. "You were sick the first week because your stomach was getting used to eating meals everyday again. These last two weeks you're been sick because you haven't been eating. Your stomach's being tormented and it's making you sick. You eat and then you stop. It won't get better until you stick to a regular pattern."

"Fine but I'm not hungry." I told him taking the bowl from him and slowly placing a piece of pasta in my mouth. The thought of eating it had my stomach twisting around and I wasn't sure if it was because I was hungry or because I was going to be sick.

"I may not be a doctor like you Fay but considering things I'm assigning myself your doctor." He announced giving me the same look he gave Maggie or Beth when they did something wrong. "You can be doctor for everyone else but I'll be doctor for you."

"Hershel has anyone ever told you that you can be annoying, stubborn and such a wonderful man?" I asked him sitting up a little as I ate more of the pasta. He was right, I should start eating more. It wasn't good for my body to start eating, stop, be sick and then not eat anymore. I'll probably run myself down.

"Not together they haven't," he grumbled patting my arm gently before standing and walking back over to Carol as she dished him up a bowl. I smiled slightly at them all before picking at the rest of my food.

"I see Hershel spoke some sense into you," Rick muttered dropping down by my side with a bowl of pasta for himself. I smiled at my husband, kissing him on the cheek lightly before finishing my food.

"The old man's so stubborn that we'd probably be fighting till we die," I joked resting my head against his shoulder as I looked over to Carl as he sat with Beth and Amy. The three of them were eating from their bowls but also playing a card game at the same time.

"You had me worried," he admitted and I felt bad for having him worry over me.

"I'm sorry," I sighed resting my hand on his knee as he ate. "I'm just so tired of being sick and it's making me feel drained."

"Start eating then," he wouldn't order me to eat but I wouldn't put it passed him. "You're running low of fuel. You're doing just as much around here as anyone else but you're not stocking up on food. You're gonna pass out from hunger soon."

"But I'm not even hungry." I told lifting my head from shoulder as I looked up at him. "I just feel sick all the time."

"Maybe it's because you're hungry?" he suggested before pushing up off the floor and pulling me up with him. "Daryl found a cabin out in the woods not too far from here. Said it's safe and big enough for us to hole up in for a few days while we go check out the surrounding area."

"I'm sure that will do us fine. Better than this place," I muttered referring to the dark, dingy storage locker we were staying in. We both knew it wasn't ideal but it gave us a place to hide out for a few days and there was no one around – human or walker. "I'm not sure how I feel about staying in a cabin out in the woods though. Almost every film I've watched it turns out bad."

"Yeah well we're already living in a horror film. A cabin in the woods is like a burning lighthouse during a storm."

"You have such a way with words," I teased pressing a long kiss to his lips before joining Carl, Amy and Beth as they started a new game of whatever it was they were playing.

"It's why you married me right?" he teased swatting my bum lightly as he walked over to Carol and helped her with the dishes. I couldn't help the smile as it grew on my lips as I looked away from the man I loved and down to our boy as he accused Amy of cheating.

We were alright at the moment but how long would that last? We had only been living in this world for one hundred and twenty-eight days. Our lives had only been like this for four and a half months and I didn't know how much longer we would be able to make it. I only had hope that we would be able to make it longer than a year, maybe six months. Hell I would be happy if we made it to the end of the week as long as we stayed together and fought till the end.


	16. Chapter 16

I could tell instantly that whatever Rick and Daryl had been looking for out there they had found it. If I was going by the large smiles plastered on their faces then I couldn't miss it. Like Rick had said Daryl had found a cabin in the woods and we had moved there to stay. It may have taken Daryl half a day walking through the forest but for all of us to get there with the cars it took a day.

We got to the cabin by nightfall and all settled down, everyone on alert for walkers. This place made us all feel uneasy. The last few times we stayed this close to a forest we were attacked twice. I don't think anyone was ready for that again.

"They look happy," Kelly muttered looking over to the two men as they made their way through the traps Daryl had set up around the cabin. I nodded my head at her words and wondered what the two of them found.

"They look like two lads on the pull that got lucky," Amy input and I chuckled at her words.

"Trust me, Rick hasn't been getting any." I told her glancing over to my husband and he followed the hunter over to us.

"You could always change that," Beth mumbled under her breath, flushing as soon as our eyes settled on her. I couldn't actually believe she had said something like that. Her words had me, Kelly and Amy bursting out with laughter while Maggie looked at her sister with her mouth hanging open. "I'm so sorry,"

"Oh God Beth, please," I cried out noting the way Rick looked over to us with confusion on his face. "I think spending eight days in this place is making us go crazy." I murmured to her, resting my hand on her arm so she didn't think I was offended by her words.

"Talking about that," Rick started hearing my last words as the two men joined us. He looked over to Daryl and it was the first time I had seen him looking so happy – actually I don't think I had seen him happy unless he had a drink. "We found a housing development not too far to the west. We must have missed the turn off when we came from the storage lockers."

"And it's safe to move?" Maggie asked, her hand resting lightly on the axe beside her. We had decided to have guns and other more quiet weapons with us while out here. Not many walkers had stumbled out way since we arrived here. Only six walkers within eight days.

"We checked it out. There doesn't seem to be any danger near and it'll give us a sense of normalcy while we search the area. I want us to be somewhere that can give us shelter during the winter." Rick answered looking over to Daryl as the man nodded along with his words.

"Seen a few deer as well," the hunter grunted and I knew that it pleased him. Daryl hadn't had any luck with hunting for a few days and I knew he hated it.

"Well I suppose we should tell the others then," I mused standing from the rock I had been perched on and headed inside the dim cabin.

It was an alright size but it definitely wasn't made for twelve people. It was all open plan aside from the small bathroom in the corner. There was a camp bed in one corner and a beaten sofa against the window. There wasn't much in here but we were all thankful for the fire pit in the middle of the room as it allowed us to heat up the room to fight off the cold. It had been getting colder now as well as we reached the middle of October.

Kelly had been marking off days as usual, tending to tell everyone what the date was in the morning. She didn't normally mention the day of the outbreak unless someone asked.

"Are they back?" Carol asked looking up from the pillow she was stitching. We had been giving Carol and Amy a few lessons in nursing. Kelly thought it would be useful in case me and Hershel weren't around and she couldn't do it all by herself. Maggie and Beth had picked up on stuff over the years but I knew they were listening and watching as we taught Carol.

"Yep and they returned with good news." I told her walking over to the sofa, dropping down next to Carl as the boy tapped his fingers on the arm of the sofa. I knew he was bored but there wasn't much we could do for him.

"Good news?" Hershel asked sitting up on the bed and looking over to the door as the others joined us. We had all given Hershel the bed as he was the oldest and deserved it more. He argued of course but none of us were having it.

"Found a housing development," Rick announced and I could still see the happiness on his face. "It will take about an hour to get to once we get out of here but I think we should head over there."

"Is it safe?" Carol asked setting down the pillow as she looked up at my husband.

"We checked but it wouldn't harm to do it again," Daryl answered her biting into one of the chocolate bars we had rescued three weeks ago at the store. I was actually surprised that we still had some left but we had hardly touched the sweet boxes. They were good to pick up energy or to snack on but there were so many of them I think it will take a while to get rid of them.

"We leaving now?" Hershel asked standing from the bed and grabbing the bag he had brought in. We all took to carrying our own bags now. We always had them on us in case we ended up divided apart. Each bag held two changes of clothes, a few bottles of water, a supply of food – a few cans and a selection of sweets – and a small medical kit containing band aids, bandages and some pain medicine as well as rubbing alcohol.

"I'd like to get there before sundown," Rick replied grabbing his bag from the floor and help Carl up off the sofa. "It's best if we pick one house and check the others." We all nodded at his words before sorting out the cabin. Carol put out the fire and shoved anything we had brought out from the cars with us before glancing around to make sure we had everything.

We were soon ushered into the cars and setting out for our new 'home'. I had a feeling that this would feel safer than the cabin, it will allow us to have more room but I never felt comfortable being in places like that anymore. I always felt like they would be easy targets for other survivors or the walkers would be drawn towards the area. I just hope it was what Rick and Daryl had said it was. We needed a place like that to stay. Somewhere with beds and a resemblance of a real home. Not just for Carl but for all of us.

* * *

I think I forgot what it felt like to lie on a bed. Sleeping on a camp bed was different from an actual mattress. The house we picked had three bedrooms, two and a half bathrooms, an office, kitchen/diner and large living area. Rick and I had been given the master bedroom – we fought Hershel for almost half an hour before the man wandered off and took the twin bedroom with his girls.

It seemed we had no choice in the matter then. Hershel, Beth and Maggie were sharing the twin bedroom down the hall. Hershel had one bed to himself while the two girls said they would share. Carol, Amy and Kelly were taking the other room we all assumed to be a guest room ad it held the only other double bed in the house. Daryl, Glenn and T-Dog were left to the living room.

Carl was going to share the master bedroom with me and Rick but then he stumbled across the office upstairs and found a fold up bed balanced against the wall. He was adamant about staying in there and we only gave in when Amy said she'd stay with him.

The other good thing about this place was that the water was working. Hershel said that the houses must have had separate water boilers that were run by the solar power source – turns out that these houses were going to be run of sustainable energy but it was only the warm water that was working.

"Did you have a shower?" I asked the boy as he stood by the doorway next to Amy as they looked in at me. I was lounging on the bed wrapped in a pair of yoga pants and one of Rick's shirts. The boy rolled his eyes at me nodding his head before giving me a soft smile. "Are you both heading to bed?"

"Amy found a board game so we're going to play a game before we sleep," Carl replied looking to the blonde standing behind him before shooting me a smile and dashing back to 'his' room.

"You can send him to bed if he's annoying you," I told the blonde pushing up off the bed slightly to look over at her. She only smiled before shaking her head.

"Na, its fine. I think he's a bit excited to be in a comfortable home again." She muttered giving me a soft smile before glancing over to the joining bathroom when she heard the shower shut off. "I'll leave you and the husband alone now," she added wiggling her eyebrows at me as she shut the door.

The bathroom door opened just as Amy's hand let go of the handle and I turned to face my husband but lost my breath when I saw that he was only wearing the white towel around his hips. He was still wet, the water running down his chest until it stopped at the knotted towel and I felt flustered all of a sudden.

It had been a long time since we had been intimate. It had been about seven weeks, the last time being the night before Glenn told us about the walkers in the barn. After everything that happened at the farm we were a bit distracted. And then we had been wandering around looking for safe places to stay for the last six weeks that we never found the time.

We were still intimate in other ways and I could always guarantee that by the end of the evening no matter where we were I would be in Rick's arms. I think the man liked to assure himself that I was still there with him as his hands would always find themselves on some part of my body during the day. It could have been his hand resting on the small of my back, his hand in mine or him brushing my hair from my face but he would always find an excuse to touch me. Not that I was complaining. If no one else was around and we didn't have to watch out for walkers all the time I would have jumped him on more than one occasion.

He stopped in front of the bed, grabbing the boxers he had left on his side before he went into the bathroom. I was hoping he would leave them off but if I got a free show I wouldn't complain. He tugged the towel away and I couldn't help but sigh as he slipped on his boxers without glancing my way. His hands grabbed the white towel and he slowly dabbed away the water running over his chest as his eyes looked over the bed. I found his frown adorable and giggled when his eyes shot to me.

"Can I have my shirt?" he asked a small smile flirting across his lips. I sat up and glanced down at the light blue shirt I had pulled on.

"What this?" I breathed out tugging the shirt lightly as I looked at him a smile on my lips.

"Well it is my shirt," he replied leaning down, pushing me down onto the bed as he rested over me.

"You can have it back but that'll leave me topless." I told him smiling as his lips pressed against my neck as he pressed his body to mine quickly at my words. It seemed he had missed being intimate as well if I was going by how please he was in that moment.

"I think I could live with that," he grumbled sliding his hand under the shirt, dragging both his hand and the shirt up until they shirt was off and thrown to the floor. His lips brushed against the hollow of my neck before his tongue traced a line down my chest and he took one of my nipples into his mouth. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as I clasped onto the growing curls in his hair as I silently screamed out in ecstasy.

* * *

I never thought there would be a time in my life when I would be out in the wild learning to hunt. Especially during a time when the world had ended and there was a constant threat of being eaten by the rising dead.

It had taken me around one hundred and thirty-nine days to convince Daryl Dixon to take me out with him. Actually it had only been one hundred and thirty-nine since I knew the man but it sure felt longer than that. I suppose the ending of the world and the rising dead could make it feel longer. We were living like the medieval lot now, no electricity – well not much of it.

"I don't think we'll find anything," Daryl muttered standing from the floor where he had been looking for tracks of some sort. I shivered slightly as a brush of wind blew over us and nodded at his words.

We had been out since morning broke, travelled quite far, further than I thought we would but we were both fine with that. We both had our packs, a gun and Daryl had his crossbow and I had one of his hunting knifes.

"Should we head back then?" I asked looking around the woods always in high alert. With just us two out here we had to be careful. We didn't want to run into a herd and not be able to make it back to the others. We both knew that Rick would come out looking if we weren't back by nightfall.

"Yeah, ain't no point lingering," he grumbled throwing his crossbow over his shoulder as he followed out tracks back the way we came. "Should take us 'bout four hours."

"We gonna spend it in silence as well?" I wondered not wanting to waste another four hours not being able to talk. It was like a nightmare. I knew we had to be quiet because he was hunting but it drove me crazy just listening to my own thoughts.

"Nah, I'll let you open your-"

At first I wasn't even aware that I had face planted the floor until a spasm went through my lower stomach and I rolled onto my back. I didn't even trip that time so I don't know how I ended up on the floor. Daryl looked down at me, a smile on his face as he raised his eyebrows in a questioning way.

"Yah alright?" he asked crouching down to help me up. As he pulled me up a sudden cramping went through my stomach and I leant forward to ward off the pain. "What's wrong?" If I wasn't mistaken I swear I heard concern in Daryl's voice then.

"Nothing, just cramps," I assured him waving him off as he pulled me to my feet. I leant forward when another one shot through me, resting my hands on my knees as I took in a deep breath. It was in that moment I found the purpose of my fall. A small white ball sticking up from the ground. I bent down, plucking it in my fingers and handed it off to Daryl.

"A golf ball?" he asked sounding amused that I had tripped over such a small thing.

"There must be a course round here somewhere," I muttered leaning back against the tree and watched as Daryl snapped his head in each direction trying to find the said course. My eyes settled on a green marking on a tree not too far away and it took me a while to realise that it was an arrow pointing in the direction we had been going towards. "That way Daryl," I told him pointing over to the tree. He shoot off towards the sign not bothering to speak to me as he rushed off. "Yeah I'll umm, I'll stay here!" I called to him knowing he wouldn't answer me back.

It was quite peaceful out here and I knew why Daryl enjoyed being out in the woods so much. There was a sense of a different world out here. It didn't make you feel like the world had come to an end and the dead were trying to eat you. Instead it made everything slowdown in time. It gave you a chance to actually look at the world around you and take everything in, like we should have before the world ended.

"Nice golf course just at the edge of the tress," Daryl announced his presence with his words before he came into sight and I jumped slightly when his voice travelled to me without seeing him. "Think there will be a club house up there as well, should go check it out."

"We won't have time today," I told him pushing off of the tree, ignoring the slightly twinges as I followed behind Daryl as he lead the way back to the others. "We can all go tomorrow or something,"

"Yeah I suppose." He muttered before looking behind at me and smiling. "We gonna tell them how we knew it was there?"

"Of course not," I mumbled flushing slightly at his words. We didn't need people to know that I had fallen over again. "We'll tell them we reached the edge of the tree line and saw the course."

"Whatever ya say little sister."

* * *

Everyone had just sat down for dinner when we came back. Rick was on his feet instantly when we walked through the back door. It had been decided that we would use the back door instead of the front. All three cars and Daryl's bike were parked in the back yard, hidden in case someone came and saw them. It was safer for us at the end of the day.

"What took you so long?" Rick asked when we dropped our bags to the floor and dropped into any spare seats. I rolled my eyes at him and looked over to Daryl taking in the way we already started on the bowl of food in front of him.

"A four hour walk there and back does take some time." I told my husband giving Carl a smile as he dropped into the seat beside me.

"You were gone longer than eight hours," he muttered leaning on the back of my chair just as Carol placed a bowl of soup in front of me.

"Yeah well someone had to stop every five minutes to piss," Daryl grunted glancing over to me before picking up his bowl and downing it like it was a shot.

"Hey! I think I've got a water infection," I shouted at the hunter as he threw a mock glance over to me. "I can't control my pee."

"Mom you're disgusting," Carl muttered pushing away from me, going to sit next to Hershel at the other end of the a table.

"You taken any antibiotics for it?" Hershel asked leaning forward on the table slightly being careful not to get any soup on him.

"Nah, just been drink a good amount of water," I told him ignoring the stern look he was giving me. I didn't want to waste any medicine on a small water infection when it would just pass if I drunk enough.

"Might be why you pissed so much," Daryl snorted giving me a look as he leant back in his chair. I rolled my eyes at him before glancing around at everyone else.

"Can we stop talking about my bladder and think more about the news me and Daryl have." I moaned resting my spoon in the bowl as I glanced at the hunter.

"You finally decided Rick wasn't what you wanted and ran off with Daryl," Kelly suggested a smile appearing on her face as she looked to me. I winked at her and sighed in defeat.

"Yep, we decided we couldn't lie to any of ya anymore." I announced feeling the smile on my lips as I spoke. Daryl snorted out as Rick poked me in the side lightly, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "No, we think we found a new place."

"New place?" Rick questioned taking the seat that Carl was in a few minutes ago. His hand rested on my knee under the table and I smiled slightly at the heat of his palm as it sank through my jeans.

"Came across a golf course," Daryl told him resting his arms on the table, leaning forward so his chin was resting on them. Kelly dropped down in the seat next to him, a bowl of soup for herself and I didn't miss the way his eyes darted to her before looking back to Rick.

"A golf course?" T-Dog asked leaning against the kitchen counter, Carol at his side as she held a bowl of soup.

"Well yeah," I looked around at the group and knew that half of them didn't know what to think. "I think it might be safer there than it is here. Have any of you been to a golf course before?" most of them shook their heads but I could see Kelly nodding along with me. "If we stay at the club house we'll have a lot of grounds to ourselves. They set the club house in the middle of the course so if anything's coming our way in any direction we'll know and be able to get out of there. Plus I think it will be better than this place for winter."

"How do ya know that?" T-Dog asked looking at me in confusion, making me chuckle lightly as I glanced to Kelly.

"We may have gone to one of those golf weekends a few years back," I told them and I could already see the smiles on Glenn and Maggie's faces.

"What you and Rick?" Glenn asked looking to my husband before chuckling.

"No me and Kelly,"

"I was gonna say I couldn't picture him playing golf," Glenn chuckled dipping his head down as his face turned red with laughter.

"You two played golf?" Amy asked looking between us in wonder. Kelly couldn't keep her laughter in at Amy's words as she sounded like a hyena choking.

"Got themselves arrested," Rick told her and I could not only see the shock on everyone's faces but also feel it radiating off of them.

"You got arrested?" Glenn asked sounding so shocked at the news. Of course Glenn thought the two of us were good because we were a doctor and nurse. Actually we were good it was just a misunderstanding.

"Yeah but it was Fay's fault," Kelly declared pointing over to me as everyone waited for an answer. I rolled my eyes at her and leant back in my chair.

"It was a misunderstanding!" I yelled out when everyone looked to me.

"You punched a man in the face and threatened to rip his balls off!" Kelly called back laughing lightly as she spoke.

"You did what?" Maggie asked eyes wide as she leant forward to look at me.

"He shouldn't have smacked my arse and suggested we go back to his room!" I told her feeling slightly angry like I did in that moment a few years back. "I was an engaged woman, he saw the ring. Suggested that I left Rick because I didn't look like a satisfied woman."

"Could have never felt more proud when I got the call," Rick expressed to them chuckling as Hershel looked over to me his brows furrowed.

"I would have done the same thing," Amy muttered getting up from the table, collecting the bowls as she went. I nodded along with her before pushing back in my chair and standing.

"If you all don't mind I'm gonna jump in the shower," I sighed thinking about the warm water running over my body.

"We'll leave for the golf club tomorrow then," Rick suggested getting a collection of nods from everyone around the table. I smiled at everyone before rushing up the stairs and into the master bathroom.

* * *

"Hershel, you Amy, Kelly, Beth and Carl should stay out here," Rick told them as we climbed out of the cars that we had parked just outside the club house. "Beep the horn twice if anyone comes. We'll come running."

"How we gonna do this?" Daryl asked tucking his gun into his belt before lifting his crossbow. He was looking to Rick as we approached the doors.

"We take the lobby together and then split off into groups of we see fit," he suggested taking hold of the door handle and pulling down. "Locked,"

"We could smash it?" T-Dog supplied but Rick shook his head. It would draw attention.

"How about unlocking the door," I announced feeling all their eyes on me at my suggestion.

"How we gonna do that?" Daryl asked and I had the feeling he was calling me stupid. I nodded over to the dead walker by the side of the entrance.

"I'm pretty sure those keys on his belt belong to this place." I muttered pointing to the bunch of keys around his belt. Rick smiled at my words and dashed over to the walker, taking the keys from his belt.

After that it took seconds for us to enter the lobby where we were met by silence. Rick and Daryl went in first, me and Maggie following and T-Dog and Glenn taking up the rear. Carol was standing by the door making sure that we had all entered safely before closing the door gentle and following. There were no signs of walkers down here which had me on edge slightly.

"You three stay here," Rick muttered nodding to me, Maggie and Carol. "T-Dog, Glenn you two take the ladies, we'll take the men's." He ordered and the four of them wandered off to the separate changing rooms.

"It's a little too quiet in here," Maggie muttered making sure to stand in the middle of the room so her eyes were on everything.

"I agree," Carol agreed holding the rifle close to her as she glanced around.

"Actually if we think about it, it would make sense." I mumbled looking around the place as the men joined us shaking their heads.

"How does it make sense?" Carol asked looking to me as the four men huddled around with curious eyes.

"Well when you heard about the outbreak what were you doing?"

"Packing everything we had so we could get out of town," she replied and I nodded to her words.

"I don't think anyone would be rushing to play a game of golf with that news." I looked back out the window and to the guard slumped on the floor. "I think they all rushed out of this place to get home and he was locking up."

"How'd he turn then?" Daryl asked dropping his crossbow so it was resting against his leg.

"He wasn't bit," Rick added as he glanced between us all. "I checked when I grabbed the keys."

"He must have had a heart attack from the panic. He's quiet old, might have had a heart condition and all the stress could have gotten to him." I suggested knowing that it was quiet common for people the guard's age to die of a heart attack when stressed.

"So you don't think there's anyone here?" T asked looking around the lobby as he spoke.

"We can't be too careful but I don't think there is." I muttered answer his question as I held the axe tightly in my hands.

"We'll go upstairs, clear that out." Rick grunted stepping to the steps as we all followed. "Fay could be right but I want to be sure."

* * *

I had been right about the club house. It was clear. There were no walkers besides the guard outside and that made us feel slightly relieved. We had ushered the others in quickly, but before we locked the doors Rick, Daryl, Glenn and T-Dog pulled the cars round back so they would be hidden from the entrance of the club. If anyone was to come in like we had they wouldn't see our cars.

The club house was bigger than we originally thought when we searched the place earlier. It was one of those small hotel club houses. There was a large kitchen and then a diner lounge next to it while on the other side was a small sports bar and then a small lobby like area between the bar and diner. Coming off the hallway of the small lobby was a collection of doors which lead to six bedrooms.

The six bedrooms in the club house must have been for the older players or visitors. Daryl had spotted about twelve log cabins from the balcony not too far from the club. Maggie then found out that most of the members had been local but they supplied places for competitors to stay during competition. And she got all of that off of one of the club's leaflets.

There was two bedrooms with double beds and the other four had twin beds in each – they were quite big beds as well. At first there was a slight disagreement over who would get what room but Hershel said that he would take one of the twin rooms and share but he wanted Beth to stay with a girl as he wanted her to have her space.

In the end me and Rick ended up with one of the double rooms and Glenn and Maggie had the other. Since we were the two couples there Carol said it made sense. I swear I saw Kelly and Daryl exchange a look after she said that. Were they hiding something from us? Hershel took one of the twin rooms with T-Dog, while Amy and Beth took another. The last two rooms I was going to suggest splitting boy/girl but when Daryl followed Kelly into one with his stuff no one said anything. Did everyone else think the same thing as me then? Carol and Carl ended up with the other twin room, neither of them kicking up a fuss to be sharing.

When I entered our room I naturally went to turn the light switch on and was actually surprised when the room lit up with an orange light.

"We have power," I muttered under my breath looking over to my husband as he smiled at me softly. "We have power!" I exclaimed jumping on the spot quickly before dashing into the hallway. "We have power!" I shouted out knowing that they would all hear me. I could hear the giggles and laughed coming from everyone else and knew that this place had already brightened us all up.

It had been a long time since we had any sort of power since the farm. Sure we had running and warm water at the housing development but this was different. We would be able to use the kitchen, even put on a film (it may have seem a waste of power but it was a comfort).

"It's run off solar panels," Glenn muttered knocking on the door as he spoke. I glanced over to the Korean man and smiled at him. "It says so on the leaflet Maggie found." He held up said leaflet before smiling over at us. "These solar panels take in energy even when it's cloudy. There's an electric grid under the club where the powers stored but it doesn't run out of power. This place has had power since the outbreak and no one's stumbled across it. I think we're lucky."

"I told you there was a place out there for us Glenn," Rick muttered to the man, clapping him on the shoulder as the two left the room. Glenn was right though, we were lucky to stumble across this place. Hopefully we would be able to stay here longer than a week. It would be nice for us to hold up here during the winter.

* * *

I always said I never believed in love at first sight but then I was proven wrong. The kitchen in this place had to be what a housewife wished for. I was not a housewife but I instantly fell in love with the silver counters and big oven.

"The power kept the fridge and freezer working," Carol muttered opening the freezer and smiling at the fully stocked walk in freezer. I glanced over to the fridge wonder if it wold smell bad if I opened it.

"I'm not sure the stuff in the fridge will be in date." I said to her pointing at the metal slide door.

"These places buy those industrial sized boxes or tins, I think they last around nine months so we should be in luck with some or their stuff." Carol supplied sliding the door open and stepping in. I couldn't smell anything bad so I was taking that as a good sign. "There isn't much in here, but the stuff in here still has about four months left in date."

"I think we've lucky to have found this place like Glenn said," I mumbled walking out of the fridge and over to the door that said Pantry. I was expecting a set of shelves not a walk in pantry with fully stocked shelves. "I think we hit the jackpot Carol," I called to her, feeling her walk up behind me at my words.

"I want to make us something nice for dinner tonight," she sighed and I knew she couldn't wait to get her hands working around the kitchen.

"Hey don't go telling them we got all this food," I called to her following her out as she looked around the kitchen at everything. "We'll make it a surprise. I'm pretty sure I saw some steaks in the freezer – we'll leave them out and they'll be ready to cook for tonight. We can have steak, fries and a desert of ice-cream."

"You're sounding real happy about that,"

"I haven't had a good piece of meat in a long time," I told her thinking of the juicy steak we'd be having for dinner tonight. My stomach grumbled along with my thoughts and I patted it gentle as Carol laughed.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Rick asked coming up behind me as I licked my finger again. His hand wrapped around my hips, pulling my body back so it was resting against his chest as he dipped his head down to place a kiss on my neck.

"Making a chocolate cake," I told him pouring the chocolate cake mix into the cake tin. It looked so good like that, it was tempting to eat it raw. I shimmied out of Rick's embrace and quickly placed the cake in the oven before going back to the bowl and wiping my finger around the bowl to get the remaining mix.

"I can see that, but it's four in the morning." He muttered leaning back against the counter as he watched me.

"I was hungry," I shrugged, dropping the bowl into the sink, washing the mess away before setting it down on the dryer.

"And a quick snack wouldn't do?"

"Well I did eat the left over pie but I was still hungry so I made a peanut butter sandwich." I told him pulling myself up onto the counter as I looked over to him.

"And you still made a cake?" he asked a small frown on his face. I nodded at him my eyes almost rolling to the back of my head at the thought of the chocolate cake.

"It was calling to me when I saw the coco powder in the pantry." I explained rolling my neck and shifting slightly as my lower back started to ache.

"Daryl told me he found you making a sandwich the same time yesterday morning," Rick muttered and I shrugged at his words. Was it my fault I was getting hungry at night?

"Did I have to ask your permission to eat?" I asked frowning at the thought.

"No, of course not but we're trying to ration the food here." He said gentle but I could help but feel like he was somehow calling me fat.

"I don't think one sandwich was going to make a difference Rick." I muttered feeling myself getting upset over his words. "We've been here sixteen days and the food doesn't look like it's been touched." I told him biting my lower lip as I looked over to him. He still had a frown on his face but he knew I was telling the truth. In the two weeks since we had been here we had been rationing the food so it didn't look like anything had been touched. And there had been no sightings of walkers either. "Plus it's my birthday," I called out taking in the small smile that filtered across his face at my words.

"It is? I was pretty sure we still had a couple of days," he said slowly as he made his way over to me. He pushed my legs apart slightly, stepping between them as he rested his hands on either side of my hips.

"Nope, Kelly's been counting the days since the outbreak – today is definitely my birthday." I assured him pressing my lips to his lightly before pulling back. "Did you get me anything?" I asked glaring at him lightly as he shrugged and pushed his lips to mine again.

"Are ya pigging out in here again?" Daryl's familiar drawl asked as he entered the kitchen glancing over to us before rolling his eyes.

"She's making a cake," Rick told him, pulling away as he turned to face the hunter. Daryl's eyebrows rose at Rick's words before he shot me a look.

"At four in the morning?" he questioned and I knew he wouldn't understand.

"I was hungry," I muttered pushing my lower lip out as the two men looked at me.

"Couldn't you have a snack?" the hunter asked as if it was obvious that normal people did that.

"She had the leftover pie and a sandwich." Rick answered him sending me a small smile as the hunter shock his head in disbelief.

"And you still made a cake?" he sounded like Rick then and I wondered if he had heard my husband's words as they were the same.

"I wanted something sweet and chocolatey," I stressed out jumping down form the counter as the buzzer went off. I hadn't realised that twenty-five minutes had already passed by.

"You'll get fat!" Daryl shouted as he left the kitchen with a glass of water in his hand. I hissed in his direction as I pulled the cake from the oven, turn the said oven off and set the cake on the side. Without waiting for it to cool, I grabbed a knife and cut a slice from the tin, biting into it with a sigh. It was hot but it was also so moist that I felt like I was in heaven. Within seconds I had finished the slice and was about to cut another when Rick's hands took the knife from me.

"I think you can wait for another slice," he whispered pressing his lips to my neck as he pulled me away from the counter and the delicious cake.

"But it's so good," I whined through the mouthful I was chewing on. "You need to cover it," I cried out as he pulled me further away from heaven. Rick sighed before placing a netted cake-cover over the cake.

"Let's go back to bed," he sighed walking behind me so he was sure I would actually join him.

"I'd rather eat cake," I grumbled as his hands dropped to my hips as he guided me through the dim dining room over to the lobby. His chuckle vibrated along my back as his chest pressed into my body and I couldn't help the shiver that ran through me as a different sort of hunger washed through me.


	17. Chapter 17

"Mom are you alright?" Carl asked as he watched me from the opposite couch. I glanced over to him before looking away again.

"I'm fine," I assured him glancing down at the book in my hand before flashing my eyes to the hunter again.

"Why do you keep in glaring at Daryl then?"

"I'm not glaring at him!" I muttered to Carl as I shot another look at Daryl.

"I've been watching you," Carl paused before sighing and sitting forward as he glanced behind him to the hunter. "Do you not like Daryl?"

"Of course I like Daryl," I stated flipping the page of the book over. I wasn't really reading the book. I couldn't help but feel Daryl's eyes on me every few seconds so my concentration wasn't that good.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah baby I'm sure," I told him sighing as I pushed myself off the couch, running my fingers through his hair before walking out to the balcony where Daryl stood on guard. "Carl's under the impression that I don't like you." I muttered to the hunter as I looked out at the surrounding area happy that it was so quiet out here. A light sheet of snow had started to fall on the night of my birthday. For three days now there had been a light sheet of snow falling. It had been the first time in years that it had snowed that early into winter. Normally the snow didn't start to fall until the last week in November.

"Cause you keep glaring at me," he grunted and I rolled my eyes at his words. I think Carl was spending too much time with him.

"Why do you keep looking at me Daryl? I can feel your eyes on me every few seconds." I mumbled to the man crossing my arms over my chest as a shiver ran down my back. I should have worn a coat but I was hoping that this jumper could do.

"I'm just making sure ya okay,"

"I've told you before that I'm not a baby," I hissed at him resting my back against the balcony door as I glared over at him.

"I know," he muttered glancing out and away from me. The man really didn't like to keep eye contact.

"When will Rick be back?" I asked trying to change the subject. Rick, Glenn, Maggie, T-Dog and Carol had gone out on a run for clothing. We were fine for food and water but clothing was a big need. They were going back to the store, the housing development and the storage lockers to look for winter clothing. We hadn't found much since leaving the farm and we hadn't searched in those places when we were there.

"I'll give them a few days. Lot of ground to cover," he replied holding the rifle in his hands tightly as he watched the entrance of the club house. "They'll be fine,"

I had never really thought of Daryl as a man that would try and comfort someone but it seemed he was trying his best with me. The man could do no real harm and he seemed to have some sort of soft spot for me. Maybe it's because I was Kelly's best friend. There was something definitely going on between the two and I wasn't the only one to notice it.

"I think I'm going to take a nap," I muttered to him as I stifled a yawn and stretched my arms above my head. Daryl's eyes followed my movements before they settled on my stomach.

"You're getting fat," he grunted nodding his head towards my stomach when I glared at him.

"I don't know how Kelly kisses you with that mouth!" I snapped at him before opening the door and slamming it behind me.

"She don't!" he called to me but I ignored him as I made my way as far from him as I could.

"Man has no tact," I hissed storming out of the small lobby and to my room. "I'm not getting fat," I huffed dropping into the bed and pulling the covers over my head as I settled into a sleep.

* * *

_"Rick! Rick please stop!" I yelled to him as he tugged hold of Carl's arm and pulled him away from me._

_"You need to hurry Fay!" he snapped back sending me a glare as he tugged out son ahead of him. I knew he was blaming me for this. He no doubt saw it as my fault that we had lost Hershel, Carol and T-Dog._

_"I can't go any faster!" I shouted back at him felling the anger burn within me. He spun around then giving Amy a look that told her to stay with Carl as he stopped before me. His eyes dropped to the bulge sticking out of my stomach and I saw the disgust there._

_"You should have got rid of the baby then! You've put everyone at risk! Hershel's dead. Carol's dead. T-Dog's dead! Why? Because you wanted to keep that thing! I hope you understand what your actions have done!" I could feel the anger radiating off of him and I had never felt more scared of my husband than in that moment. "You only thought about yourself Faylin! I didn't want the baby. No one did. Do you really think we'd be able to survive with a baby? Every cry will alert the walkers and we'll soon be dead! I should have left you out there alone. Hershel and the others would be alive!"_

_"This is your child just as much as it's mine!" I spat at him resting my hand on my swelling stomach. "You made this happen just as much as me!"_

_"It was stupid and we should have never let that happen! I need to think about my son now!"_

_"Our son!" I snapped at him glancing over to Carl where he stood clutching onto Amy's arm. He was glaring at me as well and I couldn't help but feel like he was blaming me like Rick._

_"No Faylin, he's my son." Rick snapped and I stepped away from him at the shock of his words. He had never spoken to me like that before. Carl was my son, not by blood but he was my son._

_"You don't mean that," I whispered feeling the tears run down my cheeks as my husband looked at me emotionlessly._

_"I do and I should have never let you had the chance to let the baby grow. I should have forced you to take those pills."_

_"This isn't you Rick!"_

_"Of course it's me you stupid woman," he stepped forward then and grabbed hold of my arm, dragging me towards the rest of the group. "You put the group at risk!" his fingers dug into my arm, it was so painful that I cried out, pulling away from him._

_His fingers let me go and I dropped to the floor landing on my stomach. I felt the pain wash through me then and cried out in agony as white dots clouded my vision._

_"She's bleeding Rick," Beth whispered stepping towards my husband as she looked down at me. I glanced down and saw that my jeans had turned dark with the red blood. I knew what it meant. That much blood was never good. Especially down there with a pregnant woman. "She's losing the baby."_

_"Good!" he spat before coming to my side as grabbing onto my shoulder tightly. "We need to move so get to your feet now or I'll leave you behind,"_

_I stumbled to my feet quickly, crying out as pain shot around my stomach. Beth glanced at me quickly before taking my hand carefully in her own and helping me walk along with the others. Even after everything she's been through she couldn't help but be a sweetheart._

_The sobs wrecked through me lightly as we continued walking along. Soon we had reached the cars and Rick ushered everyone in before he sped off away from the walkers that followed behind us. He was right really, it was my fault that Hershel, Carol and T-Dog died. They had been protecting me when I got surrounded by walkers. I was too slow and I couldn't keep up._

_A small nudge against my hand as it rested on my stomach had my eyes shooting down to the bump. It couldn't be moving. It was dead. A sharp pain scraped against my insides and I screamed out in pain. I knew what was happening. The baby had turned into one of them inside me and it was trying to get out._

_"It turned," Beth whispered glancing over to Rick in the front as she clasped hold of my hand. My back pushed up against the back of the seat as the pain ripped through me. This hurt so much more than losing the baby. "We need to stop it Rick!"_

_"I don't care," he grunted turning his eyes back onto the road. This was my husband. How could he care so little for me? Did I not mean anything to him now?_

_"That's your wife!" Beth snapped at him obviously feeling the same way._

_"Cut it out of her then!" he hissed holding his hand back with a knife not bothering to take his eyes of the road. Beth hesitantly took the knife from him with a shaky hand before glancing down to me._

_"I'm so sorry," she whispered before sticking the knife into me without another thought. A searing white pain shot through me and I could feel her cutting into me before a white light covered my mind._

* * *

I couldn't breathe. My chest was pounding and it felt like my lungs were collapsing in on me. I lifted my hand until it settled on my chest and I was able to take in three deep breaths. It was only a dream. Only a dream.

I stood on shaky feet and stumble out of the bed, rushing to the mirror that hung along the wall. I sighed when I saw that there was no bulge sticking out and rested my arm against the wall. I stood there shaking with my cried as my hand settled on my stomach. I stiffened when I felt the stiffness beneath my fingers.

"No, no, no, no," I whispered pulling away from the mirror and lifting my jumper and shirt. I glanced in the mirror and turned to the side, crying when my eyes settled on the small but noticeable bump. It was hardly there but as my eyes settled on it I couldn't help but notice it.

It was only small but I knew what it was. I should have figured it out ages ago. There were signs. Of course there were signs. The sickness. The cravings for chocolate. The hunger. My shifting mood. The dream.

How could I have been so stupid? I knew what sex brought when it was unprotected. I was a doctor for fuck sake. Why had we been so stupid? We can't bring a child into this world. We already had Carl to watch over. A baby would just be worse. We would be putting everyone at risk.

I dropped to my knees then, cupping my face in my hands as I curled up into a ball and sobbed through the pain. My dream kept flashing through my mind. Hershel had died because of me, as had Carol and T-Dog. Rick stopped loving me and Carl looked at me in disgust. I couldn't live like that. I couldn't put everyone at risk.

"Mom?" Carl asked opening the door slowly before stepping into the room. "Mom!" he called out rushing to my side, his hand settling on my back as he leant down next to me on the floor. "Mom what's wrong? Are you hurt?" I could hear the worry and pain in his voice but I couldn't answer him. I couldn't look at him knowing that he would be disgusted at me. "Hershel! Hershel!" he called out and I could hear the rushing steps as more than one set of footsteps rushed towards us.

"Fay!" Amy called out dropping to the floor, touching my shoulder like Carl had. "What's wrong Carl?" she asked him frantically and I knew she was probably looking at him in concern.

"I don't know," he whispered and I could hear the way his voice broke. He was trying not to cry. "She was like it when I got here."

"Carl go to Daryl and Kelly," Hershel ordered him as I heard him step into the room. "Don't tell them what's happened." I felt Carl stand and walk out and the door shut quietly behind him. "Bethy sort the bed out. We'll need to move her up there."

There was a lot of shuffling about and then two hands gripped either side of my arms and I was lifted slightly. My hands were still resting on my stomach and as I was settled on the bed I met Hershel's eyes. I couldn't help the tears as they fell and when the man settled on the bed beside me I flung my arms around his neck, burying my face in his chest. His arms slowly wrapped around me before he pulled me into him and I knew he was trying to calm me down.

"What's wrong Fay?" he asked quietly when my sobs had slowed down and I was hiccupping softly against him.

"There's a baby," I whispered but I knew he heard me when he tensed and pulled away. His eyes dropped to my stomach and I didn't know what look he had plastered across his face.

"Can I check?" he asked and I nodded softly pulling away from him and sitting back by the pillows. "Lay down," he ordered and I did as he instructed looking away when he lifted up my jumper and shirt. His cool fingers pressed lightly around my stomach and he sighed as his hand stopped, resting lightly against my stomach. "I think you're right."

"She's pregnant?" Beth asked in shock as her eyes dropped down to where her dad's hand rested. "Is there any way we can be sure?"

"Bethy go get the stethoscope in my room," he told her softly as Amy climbed into the bed next to me, taking my hand in hers. It was the comfort I needed right then and I turned to look up at her.

"It's going to be okay," she assured me, a soft smile on her face as her other hand reached up and pushed a loose strand of hair away. "We'll make it okay. Right Fay. This baby will be loved."

"It died." I told her feeling my eyes water as my dream came back to me. "In my dream. The baby died. It turned into a walker."

"We won't let that happen," she whispered, leaning down and pressing a light kiss to my head as Beth rushed back into the room with the stethoscope. She handed it off to her dad before coming to my other side and grabbing my other hand.

These people had turned into family and I knew they cared. They wouldn't be giving me this support if they didn't care. I jumped slightly as the cool metal pressed against my lower stomach as Hershel slide the metal disk around before stopping it in one spot.

"I hear a heartbeat," he muttered closing his eyes as he bobbed his head quickly. "Sounds strong. I'd say your about twelve weeks."

"Nearly sixteen," I muttered to him and watched him frown as he settled his eyes on me. "Your average woman doesn't start to show until their sixteenth week." I explained before frowning and shaking my head. "Rick's only been back fourteen weeks so it's more likely I'm that far along."

"Even through this you still manage to keep a medical head," he said lightly pulling the buds out his ears and handing them back to Beth. The young blonde turned to look at me with curiosity in her eyes.

"Can I?" she asked holding up the stethoscope and glancing down to the small bump. I nodded my head at her slightly and watched as she placed the buds in her ears and settled down on the floor before placing the metal disk in the same place her dad had it. Her face lit up in a bright smile as she glanced to me. "It's so beautiful. Like horses galloping." She whispered, bringing her hand up and resting it lightly on my belly.

"I guess we know now why you were sick a few weeks back," Hershel muttered standing from the bed.

"What about Rick?" I asked remembering the way he was in my dream. "This baby's only going to put everyone in danger. I can't do that to the group."

"This baby is family," Hershel stated giving me a stern look. "We'll worry about the safety of the group. This baby is going to be loved and surrounded by survivors. I don't want you think about anything but you're health." He looked at down at me and I saw the way he took in everything before giving me the same stern look. "I'm putting you on bed rest until Rick gets back." He ordered and I nodded my head at him knowing it wouldn't do anything to argue with him.

"Hershel would you send Carl in here?" I asked him as he headed to the door. Beth climbed from the floor, placing the stethoscope in the bed lightly as Amy climbed off as well. "I want to tell him."

"I will, don't worry."

"And will you tell Daryl and Kelly for me. They need to know." I told him knowing that it was right. I would rather Rick knew first but as a group they couldn't be left in the dark for any longer. I was already starting to show. Hershel nodded his head as he left the room, the two blonde girls following him.

I sighed as I rested my head against the pillows and glanced up to the roof. It was an off-white colour and I couldn't help but catch glimpses of my dream flash across the roof as I glanced at it. What if Carl looked at me the same way? Would he hate the idea of there being a baby?

"Mom?" his soft voice whispered to me and I lifted my head slightly to look over at him. He had a worried look plastered across his face and I smiled at him soft and waved him over. He climbed up into the bed and I pulled the stethoscope from where Beth left it.

"Hey baby," I whispered lifting the stethoscope and watching his face split into a soft smile as well. He could remember the first time the two of us spoke at his second doctor appointment. "I'm sorry I scared you," I muttered placing the buds in his ears as I pulled him closer to me. "I just found out something and I didn't know what to do." He frowned down at me but stopped when I placed the metal disk over my heart. I knew that he found the beating soothing. He would always rest his head over my chest when he was younger.

"What did you find out?" he asked placing his hand over my hand as it held onto the metal disk.

"You promise you won't get mad?" I mumbled watching his face carefully as he nodded his head and waited for me to answer him. I lifted my hand off my chest and gently nudged him along as I pulled the metal disk until it was settled on my stomach around the same place as Hershel had it. Carl opened his mouth but closed it again as he froze. His eyes dropped to where the metal disk rested before glancing up at me.

"A baby?" he asked and I wasn't sure what he felt about it at the moment. I nodded my head softly, not taking my eyes off of him as he pulled the buds from his ears and peered down at my stomach again. Ever so slowly he lifted his hand and pushed away my hand and the metal disk before resting his hand over the tiny bump. His fingers pressed down lightly and I watched as he pulled back in surprise. "Whoa, it's hard!" he exclaimed his eyes growing wide as he quickly looked up to me. I couldn't help but chuckle at his reaction.

"It's telling us that the baby's growing and is strong." I explained to him and watched as he leant forward and rested his head just under my chest so he wasn't leaning on the small bump. His hand settled back on it lightly and I smiled as he ran his fingers lightly over the small hard bump that was starting to grow.

"It's going to be okay mom," he assured me not turning back to look at me as he spoke. "I'll look out for my little brother or sister. Dad will be fine about it as well. He loves you and he'll love this baby. He'll look after us all and I'll look after the baby." His words had me crying but this time it was in happiness and not fear. He had accepted it instead of turning away in disgusts. That was all I wanted but I wasn't sure how long it would last. How would Rick react when he got back?

* * *

"Wake up," was what I heard as someone nudged my shoulder lightly. I blinked open and saw Daryl standing over me, rolling his eyes when I glanced up at him. "Hershel made ya dinner," he grunted nodding to the plate Carl had in his hands. He was glancing down at the food with a frown on his face.

The boy hadn't left my side in the last two days since finding out about the baby and it gave me some comfort. I glanced between the hunter and the twelve year old and pulled myself up to sit, resting my back against the head board.

"Any sign of Rick and the others?" I asked as Beth walked into the room with a tall glass of orange juice. Since finding out about the baby the girl had taken it upon herself to make sure I was alright. Hershel had also made it his job to give me a new diet making sure I was getting the 'essential nutrients' I needed. I could almost ensure that each meal I had would contain at least one thing that held calcium, protein, vitamin c, fibre, folic acid and iron.

"Nah but I reckon they'll be back no later than tomorrow," he muttered smiling slightly as his eyes settled on Carl and Beth. Both of them had been spending most of their time in here with me. It brought them closer and I now knew that the two got on quite well. "I'm gonna go out hunting when they get back." He announced sending me another smile as he nodded to my stomach. "Gotta get some fresh meat for you fatty."

"Don't call me fat!" I hissed at him rolling my eyes as he chuckled and shook his head.

"I told ya you were getting fat," he called out as he left the room sending me a wink before he shut the door behind him.

"What have I got for dinner tonight?" I asked glancing between Carl and Beth as they climbed onto the bed, placing the plate into my lap.

"Sardines for calcium, some tuna for iron," Beth started pointing to each item as she spoke. "Spinach for folic acid and iron, mixed nuts and dried apricots for fibre and protein and a glass of pure orange juice for vitamin c."

"I feel so lucky," I muttered looking at the random dinner I had been given. "Hershel does know I don't need something from each food group everyday right?"

"He wants to be safe," Beth explained shrugging her shoulders as she shuffled the deck of cards in her hands. We had been playing the last two days to pass the time. "You've gone almost four months without any prenatal vitamins so he wants to make sure we start now. Plus Kelly said you can start having bigger and more appealing meals soon. They just want the baby to get the essential nutrients."

"Yeah but they don't have to eat this," I mumbled looking down to the sardines on my plate. Beth chuckled at my words as she dealt the cards between three and gave me a look that stated I should start eating. "Do any of you want anything?" I asked nodding down to the plate hoping they would help me get rid of the horrid food.

"Mom eat your dinner," Carl ordered picking up his cards and looking them over.

"Who made you the boss?" I asked glancing at the boy as he sent me a stern look.

"I need to make sure the baby's getting food, so you need to eat." He stated not looking away from me as he spoke. He reminded me so much of his dad then.

"Yes dad," I grunted starting on the horrid looking dinner as my son raised his eyebrow at me. "Maybe we should start playing with those sweets we got. Make it more challenging," I added as I glanced at my card and then to the other two. I had no idea what game we were playing.

"Sounds like a plan," Carl muttered placing a card down on the bed.

* * *

"You cheated!" Carl exclaimed throwing his cards onto the bed as he glared at me. Beth chuckled at his words while Amy slipped off the bed from laughing so hard. Amy had come in to sit with us today after walking in on us last night after coming to get my plate to find us playing cards with the sweets we had.

"No I didn't," I chuckled as Amy pulled herself back up onto the bed, her face red as she got her breath back. "Hand over two bars Carl,"

"I don't know why I keep playing for!" he grumbled handing over two packs of peanut butter cups. We didn't eat the sweets, just gambled with them and put them back after.

"Don't be a sore loser," Beth told him sipping at her glass of water as she looked to the boy. He rolled his eyes at her before standing from the bed and picking up one of the cards he dropped.

"We'll start again," I told him hearing the door open and knew that Hershel would be coming for his daily check-up. It was around lunch time and he normally came in with a plate of food as well. "Hey Hershel, Carl's been – Rick!" I exclaimed pushing away the cards that rested on my lap trying to get out of the bed. Beth's hand on my shoulder made me feel angry as she stopped me from getting up but I knew she was only doing it because she cared.

"Hey," he mumbled walking into the room and accepting the hug Carl gave him before he walked over and dropped to the floor beside me. "Hershel said you've been feeling bad," he looked so tired then and I didn't know how to tell him about the baby.

While he'd been out there for four days getting supplies I've been sat here resting because I was too stupid not to realise I was pregnant. Beth and Amy climbed form the bed giving us a small smile before leaving the room, shutting the door quietly behind them. My eyes shot to Carl as he rested on the edge of the bed giving me an encouraging nod.

"I'm not sick, just resting." I told him not knowing how I could tell him. Telling Rick about the baby was different from telling Carl. It seemed easier to tell Carl but I was still scared about Rick's reaction. After my dream I didn't want him to tell me he didn't want the baby.

"Did you hurt yourself?" he asked concern evident in his voice as he looked me over. I shook my head at him trying to put the words together in my head so I could tell him. "Then what's wrong. Daryl said you've been ordered on bedrest for the last three days."

"I need to tell you – well you see – umm," I paused when the words failed me. Was it really that hard to say I was pregnant? Carl sighed and I glanced over at him to see that he was rolling his eyes at me before looking to his dad.

"She's having a baby," the boy muttered and I snapped my head to Rick waiting for his reaction. He froze, his eyes a little wider than they were before. This was not what I was expecting. He was too quiet, and that wasn't a good sign. "Well say something dad."

"How long?" he whispered dropping his eyes to my stomach which was covered by the blankets. His eyes shot up to me and he frowned slightly. "How long have you known?"

"I found out the day after you left." I told him pushing back the blankets and sitting a little straighter as his eyes flashed to my stomach. His hand reached forward and he slid it under the shirt, pressing his fingers to my stomach slightly. I saw his eyebrows rise and his eyes flash with surprise.

"It's hard," he mumbled out causing me and Carl to laugh lightly. Rick looked up at me confused before looking to Carl.

"I said the same thing." He told his dad as he rested on the bed so he was lying down, his head resting on his arm as he leaned on his elbow. "I heard the baby's heartbeat. It sound like horses galloping." Carl added looking to his dad carefully. It seemed he was trying to find his dad's reaction as well.

"I know that we don't want this Rick but we don't have a choice. It's too late to try and get rid of the baby now and I wouldn't do it anyway. We have to live with this now." I said leaning forward slightly so I could look him in the eye. "It's not an ideal world to raise a baby but we have to deal with the consequences of our actions. We did this, we brought this baby into the world so now we have to deal with it. I'm sorry if you don't want that."

"We tried for three years," he muttered and I knew what he was talking about. I had thought the same thing. After three years of trying for a baby we never conceived but now that the world went to shit I had no problem falling pregnant. "I'm sorry I did this to you. I'm sorry you have to go through a pregnancy with no hospitals to care for you and monsters trying to eat us every day. I'm sorry I did this." He whispered dropping his head down as he looked down away from me.

"You don't need to apologise. We both did this Rick. This baby is made from me and you. We are both responsible." I told him, cupping his face in my hands and lifting it up so I could look at him. "Don't blame yourself." He nodded at my words ad I leant forward placing my lips to his lightly. He dropped his head again but this time he bent down and pressed a kiss to my bare stomach where our baby rested. A fluttered rushed through me at his actions and I had never been so in love with him.

"We'll sort it out," he promised as his fingers brushed the same spot he had kissed as he pulled back and looked up to me. I smiled down at him and I could feel my eyes watering. This was better than my dream and I only hoped that it would stay like this. I hope he wouldn't turn out like the man in my dream.

"We'll I hate to interrupt whatever you two are doing but I think Maggie, Glenn, T-Dog and Carol should know about the baby," Carl stated rolling of the bed and looking down at the two of us as he stood up his hands on his hips.

"I swear to you Rick that that boy is not our son," I fake whispered to him looking to Carl, sending him a smile as he rolled his eyes. "He's far too grown up to be out twelve year old."

"You're right," Rick said standing up and glancing down at his miniature copy. "This isn't our son, it's some monster." He called out pulling Carl into his arms and tickling him.

"No, stop dad! Please dad! Mom!" he cried out laughing even though he hated what his dad was doing. I smiled up at my two boys before climbing out of the bed, struggling to keep my balance at first. I held onto the wall and glanced at the two of them as Carl came to my side. "You alright mom?"

"I'm fine baby," I assured him taking Rick's hand as he came to my other side. "Haven't moved much the last couple of days." I explained as the feeling came back to my legs. "We better hurry before Hershel orders me to bed again."

"He'll do it anyway," Carl muttered helping his dad walk me over to the door. I nodded at his words as I held onto my two boys tightly. "You should see him and Kelly together dad. They're scary," Rick laughed at the boy's words as we walked down the hallway and into the lobby.

Everyone was gathered around, Hershel was sat at the table his bible in his hand while Beth and Amy jumped up when they saw us. Carol was talking with Kelly and Daryl, all three of them looked happy and I knew they were thankful that nothing went wrong. Glenn and Maggie were slouched on one of the couches, both resting their heads back with their eyes closed. T-Dog was standing over by the bar which we left open – the kettle and taps came in handy if we were all in the longue. It made it easier than going to the kitchen every time we wanted a drink.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Hershel asked sternly as Rick guided me to the couch next to Glenn and Maggie's. Beth and Amy sat down on the couch with me while Rick perched on the arm, his hand holding mine as everyone looked to us.

"I'm still resting Hershel," I told them man nodding down to the couch as I looked at him. "I need to move around as well. Plus I wanted to see everybody."

"Fine but if I see you yawning or in discomfort I'm sending you back to your room." He ordered giving me the usual stern look. I rolled my eyes at him as Rick chuckled.

"Hey guys, I'd like to speak to ya'll," Rick called out waving his hand for everyone to come closer. Maggie and Glenn sat up while Daryl, Kelly, Carol and T-Dog joined us. Carl stood behind Hershel, his arm leaning on the man's chair as he looked at his dad. "We have something to say and I already know that half of you know but I want you all to hear it. We understand where this is going and we realise that it leaves the group in a predicament."

"Maybe you should tell them what it is first dad," Carl said to him as looks of confusion came to the four faces that didn't know about the baby. Rick nodded at Carl's words before looking down to me.

"We're having a baby," Rick stated squeezing my hand at his words. "We know it's not the sort of world to bring a baby into but we're going to do it. We would love and appreciate if you would help us because you are family but we understand if you want to leave the group to enable your chances at surviving."

"We know what a baby means," I muttered to them all resting my hand lightly on my stomach. "We know that when the baby's born we'll be a bigger target to walkers. The crying will draw them to us and we can't blame any of you if you don't want to be around that. You are family and whatever you decided we will still care and love you." I told them knowing that Rick felt the same way. We wouldn't stop anyone if they wanted to leave, that wasn't our decision to make.

We were met by silence and it unnerved me that no one could say anything. I knew it was a shock. I was shocked to hell when I found out but I knew that me and Rick wouldn't be able to do it without them.

"I'm going to stay and help," Amy muttered stopping the silence that had grown around us. She turned to look at me and I could see the tears in her eyes. "You're the only family I have left. After Andrea I didn't think I'd make it but you never gave up on my Fay. And for that I'm going to stay and help you raise and protect your baby."

"Thank you," I whispered to her, grabbing her hand over Beth as I smiled at her.

"I already told you that we were family." Hershel started looking over to us as he spoke. "This baby won't change that. Me and Bethy will stay with you." He glanced over to Maggie then and took in his eldest daughter. "I can't decide for Maggie. She's proved to me that she's no longer my little girl."

"I'll stay and help," Maggie said looking to Glenn as answered her dad's unspoken question. Glenn only gave her a nod but it was obvious to see that the man would follow her anywhere. "We won't go anywhere without family.

"Hell I can't leave my sister when she needs me most," Kelly announced sending us a smile as she nudged Daryl with her arm. He rolled his eyes at her but looked over to us a small smile on his face.

"My woman answer for me," his words were shocking at first and I could feel my eyebrows rising. I knew everyone else in the room was reacting the same way but at least we knew that they were together now. I knew that they were but there was no proof – until now. "I still gotta get fatty some fresh meat." He added and I felt my face heat up as I glared at him.

"I'm not fat!" I hissed at him as everyone else chuckled and Carol sent a scolding look at the hunter as she stepped forward slightly.

"I lost my little girl to this world," she started, her eyes shining as she looked to me. "I'll do anything to help you protect the baby. Even make you chocolate cake at four in the morning," she teased sending me a smile as everyone laughed at her words. I ran my free hand over my face, flushing as everyone reminded me of what I had done early in the morning on my birthday.

"I told ya once that God wasn't punishing you," T-Dog muttered holding his glass of alcohol up as he nodded towards us. "It seems we have been gifted with this baby. It'll help us grow as one and keep us together."

"I didn't think you would accept it," I whispered feeling the tears slip down my cheeks as I took in all their comforting, smiling faces. Rick's thumb was rubbing against my hand as he thanked everyone. This was more than what we were expecting. They didn't have to do this – they could have left.

"We told you that we're family," Beth muttered turning in her seat and taking my hand away from my face as I tried to wipe my tears. Her fingers brushed against my cheeks before gripping my chin lightly and lifting my head to lock with her eyes. "Family means we stick together through thick and thin. No one gets left behind, we stay together. We get through everything together." She slid her fingers under my eyes and wiped the tears as they continued to fall. "Rick brought us this far, he kept us safe. It's our turn to keep you safe, to keep this baby safe." She assured me taking my hand in hers again and squeezing it lightly. "That's what family does."


	18. Chapter 18

When I woke it was to Rick's arms around me in a warm safe haven. I had this daunting feeling that this wouldn't last. Like all things in this new world they would never last long. Like the quarry, CDC and farm this little dream we had been living in would eventually end.

Soon the food would run out and we'd have to put ourselves out there to get more. There was always the risk of walkers turning up in a herd and leaving us at a disadvantage. More and more of them had been making an appearance over the last couple of weeks. There was now two to three guards on watch at all times. One on either balcony to keep an eye on the surrounding area – it seemed the walkers had followed the path through the forest like Daryl and I had.

The only good thing about the winter was that it seemed to slow the walkers down. The snow seemed to take a lot out of them and it looked like it was making their joints stiff. They couldn't stumbled through the snow very well and half the time they just fell over and took a while to get up. Daryl and T-Dog went out every few hours to clear (kill) the walkers that got too close to home and started setting up a 'wall' of walkers a few meters from the main building.

I had never been thankful for a winter in all my life. I used to complain about them. Between the accidents snow caused and the days the kids had off school because of the snow days it got boring pretty fast.

I rolled over in Rick's arms so I was resting on my back and like a magnet Rick turned as well. I leant up on my elbow as I peered down at him and smiled softly at how peaceful he looked. It was the only time he actually looked relaxed, during the day he spent so much time worrying over everything he was drained by the evening. He was so beautiful like this and it was in moments like this that I wished the world hadn't have changed. That there were no walkers and that we could go on like normal.

I sighed before rolling out of the bed, slipping on my socks before shimming into my yoga pants – they were more comfortable than my jeans at the moments Carol had picked me up a few bigger sizes for when I got bigger. I pulled on my bra then slipped on my vest top. I glanced back at Rick, happy that he hadn't woken this time after I left the bed before leaving him to sleep. It wouldn't be long before he woke but at least he'd get a few more minutes.

Beth and Maggie were in the lobby when I entered, they were watching some romance film on the telly. It was one thing I was thankful for at this place. The solar energy gave us the chance to act a little more like the humans we were before this. We weren't wasting the power by using the telly either because it was as Glenn said 'we got power even when it wasn't sunny.'

Both girls glanced over to me when I entered and turned back to the film before Maggie's head snapped back to me. Beth turned as well probably wanting to know what was wrong with her sister.

"Where did that come from?" she asked nodding her head to me and I couldn't help but smile at her words. I knew what she was talking about and I set my hand on the protruding bump as it jutted between my hips. It wasn't large, just looked like I had a lot to eat and was breathing out at the same time but it was more rounded instead of looking like I was getting fat. It actually looked like I was pregnant now.

"I know, it's like it appeared overnight," I replied running my hand over the bump as I settled on the couch between the sisters.

"It's adorable," Maggie stated resting her fingers over the bump lightly a small smile on her face. "Why haven't we noticed it before?" she asked flicking her eyes up to me as she pulled her hand away from the bump.

"I should have started to show at sixteen weeks but I think after not knowing for the first three months that there was actually a baby in here – I wasn't eating properly, none of us were. I think after all the eating I've done in the last four weeks since finding out about the baby it's had a chance at growing." I muttered resting my feet up on the table before me as I glanced to the film they were watching. "Dirty Dancing?" I asked glancing between the two girls.

"Bethy's never seen it before so we thought we'd put it on before daddy wakes," Maggie explained stealing a glance at her sister. I was pretty sure Hershel wouldn't have liked it if his two girl were watching the film but I knew it wouldn't stop them.

"How's it so far?" I asked the blonde knowing that the film was coming to an end. Beth turned away from the screen, giving me a soft smile before shrugging her shoulders.

"It's good, just a little … raunchy." She supplied her cheeks heating before she ducked her head and turned back to face the screen.

"It is called 'Dirty' Dancing Beth," I told her laughing at her words before glancing to Maggie. "Christmas is in nineteen days. Do you think we'd be able to celebrate?"

"I'm guessing it would be fine if we're still here." She muttered turning her head to glance out at the balcony closer to the lobby and looking over to Glenn. It was obvious she was up because Glenn was on watch. The two normally stayed close together, always watching out for each other.

"I'd like for us to stay here. I found some decorations downstairs in the cellar, will you help me bring them up so we can decorate?" I asked her and felt myself smile when she nodded her head. I head the telly turning off and glanced to Beth seeing that the girl had stood from the couch.

"I'd like to decorate," she smiled holding out her hand for me to take.

"I know it sounds stupid but I want Carl to have a somewhat normal life in this world. I don't want him to forget the world we came from. I want him to be thankful for what we once had. We didn't get to celebrate Thanksgiving so I'd like to do Christmas." I explained to them both as we walked down the stair that would take us down to the ground floor and led us to the cellar.

"It's understandable, things have changed a lot in seven months. It'll be nice to have something normal to hold onto from our pasts." Maggie said switching on the light as we entered the cellar. There were boxes stacked in the back corner and some were marked _Christmas Decs._ I pointed over to the boxes and Maggie walked over first, her hand resting on the gun at her side. Even though the place had been checked over she was still cautious.

* * *

The place looked decent in my eyes. The decorations had ended up giving us two Christmas trees – one small and the other quite large. We placed the small one in the dining room and the larger one in the lobby.

Carol and Carl came out into the lobby just as Maggie and Beth finished putting up the large tree. The smaller one had decorations already on the tree but I was happy that this one didn't. Carl joined my shifting through the boxes, looking for tree decorations while Carol went over to the kitchen to start on breakfast.

We were halfway through putting up the decorations when I felt it.

"Whoa," I called out dropping my hands to my stomach feeling three sets of eyes on me and I looked down to the bulge between my hands.

"What?" Carl asked coming to my side quickly just as Maggie and Beth did. "What's wrong?"

"I felt the baby move," I whispered running my hands over the bump with a small smile on my face. Carl's hand was placed gentle between mine, his fingers pressing lightly as if trying to feel what I had.

"I don't feel anything," he muttered and I could hear the disappointment in his voice. I smiled up at him giving him a sweet smile at how happy he sounded at the thought of feeling the baby move.

"You'll have to wait a couple of week's sweetie," I told him running one of my hands through his hair. It had grown out again but when I asked him if he wanted it cut he said no. I had also noticed that his face had grown longer in the last couple of months and his voice was getting deeper. The boy was growing up and soon he would have to have a little chat with his dad about certain things.

"That sucks," he grumbled pulling his hands away, going back to decorating the tree. I followed his actions while Maggie and Beth went back to hanging decorations from the roof and walls. A clearing of the throat had the four of us looking up to the lobby entrance to see Rick standing there in his jeans and a black shirt. "Hey dad," Carl called out sending his dad a wave as the man walked slowly over to us. His eyes were shooting around the lobby taking in the decorations, a small smile on his face. "Oh, mom felt the baby move." Carl added and I felt Rick's eyes fall on me as I knelt on the floor.

I glanced up at him, smiling slightly as I placed the angel on the tree and held my hand out so he could help me up. Rick took my hand in his while his other hand grabbed under my arm, tugging me up from the floor. When I was standing in front of him, he dropped one of his hand onto my stomach just like Carl had.

"You felt him?" he asked and I furrowed my brows as his words.

"Him?" I questioned tilting my head up to look at him carefully. Did he think the baby was a boy? We hadn't really spoken about the sex of the baby. Both of us didn't care what we got, just wanted the baby to be safe and for me to get through this pregnancy without any difficulties.

"Or her. I don't want to call the baby it all the time. That's my child in there not an object." He stated pressing a kiss to the top of my head as he ran his hand over the bump, pulling me close to him.

"You won't be able to feel the baby yet dad," Carl told him coming from behind the tree holding the angel in his hands. "I can't reach the top." Rick chuckled at the boy's words, taking the angel from his hands and placing it on top of the tree. The tree did look beautiful, a bit mismatched but beautiful all the same.

"I was thinking that maybe we could go on a run and get some small gifts," I muttered to my husband as he tugged my hand pulling me to sit with him on the couch.

"You're not going." He demanded but I rolled my eyes at him. The last month he had been acting like I was fragile. I was pregnant, not unable to move. I understood where he was coming from, I wasn't going to go out there and put myself at risk but he was overreacting.

If we had to leave this place then I would be out there anyway even if he didn't like it. I hope it would be a while before we had to leave this place. And realistically we would eventually have to leave this place. We couldn't stay here forever – some other survivors would end up coming here and it would be hard to know if we would be able to protect our home.

"I know, I'm not going to go. I just was thinking it might be a nice thing for everyone. We've all been stressed lately, I just want everyone to be happy." I mumbled to him resting my head against his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me. Carl sent us a disgusted look before running out to the balcony to see Glenn.

"I'll think about it," Rick sighed, pressing his lips to my head just as Maggie and Beth dropped into the couch opposite ours, slumping against each other as they took in our hard work. We had done a good job – the place looked like Santa's Grotto.

* * *

"Look how big you're getting," Rick muttered pressing his hands to my stomach as he looked at me through the mirror. He was standing behind me as I fixed the red dress I had found in the wardrobe. We had decided that we would dress semi-nice for our dinner today. As it was Christmas day we wanted to feel a little … we wanted it to be special.

"I would shout at you for calling me fat but I can see that you're liking the bump." I mumbled running my hands over my curls as I let them fall freely down my back. They had gotten so long, reaching passed by bum in thick, curly tendrils. I loved my hair, the curls, and the copper red that shone like fire – as Rick would say. It was probably the only thing I never hated when I was a girl growing up.

"You're beautiful," he whispered pressing his lips to my neck as he pushed away my hair so he could get a better excess to my neck.

"You're only saying that because you're seeing a manifestation of your own virility. It's normal to confuse that with attraction, you're being filled with a sense of pride and power because you impregnated me. It's showing that you thrive in your masculinity." I told him swatting him away as I slipped on a pair of fluffy socks that Rick had brought back from their last run.

"I have no idea what you just said but I still think your beautiful." He grumbled placing a fierce kiss to my lips as his hands tugged my hips closer to him. I felt his arousal as it pressed lightly into the bump of our growing child. One hand slipped around the back of my neck while the other rested lightly on my stomach as he deepened the kiss. The baby fluttered around at his daddy's actions and pressed lightly against the spot where Rick rested his hand. Rick froze and pulled away from me, his eyes dropping to his hand as they grew slightly. "I think … I'm sure … I just felt the baby move." He breathed out a look of disbelief falling across his face as he dropped to his knees in front of me.

"You should be able to feel the baby from about twenty weeks." I muttered to him loving the way his face lit up at the idea of feeling our growing child moving against his hand. "Hershel and I have estimated that I'm around twenty weeks into the pregnancy. If that's so I've got about twenty weeks left."

"Whoa," he puffed out as another small nudge pushed against his hand. "The baby's strong,"

"Hershel said the same thing. There's a strong heart beat and with the weight I'm putting on he's happy that the baby's grow quite well." I explained running my hand through his hair as he pressed his lips to my belly through the dress.

"Of course he's strong. He has a strong family." Rick told me looking up as he sent me a smile. He rubbed my belly again softly before pushing himself to his feet and cupping my face in his hands. "He's going to be like his beautiful mother."

"Do you think we'll make it through this?" I asked him feeling the smile slip off my face as I thought about everything that could happen in the following months. So many things could go wrong. As a doctor I knew the challenges birth held but in this new world they would be different. There were no hospitals were I could go to if I needed to. I had to hope that this would be an easy, simple birth without any difficulties.

"Of course we will," he muttered resting his head against mine but I could see in his eyes that we had the same thoughts.

"I'm scared Rick. This baby is a blessing but I can't help but feel like we've made a mistake." I whispered closing my eyes as I wrapped my arms around his neck. His arms wrapped around my waist as he pulled me into his chest, it was comforting.

"I know how you feel. I'm scared as well and I want things to go smoothly but after knowing the dangers of a pregnancy I can't help but worry." He replied resting his head against my shoulder, running his hand over my back.

"After years of trying why did I end up pregnant now? Why in this world?" I could hear the sob in my voice but tried to clear it away. I didn't need to get upset now. The others would see and I didn't want Carl to worry. Rick pulled back from me, cupping my face in his hands again as he dropped his face slightly so he could hold eye contact with me.

"I think that this baby is a miracle. I think that maybe we were meant to bring this child into the world now. This small little human that we created will keep the group together, keep us strong and give us another reason to live. This baby will meld the group closer, he'll keep our hopes high and will be stronger because of that. We'll have a stronger group because of this baby." His words had my eyes watering and had me nodding my head at his words. This baby would make us stronger but it would also leave us at a disadvantage – it would make us a bigger target for those out in the world. "Come on, let's go join the others, Carl will worry." I smiled at his words, allowing him to take my hand and lead me to the others.

* * *

"I feel like times passing us too quickly," I grumbled as the six of us sat around the burning fire in the lobby. Daryl had started it for us before we kicked them all out to leave us alone. They would be joining us alter but for the moment to was just us girls.

"It feels like I was sitting at home with Sophia last week," Carol whispered a sad smile on her face as she looked at us. "I remember her last Christmas, she wanted this one toy but I knew Ed wouldn't get it for her. I worked overtime at the school so I could buy it for her. She played with it for three weeks before she forgot about it." She laughed lightly at her words as she looked over to us. "It was worth it though just to see the smile on her face when she opened it."

"Carl was like that with presents. He'd play with his new toys for about two weeks before forgetting them and asking for a new one." I told her remember what it was like with Carl after Christmas and birthdays.

"Oh yeah that kid was a pain in the arse. If Fay or Rick didn't give into him, he'd come to me and ask." Kelly muttered getting us all to laugh as we thought about her words. Carl was a great kid but when he was younger and I first got with Rick he was slightly spoiled by me and Kelly. As he grew up it stopped but he was out little guy so he tended to get most things he asked for.

"I can't believe its New Year's Eve," Amy sighed glancing out the window at the darkened sky it came closer to midnight.

"It's been seven months since the outbreak, it's gone really fast." Maggie muttered nodding her head at Amy's words.

"These last few months have been spent here in a place we believe safe. I think having the comfort of this safety has allowed time to slip by faster. We're comfortable here so we don't pay attention to the days passing like we did when we were out there finding somewhere to hole down for a few days." I said not knowing if they would agree but it was how I felt. "We've built a home where we're able to live an extra day without losing a member to a walker. We've managed to stay together through tough times. We may have struggled at first but we made it here together."

"But you don't think it'll last?" Beth asked her head tilting to the side as she looked at me. I gave her a sad smile and shook my head. "Why?"

"We've all been in what seemed a safe place at first the quarry and then the CDC. The farm. We thought that those places were safe but they eventually turned out to be dangerous places. We lost people in each place, it didn't last long. If a herd of walkers was to come through here after the snow lifts we'd probably have a better chance than we would at the farm or any other place but there are more things out there that will make us leave. I don't think it will always be safe here for us. I believe Rick when he says that there is a place out there for us but I'm confident that this isn't that place." I told her allowing them all to all understand what I was feeling.

"I thought pregnant people were meant to be happy," Kelly muttered picking up the serious sense in the room and adding a bit of humour to it. I rolled my eyes at her as the other four laughed at the actions between us.

"I'm telling ya now Kelly, she isn't always happy." Rick grumbled walking in from the balcony leaving Daryl out there as they switched for shift. Rick was meant to come in when Daryl started the fire but the two of them had been talking outside for a while. "She's a got a mood to envy Carl when he doesn't get what he wants."

"Well I guess we know where the boy got that from." Kelly replied to the man as he stood behind the couch I was on and placed a kiss on my head.

"I'm not grumpy," I muttered feeling my face drop into a frown as they all looked to us. Rick's hand rested on my shoulder, squeezing it lightly as I became tense. Okay so maybe I was becoming a little moody but Carol said it was normal when woman were carrying a baby.

"She yelled at me last night for wearing my socks to bed," Rick added and I knew he had a smile on his face. I could hear it in his words but I also knew it when Maggie, Beth and Amy smiled at his words.

"Okay so maybe I'm a little moody at the moment but you try sleeping at night when all the baby wants to do is backflips and kick." I grunted slouching down in the couch as I let my mood get the better of me.

"I know it seems hard at the moment but when the baby's here you'll forget all the nights he kept you up and be so in love with him that these nine months of carrying him will be worth it." Carol assured me leaning over and resting her hand on mine giving me a soft smile. After Rick started calling the baby a 'he' everyone else had started doing it now. It was no longer 'baby' but 'he'.

"I'm just tired, I feel like everything's just coming back to me when I'm trying to sleep. The baby's keeping me awake and I'm letting my thoughts get the better of me." I sighed pushing myself up so I was sitting straight again. "I might start taking naps during the day."

"I think that'll be best," Rick muttered letting his hand rub the spot at the bottom of my neck between my shoulder blades. I rolled my eyes at his words just as T-Dog walked into the lobby form the kitchen with a tray of steaming mugs.

"I found a tin of coco in the pantry. Mixes well with water and I melted a few of those chocolate bars to make it taste better." He muttered handing out the mugs to us and whistling for Glenn and Hershel as they walked in from the other balcony. I took it that it was getting closer to midnight. "Carl's been working hard in the kitchen making us some finger food." Just as the words slipped form T's mouth Carl walked in carrying a large tray with a selection of nuts, dried fruit, slices of meat that Daryl had hunted, bowls of potato chips and bowls full of a range of sweets from our collection.

"It looks great baby," I told the boy as he set the tray on the coffee table between the couches and arm chairs. He sent me a large smile before dropping down on the floor by my feet.

"We gonna sing and tell stories?" Daryl asked stepping in from the balcony, perching on the arm of the couch next to Kelly. She smiled brightly up at the hunter as she handed him his mug of coco. We all glanced at the man as he asked his question before he sent us a small smile.

"No we're gonna be thankful we made it into a new year in this world. We're gonna be thankful for the family we have and the family we will have. We're gonna celebrate that we're still alive to share something special like a new year with the ones we care about." Rick told him rising his mug and nodding to the man as he looked around at everyone. We all rose I mugs like Rick had done and muttered out thanks before sipping the warm coco within our mugs.

He was right we should be thankful that we managed to make it into a new year but we should also be thankful that we managed to do so with our family. We should be happy that we made it this far with our newly formed family because with them we were strong. We had a right to celebrate that we were stilling living and still had the time to appreciate the small things such as New Year's, Christmas and birthdays. We should be happy we still had each other to celebrate with.


	19. Chapter 19

I was getting accustom to waking in the warmth of Rick's arms. It was a privilege I didn't have when we were sleeping out in the open. The man would always be awake and on guard. It never really left us much time to sleep within each other's arms but now. Now I would always wake with his arms around me.

The last couple of weeks he had been sleeping with me in his arms, his chest resting against my back as he pulled me close, his arms wrapped around my waist like a blanket. At first it took me a while to get used to sleeping on one of his arms with the baby growing, but after a few nights it was like a shield to the bad dreams that wanted to plague me.

The baby sent a nudge under Rick's resting hand and I rolled over and stared at my husband. Most nights were like this. I couldn't sleep because of the baby but Rick didn't have a problem catching a few hours. I sighed, resting my head on his chest, feeling slightly annoyed that I couldn't get closer to him because of the baby. The bump was enlarging rapidly, making me feel like I had swallowed a small watermelon and it was now sticking out. For only twenty-three weeks pregnant I sure felt like I was further along in this pregnancy as the bump grew but I knew that twenty-three weeks was the furthest I could be.

Rick shifted in his sleep, his hand coming to rest on my lower back as he accommodated his sleeping body to mine. His fingers rubbed lightly against my lower back before they stilled as he dropped into sleep again but it was that small movement that sent my hormones high and I was filled with a need.

I pushed myself up from the bed, Rick's hand slipping from my lower back as I stared down at him, my lower lips between my teeth as I reached out, running my hand over his bare chest. The last three weeks he had taken to sleeping with his shirt off as I was producing 'too much heat' for his liking. Rick shivered as my fingers trailed across his chest lightly, lingering on the scar left behind from the gun wound that caused him to drop into his coma.

My fingers tingled at the contact between us and I leant forward slightly, pressing my lips to his chest just above his heart before swinging my leg over his hips - with a bit of difficulty. This bump really made it hard to seduce my husband. I rested lightly above his hips, pressing my knees into the mattress beside him as I bent down running my hands over his chest. My bump rubbed against this lower stomach and the baby sent a swift kick to his dad.

My hands reached his face and I cupped his check with one hand while resting the other by his head as I leant on my arm to place a soft kiss to his lips. He didn't respond at first but after my lips lingered against his for a few seconds his lips pressed back against mine and I smiled.

"What ya doing?" he asked groggily allowing me to pull back at look down at him as he squinted up at me, his hand coming up to rub away the sleep that dared to linger. I smiled sweetly down at him before placing a kiss at the bottom of his neck making my way up until I was kissing his lips again.

"Waking you up," I mumbled running my tongue over his lower lip before nipping it lightly with my teeth. His hips shifted under me with the small action and I couldn't help but feel satisfied that it still got a rise out of him. When we first got together Rick would always get uncomfortable when I nipped at his lips. It took me a few weeks to realise that he got turned on by it.

"Why?" he grunted resting his hands on my hips as I pressed a little more pressure down on his hips. I wasn't heavy but I could tell that he was a little … sensitive down there after my 'rude' awakening.

"Can't sleep," I told him pressing a kiss to his chest before glancing up at him through my lashes, dipping my tongue to the light brush of hair that sprayed across his chest. He groaned out lightly, his fingers digging into my hips as his hips arched off the bed. I smiled wickedly as I shifted my weight so my hips were pressed heavily down onto his. He hissed out sending me a look between hooded lids before shifting his hands so his arms wrapped around my waist. He moved us slowly until it was me lying on my back. His hands rested against the pillows under my head before he bent down, placing a heavy kiss to the base of my neck as he pulled the pillows under my back so I wasn't lying flat on the bed. It seemed he was listening when Hershel advised me not to lie flat on my back as it would lower the oxygen count the baby was receiving.

"You're a cruel woman," he groaned, his hands running over my chest, lightly teasing my boobs before lowering them to my hips.

"I don't think you really think that," I whispered to him, running my hand down his chest before I squeezed him lightly through his boxers. Even after the six years we had been together I still got a little wild when I felt how aroused he got because of me. It was a boost to my self-esteem especially now with the baby growing. I guess it gave me a thrill to know I still turned him on. His head dropped to rest lightly on my chest as he breathed deeply, his shoulders rising and falling with his heavy breaths.

"You're torturing me." He whined pressing his growing arousal into my thigh as he shifted his hips against mine. I chuckled at his words, running my fingers through his curls as I tugged his hair lightly at his words.

"You're such a whiner," I teased slipping my hands down until they were cupping his face, pulling him closer to me so I could plant my lips against his. The kiss was heated, full of passion and hunger. Rick sighed into the kiss slipping his tongue into my mouth as he caressed against mine before I bit lightly on it. He grunted into my mouth and I knew it was tingling lightly remembering a time he had done the same to me.

"Stop it," he moaned pulling away to look down at me. I could only imagine what I looked like as he gazed down at me. I could feel my hair falling out of the braid and imagined small curls of fire lying across the pillows, framing my face. I could also feel a little heat in my cheeks and knew that they were probably flushed with pleasure. My eyes were probably shining with the hunger I was feeling but in that moment I didn't care about myself. I cared for Rick.

He was so mouth-watering to me then as his hooded eyes glanced down at me full of lust and hunger and something else I couldn't distinguish. His hair was messing from my fingers running through it and a sheen of sweat had broken out across his chest making me sigh in pleasure. I loved seeing Rick like this. It made him so much more beautiful to me. He almost always let his guard down when it was just us two like this. He let down everything no longer holding back his emotions.

I could see everything he was feeling as his eyes gazed down at me. I could see that he was scared and the fear that was haunting him even in his sleep. I could see the determination he held that would in the end ensure that everyone would end up safe and alive. The love he felt for me but also everyone else as well. The panic he felt when more walkers came towards us in the safe haven as the snow melted away. The worry he held for the low amount of food that was suddenly disappearing with each day. The anger he felt because he knew like I did that we may not be able to stay here any longer with the threat of walkers. We all knew that soon a herd would come tumbling out of the forest like they had at the farm.

He was prepared for it. He'd been planning for our departure from here. T-Dog had already started packing the cars – separating the food equally that remained here, leaving little for Carol to work with. If she needed anything one of the men would rush down to the cars to get it for her. We were living out of the cars or our packs now because everyone felt the energy burning in the air.

It was like a sheen of static electricity burning between our hidden home and the roaming walkers. We could all sense that something was coming but we didn't know how soon it would be.

"What are you waiting for?" I asked him running my hand over his face gently as he blinked away all the emotions locked within his eyes. It didn't help, I had seen them raging in his mind already. He smiled down at me lazily before capturing my lips within his own, biting at my lower lip lightly like I had been doing when he was still asleep.

His hands lifted the large shirt I was wearing, running his fingers lightly over the small watermelon sized bump before dipping lower. He pulled back suddenly looking down at me with a frown but I couldn't help but smile.

"What happened to your underwear?" he asked his hands lingering at the base of my bump as he waited for my answer. There was a little dent between his brows as he frowned down at me and I couldn't help but think he looked adorable like that.

"I took my panties off Officer," I whispered to him noting the huskiness behind my voice as I looked up at him. His hands slipped lower, running lightly over my inner thighs causing me to giggle as his rough fingers tickled my bare skin.

"Is that so?" he grunted just as huskily as one of his hands released my thigh and fumbled with his boxers under the blankets until he managed to free himself. I could feel his burning arousal as it replaced his hand, pressing into my thigh with a scorching heat that had me whimpering out in anticipation. My hips lifted up from the bed but Rick's hands gripped my hips pushing me back down as he lifted his hips away. "No," he said sternly giving me a firm look before dipping his head to my neck, sucking and licking on my collarbone.

"Please," I begged gripping my hands on his back as I pushed down with a force that had his hips gutting against mine in a soft brush. I sighed out in pleasure at the feeling and wrapped my legs against his lower legs so he wouldn't be able to pull away. It was harder to keep him close to me with this bump protruding between my hips and I couldn't help but feel like the baby was keeping us apart. "Please Rick," I cried out when I felt my insides tighten at the thought of him being inside me. If he continued with this I knew I wouldn't last long even if he wasn't inside me.

His hips pushed forward gently, the tip of his arousal brushing against me in the most delicious way it had me whining out almost like a cat purring. Rick chuckled at my reaction before he pushed into me lightly producing an almost silent cry as my body went lax and my eyes rolled into the back of my head. Being pregnant sure made sex a fantastic experience I would never forget. It was so much more passionate than before and it sent a fire running through my body until my toes tingled with pleasure.

* * *

"Hey baby look what I found," I called out to Carl as he came into the lobby rubbing his eyes as he blinked away the sleep that crusted around his baby blue eyes. I held up the DVD case as his eyes flick over to me and a smile stretched across his lips as he climbed onto the sofa beside me.

"The Lion King," he mumbled taking the case from my hands as he climbs from the seat he just dropped down onto to place the DVD into the player, flicking on the telly as he glanced over to me. "We can watch it right?" he asked not knowing if I wanted to watch it.

"Yeah," I stated stretching out on the couch so my back was resting on the pillows behind my back and my feet were touching the other arm of the couch. Carl climbed back on next to me, sliding behind my legs, his head resting on the bump as he pressed the button on the remote to start the film. I ran my fingers through his hair as we both settled down and watched the famous opening scene of the movie.

* * *

"I was meaning to ask how you and Daryl ending up getting together," I mumbled to Kelly as we sat outside wrapped in thick jumpers as the light rain fell on us as we took our watch. Tonight it was me and Kelly on one balcony while Amy and Carol took the other.

It had been the first time in a long time where it had just been me and Kelly. If I wasn't with Hershel and Beth during a check-up or with Carol helping with cooking I was with Rick and Carl. It wasn't just me though seeing as she had been spending more and more time with Daryl and had even spent a few nights out on watch with him or a few days out hunting for game in the surrounding woods.

"I was waiting for you to ask," she had a large smile on her face and I was happy to see her happy. There had only been one time I had seen her like this and that was a few weeks after we first became friends. She had gotten with this guy that worked at the hospital as well and they had been dancing around each other for a few weeks.

Tommy had final plucked up the courage to ask her out and a few weeks later they made it official that they were together. It was a few months after that when she started acting different around everyone that I noticed something was going on. When we were on our lunch breaks she would be all silent and freeze up when he entered the room or came towards us. I thought he was controlling her, telling her who she could speak to and what hours she should be working but it wasn't until about six months after they were together that I found out the truth.

I had known Rick about four months when I got the call from Kelly. I had Carl with me as Nana was away in Atlanta with a few of her friends and Rick was working overtime at the department. Kelly was crying down the phone, begging me to come to her and help her. I didn't know at the time what I would be walking into but as she was steadily becoming my best friend I heard the desperation in her voice. I knew I couldn't ignore her.

Her place was a mess, looked like a tornado had swept through the place but it wasn't the case. I found her in the bathroom, hunched over into a ball and I could sense something was wrong. I felt like I had walked into a torture room when I saw her. There was blood on the white tiles, blood smeared over her and her clothes had been ripped from her body.

I had pushed Carl into the living room, clicking on the telly to some kids channel before rushing to her side. She had one big black and blue eye, her chin was just as bruised and I could see the finger marks all over her body. I knew what it was as soon as I saw her.

There hadn't been many woman brought into the hospital in the same condition as her but it was always the same. Rape victims almost always had the same markings Kelly held. She was broken in that moment and as soon as she saw me she threw herself into my arms and cried, telling me everything.

Tommy hadn't been as nice as she had thought and only two months after they got together did she realise that. She wanted to end it after she found he cheated on her but he had smacked her and raped her telling her that he owned her and she wouldn't be leaving. She had spent four months in fear as the beatings and rape continued but then she found out she was pregnant and he flipped.

She was only a few weeks gone but he beat her until she lost the baby. It explained the blood on the tiles and the beating she had been given. But that wasn't the worst of it. After she lost the baby the sick bastard raped her, his hand around her throat until he almost killed her. And then he left her there. When he had finished with her, he left her on the floor passed out until she called me.

I was so angry in that moment I wanted to run out of the house and hunt him down but I couldn't leave Kelly in her state. Instead I called the sheriff's department and asked for Rick. I told him how Kelly called me around half ten that night and I rushed to her house with Carl. I told him how I found her and that he needed to come because I couldn't deal with it alone.

Rick and Shane arrived an hour after I did and they took in the scene and I knew instantly that they were both angry. The house was turned upside down and the bathroom was proof that something horrid had gone down. They put out a call for officers to got to Tommy's place and like the idiot he was he was picked up drunk out of his mind saying that she deserved it.

A few weeks later in court he was sentenced to ten years for attempted murder, rape and sexual and physical abuse. It took a while for Kelly to get back to the way she was before Tommy came into her life but Nana let her stay with us until she sold her place and found a new one. With the memories of the old places she couldn't sleep there the first few nights and when I realised she hadn't sept I brought her back to mine. It took her another six months before she allowed herself to realise that he wasn't able to hurt her anymore.

She wasn't the same as she was before but she was stronger. It was way we had taken up self-defence classes and why she had Rick train her to use a gun. Since then she didn't take any shit from anyone and become protective of those she cared about in case the same was to happen to them. It was open of the reasons she became close to Carl. The boy seemed to know that she had been through something horrible and usually spent most of his time watching crappy telly with her and reading comics. I think Carl was one of the reasons she let herself grow strong and learnt to protect herself.

"I had a feeling something was going on but I wasn't sure until he admitted it the other week." I told her rubbing my stomach as the baby did a backflip. It seemed he enjoyed doing them as I felt him moving around like it all the time.

"I think there was something between us from the beginning." She started looking out at the melting snow before looking back to me. "I think he sensed that I was broken. I know you don't like it when I say that but since Tommy I hadn't been with anyone else. I was always too scared they would turn out the same way. Tommy broke me in a way that I couldn't be fixed and then I met Daryl. I could sense he had a tough past and maybe he sensed the same thing about me. He was nice to me when we were at the quarry, I'm sure you noticed that. Helped me with small things like sorting out the mushrooms and then teaching me how to skin a squirrel. It was sweet but I just pretended he would have done it for anyone. I knew that he wouldn't want me to make a fuss over it so I didn't." a small smile made its way to her face and I knew then that she was in love with him. I had seen that look on my face before when I realised I was in love with Rick. "Then we got to the CDC and after Merle and everything we were finally able to have a time when we thoughts we were safe. We got drunk and we talked. He told me everything about his past, Merle, his dad and his mom and I told him about Tommy. The beatings, the rape, the baby and how he left me there to die. How I was violated and how the man raped me after he killed out unborn baby. And you know what he did?" she asked but I knew she wasn't waiting for an answer. "He kissed my lightly on the lips and said that would be how he would have reacted of I told him I was pregnant with his kid. It was sweet and it broke my heart and I just cried. I cried until I was asleep wrapped safely in his arms. He promised me that he would keep me safe. I remembered that when I woke. He remembered everything and I remembered everything and we were both fine with that."

"I have a feeling it took a while for you to get together," I mumbled feeling a tear slip down my cheek at her words. These two people were kind and caring but they both had bad pasts and now it was like they found each other in all this shit and were able to be there for each other.

"Yeah he kind of distanced himself after that and barely spoke to me at the farm but I was persistent. I wouldn't let him deny what he knew he wanted. He thought I deserved better than him but that was why I fell for him so hard. He didn't realise just how wonderful I thought he was. It wasn't until the farm was gone and we spent the first week sleeping rough did he finally allow himself to give in. you know that run the two of us went on?" she asked and I could remember it. Her and Daryl had gone out to find food and had been gone for almost a day and night before returning with little food. I nodded at her words frowning as a small smile grew into a large one on her face. "We ended up tumbling into a herd of walkers back at the highway. We didn't realise how close we were or how far we had gone until his bike pulled up at the highway. There was about ten walkers and we fought them without a thought and after that he just glanced at me and I knew I wasn't oozing the sex appeal. I had blood running down my face and it was over my clothes and in my hair but he just grabbed me and pulled me into the searing kiss. One thing lead to another and soon we were in the bed of the trunk T-Dog left, going at it like wild bunnies."

"Oh my god too much info!" I exclaimed covering my ears as her words filtered through my mind. I understood how Carl felt now when me and Rick got a bit loving and started kissing in front of him. Kelly was my sister and I didn't need to hear about her sex life with Daryl. Over the last couple of months the hunter had become a brother to me and the thought of them together doing that disgusted me. Sure I was happy they were together but I didn't need to hear the details.

"You asked," she laughed running her hand through her brown hair as she gazed out at the course frowning when she saw something she didn't like. "Fay wake the others!" she exclaimed rising to her feet and lifting the rifle before aiming and shooting a few rounds. I followed her gaze and felt myself freeze as I saw the shuffling emerge from the treeline.

It wasn't a herd like the one that had attacked the farm but a larger one. I was pretty sure that the count went higher than a hundred. I rushed into the lobby already hearing the others awake at all the noise. Amy and Carol were firing as well and I knew Rick would wake to the noise. We didn't use the guns unless we had to. I don't know how a few of them managed to get this close already but I knew that they must have come from the closer trees near the club house. They must have walked through until they saw the club house.

"We need to leave!" I called to him as we met in the hallway. His eyes looked at me carefully and I knew he was trying to work out if we needed to leave. "Rick there are hundreds of them. We need to leave!" he nodded his head before rushing down the hallway banging and opening the doors calling to the others that we were leaving and we had to do so quickly.

I rushed into our room, grabbing my bag form the floor happy that I had worn my best jeans and boots tonight and not my yoga pants. I was also thankful that we had all been on edge the last few days and already packed the cars in case something was going to happen. This was what we had been waiting for.

"Fay come on," Rick grunted grabbing his bag form the floor before taking my hand and draggin me out of the room. Everyone was in the lobby, bags grabbed and weapons drawn. Carl was standing next to Hershel and Beth, the older man's arms wrapped around the two youngest protectively as they all looked to Rick. "We go down the side balcony and get to the cars fast!" he called to them nodding to the balcony that Amy and Carol had been on before leading the way.

There was a set of stairs that led down to the back where the cars were parked. As we shuffled down the stairs I felt a sigh of relief when I noticed that there were no walkers in sight but still kept my guard up grabbing the gun at my side ready to fight if need be.

Daryl rushed to his bike, slinging his crossbow over his shoulder as he gripped the handle and watched as we all climbed into the cars. T-Dog and Kelly ran to the truck, starting the engine and then waiting for the rest of us to get to the cars. Rick pulled me along beside him and opened the door behind the driver's seat for me when we got to the Chevrolet before closing the door and ordering Carl to slide into the back as Amy followed him. He slipped into the driver's seat as Carol climbed into the passenger's seat and they bother glanced at each other in relief. Glenn and Maggie climbed into the front of the Hyundai while Beth and Hershel climbed into the back.

Once Rick was sure everyone was safe in the cars he started the engine and pulled out from the back of the club house, speeding to the road turning left away from the golf course. I glanced behind out the window happy when I saw the two other cars and Daryl following behind but froze when I saw all the walkers stumbling along the road behind us. It explained now why Rick had turned left.

There were hundreds of walkers surrounding the place all coming from the direction were the housing development was in. they came from the direction we knew Atlanta to be in. we were lucky that we spotted the herd before they got closer to the club house. If we hadn't I wasn't sure we would have even made it out of there without losing anyone. Five minutes longer staying inside the golf club we surly wouldn't have made it out.


	20. Chapter 20

All those walkers surrounding the golf club had been a close call for us. To think that if Kelly hadn't spotted them when she did we may have been over run and eaten alive. Rick would have been gone, Carol would have been gone and this baby wouldn't have had the chance to survive.

"You okay mom?" Carl asked causing me to look up from where my eyes rested on my bump and to the twelve year old beside me. I gave him a soft smile, nodding my head at his words.

"I'm okay Carl," I told him giving him the sad smile as I saw the sadness in his eyes. Everything had changed so fast. Only yesterday morning we were curled up in the couch watching The Lion King and now we were stuck in the car again, stuffed into the back and on the road.

At least we had been expecting it. I couldn't imagine what it would be like if we had to leave the place without any supplies. At least we had time to grab our packs and prepare the cars beforehand. I guess we wouldn't be making any of those mistakes again.

"We're going to be okay mom. Dad will keep us safe." He assured me curling his hand around mine as I gazed out at the passing trees. It didn't occur to me until then that he was probably worried about where his little brother or sister would be brought into the world. We no longer had a safe place to deliver this baby and I knew how that would scare him.

* * *

We didn't stop for two days straight. There may have been toilet breaks or swapping of drivers and on the odd occasion Daryl loading his bike into the bed of the truck so he could get a few hours' sleep, but other than that we drove those two days straight.

Rick pulled over on the second night next to an abandoned shack that we found out to be a side road toilet. We pulled the cars into the makeshift parking lot beside the broken shake and once Rick, T-Dog, Glenn and Daryl cleared the area everyone climbed out and set up camp just on the treeline.

At Hershel's order Glenn and T-Dog managed to tie the spare tarp sheet from the back of the shack to the treeline. It gave us an area of cover under the open skies and a fire was set up just to the side of our improvised tent.

"How are you feeling?" Hershel's voice shook me from looking out into the forest as the others set up the camp around me. I glanced to him, one hand settled on my rounded belly while the other clutched my gun.

"A little tired but that's to be expected right?" I mumbled to him giving him a small smile as I rubbed at the spot where the baby just kicked.

"Has the baby been moving?" he asked and I knew he was just as worried about where this baby would be born as Carl was.

"Every now and then. Won't let me sleep at night." I told him knowing that it would be worse to lie to the man. We both knew that it was a good sign. Baby activity right now was what we both wanted to hear. When the baby stopped moving we had to worry.

"You shouldn't be on your feet, get some rest." He ordered as Rick approached us but I only rolled my eyes at the man.

"I would love to Hershel but unfortunately that baby won't allow me to sleep when the sun's down. He moves to much." I explained to him rubbing at my stomach when the baby backed up my words by spinning around and kicking out.

"Hershel's right, you should sleep." Rick said as he rested his hand on my lower back, rubbing his thumb over the gap between my jeans and shirt.

"It's easy for you to say but you'll understand when I can't," I told him taking his hand on mine and placing it over the bump allowing him to feel the baby. A smile crossed his features when he felt the baby swimming inside me. "Tell me to sleep all you want Rick but this little guy isn't going to listen to you."

"Already disobeying me," he teased pressing a kiss to my lips as he glanced over to Daryl. "Want first or second watch?" he called to the hunter receiving a shrug from the man as he settled down by the fire next to Carol and Kelly. "I'll take first watch then, after we've ate get some rest." he directed his words to everyone at this point but I knew that he was actually speaking to me.

I settled down onto the floor next to Carl and Maggie while Rick stood by the edge of the treeline flicking his eyes between the group and the trees. He was going to be in edge all night until he was sure we would make it through this to reach tomorrow.

Carol handed out bowls of soup – not really appetising but it was better than eating nothing. As I finished my soup I glanced around at the group happy that after everything we had been through that it was these people I had ended up here with. These weren't any random people. We may have started out as strangers but now we were family.

I stood, running my fingers through Carl's hair as I struggled to push myself from the floor but was thankful that Maggie seemed to get the hint and helped me to my feet. I shuffled over to the treeline not far from where Rick stood and gazed out into the darkened trees. I needed a walk but I really didn't want to go out there. I sighed knowing that I really didn't have a choice on what surroundings I could walk around and stepped lightly into the treeline.

"Where are you going?" Rick asked, his hand grabbing at my elbow stopping me from walking any further in. I glanced up at him, rising my eyebrow as his fingers slowly let go of me.

"I'm going for a walk." I told him my tone of voice not leaving much room for him to argue. He knew what I got like when I was in a bad mood and I could feel a bad mood coming on.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Look Rick, you're my husband and I get that but you're not nearly six months pregnant. I can't sit around anymore. The baby won't sleep so I can't try to rest. I'm getting cramp form sitting for too long. I need to stretch my legs and keep moving. If the baby feels me moving he'll relax. If he relaxes I get to sleep." I sighed to him feeling the annoyance at my lack of being able to relax hitting me.

"I'm not letting you go alone," he stressed placing his arm on my shoulder, turning me back towards the camp only to stop when we came face to face with a brunette.

"I'll go with her," Maggie stated resting her hands on her hips lightly as she looked between us. I could tell that Rick was unsure about this. He didn't want me away from him and I understood that. I was pregnant after all but if I spent one more minutes cramped within this camp I was pretty sure someone was going to end up crying – me or someone else I wasn't sure.

"I don't like it," he started but I placed my hand over his cheek stopping him from going on.

"You don't have to like it but you're going to have to get over it. I'll be able to protect myself. I have my gun and I have Daryl's knife. I need to get away Rick." I told him looking in his eyes hoping he would be able to see the desperate need in my eyes.

"I'll watch her Rick. I ain't gonna taker my eyes form her." Maggie assured him gripping the rifle in her hands as she promised this thing to my husband. Rick sighed and I knew then that had given in.

"Stay close and call if you need me." He ordered and we both nodded at his words. I grabbed his hand before I walked away from him. I gave him a soft smile hoping he would be able to see the appreciation I was feeling.

"I'll yell if I need you." I promised him leaning up and giving him a sweet kiss. I pulled back, resting my palm over his cheek as he closed his eyes at the action, his face sinking into my touch. "I love you."

"I love you as well," he mumbled placing a kiss on my head before giving me a nudge towards the forest before he changed his mind.

* * *

"How'd you and Rick meet?" Maggie asked after five minutes of silence. We had been listening out for any walkers or any other dangers that were lurking about.

"I was covering at the hospital and he brought Carl in. The first thing he said to me was 'You're not Dr. Moore'. As if he couldn't point out the obvious. I thought he was my patient at first and you know the first thought I had when I saw him?" I asked her knowing she wouldn't answer but would wait for me to supply the answer for her. "I thought I was going to be a huge cliché and fall in love with my patient. You ever believe in love at first sight? I never did but then Rick walked into my office and took my breath away. I thought it was because I was young and naive, I was nineteen and he was twenty-four, I had never been in a relationship before but I knew from the moment I set my eyes on him I wanted to be with him."

"I wasn't like that with Glenn but there was something about him." She muttered holding her rifle against her shoulder as if it was a safety blanket and I suppose it was now-a-days. "When'd you get together then?" she asked glancing over to me before searching into the darkened area around us.

"Nearly a year later. It was the day before Carl's sixth birthday. I'd been looking after Carl with my Nana a few days after first meeting them both, so I had known them a year. Carl had given me a mother's day card and I showed Rick. We got together when he said he'd get Carl to stop but I told him I would be happy to have Carl as my son. We both took the jump we had been waiting for then. It was like we were both afraid that the feelings we shared weren't real."

"You're great together, I would've thought you were together longer than six years." Maggie mumbled snapping her head in the opposite direction as a twig snapped.

"If you looked at you and Glenn I'd think you've been together for years and not a couple of months." I told her resting my hand lightly on the gun as it settled on my hip just under the coat I had pulled on. "I am sorry Maggie about putting you and Glenn in danger. And your dad and Beth. I never wanted that for the group and we will understand if you have to leave. A baby in this world is sighing the certificate for suicide. We can't and don't expect you to hang around to wait for your death."

"Hey now we already told you that we weren't going to leave you. Family sticks together through shit like this and we ain't leaving you or Carl or Rick or that defenceless baby to face this world without family." She said sternly turning away from the woods to glance at me.

"I'm scared Maggie, I really am. We had the golf club and I was hoping we could stay there until this baby was born but now we have nowhere. It wasn't safe to have this baby in a safe place but now that we have nowhere to go it's definitely not safe. It's not safe to have this baby out here. It wasn't safe in the world before this and we're all fooling ourselves that pregnancy and the birth will go smoothly." I choked back the tears and clenched my hands tightly as I finally let out what had been on my mind since finding out about the baby. As the baby grew we were safe but now we weren't and all these fears were eating at me. "I think I'm going to die bringing this baby into the world Maggie. I know you'll tell me that I'm being stupid but the risks are so high and I want you to promise me that if I do die that you'll put a bullet in my head. I can't have Rick doing that. I can't let him do that. It'll rip him apart and I need him to focus on the baby. So please Maggie, if I die giving birth to this baby promise me you'll end it before Rick can."

"I can't do that. You can't-"

"Promise me!" I begged her looking up at her face taking her in carefully now. I had wanted to avoid looking at her when I asked her this but I needed her to see that I meant it. I could see the tears shining in her eyes and knew that it pained her to listen to my words. "Promise me Maggie. I can't let Rick do it, he'd break."

"Okay," she muttered finally answering me demanding begs. She gave me a tearful smile that didn't really reach her eyes but I knew that she meant it. "I promise you."

"Thank you," I sighed out feeling that a large weight had been lifted from my shoulders now that I knew Maggie would be the one to end my life if I was to die giving birth to this baby. It made me feel better knowing that Rick wouldn't have to be responsible for it. "Maggie I'm so-"

"Well look what we got 'ere," a voice called out causing both me and Maggie to snap in the direction the voice came from. There were five men standing behind us, leaning against the trees as they peered down at us. They were all holding onto their guns and that made me feel slightly panicked and afraid. I hadn't realised how far from the group we had travelled until then. "Grab the brunette but don't lay a hand on the pregnant chick." I assumed he was their leader as he gave out the orders.

All four of the other men followed his orders, one guy grabbing hold of Maggie, pulling her against his chest as he wrapped one arm around her shoulders, trapping her arms. She grunted out in annoyance but settled her eyes on me as the three other men spread themselves between us. One guy, bald like the one that had hold of Maggie stood close to them while two other guys came closer to me, aiming their guns at me.

The leader, a guy with greying hair stepped over then, his hands resting on his hips as he stood in front of me blocking Maggie from my view. His eyes were a dull brown but I could see something wicked in his eyes. He was getting a thrill out of this and I knew that he was just like Dave and Tony and the group they were with.

"You the group from the golf course?" he asked tipping his head to the side as he looked down at me. I kept my face neutral not wanting to give anything away. I was thankful that I had been with a police officer for six years – it helped that he had trained me to stay calm in dangerous situations. I always complained that he worried too much but now I was thankful. "Not going to answer? It's alright we've been following you since ya left. Watched you for a few weeks. Was planning to kill the men and take the woman. Guess you ain't no use to us knocked up but at least we know you put out."

His words had me gritting my teeth and from what I could hear Maggie didn't like his words either as she struggled against the man holding her. I rested my hand on my belly, rubbing it slightly but moving it to the side were I had my knife resting. My fingers brushed against the handle of the knife but I didn't give away that I had reached for the knife.

"Twelve of ya in a group. Six woman, we could do with ya, god we 'aven't seen a woman since this outbreak. We saw that them men got themselves some lookers." He slowly brought his hand up, brushing his fingers over my face and I didn't flinch back knowing that he would want that. "Saw the boy as well. We could keep him, maybe he'd make a great toy. I'm sure some of my men would like to rough him up. We'll turn him into a wolf. He looks young enough to be trained. A few beatings and good old little torture would make him a great play thing." Something in me snapped at his words and before I could think about doing it I had already plunged my knife into his stomach.

He gasped out in pain alerting the others that I had attacked him without them noticing. I looked the man in the eye as I twisted the knife hoping to pass all my anger into the action. His eyes widened at the action and I was happy to see that he was in agony.

"You'll be thankful I ended you're life. You speak about or even think about my son and you'll wish I didn't leave you suffering." I spat at him yanking out the knife just as I felt one of his men coming up to us. I spun as quickly as I could with the large bump sticking out my stomach and shoved the knife through the man's chin as he got close enough.

The man slumped against me and I was happy that he wasn't as large as the other four. I held his weight against my body ready to drop him on the floor when I heard a gun going off and then realising that I was being shot at. I held the man against me using him as a shield before placing my feet carefully and taking a deep breath. I only had one chance to do this but I knew that Rick would be making his way towards us already.

Listening to the gunshots carefully I figured out that the shooter was standing opposite me and shoved the man off me with as much strength I could muster up. As the man flew backwards I glanced over to Maggie seeing that she had taken the chance to disarm the man holding her, using his own gun to shot him in the head. She was now struggling against the other bald guy and I knew that I had to move fast.

I glanced back to the shooter happy to see that he had fallen to the ground as his dead friend collapsed into him. Before he even had the chance to regain himself and get to his feet I pulled my gun from my hip and fired off a round. He slumped to the floor under his dead companion and I was satisfied that he was actually dead.

"Fay!" Maggie called out I panic and I snapped my eyes back to her only to feel horror wash through me when I saw her on the floor, disarmed and the bald guy standing over her. He had one foot pressed to her stomach so she couldn't get up while he stood over her with his gun aimed at her head.

I aimed my gun at him as I rushed forward but missed, hitting his shoulder instead of his head like I had aimed. He stumbled back, removing his foot from Maggie as he did so. She rushed away from him, grabbing her rifle and staggering to her feet until she was leaning against a tree. The man turned around to face me, his gun raised and I knew he was ready to aim. Before he could think about it I pulled the trigger watching him fall and call out as my bullet hit his kneecap.

"You made a mistake," I whispered to him walking over to where he knelt on the ground until I was standing in front of him. His eyes were tearing up as he glanced up at me and when I looked into his dark eyes I knew that he felt nothing. He didn't feel anything when he had Maggie pushed down on the floor and I knew he wouldn't feel anything when he killed her. He had done this before. He had killed before. "You're a monster," I hissed at him bringing my knife up at planting it into the top of his head.

I felt the blood spray across my face and sunk to my knees as the man fell backwards, my knife slipping from his head as I clung onto it. It seemed everything was finally catching up to me. I had done too much in so little time.

"Impressive," the leader grunted out making me realise that he was still alive. I had forgot that I had kept him alive. I glanced over to him feeling blood soak through my clothes as I shifted. "Strong you are." I almost rolled my eyes at his words. Was he quoting Yoda? Really? "We could … have used you."

"I'm not like you," I told him shaking my head as I felt Maggie stumble over to me. "I'm not a monster." The main chuckled at my words and I could feel his pain as he stopped to breathe deeply.

""Sweetheart you just killed three of my men without blinking." He groaned out speaking quickly as his hand pressed against his wound.

"I killed them for a different reason you would kill someone. You would kill to gain power, to stay powerful. I killed to protect my family. I killed them to stop them from touching my son, to stop them from hurting the people I care about. I killed your men to protect the people I love. That's what makes us different. You don't know what love is, you're too far gone from even caring."

"And you don't think you will be?" he questioned pushing himself up and leaning back against a tree to look at us better. His hands were pressed against his stomach and I could see the blood soaking through the gaps in his fingers. "You think you'll be able to live in this world without killing more people?"

"No I don't but I do know that every time I take a life from someone it will be to protect my family. I won't do it because I can like you do. I'll do it to protect my own." I spat at him hearing the calls of Rick as he grew closer to us. I knew he would be here within seconds and for that I was thankful. "I've done the world a good deed. I've stopped you and you're men from hurting other people."

"I'm still alive sweetheart." He stated waving one arm over his body as he looked over to me. His eyes lost the light in them when he took in my face.

"No." I told him gripping the gun in my hand tightly as I raised it and let the bullet enter his head with a loud pop. "You're not."

"Maggie!" Glenn's voice rung out reaching us just seconds before the man himself did. I turned to watch as Glenn, Rick and Daryl entered the area we were in, their movements slowing as they saw the five men lying on the floor surrounding us. Glenn glanced at the men before dropping down to his knees by Maggie's side, bringing her into his arms. "What happened?" he asked looking over to me before dropping his eyes to the dead man in front of me.

"Fay, honey are you okay?" Rick mumbled softly crouching down beside me, his fingers grazing against my cheek lightly.

"They attacked us," Maggie whispered out pulling from Glenn's arms as she looked to the dead men around us before looking to Rick. "She killed them Rick." she said bluntly moving away from Glenn as she stood to her feet and walked over to the leader I had killed seconds before the men had arrived. "He was their leader. He's been following us, a few weeks now but they were there when the golf course fell."

"What?" Daryl sounded confused and I knew he was blaming himself in that moment for not noticing that we had been watched and followed.

"He said they were going to kill you all, take us woman and Carl. They said they would-" her voice cracked and she broke off at the thought of the words that were spoken.

"He said they would take Carl and … and use him as a play thing." I glanced away from Maggie then and looked to my husband feeling the tears in my eyes now as the leaders words settled in my head. "I'm a monster for killing them," I cried out feeling my shoulders shake as a sob racked through me. "I killed them without feeling anything."

"Hey, hey you're not a monster," Rick assured me pulling me into his arms and I felt safe when he wrapped them tightly around me. I buried my face into his chest as his hands ran up my back and he pressed his lips to my hair.

"Rick's right," Maggie told me and I felt her drop down next to me, setting her hand on my lower back as I turned my head on Rick's chest to look at her. "You told that man that you killed his men to protect your family. You did it to keep us safe. So you think Carl would have survived if they did … if they took us? He'll live a better life because you stopped some vile men from taking him. I killed a man tonight as well, I did it to protect our family just like you. We are not monsters. You are not a monster." I nodded at her words and closed my eyes to stop the tears from falling.

It wouldn't do for us to return to the group for them to see us a wreck like this. It was bad enough that me and Maggie were going to return covered in blood. I opened my eyes again, giving her a soft smile as I took her hand in mine.

"We should get back. I'm sure they are worried about us." I mumbled feeling Rick nod as he helped me to my feet. I was sticky with blood and it made me feel sick. "I bet Carl's worried isn't he?" I asked Rick as he took my hand in his after he took the knife from me.

"Wanted to come with us so he could get to you." He told me running his thumb over the back of my hand as Daryl led us back to the group. "T-Dog had to hold him back and Hershel was talking to him when we left."

"I know you're not happy that we left but I'd rather it was just me and Maggie there and no one else. I'm not sure how they would have acted if it was the whole group." I told him resting my head against his arm as we continued to walk. We really had walked further away than I thought.

"I'm impressed that you managed to kill four of them," he grumbled and I could hear the anger in his voice. It wasn't directed at me but at the fact that I had to kill four of them.

"Should have seen how fast she moved," Maggie stated and I was sure there was a smile on her lips. "One minute she was stabbing a guy in the gut and the next she had already killed two men and was shooting at the guy that had me pinned to the floor."

"Moves fast for a pregnant lady," Daryl mumbled glancing back at us with a smirk on his face. His crossbow was raised ready to fire if we came across another threat.

"Taught her everything she knows," Rick told them and I could tell that he was wearing a smirk like Daryl. I rolled my eyes and shook my head at his words but smiled along with him.

"And I'm thankful," I mumbled pressing my lips to his arm even though I knew he wouldn't feel it.

"I think we shouldn't stay the night," Glenn's words sounded realistic but it didn't make me feel happy knowing I'd have to be stuck in the car again.

"I agree," Rick muttered squeezing my hand tightly in his as the fire form camp lit up the surrounding area. I would guarantee that within the next hour we would be on the move again.


	21. Chapter 21

"I heard dad talking to Hershel," Carl muttered dropping down next to me as we waited by the side of the road. Rick had stopped the cars so we could all stretch our legs. After last night Rick didn't want to hang around in case there were others. "He said you killed those men," I glanced to him then before looking away at the road we had driven down. I heard him sigh beside me and I didn't know what he was thinking about. "I don't think you're a monster mom. I know what must be going through your head. I thought the same things when I killed Shane but I know that you are not a monster." He settled his hand on mine lightly giving it a light squeeze as he rested his head against my shoulder.

"Do you know why I did it?" I asked him turning my head so it was resting against his lightly. I caught Rick's eye as he walked over to Hershel talking to him lightly but his eyes stayed connected with mine before looking away at the older man. He shook his head and I knew that he was too young to actually understand but I knew he should know. "I did it to protect you, to protect the others. Those men were going to take me and Maggie, they were going to take Carol, Amy, Kelly and Beth. They were going to take you and kill the others. They were going to take us all away from each other and kill your dad. Kill Hershel and Glenn and Daryl and T-Dog. I couldn't let that happen so I stopped them." I could feel the tears slipping down my cheeks at my words. Carl moved away from my shoulder then and looked up at me. He lifted his hand, wiping away the tears before giving me a soft smile.

"I would have done the same thing. Dad would have done the same thing. I think anyone would have done the same thing if it meant keeping this family safe and alive." He assured me and I smiled through the tears and brought him close to my chest. He shouldn't be saying these words to me, I should be the one to comfort him. He was too young to be comforting me.

"You shouldn't have to make that choice," I whispered to him pressing my lips to his hair as I held him close to me.

"I might have to make that choice one day mom. If I have to protect you I would kill anyone that got in our way. When that baby's born if I have to protect him I will kill to do that." He didn't struggle with his words. His voice didn't crack, he didn't cry and I knew he meant every word. I didn't want him to think he had to make that choice but I knew at the end of the day he would still be thinking about it.

"You know Hershel thinks this baby's going to come in May," I told him changing the subject hoping he would forget about what he had just said. I didn't want him growing too far from humanity that the decision to take someone's life didn't need to be thought about. "Hopefully not on your birthday but babies decide when they want to come out so maybe this one wants to share your birthday with you." I teased him ruffling his hair as he scowled at my words.

"Do you really think this baby will be born on my birthday?" he asked and I knew that his mind had been taken off of what he had said seconds before. I smiled at his words as stood slowly from floor.

"I don't know baby, but look how fast he's growing," I muttered to him running my hand over the bump as I looked down to him. I could see him glancing up at me form where he sat, his eyes squinting as he looked over the bump that was sticking out of my stomach. It looked like I had a large watermelon sticking out of my stomach now or maybe a large pumpkin. Seeing as I was small before I fell pregnant it was more obvious that there was a baby growing inside me.

"I hope he waits until after my birthday. I wouldn't mind sharing with him but I'd like to have my birthday to myself." He mumbled getting to his feet as he placed his hand against the bump where his little brother or sister was kicking wildly. The baby did that a lot around Carl or Rick, he could hear them now and it seemed he was used to their voices. "I might be the only one left in the world with my birthday," he added and I could hear the sadness laced within his voice.

"Let's get back to the car," I sighed softly, placing my hand on his shoulder as I pushed him away from the edge of the road and over to the others. I didn't need him thinking about the lack of people that lived in this world.

* * *

It was exhausting. I knew that everyone else felt the same way but I felt like I couldn't move anymore. I glanced to Beth at my side as she ran her hand over my lower back and I cringed when a sharp pain shot through my lower stomach.

"Are you okay?" Beth asked glancing down at me when I squeezed her hand and breathed out through my teeth. "Daddy!" she called out alerting Hershel to the fact that I was in pain.

"What's wrong?" he asked coming to our side within seconds, Maggie following him as he crouched down in front of me.

"Just Braxton Hicks," I assured him sucking in a breath and straightening up as the pain went away. "Don't worry Hershel,"

"What's going on?" Rick questioned as he stopped beside Maggie looking to me carefully. I could see that he was taking in the way I had my hand rested on the bump and how Beth was standing close to me like she had been supporting me. "Is it the baby?"

"False labour," Hershel muttered to him climbing to his feet before pressing his fingers lightly to my stomach. I knew he was checking to make sure I wasn't lying because we both knew that I wouldn't alert my pain to the group.

"Are you sure?" Rick asked carefully glancing between me and Hershel before settling his eyes on the vet.

"Seems about right, she's about thirty-two weeks. She should be getting them later but with us running around all the time the stress is probably getting to the baby." Hershel told him moving his hand from my stomach and looking to Rick with a small smile. "We'll need to worry if her waters break. If she has this baby now there might be some problems."

"What sort of problems?" my husband asked glancing between the two of us as he waited for us to answer. Hershel looked to me and I knew he was asking if I had a problem with Rick knowing. Beth, Maggie, Amy and Carol knew what problems could be caused by the baby coming early and although Kelly had never helped deliver a baby she knew of the problems of premature labour. Rick should know as well. It was his baby as well and I was his wife. I nodded my head at Hershel before resting it against Beth's shoulder as she rubbed my back gentle.

"If the baby comes now we have no idea if he'll survive. A term baby is thirty-seven weeks up to forty and they have the most likely chance of surviving. If she had this baby now he might not have developed all his organs, his lungs might collapse and he'll die. Most babies born between thirty-two weeks to thirty-six need some sort of extra care. We can't give that to him Rick. We have no hospitals and there are no incubators for him." Hershel told him and I could see the pain and anger flash across Rick's face. I knew he was blaming himself for this. He always placed the blame on his shoulders.

"And what about Fay?" he questioned and I knew he was thinking it would be along the lines of 'she will die'.

"I should be alright if my waters break. The risk for me isn't as bad as it is for the baby. I'll probably make it through premature labour but there are other things stopping me from having a safe labour. My risks are losing too much blood when the baby's born or getting an infection after the birth. I'll need to be watched after having the baby as well because it's another thing I could die from. It's exhausting having a baby Rick, I could die from the exhaustion." I told him looking at Hershel after I spoke. He knew I wanted Maggie to be there when I had the baby. She had promised me that she would kill me if I was going to die and she hadn't forgotten that promise.

"It should be alright Rick. I've been training Carol and Amy to help with the birth and Kelly will be there as well. Plus Beth and Maggie will be there to help, they won't leave her side until that baby's born. Fay and the baby will have six of us there for the birth and I'm sure you'll be there as well. That's seven people and six of them are prepared for this." Hershel stated and I knew that he was trying to ease the panic that had probably set within my husband's mind.

"Should be," Rick grumbled before looking around at the gas station we had broken into for the night. Since leaving the golf club almost nine weeks ago we had been living mainly on the road and staying in random building we had been passing along the way. Last month it was a house in a wrecked neighbourhood, last week a removal truck and tonight a gas station. When there wasn't anywhere for us to hole up we would sleep in the cars, which wasn't very comfortable as we'd have to sleep sitting up. Gave you a hell of a backache. "You should all get some rest. Me and Daryl will take first watch." It was always the same. Rick and Daryl would take the first watch and would stand guard until Glenn and T-Dog swapped shifts. Half the time I worried that the two of them weren't getting enough sleep.

* * *

"How you feeling?" Rick asked glancing over to me before flicking his eyes back to the road. I knew he was getting worried with each passing day and week. Soon this baby was going to coma and it wasn't going to wait for us to find somewhere safe.

"Tired, sore, uncomfortable. I'm not sure how much longer this baby will stay inside Rick. I'm not sure I can grow to make more room for him. I'm large enough as it is, I'm like a whale large." I muttered to him resting my head against the window as Carl and Beth played a game of card in the back with Carol. As Hershel had said either Maggie or Beth would be with me at all times so the girl had decided to travel with us for the last two weeks. "I'm thirty-four weeks and I look like I should be full term."

"I think everything will be fine." Beth said from the back leaning forward against Rick's chair so she could rest her hand against my shoulder. "Daddy won't let anything happen."

"Thanks Beth," I whispered wincing when the baby sent a kick straight at my ribs. "Baby's got strong feet," I grunted shifting in my seat to try and get comfortable. My stomach was heavy now and it weighed down on my like a ton of bricks. I felt that I looked ridiculous with this small undernourished body and this huge bump sticking out of my middle. "Where we going?" I asked as Rick turned off to the right slowing down the car as he followed Daryl down a dirt path.

"Daryl's seen something," he told us his hands clenching around the wheel as a house appeared at the end of the dirt road. "Beth, Carol stay in the car with Fay. Carl come with me." He ordered climbing out of the car giving me one last glance before joining Daryl, Glenn, Maggie and T-Dog.

They stood outside the house a little away from the doors speaking for a few minutes before Glenn and Maggie walked off and the other four walked over to the doors. I watched with worry as Carl followed Rick into the house and only hoped that the boy would be okay.

"He'll be fine," Carol assured me clutching her gun tightly to her chest as she glanced out the window checking on the surrounding area. We could never be too careful. Carol climbed out of the car after seeing Hershel, Amy and Kelly do the same thing and started grabbing our bags from the back handing them out just as Rick appeared in the doorway of the house whistling us over.

Carol led the way followed by Beth while Hershel walked beside me and Kelly and Amy took the rear. It always went that way when we moved into a new place for the night. Rick, Daryl, Glenn, Maggie, T-Dog and Carl would clear the area and then the rest of us would go in if given the clear but I would always be put in the middle of the group. They were protecting me and the baby.

I managed the stairs with Hershel's help, looking to Rick with a stressed smile as I walked passed him. It hurt to walk but I wasn't going to let that stop me. This was a place we could stay for the night that didn't mean sleeping in the car and I would take that.

We ended up in what I think was meant to be the living room. There was no furniture to indicate what room we were in but the large fire place let me believe that this would be the living room. I settled down on the floor with a little bit of struggling and help from Beth and seconds later Carol placed a jar of peanut butter in my hand.

Everyone was placing their sleeping blankets on the floor when Carl entered, two cans in his hands. I noticed that they were dog food and felt myself deflate a little. Is this what it had come to? Eating dog food? I could tell that Beth felt the same way as her eyes settled on the two cans and glanced up to Hershel noting that he didn't look to happy about the idea either.

Carl started opening the cans and I glanced to Rick as I felt him move across the room where he had been looking out the window. I could tell from his face that he wasn't impressed and he quickly grabbed the open can from the floor looking it over. It was quiet as we all watched him and I knew that everyone was wondering what was going through his head.

I jumped when he threw the can into the open fireplace and dropped my head so he wouldn't be able to see the worried expression I probably had on my face. He didn't say anything just glanced around at everyone as I lifted my head slightly to watch him. He was telling us all that we deserved more. I was going to say something to him then but T-Dog whistled alerting us to something outside.

We had barely sat down for a few minutes and we were already up again moving because there were walkers. It seemed they had taken a liking to following us the last few days. We couldn't rest much because every time we did they would soon be following.

I grabbed my bag ignoring the looks Hershel and Rick sent my way and ran to the door ready to leave again. Carl, Beth and Carol followed behind me while Rick took the rear making sure everyone got out the house.

I wasn't sure how much more of this I could handle. Always running and not being able to rest. If it wasn't good for me then it was good for the baby.

* * *

The cars stopped twenty minutes down the road and I watched as Rick checked the area before climbing out of the car. Everyone followed him and I watched as our usual plan ran out. It was always like this now since leaving the golf club. I would have to stay in the car while a few of the group guarded the area and the others decided where to go.

Beth stood by my open door, an axe held tightly in her hands while Amy guarded the other side of the car and Kelly stood facing the back, looking out at the road we had just drove down. Carl would run to the front of the road, keeping look out while the others would stay on guard but decide our next movements. It was all planned out.

I felt someone's eyes on me and glanced up to see Rick looking my way before looking away and down at the map. I sighed pulling myself from the car ignoring the way Kelly snapped her head towards me giving me a glare that told me to stay in the car. Beth followed me as I made my way over to Rick and Hershel catching Hershel's words as I moved.

"She can't take much more of this moving about." The older man told my husband as they shared a look. I knew the man cared but I could handle it for as long as it was needed.

"Well, what else can we do, let her give birth on the run?" Rick asked him and I could hear the aggravation in his voice. He was growing irritable because he couldn't find a place for me to have this baby. Hershel gave him a sad look as he gentle placed his hand on Rick's shoulder in a fatherly manner.

"You see a way around that?" he asked him before walking off furrowing his eyebrows at me when he saw me standing not too far away. Rick's eyes fell on me then and I gave him a small smile knowing that he would be scolding me any minute for getting out of the car.

"Why aren't you in the car?" he asked shaking away the look of worry on his face as he leant forward and placed a light kiss on my lips. I rolled my eyes at him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I needed to stretch, baby was kicking like hell," I told him pressed a kiss to the side of his mouth smiling as his beard tickled my cheek. I couldn't help but sigh out in pleasure at the feel of his beard scratching against my skin.

"He's letting us know he's still here and strong," Rick stated resting his cheek against mine as he held me close to him. The fine hairs on his face sent a shiver up my back and I nuzzled my cheek closer to mine sighing again and closing my eyes as I rested against him. "You like that?" he asked his voice turning huskily as he pulled away and looked down at me. I must have had a hungry look in my eye if I was to go by the way he kissed me after that.

His kisses always made me forget that the world had turned to shit and there were dead people trying to eat us. He made me feel safe with these kisses and I was thankful that after everything we had gone through we still had each other.

"Hey, if you two are finished we should go hunting. I ain't waiting around while the others wash their panties. Let's go hunt. That owl didn't exactly hit the spot." Daryl said looking between the two of us as he pulled a face. I shook my head at him but Rick pulled away nodding at his words. I grabbed his hand before he could follow the hunter into the woods.

"We're going to be fine Rick," I told him giving him a true smile this time. I really did believe that we would be okay. "You'll see,"

* * *

I was back in the car again but this time Hershel was giving me a small check-up something he had taken to doing every day at least three times a day. I knew that he was worried about me and the baby just as much as Rick was.

"You seem to be doing fine," he mumbled after he finished counting my heart rate, dropping his wrist which held his watch as he looked at me carefully.

"I feel fine Hershel. Actually I feel a lot better this week than I did two weeks ago. I'm pretty sure that this baby won't stay till full term though. Have you seen the size of me?" I asked laughing at my words happy to see that the man had smiled as well.

"I think you can grow bigger. Hopefully we'll come across some food within the next day. I'd like to get you eating more before this baby comes. It wouldn't hurt." He said ignoring my words as he ordered me around. I sometimes felt that this man was my father and not just a friend.

"We're going to be fine Hershel. Trust me, I said the same thing to Rick. We are all going to be fine." I stated to him feeling for once since this all happened that we were all going to be fine.

T-Dog, Carol, Amy and Kelly walked over then, bottles full of water from the creek but we were all stopped when Rick and Daryl returned quicker than we thought, Rick smiling for once since leaving the golf club. His smile looked true, not like he was forcing it.

"We think we've found somewhere," he told us not giving us time to question him as he ordered everyone to get in the cars.

* * *

"A prison?" I asked not sure how I felt about it. Rick glanced to me quickly before pulling the car to a stop just outside the gate, the others following his lead. We all left the cars, bags on our shoulders and weapons at the ready.

As Rick and Daryl rushed over to the fence, Hershel, Carol, Beth, Amy and Carl made a formation around me while Glenn, Maggie, Kelly and T-Dog killed any of the walkers that got too close. I was getting a little tired being treated like a fragile piece of china but I knew that they were all doing it for the baby. They wanted to keep us safe.

"Watch the backside!" Rick shouted glancing back at us before cutting at the fence again, Daryl watching his back.

"Got it," me and Kelly called out at the same time sending each other a smile as Rick held open the fence waving Daryl through. Hershel followed through with Beth following him and I smiled as she reached a hand out for Carl. Maggie slipped in followed by Glenn and Carol followed him as I felt Amy settle her hand on my back as I approached the fence. I glanced down as I entered and tried to hide the smile as Rick pulled the fence further away so it would scratch at my stomach. Amy went in after me, her knife ready in case we needed to fight and Kelly slipped in just as Rick looked back to T-Dog.

"Hurry, hurry," he called out to the man rushing to following him through as the walkers stumbled towards us. Glenn and Daryl rushed to close the fence with some wire before Rick lead us down a sort of alley created between the two fences of the prison.

Daryl rushed ahead of him and I knew that we wanted to be able to protect us if needed. He would never admit it but he cared about us.

Every time my feet dropped on the floor I winced as my hips were shot with a sharp pain. I shouldn't be running, it hurt move than walking but I needed to be done. We soon made it to a gate, a large bus turned over in front of it and I felt sorry for anyone that had been on that bus. It must have happened during the beginning.

"It's perfect." Rick mumbled out looking around at the yard with a hint of a smile on his face. "If we can shut that gate, prevent more from filling the yard, we can pick off these walkers. We'll take the field by tonight." He told everyone and I knew that he had this plan in his head before we had even reached the prison as a group.

"So how do we shut the gate?" Hershel asked and I knew that Rick had already decided what was going to be done about it. He had it all planned out in his head and he just needed to give out the orders.

"I'll do it." Glenn volunteered and I could see that Maggie disliked that as she glanced over to the man. "You guys cover me." He looked to Rick waiting to see if the man agreed with him

"No, it's a suicide run." Maggie said to him and I could see the concern flash across her face. She didn't want him out there but I knew that he wouldn't be doing it anyway.

"I'm the fastest." He argued trying to get her to see his logic behind the words he had spoken.

"No. You, Maggie and Beth draw as many as you can over there, pop them through the fence." He told them point to the fence we had just ran passed a few seconds ago. He turned to Daryl then nodding to the man slightly before continuing with his orders. "Daryl, go back to the other tower." He pointed to the tower we had passed on our way here before looking to Carol, resting his hand on her shoulder. "Carol, you've become a pretty good shot, take your time, we don't have a lot of ammo to waste." Carol nodded at his words before picking up her rifle and following Daryl to the tower. "Hershel, you and Carl, take this tower." He muttered pointing to tower that loomed over us.

"Alright." Carl nodded at his dad words before leading Hershel to the tower leaving me, Kelly, Amy and T-Dog without our ordered. Rick glanced to Kelly, eyeing the rifle in her hands before nodding his head.

"Kelly, go with Carl and Hershel, help them in the tower." She gave him a smile before following the two men into the tower. "T-Dog help with Glenn and the others, we need to draw as many as them to the gates as we can." He told the man before glancing to Amy and nodding at the knife in her hands. "You stay by Fay's side and you don't leave her." He ordered her and I could hear the warning behind his voice. He glanced to me and I knew what he was going to say next. "I'll run for the gate."

His words almost brought a chuckle from me because he sounded so disappointed about it but I knew and he knew that he'd rather it was him than anyone else. Glenn handed him over some metal clips that would help him keep the gate closed and I smiled softly at the man as he rushed off with Maggie, Beth and T-Dog to distract the walkers.

Me and Amy followed Rick to the gate and I watched him carefully as he glanced around, making sure everyone was in their positions before he glanced to me. I gripped the metal fence in my hands, locking my eyes with his and holding my breath as he sent me a nod. With his nod I slid the gate open big enough for him to slip through before shutting it closed again and stepping away.

Amy pulled me to the side fence so I could watch him as he made his way through the walker infested yard. I could feel my heart beating heavily in my chest as I watched his movements through the yard. I was aware of every walker that got close to him and felt myself stop breathing when he came close to being grabbed by one from behind. I was thankful for Daryl and that stupid crossbow when an arrow went through the walkers head. Through all the gunfire and the shouting I almost missed it when Rick clipped the clasps around the gate and locking it to the fence, before rushing into the other tower.

I slumped forward in relief happy when I saw him appear at the top of the tower. If was overwhelming knowing that someone was so close from almost dying but being able to make it through without being harmed. And after everything Rick had been through I was happy to know that he was still safe.

"Light it up!" Daryl yelled waving his hand around him indicating that everyone should just fire on the walkers now. Amy pulled her gun from her hip and I followed her actions, gripping onto the gun tightly as I fired into the head of a close walker.

The yard was full of the banging of the gunfire and when the last shot rang out it seemed to echo through my ears. It was ringing around my head and I felt like it was congratulating us for managing this without anyone getting harmed.

"We did it," Amy muttered placing her hand on my shoulder gently, giving it a squeeze as Carl and Hershel climbed down the tower, Kelly on their heels. Just as they were coming out of the tower door, Carol came round the corner followed by Daryl. They both had smiles on their faces and I could tell that they were happy as well.

"We did," I whispered back as the Carol and Carl walked through the now open gate to join Rick as they others followed me and Amy through.

"We haven't had this much space since we left the farm!" Carol called out spinning in a circle causing me to smile at her actions.

"We had the golf club!" Kelly called out bumping against Daryl's shoulder as she chuckled at Carol when the older lady rolled her eyes. Carol had been right though. We may have had space at the golf club but we never ventured out into it, staying in the building. It wasn't like the farm, because there were no fences to keep the walkers from us.

000

Tonight as we all settled around the burning fire I felt safe. There hadn't been a time since the world went to shit that I had felt safe but tonight I did. It may have been the two sets of fences protecting us from the walkers around us or it may have been because we had all made it here in once piece but whatever it was I was happy.

Once we were sure that the place was secure from walkers, the cars were pulled up into the boxed area spaced by the gate and tower. They were facing out towards the road in case we needed to make a fast get away but I felt like we didn't needed to be worried tonight.

There wasn't much being left behind in the cars seeing as we had used all the food over the last couple of weeks but we were keeping some water, medical supplies and clothes in the trunks in case we couldn't all grab our bags.

The fire crackled next to me and I glanced around at the group happy that they all had smiles on their faces. I smiled at T-Dog's desire to dig a cannel under the fence so we would have a fresh supply of water and my smile only grew when Hershel started talking about farming. I shifted my eyes over to Rick and felt my smile fall as I saw him pacing along the fence looking for any sign of a possible break in.

"That's his third time around. If there was any part of it compromised, he'd have found it by now." Hershel's words felt heavy as I took them in and for some reason I thought he was talking to me trying to get me to do something about my husband's actions. I glanced over to the man locking eyes with him as I gave him a sad smile.

"He's just worried," I told him resting my hand on my bump as I glanced back over to Rick. He always overworked himself. Daryl had gone round the area already and he was on watch with Carol now. They would be ready for any threat but Rick would still worry.

"This will be a good place to have the baby." Beth said leaning towards me, setting her hand on my arm as I smiled at her slightly. "Safe." That one word made me sigh deeply. Would we really be safe here? We had thought we were safe in other places but they always screwed us over in the end. We always ended up on the run without somewhere safe to stay. I glanced down to my hand that rested lightly on the bump and wondered if this would be safe like Beth said. We needed it to be safe. We needed to be safe.


	22. Chapter 22

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter and please REVIEW! xxx Comet96 xxx**

* * *

"How's my little girl today?" Rick asked running his hand over the large bump that housed our child. I glanced up at him a soft smile on my face even when I thought about what he was about to do. Although he was about to go and clear the other yard of walkers I couldn't help but love him for what he was doing now. He was trying to calm me down so it wouldn't affect the baby.

"A girl now?" I questioned running my hands through his hair as I looked up at him. "I thought you said it was a boy," he shook his head at my words a small smile on his face. "What changed your mind?" I asked wanting to know what had him thinking we were having a girl.

"I had a dream." He stated running his fingers over the roundness of my stomach. I frowned when the baby didn't react to his movements. Normally the baby would react to anyone touching my belly or Rick's voice. When the baby heard Rick or Carl they would kick out. But there was nothing. "You were holding this little girl, she had your hair and my eyes but she had Carl's smile and no doubt his attitude."

"Bet she had you wrapped around her finger," I whispered smiling at the thought of how gentle Rick would be with a little girl to care for.

"Just like her mother," he replied pressing a kiss to my forehead as he glanced over to Daryl and Glenn as the stood getting ready to enter the other yard.

"If I had you wrapped around my finger you wouldn't go in there today. You'd let us count our eggs before going in there." I muttered pulling away from him and wrapping my arms around my chest, resting them on my bump as I looked at the walkers roaming around the yard.

"We need to go in there Fay. I need to get you in there." He pressed resting his hand on my elbows as he bent lightly to look into my eyes blocking the walkers from my view.

"Everything's alright at the moment Rick, if we keep pressing forward … I don't know how long that will last." He closed his eyes at my words, tilting his head down before sighing deeply before glancing back up at me.

"This baby will be coming within a month but Hershel said you could have it any day now because of the stress. Inside that building is an infirmary and a cafeteria, which means medical supplies and food. If I can get that for you to keep both you and the baby safe then I will. I need to do this. I need to do this." He didn't leave much room for argument, pressing a kiss to my lips before walking off and taking the knife Daryl handed him.

I bit my lips trying to hold in the tears but couldn't keep my eyes form him as he checked that his gun was on him and he had another knife to use. I didn't want to watch him but I was afraid that something would go wrong inside there and this would be the last time I saw him.

"He'll be okay mom," Carl told me taking my hand in his and lightly pulling me over to the fence where Hershel, Beth, Carol, Kelly, Amy, Carl and me would try to distract the walkers so Rick, Daryl, Glenn, Maggie and T-Dog could get in without much hassle.

"I know," I mumbled clenching my knife in my hand as Carol opened the gate for the others to run through. I knew that it would go okay, I could feel it but I didn't want anything to go wrong. There was always that risk and I didn't think we needed to take that risk today.

* * *

When Rick and the others pressed further into the prison I couldn't help but worry. He had told me that they would only be clearing out the yard not going into the prison without telling us first. I knew that they would be alright but I didn't like having him out of my sight.

"You should be resting," Hershel said coming up beside me as I rested against the fence waiting for Rick and the others to appear from the door that lead into the prison.

"I am resting," I muttered to him not taking my eyes from the door I had watched my husband disappear through almost twenty minutes ago.

"Leaning against a fence full of worry isn't resting," Hershel replied and I could feel him giving me a stern look. "I know how you feel, my daughter and Glenn are in there. I can't help but worry and the others are our family as well so I worry about them but this isn't good for you."

"If I sit down will you leave me be?" I asked pushing away from the fence to look at the man. He was sporting a beard now, like Rick but I decided that the look suited both men better than their clean shaven faces. Hershel's beard was move grown than Rick considering my husband had shaved before we left the golf club.

"I'm just making sure that baby stays safe," he mumbled resting his hand on my shoulder before helping me to the floor where I leant back against the fence. I rested my hand over the bump and looked up at the farmer as he glanced down at me. I should tell him about the baby but I didn't want to worry him more. If the baby still didn't move by tomorrow I would tell him then.

"I'm taking care of the baby Hershel. You should relax as well. I've been keeping you on your feet the last few weeks, you deserve an hour's rest at the least." I told him glancing back at the door where Rick had wandered off hoping I would see him stepping out any minutes now.

I heard Hershel step away and sighed as I rested my head back against the fence, closing my eyes as I let everything go so I could have a minute of silence in my head without any worries. There was far too much for me to be worrying about. The baby was on top of my list but it was followed by the threat on our lives every time we took a breath in this world. Any day could be our last and I was scared that mine would be coming soon.

"Have you thought of any names?" I heard Beth's voice and opened my eyes to see that she had taken a seat in front of me, Carl standing beside her, his hand resting on the gun Rick had given him.

"No, not really," I admitted lifting my head to look at the girl as she gave me a soft smile. "If you were to have a baby what would you call it?" I asked her wondering what she would name her child.

"If I had a boy I was always sure I wanted to call him Michael. You know like the archangel from the bible, but now I think if I had the chance to have a baby I'd call him Shawn." She muttered running her hand through her tangled hair before looking to Carl and then glancing back to me. "If I had a girl I'd name her Annette or maybe Patricia, I would like to name her after someone I once had in my life."

"After Rick and I first got married we started trying for a baby, we talked about names but we only ever decided on one," I told her gazing out at the door once again but sighing in disappointment when no one appeared.

"What was it?" Beth asked but I didn't want to answer her. I was trying to be rude but I knew what she was doing. She was trying to get my mind off of Rick and the others but I couldn't stop thinking about them. What if they all died in there? Was I supposed to have this baby all alone without Rick?

"Theodore-James," Carl told her and I turned my head to look up at him as he blocked the sun from my face. "They wanted to call a boy Theodore-James. I remember them talking about baby names one morning before I went to school. Mom was getting ready to go to work, she was wearing her white doctor's coat and dad was in his uniform. They were arguing about what name to give a boy. Mom liked Theodore but dad liked James. They were saying the names over and over and all I could hear was _Theodore, James, Theodore, James, Theodore, James_. I ended up saying it, Theodore-James and mom and dad stopped and looked at me. They were saying the names separately but I had said them together and they both stopped."

"We looked at each other then and decided that we liked that name better," I finished for him looking to Beth as she looked between the two of us.

"And a girl?" she asked leaning forward slightly as Carl sat down beside us a soft smile on his face.

"We never came up with a name," I shrugged as I spoke looking to Carl before giving them both a soft smile. "We liked a few, Lilian, Gracie, Ava, Isabelle, Millie, but none of them were really what we wanted for our little girl so we decided that her big brother got the chance to name her."

"You did?" Carl asked sounding astonished at the news. We had never told him before everything and this was the first time he heard it. Rick and I had spoken about the baby and names when at the golf club and we still stood by what we had decided. If the baby was a girl Carl would be the one to name her.

"Any name her big brother picked would be good enough for us but we would pick the middle name." I told him running my hand over his face as he smiled brightly his eyes dropping to the bump that held his little sister or brother.

"What names do you like?" Beth asked him turning to look at the twelve year old as she rested her elbows on her knees.

"I've never really had to think about it," he replied screwing up his face as he glanced at her.

"Well you better start thinking about it big brother because this baby will be coming out soon and if it's a girl she'll be needing a name." I told him running my hand over the bump feeling a slightly panic within me when the baby didn't react to my touch.

The slamming of a metal door had me snapping my head to the yard where Glenn and Maggie stepped out covering in walker guts. They both looked fine but my heart dropped when Rick didn't follow. I struggled to my feet, Beth aiding me as they reached the fence where Carol stood the gate already open.

"He's fine," Glenn assured me as I looked to him with wide eyes. "We secured one of the cell blocks, he wants to stay there to make sure it stays secure."

"We gotta bring our stuff in," Maggie told us going over to Hershel and giving him a big hug before looking over to Beth. The sisters shared a soft smile before everyone started gathering our belongings ready to be lead into the cell block.

I picked up my bag and then gripped the handle of Rick's bag in my hand ignoring the looks Hershel and Beth gave me as I pushed through the gate and followed Glenn. He glanced back at me, seeing the bag in my hand and took it off me without any words. I rolled my eyes at his actions but didn't say anything either. If everyone was going to treat me like glass around here a few words from me wasn't going to do anything to stop it.

When we reached the cell block Daryl was stood by the open cell door that lead into the block, his crossbow slung over his shoulder. As Glenn shuffled passed him his eyes settled on Kelly and Amy – the pair had passed me when we were making our way here. A small smile crossed his lips when Kelly placed a kiss on his cheek before entering the cell block and his eyes narrowed in on me.

"Ya shouldn't be carrying that," he grunted nodding to the bag I had on my shoulder. I rolled my eyes at him, raising my eyebrow as I passed him.

"You going to stop me Dixon?" I challenged him turning slightly as I glanced back at him. I kept my eyes on him as I walked backwards and smiled when he shifted his gaze to Beth and Carol, happy that I had beaten him at his own game. The smile slipped from my face when I bumped into something behind me. I turned to see Rick standing there, a soft smile on his face but I couldn't help but frown more as I glanced at him.

I could see that he was fine and felt foolish by worrying over him so much. He could take care of himself. He had proven that more than once but I always worried. I glanced at him quickly before walking passed him and taking one of the cells on the ground floor, passed the stairs. There was no way I was climbing those stair for a cell when I could get one down here.

"Fay?" Rick called out and I could hear him following behind me as I dropped my bag onto the bottom bunk. I closed my eyes, rested my arms on the top bunk and leaning forward slightly so I wasn't resting on the balls of my feet. They ached just as much as the rest of my body. "Are you alright?" he asked sounding concerned as he stood by the doorway. I couldn't see him but I could feel him standing there. "Is it the baby?" he questioned resting his hand on my lower back and I felt ashamed to flinch away from him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered glancing at him noting the look of hurt flash across his face. I gave him a soft smile as I breathed out carefully and pulled away from the bunks to turn and look at him. "I'm tired Rick." I told him taking his hand in mine carefully and gently placing it on my bump almost crying out when the baby didn't move. I should talk to Hershel, I needed to talk to him. "I've spent the morning, until now worrying about you and I feel foolish for it. Of course you were going to be okay, you're always okay when you go out but I couldn't help but worry. I stressed myself out over it and it took our son and Beth to stop me from worrying. It's not good for the baby but I couldn't focus on the baby. I was too stuck on you," I admitted dropping my head ashamed that I had forgotten about our baby and had selfishly focused on him.

"Sweetheart you have nothing to worry about," he mumbled bringing me into his arms and I sighed when I was wrapped in his warmth. That was always something I remembered about Rick, he was warm, always warm. "You weren't foolish to worry, I worry about you all the time, and it's natural. You need to stop worrying about me and focus on this baby. We both want the baby to be fine but with you stressing over stupid things it may not end up the way we want." His hand were running through my loose curls and I almost allowed my eyes to drop and fall into a sleep. It was always a way to get me to sleep when I was little and it seemed it hadn't left. "We've got this place now, it's safe and I feel better knowing that we can deliver the baby here,"

"But that's not enough," I whispered knowing that this one cell block wouldn't be enough for Rick. He still needed to find the cafeteria and infirmary. And then there was the armoury.

"But it will be when we find the cafeteria and the infirmary. We'll have everything then and you and this baby will end up safe and hopefully we'll be able to get through this and have this baby." he grumbled and I could feel his words vibrate in his chest. I knew he would be adamant about getting to these places. He wouldn't stop until he found them.

"Promise me you'll stop when you've found them? I knew you'll go after the armoury after the cafeteria and the infirmary but promise me it will stop after that," I begged him pulling away from him to look him in the eye. I had always known when he was lying to me and I wanted him to tell me the truth now. His blue eyes locked with my green ones and I was taken away by the sharpness behind his eyes.

"I promise you," he stressed and I could tell that he was telling the truth. He wouldn't break his promise to me and I knew that if he did than he wouldn't have a choice. If he broke his promise than it wouldn't be done intentionally.

* * *

I knew that they were planning to go out again this morning and I heard Hershel telling Rick that he was going as well and knew that I needed to speak to him before he left. He would want to know about the baby and besides me he knew more about the baby's condition. Kelly could help but we both knew that Hershel would be more help considering she worked mainly in the emergency ward instead of on maternity.

"Maggie," I whispered to her as she passed me, her gun strapped to her hip. Her eyes settled on me and I waved her over making sure that no one was watching the two of us. If they glanced over it would look like I was saying goodbye to a friend and hoping she got back safely.

"What's wrong?" she asked and I almost flinched when she read me that fast. Rick had been the only one that could read me by looking at my face but it seemed Maggie was able to do so as well.

"I want to speak to you and your dad but I don't want the others around," I told her and I watched as her eyes dropped to the bump before flashing up to mine again. Her face was coated in worry and I could see that she was trying to sort out her words before she spoke.

"Is it the baby?" she questioned and I could hear the hesitation in her voice. I knew I wouldn't be able to answer her so I just nodded my head lightly feeling my heart drop when a look discomfort crossed her face. "I'll go get daddy, you go to your cell." I nodded again, turning away from her and the group and settled on the bed in the cell. Rick had shared the bed with me last night but we both found it to be a tight squeeze. He said that he'll get the others to help him saw off the top bunk so we can make it a double bed when they get back. "Daddy?" I could hear her call and you could hear the worry and pain in her voice. I couldn't see her but I was sure she must have waved him over to her.

"Is everything okay?" Rick asked and I could hear the worry in his own voice then. Maggie must have been standing close to my cell because Hershel walked in and I could see her standing by the cell, her back to me.

"Everything's fine, just a check-up," she told him before entering the cell, making sure she was covering me from the view of the group in case one of them walked passed.

"What's wrong?" Hershel asked crouching down to look me in the eye as I leant back on the bed. I could see that he was sharing the same look of worry as his daughter and knew that I couldn't hold back anymore.

"I think the baby died," I sighed feeling my eyes water at the thought. Hershel breathed out deeply before taking a seat beside me in the bed. Maggie struggled for her breath as well and stepped forward slightly towards us.

"What makes you say that?" he questioned and I rested me hand lightly on the bump, tapping it softly.

"I haven't felt the baby move since the night we got here. Normally the baby moves all the time, I actually slept last night because the baby wasn't up to stop me." I glanced at him then and let out a strangled cry. "You know I wished that I wouldn't have to bring this baby into the world and now it came true. What sort of mother wishes for her baby to die?" I cried letting the tears I was holding back fall as I looked up at him.

"If this baby died it wouldn't be your fault. After everything we've been through, what you've been through. You haven't been getting what a pregnant woman should be getting and I was surprised that you managed to get this far without any other complications." I snapped my head up to look at him then feeling myself thrown at his words. Did he think that this baby would have died before this? "I'm not saying that I thought the baby wouldn't make it, just that we haven't been able to give you or the baby the proper care you need." He explained as if he had read my mind. I dropped my head slightly ashamed that I would have thought Hershel would expect something like that. The man was a believer of God, he wouldn't wish some baby dead or think of a baby dead.

"If this baby's dead inside me when will it turn?" I asked him hoping he would know more than me but knew he wouldn't. "What if this baby starts to eat me from the inside? I would die Hershel. It will kill me, tear me apart. And when that happens Maggie knows what to do but if she isn't there I need you to promise me that you'll put a bullet in my head. I need you to promise me Hershel." I stressed to him lifting my head up until my eyes locked with his.

"That isn't going to happen," he stated firmly but I knew there was a small part of his mind that doubt it just as much as I did.

"Hershel you promise me now. If I don't make it through this birth I need you to end it for me. If Maggie isn't there to do it you must. And if this baby turns you need to be the one to end that as well. Rick can't do it. You understand that right? Rick can't do it." I knew I was starting to sound crazy with my talk but I needed him to understand that he had to know what needed to be done.

"I promise I won't let Rick do it," he finally said and I felt my shoulders relax as I rested lightly against his shoulder. "I don't think this baby is dead. I think he's getting ready to come out. All this stress isn't good for him and I don't think he's got more room to grow in there. This is your first baby, normally the first ones are early. I'd be surprised if we made it to full term. He'll be here within three weeks." Hershel added resting his arm around me, pressing his lips to my head as he pulled away. "I'm ordering you on bed rest once we leave. I can't have you stressing yourself more when we're gone."

"You're leaving soon?" I asked glancing at Maggie who nodded slightly at my words, straightening up as if she had heard a silent order. "I suppose I should say bye to Rick then," I mumbled pushing myself up from the bed with the help of Hershel. "Will you both promise me to be careful out there?" I asked them both knowing I wouldn't get such a promise.

"We'll try," Maggie whispered, squeezing my hand as we reached the group as they gathered around the gate that would lead out into the small common/kitchen area.

Rick turned to face us as we joined them and I knew instantly that he knew I had been crying. He came to my side, his thumbs rubbing against my cheeks as he pulled me to him, pressing his lips to mine softly.

"Are you okay?" he questioned pulling back and gazing into my eyes intently. I gave him a soft smile and nodded my head gently hoping he would come back to me safe and just as he left.

"I'm worried about you," I told him knowing it wold shake him from his fears if he thought I was just worried about him. If he went out there knowing that I hadn't felt the baby move then he wouldn't be focused and could end up hurt. "I want you to be careful,"

"And I will," he promised and I could see that he meant it as well. He glanced over to Beth, pulling out of the embrace he had me in and took her hand in his. "I need you to watch her for me. Make sure she gets some rest and stays off her feet." Beth nodded at his words shooting me a look before looking back to Rick. "I'm leaving you in charge of her Beth. If she needs to be shouted out you do it, okay."

"I promise I'll keep an eye on her," she told him squeezing his hand before letting go of it and taking mine. "Daddy's ordered her on bed rest." She told him and I glared over at Hershel only to see the man smiling at me. He knew that I wouldn't do as he said so he went and told Beth knowing she would keep an eye on me even if Rick hadn't asked her.

"Well you can't argue with doctor's orders," Rick teased pressing his lips to mine lightly before turning to Carl. I noticed that the boy had a set of keys in his hand and knew that Rick must have given them to him. "You don't let anyone out. You don't let anyone in unless it's us and before you do check them for bites or scratches unless I'm with them okay?"

"Okay," Carl replied knowing that he shouldn't question his dad's orders.

"We should be back before evening," he said giving me one last kiss before leading the group over to the gate. Carl stood by as Rick passed him followed by Daryl, Hershel, Maggie, Glenn and T-Dog. When T-Dog passed through the gate Carl slammed it shut, locking it and watching the group disappear before looking to me.

"He'll be alright mom, he always is." He muttered before taking a spot on the stairs where he could keep his eyes on everyone in the cell block and on the gate where his dad had just lead the group out. I looked at the twelve year old before allowing Beth to tug me back to my bunk. She would be taking her job very seriously and I couldn't let her feel like she was failing just because I was worried. Plus it was true what Hershel had said. I do need some rest.

* * *

"Open the gate!" I heard, the shout echoing around the cell block startling me awake from the doze I had been in. Beth shot from her spot on the floor in my cell block and rushed out the cell to see what was going on. I rushed to my feet following her as quickly as I could.

I felt like time was going in slow motion when my eyes rested on Hershel. They were pushing him through the cell block on some shiny, metal table on wheels but it wasn't the makeshift gurney that had my stomach twisting. He was missing a leg and I felt myself going dizzy when Rick and Glenn lifted him from the metal surface and hurry into Hershel's cell.

"He was bit," Rick spat out resting the man on the bed and I rushed forward as his words filtered through my mind. Kelly was already taking charge, carol and Amy by her side helping as they pushed everyone away from Hershel.

"I don't see a bite," Kelly muttered but I wanted to hit her when it became obvious. I pushed passed Amy, ignoring the look she sent me. I knew that she was thinking that this would be too much for the baby but I didn't care. I needed to help Hershel.

"How long after he was bit did you remove his leg?" I asked nudging Carol's hands out of the way lightly to look at the wound before pressing hard on the bloody mess. "Carol press down on that hard. Amy I need more towels and pillows, Carl help her. How long?" I glanced up at Rick then taking in the sweat that rolled down his face and felt angry that he was ignoring me now. "How long Rick?" I spat at him getting his attention as he tore his eyes away from Hershel's face.

"Less than five minutes," he answered stepping away from the bunk and glancing at Maggie and Beth. He felt like he had failed them but I couldn't dwell on that at the moment. I needed to focus on Hershel.

"You might have just saved his life. There's no fever setting in yet but if we don't stop this bleeding it may just kill him." I glanced at Maggie and Beth then knowing that my words may have sounded harsh but there was no time for messing about. "If you two can't handle it in here I need you to leave. I can't be worrying about you if you want me to focus on Hershel." I told them both receiving nods as they stepped outside the cell, hovering around the door just as Amy and Carl ran back with the pillows and towels. "Kelly elevate his leg, we need to stop the blood flow. Carol take a clean towel and press it to his wound. Amy I need you to slip one of the towels under his leg on top of the pillows okay. On the count of three. One, two, three," we all moved at once, I helped Carol life Hershel's leg as she swapped over the towels just as Kelly placed two pillows under where his leg would be resting and Amy slipped a towel over the pillows. "And set it down," I mumbled placing his leg back onto the pillow happy that his leg was raised at an angle now. I glanced behind me realising that Rick was no longer there and looked over to Glenn at the door. "Where's Rick?" I asked him nodding Kelly over knowing she would be able to take my place for a moment. There was nothing we could do for the time being.

"There were some prisoners, he's dealing with them." Glenn muttered trying to stop me as I passed him and walked over to the gate that lead into the common room. Carl was standing by the gate, the set of keys hooked onto his belt. I joined him by the doorway looking out into the common room feeling unsure when I saw the five prisoners standing opposite Rick, Daryl and T-Dog.

"Open the door," I mumbled to Carl keeping my voice low as I rested my hand against the bar. When he didn't move I glanced down at him almost frowning when he shook his head. "I'm gonna be fine baby, open the door."

"Dad won't like it," he grumbled placing the key into the lock and slowly opening the door.

"Yeah well your dad can deal with me," I muttered making sure he locked the door behind me before walking slowly over to the group. I could hear them talking about something, they were questioning why we were here. "Rick," I called out feeling every set of eyes fall on me as I stepped closer to them. Rick was by my side in seconds and I knew he was trying to hide me from the prisoners view.

"What's wrong? Is it Hershel?" he asked quickly firing both questions at me quickly as he rested his hands on my arms. I shook my head and saw the way he relaxed before he straightened up again.

"Hershel's stable but you need to get to the infirmary. We have no supplies left and we need bandages and pain killers if he's to survive. You need to get them now," I told him knowing that this would be his next task after dealing with the prisoners.

"I know, I know. We'll go as soon as we deal with the prisoners, I promise," he mumbled running his hands through his hair as he glanced over his shoulder. I cupped his face, lifting his head lightly so I could look him over before nodding my head.

"Don't take too long. I don't want to risk it," I mumbled to him pressing my lips to his quickly before turning around and waving to Carl so he could open the gates. I glanced over my shoulder one last time before slipping into the gates and rushing back over to Hershel and the others. I looked to Beth and Maggie as I dropped to the floor next to Hershel hoping that I could ease them in anyway. "Rick and the others are going to the infirmary as soon as they deal with the prisoners." I told him not knowing if it would help them any.

"That could be a while," Carol muttered pressed her hands tighter to Hershel's leg as she glanced at me. I knew she was trying to have hope but we didn't know if he would make it through this.

"At least it will be something." I mumbled back, passing her another towel before checking Hershel happy that he still hadn't gotten a fever. Hopefully this would work and he'd pull through.

* * *

"Are you crazy?" I spat at the boy as he stood above us looking down at me with a frown on his face.

"It's no big deal," he answered back a snap in his voice as he looked down at me with a glare. "I killed two walkers,"

"Hershel was bite with the whole group. You can't go out there on your own!" I shouted trying to keep calm as I looked to the boy. I was angry that he had gone out without tell anyone. Rick said that they would be going to the infirmary, there was no need for him to be going out there.

"We needed supplies and I got them-"

"I appreciate that!" I snapped over him not liking the way he seemed to think it was alright for him to act like this.

"Then get off my back!" he shouted back anger laced through his voice as he stepped forward slightly.

"Carl!" Beth yelled gaining his attention as he looked down at her. "She's you're mother you can't speak to her like that." She told him holding a bandage in her hand tightly as Kelly pulled a few out of there packets and started wrapping them around Hershel's wound after pressing a pad of cotton to the wound and wrapping the bandages around it.

"I think it's good that you want to –"

"You're not my real mom!" he snapped cutting me off before running out of the room. I sunk into the bed beside Hershel's head as his words ran around my head. We both knew that I wasn't his real mom but he never said it and for him to say it now really hurt. I had never treated him as if he wasn't my son and even though I knew it was because he was growing into a teenager and they said things they regretted it still hurt.

"He didn't mean it Fay," Kelly whispered from the bottom of the bed and I glanced up at her noting that my eyes had gotten blurry from his words. I nodded my head at her words wiping my eyes as Beth settled her hand on my back.

"I know," I mumbled sucking in a breath before resting the back on my hand on Hershel's head. "There's still no fever, that's a good sign." I told them all trying to forget that Carl seemed to hate me at the moment. "I think he'll make it through this."

* * *

"Where did Carol go?" I asked as Amy walked into the room followed by Kelly. I had left just after Carol had asked Glenn to help her with something about half an hour ago to get some rest before I was needed again.

"She wanted to go outside and try something," Kelly said her voice firm as she spoke. I could think of only one think Carol would be doing outside that she didn't want me to know about. I had heard her telling Glenn that she didn't want to tell him with me there.

"She practicing a C-Section?" I questioned feeling slightly uncomfortable talking about something that would potentially kill me if it needed to be done.

"We all know that it may be the only way to deliver the baby," Kelly muttered and I could hear the anger in her voice. Amy coughed settling down on the bottom of the bed to look at me.

"Hershel can't do it now so she wanted to be the one to practice," the blonde explained running her hand over her ponytail as she glanced at me.

"I want you two to know that if there was to be a choice between me and this baby that I would want it to be the baby. I you had to choice make it the baby. I wouldn't be able to live without this baby. So please save the baby over me." I told them both settling my hand over the bump as I looked to them both receiving nods – reluctant nods.

"Somebody help! Somebody! Please!" it was Beth's voice and she sounded so heartbroken that I moved quickly off of the bed, shooting passed Kelly and Amy as I reached the cell Hershel was staying in.

I rushed into the room, pushing Beth out of the way as I leant over Hershel, checking his breathing. I couldn't hear anything and when I glanced at his chest it wasn't rising like it was when I left him. I cupped his chin in my hand, holding onto his nose with the other hand before pressing my mouth to his and breathing deeply into his mouth. I repeated the process three times feeling my worry set in when it didn't help. I could hear Beth crying behind me and knew that if I didn't get her dad breathing again her heart would be broken. I pulled away, pressing my hands to his chest and pressed down counting in my head as I continued to press down on his chest. This should be working, he should be breathing again but he wasn't. Cupping his chin once more I pressed my lips to his breathing into his mouth with all the air I held within my lungs.

My neck was held down by Hershel's arm and I struggled to pull away from him without hurting myself or the baby. His grip was tight and I could hear the girls screaming behind me as they rushed to us, pulling me from their father's grip. Hershel's eyes locked with mine before he fell back down into the bed, his eyes shut tight and his chest rising slowly. Maggie had her arm wrapped around my waist while Beth clung onto my arm and I could see Amy standing in the doorway, her hand resting on her gun. What did surprise me was Carl. He hadn't spoken to me since we had our little shouting match but now he was standing in the doorway, his gun raised and looking ready to shoot if he had to. It warmed my heart slightly to see that he cared enough about me that he was ready to shoot Hershel if the man turned.

"Thank you, thank you," Beth muttered over and over as she dropped her head onto my shoulder wrapping her arms around me as she let her tears soak my shirt. I held her to me and felt Maggie hug her sister behind me as Carl lowered her gun. It was a close call but luckily we had managed to save him in time.

"You don't need to thank me Beth," I whispered tot eh girl, running my hand through her hair as I placed a kiss to the side of her face. "Let's all stay here with him okay," I mumbled to her pushing her towards her father slightly, Maggie following her. I gave Amy a look that said to watch them as I left the cell, running my hands over my face as I leant back against the wall.

"You're okay?" Carl's voice drifted to me softly and I looked up to see him standing not too far from me, shifting on his feet as he glanced down at the ground, his eyes flicking up to meet mine quickly.

"I'm alright," I muttered not sure if he actually wanted me to talk to him even though he asked a question. I watched him shift slightly on his feet before he rushed forward, wrapping his arms around me, his head resting lightly on my chest. He couldn't get that close to me because of the bump standing between us but that didn't stop me from wrapping him in my arms.

"I'm so sorry mom, I didn't mean it. I was angry and I just said things without thinking. You are my mom, you have always been my mom and you always will be. I love you so much and when Hershel grabbed you then I thought I was going to lose you." He cried out pressing his head tightly into my chest and I knew he was trying to listen to my heartbeat. It always seemed to soothe him when he got upset.

"Hey it's alright baby," I whispered to him, running my fingers through his hair as I pressed my lips to his head. "I say things I don't mean as well sometimes. We get all confused and our feelings are going crazy and words just spill out," I stroked his hair as I rested my chin on his head, holding him close as Glenn glanced over to us as he walked back through the unlocked gate. Carl had left it open not sure when the man would be back. I could tell from his face that he must have heard the screaming.

"What happened?" he asked running his hand over his head as he glanced at us then looking around for Maggie.

"Hershel stopped breathing," I told him knowing he would be focused on his girlfriend's family once I said my words. "It's okay Glenn, I got him breathing again," I added when I saw the pain flash across his face. He nodded his head, rushing passed us and into the cell. It was going to be a long night if we had to watch out for Hershel to make sure he didn't stop breathing again. "Let's go wait inside with everyone else." I mumbled to Carl pushing him away slightly as I slipped into the cell, resting against the wall at the end of the bed.

Glenn had Maggie wrapped in his arms and Amy was running her hand over Beth's back but both girls had their eyes on the dad, watching him to ensure that he was still breathing. You could see it in their eyes that the man meant so much to them and they never wanted anything to happen to him. Hopefully he would make it through this because he seemed to be doing fine besides the incident a few minutes ago. He had no fever and I was glad he had opened his eyes. He may not have his breathing back to a steady pace but I could tell that he was on the way already.

"He'll be fine," I muttered out knowing everyone could hear me. I looked over to Glenn, his eyes locking with mine and gave him a soft smile. "We're gonna be fine."


	23. Chapter 23

Time is an illusion. It tricks the mind into thinking a variation of things. It tricks the mind into thinking that more time has passed than it really has. Now-a-days there is no limit to time. We still count the passing days and hours and minutes but at the end it doesn't matter. Were only counting the more days that have passed and we have still made it through alive and untouched.

I could barely think that anymore with Hershel's leg. Time passed us slowly that day, fading in and out between flashes of fast-forward and slow motion. I felt like someone was pausing hold on our lives as Hershel's life was put at risk, fast-forwarding all the scary moments when we thought we would lose him and sowing down the moments between like they were taunting us.

"What are ya doing?" Rick's voice was husky as he spoke and his hand reached out to find me on our newly made bed. Yesterday while Hershel was passed out and I was watching him with Beth, Rick, Glenn and T-Dog cut the top bed off of the bunk and pushed it against the lower bed making a double bed for us. It was better than the both of us squeezing onto one bed or Rick climbing onto the top bunk.

"Can't sleep," I mumbled knowing it was around midnight and everyone but Daryl would be sleeping. That man tended to take the night shifts and half the time Kelly would stay up with him.

"She keeping you up?" Rick asked lifting himself up so he was sitting on the bed. He pulled me against his chest, my back hitting it lightly as he rested his hands over the bump where I child kicked lightly at his hand. After the incident with Hershel and the commotion of rushing around and worrying the baby started kicking wildly as if letting me know that everything was alright and I shouldn't worry about him/her while Hershel needed my help.

"You still think the baby's a she?" I sighed resting my head on his shoulder and looking up slightly, glancing at him from the corner of my eye as I rested my hands next to his.

"I don't care what we have as long as you and the baby are fine," he replied pressing his lips to the side of my head as his arm wrapped around me tighter and snuggled his nose against my cheek.

"You remember when we spoke about baby names?" I whispered looking up at the cracks in the ceiling knowing that Kelly or Amy had their room above ours. The group had become split in a sense, half of us taking cells downstairs and the others taking cells upstairs. I knew Hershel, Beth, Carl, Carol, Rick and me had cells downstairs while Amy, Kelly, Maggie, Glenn and T-Dog had cells upstairs while Daryl stayed on the perch. The man wasn't too keen on sleeping on a cell. At first it bothered me but it was safer than the places we slept when we were in the road.

"Of course, we argued over Theodore and James but never decided on a girl's name. Isabelle is the only one I remember." He muttered running his hand over my bump, tracing patterns over the shirt that covered the pumpkin sized bulge.

"I told Carl that if the baby was a girl he could name her. You remember how we decided that before all this happened when we were trying for a baby? I thought it would bring him back to the world a little. He's straying and I know you don't want me worrying about him but he's still a boy and he shouldn't have to forget that just because of the world we live in now. The choices he makes today or tomorrow won't be the same choices he'd have to make if the world wasn't like it was now." I mumbled softly looking down at our hands as they circled the roundness of my stomach.

"When did you tell him that?" Rick asked rested his cheek against mine as he held me closer to his chest. I could feel the beating of his heart against my back and I smiled softly at the vibrating beat of his heart. It made me realise just how close we were – not just close as in physically but also emotionally and mentally.

This pregnancy had defiantly brought us close because of the danger in the world that was thrown at us every day. There was that daunting feeling looming over us with the birth and I knew that Rick was more worried than he let on. In the end having this baby could kill me and I knew he would try to stop that with everything he had but it may not be possible. Even before the outbreak woman were dying during birth even with all the medical assistance and care provided for them. Sometimes it was just nature taking its toll, it couldn't be stopped.

It would be hard trying to get Rick to understand this but he would have to accept it sooner or later because eventually this baby would be on its way and I may not make it through the delivery.

"We spoke about it the day you secured this block. Beth was trying to take my mind off of you to stop me worrying so she asked about baby names. Carl could remember the disagreement we had over a boy's name. Beth asked about girl's names then but I told her we never settled on one. I told Carl then that we had agreed that if the baby was a girl he would be able to name her." I told him running my fingers up his arm as he brought us down so we were now lying on our sides on the bed. I knew he was trying to get me back to sleep, we were both tired.

"Did he come up with any names?" my husband asked wrapping both arms around me, resting them lightly on the top of my bump after pulling the blankets over us. It felt like a year had passed since I had last slept in his arms when in reality it had only been a few weeks ago. When Rick wasn't sleeping next to my side Carl was always sleeping at an arm's length away and Beth would be seen lying close by as well. That girl had been protective and caring ever since finding out about the baby.

"He hasn't told me any names but I'm sure he'll come up with a good one no matter what." I alleged resting my head lightly on his arm before turning in his arms so I could look at him. I gave him a soft smile, resting my hands on his chest next to his beating heart as I locked my eyes with his. "I was thinking … you know how caring Beth has been since finding out about the baby. You don't have to agree with me but I wanted to give the baby Beth's name as a middle name if it's a girl."

"I think it's a good idea. I owe her so much for keeping an eye on you when I couldn't. I see the way she cares for you and I know she'll still help when you have this baby." he replied pressing his lips to my head lightly as he drew me closer to his warmth.

"I was thinking maybe Elizabeth, I know that's not her name but I still feel like it's honouring her in some way." I mumbled resting my forehead against his collarbone as I snuggled closer to his chest.

"I'm sure she'll be happy if you give the baby her name or not," Rick grunted and I could tell he was getting tired again. "Now shut up and sleep," he added running his hand up my back as he held me close. I smiled into his chest as I shifted so my large bump wasn't pressed too close to his body.

* * *

"Hershel I have a gift for you," I sung to him as I entered the cell with Beth holding the crutches out for him to inspect as he pulled himself from the bed. He looked to the crutches a small frown on his face but there was a streak of determination in his eyes. "Take your time alright," I added not knowing what would happen if he feel at hurt himself more. Everyone besides me, Beth and Carl were outside sorting things out and I was worried Hershel might accidentally hurt himself.

"Daddy don't push yourself," Beth told him sternly as I pushed his leg off the bed, setting his foot down on the floor.

"What else am I going to do?" he groaned pulling himself up off the bed and taking the crutches from my hands. "Can't stand looking at that bunk anymore," he added as he almost slipped when he lost his balance. I grabbed hold of his arm as Beth held tightly onto his other side and he helped him steady himself out again.

This was a big deal for him and I was hoping he would be able to pick up moving quite quickly once he got the hang of it. He had plenty of time to practice and we had the patience to help him as long as he needed.

"Be careful," I repeated resting my hand on his shoulder ignoring the look he was sending me. I guess he knew what it felt like when he told me not to push myself.

"I think I'm pretty steady," he stated turning to me and giving me a look that said he wanted me to let him go. I removed my hand from his shoulder but allowed it to hover in front while the other hovered behind in case he fell. I wanted to be there to catch him so the fall wouldn't hurt him more.

"This is a good start Hershel," I encouraged placing my hand gentle on his shoulder so he could look at me. "Do you want to rest?" I asked knowing that it took a lot out of you to move after a serious injury. It took me a few days to be able to move again after I was stabbed but Hershel had his leg removed so who knew how long it would take him.

"Rest … let's go for a little stroll," he said and I could hear a hint of joy in his voice as he smiled at me before limping out of the cell with the aid of his crutches. I glanced to Beth as she looked to me, one of her hands resting on her dad's back. I could see the panic in her eyes but I gave her a small nod trying to tell her it would be alright.

If Hershel was feeling well enough and strong enough to move faster than I expected I didn't want to stop him. Plus he was a stubborn man and if I tried to engage in any disagreement with him I was sure I would be the one losing.

"Alright but promise me to rest if you need to," I sighed giving into his desire to go for a stroll even when the man had already started to make his way towards the gate of the common room/kitchen area. He sent me a look that wasn't worth fighting with and I tuned to Beth, who still had her eyes on me and gave her a bigger smiling hoping it would calm her down. If Hershel felt confident enough to even think about going this far from his cell than she shouldn't worry. I trusted that the man knew what he was doing.

* * *

"You really want to go this far?" I asked him as we came to the stair that would lead out to the yard. We hadn't stumbled across any stairs yet and I wasn't sure if he would make them down them okay. He sent me a stiff nod and I walked down the stair before him, ready to catch him if needed. Beth stood behind her father, Carl at her side and the two had their hands hovering behind the man's back.

"Just take your time daddy," Beth soothed to him hoping he wouldn't rush into anything because he thought everyone wanted to see him up and about like nothing had happened.

"They cleared all those bodies out," Hershel noticed as we made it safely down the stairs without any incidents. He glanced around the yard and I could see the small smile on his face before I dropped my eyes down to his leg and the crutches on the floor. I wanted to keep my eye on them in case he took a wrong step. "Starting to look like a place we can live in,"

"Hershel watch your step," I warned him when one of the crutched crossed over his leg. I thought he was going to trip but the crutch moved before his leg could collide with it.

We made it over to the fence that lead to the other yard and I glanced over to the other as they entered the alley between the fences, piles of wood in their hands. They were all smiling up towards us and I felt proud of Hershel in that moment.

"Alright Hershel!" Glenn called out before snapping his head toward Daryl and then glancing behind them. Daryl must have told him off for yelling so loud. It would only draw more walkers to us and we didn't need that. Not now with Hershel hardly able to move.

"You're doing great daddy," Beth told him as we turned form the fence and started to make our way towards the gate that would take us into the other yard.

"You ready to race Hershel?" Carl asked the man a large grin on his face as he peered over to us. It was like Carl knew the right thing to say to make everything better because his words brought a large smile to Hershel's face and I could see the worry fall off of Beth's face.

"Give me another day … I'll take you home," he teased back to the boy in the sheriff's hat just as Maggie, Carol and T-Dog walked in front of the gate. They were on our side of the fence and I smiled over to them happy to see that Maggie had this bright smile on her face. I glanced around the yard until I spotted a blonde head in the guard tower. I caught sight of Amy and Kelly looking down at us as they waved before looking back out towards the woods. They must have decided to take on guard duties.

I looked down at the gate, my eyes locking with Rick's and I sent him an honest smile that showed how happy I was in that moment. Hershel was getting better and soon this place would be clear of dead walkers and we'll be able to make it our home.

"Walkers!" I heard call and turned to face him but felt my heart stop when my eyes settled on the group of walkers making their way towards us. Carl shot one in the head and I fumbled before I held my gun in my arms.

"Beth get your dad out of here!" I yelled to her shooting another walker in the head before he could reach Hershel. I was aware of Hershel following Beth as she led him away from the walkers but I couldn't focus in them for too long. I needed to make sure the walkers stayed back, but I also had to keep my eye on Carl. I shot another bullet into the head of a walker, aware of the yelling behind me but I only concentrated on keeping Carl in my sights.

"Fay!" Maggie called out and I glanced at her seeing that she had the gate to C-Block within her hand and she was waving me over. "Over here!" Carl moved then at Maggie's words and I fumbled behind him, gripping the gun tightly in my fingers.

I glanced out at the yard not knowing where Rick was but drew the door close when Carl tugged at my arm. We needed to get back to our cells and stay there until the rest of the group made it back.

"Maggie," I whispered to her knowing that asking her to slow down would be wrong but I wasn't sure I could keep up with her for much longer. I sighed in relief when we entered the common area that was linked next to our cells, running my hand over my bump as Maggie led the way to the gate.

"This way!" Maggie ordered turning instantly as the groaning reached my ears, grabbing hold of my arm as she pushed Carl and me through another gate that lead further into the prison.

It was dark in the hallways, they were barely lit by any light but I followed Maggie knowing she would be able to get us out of this if we followed her. A sharp kick had me gasping in deeply but I waved Maggie off when she sent me a concerned look. She needed to be focused and not worrying about me.

Our silence was interrupted by the wailing of alarms and I glanced to Maggie in horror as she turned around a corner, her gun in her hand as she nodded us forward. Carl looked to me and gave me a pained smile but I was happy her was trying to ease the worry he felt by trying to fool me.

Both of their faces were lighting up as a red light flashed on and off with the buzzing of the alarm. It must have been part of the prisons old alarm system. I had no idea how it was working now but that was the least of our problems.

Another sharp twinge ran through my stomach settling at the base of my bump and the baby kicked out causing me to whine in pain. This wasn't the time for the baby to be messing around. Carl lead us round another corner and just as I passed the wall I rested my hand against it, while holding the other to my bump as an intense pain shot through me.

"You gotta keep up," Maggie ordered softly, resting her hand on my lower back only for me to shake by head in disagreement. I couldn't go any further.

"Somethings not right," I told her turning around so my back was resting against the wall hoping it would ease the pain.

"Were you bit?" Carl asked and I could hear the pain and worry in his voice. I shook my head at him before looking to Maggie hoping she would be able to calm the both of us down.

"No," I assured him resting my arm on Maggie's as a cool liquid ran down my leg soaking my jeans. I dropped my head down to my legs before snapping my head up to meet Maggie's eyes. "I think the baby's coming," I whispered feeling myself begin to panic now. I still had five to six weeks before this baby was meant to come. This wasn't meant to be happening.

"Mom?" Carl questioned the worry making his voice shake as he looked between me and Maggie. Before any of us could say anything the groans of walkers could be heard and we all glanced to the end of the hallway where we had been heading to see the shadows of walkers on the wall before the first one turned the corner.

"The other way!" Maggie ordered slipping her arm behind me back and pulling me along with her. Carl rushed in front of us, sniffling as he went by, his gun raised. We hardly made it round the corner when the first walker came down the hallway we had just went through causing Carl to turn on the spot and go back the other way.

"There's no way," I groaned out sucking in a breath as what I now knew to be a contraction hit. This baby was coming and it was coming fast.

"In here!" Carl yelled pushing us through a door slamming it close behind us. It was dark in the room and I was happy to find that no walkers had managed to get in here yet, but I didn't know how long that would last.

Maggie nudged me lightly down the stair away from the door and over to a corner where hopefully the walkers wouldn't be able to smell us. There was a chain hanging from the wall beside me and on the other side a large metal cylinder I recognised as an old boiler. I gripped hold of each object on either side of me and squeezed lightly to the chains as another contraction hit.

"We need the alarms to stop," I groaned out letting go of the chains and stepping forward hoping that the pain would wear off with movement. It seemed to only intensify the pain but now that I was moving I couldn't stop.

"Don't worry, just breath," Maggie advised running her hand on my lower back and I was happy that it seemed to be taking away the pain as it dimmed almost vanishing.

"What if they draw walkers?" Carl asked looking between us in concern. He looked more like the scared little boy he should have been then and I wanted to cry out and hold him tight to my chest.

"Fay we need to lie you on the floor," Maggie suggested but I waved her off when another contraction hit. I wasn't stupid, I knew what this meant. This baby was coming too fast for my liking if I was getting contractions this fast.

"No this baby's coming now," I told her resting my hands on my knees as I rode the contraction out through gritted teeth.

"We need to get back to the cell block so Hershel can help," Carl stated and I could see him shifting on his feet from the corner of my eye. You didn't need to hear him speak to know he was worried, you would be able to tell from his body language.

"No, we can't risk getting caught out there," Maggie told him glancing at the boy quickly before turning me around and looking me in the eye. "You're gonna have to give birth to this baby here," although I knew it before she even said the words I felt panic set in me at the thought of having the baby here.

"Okay," I agreed before my breath sped up as another more agonising contraction hit. If I was counting correctly, which wouldn't be too hard to forget with the pain, this baby would be here within the next ten to twenty minutes.

"What's wrong?" Carl asked immediately and I knew he was looking to Maggie as if she had the answers. "Can't she breathe?"

"Don't worry," the woman told him before reaching down to the button on my jeans. "We need to get your pants off," she ordered loosen the button and tugging the wet material down my legs as I held onto a metal bar conveniently placed above my head.

Once Maggie had my pants pooled around my feet she took my hand in hers and lowered me to the floor while I breathed through the contraction without speaking. When woman said having a baby was a lovely, beautiful thing they must have been mistaken. This hurt more than I was expecting and I was afraid something would go wrong. Was this meant to hurt this much?

"You're gonna help deliver your brother or sister," Maggie said to Carl, looking up to him as she tugged my boots off and pulled the jeans from my ankles. "Are you up for it?" she asked him and I knew she was trying to stop him from worrying but also needing his help more than she would like to admit. "I'm gonna see if you're dilated," she told me then but I shook my head at her holding up my hand.

"I am," I muttered clenching my teeth as a sharp pain shot through me again and I rested my chin against my chest. "I need to push,"


	24. Chapter 24

_"_ _You're gonna help deliver your brother or sister," Maggie said to Carl, looking up to him as she tugged my boots off and pulled the jeans from my ankles. "Are you up for it?" she asked him and I knew she was trying to stop him from worrying but also needing his help more than she would like to admit. "I'm gonna see if you're dilated," she told me then but I shook my head at her holding up my hand._

_"_ _I am," I muttered clenching my teeth as a sharp pain shot through me again and I rested my chin against my chest. "I need to push,"_

Maggie glanced at me with wide eyes then and I knew she was thinking that this was happening faster than she thought as well. Her hands slipped around each other my ankles, setting them on the floor at an angle like a midwife would in a hospital. Her hands slipped up my legs then and she pulled my underwear from my hips and tugged them down and off my feet. I watched her through squinted eyes as she did this feeling the exhaustion wash over me as I tilted my head to the side.

Why I was this tired was beyond me. I had barely done anything and I knew that soon I would need to push this baby out when Maggie advised me to. I couldn't be this tired but I knew it was from helping Hershel earlier and running from the walkers. I had forgotten how exhausting running for your life could be.

"I can see the head," she told me as she crouched down between my legs. Normally this would have bothered me but I had been through so much with Maggie that her seeing me like this didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. "Carl take hold of your mom's hand and help her through this." She directed to the boy, setting her hands on my knees and looking up at me. I lifted my head, resting my hands on the floor behind me and propping myself up getting ready to push. "You're gonna need to push on three," she mumbled bring on hand down between my legs ready to hold the baby, before looking up to me again. "One, two, three."

On three I pushed like she advised and almost screamed out as a burning, searing pain ran through my lower body and my eyes flashed with white pain. I wanted to scream out, I really did but I didn't want to draw any walkers to us if this baby was going to come. I could feel Carl's hand on my arm and almost cried out to him saying it was meant to be me squeezing onto him and not him squeezing onto me. His fingers were gripped tightly on my arm but I let him squeeze because it helped take my mind off of the pushing.

"Head's nearly out, I need you to push one more time for me and I'll be able to do the rest," Maggie called out, both her hands down between my legs as she glanced up at me nodding her head. I took that as her queue and pushed with everything I had almost feeling myself stop breathing as I pushed.

"I can't Maggie," I cried out dropping my head back so it was hanging and my eyes rested on the metal grids and wires above us. I was so tired, this was taking more energy out of me that I didn't have.

"Just one more push Fay," Maggie encouraged giving me a nod with wide eyes as I lifted my head to glance at her. I nodded back meekly, sigh before pushing like before.

The funniest feeling washed over me then as I felt Maggie tug and pull the baby from me. I could only describe it as an elastic band stretching and snapping at the same time. I could only imagine an elastic band snapping against my skin and the stinging sensation taking over but at the same time I felt relief that the pain had stopped and I had stopped stretching.

"It's a boy," Carl whispered next to me and I turned my head to see that his eyes were resting on the baby in Maggie's arm. He had tears running down his face but his eyes flashed with panic within seconds. "Why is he blue?" he asked and it was then that I took note that there was no crying out like I had first thought.

I turned my head back to Maggie and watched helplessly as she unwrapped the cord from the baby's neck. Had he already been dead when he came into this world?

"He's still warm," Maggie whispered running her hand over the baby's back hoping that would get him breathing again. I looked down at the little blue thing in Maggie's hands and wanted to cry but I couldn't feel anything. Had I failed this baby?

"Pass him to me," I mumbled to her lifting my arms out for the baby hoping she would pass the little thing to me. Maggie hesitated before handing the baby over and I peered down at him before looking to her. "Help me sit," I asked pushing up on one hand but was thankful when Maggie settled behind me, using her body as a support for mine.

I looked down at the blue tinged baby, running my hand over his back hoping it would bring out the cry I wanted. I could feel Carl watching and wished then that he wasn't there. Shifting against Maggie, I cupped the baby's chin with one hand while covering his nose and mouth with my mouth and sucking. I was hoping that this would help, maybe his lungs were blocked and he needed help to breathe. I repeated the process another five times and felt my hope shattering as the baby didn't cry out. I placed my mouth back against the baby's ignoring Maggie as she told me that there wasn't any point.

Wasn't going to give up on this baby. After everything that had happened over the last couple of months this baby needed to live. A few minutes after and the baby still wasn't breathing I slumped against Maggie, letting the tears fall as sobs wreaked through me.

"I'm sorry," I cried running my fingers over his face lightly as Maggie wrapped her arms around me in comfort. I could hear her crying as well and I knew Carl was crying from the sniffles he was trying to hold in. "I'm sorry," I sobbed turning my head when Carl lifted his hand with the gun, pointing the metal barrel at the baby's head. "Not now!" I snapped at him pushing the gun away and dropping my hand until I had my knife clenched within my hand. "Not a gun," I whispered bringing the knife up and holding it over the baby's head.

It needed to be done. I needed to end this before the baby turned. I glanced down at the little boy in my arms and noted how big he actually looked now. For a baby at least five weeks early he was quite big. I was expecting him to be smaller given that I was hardly able to give him the nutrients he needed but he looked healthy. If he looked healthy, why was he dead?

As I peered down at him I gazed at his face wondering what he would have looked like as he grew. The hair that coated his head was dark and I knew he would have taken after Rick. There was lots of hair on his head and there was already a curl to the ends of the hair. He was a beautiful baby but I wouldn't get to see him grow. I wonder what his eyes would have looked like but I would never get to see them.

Glancing at his closed eyes I dropped the knife letting it shatter to the floor as shiny blue eyes looked back at me. I breathed out in disbelief, bring the hand that held the knife to the baby's chest. I could feel the little beating heart resting just under my fingers and the rise and fall of his chest. But there was no cry.

"Maggie," I whispered wrapping my arms under the baby and lifting him so the woman behind me could look. I knew what she was seeing when I felt her body shake with sobs. She was seeing his eyes as well.

"He's alive," she cried out lifting one hand to touch his hand gently as if not believing his eyes. "Why didn't he cry?" she questioned when she was sure he was actually breathing in front of me.

"Some baby's don't cry," I explained before looking around the room with a frown on my face. I must have been gazing at him for five minutes before I realised the wailing of the alarms had stopped. We had been so caught up in the birth we hadn't realised. "The alarms have stopped," I muttered rising from the slumped position I was in over Maggie's body and looked to Carl. "We should get back to the cell block."

"You shouldn't be moving," Maggie said sternly taking the baby from my arms as I lifted him to her gently. I wouldn't be able to hold him if I wanted to make it back to the cell block.

"We need to go back Maggie," I told her just as sternly pushing myself to my feet after slipping on my underwear. I didn't want to scare Carl any more than he had been. "That baby needs to be safe," I added taking off the thin shirt I had on over my top and held it out to her. Maggie took the shirt from me and wrapped the baby in it before nodding her head.

"Alright, but we stick together." She ordered nodding to Carl to lead the way over to the door. The boy stumbled to his feet and tapped lightly on the door listening in case there was any walkers outside. When there was no noise returned to his tap he opened the door slowly and nodded his head.

Carl led us down the hall and I struggled to keep up as the two of them rushed down the hall. I stumbled slightly and leant against the wall to catch my breath as a soft pain ran down through me. I guess I was still sore from the delivery.

I took a few deep breaths through my nose trying to control my breathing and when I was happy it was under control I glanced up and felt panic run through me when Carl and Maggie were nowhere in sight. Had they just wandered off without me or did they think I was still behind them?

"Carl!" I called out stumbling forward slightly and wincing when another pain shot through my pelvis. I would need Hershel or Kelly to look at me when I got back, giving the circumstances of the birth it wouldn't surprise me if an infection was already setting in with the pain I felt every time I moved. "Maggie!" I whispered out her name hoping she was still close enough to hear but it was a collection of groans that answered me. I squinted into the darkened hallway in front of me fearing for my life when three walkers stumbled closer to me.

My hand dropped to the knife I had placed back into the loop of my jeans and I slid it from the leather cover, gripping the handle tightly in my fingers before taking in a deep breath and setting forward. The only way to make it to C Block was to kill these walkers. They were what stood between me and my family.

The first walkers – a male – stumbled towards me groaning out in what I assumed hunger and I gritted my teeth as I threw myself forward, stabbing the knife through his eye before sliding it out and pushing it through the soft forehead of the next walker – another male – as he limped towards me, standing right behind the first walker.

The two male walkers dropped to the floor, heaping at my feet, the second male slumping on top of the first as I settled my eyes on the third walker. This one was female and I felt a shiver run down my spine as I took in her appearance. From what I could tell she was pregnant if I was to go by the curve of her stomach but what had my on edge was the large gashes across her stomach. It looked like someone had ripped the baby from her and she died in the process and turned.

That could have been me.

I took a step towards her but hunched over in pain as a sharp intense ache ran down through my pelvis and had me crying out. If the walker hadn't noticed me she definitely did as I cried out. I could hear her groans as she called out to me with her groaning, shuffling forward on bent legs, her bony fingers reaching for me.

I gripped the knife tighter in my fingers and pushed myself to my feet with a struggle, preparing myself to fight of this walker. I had a baby that needed me and another son that wouldn't be without his mom. I took another step towards her but hunched over again as the agonising sting went through me again.

It was then that she crashed down on me, pushing me on my back so my arms were trapped and I was defenceless. Her face was close to mine and I could feel her fingers gripping at the material of my shirt. Not being able to get my hands on her I pushed with my elbows until she was lifted slightly from my body and her torso was hovering over me. I slowly brought one leg up, until my knee was against her hip and pushed with my leg until she rolled off of me and I freed my arms.

The knife slammed down into her eye and I felt my face spray with walker blood before I sunk back on the floor and breathed out in relief. That was a close one. Too close.

If that was too close I didn't want to hang around and see how far I could push my luck. Struggling back onto my feet I leant against the wall for support as I made my way down the hallway following white spray painted arrows I knew led the way back to the cell block.

There was a single, stray walker standing in the middle of the hall, his back to me as he gazed up at noting in particular on the wall. I moved quick, stabbing the knife into the back of his head before he realised I was there. The satisfying crunch of his skull crushing and the squelch of his brain being pierced had me grunting in satisfaction as he dropped to the floor in a heap.

I glanced down the end of the hallway feeling myself relax as I set my eyes on the familiar gate that lead into the common room of C Block. It was the same gate we had ran through earlier and I had now made my way back to it through all the chaos.

I reached the gate within seconds when I heard voices from within the cell block. At least I was confident now that others had made it like I had. I pushed the gate shut behind me and walking over to the other gate that lead to the cells but before I could make it two steps towards my new destination a searing pain shot through me and I collapsed to the floor hunched over in pain.

"Oh my god," I cried out clutching hold of my stomach as a very familiar pain shot through me and I took in a shaky breath. Could this really be possible? Could there really be –

"Fay?" a soft voice asked and I looked up quickly to see Beth standing in front of me, a gun in her hands and pointed at me head.

"Bethy," I whispered reaching a hand out for her and then crying in pain as I felt a heavy pressure between my legs. I cried out again causing Beth to drop the gun to the floor in a clatter and rush to my side. One hand rested on my lower back while the other took the hand I had offered to her, squeezing it tightly.

"What's wrong?" she asked her voice laced with concern as she peered at me through loose stands of her hair. She looked so timid and young in that moment but she was also so caring and it made me want to cry.

"There's a baby coming," I told her breathing through my teeth as another contraction came rushing towards me like waves crashing against rocks.

"But you already had a baby," she mumbled sounded confused and I chuckled darkly at her words as I shifted light on my knees to glance at the blonde.

"Well luckily for me it looks like I'm being blessed by the gods and having twins." I muttered darkly gripping her hand tightly as another contraction hit. If I was going by my first set of contractions with the first twin this one would be here soon.

"Daddy!" Beth yelled out then and I could hear shuffling of many people in the cell block at Beth's voice. Glenn and Kelly came rushing out of the cell block guns raised and pointed over in our direction. Both of them lowered their guns when they saw me in Beth's arms, clinging onto her hand as I breathed through the contraction. "There's another baby," she told them waving them over.

They rushed to my side like moths rushing to a flame, both of them gripping onto one of my arms as they lifted me with Beth's help and practically carried me into the cell block, my feet draggin against the floor.

"Hershel!" Glenn called out as the man came into view and looked over to us in concern. I saw Carl step out of his cell block, Amy at his side and a small bundle wrapped in her arms. That was my baby boy and I sighed happily knowing he was fine.

"What's wrong?" Carl asked stepping forward but stopping when Amy placed her hand on his shoulder.

"What is it?" Hershel repeated as Glenn shared a look with Kelly, pushing passed the concerned man and setting me down on the makeshift double bed in mine and Rick's cell. Once I was settled on the bed Glenn rushed out of the cell whispering something into Amy's ear as Hershel and Beth took their places in the cell. Beth came up behind me in the bed much like Maggie had after I had the first baby.

"There's another baby," Beth told him running her hands at the base of my back trying to soothe me. I had no idea where she learnt it, maybe a film or over the last couple of weeks when we were on the run and she was trying to comfort me but it really did help. All the tension and pain that had made its way to the base of my spin lifted and I sigh in relief, sinking back against her.

"Twins?" he asked sounding confused as he sunk onto the bottom of the bed, resting his crutches against the wall as Kelly took of my jeans and underwear just as Maggie had. "Well it seems we're in for a few surprises," he mumbled more to himself as he placed my feet flat on the bed so my knees were in the air and pushed them apart slightly.

It didn't bother me now with Hershel looking at that private part of me, not after Maggie. I glanced up at the old man before looking out into the cell block where Carl, Amy, Glenn and the baby sat on the stair looking in at us.

"Where's Maggie?" I asked knowing she had been with Carl and the baby when I last saw her. Hershel shared a look with Kelly as she rested by my feet and I knew that they were deciding whether to tell me or not. "Hershel!" I bit out sounding angry but I was only in pain as another contraction washed over me.

"She left with Daryl for baby formula and a few other things," he finally muttered pushing my legs further apart as he checked how far dilated it was – well that's what I assumed he was doing.

"When all the walkers were killed and Rick had dealt with Andrew we all turned up at the yard. Carl and Maggie came out with the baby but you weren't in sight. We didn't know what happened to you and Rick was shouting at Maggie about your whereabouts. Maggie said you were right behind them and right after she said that the gate opened but two walkers stumbled out instead of you." Kelly explained running her hand up my leg in a comforting way. "Rick killed them instantly but he went a little crazy thinking you had been killed by them and rushed into the prison to look for you. We all thought you were gone and Daryl was adamant that he wouldn't let anyone else in the group die so he and Maggie took the bike out to get supplies. Glenn's been manning us all, trying to keep everything under control but he can't find Rick. Beth was about to stand guard when you came."

"Was Rick fine when you last saw him?" I questioned her ignoring the look Hershel sent her as she scrunched up his face. Kelly glanced to the man next to her before sighing and running her fingers over her pony tail.

"He was pissed about Andrew and then when Carl and Maggie came out with just the baby he kind of broke down when the walkers came out. He left before anyone could stop him and Daryl and Glenn took over from there." She admitted and I felt myself deflate at my husband's actions. I knew he would hit the deep end if anything happened to me. I glanced over to Glenn as he leant against the stairs, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Would you go look for him please?" I asked the man sitting up slightly so I could see him better over Hershel's shoulder. He bit his lips before nodding his head and sending me a small smile before walking away after saying something sternly to Carl.

"You need to stop worrying," Hershel ordered tapping my knee lightly with his hand so he could gain my attention. "This baby has a while till it gets here so you need to take the time to relax."

"Did Maggie tell you about the baby?" I asked wanting to know if he knew that the baby had been dead when I had him. "He wasn't breathing Hershel and he was so blue. I need you to promise me you will put the baby down if it's dead. I won't be able to do it." I mumbled to him resting my head against Beth's shoulder as a wave of exhaustion washed over me.

"The only thing we need to focus on at the moment is you relaxing," was all he said as he gave me that stern look before muttering quietly with Kelly about getting towels and some water.

"This baby will be fine," Beth whispered close to my ear as she ran her hands over my shoulders lightly in a soft massage. I nodded my head at her words but let my eye close as I tried to relax like Hershel suggested.

* * *

It was dark within the hallway and there was barely any light to lead the man down into the darkness but he followed the endless path, knife held tightly within his hand. He swallowed deeply as he turned the corner slowly, waiting to see if there was any walkers in sight but came to a standstill of surprise.

There were three walkers crumbled in a heap on the floor. Two were slumped together while a lone female hunched over a few feet away. He could tell that they were dead, it was obvious by the pooled blood present around their heads and he somehow knew that it had been Fay that had caused this.

Stepping over the walkers carefully, his knife raised in front of him he continued down the hall until he came to a stop a few turns away outside a metal door. _Boiler Room._ Two words he would have normally disregarded but he was so transfixed by them.

He could remember what Carl had said when he stepped out into the yard, Maggie following him with the baby in her arms. ' _We got trapped in the boiler room. Mom had the baby there, a little boy.'_ He pressed his hand lightly to the door, pushing it open and stepped into the quiet room, closing the door behind him.

There was no noise in the room and as he walked down the steps his eyes settled on the blood stain present on the floor surrounded by the left overs of afterbirth and the umbilical cord. He swallowed a great lump at the sight.

That was where his wife had given birth to their son. That was where there was a moment when he almost lost both of them. He had heard Maggie telling her dad how the baby had been dead when he was born and how Fay had almost killed him. He knew that if she had done that then found out he was alive she would have died.

He took another step towards the bloodstained floor but stopped when a walker stumbled into his sight chewing on what looked to be part of the umbilical cord. Something snapped within him then and he rushed towards the walker, shoving the blade of his knife through his eye before the walker took notice of him.

The walker slumped to the floor and Rick followed pulling his knife from the eye socket of the once walking creature before shoving it into his stomach over and over. That could have easily have been his baby the walker was eating or his wife. Maybe this walker had eaten his wife. It definitely looked like the walker had had its fill within the last couple of days. Maybe that's where Fay was. Eaten and inside this vile thing.

As each thought ran through his mind, Rick sent the knife into the bloated stomach of the dead walker, enraged that this may have been the thing that ended his wife.

He knew that she was gone. When she didn't follow behind Maggie and Carl and after seeing those two walkers and now this one he knew she didn't stand a chance. He knew his wife was strong but he didn't know if she was that string to kill and protect herself against that many walkers after giving birth. She must have been exhausted.

He sent one more piecing stab into the walker's stomach as he cried out at the thought of his wife being eaten. She had left him in this world with two motherless children. How was he meant to bring them up in this dangerous world now without her? He knew he wouldn't be able to live without her and now she wasn't here with him.

A shrill ring of an old sounding telephone snapped him out of his sobs as his eyes shot to the dusty phone on the side. Stumbling to his feet, Rick rushed to the phone, gripping the receiving in his hand tightly before bring the piece to his ear.

"Hello?" he grunted through his tears. His voice was muffled by the anger and tears, clouding his voice in husky tone.

"Did ya miss me brother?" a taunting voice echoed down the phone leaving the ex-deputy sheriff speechless.

* * *

"I can't do it," I cried out clenching onto Beth's hand tightly as Hershel sent me a severe look I would have been afraid of before this whole apocalypse thing as he took a towel from Kelly's hand and settled it on the mattress beneath me.

"The head's already out, all you gotta do is one more push and this baby will be in your arms," he told me raising his eyes brows as if challenging me to argue with him. I was just so tired and I couldn't do it anymore but his words did make sense. One more push and this would all be over.

"Okay," I mumbled tiredly slumping against Beth as I pushed all my weight down onto my bum as pushed with all I had. A sharp buzzing sound washed over me as my eyes flicked with white spots and I felt slack against Beth. I felt numb, like I couldn't move any of my limbs but I was roused from the numbness by a shrill echoing cry.

It was a beautiful sound, almost like wind chimes singing in the wind a sweet melody. It was sweeter than a bird's song and I opened my eyes, glancing over to the baby wrapped in a towel, held within Hershel's arms.

"A little girl," he told me handing the baby to Kelly so she could settle the baby in my arms. I looked down at the baby's pink face, her nose scrunched up as if she was going to cry but instead she opened her eyes. They were the same blue as her brother's, like her dad's and Carl's. I knew that most baby's started out with blue eyes but for some reason I knew she would have her daddy's eyes.

"She's so beautiful," Beth whispered behind me and I could feel her hovering over my shoulder as she looked down at the baby in my arms.

"She's so small," I mumbled looking to Hershel as he nodded his head at my words and then turned his head to look at the open cell as Carl stepped into the cell, Amy hovering behind him.

"I have a sister?" he asked looking down to the baby in my arms before glancing to the boy in Amy's arms. "I have a brother and a sister … that's more than I was expecting," he added softly bring out a laugh with the rest of us as he settled on the bed next to me and peered down at his sister.

"What do you think?" I asked him resting my head against Beth as I felt defeated by everything today. I watched him carefully as he took in his little brother before looking to his little sister and smiled softly.

"I think they're great," he told me and I knew he was being honest with me, not holding back like I thought he would. "Big brother Carl right?" he asked giving me a soft smile before leaning forward and placing a light kiss on his sister's head. "She's so tiny." He added as he pulled back to look at her.

"Well I think her brother stole all my juice from her," I mumbled looking over to the baby in Amy's arms as she stepped closer to the bed. I felt Beth shift behind me and soon felt a pile of pillows at my back instead of her. She leant forward then, raising her arms and taking the baby off of her fellow blond before resting her back against the wall, her feet and legs passing between me and Carl. "We're gonna have to be careful with her," I told him looking up to see him looking between his brother and sister.

"I'm thinking that she'll need to be on a mix of breastmilk and formula before she can catch up with the boy," Hershel input resting his back against the low bedframe as he glanced between us all. "She'll need all the nutrients you can provide to gain the weight she needs. We're luck she wasn't too small or she might have needed special treatment. I'll want to keep an eye on her though, she's in a fragile state with her size."

"I want you to keep an eye on both of them Hershel," I grumbled bringing the little girl closer to my chest as she snuggled into the towel, closing her eyes.

"Of course," her grumbled holding his hand out for Amy to help him to his feet as Kelly handed him his crutches. "I'm going to clean up. Kelly will clean you up in a minute and then you'll need to rest." He added looking between us all before he left the cell with Amy leaving me with the twins, Carl, Beth and Kelly.

"Do I still get to name her?" Carl asked looking at me, his head tilted to the side as his eyes dropped to his sister.

"Of course, but I want to wait for your dad to get back before we name her." I told him titling my head back and glancing at the boy in Beth's arms. "Did your dad name him?" I asked looking to Carl seeing him shake his head as he shifted his eyes to Kelly.

"I thought we established that if the baby was a boy he would be Theodore-James?" Carl mumbled looking at me with a frown on his face. "I've been calling him that, so has everyone else. Was it wrong for me to do so?" he asked and I could hear the worry in his voice.

"No baby, it's fine. You're dad and I decided if the baby was a boy he'd be Theodore-James. That's your brother's name so you call him that." I stated lifting one hand and cupping his cheek lightly, tilting his head up so his eyes will lock with mine. "I want you to know that I still love you deeply. The twins won't change the way I feel about you. I love you too much and you know that. I love the three of you equally and I may not seem that way at first but I know you can look after yourself. The twins need me to care for them. You understand that right?" I asked hoping he knew that having these babies wouldn't change the way I felt about him.

"I know mom, I'll be here to help as well." He told me giving me the same determined look his father had when he was serious about things. It seemed our son was taking after his dad in that aspect as well.

"We have a problem," Glenn's voice stopped the words that were about to slip from my mouth as he hovered over the cell entrance, looking between us all with a concerned face.

"What is it?" Kelly asked rising to her feet as she looked over to Glenn, her face revealing the same concern seen on Glenn's face.

"Rick thinks Fay's dead."


	25. Chapter 25

"You're not going!" he spat sternly, gripping onto my arm as I tried to pass him. I closed my eyes, sighing deeply before turning and facing the farmer.

"Hershel I need to go. My husband's suffering and he doesn't need to. If what Glenn said is true then he's already going down the deep end. We don't need Rick in that state right now so please let me go." I stressed to him hoping he would understand that I needed to be with Rick right now.

"You've just given birth to twins within two hours of each other. You shouldn't be running around but resting!" he stated giving me the same look he gave Beth or Maggie when he disapproved of something they did.

"I need to go to him Hershel," I sighed knowing he wouldn't want me going out there just to see Rick.

"That little girl in there needs her mother, what happen if you get bit by a stray walker trying to find him? He might have left the boiler room by now and you'll be wandering around there. She's too fragile at the moment and she needs her mother to care for her, if you don't she might not make it." He argued trying to make an intimidating pose while keeping steady on his crutches.

"And she'll need her father as well, as does Carl and Theodore. You may not agree with my choices Hershel but I need you to trust that I will come back. My husband means just as much to me as those children and I won't let him live another second thinking I'm dead." I told him placing my hand on the gun at my hip before sliding it over to my knife making sure I was armed before I made my way towards the boiler room.

"T-Dog and Carol died in the walker attack. Do you think I'm going to let you go out there and get yourself killed over Rick? He may be their father but you are their mother and they need you more than they'll need him!" Hershel spat and I couldn't help but feel that his words were harsh as they came out at me.

"Daddy!" Beth shouted at the man as she stood in the doorway of my cell looking at her father in shock. I could see that the words her dad had spoken had truly hurt her. Did she think I would think of her differently because of his words? Or him? I knew what Hershel was saying was logical, he was trying to get me to see sense.

"It's okay Bethy," I told her giving her a smile before looking to back to Hershel. "Look Hershel, I know you care but I need him. I was hoping you would understand but I'm finding it hard to see that right now. Rick is my life. If he wasn't in this world then those twins wouldn't have been here. Hell I don't think any of us would have gotten this far without him." I grumbled feeling myself get angry that Hershel didn't want me to get Rick. "I love him and I'm going to him whether you like it or not."

"I'll come with you mom," Carl stated resting his hand his gun much like his dad did most of the time. I looked to him then and thought that he looked and acted much older than the twelve nearly thirteen year old he was.

"I need you to stay here. You need to watch Theo and your sister. Maybe help Beth with them and perhaps come up with a name for your sister," I mumbled to him, running my fingers over his cheek before looking to Beth as she stood in the doorway of my cell holding onto my little girl. "You'll be fine watching them for a while?" I asked hoping she wouldn't mind.

"I would love to," she said softly looking down at the sleeping girl in her arms before looking up to me with a smile. "I won't take my eyes off of Theo or Baby Grimes."

"Baby Grimes?" I questioned frowning slightly at her words. Beth chuckled lightly at my words sharing a glance with Carl who only shrugged his shoulders at her words and look.

"It's better than calling her 'her' or 'she'. Carl may take his time giving Baby G her name so I wanted to call her something." She explained rocking the baby slightly in her arms as she looked to me. "Be careful okay,"

"I will, don't worry Bethy," I told her running my hand over her shoulder lightly, cupping her face in my hand before giving Carl a look as he settled on the bed next to Theo, standing guard over his little brother and sister.

"I'm not happy about you going out there," Hershel said to me as our eyes locked once again. I sighed not having the energy to fight with him anymore. Like he said I had just given birth to twins within an hour of each other.

"I'll take her Hershel," Glenn stated as Hershel lead me over to the gate leading into the common area. He was checking his gun before pushing it into the holster on his hip and snatching his knife up from the table he had been sat at. "You don't need to worry Hershel, I'll get her there safely."

"Fine," the old man finally gave in looking to his daughter's boyfriend before looking to me and giving me a stern fatherly look. "I want you to be extra careful and I need you to be back here within an hour. That little girl will need a feed by then and I don't know if Daryl and Maggie will be back. No longer than an hour or Glenn will come and get you." He ordered to which I nodded my head, rested my hand on his arm softly and took off following Glenn as we left the cell block to the boiler room where Glenn said Rick was. It seemed fitting that my husband would have a break down in the room where I delivered Theo.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want me to go in with you?" Glenn asked as we stood outside the boiler room. I could see that he was hesitant on letting me go on my own. He had already spoken to Rick after everything happen so he knew what state he was in but I needed to do this on my own.

"I'm sure Glenn, you go back and watch over the others. You're in charge while Rick and Daryl aren't, you need to be there for when Maggie gets back." I told him giving him a soft smile as I pressed my hand to the door of the boiler room and pushed it open. "I can do this," I mumbled to myself before stepping into the room and down the steps slowly.

I saw him sat on a stool at a desk not too far from where I had given birth to Theo. I looked down at the floor and caught a glimpse of the bloodstained area but was surprised to see a mutilated walker slumped against a close wall. There was a stab wound to the head but it was the dismembered and torn stomach that had me almost throwing up. Out of all the walkers I had seen since the outbreak this was the most disgusting one – worse than the pregnant walker I had to put down.

"Rick," I whispered when I stepped closer to him hoping he would actually believe what Glenn said when he told him I was alive. I watched as his figure tensed at my words and he froze before slowly turning his head to face me. His eyes locked with mine but there was so many emotions running through them and one I saw swimming just under the surface was fear. What did he have to fear?

"Go away," he cried turning his whole body to face me like his head. His eyes were tearing up and my heart broke when I caught the raw emotion plastered on his face. "Please leave me alone. I didn't mean to fail you. I tried to look for you but I couldn't get to you on time. You weren't here when I got here but I tried. I tried so hard!" he cried dropping down from the stool, collapsing on his knees in front of the desk. "I'm so sorry, I didn't … I didn't mean to. Oh God … you left me. You left me and you left Carl. You left that little boy. I can't be a father to them. I can't even look at him. I knew as soon as I saw that baby in Maggie's arms and then looked for you that he was responsible for your death. How can I even look at that baby and not hate him? He lost me my wife and everyone expects me to love him? I can't do it!" he screamed burying his head in his hands as he surrendered to the tears that washed over him.

"Rick, I'm not dead!" I snapped at him resting on the floor in front of him, grasping his wrists within my hands and pulling his away from his face so he could look at me. "Look at me, look at me Rick. I'm here with you. I never left and you need to understand that. Glenn told you I was still here. I'm here now and I'm never going to leave you again." I told him running my fingers over his face, wiping away his tears but sniffled at the sight of him. I had never seen him break down like this but here he was, sobbing like a babe.

"I made you a promise and I broke it," he whispered pulling away from me and looking up at my face. "How can I be a dad to those boys after I got their mom killed? How could they even look at me?" he asked and I grew confused when he started to speak like that. Did he not know that I was here in front of him? "I loved you so much Faylin, I loved you so much." He sobbed dropping his head on his knees as he curled into himself and allowed his tears to consume him.

"Are you not listening to me?" I asked him feeling the anger within me rear at the thought of him ignoring me. His head didn't move, but I watched as his shoulders shook as he allowed himself to be sucked into a case of wallowing. "Rick you need to snap out of whatever this is you are in and get your shit together!" I snapped feeling satisfied when he looked up at me with watery eyes. "Yeah, I'm alive. Stop sulking and get your head back in the game. I didn't die, so you can stop your blabbering. I had a baby. I had Theodore-James in a boiler room and he died. Did Carl tell you that before you ran off or did you ignore your twelve year old son and your new-born? Theo was dead when I had him but he managed to make it and survive. I did to. I managed to get back to the cell block on my own. I killed four walkers to get back to you and the group. And you know what?" I seethed at him not liking the way my husband was staring blankly at me as I spoke to him. "I was in labour as I fought my way back to the cell block. I got back to my family only to have to go through another birth. I needed you there but where were you? You were being selfish! I know you thought I was dead but as I was giving birth to our third child, Glenn came looking for you as you lost your mind. He found you and told you I was alive but you wouldn't have it.

"I know that today has been crazy for everyone. We lost T-Dog and Carol and you thought you lost me but I'm still here. I had twins Rick and I'm still here. We have a little boy and a little girl. A little girl Rick just like you saw. I need you to be with me. I need you to come and care for them, to love them, but you can't do that stuck in whatever … I need you to stop. I just need you." I whispered staring at him hoping I would be able to see something in his eyes apart from the blank look he was giving me.

"I don't want you here," he whined out looking away from me and focusing on something behind my shoulder. My heart broke at his words and it felt like I was slowly shattering inside. "Leave me alone. Leave me alone! Go" Leave! I don't want you here!" he shouted jumping to his feet pulling out his gun and waving it above his head as he looked over to the door.

I stumbled to my feet and his words fearing for myself when I saw the crazy look in his eye. This wasn't the man I married. This wasn't the man I was in love with. Was his that consumed by the thought of me being dead that he couldn't actually see what was in front of him?

"Rick," I whispered reaching out to him but flinched back as his eyes settled on me before he turned his back, resting his hands on the desk, leaning forward as he shook his head back and forth.

£Please leave. I hurt you, I hurt you and I can't do it again." He sighed dropping back down onto the stool shaking his head as he cried into his hands ignoring me as if I had already left the room. I took one step back, keeping my eyes on him before turning on my feet and rushing out of the room, slamming the door behind me.

The tears fell down my face as I rested on the way opposite the boiler room, the door to my back. I couldn't do this. I couldn't do it. Why wouldn't he believe I was there? Why was he so wrapped in his head that he still thought I was dead? I was right in front of him. Was he that blind?

* * *

I didn't ever think there could be something so perfect in the world but that had been before I had deliver the two most beautiful babies in the world. For all we knew these two might be the last two babies to have been born in the world. There was no knowing if there had been other woman that had fallen pregnant after the world went to shit. And we definitely didn't know if they had a place like the prison.

"And he wouldn't come?" Beth asked softly as she sat in the bed next to me looking down at the twins as they rested on the double bed between us. I glanced up at the blonde and smiled at her slightly. She had stayed while I was talking to Rick as she was adamant that she wouldn't leave my side until Maggie and Daryl came back.

"He still thinks I'm dead. I think he thought I was a ghost. He sure spoke to me like I was one," I told him running my finger over Baby G's cheek as she snuggled into the blanket she had been wrapped in. According to Beth the twins had been asleep since I had left but the last couple of minutes I could tell that they were getting groggy.

"I'm sure he'll come round. Give him the night to think on your words. He's been through a lot," she mumbled resting her hand on my spare one lightly giving it a slight squeeze. There was something about Beth that made her different from everyone else. She was still so pure and positive in this world. After everything she had been through, after what we had all been through she still had such faith in the world. She could still see the hope that was out there.

"She'll be needing a feed," Hershel spoke from the cell door startling me as I glance up at him. "She's getting restless, Maggie got like it when she was hungry. I'd like for you to try and feed her and maybe Theo as well. I'm not sure when Maggie and Daryl will get back."

"Okay," I whispered to the man nodding my head at his words. He may not have been qualified like I was but I could tell he was doctoring me correctly. If I was him and I was looking in on a patient I would have suggested the same thing. Hershel may not have had much experience with new mothers and new-borns but my experience didn't go much further. I never really had to deal with the maternity ward just the occasional check-up with a new mother and baby. I was mainly based within the emergency ward most shifts or filtered around where I was needed at the time.

I slid my hands under Baby G's body, placing my left hand under her head while my right hand rested on her bum and lower back. She was so tiny that my fingers brushed over my right hand as I lifted her up. I shifted lightly on the bed until my back was resting against the cool wall and I settled her against my chest. Beth handed me a pillow, placing it gently under the baby's body as I pulled the strap from my bra until the left side was unhooked and my breast free. I knew that there was milk already developed, I could feel the weight in my breast but I didn't know if this would be any good for the baby. Only a week ago I had barely any food within me but now I was on a good diet again, eating what food we had.

I looked up to Hershel and knew that my face must have shown the worry I was feeling as he gave me an encouraging nod and small smile before turning away from the cell and hobbling away. I knew he was leaving to give me my privacy but he would be close enough if we needed to call for help. I lifted my top lightly trying to forget that Beth was beside me but realised that she had been there when I was giving birth so there wasn't a need for me to be so modest. I shifted the baby close to me and I smiled when she lifted her head towards my chest her lips puckering until she latched onto my nipple. At first it felt weird, the way she would suck, her cheeks going hollow until they puffed out but after a few minutes I grew used to the feel.

"That looked easy," Beth said and I could hear the smile in her voice. I looked over to her and saw the love in her eyes as she glanced at Baby G before dropping them down to Theo, placing her finger in his hand and a latched hold of it, blinking his eyes open softly.

"She could probably smell the milk," I told her remembering one midwifery lesson I had when I was eighteen when the class I was in was covered by a small group of midwives.

"They can do that?" Beth asked looking stunned at the thought. I chuckled at her words, running my hand over Baby G's back lightly as I looked down at Theo. Babies were a lot smarter than we gave them credit for. They had survival instincts within in them as well. They knew where their food was and they knew the difference between day and night. They also knew who their mother was and could recognise voices that heard within the womb.

"They have this instinct when it comes to food." I told her feeling my mind switch from friend to doctor in an instant. "The first four days after the birth your breasts produce this form of milk called colostrum. It's protein-rich and supplies the baby with antibodies that help fight off infections. Around the fourth day you start producing a mature milk which will start to be produced in a plentiful supply. It's a kind of work on a supply and demand production. The more she feeds, the more she takes and then the more milk my breasts will make.

"It's actually a lot more complicated than it sounds. The beginning of the feed is foremilk, which is watery and thirst-quenching and then it gets to the hindmilk. The hindmilk is rich in calories and more satisfying. It's important for the baby to drink for at least ten to fifteen minutes or she'll become hungry again." I explained pulling Baby G away from my breast when she had stopped suckling and settled her against my shoulder, rubbing and patting her back gently until she let out a small burp. I smiled at her actions and settled her against my chest again laughing lightly when she turned her head towards my breast, her lips puckering. "She's a hungry little thing." I chuckled letting her latch on again as I turned to Beth.

The blonde had been watching and listening with fascination but her finger was still in Theo's grasp and I could see the way she was hovering over him protectively. I suppose she had gown close to them both while I had gone. I may have only been gone for twenty minutes but that was enough time for her to bond with them both. I sure as hell bonded with them seconds after they were born.

"That's a good thing right?" Beth asked looking to me in hope. I tilted my head to the side wonder what she was thinking. "It's good that Baby G's wanting that much right?"

"It is good that she's hungry. It's telling us that she's getting her fill which will allow her to put on the calories. She'll soon be putting on weight and catching up with her brother," I muttered to the blonde looking between Theo and Baby G. "God I hope Carl comes up with a name soon because I can't handle calling her Baby G anymore."

"Baby Grimes is a bit of a mouthful but you're right. She does need her own name." Beth agreed shooting a look down to Theo as he let out a small whine. It was the first time I had heard him make a noise. Since the birth he had been silent compared to his sister but this had been the first time I had heard anything come out of his mouth.

"Do you mind picking him up?" I asked her shifting Baby Grimes in my arms as I glanced over to her brother. I could only guess that he was hungry as well. The poor thing had been in this world longer than his sister but he had waited a little longer before deciding he was hungry. It was like he was already becoming a protective big brother.

Beth had him in her arms within an instant. She had picked him up a similar way that I had held Baby Grimes to me and cuddled him to her chest as she spoke softly to him.

"Aren't you a beautiful baby? A good looking little boy," she cooed pulling faces down to him before sending me a glance with a beautiful smile. I smiled back at her and let my head drop down to the girl in my arms when her sucking stopped. I looked down at her and smiled when I realised she had fallen asleep. She must have gotten her fill and dropped off.

I pulled her away from my breast, holding her in one arm as I pulled down my top and settled her lightly on the bed. She was curled up within her blanket, her legs curled up like the fetal position and I knew it would take a while before her body got used to the room around her.

Slipping my hand under my shirt, I slid my bra back into position, tugging the strap back up my shoulder and pulling my hand from under my shirt. I could not wait until the pain in my breasts went but I knew that would be a while. Breastfeeding for some hurt and sometimes they had to stop because it was so painful. Hopefully I would be able to continue breastfeeding for a while. It wasn't just good for the babies but it was also good for me as well.

"We should go to the common area," I told Beth standing from the bed and helping her to her feet so she wouldn't stumbled as she tried to get up. Theo was gazing up at her with those big blue eyes of his and I wondered what was going on in his head. What thoughts did babies have? "I want him to be as close to Daryl and Maggie when they get back. If they got formula I want him to be close to it." I added thinking that he must be hungry just like his sister was. Beth nodded her head slipping out of the cell, walking beside Carl as he lead her over to the common area where I knew everyone else was.

I slid my hand under Baby Grimes' head and back, lifting her gently until she was settled in my arms, close to my chest. I pressed a little kiss to her head and slowly made my way out of the cell. I knew what Hershel would say if he saw me up and about. He'd complain and tell me to get back into bed as I shouldn't be up after everything I'd been through. I would roll my eyes at him and wait for the Daryl and Maggie to get back from their run.

I had reached the gate to the common area when I heard another metal gate pulling open from across the room and watched as Beth's head lifted up in the direction. A smile crossed her face so I could only assume Maggie had returned. No less than a minute later was Daryl standing in front of her taking Theo from her arms and holding him gently within his own as Maggie shook a bottle and handed it to him. Daryl gently nudged the bottle into Theo's mouth and smiled when the little boy started suckling the formula down.

Who in the hell knew Daryl Dixon knew about babies? I had seen the way he took Theo from Beth. He knew how to hold a new born. And the way he feed him, gently rocking him in his arms as he held the bottle to the baby's mouth.

"Daryl Dixon you surprise me," I called out to him watching as relief washed over his face as he turned to look at me. It was very amusing to watch as he face washed over in confusion and then disbelief as his eyes dropped to the baby in my arms.

"Two of them?" he asked in confusion as his eyes looked between Theo and Baby Grimes. I could see that there was a look of surprise but there was also happiness behind his eyes, hidden within the mix of emotions he was feeling.

"Mom had her not long after you left." Carl told him stepping closer to his little brother as he looked up at the hunter. "She made her way to the cell block, fought off four walkers while she was having contractions. She got her just before having Baby Grimes." Carl added as Daryl looked down at him in confusion.

"Baby Grimes?" he asked the boy looking up at me and then around at everyone else as we all held smiles on our faces.

"I haven't thought of her name yet," Carl explained looking sheepish as he sat on one of the benches at the table giving Daryl a toothy grin. Daryl smiled to him then before crouching slightly and gently placing Theo in his bog brother's arms and handing him the bottle.

"Ya got him?" Daryl asked him waiting for Carl to nod before he let go. Beth sat down beside Carl, hovering over him as he held his little brother. "So ya got a brother and a sister then?" Daryl questioned looking to Carl before dropping his eyes to the little girl in my arms, walking over and peering down at her. "She's tiny but I can see she's a fighter." He grumbled bringing his hand up and gently running his fingers over her tuff of strawberry hair. "Ain' ya Lil Ass Kicker?"

"You giving her a name now Dixon?" I asked not helping the smile that filtered across my lisp as I looked to the tough man cooing down at the little girl. "You know that's Carl's job."

"Yeah well the boy's got his hands full and it's better than Baby Grimes," he concluded shrugging slightly as he removed his hand and looked around at the group in the communal area and frown, turning back to look at me. "Where's Rick?" he asked and I felt my smile and heart drop at the same time.

"The boiler room," I told him softly, shifting Lil' Ass Kicker as Daryl dubbed her in my arms as I looked to the hunter. "Glenn went to him when I was in labour with her but came back to tell us that Rick thought I was dead." I sighed feeling just how tired I was now after I let everything catch up with me.

"He ain't come back?"

"I went to see him." I started looking around until my eyes settled on Carl who had looked up from Theo and over to us. I nodded my head at Daryl, moving closer to the cell block lowering my voice. "He's a bit loopy at the moment. When I went to him he was speaking to me like I was dead … like he was talking to be from the grave. He asked me to leave, he broke down and he waved his gun around the place. He really thinks I'm gone Daryl." I explained hearing my voice break at the end of my words but quickly closed my eyes to keep the tears in.

"I'll talk to –"

"No!" I spoke over him opening my eyes and seeing the confusion on his face. "You don't need to do that. I told him about the twins and I think he heard me. I think deep down he knows I'm here. I just want to give him the night to think things over before anyone tries anything with him. He might just need time. And to be honest I'm too tired to be worrying over him. I need rest and I knew Hershel will be all over my arse if I don't go get some rest." I told him sighing as I let my body relax and my shoulders sagged forward. "Plus I think I'm gonna be up in a few hours to feed these two."

"You go to ya cell, I'll bring the formula and bottles to you." Daryl ordered and I knew it was an order from the tone he used. I nodded my head giving him a soft smile as I left the communal area and settled down on the double bed in my cell, setting Lil' Ass Kicker on the mattress just as Beth entered with Theo in her arms, the bottle still in his mouth.

"I'm gonna stay here with you tonight," she told me sitting on the edge of the bed as she continued to feed Theo.

"You don't need to." I mumbled feeling a yawn take over as I stretched lightly and shook my head to stay awake. She scoffed at me, giving me a look I thought I would never see on her face.

"You're falling asleep and I know it would make you feel better if someone else was here. I'll help you Fay, you don't need to ask for it, I knew you want it but you don't want to ask. We're family so you don't need to ask." She said pulling the bottle from Theo's mouth as he finished the bottle and placed him carefully on her shoulder, patting his back until he belched and snuggled into a sleep. She placed him down onto the bed next to his sister before giving me a smile. "You need rest and you may pass out because of your exhaustion so I'll be here to help you."

"Thank you Bethy," I sighed curling up under the blankets next to the wall as I looked down at the twins and felt my eyes drift shut as I smiled at the hoe beautiful they both looked. They were my sweet babies and I knew that they would bring this group closer.

Tonight I would let myself rest so I could care for them the best I could and then tomorrow we had a challenge. Tomorrow we would have to deal with Rick and the walkers scattered around the yard and prison. Tomorrow we would be facing a new day that would no doubt be giving us new challenges.


	26. Chapter 26

"We locked the gate leading into the tombs," Glenn states as I walked into the communal area, holding Lil' Ass Kicker to my chest as she snuggled into me. Beth walked out in front of me, Theo held to her chest as she smiled at her sister who handed her a bottle as we approached.

We had gotten into a system already since the twins arrived yesterday. The twins had woken up twice last night for a feed – both times I had feed Lil' Ass Kicker by breastfeeding her whereas her brother was on formula. I knew Hershel wanted me to try and breastfeed both of them but Theo seemed content on the formula.

"Should keep walkers out for the time being," Hershel muttered smiling over to us as he saw me and Bethy walking in with the twins. "Amy made some oatmeal, better get yourselves filled up on that. We've got a big day ahead of us."

Maggie sat down at the table next to us, Carl dropping between me and Glenn as he brought over bowls of oatmeal for us to dig into. As Carl ate his breakfast his eyes settled on his little sister and brother as if checking that they were both okay and weren't fussing.

"What are the plans for today?" I asked taking the bottle of formula off of Kelly as she handed it over. It had been at Hershel's insistence last night when he walked passed my feeding Lil' Ass Kicker for the second time that I give her formula for her morning feed. I placed the teat to her lips and after a few tries to latch on but I could tell that she didn't particularly enjoy drinking it. The good thing was that it was a small bottle and we were only using the formula to ensure she was getting everything she needed that she might not be getting through breastmilk.

"Well we're gonna burn the walkers in the yard," Daryl started leaning against the wall, a bowl of oatmeal in his hands as he looked over at us all. "Clear out the halls and eventually make our way down to the tombs,"

"We sure that's a good idea?" I asked thinking about Rick still stuck inside the boiler room. I knew he hadn't left last night. I knew what was running around in his head and knew that it would be a while before he even ventured out from there.

"We need to get back on our feet, establish what's happened and move on from what happened." Hershel said dropping his spoon into his bowl as he looked at everyone around the room. "I know it sounds harsh but we can't linger on what happened but move forward to help us prepare for the challenges we're about to face."

"We want to help," Axel announced standing from a corner table he and Oscar had been sitting at and looking over at us. "We weren't with Andrew when he let those walkers in. we helped you and we want to help you again."

"Alright, fine," Daryl muttered taking over role as leader while Rick was … was doing whatever it was doing. "Axel ya'll stay here and help Hershel, Amy and Kelly with cleaning out this cell block. A few walkers got through and left a mess. Oscar ya'll come help me, Glenn and Maggie with clearing the yard. Carl ya'll keep watch over ya mom, Beth and the twins."

"Actually me and Maggie were going to go into that little turn off town I located on the map a few miles out. We thought it would be best to get as much baby stuff as we could before we run out. We haven't got that much formula and Theo will need it soon. Plus we think it would be good to get some more baby clothes for the twins. Lil' Ass Kicker's smaller than her brother, those clothes you and Maggie picked up yesterday are drowning her." Glenn mumbled and I could see him turning into that slightly intimidated guy we was when we all first met.

"You don't need to do that," I started only for Maggie to look at me over Beth's shoulder giving me a stern look much like her father.

"We want to," she said giving me a soft smile as she looked down to Theo. "That little guy is going to grow fast and he'll need new clothes. She's going to need clothes that fit her and keep her warm. We want the twins to be comfortable and stop any risks that may get them sick. Don't argue with us we want to do this." She sternly applied standing from the table and dropping her bowl into the large metal basin full of warm water.

"When are you leaving?" Hershel asked as Maggie took the bowl from her dad as he tried to get up from his seat. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder stopping him from getting up before exchanging a look with Glenn.

"We were going to leave in half an hour maybe, we wanted to be sure everything was fine here before we left," Glenn answered giving us all a smile as he placed his bowl into the basin and was ushered away from it by Amy as she placed her hands into the warm water and washed the bowls.

"That's fine," Daryl told him passing his bowl to Amy as he glanced around the room, his eyes settling on Carl and he nodded at him, shooting his eyes in my direction.

Mom," Carl sighed looking up to be and giving me a forced smile. I frowned at him clutching his little sister closer to my chest as I tugged the bottle from her lips and rested her gently on my shoulder, rubbing her back. What was wrong with Carl? "I'm going to see dad. Daryl said he'd take me but I wanted to see him, speak to him. You don't have to like it but I'm still going to do it. I thought it would be better if I told you rather than you finding out later." He added giving me a look that stated his determination.

"Okay," I whispered knowing it would be pointless to argue with him. He was too much like his father for that. "When are you going?" I asked him looking over to Daryl who had shouldered his crossbow and was checking he had his knives and gun on him. "I take it you're going now?"

Carl nodded his head, climbing to his feet and dropping his bowl into the warm water before coming back over and standing between me and Beth. He pressed his lips to the side of Theo's head before doing the same with his sister and then giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"I promise I'll stay safe and Daryl said he wouldn't leave me." He voiced as if sensing my concern. I gave him a soft smile and brought his sister down to my chest so she could snuggle against me again. I looked down at her, the light strawberry hair she had and the way her small noise scrunched up as if she was going to sneeze before looking up to her big brother.

"I believe you, but I need you to promise me something,"

"What?" he asked frowning slightly at my words before giving me a smile that made me realise he was growing up too fast in this world. He wasn't the twelve year old he had been before this. In less than a month he'd be thirteen an actual bratty teenager – I hope he wouldn't be bratty. There was too much going on in this world to deal with Carl as a bratty teen.

"You promise me that by afternoon you'll have at least thought of a name for your sister." I told him watching as his smile grew and a few of the others chuckled around us. "It's getting tiring calling her Baby Grimes or Lil' Ass Kicker. She needs a name like Theo so she can start becoming herself. You need to name her Carl," I added running my fingers over her red hair as I looked down at the baby.

"I thought you didn't want me to name her until dad was here," he said sounding unsure as he looked between me and his sister. I gave him a sad smile at that and thought of his dad. I was hoping that the little talk he was about to have with Carl would snap him out of whatever was eating him.

"I'm sure your dad won't mind," I told him looking over to Daryl who looked ready to leave and then glanced back to Carl. "You should go, Daryl looks impatient." I sighed giving him one last smile as he rested his hand on his gun and took the knife that Daryl offered him. With one last glance at me, Carl followed Daryl out of the cell block, leaving the keys in the gate on our side.

* * *

When Carl stepped into the boiler room thoughts of Theo's birth rushed through his head. He glanced back to the slightly closed door knowing that Daryl was waiting outside to give him and his dad a few minutes alone.

Carl's eyes rested on the dried blood on the floor and he swallowed deeply as the memories of his mom giving birth to Theo. There was that scary moment when they all thought Theo was dead and he had even pointed his gun at his little brothers head ready to pull the trigger. What if he had actually pulled the trigger and killed his little brother before he got to take his first breath and announce to the world that he was alive?

"Dad," Carl called seeing his dead leaning against the desk, sitting firmly on a stool looking down to the old phone perched on the desk. Carl could tell immediately that his dad hadn't slept at all last night, probably so wound up that he hadn't even moved.

Rick turned at the sound of his sons voice and glanced at the smaller version of him remembering the times Fay had said that the boy would grow up to look just like him. He was caught off guard as he looked to his son frowning at the look on his face. The boy didn't look broken over his mother's death and he wondered what had been running through his boys head.

"Carl," he replied grounding out the word with a rough voice. To Carl it was clear in his dad's voice that the man had been crying all night – probably over the thoughts running through his head that had him believing that his mom was dead.

"Dad you need to stop this!" he said sternly then looking to the man he worshiped in every sense. This man wasn't just his dad but also his role model. The last few months had been difficult – actually it was almost a year – considering the world had turned to shit (as his mom would say) and he had taken a drastic change in the way he ran his life but Carls till saw him as a role model. There had been people his dad barely knew – Daryl (Carl was sure that the man would have survived without his dad), Hershel, Maggie, Glenn, Carol, Beth, Amy, Kelly and T-Dog – that he had taken care of making sure that they had a fighting chance in this world like everyone else even when they weren't certain over his choices. Carl had seen the looks they had given his dad when he told them all he had killed Shane. "Mom's alive" She didn't die like you think! Did she tell you about the twins? A little boy and girl. My baby brother, your son, mom named him Theodore-James just like you two talked about. And my little sister, I still got to name her but I've got a few names bouncing around my head but I can't name her yet. Mom wants her name by this afternoon but she didn't want me to name her until you got to see her. I want to wait for you dad but she needs a name. We can't keep calling her Baby Grimes or Lil' Ass Kicker.

"She's so pretty dad, got mom's hair it's like ginger fluff on her head. Theo looks like you though according to mom, she said he has your hair and she's sure he'll have your eyes but we won't get to find out until his about six months old." Carl stopped then and looked at his dad, tilting his head to the side as a horrible thought washed through his head. "I'm not sure if the twins will make it passed the next month if you keep this up. Do you think mom will forgive you if you can't be there to protect them? What happens if you aren't there and she's in danger and she has to choose between herself and the twins? We both know she'll sacrifice herself if it means the twins get to live. I know she won't have to do that if you snap out of this. You know she's alive. You saw her. You saw her with your own eyes and you knew she was alive. You know it know as we speak but you just can't face it. Why? Are you afraid? It's okay to be afraid dad, I was afraid when she had to lay on that spot over there and have Theo in front of me. I was scared when I lifted that gun and pointed it Theo's head because I thought he was dead. It's okay to be afraid dad but you need to suck it up and let it go. Mom's waiting for you to snap out of it but how long do you think she'll wait for you to come back to her, back to us?" Carl took a deep breath after his words, feeling slightly better that he had let all his anger out but felt bad that it had been directed at his dad. He took the sheriff's hat from his head and ran his hand through his hair before dropping the hat back onto his growing dark hair. "I don't want it to be too late when you decide to come back to us. It might be too late and there may not be a family for you. Do you want that dad? I know you don't."

Carl walked away from his dad's side, taking a step back when his dad didn't even move once during his speech. This was what his mom must have felt like when she came here to speak with him. Sighing deeply one last time Carl looked to his dad before giving up and leaving the boiler room, closing the door behind him and glancing to the hunter. Daryl was leaning on the opposite wall and sent a small smile to Carla s the boy stepped away from the door, nodding his head and pushing off the wall.

"You did good little man," Daryl grunted to him placing a hand on Carl's shoulder and leading him down the hall back to where the others were waiting for their return. Maggie and Glenn had left moments after Daryl and Carl and the two ex-prisoners and the other members of the group waited for the return of the hunter and tiny Grimes.

* * *

Maggie and Glenn were packing a two small bags ready for their run when Daryl and Carl came back. It was just the two of them and I couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed at that. Carl looked happy-ish when he arrived back so I took that as something – something good.

"Hey baby," I called to Carl as he slumped on the bench opposite me and Beth. We were sat around the same table as breakfast but we had moved since Carl and Daryl left. We had given the twins a towel wash and changed them into some of the outfits Maggie and Daryl had brought back the day before. Both of the onesies were white with a little teddy bear picture on the chest – Theo's was one size bigger than his sisters. I didn't know if it was because he was bigger than your new born or if his sister was a tiny size, but Lil' Ass Kicker's onesie drowned her.

"You going now?" Daryl asked looking toward Glenn and Maggie as they shoulder their bags and walked over to Hershel. They looked over to Daryl giving him a nod before saying their goodbyes to everyone.

"Is there anything else you need?" Maggie asked her eyes settling on Theo in her sisters arms. I glanced around at the room before realising she was speaking to me. She was considerate but I wouldn't have her risking my life for stupid things – not that baby things were stupid but they weren't what I was talking about.

"No, we're fine here, just get going so you can be back before night falls." I told her bringing her into a half hug as I held Lil' Ass Kicker to my chest.

"Okay," she replied pressing a kiss to Beth's head before walking over to the gate where Carl waited his set of keys in his hands. "We'll be back before night," she added giving her dad a reassuring look before leaving with Glenn.

"They'll be fine," Beth said quietly sitting back down on the bench as Carl popped down in front of us again. I hadn't realised he had gotten up until I saw him by the gate. "You thought of any names for your sister yet Carl?" she asked him as if changing the subject would get her mind off of her sister and Glenn.

"I've been over a few," he told her rested his elbow on the table and then resting his face against the palm of his hand. "I've made a list,"

"Give us a few then," Hershel sighed sitting beside the boy as he looked to him, waiting patiently. Something flirted across Carl's face before he gave us a grim look and ran his hand over his face tiredly – that was actually like his dad.

"I was thinking maybe Jacqui, Sophia, Patricia, Andrea, Carol or even Charlotte." He admitted looking around the room at us all carefully as if taking in the way we would react to his words. All the names he had come up with were the names of people we had lost. Did he really want to name his sister after one of them? Would he want to be reminded?

"They're all nice names Carl but maybe you should give your sister a name she can have as her own," Hershel started looking down at the boy with a soft smile on his face. "Do you think she wants to be named after someone we cared about? Do you think she wants us to look at her and remember someone else, the person she was named after?"

"I wanted her name to be special." Carl told us giving a small grimace as he looked down to his little sister, taking her in carefully. "She deserves a special name. After Theo was born I was happy I got a little brother but then when Beth found mom and she knew that there was another baby coming I wondered if I would get another little brother. I was happy when you said it was a girl. I was glad I got to name her because I wanted to give her a name that would show that we had all this hope. She was able to come into the world along with Theo because our family provided that. We made sure they would get to lie as well even if it's a shit world but we did that because we cared. I wanted her to know she was special because of her name." he explained sighing in defeat as he looked up to me. "I can't even think of a good name for her,"

"I'm sure you'll come up with a great name for her Carl," I told him running my finger over his sister's cheek as I looked down at her. "Why don't you give her a hold before you go rushing off with Daryl and Oscar to clear the yards." I added passing the baby to Daryl as he stood over my shoulder and took her from me. For some reason it didn't bother me to let these people hold my children. I knew that if they were different people I wouldn't feel comfortable having them holding the twins but these people were my family and I knew that the twins would be safe with them.

* * *

It was quiet in the boiler room, Rick's breathing the only sound he could hear until a shrill cry rang out and his hand snatched up the phone, clutching it close to his ear.

"Hello," he grunted huskily as his voice strained against his throat. It had felt like days in which he had not spoken but it was only a day.

"Rick, you need to stop this," wait that couldn't have been who he thought it was. But it was. It was Jim speaking to him but Rick knew that it wasn't possible. They had left the man to die at the edge of the road because he couldn't go on any more.

"Jim?" Ricked asked sounding just as confused as he felt. His face was scrunched up and his brows were furrowed in thought as he waited for the man on the phone to answer.

"Yeah it's me Rick," Jim assured him and Rick was certain there was a smile in Jim's voice.

"What do you want?" Rick asked him unsure what the dead man could say to him.

"I want you to stop Rick. Think about your family. You need to clear your head and go back to them or you will lose them like I lost mine. I don't want that for you, and you don't want it either." Jim told him and there was a sadness to his voice that had Rick sighing in sorrow.

"I'll think about it," Rick told Jim before hanging up the phone and dropping his head in disappointment. Jim said Rick still had a family but could he believe that? Carl had been here to tell him the Fay was alive and that they had twins but he couldn't believe it as he had seen his wife. He had seen her as a ghost. When she came to see him she shone with such beauty he was afraid that she had been dead. It was the only conclusion he could come to after he saw the walkers dead in the halls and the bloated walker present in the boiler room.

* * *

"And it's safe out there now?" Beth asked her dad as he came back into the cell block after speaking with Kelly and Amy as the two came back in after talking to Daryl.

"Daryl, Oscar and Carl finished clearing out the yards and went into the other cell block T and Carol ran into. Daryl said it's safe for us to go out now but he wants me and Amy to stay on watch in the guard tower if you plan on going out there," Kelly answered as Hershel leant against the stairs as he looked to his daughter.

Beth was gently rocking Theo as she feed him his bottle. I swear she was so good with the twins it surprised me that she wasn't their mother. I'm not saying I'm not a good mother but she hadn't left my side since I had that little girl and she had this soft spot for Theo. She had taken it upon herself to help me with the twins because compared to her brother, Lil' Ass Kicker needed extra care and attention, she needed to be watched constantly and I knew Beth would do it but I needed to breastfeed her whereas he brother was on formula.

"I think we should go outside," Hershel said pushing from the stairs and steady himself on his crutches. "It will be good for all of us to get some air and I want those twins out in the open for a while. It will help boost their immune systems."

"I knew that Hershel," I told him smiling slightly when the man always forgot that I was a doctor. "I think its wonderful idea," I added holding the little girl in my arms, wrapping her in one of the ducky blankets Maggie had gotten the day before at the nursery. I would like to keep her warm out there, she was so small I didn't want her getting sick.

"Well let's go out then," Amy stated holding open the gate between the cell block and the communal area. "Carl and Oscar are waiting for us,"

"Where's Daryl?" I asked frowning slightly as Hershel hopped ahead of us and Beth walked by my side clutching Theo to her chest tightly. She got scared sometimes that she would drop him but I knew she wouldn't.

"He's gone to check the other cell block again," Kelly explained opening the sliding door that would lead us down a few hallways before it would take us out the another door that would open to the yard. "Didn't want to miss anything and wanted to make sure all gates are shut."

"Hey mom," Carl called out as we became blinded by the light for a few seconds as we stepped out into the yard. Carl was stood beside Oscar and I could see the two of them smiling about something. It was good that Carl seemed to trust the ex-con so much that he was relaxed enough to be smiling around him. I could sense that Oscar wasn't dangerous – it was just a feeling I got around people. For instance when I was around Shane after this world went to shit I always felt uncomfortable and on edge. The same with the men that attacked me and Maggie in the woods but Oscar and Axel weren't like that. They were different, they were like us. They were fighting to live just like everyone else in the world.

"Hey honey," I replied pressing a kiss to his head as he looked down at his sister in my arms before turning as a metal door slammed shut. "You thought of a name for her yet?" I asked smiling when he shook his head and shrugged as he turned back to his sister. It was only Amy closing the door securely behind her. He had been on edge since the attack just like everyone else. "Shall we just call her Lil' Ass Kicker then?" I teased giving him a smile to let him know I was joking. He smiled brightly as he nodded his head before looking over to the fences and then to Hershel.

"Shall we race now Hershel?" Carl asked the man remembering what he had said the day before when the walkers attacked the prison. Hershel and Beth chuckled at his words as Axel and Oscar sat down at one of the benches while Amy and Kelly climbed into one of the guard towers.

"Oh go on then," Hershel gave in using his crutches to hit Carl lightly to gain his attention before nodding to the first line of fences surrounding the yard, not too far from where we stood. "First one to the fence and back." He told the boy before hopping passed him, not giving him the chance to react as the older man started for the fence. "I'm not going easy on you!" Hershel called as Carl stood there with a slightly confused face before shaking his head and rushing after the man.


	27. Chapter 27

"Do you not think it is too silent," I mumbled to Beth as we stood close to the prison walls as I watched Carl and Hershel standing by the fence that would lead to the fielded yard below surrounded by two more fences. I could see Hershel pointing to a certain spot each time he spoke and knew he must have been talking about something interesting as he had Carl's full attention. I glanced away from them and up to the guard tower where Kelly stood on watch alone, Amy had taken Axel and Oscar back into the cell block, she had insisted that they help her move a few things around and clean up what was left of the walkers as they hadn't finished earlier.

"Not really," Beth replied smiling down at Theo in her arms as she glanced back to me. "It was always quiet on the farm, well until you lot turned up," she added giving me a smile as if to say she was joking.

"I miss the sound of cars, aeroplanes even men shouting at each other down the street. I miss the hustle and bustle of the hospital and I even miss the late phone calls in the night that would wake me up because Rick had to go in to work." I admitted looking down at the sweet little girl in my arms before looking to Beth a sad smile on my lips. "Those nights I would stay awake until he came back, even if it was the next morning. There were a few times when I'd phone Kelly and get her to take Carl into school because I didn't want to leave the bed until he was back and I knew he was safe. It seems stupid now but I always was afraid that one night he wouldn't come back to me."

"I always came back," a rough voice called from behind me and I froze as I recognised the voice before turning around to see the man I was just speaking about. He was actually there and not lurking in the dark dank boiler room like I would expect him to.

"Rick," I whispered holding the little girl in my arms tighter as I was scared I may drop her by accident. It was such a surprise to see Rick here, I knew he would eventually come out of the boiler room but I was thinking it would be a couple of days. I had seen him get like this after a few of his cases went bust after being taken to court or the few times a call went wrong and one of his men got hit on his watch. It would eat at him alive and it would take a few days till he got everything cleared again.

Rick didn't answer me as he stepped closer his eyes settling on the little girl in my arms before looking to Theo in Beth's hold before flicking his beautiful blue eyes up to lock with mine. He looked beautiful to me, his face full of dirt and sweat and speckled flecks of blood but I didn't care in that moment. I was so glad to see him, to see him out here in the sun and not wasting away in that dank boiler room going crazy over nothing.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled stopping in front of me tilting his head down as he gave me that gentle apologetic look with his eyes, the same look he gave me whenever we argued over him rushing out on late calls at god knows what time leaving me worried. "I'm so sorry," he cried and I could see the tears shining in his eyes as he looked down to the baby in my arms again and I smiled at him, knowing he wouldn't be able to see it.

"You want to hold her?" I asked him passing the baby to him before he could question me. I watched as his face lifted up and he no longer looked as if the whole world was resting on his shoulders. A small smile tugged at his lips as he looked down at our daughter and I could feel whatever burden was resting on his mind was already lifting.

"What'd you call her?" he asked running his finger over her cheek as she blinked up at him, woken from her nap. I watched as she looked up at her daddy with those similar blue eyes that could be mistaken for his or Carl's.

"Carl hasn't come up with a name yet," I told him just as Carl came up to our side a slight heat to his face as he had ran once he had realised his dad was out here with us. Rick turned to look at Carl then his smile growing large as he took in the bright blue eyes like his own.

"You got a name for her?" Rick turned to Carl clearly asking the boy the question this time and not me. Carl looked between me and his dad a similar smile on his face before shaking his head and looking to Theo and then up at Beth. "You better hurry with it then,"

"We named the boy Theodore-James but everyone calls him Theo, he looks just like his daddy," I told him as Beth came up beside us with little Theo in her arms. Rick glanced down at his son and chuckled lightly before looking to me with such love in his eyes.

"I guess we didn't have to worry about having a boy or girl huh," he said looking between the twins as he spoke. "I guess we lucked out and had both." He pressed his lips to my head then and I couldn't help the teary chuckle that slipped passed my lips as he pulled away and looked down to the little girl again. "She looks like you, just as beautiful as her mommy," his fingers brushed across the flurry of strawberry hair on her head before leaning down and gently pressed a kiss to her already forming strawberry curls. "She has your hair," he added running the same hand through my flaming hair.

"Theo looks just like you, his dark hair and those bright blue eyes," I told him running my hand over his rough beard and up into the loose curls of his hair. "He's a real looker," Carl groaned at our words and then turned away, walking down to where Hershel was making his way up to us. Rick turned to following Carl with his head a soft smile on his face which turned into a frown, his brows furrowing as he took a step back.

"Here take her," he mumbled handing our daughter back to me carefully before walking down to the gate that lead out into the field below secured by the two fences below. I could tell something was bothering him and stepped down to the gate following him until my eyes settled on the dark skinned woman Rick was standing opposite down on the other side of the two fences.

"Who is that?" Beth asked coming to my side as I watched as the walkers standing next to the woman turned to face her and she pulled out this sword like blade.

"I have no idea," I replied as Carl rushed down to the gates leading to the outside of the fences, Rick following him both of them pulling out their guns as they raced to the woman's rescue.

The woman was doing okay at first, attacking the walkers closest to her, fighting them off but then she fell to the floor with a cry of pain, her hand pressing the top of her leg as more walkers made their way towards her.

"Dad!" Carl called looking over to Rick as he pulled open the gate that allowed them to get to the woman before any of the walkers. Rick seemed to hesitate before rushing after Carl, his gun raised, popping off rounds. He shot a walker that was close to the woman, making the head explode before he had a chance to bite into the woman's skin.

"Stay there!" Rick called up to us as Beth and I stepped closer away from the protection the prison offered us.

"What's going on?" Hershel asked as he limped over to us his eyes settling on Carl, Rick and the dark skinned woman. I didn't turn to face him as I kept my eyes on Rick as a walker got too close to him but was thankful when a shot from above rang out and the walker dropped to the floor. I glanced away from Rick quickly to see that Kelly had come onto the balcony of the guard tower and was shooting at the walkers surrounding the three below.

"They're saving that woman," Beth told her dad walking next to him, her arms holding Theo to her protectively as she watched my son and husband fight against the walkers.

When Rick reached the woman he pulled her up quickly grabbed her sword and flung her arm around his shoulder as he dragged her back up to us. Kelly kept firing as she watched Rick come closer to us but paused when he stopped and looked back behind him. It was then I realised Carl was still out there, his gun in his hand, a large bag flung over his shoulder and a shopping basket in his other hand as he rushed up behind Rick.

Carl dropped the bad and basket to the floor as he pulled the gate shut and was just hooking the clips to the fence when the guard tower's door slammed open and Kelly rushed to help him, stabbing a few walkers in the head that got too close.

"Who's that?" she asked turning the face the woman draped across Rick's shoulders. We all glanced at each other before Rick looked to the woman hunched over him and then looked to Kelly.

"We're gonna figure that out but I need you to go back up in the tower. Keep an eye out for anyone else, I'll send Amy and Axel out with you okay," he told her receiving a nod and he watched as she rushed into the tower before looking back to us all and nodding his head towards C Block. "Get back to C Block." He ordered righting his grip on the woman as he started trekking back to the other gate before glancing back at us all. "I don't want any of you out here alone."

"Come on you three," Hershel grumbled turning back and following Rick up the path and through the gate. I gave Beth a look as I nodded my head and followed her dad and Rick back through the gate, stopping and waiting for Carl as he settled the bag and basket down again as he closed up the gate giving Kelly a wave to signal that he had locked the big gate but left the smaller one unlocked.

* * *

When we reached the communal area Rick ordered Carl to get a blanket and towel to rest on the floor as he wasn't letting her get any closer to the rest of the group without being question first. He didn't have to say it for me to know that those were his reasons. I had knew the man well enough to know that it was how he was thinking.

"Is she bit?" Hershel asked as we followed him into the communal area, dropping down onto one of the seats as he looked down at the woman Rick had just lowered onto the blanket. Rick shook his head at the older man as Beth handed him a bottle of water without having to be asked. She knew enough to know that if we wanted this woman awake to answer our questions she needed to be hydrated.

The woman wasn't completely passed out as she lay on the floor, her head moving side to side as if she was trying to shake something off – maybe she was hallucinating, people tended to do that when they were in pain. Daryl did when he fell down the ravine back at the farm. Rick poured the water over her and I knew that the cold, wet liquid would somewhat bring her back to her senses.

"It's alright," Rick grumbled as he looked down at the woman as she slowly opened her eyes, taking everything in around her. "It's alright, look at me, look at me." When he was sure he had her attention through her haze he leaned a little closer, tilting his head to the side. This was him acing as an officer, not Rick Grimes, dad and husband, although it was hard for him to forget that his was an officer. "What's your name?" he asked her as she blinked up at him. The woman's face filled with panic and I watched as her eyes settled on the sword Rick had dropped beside them and she lunged for it only to be stopped as Rick pushed her back slightly and kicked the sword away. "We're not gonna hurt you unless you try something stupid first, alright?" he said to her then and I could tell he was trying to keep his temper cool.

We didn't know this woman and she turns up outside our prison, injured but looking well off and fit enough to survive on her own. But that was the thing, was she really on her own? He couldn't trust that, not after what happened when we first turned up here or when we turned up at the CDC.

"Rick!" Daryl called from behind us and I turned to see that him walk through the gate between our cell blocks and the communal area a confused look plastered across his face. "Who the hell's this?" he asked and I felt like rolling my eyes at the over used question surrounding our mysterious woman. Everyone seemed to be asking that and she'd only been here around ten minutes. I turned away from Daryl and looked down at the woman as she settled her eyes on the hunter as he slowly came closer to us. I could see it in her eyes then. She knew she was out numbered, there was a lot of us here, a lot more that she had first thought.

"You wanna tell us your name?" Rick asked her looking down at the woman and I could tell he was hoping she would answer this time. She pulled herself up until she was resting on her elbows, looking between Rick and Daryl but she still didn't' answer. "You wanna tell us your name?" Rick repeated leaning closer to her as she stared at him with a blank look. She had one of those faces that wouldn't give away how she was currently feeling. I bet she was good at poker.

"You come on in 'ere," Daryl said when the woman didn't answer and Rick rose to his feet slowly his eyes on the woman before looking over to Daryl. I followed his gaze and looked back at the hunter who had already started to turn back to the cell block.

"Everything alright?" Rick asked and I caught the concern in his eyes. He was weary on what Daryl was going to present to him and I didn't blame him. It was only yesterday when we were attacked by walkers and I had gone into labour. It was only yesterday when he thought I had died. It seemed longer than only a day but I suppose time flew by fast or seemed to go by faster when you were always running for your life.

"You're gonna wanna see this," Daryl told him staying where he was and I knew it was because of the woman. Daryl wouldn't leave us all here alone with a threat.

"Go on," Rick said turning to us nodding his head towards Daryl as he looked to Hershel and Beth. Hershel pushed himself to his feet, placing the crutches in front of him as he watched Beth on the other side of the table, slowly making her way towards Daryl, Theo close to her chest. "Carl get the bags," he mumbled walking to my side, placing a kiss to the side of my head before nudging me towards the cell block with the others. I stopped just as I passed the gate, turning back to look as Carl made his way over and Rick held up the sword in his hand looking to the woman as she watched us leave. "I'll keep this safe and sound." He told her waving the sword slightly before nodding over to the door we had all entered earlier. "The doors are all locked, you'll be safe here. We can treat that," he added pointing to her leg. The woman looked away from him, sighing deeply before glancing back up to him slightly.

"I didn't ask for your help." She said speaking the first words since we saw her down by the fence.

"Doesn't matter," Rick replied turning away from her, making his way toward us a grim expression on his face. "Can't let you leave," he spoke loud enough for her to hear just as he passed Daryl, the hunter turning and locking the gate once he was sure everyone was safely away from the mysterious woman.

Daryl passed us all leading Rick and the rest of us over to the cell that belonged to Carol. What was he doing? Rick glanced into the cell his head tilting to the side in that usual manner before walking into the cell followed by Hershel. I could hear soft laughing coming from the cell and the smile on Daryl's face grew and I caught the smiles on Beth and Carl's faces as well. I stepped closer to the cell, bumping Beth's shoulder lightly as I took in the sight before me.

Rick had a defeated looking Carol in his arms and I caught the relief and happiness on her face as he held her to him. My eyes met Amy's over his shoulder to see that she was standing against the far wall, tears down her cheeks. So this was what Daryl was talking about when he said we were going to want to see this. He was talking about Carol. It felt like an elastic band was snapping inside of me when I felt the relief wash through me as my eyes settled in Carol. She looked a little worse for wear but other than that she looked fine and I was so thankful for it.

"How?" Hershel questioned as Carol pulled away from Rick and gave him a hug which he returned with gusto I hadn't seen in him for a while. Daryl looked over the hugging couple, his eyes finding Rick's as my husband looked away from Carol and Hershel.

"Poor thing fought her way into a cell." The hunter explained answering Hershel's question as he looked between the two still hugging. I could hear a note of pride behind his words and knew that he was just as thankful that the woman had survived as I was. "Must have passed out. Dehydrated." He added as Carol turned to face Beth, her eyes settling on the baby in her arms before looking back to Rick a large smile on her face, she had one hand cupped over her mouth as she cried out lightly before looking back down at Theo.

"Where's Fay?" she asked lightly and I realised then that she couldn't see my standing behind Hershel. Rick's head snapped towards me then and I could see the panic in his eyes as they settled on me before he sighed deeply nodding his head in my direction. Carol turned at his nod, her eyes settling on me before dropping onto the bundle in my arms, her eyes growing in astonishment. "Two?"

"Yeah two of them," I told her as Hershel shuffled out of the way as Carol walked passed him and over to me. "A boy and a girl," I added as Beth walked to my side and we held the twins close together and Carol looked down at them both.

"Oh god," she cried wiping the tears from her eyes as she looked between the two of them and then lifted her head up to me. "And you're alright?" she asked looking me over as I couldn't keep the smile from my lips.

"I'm doing fine," I told her ignoring the looks Rick, Hershel and Carl sent me, just rolling my eyes at the three of them as Carol stepped forward and Beth handed Theo over to her carefully.

"Theo wasn't breathing when Maggie delivered him," Carl told her stepping closer to the woman, looking down at his little brother with a soft smile. "He had the cord wrapped around his neck and he was blue. We were about to …" Carl trailed off at the end but I could tell everyone knew what he was getting at.

"Fay got separated from Maggie and Carl on the way back because of the second round of contractions but she made her way back to the communal area just before the little girl came," Hershel added finishing off as Carol rocked Theo in her arms before looking over to me.

"You haven't named her?" she asked looking down to the girl in my arms as she lowered her nose to Theo's dark hair. It was that baby smell all woman loved about babies. Even if you weren't a mother it still smelt wonderful and I could guarantee that any woman would get broody after smelling it.

"That's Carl's job," Rick told her coming out of the cell with Amy, a smile on his face as he came to my side as he teased our son. Rick carefully took her from my arms, resting her head against his shoulder, cupping her head with one hand while the other rested against her back.

"A big job for you," Carol muttered to Carl whose face was flushed again as we brought up the lack of his sister's name. "You thought of any names?" she asked him and I could see the look her gave to Beth quickly before looking to me.

"I had a few," he told her looking down at Theo before glancing back up at the woman a soft smile on his face. "I thought about naming her after someone we lost, maybe Jacqui, or Patricia, Andrea, _Sophia_." he said softly and I watched as Carol smiled softly at that before nodding her head. "I had my Nana's name, Charlotte. I even had Carol on the list but Hershel said that we would just be looking at her and thinking of that person. I don't want that for her. I want her name to be special, I want everyone to look at her and see that she's the hope we need to survive this world. We provided a safe place for her and Theo to be brought into the world, for mom to have them in a shit world like this and she needs a name that represents that. We stuck together as a family to make sure she and Theo could be brought into this world and I want to give her a strong name that shows how special she is to us but I can't think of a name that would show it." He grumbled out in frustration running his hand through his hair as his eyes settled on his sister in Rick's arms.

"You'll come up with the best name for her," Carol told him giving him a soft smile, resting one hand on his shoulder for a few seconds before looking down to Theo in her arms. "How did he get his name?" a smile crossed Carl's face then and he looked over to me and Rick as he chuckled at the memory.

"Mom and dad were arguing about boys names a few years back." Carl told her that smile still on his face as he looked down at his little brother. I heard Beth giggle at his words having already heard the story but Hershel, Daryl, Amy and Carol were listening with interest as Carl ran his finger over his little brother's cheek. "Dad like the name James but mom wanted to call him Theodore and they were arguing over breakfast one morning. I remember it so clearly as if it was yesterday." He paused then as Theo turned his head to his brother's voice and frowned up at his big brother. "Mom was wearing her white doctor's coat and dad was in his uniform, they were getting ready to take me to school but they were repeating the names they liked over and over. Mom was calling out Theodore and dad was calling out James, it was Theodore, James, Theodore, James but in my head it always came out like Theodore-James."

"So he said that," Rick interrupted laughing at Carl's words as he moved the little girl in his arms so she was cradled in his arms as he looked down at her. "Theodore-James came out of his mouth and we stopped arguing,"

"It wasn't an argument," I muttered crossing my arms as I rolled my eyes at Rick who glanced at me and sent a wink in return.

"But it got them to stop disagreeing," Carl said smiling over to us as he continued with the story. "They decided then that they preferred that name and in the end they both won."

"Technically I won," I stated smiling widely as I glanced up to Rick and then over to Theo. "His first name is technically Theodore and they all call him Theo, so I win."

"His name's Theodore-James," Rick grumbled stepping closer to me, wrapping one arm around my waist as he pulled me into his side, pressing his lips to my head. "It's double-barrelled which means we both win."

"If that makes you feel better," I told him pressing my lips to his cheek as I danced out of his grip and over to Theo, taking him gently from Carol's arms and holding him close to me, burying my nose in his hair. I felt as if I had been neglecting him compared to his sister. Beth had been his main caregiver over the last day considering his sister needed my attention more because she was smaller and weaker but now that Rick was here I actually had time to cuddle him like I wished without worrying about his sister. It wasn't like I didn't trust Beth with her but Hershel had made it clear that she needed me slightly more than Theo did.

"I think TJ's a good nickname as well," Carol stated running her fingers softly over the little boy's hair as she sent a wink in Rick's direction.

"Or Teddy," Beth added smiling at the thought of that new nickname. I chuckled at them both before glancing down at the baby in my arms.

"I think we might end up confusing him if we give him fifty different names," I told them not being able to keep the smile off my face as I looked over to Rick. As I glanced at him I swore I saw the woman standing by the gate but as I settled my eyes to where I saw her she wasn't there.

"Ya told your mom what we got?" Daryl asked Carl then and I looked over to him in confusion but saw that Carl looked rather excited as he ran into his cell before coming out with two wooden crates in his arms. He stopped in front of my placing them both on the floor and I noticed that they had blankets piled in them both.

"We made the twins some cots," Carl explained sending Daryl a look before lifting them slightly as my eyes rested on the writing on the side of the wooden crate. _Lil' Ass Kicker. My Bro, Theo._ I chuckled at the two weird nicknames before looking over to Daryl.

"I take it you had something to do with it as well?" I questioned nodding to the crate that had his term of endearment for my daughter on it. He shrugged but I could see the smile in his lips as Carl lifted them both up and took them into my cell placing them on the bed.

"We thought they would do until we could find a crib for them," Carl explained grabbing the top blanket down and I gently placed his little brother into the cot when I realised he was asleep. "Beth thought it was a good idea, she said it would let you sleep without having to worry about them too much."

"I think it's a great idea," I told him pressing a kiss to his head as I stood up just as Beth came into the cell with Carol.

"Your daughter has become a daddy's girl," Beth told me as she settled down on the bed next to Theo before sending Carol a smile as the older woman dropped down beside her. "I tried to take her from him and she pulled a scrunched up face."

"Beth let go of her so quickly so she wouldn't scream." Carol chuckled glancing out into the block then turning her head back to me. "Rick wants to go speak with her and I know Hershel wants to treat that wound."

"I'll go, I am after all the doctor here," I mumbled looking at Theo one last time but was sure that these two woman wouldn't let any harm come to him. My eyes settled on Rick as I left the cell and saw that Beth was speaking the truth. It seemed out daughter was in fact already becoming a daddy's girl. Rick was smiling down at her, taking under his breath while she held tightly onto his finger. "I told you she'd have you wrapped around her finger," I muttered to him as I came to his side and looked down at the little girl. I slipped my hands under her gently before pulling her to me watching as her face screwed up slightly before her nose buried itself into my chest.

"Huh, she almost screamed out when Beth tried to take her," Rick told me running his hand over her head as he looked to me.

"Don't worry she's still a daddy's girl but she'll love me more as long as she can smell the milk," I told him as I watched our daughter bring her head closer to my breasts.

"Loved more by food," he mumbled looking down at the ginger baby before shaking his head in false disbelief. "Harsh,"

"She still loves you," I said before looking over to the gate where Hershel was waiting, Daryl by his side. "We going to see her now?" I asked nodding my head over to the two before looking up to Rick.

"You're staying here," he replied sternly only for me to roll my eyes at him and give him the same stern look Hershel would give us.

"I'm the doctor here, I know what I'm doing and I know Hershel's done a good job but I have to do this Rick. I have to," I told him running my fingers over our little girl's back as I looked up to her dad.

"Fine but she stays here," he gave in nodding down to our daughter only for me to laugh lightly and shake my head at him.

"You think she'll stay here now that she knows she's in my arms?" I muttered to him walking passed him a smile still on my lips. "There's a lot you need to learn about your daughter Rick," I added just as Daryl opened the gate and walked through followed by Rick.


	28. Chapter 28

"We can tend to that wound for you," Rick called to the woman as we followed Hershel and Daryl into the communal area, keeping the woman in his sights as he spoke to her. "Give you a little food and water, and then send you on your way." He added and I knew he was stepping back into Officer Grimes' shoes and not this new man that the world created. To be honest it didn't bother me which man he was. I still saw him in this new man and it would only worry me if he went too far but hopefully that wouldn't happen if he had this family around him. "But first you're gonna have to tell us how you found us and why you were carrying formula." His words had my head snapping away from the woman and to Rick in an instant. I didn't know about any formula. She had formula with her? Why would she have formula with her?

"The supplies were dropped by a young Asian guy with a pretty girl." Woman finally said after staring at Rick for an extended amount of time. It was like she was sussing him out, trying to figure out what he was playing. Her words sent a shiver down my back. Glenn and Maggie. Where were they now?

"What happened?" Daryl asked his gruff voice sounding loud in the communal area as he held his crossbow in his hands tightly. It wasn't directly pointed at the woman but I knew it could be within seconds.

"Were they attacked?" Hershel questioned and I could hear the worry he held within his tone. Of course he was going to worry, this was his daughter. I could only image what I would be feeling if I was left worrying about my daughter or sons. I glanced down at the little girl in my arms to see that she had her eyes on me already, blinking up at me as if she had just woken.

"They were taken." She announced sitting up slightly so her back was straight. Her eyes flicked over to me before looking back to Rick as he stepped closer to her gaining her attention. He was in her space now and I knew how some people got when their space was invaded.

"Taken? By who?" he asked and I couldn't help but feel that this had turned into an interrogation instead of some friendly help. Not that I could blame him but I didn't want to hurt some injured woman that had struggled to get her, carrying formula when she didn't need to.

"By the same son of a bitch who shot me." She supplied him with and I could understand why she wouldn't tell him much more. Apparently Rick didn't like that as he crouched down in front of her, his shoulders tense.

"Hey, these are our people." He told her his voice quiet but I could hear the danger behind his tone. "You tell us what happened now!" at the last word Rick lashed forward his hand digging into the bullet wound on the woman's thigh, pressing down causing the woman to shoot up from the seat. It made me sick to see him hurting someone and even though I knew why he was doing it I didn't like it.

"Don't you ever touch me again!" the woman shouted pointed her finger in Rick's face while Daryl lifted his crossbow directing it at _her_ face.

"You'd better start talking. You're gonna have a much bigger problem than a gunshot wound." Daryl spat at her, stepping from foot to foot causing the woman to turn and look at him.

"Find 'em yourself." The woman seethed and I could see the disgust and anger on her face. This wasn't helping. Did they really think this would help us get Glenn and Maggie back?

"Stop it!" I snapped at them all stepping closer to the woman, standing between her and Rick. I could see the annoyance in Rick's eyes but I knew it was helping already. I had just put his child in the line of Daryl's arrow. Not that I would let her get hurt – Daryl wouldn't harm her or me. But at least it was stopping them from making things worse.

"Hey, shh, shh, shh. Put it down." Rick muttered softly to Daryl pushing his crossbow down to the floor as he stepped around me and blocked the woman from Daryl's view. "You came here for a reason." He said to her once he was sure he had her attention again. I was thankful to hear that he had control of his emotions again and was sounding like the sensible officer I knew he was and not some maniac that hurt injured people that seemed to be helping.

I glanced between Rick and the woman watching as she dropped her head slightly, sighing deeply before looking up again as if she was tired and defeated.

"There's a town. Woodbury." She told us and I watched Rick's face carefully noting the way he clenched his jaw at the news. "About 75 survivors. I think they were taken there."

"A whole town?" Rick asked and I knew what he was thinking about. This town could be close, and if they were close what would stop them from taking the prison from us and ripping our family apart?

"It's run by this guy who calls himself the Governor" Rick turned his head away from her when she said this and my eyes dropped to his hand as I saw him rest it lightly on his gun. It was a habit he had and I was sure it wouldn't be leaving him anytime soon. "Pretty boy, charming, Jim Jones type." I couldn't help the snort at this and felt my face heat as her eyes landed on me.

"He got muscle?" Daryl asked rolling his eyes at me when I looked at him before glancing to the woman wanting to know the answer.

"Paramilitary wannabes. They have armed sentries on every wall." She told him and I could hear the scoff in her voice. It seemed she wasn't very impressed with these people at Woodbury.

"You know a way in?" I could already tell Rick was formulating a plan and I knew I was going to disagree with it. He was going to go. I knew why we was going to go. Maggie and Glenn would need rescuing but he was going to go in without a clear head. I knew how Rick got when his own was threatened and they were more than threatened in this case.

"The place is secure from walkers, but we could slip our way through." I realised then that she was good at keeping emotions from showing on her face. She must have been through something tough or she just really hated the world. I didn't miss her use of 'we' either and Rick sure didn't. He scoffed at her words, turning to look at Daryl quickly before looking back at the woman.

"How'd you know how to get here?" he asked tilting his head to the side as he looked at her and I could see the mistrust and worry on his face.

"They mentioned a prison, said which direction it was in, said that it was a straight shot." She explained and I knew that the simplest of people would have been able to follow directions like that.

"This is Hershel, the father of the girl who was taken." He glanced down at her leg before shooting me a look. "He'll take care of that,"

"I'll do it," I intervened before Hershel could make his way over to the woman. Rick narrowed his eyes at me and I could see the slight anger dwelling inside.

"No, you won't." he replied tense the only way I could describe his tone. I rolled my eyes at him, stepping forward to place our daughter in his arms knowing he would be ready to accept her. It was his instinct now to welcome her without question.

"I'm the real doctor here, I'll sort her out." I told him running my fingers over the baby's hair lightly before pressing a kiss to her head and looking up at him. "She should go to sleep, just rock her gentle or get Carl to hold her. She likes her big brother."

"Fay," Rick warned only to pause when Hershel placed his hand on his shoulder shaking his head at him.

"I'll stay with her Rick," he told my husband giving him a reassuring look before shooting me a mocking glare. "After all she is the _real_ doctor here." I smiled at him lightly, happy to know that the man was still able to take things lightly.

"See Rick, Grandpa Hershel's got it covered," I teased noticing the large smile wash over Hershel's face at my words.

"Fine," my husband agreed but you could tell it was done begrudgingly and totally against his will. I gave him one small smile and picked up the doctors bag that held the last of our medical supplies before walking slowly towards the woman.

I waited until the gate closed gentle behind Daryl and Rick before settling down in front of the woman and gave her a soft smile as I nodded to the chair she had been perching on previously. As she sat I checked over her wound before biting my bottom lip and sighed up at her.

"I'm gonna have to stitch it and we don't have anything to stop the pain." I told her pulling out a needle and thread just as Hershel sat down opposite her at another table. The sound of the gate open had me looking behind us to see Carl stepping over to use, the gate shutting behind him.

"Mom," he greeted and I sent him a smile before turning back to the woman. I could see her frowning down at me but had a feeling she wouldn't answer.

"Hey baby," I called out him in greeting before tying a knot in the string and glancing up at the woman again. "This might hurt," I muttered before piercing the skin lightly and threading the thread through.

* * *

"Are you sure about this?" I asked him again holding our daughter close to me as Amy rocked Theo gentle at my side before handing the baby to Carol.

"They would do it for us," he muttered watching Carol hold Theo before looking down to the girl in my arms. "I recon Carl should name her now. She's gone too long without a name."

"He's thinking of one Rick," I sighed deeply as I looked over to Carl as he spoke with Daryl before the both left the car heading our way. Rick handed of the crate he had in his hands to Oscar giving me a small look before stopping Carl.

"Carl," Rick led him away from the others, looking back at me as a sign to follow. I knew whatever Rick said here would make a difference to Carl. Lately I had the feeling that father and son were distancing themselves from each other. Well more like Rick was trying to keep Carl away so he wouldn't see what he's becoming in this world. "What you did for mom-"

"You weren't there dad." Carl cut across him looking over to me as he spoke and I could see the tears shining in his eyes. There had been a moment when Carl thought he had lost both of his parents. And now I knew he was rather pissed off with Rick's actions. "You left us, you left me holding Theo and you weren't there for mom when she needed you." If I could hear the anger in his voice I was sure Rick could too.

"I know, and I'm sorry." Rick told him looking down at him before flicking his eyes over to me. "You shouldn't have had to do that. The responsibility of your brother, or mom. That should have been me."

"How long will you be gone?" Carl asked after sighing at his dad's words. He had asked a question I didn't really want the answer to. Rick just shook his head at the question sending a regretful look my way once again.

"Look, if something happens while we're gone—"

"We'll be all right." Carl cut him off again and I was thankful for it. I didn't want to listen to Rick talking about his possible death and it seemed Carl didn't either.

"If anything happens," Rick started again ignoring the protest Carl started and rested his hand on the boys shoulder. "You get everyone, you get everyone locked in the cells, keep them all safe."

"I will." Carl promised causing me to blink away the tears that wanted to fall. I shouldn't have been here for this conversation but I knew Rick wanted me here. He had asked me to follow after all.

"I know. I know you will." Rick was leaning down so his face was the same height as Carl's and I could tell that this was difficult for him. "Take care of your mom and Theo and your sister, all right?" he finally said to him, cupping his neck, his thumb running across his cheek as he looked him in the eye. Carl nodded at Rick's words and Rick pulled away from him, turning back to the others. He only took a few steps before Carl spoke out.

"Daryl's been calling her Ass-Kicker." Carl announced stopping Rick in his walk. Rick turned back to look at him his eyes flashing to me as a smile washed over his face.

"Ass-Kicker?" he stopped and I saw his smile grow as he nodded his head slightly. "Has he, now?"

"I've been thinking, what should we really call her?" Carl looked over to me, rolling his eyes slightly as he turned back to face his dad. "Mom's been pestering me for a name as well."

"What do you think?" Rick asked and I stepped closer to him, the little girl in my arms yawning as she turned her head towards her dad's voice.

"Mom and Hershel said her name should be special, not after someone we knew." Carl started looking to his sister in my arms before nodding his head slightly. "I was thinking about Hope, because that's what she brings us but I knew it should be something more meaningful than that." I couldn't help but think he sounded much older than he was as he was speaking. Where was the twelve year old boy that was so scared and fearful when this all happened? He was no longer that boy. I hated to admit it but he was turning into a man, even at the age of twelve, nearly thirteen. "Remember my third grade teacher, Mrs. Mueller?" he asked looking to both me and Rick.

"Of course." Rick muttered nodding at his words and I couldn't keep the smile from me face because I knew that Rick didn't really remember the teacher our son was talking about. She was a lovely lady and was one of the first to speak to me after Rick was shot.

"Her first name was Judith. Do you think that's a good name?" Carl was going somewhere with this. I could tell from all the questions he was asking and the way he was waiting for us to agree with him.

"I think that's- that's a fine name." Rick told him smiling slightly as he looking confused at the boy's words.

"After you were shot she came to speak with me. She told me everything was going to be fine because she knew how much you were fighting to stay with us. She said that if anyone was going to make it through it would be you. She let me believe that you were strong enough to survive for me and mom. She was right. She will always be right." He explained looking to me and I could see the tears in his eyes again. "She was pregnant when the walkers started appearing. She never got the chance to see her baby but I know she'd be a good mom."

"She would be," I agreed lifting one hand away from the baby in my arms to run across his cheek lightly as I glanced to Rick.

"I know we said not to name her after anyone but I know that this is right. This is her name, I feel it in here," he told me resting his hand over his heart as he glanced down at his sister.

"Judith it is." Rick declared resting his hand on Carl's back as he took my hand in his before leading us back over to the car where Oscar was waiting and the others had gathered round.

Beth and Hershel were waiting by the car, waiting for Rick and I hovered back a little to give them some privacy. Carl shifted from under Rick's arm and run over to Carol gently taking his brother from her arms and making his way over to us. Carol was hovering behind him and I knew she was worried he might drop Theo but I knew he wouldn't. Carl stopped at my side just as Hershel spoke to Rick.

"Bring them back," it was a demand even if it sounded to light to be one but I knew Hershel was ordering Rick to bring his daughter and Glenn back. Rick nodded at him before turning and looking over to us.

I caught the look in his eyes as he got a glimpse at the four of us and I knew he was thinking about what he was leaving behind. He gave us a small smile as he stepped forward, taking Theo from Carl's arms and bring the little boy close to his chest as he held him tightly. A small kiss was pressed to Theo's head before Rick pulled Carl into their embrace treating him to the same treatment with a kiss to the head. Theo was gently handed back to his big brother as Rick eased the newly named Judith from my arms. It finally felt good to be able to call her by her name. He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead before looking at me and giving me a sad smile. It told me everything. He was saying sorry, I love you, I'm happy, I love our family and I'm sorry. He thought something was going to happen. Before he came to me he turned around and passed Judith to Beth and then wrapped me in his arms.

"I love you," he whispered pressing his lips to mine, running his hands over my cheeks and into my hair as he pulled me close. I kissed him back before pulling away, blinking back the tears. I was going to be strong. I wouldn't break. I would hold it all in. If I broke than I was agreeing with him that something was going to go wrong.

"I love you as well," I mumbled pressing my lips to his lips one last time before pulling out of his embrace so he could join the others in the car. As he gripped the door in his hand I sent him a smile of reassurance, nodding my head softly. "Be safe," I whispered only knowing he heard when he nodded his head as he climbed into the car.

It hurt a lot to see the car driving away with people I cared about shut inside not knowing if they were going to come back.

"He'll come back," Carl assured me like he always did when we had to watch his dad leave us. "He always does."

* * *

It was as if Judith could sense that her dad wasn't hanging around anymore as she seemed to get into a groggy state.

"What's wrong with her?" Beth asked sitting down beside me on the double bed in mine and Rick's cell. I could see Carl rocking a sleeping Theo just outside the cell as he spoke to Carol and Amy as they sat on the steps. Kelly and Axel were currently in the guard tower. Although Rick said he didn't want any of us out in the yard they were only going to keep watch for around an hour to make sure the coast was clear before we locked up for the night.

"She misses her daddy," I told the blonde shifting Judith in my arms so her nose was pressed against my breast. I knew that it would bring her some comfort knowing she was with her mom. "Come on Judith, stop your crying.

"Judith?" Beth questioned sitting up straighter on the bed as she glanced down at the girl in my arms. "You named her?"

" _Carl_ finally named her," I said putting emphasis on Carl's name so Beth would know he actually got to fulfil the promise.

"Judith Grimes," Beth muttered under her breath before smiling brightly in that way she does. "I like it, it suits her."

"Judith Elizabeth Grimes," I inputted as Carl came to lean against the cell gate, Theo now asleep in his arms. "Carl gave her the first name but I thought it would be nice to name her after her Godmother." Beth furrowed her brows in confusion as she looked between me and Carl. "I know you're not Elizabeth or anything, just plain old Beth but we all did agree not to name her after anyone so I thought this might be a way to honour you,"

"You named her after me?" Beth asked the sound of her voice rising slightly as a larger smile spread across her face.

"Well you are her godmother," I told her resting the hand that wasn't holding Judith against hers.

"Godmother? Really?" she looked excited at the thought of it and all I could do was nod my head.

"It would be more like aunt really because your dad's obviously going to be their grandpa," I called out making sure the man could hear me from his cell next door. I heard his chuckle and then the sound of his crutches hitting the floor as he appeared next to Carl.

"I thought I heard you say something like that earlier," he mumbled leaning against the metal to take the pressure off his leg.

"Well you would no doubt treat them like grandchildren right?" I asked him receiving a nod in reply. I leant forward then so I could look out to Carol and Amy as they sat smiling on the stairs. "I haven't forgotten you two. Of course Carol would be there concerned and overbearing aunt, I'm not gonna call you gran in case you get offended." Carol laughed deeply at my words and I would never have believed we only found her again today. "And then there's Auntie Amy. She'll teach them things behind my back and have Rick questioning her like in the old cop movies."

"And their wonderful Auntie Kelly," Kelly called as her and Axel joined us in the cell block winking as she leant against the stairs nudging Amy's shoulder lightly.

"Of course, we would never forget Aunt Kelly," Carl grumbled as he shot her a teasing grin.

"And we must not forget that when Maggie and Glenn get back they'll be named godparents of Theo. I own Maggie everything for helping me bring him into the world. And I know Glenn would do anything for that boy. Did you not see him fussing over him?"

"What about Judith's godfather?" Beth asked running her finger over Judith's cheek as she looked up at me.

"Don't worry Beth," Carl told her kneeling down on the floor were the two makeshift cots were placed and set Theo into his one before looking back up at the girl. "Judy's got good old Daryl Dixon as her godfather,"

"Can't deny that man after he dubbed her Lil' Ass Kicker," I added happy when it bought out laughter between the group. This is what I wanted. A happy family that stuck together in tough times. Even though we were missing people right now we were still tough and managed to pull through.

"I can't wait to see his face when you tell him," Kelly mumbled as she wiped a tear form her eye before breaking out into laughter again as Amy let out a snort.


	29. Chapter 29

"You look fantastic," Amy said randomly as I left my cell stretching slightly happy that the twins had both settled down into a sleep. Carl the ever great big brother had also fallen asleep on the double bed as he watched the two of them.

"What?" I asked her confused at her words. She was perched on the stairs in the middle of conversation with Axel and now I could feel both of their eyes on me as well as the others.

"You would never guess you just had twins," she explained nodding towards me as I ran my hand down my stomach settling on the slightly bloated stomach I had from the pregnancy.

"I'm jealous," Carol announced from where she sat with Hershel on two of the chairs we had bought into the cell block. It was one of the useful things of having an office close to our cell block and the visiting area not far off either. We took the plastic chairs from the visiting area and put them in our cell block so we could all be close during the evening. Although we had the communal area it felt safer (for me at least) to be close to the cells. "After Sophia I had a baby belly for weeks, more like months."

"I think my bump was mainly the twins," I mumbled running my hand over my now bloated belly slightly happy that it didn't look like I was still heavily pregnant. There was still swelling to my stomach but it didn't look too pudgy. It made everything easier in a way. If I needed to run or slip through a small gap I wouldn't be held back by my belly.

"With the way we were living, on the run all the time I think I'll agree," Hershel injected resting his only leg out in front of him.

"I think it's a good thing," I told them shaking my head with a small smile as Kelly shot me a look with raised eyebrows. "Not because I'm _skinny_ but because I won't have others out there thinking we have more food here than we do. I know we have a lot but it might encourage people to take it from us. If I had more of a baby belly and they didn't see the twins they might think differently." I explained dropping down in one of the spare seats and taking the bowl of soup Beth offered me.

"She's got a point," Carol sighed and I knew we were all thinking about the same thing. There were people out there that would take this place from us. An example of that were these people at Woodbury, the people that took Glenn and Maggie.

* * *

Judith's shriek drew me from my sleep with a startle as I scoped her from the crate as it rested on the floor. I felt somewhat inhumane placing the two of them in these crates and leaving them on the floor but I knew that they weren't uncomfortable. Carl and Daryl had made sure of that with the pillows at the base and blankets to secure them.

"Hey there Judy," I whispered to the baby peeking out into the cell block hoping no one was startled awake like I was. I could see Carl leaning against the gate that led into the communal area and sighed knowing he wouldn't sleep while everyone else was. He felt it was his duty to watch over us all and protect us.

He was already talking about going out for a run in a couple of days for more baby supplies because he doubted the others would return. He was taking on too much and I know he would argue with me if I said anything about it to him.

Theo's cry of hunger invades my mind and I sigh as I peer down at the boy as his sister latches on for her feed. I want to pick him up but I can't. Judith would fuss and her scream was so much louder than her brothers. I had yet to master holding both of them at the same time. I glanced at the bottle resting next to him on the floor knowing Amy had made up a few of them before we all settled down for the night.

"I got him," Beth's voice made me jump slightly as she stepped into the cell, lifting the hungry boy into her arms as she settled down on the bed beside me. I smiled at her softly as she pressed the bottle to his lips and he sucked down the formula like a greedy pig.

"I'm sorry Bethy," I sighed softly to her knowing she was lacking in sleep just as much as I was. She didn't need to be experiencing the early days of motherhood when she hadn't even had a child.

"It's okay, he'll just wake everyone else up."

"Already done that," Hershel mumbled as he hopped out of his cell and over to one of the seat and dropped down into it with a deep sigh.

"Sorry Hershel," I called to the older man giving him a tired smile as he peered into us with a small smile.

"Give him here Bethy, let me feed the boy," he said to his daughter waving her over as he rested his crutches against the wall.

"I am sorry about them waking you up Hershel," I mumbled to the man as Judith rolled her head to the side as sleep took her away again. I rocked her gently in my arms before placing her back in the crate, tucking the blanket against her to keep the chill from getting to her.

"None of us are doing much sleeping Fay," Carol announced as she sat down next to the white haired man as Beth settled on the stair, Carl sitting a few steps below her.

"Is it the twins?" I asked running my hand over my face, feeling the heat rush to my cheeks. I always knew that the first couple of nights with a new-born were bad but I didn't want the others to be effected.

"No their cries are comforting," she yawned rested her head against the wall as she tapped her foot against the floor. "I can't keep my mind off the others and I know the others can't either,"

"Why do you think we're all up?" Amy asked leaning over the balcony, swinging one of her legs through a gap over the edge.

"Because my kids are hungry buggers and like to keep everyone awake?" I suggested receiving a small smile from the blonde as she rolled her eyes.

"How are we with formula?" Carl asked nodding his head towards the bottle Theo had just finished as Hershel set it down on the floor. He was doing it again, thinking like Rick and the others weren't going to return.

"We have enough to last us another month." Hershel answered him but I knew he did it reluctantly. It seemed he agreed with me on the little Carl issue.

"I'll go out with Amy and Kelly at the end of the week. Maybe head out to one of those storage lockers we stayed in if we have time. Might find some baby stuff locked up in there." he planned and I bit my bottom lip at his words. Carol glanced over to me giving me that sorrow filled look shared between moms when it became hard to deal with their children.

"Your dad and the others will be back by then." Beth injected resting her hand on Carl's shoulder lightly as he looked up at her as if he didn't believe it. Where had his hope gone? He was so sure earlier when the others left that Rick would be coming back.

"We don't know that." He told her turning his head to look over at Hershel, his eyes dropping to Theo as he slept in the man's arms before looking to me. "Right now mom, Theo and Judith are the only family I got. I need to think about them."

"Carl, honey it's not up to you to look out for us. I'm their mom, I should be going out there for them." I told him stepping forward so I could cup his cheek with my hand.

"You need to stay here, they need you. I'll take Amy out with me." He insisted shaking his head as I slipped my hand away from him. I was going to reply to him when a piercing scream echoed around the prison until it reached us in the cell block.

"What was that?" Beth asked gripping the gun she had rested on the stairs in her hands. Carl looked straight to Hershel as if the older man would have the answers.

"That was from inside," he told us looking out at the communal area as if it would fill up with walkers or humans.

"Was that Kelly?" Carl asked the panic in his voice becoming apparent as he glanced round at us all noticing that the brown-haired woman he had come to know as his aunt was missing.

"She's out keeping watch with Axel in the guard tower," Hershel explained sitting up straighter in his chair. Carl started fiddling with his gun and Theo grunted in his sleep as if he had heard the scream as well. I had the boy in my arms before I could think about it, cradling him to my chest as I watched the others discussing the scream. I had not fight within me to get involved.

"What if they came back in for something?"

"What if they're in trouble?"

"Let's check the tower, see if she's there."

"How could anyone else get in?"

"The tombs are filled with walkers that wandered in from outside. Someone else could have done the same thing."

"I'm going," that was Carl his voice full of determination as he stood from the stairs, gun held firmly in his hands. Beth was also climbing to her feet but my eyes were focused on Hershel as he stood, placing on of his crutches in front of Carl.

"I can't let you go down there," he said to the boy sternly and I agreed with him fully. I wouldn't let Carl go down there even if our lives depended on it and in this moment they could. Carol had risen from her chair, her hand resting on my back as Carl faced off with Hershel. Amy was making her way down the stairs, watching the two of them carefully as well.

"My father would go," Carl replied with such confidence I knew I had lost him. It seemed Hershel knew he had lost him as well as he nodded his head, lowering the crutch as Beth gave him a look of disbelief.

"I got it," Amy uttered rushing out after the boy, brushing her hand against my shoulder as she passed.

"We shouldn't have let them go," I whispered as the other gate in the communal area slammed closed.

* * *

"We have a problem," Amy stuttered as she appeared through the gate linking the communal area and cell block, her neck bleeding. The gate slammed shut after her, Carl locking it behind him as he turned to face us.

* * *

"Mommy loves you," I cooed down at the little boy in my arms as I changed him into a blue onesie Maggie got from the abandoned nursery, running my finger over his stomach as he squinted up at me. "Yes she does," I couldn't wait until he got a little older and started giggling. I loved it when babies giggled, it was a real treasure.

"You going to meet the others?" Amy asked shifting from foot to foot as she lingered by the stairs, looking in at me as I wrapped Theo in a blanket and cuddled him in my arms.

"I suppose so," I mumbled getting up from my knees and walking over with her to the gate where Carl stood guard on the other side.

"How are you feeling?" an unfamiliar voice asked as we stepped into the communal area and I saw a black woman talking to Beth and I knew she must have assumed that Beth was Judy's mom.

"She's not mine." Beth muttered as she fiddled with one of the bottles near the station we had set up for the occasions we needed to make Theo's formula.

"Where's the mother?" the woman asked and Beth glanced behind her sharing an uncertain look with Hershel not noticing me and Amy stepping into the area.

"I'm sorry." The woman muttered and then I knew she thought I was dead.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," I announced drawing attention to myself as I stepped over to Beth, glancing down at Judy in her arms before handing Theo to Amy so I could take my daughter. She was due her feed around about now, just like her brother. They were in time with their feeding spells, it was like they planned it. "Let me take her,"

"Twins?" a big black guy asked looking between Judy in my arms and Theo now in Beth's arms.

"You're feeling well?" the woman asked stepping closer to me but it seemed Carl wasn't comfortable with that as I heard him step away from the gate.

"Mom," it was a warning and I knew I should listen to him. He was practically the man of the 'house' while Rick gone.

"I'm fine," I told her giving Beth a look as she picked up Theo's bottle and followed Amy back over to Carl. "We're all fine,"

"Man, you people have been through the mill." The black man muttered as I passed him, his eyes lingering on the twins as he turned to face Hershel.

"Haven't we all?" Hershel asked him and I tuned out the rest of the conversation then as Carl shut the gate behind us. I glanced back at him one last time before following Beth into my cell block so I could feed Judith.

* * *

"What do you think Rick will do when he returns?" Amy asked as she sat on the floor, leaning against the wall as she looked up at me.

"You know how he gets with strangers. You saw how he was with the inmates. I don't think it'll be good but I'll talk him into it. We need Tyreese and the others. We need the manpower," I told her now knowing the names of the four members that came along last night.

"I hope he lets them stay," Beth sighed running her hand along Theo's back as he rested against her chest fast asleep. Judith was in a similar position, resting against my chest, sleeping like a rock as her brother was. "We do need them,"

"I know we do," I muttered running my fingers over Judith's soft strawberry hair as I thought about Rick. I could already tell something was different about him. It had only been the last couple of days, after he thought I died. It was like he wasn't really here and I worried. I knew what people got like when they were grieving. And if I was to look at Rick and diagnose him I wouldn't go easy because I knew it would hurt my feelings.

It was like he was in his own little world and I was pretty sure that he was in some type of hallucination where he was seeing things that were all part of his imagination. He thought he was seeing me as a ghost when I went to go see him and Hershel told me about talking to him before Carl did. He said he was talking to someone on the phone. That didn't leave much confidence in his right of mind.

I sighed deeply, pressing a kiss against Judith's ginger hair before setting her down in her crate and looking to Beth as she copied my movements with Theo.

"Whatever happens we need to be ready," I told them standing, stretching as a twinge ran down my back. "Beth you should go outside, wait for Rick and the others to arrive with your dad. I'm gonna have a nap while I can,"

Beth nodded at my words while Amy stood from the floor but took Beth's seat on the bed watching me as I lay back on the bed before lying down beside me, taking my hand in her own and giving it a squeeze.


	30. Chapter 30

"We need toothpaste," Amy muttered glancing down to the sheet of paper I had in my hand. We were going through the inventory of what we had at the prison and what we needed to get on the next run. It seemed useful and at the end of the day if it was going to help on the next run I wanted to make things a little easier. I had four sheets so far with different list on each. One held the important stuff we needed like pronto while the other held a list of things we needed as well just as badly, another just held a list of stuff that would make this prison would feel like a home and the other was a list of health and safety things we needed.

_Important – Top of the list –_

_*Formula_

_*Food_

_*Water (supplies or other drinkable items)_

_*Medical supplies_

_*Ammunition or weapons_

_(Not necessarily in that order)_

_Things we need – not top of the list –_

_*Shower gel_

_*Female products_

_*Clothing (all sizes)_

_*Baby products_

_*Rope or string (need to make a washing line)_

_Not important – might make this place a home –_

_*Camp beds_

_*Sleeping bags_

_*Windbreaks (good to set up outside to give us more privacy)_

_*Charcoal_

_*Pots/pans_

_*Tableware_

_*Matches/lighter_

_*Mallet_

_*Water container_

_Health and Safety – things we will need eventually –_

_*First aid kits_

_*Sun cream (twins will need it when summer comes)_

_*Anti-bacterial handwash_

_*Insect repellent_

_*Extra batteries_

_*Pocket knife_

_*Toilet roll (need this!)_

"I'll add it to the list," I mumbled to her adding it on the page with things we needed but weren't that important.

"What list?" Amy joked nodding to the four list I was surrounded by and then raised her eyebrow at me when I looked at her. "Why are you going crazy over this?"

"I have nothing to do when those two are sleeping. I'm not tired and I can't keep my mind off of Rick and the others," I admitted flipping the pen in fingers as I glanced down at the lists. "You know the guards office on top of the communal area?"

"Yeah, of course that's where they found the keys," Amy mentioned reminding me of the first day hey group came into the prison, clearing it out. I couldn't believe that was over a weeks ago now.

"I'm thinking about turning it into a sort of medical centre, take out of the crap and set up a little clinic there." I told her tapping the pen against my lip before biting the bottom one between my teeth. "I think it'll be a lot closer than going to the infirmary all the time and we can take most things from the infirmary and put them in the office. It's big enough and the stuff that doesn't fit can go in the little walk in room beside it. I think they used that for emergency riot gear."

"I think it's a great idea, I'm sure Hershel would agree." Amy said standing from the bed as the echo of the gate opening reached our ears. We were the only ones left in the cell block with the twins as everyone else was waiting outside. "Maggie," my head snapped up at the whisper and from the look on Amy's face before she ran away from my cell I could tell Maggi must have been back.

I scrambled off of the bed, making sure to be careful of the two crates on the floor as I rushed out of the cell, taking in the brunette standing next to Beth and currently being hugged by Amy. Just from looking at her I could tell there was something wrong. Of course I didn't doubt that something would be wrong considering she had been kidnapped and taken to a guy that sounded bad news.

"Maggie," I breathed out when Amy pulled away and rushed towards the girl that had become a sister to me. Her hands were shaking as they wrapped around me but I ignored it and held her tightly to me feeling her shake as he silent sobs racked through her. "I'm so happy your back," I whispered, running my hand through her hair not knowing what to say and not wanting to say the wrong thing. It was the same when I found Kelly beaten and broken in her home a few years back.

Judith's cry broke the moment and I pulled away from Maggie, giving her a sad smile before excusing myself to settle the girl down. It was amazing how I could tell the difference between the two when they really sounded the same. Judith was red in the face, screaming and as I glanced down at the both of them I could see that Theo was still asleep as his sister made a racket.

"Hey there pretty girl," I cooed scooping her from the crate and holding her close to me chest. It seemed all she wanted was a cuddle from her mom as she stopped crying as soon as I picked her up. "That's a good girl," I whispered rocking her gently in my arms and stepping out of the cell and pacing around in the cell block.

"Fay," the familiar voice of my husband muttered as he stepped into the room, Carl behind him as he made his way over to me. I smiled at him, thankful that he was alright.

"Hey," I whispered to him pressing my lips to his as he bent down to take Judith from my arms. One of his hands wrapped around my waist while the other held Judith to his chest. His eyes rested on Carl for a few minutes before he gave the boy a nod and led me back to our cell where Theo was still sleeping in his crate. "I noticed Daryl wasn't with you," I mumbled as we sat down on the bed. Rick was sat with his back resting against the wall, Judith resting against his chest, one hand resting on her back to keep her settled there. His other hand was held within my own, as I played with the fingers on his right hand. I pushed closer to his side until my head was resting on his shoulder.

"We found Merle," Rick grumbled, running his thumb over my hand as he rested his head against the top of mine. "Merle tortured Glenn, he tried to kill Michonne, and I didn't want to bring him back here. Daryl left with him."

"Have you told Kelly?" I asked not knowing how my best friend would react to the news. She and Daryl seemed to be serious about each other. I don't know what she would do with this news now.

"She was there to open the gate. She said she understood. Said she would have done the same thing if it was you and her but I could see the hurt in her eyes. I don't know if she'll forgive him if he comes back." Rick mumbled and I finally heard how tired he sounded. I bet he hadn't slept a wink since leaving yesterday afternoon.

"I'll speak to her later," I sighed shifting against his side and then looking down at Theo as the boy let out a small whimper. I pulled away from Rick, bending down to lift Theo from the crate, picking the bottle up as I did so. I knew he'd be hungry, Judith had a feed before they went to sleep but he didn't want his then. "You want to feed him?" I asked lifting the bottle in Rick's direction watching as he glanced down at Judith before nodding his head. "Set her on the bed and I'll swap them around,"

Rick followed my instructions, setting Judith on the bed between us as I shifted to make room before settling Theo in his dad's arms, handing the bottle over. Rick settled Theo's head against his shoulder before pressing the bottle to his lips, a small smile flirting across his lips as the baby sucked down the formula.

"He's a hungry boy," Rick mumbled titling the bottle up a little. He glanced to me quickly before looking back down at his son. I gave a soft sigh before picking Judith up off of the bed and holding her to my chest as she titled her head in her dad's direction.

"Just make sure to burp him halfway through the bottle or he'll get gassy," I told him standing from the bed nodding down at him.

"Where are you going?" he asked looking up at me, pulling the bottle from Theo's lips and resting him on his shoulder, rubbing his back.

"I'm gonna check on Michonne, see if she's alright. I know you don't like her or trust her but she helped you get Glenn and Maggie back. The least I could do is check up on her," I muttered to him, leaning down to press a kiss on his head before leaving him alone with Theo. I found Michonne in one of the cells on the bottom floor, resting on the bed on her back looking up at the bunk above her. "Hey," I sighed softly watching as her head snapped to me as if I startled her. "I'm just coming to see how you're doing," I told her stepping into the cell, scanning my eyes over her as she sat up on the bed, resting her elbows on her knees.

""I'm fine," she replied gruffly not giving me much to go by but I could tell she was a guarded person. Her eyes dropped to Judith as she fussed in my arms and I observed her as she seemed to tense up, a haunted look filtering across her eyes. It was the same look that Kelly had when she found out about the miscarriage. It was the same haunted look I had seen many woman go through when they lost a child. There was no name for it but I only hoped I never had to go through that. It was a horrid feeling when I thought I had lost Theo.

"You lost a child," I breathed out flinching slightly as her eyes darted to me and she gave the slightest nod. I would never have seen her do it if I wasn't studying her so intently. "I'm sorry," I mumbled knowing that those words would never make up for what she's lost. "I won't mention it again, I'll leave you," I added knowing that she wouldn't want it bought up again because I know I wouldn't and from experience I knew Kelly hated it being mentioned. "You should get some sleep." She was a broken woman and I could never guess what pain she was going through. She needed us more than she thought she did.

* * *

"So what now?" it was Beth that asked the question we all wanted the answers to. She was holding Theo in her arms, it seems she must have taken him when Rick had finished feeding the boy. Maggie and Glenn were leaning against two of the gates, while Rick and Hershel stood close to the gate that led into the communal area with Carol and Axel, Carl stood by his side. Amy and Kelly were closest to the communal area, leaning against the gate on the other side listening in but keeping an eye on Tyreese, Sasha and the other two. I stood from the chair I had been resting in, adjusting Judith in my arms as I looked to Rick as the others did the same. "You think the Governor will retaliate?" I could hear the worry in her voice and remember then that she was only a seventeen year old girl. She was still a child.

"Yes." Maggie confirmed and I could hear the waver in her voice and knew she must have been through something to have that answer already supplied and ready to fire.

"Let him try." Glenn muttered darkly, his jaw clenching at the thought of someone coming into our home and attacking us. He had met this Governor though so he must have gotten some idea of how he would react.

"Sounds like he's got a whole town. We're outnumbered and outgunned." Carol mumbled the panic clear on her face as she glanced around at us all before resting her eyes on Rick.

"We could use some reinforcements." Hershel muttered sharing a look with me as I stood by Carl's side, rocking Judy in my arms to make sure she wouldn't fuss. A meaningful look was shared between Hershel and Rick and it wasn't hard for me to guess what Hershel was trying to say to him. We needed those four people out there and Michonne whether Rick liked it or not. A slight nod from Rick's head had Hershel leading the way into the communal area, Amy swinging the gate open so we could pass through.

I could see the four of them standing around one of the tables as we entered, Rick making his way over to them as we followed behind him, keeping a distance between Rick, Hershel and the other four.

"I'm Tyreese," the man introduced himself, holding his hand out for Rick but from the stance my husband had taken I knew he wasn't going to shake his hand.

"Sasha, Allen, Ben." Hershel mentioned pointing each one out with one of his crutches when Rick made no move. I glanced at Maggie sharing a small look with her before giving her a shrug and glancing back to Rick.

"How'd you get in?" Rick finally asked and I could see that Sasha seemed to relax a little as my husband spoke.

"Fire damage to the administrative part of the prison. Wall's down." Tyreese explained stepping up as the leader of the small group of four. He sure as hell looked like a leader but I had a feeling he wasn't that type of guy. This world changed us all but some people still managed to hang onto parts of their old lives and I was sure Tyreese was one of those people.

"That side's completely overrun with walkers. How'd you get this far?" Rick questioned making this more of a police interrogation than an introduction.

"We didn't. We lost our friend Donna." Tyreese told him, his jaw clenching at the mention of the lost woman. I could see Ben and Allen shifting behind them as if the thought of the woman bothered them. She must have been close to them then for their reactions to be like that. They were still grieving.

"They were lost in the tombs," Carl explained and I knew that it was a bad idea when Rick spun to look down at him. He looked furious. Truly mad that Carl would have done something like that.

"You brought them here?" he spat, the anger clear in his tone and I felt defensive of Carl then. Did he really just expect us to leave them there in our home to be eaten? He wasn't here.

"Rick," I warned stepping forward slightly so I was closer to Carl, sending my husband a small glare. Carl did what he thought was right.

"He had no choice." Hershel added and I was happy the man still agreed with me. After all it was Hershel that let him go last night.

"I'm sorry about your friend. We know what that's like." Rick mumbled softly looking to Tyreese as he shifted in his feet, turning his head slightly to look at Hershel.

"Hershel said you could use some extra hands. We're no stranger to hard work. We'll go out and get our own food, stay out of your hair. You got a problem with another group, we'll help with that, too. Anything to contribute." Tyreese said trying to convince Rick to let them join. The man sounded desperate. They all looked desperate. We needed them, and they seemed to need us.

"No." it took Rick a moment to reply but he sounded confident in his choice.

"Please." Sasha begged looking at Rick like he had just stolen from her. "It's like "10 Little Indians" out there. It's just us now." She tried to get him to see from her point of view but I knew he wouldn't agree. He'd already made up his mind and I knew how stubborn he could get.

"No." his reply this time sounded shaky as he shook his head, stepping back slightly.

"Let's talk about this. We can't just keep—" Hershel started but was cut off from Rick who was sounded more confidant this time as he spoke.

"We've been through this. With Tomas, Andrew. Look what happened."

"Axel and Oscar weren't like them." Carol stated and I could tell she wanted them to join as well. Everyone wanted them to join because they made up numbers and we needed them.

"And where's Oscar now?" Rick shouted spinning to look at her before looking to Tyreese. "I can't be responsible." He told the man and I closed my eyes at his words. Everyone we'd lost he blamed on himself, he blamed all those deaths on himself. It wasn't his fault, he couldn't save them all but he thought he could.

"You turn us out, you are responsible." Tyreese told him, making my heart clench at his words. He wasn't making this any easier on Rick.

"Rick." Hershel called giving him a look that stated he wanted to speak with him, face to face. "You've done so much for us. I appreciate that. We all do. We owe you our lives. We've done everything you asked without question. And I'm telling you, you're wrong on this. You've got to start giving people a chance." Those were the words Rick needed to hear, he needed to hear them from Hershel. Rick's eyes settled on me and I gave him a small smile before looking down to Carl.

"Hershel's right Rick," I told him stepping towards him, cupping his cheek in my hand when I was close enough. I looked down to Judith still in my arms then flicked my eyes up to his. "You need to let people in. We need to let people in." it wasn't begging but I'm sure it sounded like it.

"Yeah," Rick whispered, patting Hershel on the shoulder before looking up as if it would help with his decision. He lost it then. I saw his face turn from the acceptance he had for Tyreese and the others and turn into distraught and panic. "No, no. No, no, no, no. No. No, no, no, no, no. Why are you here?" he whispered looking up at the balcony, walking away from us until he was resting under the balcony. "What do you want from me?"

"Dad?" Carl questioned stepping towards Rick but I felt that something was about to go wrong. He was like this when I went to see him in the boiler room. My hand on Carl's shoulder stopped him from going further. I glanced to Maggie asking for her help and she came to my side, taking Judith from me as I stepped in front of Carl.

"Rick," I warned not wanting anyone to see how he would react. I had seen it already and I knew it would upset Carl.

"Why are you- no." he mumbled shaking his head as if he had a bug flying around him. "I can't help you. Get out!" he shouted stepping back turning to look away from the balcony, stepping towards Glenn and Tyreese.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Glenn called out trying to reach for him but Rick stepped away, looking back up at the balcony.

"Get- get out!" he shouted again, letting me catch the anger and confusion on his face.

"Hey, come on. Whoa, it's all good." Tyreese mumbled softly, stepping in front of Sasha, trying to get Rick to look at him but all my husband could do was pace around. Maggie pushed Carl behind her as she and I both stepped closer to Rick, unsure of what he'd do.

"What are you doing?" Sasha questioned and I wasn't sure if she was talking to Rick or Tyreese.

"Hey, easy, Rick. There's no need to—"

"You don't belong here! Get out!" Rick shouted cutting Maggie off as she tried to calm him. He spun round before glancing up at the balcony again, his gun raised and causing panic to stir between everyone. "Please!"

"Relax, brother. Relax."

"Get out! Get out!" he was going crazy that was all I could say. It was exactly like in the boiler room but this time he was a danger to everyone around him.

"We'll leave. We're going. Okay?" Tyreese told him, raiding his hands in a defeated way as he took a step back. "Ain't nobody got to get shot here. We're going."

"What are you doing here?!" Rick screamed at him rushing towards them as Glenn did the same thing, stopping Rick from getting closer to him and the others.

"Okay, we're going." Tyreese whispered picking up his bags as the other three did the same thing.

"Just go! Go! Go!" Glenn shouted at the trying to stop them from getting hurt.

As the four of them ran out I took a slow step towards Rick noting the look Hershel gave me as the others backed away from him so they were pressed tight against the wall. He seemed calmer now that Tyreese and the others weren't here and I shared a look with Glenn as he followed them out.

"Rick, honey," I whispered standing in front of him, dipping my head slightly so I could catch his eye as I raised one hand to cup his cheek. He leant into the touch and I felt safer, like he wasn't going to go off again. "Hey, hey you calm now?" I asked using my other hand to take the gun out of his hand, feeling it slip from his grasp as I tugged it lightly. I felt Axel behind me and I knew he was hovering in case I needed to be pulled away from Rick if he snapped again. I held the gun back to Axel, feeling the cool metal slid from my fingers as the ex-inmate took it away from me. "We'll go lie down, yeah," I mumbled bringing my other hand up to his face as he nodded and smiled at him softly as I took his hand and led him passed the others and back into the cell block.

* * *

I don't know how long we lay there in our bed, him lying on his back as I rested my head on his chest, his arms wrapped around me as I curled into his side but it was nice. He hadn't done this in a long time. Just the two of us without having to worry about anything. I know we had the twins to worry about but right now in this moment it was just me and Rick.

I knew Beth and Maggie were watching the twins, I had seen them both pass our cell holding the two of them as they wandered off to their own cells. It wouldn't be too long before Judith would be wanting her feed but I had a feeling Hershel had told Beth to give her formula so I could be with Rick.

"I've," Rick started but stopped before he could go any further. He wanted to say something but I knew he was overthinking it. I hummed against his chest, letting him know that I was still awake and would listen to whatever he had to say. "I saw Shane," he admitted and I felt his whole body relax as he told me.

"Like the voices on the phone?" I asked feeling hi tense again at my words. "Hershel," I added as if that explained the whole thing. Hershel had told me about the conversation he had with Rick. I knew about the people he spoke to on the phone – the people he thought we had lost because of him.

"He's been taunting me," he confessed running his hand up my back keeping his voice low so no one else could hear. He wanted this to stay between us. "Told me that he could have kept you safe, kept everyone else safe. Told me you would have preferred to be with him. He would have taken care of you a lot better than I have."

"He couldn't Rick. I wouldn't want him to. You're my husband, you're the man I want to protect me. We have Carl, Theo and Judith. We have those three beautiful children and they're ours. Yours and mine, not Shane's. He wouldn't have been able to give them this. I doubt we would have survived as long as we have because he was out of it. He lost control, he slipped." I told him, pushing myself up so I could peer down at him so he could see how much I meant what I said. "I love you but you're slipping as well Rick. You need to snap out of it. Face you're problems, I knew that's why you're seeing him. Face your problems and come back to us before it's too late," his fingers brushed against my cheek before he tugged me down towards him, pressing his lips against mine before pulling back to look me in the eye.

"I will," he whispered promising my something I knew he would try and stand up to. I smiled at him slightly before placing my head back against his chest, running my fingers over his ribs as he held me close.


	31. Chapter 31

"Did you speak with him?" Hershel asked as we both watched Rick leave the communal area, his rifle swinging by his side. I nodded my head at him as I glanced down at Judith as she stretched her arms, her feet kicking out against me before she settled down to sleep again. "What he say?"

"He's hallucinating again, but it's worse than just hearing the voices or thinking I was a ghost," I told him not taking my eyes off of Judith as I spoke. I don't think I could bare to look at him and see the judgement in his eyes. I knew Hershel wasn't one to judge but I felt like he would.

"Did you want me to talk to him?" I glanced up at the man and could see in his eyes that he wasn't judging but he was worried.

"I'll go put Judith down and then I'll go speak to him," I muttered standing from the table and looking down at him. "Don't let Rick know that you know. I think it'll be best if he tells you himself." I suggested giving him a small smile before walking back to the cell block. Beth was sat on the bed feeding Theo when I entered, giving me a smile as I placed Judith on her crate before pulling on one of Rick's checked shirts over my blue camisole. "Would you watch them while I go outside for a while?" I asked the blonde girl receiving a nod from her without her looking away from Theo as she tugged the bottle from his lips. "Thanks," I mumbled, tucking my gun into the back of my jeans and grabbed the hunting knife Daryl had given me when we left the farm.

As I made my way out of the cell block I was stopped by Maggie as she sat with Hershel at the table fixing her gun.

"You going outside?" she asked glancing at the knife tucked into the front of my jeans, the sheath stopping it from cutting into my skin. I nodded my head at her words, sharing a look with Hershel. "Take a rifle with you, we need to stay alert," she pointed to the rifles lined up against the wall by the gate that would led out to the yard.

"Yes boss," I teased saluting to her as I picked up the rifle and headed out to the yard. Rick was looking through the fence when I stepped out the door but was soon rushing down the path and over to the graves. I watched him knowing he was seeing something before shaking my head and swallowing the lump in my throat. I don't know if he was listening to me and fulfilling his promise by facing his 'demons' or if he was blowing it all off and ignoring me.

Michonne stepped into my view as she followed Rick as he rushed out of the gate and then out of the fences. I would have to trust him. I couldn't interfere with him but I would keep him in my sights. Michonne turned then after shutting the gate behind Rick, her eyes resting on me. I turned away from her before heading back into the prison to speak to Hershel. Rick was worse than I thought, worse than we thought.

* * *

"The tombs are filled with walkers," Glenn announced as he walked through the gate, Carl following behind him looking grim at the news. After the effort we took in clearing the prison out there were still ways for the walkers to get in. "We locked the gate, no one goes down there alone or unarmed."

* * *

I could feel her eyes on me as I walked down towards her. She was still in the field, hadn't left since Rick made his way down earlier. It was like she was keeping watch over him or something. Probably trying to figure him out.

Carl and Beth had followed me out of the block, they wanted some fresh air as they put it but I both know they just wanted to leave while Judith and Theo were sleeping. Amy was watching them and I knew Kelly was in there with her to help. She was trying to keep her mind off of Daryl. I knew that if he was to come back she'd forgive him. She loved him too much not to forgive him and after all it was Merle he had left for. She knew what it was like having a sibling. She had wanted to find her brother when this all started but he lived too far away and she wanted to stick with me and Carl.

Carol and Axel were out here as well, setting up some boards against the balcony between the two cell blocks. It was Glenn's idea to start preparing in case the Governor was to attack. That was before he went off on a run by himself. I gave one last glance towards Beth and Carl before looking at Michonne as she kept her eyes on Rick as he stayed within the treeline.

"He gone out of your sight?" I asked her as I stopped at her side resting my hands on my hips as I looked out at Rick. I knocked the rifle at my side with my arm as I did so but ignored it as I glanced over to Michonne and then back to Rick.

"Stayed within my line of vision," she muttered almost startling me with her words. I was expecting her to say maybe one word not a full sentence. I got that she was the silent type but I knew there was some part of her that must have been talkative – there always was with people. It was an instinct to communicate or be part of a community, even for loners. "He seems a bit … has he always been like this?" she asked and I knew she was referring to the crazy side of him. She knew what went down yesterday having woken with all the shouting.

"He's only been like it for a few days," I mumbled running my hand over the thick braid that held my ginger curls out of my face. At her questioning glance I decided to explain. "We've been here nearly two weeks now though it feels longer. There were inmates here when we came and three of them stirred up some trouble, Andrew one of the inmates escaped. Three days ago he umm set a horde or walkers into the prison and our group was separated. Rick, Daryl and Glenn were down by the fences and I was up here with Carl, Maggie, Hershel, Beth and the others. We started shooting them down but there were too many, Beth took Hershel to safety and Maggie led me and Carl back into the communal area. We were going back to the cell block but the walkers already made it in there. We were running through the block and there was these alarms blaring and lights flashing and then I was in labour and I knew the baby wouldn't wait.

"We ended up in the boiler room and I had Theo soon after arriving there. The cord was wrapped round his neck and he wasn't breathing. He'd gone blue and I knew he was dead but I couldn't kill him. He was my boy and I couldn't bear to do it to him. Carl was getting ready to do it when I felt him move against me, he wasn't a walker, he was breathing. He was looking up at me, breathing with a beating heart. We were about to end his life.

"It was then we realised that the alarms had stopped and they wanted to go back to the others. We were going through the hallway when I had to stop because of the pain. Maggie and Carl went on thinking I was behind them but I wasn't. I was having contractions again. I was carrying twins and we didn't even know. Carl and Maggie ended up with the others and they heard Theo crying but I wasn't with them so Rick just assumed the worst. He rushed into the block running to the boiler room not even sparing a glace for his baby.

"We must have missed each other on the way because he ended up in the boiler room and I ended back at the cell block where the others were. Hershel helped me deliver Judith while Glenn went to look for Rick. When I found out Rick thought I was dead I went to go see him in the boiler room but he thought I was a ghost." I paused then as I told her the tail of the twin's birth and the pain we all had to go through that day as I glanced out at my husband. "I think he's scared to lose me. I think he's scared to lose anyone else. It's not just me and Carl he has now, he's got Theo and Judy and all the others. I think that's why he doesn't want anyone else to join the group. He's afraid to lose them."

"He's kept you alive this long," she pointed out as if I should have found that obvious. I nodded my head at her words as I turned to face her giving her a small smile.

"You can stay with us Michonne," I told her glancing around the field we were standing in. "You know that right? I won't let him … you won't have to leave." I assured her not knowing what must be going through her head after listening to Rick last night.

The sound of the gate opening behind us had me looking back as Hershel hopped through, his eyes set on Rick. I knew he was going to talk to him and I wanted to be there when he did. I knew Rick would need to support but I wanted to be there to stop Hershel from saying something that would make it worse. I nodded my head again, biting my bottom lip before setting off towards Hershel.

"I appreciate it," Michonne called causing me to stop and glance back at her to see that she was already making her way towards the overturned bus. A small smile flirted across my lips as I shook my head and joined Hershel's side as he made his way down to Rick.

"I'm gonna speak to him," he warned me as I came to his side but I knew it would be no use to argue with him.

"I know," I mumbled catching the swinging rifle in my hand as it hit against my hip again. After the pointed look Maggie gave me when I told her I was going back outside I made sure to grab the rifle on the way out.

" _Rick."_ there was no sign of Rick when Hershel first called out but then I saw him step into our vision, hand over the top of his eyes as he looked for something. " _Rick._ " Hershel called out trying to get Rick's attention again but not raising his voice too loud to attract the walkers. " _Rick._ " this time when Hershel called out to Rick he projected his voice a little louder so the man on the opposite side of the fence could hear. Rick's eyes settled on us and he slowly made his way over the little wooden bridge before coming to a rest a few feet from the fence. "You know I wouldn't have hobbled all the way down here if it wasn't important. Are you coming back soon?" Hershel asked him when he was sure he had Rick's attention. I could tell something wasn't right with him then, his face covered in sweat as if he had been running around all day. "Glenn's on the warpath. Smart as he is, he can't fill your boots. I'm afraid he's reckless. We need you now more than ever." Hershel added trying to get Rick's attention anyway he could.

"Well, if you're so worried about him, you lead." Rick mumbled to him looking away as if he was distracted by something and we weren't that important to him. It seemed Hershel thought the same thing.

"What are you doing out here?" Hershel asked him and unsure look on his face.

"I've- I've been-I've got... stuff out here. Stuff." Rick stuttered trying to find the answer he wanted to give us. It worried me how much he was hiding from Hershel. He had no problem telling me about him seeing Shane and I knew that somehow that what he was doing now was him trying to solve it.

"How much longer do you need?" Hershel asked and I had the feeling he was trying to distract Rick long enough so he would forget what he was doing and come back. It wasn't going to work. I could tell that by looking at him.

"I don't know. I don't—" Rick mumbled barely keeping his voice loud enough for us to hear as he shrugged. I sighed as I looked over at my husband before glancing to Hershel seeing him dip his head down as he took in Rick's stance.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" the older man asked and I watched as Rick's head turned to give him his full attention, pausing as if he had a gun in his face. I could see the look in his eyes and I knew what it meant. He was thinking about something that had him torn.

"I saw something." Rick admitted as Hershel turned away about to leave. His words had Hershel turning back, as Rick stepped close to the fence. "Shane." He stated leaving the name hanging in the air my breath slowing as he did. The man still gave me the shivers even though he was long dead. "I saw Sha-I'm seeing Shane. I know it's not really him. But there's got to be a reason. It's got to mean something, you know." Rick concluded and I wanted to smile at his words because he was trying. He was trying to figure out why Shane was taunting him.

"Was it him on the phone?" Hershel asked bringing up the phone incident from the boiler room as he looked Rick over carefully.

"Yeah. Dale, too. And the town." Rick confessed gripping onto the fence as he looked between the two of us.

"Do you see them now? You're looking for them." Hershel stated coming to the conclusion that Rick was out here trying to find these people he had been seeing.

"I'm waiting."

"For what?" Hershel asked softly sound much like a father in that moment and I saw that he did see Rick like a son.

"I don't know. Something. There's an answer. I know it doesn't make sense. Well, it does. It can make sense. I mean, I think in time it will make sense." Rick mumbled trying to explain his answer as if it needed justifying which I suppose it did. I wanted to say something, make it better for him but I knew I should let Hershel take the lead on this one. Let him knock some sense into Rick.

"Rick...? Come on in. You need rest. It's not safe out here." The way Hershel was talking to him it was like he was speaking to a child, a child that was afraid and lost. A child that Rick was at this moment. He was like a lost child, trying to find something but having no luck.

"I can't. I can't." Rick whispered giving us one last glance, his eyes lingering on me before he turned around, making his way back towards the forest.

"You tried Hershel," I sighed to the man resting my hand on his shoulder gently as he watched Rick walk away from us. "You tried,"

"I know," he breathed out resting on his crutches nodding his head as he kept his eyes on Rick. I nodded along with him, taking my hand off of his shoulder, looking down at the floor.

"We should–" my words were cut off as a familiar bang rang out through the area drawing my attention to a car where a man stood holding a gun. Just as my eyes settled on him gunfire rang out through the courtyard. I reached out for Hershel, grabbing onto his arm again ready to pull him down. I had just pulled him down when I felt the stinging of pain go through my right arm.

"Stay down," Hershel called out over the noise, his hand grabbing mine as we lay there in the dirt. The rifle hanging from my shoulder reminded me that I had a weapon and as if he had read my mind Hershel gave me a stern shake of the head. "No," he warned stopping me from jumping up with the gun and firing back at the men.

The gunfire cleared but the sound of an engine soon took its place and at first I thought it was Glenn returning until I heard the metal of gates being crashed and the van stop. I glanced at Hershel before rising slightly to take a look at the van when a man ran out, opening the back and unleashing a herd of walkers into the field. I gasped as they started making their way towards us, the man running back out of the gate firing at Michonne as he went.

"Hershel, Fay get the hell out of there!" Rick yelled trying to fire at the walkers but came up empty. I glanced to Hershel again, nodding my head as I quickly stood, firing off at one of the closest walkers before helping the man to his feet. I could see Michonne waving her katana around as she tried to reach us before looking over to the gates. I followed her glance to see that Glenn had returned just as the other car was leaving.

"We gotta go Hershel," I called to him firing at a few more walkers as Glenn turned the car in our direction just as Michonne ran to us. They both reached us at the same time, loading Hershel into the car. I made sure he was in before sliding into the back followed by Michonne. It was then that I remembered Rick outside the fence which caused me to turn back at glance out the window to see him with Merle and Daryl fighting off walkers.

It seemed that things could get worse for us even when we thought they were shit to begin with.

"Mom!" Carl yelled as Michonne slipped out of the car followed by Hershel who was helped by Maggie. I glanced to the boy happy to see that he was okay after the shot out and there were no signs of injury. "You're bleeding!" he exclaimed his eyes going wide as he nodded towards my arm. I couldn't say the same about myself but I could already tell it wasn't as bad as I first thought. The bullet went straight through my arm, grazing the inner skin on my upper arm. It would be sore but it wasn't bad.

"I'm fine honey," I assured him as he flung himself at me, pressing his head against my chest as he stifled his sobs. Beth shot my arm a look before looking towards her dad.

"I'll patch you up," he mumbled leading the way back into the prison where we knew it was safe at the moment. We shouldn't linger outside in case they came back. I glanced down the field to see that Rick, Daryl and Merle had fought off the walker as were talking about something. At least he was safe.

"Come on," Beth muttered taking my hand in hers as she dragged me behind her, Carl latched to me side as took deep breaths to stop the silent sobs that ran through him. At the end of the day he was still a child afraid to lose his parents in this shit world.


	32. Chapter 32

"I'll patch her up and she'll be fine," Hershel assured him again as I sat on one of the chairs in the cell block before sitting down beside me. I rolled my eyes as his blue eyes settled on me again, unbuttoning the shirt and pulling it away from my shoulder, presenting my arm to the older man.

"I got your stuff Hershel," Michonne mumbled handing over the bottle of alcohol rub and a cloth. Michonne gave me a tense smile before setting her hand against mine. There were no words to it but I had a feeling she was trying to show that she did like me. It was a kind gesture and I felt that it wasn't her. At least she was trying.

"Are you sure?" Carl asked him dropping his eyes to the trail of blood that ran down my arm before looking into my eyes. Hershel dabbed the alcohol on the cloth giving me a look before glancing up to Michonne.

"You might want to hold her," he advised waiting for the woman to grab hold of my arm before swiping the cold fabric across my cut skin. I hissed out in pain, tensing at the alcohol entered my wound, squeezing my eyes shut as the urge to cry and scream out took over.

"You're hurting her!" Carl exclaimed and I opened my eyes just in time to see Glenn pulling him back from trying to stop Hershel.

"I'm fine Carl, I'm fine," I promised him breathing out and giving a look to Hershel for him to continue.

"It doesn't need stitches so that's a good thing, I'll gust wrap it up," Hershel mumbled looking at the gash on my arm as Michonne reached down to grab the bandages. Hershel sent her a thankful smile before handing her the wet cloth in exchange before wrapping the white material around my arm.

The sound of the metal gate opening had everyone glancing over as Rick entered, Daryl and Merle following him. It took seconds before Kelly was running over to the crossbow wielder, throwing her arms around him, pressing her lips to his. It seemed she had forgiven him for leaving after all. From the surprise on Merle's face I knew Daryl hadn't mentioned Kelly.

"You're hurt," Rick mumbled rushing over to my side glancing between Michonne and Hershel before running his hand lightly over the bandage on my arm.

"Went straight through, no damage," I assured him running my hand over his face, wiping away some of the dirt that lingered there.

"That was the Governor?" Amy asked rocking on her feet nodding her head in the direction of the yard. "He sure as hell sounds angry," she mumbled running her arms up her arms as she glanced at us all.

"Yeah that was the Governor," Glenn muttered darkly glancing over to Maggie before looking to Rick. "We need to do something about him. He almost killed you. Hell he almost killed Maggie, Beth, Carl, Carol, Hershel, _Fay_. He sure as hell killed Axel!" he shouted causing Amy to jump, taking a step away from Glenn as she looked to Maggie for reassurance. The brunette gave the girl a sorrowful look and a small shrug of her shoulder. "How long do you think it would have taken him to come in here and kill Theo and Judith? Do you think he would have cared? That man doesn't have any humanity left and he wouldn't stop to save a baby! We need to do something!"

"I know," Rick mumbled glancing down at me not bothering to look at Glenn as he ran his hand over my cheek.

"Do you really Rick? You were on the other side of the fence. What help was that?" Glenn spat at him taking a step towards us and I knew that things would get out of hand pretty quickly. Rick would either let Glenn shout at him, not fighting back or would snap and fight back. I couldn't let that happen.

"Glenn stop!" I shouted standing from the chair, stepping away from Rick to look at the man. "We've all seen what the Governor's like, how crazy he is but we don't need to be doing this. We can't be ripping at each other's throats. Don't you think he wants that? We've been through too much to start now. I know we lost Axel, hell we could have all been killed but we weren't. Be thankful we got another day on this earth with our family!"

"Fay's right, we don't need to be shouting at each other," Hershel agreed turning to look at his daughter's boyfriend giving him a pointed look. "We should all get some rest,"

"Do you think we could sleep knowing that man's out there?" Glenn questioned the anger clear on his face.

"I don't think you could but you need it," I mumbled to him taking Rick's hand in mine. "Michonne's had hardly any sleep the last couple of days. Rick's been up for almost four days without sleep. You haven't been to sleep for two days. Everyone needs rest." I told him nodding to everyone around the room watching as realisation fell on his face. "We'll keep guards, swap it up every three to four hours."

"I'll take first watch," Daryl grunted moving his hand from Kelly's waist as he lifted his crossbow onto his shoulder.

"I'll go with him," Kelly announced looking to Daryl as she took the rifle I had been using from where it rested against the wall.

"Well hang on there sugartits," Merle drawled out stepping forward slightly making everyone aware of his presence. Michonne tensed beside me, her hand reaching for the katana strapped to her back while Glenn went to run towards him only to be stopped by Maggie and Amy pulling him back. "That's my little brother,"

"You ain't going anywhere Merle," Rick told him letting go of my hand and stepping towards the older Dixon brother.

"Rick," Daryl warned glancing at my husband and then to his brother. Rick gave him a look to which Daryl nodded to and I frowned at the silent conversation the two of them just had. When did they start that?

"You can stay but you sure as hell ain't staying in here with us," Rick announced nodding to Daryl who then proceeded to place his hand on Merle's shoulder.

"What the hell ya talking about!" Merle yelled out receiving a shrill cry in response. After everything that went on it seemed Judith was to be woken by Merle Dixon's yelling. "That a baby?" he questioned looking around the cell block in a confused manner as Beth ran towards my cell to retrieve the crying baby. She returned seconds later with a red faced Judith who was still crying. She rocked her slightly but sent me a look when the rocking did nothing to calm her down. I gave her a nod of the head and Judith was quickly settled in my arms.

"Hey Judy," I cooed down at the girl gaining her attention, her cries quieting down as she snuggled into me. "Mommy's here," I whispered pressing my lips to her head as Rick's hand settled on her back, rubbing it slightly.

"Weehee, would ya look at that," Merle exclaimed smacking his hand against his leg as he glanced over to us. "Officer Friendly has sure been busy!"

"Merle!" Daryl spat at his brother warning him as the older brother went to take a step forward.

"I'm just lookin' little brother," it sounded like he was cooing to Daryl and I couldn't understand why Daryl got so defensive of Merle after the way he treated him.

"Not another step closer," Carl's voice rang out through the cell block as he stepped in front of me and Judith his gun raised and pointed at Merle.

"Carl, stop." Rick muttered to the boy sternly, placing his hand on his shoulder before sliding his hand down to lower his arm. Rick turned his attention to Merle then, stepping towards the man, his head tilted to the side. "I'm not letting you stay in here. I'm sure you can understand why."

"I'm still not gettin' ya Officer Friendly," Merle drawled resting his hand on his hip while he held his right hand over his chest, the metal contraption shining in the dimmed light.

"You're not staying near the twins," Daryl muttered to his brother pushing his shoulder so Merle stepped back so he was almost in a corner.

"Twins?" Merle asked his eyes shooting around the room until the settled on Judith in my arms.

"There's a cell out in the communal area you can stay in," Hershel told him nodding back towards the gate which was standing between the two Dixon brothers.

"Ya gonna lock me in to?"

"No one here trusts you," Rick stated resting his hand on the gun at his side as he stepped closer. "We're only letting you stay because your Daryl's brother and Daryl's our family. You either get in the cell or you stay outside, locked out with the walkers."

It didn't take Merle long to make his decision and with a little persuading from Daryl the older Dixon was locked in the cell out in the communal area away from the rest of us. Daryl and Kelly left making arrangements with Carol and Amy to swap with them when they finished their watch and left the rest of us to settle down for the night. It took Beth to convince Carl to go to his cell and with a grumble that reminded me of his father the boy stomped off to bed.

Beth handed over the bottles of formula she had ready for the night before leaving us for her own cell between Carl's and Hershel's. Rick settled down in our cell without a word only to pick up a hungry Theo and start his feed as I watched. Judith's small cry for attention reminded me that she had not only woken because Merle was being loud but also because she was hungry like her brother.

* * *

"We're not leaving." Rick stressed out again for the fourth time that morning as the others questioned what we were going to do. I don't know whether I agreed with him or not but if leaving meant protecting the twins and Carl then I would do it. But I would try and stay with Rick – this just made things more complicated.

"We can't stay here." Hershel fought again trying to get his point across. He had almost lost both his girls yesterday and almost lost his life as well during the shootout.

"What if there's another sniper? A wood pallet won't stop one of those rounds." Maggie pointed out clearly on her dad's side on this. I wasn't sure what side to be on. Rick was certain it was safe here but it didn't feel like that yesterday.

"We can't even go outside." Beth said shrugging her shoulders as she leant over the balcony next to Amy who nodded her head in agreement.

"Not in the daylight." Carol added and I could tell she was remembering yesterday as she watched Axel die.

"If Rick –"

"Rick says we're not running, we're not running." Glenn cut off whatever Hershel was about to say but I knew this was more about killing the Governor for him that actually wanting to stay here. Glenn had a vendetta against the man and would do whatever it took to kill him.

"No," Merle's voice rang out from the gate separating the communal area and the cell block. "Better to live like rats."

"You got a better idea?" Rick asked him turning to face him a look of mocking on his face a she gazed at the man.

"Yeah, we should have slid out of here last night and lived to fight another day. But we lost that window, didn't we? I'm sure he's got scouts on every road out of this place by now."

"We ain't scared of that prick." Daryl muttered walking along the platform above as he glared down at his brother. I sighed running my hand through my hair as I stepped away from the cell, glancing back into the cell block to look at the twins before leaning against the stairs, close to Glenn. Was Merle right? Should we have left?

"Y'all should be. That truck through the fence thing, that's just him ringing the doorbell. We might have some thick walls to hide behind, but he's got the guns and the numbers. And if he takes the high ground around this place, shoot, he could just starve us out if he wanted to." Merle drawled out and for some reason his words made sense. He knew the Governor, he probably knows his game plan.

"Let's put him in the other cell block." Aggie spat out her dislike for Merle clear on her face as she looked at him as if he was a rat scurrying around in the dirt.

"No. He's got a point." Daryl grumbled looking down at us from his perch above.

"This is all you. You started this." Maggie shouted at Merle and I knew she was thinking about when he took her and Glenn from the store when they were in their run.

"What difference whose fault it is?" Beth yelled stopping her sister from going on as she rushed to the top of the stairs looking down. "What do we do?"

"I said we should leave. Now Axel's dead. We can't just sit here." Hershel said looking to Rick as if he was blaming him.

"Stop Hershel," I warned the man looking away from Rick as a haunted look passed across his face. Rick closed his eyes before turning away, walking towards Merle and the gate.

"Get back here!" Hershel yelled after him, standing from the stairs as he watched my husband stop at his words. Hershel oved forwards towards him, stopping about halfway before opening his mouth again. I stepped away from the stair only stopping when Glenn rested his hand on my arm softly. "You're slipping, Rick. We've all seen it. We understand why. But now is not the time. You once said this isn't a democracy. Now you have to own up to that. I put my family's life in your hands. Your family's life is in your hands, those twins in there, they need a father. Carl needs a father and Fay needs her husband. So get your head clear and do something." Rick didn't answer him but continued to walk out of the cell block, not sparing any of us another glance as he left. I just watched him go not knowing if he was going to do what Hershel suggest or to go find Shane again to find his answers.

"He needed to hear it," Maggie muttered to me coming to my side, resting her hand over Glenn's and removing it from my arm.

"I know," I mumbled walking away from her and settling down in my cell.

* * *

I was resting on my bed with the twins when Carl came in, stopping in the gateway before coming closer, resting at the end of the bed. Both the twins were awake but they weren't fussing just looking at the bear I was holding above the both, pressing it gently against their faces as they scrunched up their noses.

"I spoke to dad," Carl mumbled taking the bear from my hand and repeating my actions. "I asked him to stop leading the group. Let Hershel and Daryl take over so he can rest,"

"What did he say?" I asked taking the sheriff's hat from his head before running my fingers through the dark locks. He needed a haircut but I knew he wouldn't let me do it.

"Nothing, I left him to think about it," he replied pressing a kiss to Theo's head, running his hand over Judith's stomach at the same time.

"You're not a little boy anymore Carl," I whispered thinking back to when he was six and I first saw him.

"I know you want me to be but I can't. Not when I have to watch out for you and them," he told me nodding down at his brother and sister.

"You don't need to do that." I expressed sighing because he thought he had to. It wasn't his job.

"What happens if you die? You got hit by that bullet out there. What happens when one goes through your head or you get bit by a walker? What happens when dad does too? I'm their brother. It means if you both die I have to look after them. I need to protect them," I stated not glancing at me as he spoke and I knew it was because his voice was shaking at the thought of me and Rick dying.

"Your dad and me … we're here Carl. You don't have to protect everyone. It's our job as your parents to protect you. It's our job,"

"But it won't when your gone," he grumbled standing from the bed, dropping the bear between the twins as leaving the room without a words. He was just like his father, too much like Rick in fact.

* * *

"Field's filled with walkers." Rick's voice echoed through the cell waking me from the sleep I had drifted off into. The twins were asleep beside me and I blinked my eyes open, turning my head to look out of the cell only to see Maggie walk passed, wearing a bulletproof vest and carrying a rifle. "I didn't see any snipers out there, but we'll keep Maggie on watch."

"I'll get up in the guard tower, take out half them walkers, give these guys a chance to fix the fence."

"Or use some of the cars to put the bus in place."

"We can't access the field without burning through our bullets."

"So we're trapped in here. There's barely any food or ammo."

"Been here before. We'll be all right".

"That's when it was just us. Before there was a snake in the nest." At Glenn's words I sat up from the bed, wrapping a blanket around Judith and moving the pillows around them both so they wouldn't roll of the bed. I knew it was too early for that but I wasn't taking any chances.

"Man, we gonna go through this again? Look, Merle's staying here. He's with us now. Get used to it." I knew Daryl was getting fed up with defending his brother but I think he needed to understand that Merle had hurt a lot of people here and they weren't just going to accept him back.

"Hey." Rick warned and I wasn't sure who he was talking to as I peeked out of the cell and over to them.

"All y'all." Daryl muttered looking at Rick this time before climbing up the stair back to his perch. As the others watched him go I walked over to them, glancing at Michonne as she watched me.

"Seriously, Rick, I don't think Merle living here is really gonna fly." Glenn said fiercely to him, leaning in so Daryl wouldn't over hear what was being said about his brother.

"I can't kick him out." Rick answered leaning close to Glenn giving him a stern look, the same look I had seen him give Carl.

"I wouldn't ask you to live with Shane after he tried to kill you." Glenn's words were harsh and I knew that they would bring up memories for Rick. Memories that were probably best left alone at the moment.

"Stop," I warned Glenn stepping between him and Rick, pushing Glenn back slightly as I rested my hand against Rick's chest.

"Merle has military experience. He may be erratic, but don't underestimate his loyalty to his brother." Hershel started glancing between the three of us before his eyes settled on Glenn over my shoulder. Hershel would never stop being the peacekeeper and I wasn't sure if that was a good idea in this world.

"What if we solve both problems at once?" Glenn asked looking at us all before shrugging his shoulders. "Deliver Merle to the Governor. Bargaining chip. Give him his traitor, maybe declare a truce."

"I doubt that would work Glenn," I mumbled glancing back at the man but could already hear Hershel leaving us. "I know you don't like it but you have to deal with it," I told him then glanced over to Michonne hoping she got the message as well. "Merle knows the man, he could help us more than if we went at it alone,"

"I don't like it," Glenn uttered stepping back as he frowned at me.

"You don't have to like it Glenn, you just have to put up with it." I grumbled to him before walking back to the cell, lying on the bed again with the twins.

* * *

"This is hard for you isn't it?" Amy asked lying down behind me, wrapping her arm around me as she rested her head on my shoulder. I nodded against her, keeping my eyes closed as she ran her hand along my arm in comfort. "I'm sorry,"

"It's not your fault," I sighed shifting onto my back, Amy copied my movements resting on her back beside me. I knew she must have been on the edge of the bed, the twins were taking up most of the room.

"Daryl told me that Andrea was in Woodbury," Amy muttered and I could hear the pain in her voice. "She's with that man. Do you think she knew he came here to kill us?" in that moment Amy sounded like a little girl, lost and without any way of getting back.

"I'm not sure what to think Amy," I told her grabbing her hand in mine as it rested between our bodies on the bed. "She sure changed after the CDC, I'm not sure what she's like anymore. You and her were on bad terms when the farm fell, she could be different now. Hell we're all different."

"She's my sister," Amy whispered and I knew she was crying. I smiled a bitter smile, pulling her into my side, resting her head on my chest as I wrapped my arm around her.

"I know she is but people change. You've got us and I know it's not the same but we all care about you. We love you," I mumbled to her running my hand through her hair, holding her close as she cried. It seemed everyone was breaking down beside me and I hoped I wouldn't be the next one.

* * *

A shadow above me had me opening my eyes to see Rick hovering above us a look of anger on his face.

"What is it?" I asked nudging Amy to get her to sit up. The blonde wiped at her eyes as they settled on Rick just as I sat up beside her.

"Andrea's here," he stated stopping Amy as she sprung from the bed, holding her back. "I need you to stay here Amy. I'm sorry but you need to do it. I need to speak with her before you get to see her. See where she stands. I knew you don't like it but I can't have you changing her answers. Stay with Fay,"

"Okay," she whispered dropping back down on the bed, dropping her head in her hands. I ran my hand over her back as she muffled her sobs. It didn't take long after Rick to leave before the gates in the communal area were opening and heavy footsteps were echoing through the room. I glanced at Amy before nodding my head and the both of us stood from the bed and stepped out of the cell.

"After you saved me, we thought you were dead." I heard Carol murmur her voice quiet in the other room.

"Hershel, my God. I can't believe this. Where's Amy?" No one answered Andrea and I wasn't sure how she took it but Amy had to cover her mouth at her sister's question. "And Fay? Shane?"

"He didn't survive." Hershel answered explaining Shane's disappearance but not the way he died.

"Neither did T-Dog." Maggie added her voice sounded stronger than the others although Andrea's was clearest amongst them all.

"I'm so sorry. Carl." She said his name with such sorrow that I knew she must have thought I had died as well. No one answered her and I breathed out a sigh as the suspense hit us with the tension radiating through the room beyond the cell block. "Rick, I—" she sounded breathless and I knew she definitely thought I was dead as she tried to find a way to expressed her feelings towards Rick. I closed my eyes thinking how this would have gone down if I actually did die after I had Theo. "You all live here?" she asked when no one answered her.

"Here and the cell block." Glenn answered as if he knew no one else would.

"There? Well, can I go in?" Andrea asked and I could hear footsteps drawing closer to us but also heard a pair matching hers.

"I won't allow that." Rick said to her and I knew he must have stopped her from getting closer to us. He was in protective mode and I knew he would do anything to stop Andrea from getting near me, Amy or the twins until he knew she could be trusted.

"I'm not an enemy, Rick." she said to him but I wasn't sure if I could believe her. Next to me Amy sunk down on the steps as if it was all too much for her and she needed something to support her.

"We had that field and courtyard until your boyfriend tore down the fence with a truck and shot us up." Rick told her explaining why we were all acting hostile towards her. Hell I had been shot in that incident yesterday and I knew Rick didn't like that. It could have easily have been my head or my heart a bullet went through. And Carl was out there with Beth. Axel died.

"He said you fired first." Andrea muttered the confusion clear in her voice. Amy scoffed at her sister's words and although she was in here at the time she knew who had fired first and who retaliated.

"Well, he's lying." Rick's words seemed final as if settling the matter between the Governor's lies and the truth that we held.

"He killed an inmate who survived in here." Hershel told her as if that should change her mind, make her feel bad because it was her so called boyfriend, lover, whatever she wanted to call him that killed him.

"We liked him." I could hear the tone Daryl was using with her. It was biting at her, telling her that we didn't trust her anymore. Not now. "He was one of us."

"I didn't know anything about that. As soon as I found out, I came. I didn't even know you were in Woodbury until after the shoot-out." She explained as if it would change things. I wasn't even in the room with them but I could feel the shared eye roll that he others must have engaged in.

"That was days ago." Glenn muttered as if he couldn't believe what she was saying. Any true friend would have come running as soon as it happened especially if they thought their sister was in that group.

"I told you, I came as soon as I could." There was a sigh and silence before Andrea questioned someone. "What have you told them?" I didn't know how she was talking to. Was it Merle?

"Nothing." Michonne replied and I remembered then something Rick Said about Michonne spending the winter with Andrea before they both arrived at Woodbury.

"I don't get it. I left Atlanta with you people and now I'm the odd man out?"

"He almost killed Michonne and he would have killed us." Glenn replied and I could hear the anger in his voice as Andrea wasn't getting what they were all trying to say.

"With his finger on the trigger. Isn't he the one who kidnapped you? Who beat you?" she must have been talking about Merle. "Look, I cannot excuse or explain what Philip has done. But I am here trying to bring us together. We have to work this out."

"There's nothing to work out. We're gonna kill him. I don't know how or when, but we will." Rick said to her and I could hear the truth behind his words. Rick wouldn't let that man live.

"We can settle this. There is room at Woodbury for all of you." Andrea tried to convince them but I knew that I wouldn't be able to live in the same town as a man like the Governor, not after what happened yesterday or with Maggie.

"You know better than that." Merle drawled out and I knew he was trying to tell Andrea she knew the Governor better than she let on. I glanced down at Amy knowing this must be hard for her. Her only family she has left and she couldn't even see her until they had this conversation or maybe not even after that.

"What makes you think this man wants to negotiate? Did he say that?" Hershel asked sounding tired. He was tired of all the fighting. He just wanted to live in this world without having to go to war.

"No."

"Then why did you come here?" Rick questioned her and I knew he was wondered why she actually came here. Was she a spy? Or did she really care about us here? It sure as hell didn't sound like it.

"Because he's gearing up for war. The people are terrified. They see you as killers. They're training to attack." She explained and I knew then that she wasn't actually here for us but those people at Woodbury. It sounded like she cared more about those people than she did us.

"I'll tell you what. Next time you see Philip, you tell him I'm gonna take his other eye." Daryl said saying it like he meant it which I knew he did.

"We've taken too much shit for too long. He wants a war? He's got one." Glenn stated and I could almost hear the silent agreement between the group.

"Rick. If you don't sit down and try to work this out, I don't know what's gonna happen. He has a whole town. Look at you. You've lost so much already." She was still under the assumption that I was gone along with her sister and Shane. She was talking about the loss of T-Dog, Oscar and Axel as well. "You can't stand alone anymore."

"You want to make this right, get us inside." Rick said to her making it clear that he was going to fight this Governor whether she liked it or not.

"No." she said firmly making her point on this argument clear.

"Then we got nothing to talk about." Rick stated his footsteps walking away until I saw him opening the gate to the cell block, glancing at me and Amy as he closed the gate behind him.

"There are innocent people!" Andrea called out after him but he didn't turn back to face her. She had lost this. Amy stood up but as Rick held his hand up to stop her from saying anything nodding his head towards her cell.

"Rick, she needs to see her," I whispered to him as he drew closer to me keeping my voice low so Andrea wouldn't be able to hear me.

"I'll sort it out," Rick assured me tilting his head towards the gate as Carl and Beth walked in.

"Andrea's gone out into the yard," Carl explained informing his dad on what the woman was doing before shooting a look at Beth before dipping his head down to her.

"I'm not sure about letting Andrea seeing Amy," Rick admitted cupping my cheek in his heads as he rested his head against mine.

"I'm not sure what to do," I sighed not knowing how to sort out the Andrea problem.

"If Andrea knows Amy's alive it might help us sway her decision. She might change her mind and help us if she knows her sister's alive," Carol muttered giving her opinion as she walked passed us and up the stairs.

"I'm gonna go talk to Daryl and Hershel," Rick mumbled pulling away, placing a kiss on my lips before looking over to Beth. "Watch Carl for me,"

"Sure," the blonde uttered following him out as I glanced up at Carol where she stood on the balcony.

"I'm going to handle Andrea," she told me nodding towards the cell where Judith and Theo rested. "Get Amy to stay with you in the cell, put a sheet up so she can't see in." she ordered lightly stepping down the stairs and I knew she was going to get the woman all our problems revolved around.

* * *

"What happened to the others?" Andrea asked as Carol led her into the cell block and up the stairs. I could barely see them through the white sheet hanging from the cell gate but I could make them out. I knew she was asking about Amy and myself. No one had mentioned us to them.

"T-Dog died leading me to safety," Carol told her the lingering sadness in her voice as she thought about the man. "Shane err,"

"What about Shane?" Andrea questioned hearing the hesitation in Carol's voice.

"Rick killed him." Carol stated keeping the words blunt because there was no need to feel sorry. I stepped forward at this news seeing the look on Andrea's face. "The night we left the farm. That whole Randall thing was a lie. Shane tried to kill Rick."

"Shane loved Rick," Andrea supplied not understanding the turn of the events.

"Shane loved Fay, he was crazy," Carol said simply knowing the other woman saw the same thing. We had all seen how crazy Shane had become.

"Rick's become cold." Andrea said as if that would make a difference to how she felt. "Unsteady." I could take it anymore and I knew Rick wanted me to stay hidden but I couldn't just stand by and let Andrea make assumptions.

"That happens when you have to kill your best friend because he's gone crazy." I stated stepping out from behind the sheet and to the bottom of the stairs looking up at the two woman. I could tell Carol knew I was going to come out, she knew I wouldn't just stand by as Andrea spoke about Rick. "Shane tried to kill my husband, Rick was defending himself."

"You're alive?" Andrea asked shock filling her face but the look turned to one of disbelief as her eyes flew behind me. I turned to see Amy standing by the gate a fussy Judith in her arms. Amy sent a glance up at her sister before handing Judith to me, her eyes locking with mine as she handed her over. I could see what she was saying. She was with us and not Andrea. "Amy," she breathed out not really believing what she was saying.

"Andrea," Amy greeted coolly glancing up at her sister quickly before walking back into the cell no doubt to see to Theo.

"What's wrong with her?" Andrea asked stepping down the stairs, looking over to the cell Amy went into.

"I'd prefer you didn't go in there," I told her as she took a step towards the cell. At the glare she sent me I only shrugged glancing down at Judith. "That's mine and Rick's cell, we like our privacy. And I doubt Amy wants to talk to you right now,"

"Whose is the baby?" Andrea questioned looking from me to Carol and then at the sheet.

"She's mine," I told her keeping my eyes on Judith as I rocked her gently in my arms.

"You were pregnant?"

"We didn't know until after the farm. Took a while to realise but we did our best when we found out," I explained glancing up at her as she looked down at the baby in my arms.

"What's her name?" Andrea asked a small smile on her lips as she peered down at the baby.

"Judith Elizabeth Grimes," I muttered smiling down at the baby. "Carl named her but we honoured Bethy with her middle name,"

"How old is she?"

"Four days," Carol stated joining us on the ground floor as she crossed her arms looking to Andrea. "There was an incident with walkers, we were all separated. Maggie helped deliver Theo but they got split and Hershel delivered Judith later on. I didn't find out about them until the day after, that's when Daryl found me."

"Theo? You had twins? Where's the boy? Did he …" she trailed off not knowing if she should go on. I smiled at her shaking my head at her words before nodding towards Amy as she joined us again Theo in her arms.

"The twins mean everything to us," Amy muttered rocking Theo in her arms as she looked up at her sister. "When we fight this Governor of yours, we're fighting for the twins."

"Amy … come back with me. Come back to Woodbury," Andrea begged taking a step towards her sister only to stop when Amy backed away shaking her head.

"I'm where I'm supposed to be," Amy told her looking her in the eye as she spoke. "I'm with my family."

"I'm your sister or have you forgotten that?" Andrea spat her cheeks flushing at Amy's words.

"You may be my sister but this is my family. I won't go to place where a lunatic is running things to the ground, shooting at innocent people, kidnapping them and torturing them. If you want to go back do it, I don't care but I won't be joining you."

"You're always been a spoilt brat you know that!" Andrea hissed at her leaving the cell block without a glance back at her sister. I glanced to Carol as she gave a small shrug and followed after Andrea leaving em alone with Amy.

"I'm sorry," I whispered feeling responsible for her sister's words.

"Don't be, she made her choice. You were right. Some people change and Andrea's changed," she mumbled walking back into the cell and away from me, leaving me standing in the cell block.

* * *

It was quiet as we all hung around the cell block that evening. Amy was sitting on the balcony, her feet dangling down as she rested her head on the metal bars, her eyes red from the cry she had done when Beth came in to confirm that Andrea had left. She missed her sister even if she choose to stay here with us. I sighed as I pushed off of the wall opposite the cells, Theo asleep in my arms, walking over to lean against the gate to my cell looking over to Rick as he walked to the top of the stairs, Judith in his arms. Beth's voice spread through the cell block then and it seemed fitting for her to sing. A small smile on my face as I looked to her.

" _They hung a sign up in our town,_

_If you live it up, you won't live it down,_

_So she left Monte Rio, son,_

_Just like a bullet leaves a gun,_

_With charcoal eyes and Monroe hips,_

_She went and took the California trip,_

_Well, the moon was gold and her hair like wind,_

_Said don't look back now,_

_Just come on, Jim,_

_You got to hold on,_

_Hold on,_

_You got to hold on,_

_Take my hand, I'm standing right here,_

_You got to hold on,_ " Merle walked into the cell block then looking over at Beth as she sung before dropping his head against his chest as he watched.

_"Well, he gave her a dime-store watch,_

_And a ring made from a spoon,_

_Everyone's looking for someone to blame,_

_If you share my bed, you share my name..."_

"Some reunion, huh?" Daryl muttered as Rick came to stand between me and Hershel. Rick glanced down at Judith before looking to Daryl.

"She's in a jam." Rick stated talking about Andrea. Carol told me that she told Andrea to kill the Governor, now we had to see if she would do it.

"We all are. Andrea's persuasive. This fella's armed to the teeth. Bent on destruction." Hershel mumbled keeping his eyes on Beth as he spoke. As I watched the three of them talk it reminded me of Carl's words. It seemed the boy had somehow got it in Rick's mind that he didn't have to do this on his own.

"So what do you want to do?" Daryl asked leaning to the side slightly as he looked to Rick.

"We match it. I'm going on a run." Rick muttered and my heart fluttered at the thought of him leaving again.

"I'll head out tomorrow."

"No, you stay here. Keep an eye on your brother. I'm glad you're back, really, but if he causes a problem, it's on you." Rick sounded sincere but I knew he wouldn't hesitate to kick Merle out.

"I got him." Daryl assured him it evident in his voice that he wanted Merle to stay.

"I'll take Michonne." Rick said, part of me thinking he was giving her a chance like the rest of us had done.

"You sure that's a good idea?" Daryl questioned the worry showing slightly in his voice.

"I'll find out." Rick looked down at Judith then, turning his head slightly until his eyes landed on me. "And Carl. He's ready." He said as if he had to explain it to me. I didn't like it but I couldn't stop him. If Rick thought Carl was ready for it and had the confidence that the boy would be alright then I couldn't blame him. He turned back to Daryl then looking away from me as if he was afraid I'd challenge him. "You hold it down here."

"You got it." Daryl assured him, nodding his head slightly. Rick nodded back at him before stepping closer to me, leaning back against the wall at my side, his arm brushing against mine. He placed a kiss on my head, resting his chin on my hair, sighing as if he had made a hard decision.

"Where you going on the run?" I whispered knowing it would make no difference if I knew because he'd still go. He was quiet for a few seconds before he sighed deeply and stepped away from me.

"Home," he mumbled just as softly and I understood that he did it to try and hide where he was going. He was hoping I wouldn't hear him. I stepped away from the wall looking up at him in shock. He shook his head at me and walked into the cell and I knew he wanted me to follow.

"You're going to King County?" I questioned as he settled Judith down in her crate before looking at me and giving me a grimace. I didn't hesitate to place Theo in the crate next to his sister before climbing on the bed, grabbing Rick's face in my hands. "I'm going with you,"

"No, you're staying here."

"Look Rick I'm going. I know you'd prefer me to stay here with the twins but I want to go. I have to go. You understand that right? I have to go with you. It was my home to. I want to help you and if I can't go with you I'd just follow in another car," I told him knowing that he knew I would end up at King County whether I went with him or not.

"The twins –" he started to say but I cut him off.

"Beth and Amy will watch them. Maggie and Kelly will help as well. I need to go, please," I begged not really having to have his approval but I knew it would make it easier.

"I don't like the idea of you out there," he sighed letting me know something that he already made clear.

"And I don't like the idea of you out there or Carl but that won't change the fact that you'll be going. There are things there I need to get. Things for the twins. Things you won't know to get. I'm doing this for them. You need to let me do this."

"I don't want to be responsible," he whispered revealing that he was worried I would end up dead this time.

"You won't be responsible. I chose to go out there so I'll be responsible, not you, me." I told him tilting my head down until I captured my eyes with his. He gave the slightest nod but I knew that was him agreeing without having to say the words. I gave him a small smile before placing my lips against his as he bought us down into the bed, him lying on his back while I rested on top of him.

Tomorrow we'd be going on a run and it would be the first time since the twins that I'd be leaving them. I closed my eyes pushing away the heavy feeling that settled in my heart at the thought of never seeing them again. It would always be like this because of the world we lived in. There would be days I'd be afraid to leave them because of the unchanging future. I had to start somewhere, I had to leave them someday.


	33. Chapter 33

"We need to go," Rick told me again looking between me, Beth, Amy and Carl as they all stood around watching me, slight smiles on their faces.

"I know," I sighed looking down to Judith in my arms. "I'm just saying goodbye," I added looking up at him quickly before back down at Judith trying to commit her face to memory.

"You've been saying goodbye to her for ten minutes," he reminded me resting his hand on my lower back as he shot a glance to Carl as I looked back up to him. "Michonne's waiting in the car. If we plan on making it back today we need to leave now."

"Just give me one more minute," I muttered pressing my lips to Judy's head before pressing my nose to her hair, breathing in deeply. I loved her smell, I loved everything about her. Rick's hand on my back was removed and I soon felt the tugging of the baby in my arms being removed from my grasp. I tried to tighten my embrace on her but I was aware that I could hurt her if I didn't let Rick take her from my arms. I frowned at him as he pressed his lips to Judith's head before reluctantly handing her over to a waiting Beth.

"They'll be fine," Amy assured me as she rocked Theo in her arms as she glanced at me then looked down to Judith. I nodded my head, biting my lower lip as I glanced between the twins and sighed, frowning at the thought of leaving them.

"Make sure to feed them every three to four hours," I said to both the blonde's as they held onto the twins. They nodded as if expecting me to say this. "Judith scrunches up her nose when she's hungry so you'll know that's her hungry cry. Theo's hungry cry is a little more strained than his normal cry and he'll kick his legs a little more aggressively. And make sure you stop their feeds halfway through to burp them. If you don't they'll get all gassy and end up with a bad belly. They should spend most of the time sleeping but if it's time for their feed it's better to let them sleep until they wake up. They tend to know when their feeding times are but Judith can be more demanding."

"Mom they know," Carl stated pushing off of the wall he had been leaning on as he stepped towards us, pressing a kiss to the twin's heads before looking to his dad, his eyebrows raised.

"You can stay," Rick told me but at my glare he raised his hands as he took a step back. "You seem a little tense Fay, maybe its best if you stay here."

"No I'm gonna go it's just hard to leave them," I sighed running my fingers over Judith's hair as I bit my lip and slowly nodded my head.

"You ready?" Rick questioned looking to me watching me carefully. I knew he wanted me to change my mind about this, to stay with the twins and not go with him but I had to go. I needed to do this.

"One second," I mumbled rushing back to the cell picking up the discarded shirt that belonged to Rick before heading back towards Beth. I held the shirt up in my hands, noting the confused looks on their faces. "When you feed Judith you'll have to wrap her in this,"

"Why?" Beth asked frowning at me as I tusked the shirt around Judith smiling as she turned into the shirt as if she was smelling it.

"I've always wrapped her in it when I feed her. I was wearing it the first time I feed her, she like the smell of her daddy. Won't feed unless it's close to her," I explained running my fingers over her cheek one last time before stepping back and glancing at both of the twins. "Okay I'm ready," I whispered taking Rick's hand as he pulled me away from the twins and out towards the yard.

"Hershel said this would be good for all of us," Rick said as we stepped out into the yard where Daryl was talking to Carl as they hung around the car.

"Why?" I asked running my hand over the gun strapped to my hip before resting my hand on the hunting knife strapped to my thigh.

"He said it would build the bond between us and the twins but it would also help in case something happens." He sighed looking down at me and unreadable look in his eyes. "We can't always be there for them and one day something might happen to you or me or one of the twins. It's just a precaution," he explained and I could tell that he didn't like the idea of leaving the twins either.

"I always knew that after the baby's born it's good to get out and get back to normal but I never thought it would be five days after they were born," I mumbled slipping into the back of the car next to Carl as Michonne took the driver's seat at Rick's word. With a few words to Daryl, Rick took the passenger's seat up front and we were on our way out of the prison.

* * *

"Hey!" the call from outside the car had me lifting my head and looking out the front window leaning forward slightly as my eyes rested on the hitchhiker. "Hey! Slow down! Slow down! Slow ... I'm begging you! No!" Michonne kept driving not slowing down the speed we were travelling at and I knew she wouldn't stop unless Rick told her to. Carl turned his head to follow the man as we drove passed and I felt uncomfortable when he didn't bash an eye lid but looked slightly distressed. "Please!"

"Don't look at him," I whispered to the boy taking his hand in mine as I rested back against the seat looking over at him with a grim smile. We weren't meant to be letting people die out there. I wasn't meant to. He nodded his head as he turned back to face the front his eyes settling on Rick's chair without a word.

We barely made it down the road two minutes after the hitchhiker passed when a pile up of cars had Michonne slowly the car as she drove on the mud and grass to get round them. The car came to a stop but the wheels kept moving a sign that we had gotten stuck in the mud. Was there anything else that could make this funnier? Getting the car stuck in the mud during the apocalypse was slightly cliché and funny.

Michonne glanced over to Rick as she kept her foot on the gas trying to find some friction that would get us moving again. Carl was staring at her an unimpressed look on his face as Rick turned to face her as well. I could see that he wasn't impressed either and shook my head at the blank look he was giving her. It looked like he was going to open his mouth to say something when smacks on the car announced the presence of many walkers all leaning on the car, smacking their hands as they tried to get in.

"Cover your ears," Rick ordered softly as he turned back to us after a few seconds as he lowered the window beside him a little before pointing his gun at the walker in front of him firing off a shot. I jumped softly at the sound, cringing as a few others followed it and Rick climbed out of the car, a look sent to us as a warning to stay in the car as he killed the other surrounding walkers. With a nod of his head Michonne left the car followed by an eager looking Carl. I sighed after the boy before slipping out his door as well and joining the three of them as they glanced down at the wheel stuck in the mud. It wasn't that bad but it was enough to keep us stranded here. "We'll have to work fast," Rick mumbled glancing around us, alert for other walkers.

Rick, followed by Michonne and Carl carefully picked their way to the piled up cars, Rick going straight for a discarded suitcase on the floor searching through it. Michonne was poking at the dead body in the car, it didn't look like a walker from her, just a rotted corpse.

"This'll work." Rick muttered holding up what looked like a skirt as he folded it over. Michonne placed her katana back in the cover turning to make her way back to the car.

"Tell me when," she called to him as she walked down the small hill giving me a glance before slipping behind the wheel getting ready to start the car on Rick's word. I glanced over to Carl, him standing with his arms crossed and looking very much like his dad with the sheriff's hat perched on his head.

"Hey." Rick called back to him, turning to face the boy as well before nodding him over. "Put something under the car like this with a little gravel and sticks. It gives you traction." He explained to Carl, showing him what he was doing as they both crouched down on the ground a few feet away from the stuck tire. It made me smile as Rick tried to teach Carl something new. I knew why he was doing it but I didn't want to think about that.

"Wouldn't have to do it if she didn't get us stuck." Carl grumbled his voice sounding bitter as he held onto two rocks.

"Carl," I warned him knowing I had brought him up better than that. There was no time to be bitter in this world.

"It was an honest mistake." Rick told him standing up with a sigh exchanging a look with me before crouching down by the tire, setting the clothing covered in dirt and sticks under the tire.

"Why'd you let her come?" Carl asked that same bitter tone in his voice.

"Carl," I hissed out a little harsher this time not happy with his words at all. Michonne had been through a lot more than people thought. She didn't need some kid hating her guts for something he didn't understand.

"She took you to Woodbury and you said she just split on you. And Oscar died and you guys …"

"It wasn't that simple." Rick said over Carl getting him to stop before he went on. "I asked her to come today. I didn't want to leave her at the prison if I wasn't there, not with Merle. That and we got common interests. For right now, we have the same problems. So maybe we can work on them together." I knew Rick was explaining it to Carl in his way but I couldn't help but feel as if he should have been harder on the boy. Told him he was being rude and that was no way to speak about someone but the world had changed and us along with it.

"Just for right now?" Carl asked him his voice sounding lighter as what I thought sounded as hope filled his voice.

"Yeah, just for right now." Rick replied resting his hand on the boys shoulder in a fatherly manner.

"Hey!" the sound of the hitchhiker yelling out for us had both Carl and Rick glancing the same way as me looking at the man as he ran towards us. "Help me! I'm begging you! Don't leave! Please! Hey!" Rick tapped on the car signalling to Michonne to test it out. The engine came on and it seemed the guy heard from his distance as he called out again, sounding more desperate than the last time. "Don't leave! Please!" the car rolled over the clothing with ease, Rick turning his head to watch before he nodded glancing down to Carl.

"Let's go." He ordered heading for the passenger's door opening it as Carl walked round the other side, taking the seat I had earlier.

"I'm okay! Please!" I paused at his words, glancing back at him as I ignored the feel of Rick's eyes on me as he stepped back out of the car. "Please!"

"We need to go," Rick softly said to me, his hand resting on my lower back as he opened the door for me, waiting for me to get in. I glanced at him not happy with his words but I knew he was right. I slipped into the car, giving Carl a small smile as Rick shut the door behind me then dropped into his seat, closing the door just as Michonne drove forward.

"Help me! Stop!"

"I don't –" I started leaning towards Rick's seat only to be cut off as he turned to look at me stopping my words with his own.

"We can't bring him back. I know you don't like it but we can't." he said firmly and I furrowed my brows as I sat back again, resting against the seat. Rick sighed at my look shaking his head, his face turning softer. "I won't risk bringing him back. Do you want him there with Theo? With Judith? What about Beth and Amy? What happens if he … we can't bring him back." I nodded at his words thinking that it made sense now. I hadn't been thinking about our family when I thought about the man. I should have but I was just thinking about how alone he must be out here, scared of every moving shadow. But Rick was right. We didn't know this man and we couldn't risk bringing him back. He may hurt the twins, may hurt our family, he could turn on us and I'd be blaming myself.

* * *

It felt like it didn't take long before we were at the King County welcome sign, Michonne stopped at Rick's order outside the town a building away from the medical office – not the hospital I had worked in but I had done a few hours at the office.

We walked passed the medical office, glancing at a green arrow painted on the wall, Rick leading us to the sheriff's department, round the corner of this block. As we approached the building Rick tapped against the door, waiting for any walkers to make themselves known before glancing at us, raising his gun and stepping in. The department was much like I remembered it maybe a little darker and trashed.

Rick walked straight down the middle, searching carefully for signs of walkers as he made his way to the weapons hanger. I stopped at the desk I knew to be Rick's smiling as my eyes landed on the framed photo placed on his desk. It was a little dusting but the frame was intact, no cracks or smashes to the glass. The picture only held two people but they were both smiling at the camera looking happy as ever. I could see why Rick kept this photo on his desk. The picture of me and Carl sat on the swing that hung out back of our house looked like a professional took it. But alas it was taken the summer Carl was eight by Kelly while Rick was at work. The three of us were waiting for Rick and Shane to return so we could get ready on the barbecue. It had been the week after Rick proposed to me and according to Kelly I was still glowing from the news.

The sound of a door creaking open had me glancing at the others as Rick walked out the door, Michonne following while Carl waited for me. I took the framed photo in my hands wanting to keep onto it before rushing over to Carl and then following after the other two. Carl glanced at the frame in my hands but didn't say anything.

When I saw the other two Rick had his hand on the door glancing back at us before walking into the hanger, Carl followed him and I let Michonne through first with a small hand gesture. When I entered Rick had his hand in his hair from frustration as he stood at the empty gate. I knew that the place should have held some weapons at least, I could remember him telling Shane in Atlanta that he hadn't taken everything.

The frustrated man stepped forward, his shoulders tense as he glanced around at the empty place before he rushed forward and kicked at a metal stand, shoving his gun into its holster before dropping his head in his hands. He leant forward on the side as Carl and Michonne walked onto the hanger as well glancing at the emptiness it provided. Michonne bent down, picking something up off the floor as I rested against the metal cage looking to Rick. The frustration and anger was clearing rolling off him in large dangerous waves. It would be better not to say anything for a while. It would only upset him more.

"You got any other police stations in town?" Apparently I needed to explain to Michonne about Rick's body language so she would be on the same page as me when it came to dealing with my husband and his moods.

"I was the police here." Rick said to her tensely as he turned from the desk he was leaning on to give her a look. Not that she could see it as she was looking at the empty shelves in front of us. "Me and a few other guys. It ain't a big town." He sighed as he glanced to Carl before setting his eyes on me. He knew I could tell not to disturb him when he was in these moods – it was the same when we lived her before the outbreak. His eyes dropped to the frame in my hand but I knew he couldn't see the picture as it was facing me and not him. "There's other places to check. May not have as many guns as were in here, but..." he started but Michonne cut him off still not looking at him.

"We need as many guns as were in here." She said to him her words ringing true. I wasn't sure what it was I heard in her voice desperation maybe. "Ammo, too."

"Yeah, we do. But right now, I only got a line on a couple." He said right back to her, his hands on his hips, his signature stance when he was in cop mode. "There's a few places out on the main street ...bars, a liquor store. Owners had a gun or two behind the counter that people didn't know about. I did. I signed the permits. They might still be there." Michonne sighed deeply at his words as if she didn't agree with him and I knew that he thought the same thing as his face changed and he took a small step towards her, hands still on his hips. "Do you have a problem with that approach?" he asked watching as she slowly turned towards him, keeping her body straight and tense. There was some tension between them, something they needed to sort out fast.

"No, Rick. I don't have a problem." Her voice was soft as she answered Rick before lifting her hand up and offering him one single silver bullet before walking passed me and out the door. Rick looked down to the bullet, rolling it in his fingers before slipping it into his front pocket of his shirt. I would recognise the bullet after the many time Rick came home with the same gun strapped to his hip – it was a bullet for his Colt Python.

"Let's go," he grumbled resting his hand on Carl's shoulder, leading him out of the hanger, following Michonne as she headed back towards the rows of desks out front. I bit my lip as I followed them, clutching the frame in my hand before bringing it to my chest as we left the building.

* * *

I had never thought I would feel like a stranger in my own home but as we walked our way down towards Main Street I couldn't help but feel like a stranger in a strange town. This didn't feel like home, this felt like another random place we had ventured into since the world went to shit.

My eyes settled on another green arrow but this one had faded looking a tinges yellow on the floor. Rick came to a standstill and I glanced up from the floor to see him looking in at a bunch of burnt bodies – walkers probably. He turned away, taking another cautious step down the street, glancing down at another arrow this time yellow.

It didn't take long for us to hit the end of the block and just round the corner was Main Street. It would be weird to see it empty having always seen it busy with people, cars rolling down the road, people talking in the streets, lingering outside the stores. It would be weird now to even picture the street empty.

That wasn't the case when we came round the corner, having seen Rick removing his gun I slid my own from the holster, holding it tightly in my right hand while still holding the framed picture to my chest with my left.

"Rick," I whispered drawing his attention and when he looked at me I nodded my head towards Carl making sure my husband knew I wanted him to watch him just as I would. The street wasn't empty like I thought but instead covered with an assortment of things I could not explain.

"What is it?" Michonne questioned her hand raising up to pull her katana out, but holding off as we stepped closer.

"I don't know." Rick admitted looking down at the orange-red writing on the floor, stopping to read it before taking a step forward. I glanced down at the writing, frowning as the words were processed in my head. _Turn Around And Live._ What were they supposed to mean?

We approached the traps (I swear Rick mumbled it under his breath as I stepped closer to him) carefully taking everything in. I hovered beside Carl knowing that if anything was to happen I'd just grab him and run. Rick would hold his own and I was more than confident that Michonne could do the same.

"It looks like someone's already make this theirs," Michonne called as we walked through the traps, careful not to set any of them off.

"Doesn't mean they found what we're looking for. Couple of the places are just up ahead. Let's get in and get the hell out of here." Rick stated in return ducking under a string wire that no doubt would set off a different trap if tugged or pulled. Carl followed his dad, ducking under the wire and I repeated their actions just as Rick nodded, pointing in the direction of Tyrell's. "There. Tyrell's. A shotgun and two handguns. License issued to Tyrell Debbs." The groaning of a walker alerted us to her presence before we saw her causing the four of us to turn around at the same time to see a female walker making her way towards us, groaning out in hunger. "Wait." Rick said stopping Michonne as she took a step towards the walker ready to take her out. "She'll get caught." He explained when she glanced back at him confused. Just as eh said the walker got caught and not two seconds later a gunshot rang out, exploding the walker's head.

My eyes flew to the man standing on the roof, the hand clutching the frame stinging as pain shot through my hand at the grip I had on it. My eyes went to Carl as he ran slightly with Rick stopping when the man yelled out.

"Hands!" he yelled, Rick and Carl following his orders which sent my doing the same thing holding up the one hand that held the gun and the other that held the frame. "Now you drop what you got and you go. _Your guns, your shoes, and that sword_. All of it. 10 seconds." He demanded sounding like he was used to this sort of thing. Michonne was right, someone had set this place up as their home and now they were protecting what they had.

"Run for the car now." Ordered and I knew he was talking to both me and Carl. If he could get both of us out then he would.

"10..."

"Dad." Carl whispered and I could hear the fear in his voice. I stepped closer to him, coming behind him until my left hand settled on his back, the frame pressing into him as I pulled him closer to me.

"We need that rifle," Michonne went on knowing that Rick knew that as well. I glanced to Rick seeing a look of concentration flirt across his face while he thought about something.

"...nine, eight..."

"I think I can get up there." Michonne said to him sharing a glance with him ignoring the fact that this man was counting down. Was I the only one that seemed concerned about this?

"...seven, six..."

Fay get him out," Rick muttered to me before sending a round at the man before pushing Carl away from him, towards the safety of being away from the gunfire. "Carl, go." He ordered firing again at the man. I glanced at him one last time before rushing to Carl pushing him away as the gunshots rang behind us. The further away we got the more confused I became, Carl had been in front of me but now I couldn't see him. Where had he gone?

"Carl!" I called out not caring who could hear me glancing around for the boy before spotting him running back the way we had come. "Carl!" I yelled running after him which meant I was running back towards the shooting. For once in his life I wish that boy would listen. I stumbled to a stop when the man stood before me, gun raised but I wasn't sure if it was pointed at me or at Rick who had just stood from behind a barrel. The man never got to pull the trigger as a shot rang out and he dropped to the floor.

Carl jogged over to the fallen man as Michonne stood over him, her katana held out in front of her. Rick glanced to me before stepping toward the man, gun still held tightly within his hand as he pointed it at the fallen figure. With one glance down to the man Rick then turned his head towards our son.

"You okay?" Rick asked him checking him over with his eyes trying to find if he was hurt anywhere.

"Yeah." Carl replied keeping his eyes on the man as he nodded his head slightly at his dad's words.

"I told you to go to the car," Rick mum bled and I realised then that he was talking to me as he turned back to glance at me. I gave him a look with raised eyebrows as he shook his head. "I told you to get to safety."

"You don't think I tried to?" I asked him lowering my gun, glancing down at the framed photo in my hand before looking back up at him. "He ran back so I came for him," I mumbled nodding towards our boy as he stood still looking down at the man he had shot.

"I told you to run for the car. I didn't want you to have to do that." Rick said to Carl turning back to face him, scolding him for not listening to his word and then for running away from me.

"I had to." Carl stated glancing to me as if that would explain his reason. He must have thought the man was pointing the gun at me then. Rick glanced back before looking to Michonne who was looking at Carl, an unreadable look on her face.

"He's wearing body armour." Rick announced as he knelt down beside the man ripping his shirt and pulling back the black body armour. "He's alive." He pointed out at the rising and fall of the man's chest.

"Do we care?" Michonne spat at him as he lifted his hands to the man's face mask, pulling it to reveal our shooter.

"Yeah." Rick groaned out shuffling back until he was resting on his bum, looking up at me with a saddened look. "It's Morgan,"

"Morgan?" I muttered confused at first before looking between them and the look on Rick's face finally understanding what he was saying. "Like Morgan, Morgan, the Morgan that saved you Morgan?" I questioned not believing that this was actually that man. Rick had said that Morgan and his son wouldn't be in King County for long, that they were following him out to Atlanta. I just figured they ran into the same trouble Rick had.

"Who?" Michonne asked leaning against wall as she looked down at Morgan and then glanced to Rick the confusion evident on her face.

"When this all started I was in a coma, had no idea what was going on. I stumbled my way home only to find the street empty, a man stumbling my way. His son Duane hit me round the head with a shovel and they took me into a house. He told me everything, explained about the walkers, told me they would kill me or I'd kill them. He helped me get back on my feet, taught me how to kill them. It had to be the brain or they'd keep coming. In return I gave him a few guns from the sheriff department and left with a promise to meet him in Atlanta," Rick explained to her with a heavy heart. She glanced down at the man before shaking her head, turning away. "We're gonna take him back to him place. We can't leave him out here."

* * *

Morgan's pace was just as bobby trapped as the street outside. The welcome mat was an accident waiting to happen and the trip wire waiting at the top of the stairs was a waiting death certificate. I almost tripped into the waiting axe when I stumbled through thankful when Carl settled his hand on my elbow to stop me falling. I don't know how I made it through my pregnancy without falling and killing myself.

"I showed him that weapons locker last year." Rick muttered his voice strained under the weight of Morgan as they moved him around the apartment. The place was full with guns, weapons of all sorts. It was remarkable to be honest.

"And it had all of this in it?" Michonne asked sounding impressed that a sheriff's department in a small town was stocked this well. It may have been a small town but the local hospital was larger than most. The surrounding towns around us were smaller and they tended to come here for the hospital – big hospital, big armoury but I knew that there wasn't this much in that place. Let's just say Rick and I had sneaked back there a few times when I visited him at work.

"No, not even half. He's been busy." Rick answered glancing around the room until he nodded to something in the corner. "The cot."

Michonne didn't waste time before grabbing a bag, filling it with guns and ammo. Carl copied her stuffing a bag full while Rick crouched down by the cot, looking around at the walls. I copied his actions, glancing around at the crazy words littering the walls. _Clear. Clear. Clear._ The words kept showing up in different colours but it must have meant something to him. I looked away setting my eyes on Rick to see him holding something in his hands but his head was raised as he looked up at the wall.

_DUANE TURNED_

The writing was large and in red. I blinked at the words feeling the stinging in my eyes as I thought about the boy I knew to be Morgan's son as one of those walkers. To know a child the same age as Carl had turned reminded me of Sophia. She had been their age and she had been bit and turned. The innocence in this world was being taken from us. Being destroyed.

"No. We're gonna wait for him to wake up. Make sure he's okay." Rick announced to the group and I knew the news about Duane must have gotten to him as well. It sure as hell explained Morgan's behaviour.

"He tried to kill us." Michonne spat in argument and I sighed walking away from them knowing that they needed to have this conversation. They needed to have a lot of conversations before Rick trusted her and let her stay. It needed to be done and she needed to show him who she was.

"He told us to go. He didn't know who we were."

"He tried to kill us and we didn't leave him for the walkers. He's had a good day. He doesn't need half of these guns. We do."

"We're waiting for him to wake up. That's it."

"Have you taken a look around this place? The axe, the spikes, the walls."

"You think he's crazy?" Rick's words seemed to hit a nerve with me and I was questioning then whether he was actually talking about Morgan or himself.

"No. I think he's dangerous."

"I know him."

"He wasn't like this then."

"We're gonna wait for him to wake up."

It wasn't long after Rick's words that Carl joined me as I stood on the other side of the room gazing at the chalk map looking around at the markings Morgan had made. In a weird way it was sort of beautiful and unique. It was beautiful because it was unique. There were things I spotted on the map that made my stomach curl with longing. And anger.

"What do you see?" Rick asked his footsteps coming up behind us but I wasn't sure who he was talking to.

"It's our neighbourhood." Carl replied his voice soft as he replied to his dad. I had seen it just like him, I was feeling the same way. "It's gone." He added the longing in his voice clear as anything.

"Is that why you wanted to come? To see the house?" Rick asked him trying to understand what was going through the boys head. "Carl."

"I - I just wanted to come." Carl mumbled resting his hand on the wall where our house had been. A crunching sound from behind me had Rick questioning the other woman in our company.

"We're eating his food now?"

"The mat said "Welcome."" She supplied and I couldn't stop the smile from forming on my face as I glanced to her before looking back at the map. My eyes settled on the marking where Nana's was, the building circled in green and I wondered what it meant.

"I'm going on a run," I announced turning to face Rick as I stepped towards him, placing the frame on the side next to Michonne as she sat munching on a bag of what I thought was cereal.

"Where?" he asked stopping his digging around in one of the boxes to glance at me. I smiled at him grateful for his concern but he knew I was going whether he agreed or not. I told him last night I had joined him today for my own reasons.

"To Nana's, thought we could use somethings from there. I recon not many people thought to loot a place like that at the end of the world." I mumbled resting my hand on the hunting knife strapped to my thigh before lifting my hand to the gun.

"Faylin," Rick warned using my full name as he straightened up giving me an unsure look. I smiled at him knowing he'd get like this.

"Rick, it's just around the corner," I added hoping he'd give up the fight and accept that I was going.

"I'll go with her dad," Carl inserted stepping forward as he looked to his dad, challenging him to say something. I'm thinking this was some teenage boy thing that happened with boys and their dad's. The challenging thing to settle who was alpha or some shit like that. Carl had miles to go before Rick would submit to being anything but alpha. "There's all those walker traps surrounding the area as well. Morgan's map says it's clear." He further stated nodding towards the map behind us. "We need those things. Cribs for the twins, they need them."

"I'll go too," Michonne said standing up as she looked to Carl nodding her head. I could see Carl was going to put up a fight but Michonne stopped him with a shrug and more words. "You're gonna need some help carrying the box."

"What?" Carl questioned frowning at her words but I knew what she was talking about.

"If you're gonna get a crib, you have to get the box. It's big and heavy. You're gonna need help carrying the box." She shrugged again as if it was obvious what she was talking about. "Plus you're getting two, that's gonna be real heavy."

"Look Rick, we'll be fine, we'll be safe," I said to him giving him a look, pointing to the three of us that would be going.

"Right there, that's the deal." He said giving into the looks the three of us were giving him. "You get into trouble, you holler, okay? I'll hear it from here." I nodded at his words giving him a small smile as I looked to Michonne who nodded her approval and led the way out.

"I want to thank you for coming with me," I mumbled to Michonne once we were half way through Main Street just down the road from Nana's.

"It's no problem," she replied shrugging her shoulders, her eyes settling on Carl. I glanced at him too seeing him looking around the place as if he was sussing it out. I went to open my mouth again, wanting to let her know what it really meant when Carl stopped clearing his throat and saying words I would actually expect from him.

"I'm going on my own run," he announced hands resting on his hips the same way Rick stood when he had the same look on his face. I raised my brow up at him waiting for him to explain some more. "I know you're gonna tell me to stop but I need to do this just like you need to do your thing. I have to do this and I won't let you stop me."

"Okay," I whispered knowing that he was right about this. It was about time I trusted him to do something like this. If he said he needed to do this then I believed him. He was too much like Rick for me not to know that.

"Really?" Carl questioned wondering if I was actually letting him do this or whether I was testing him.

"You can go," I told him nodding my head watching as he smiled brightly, taking his gun from his holster ready to leave. "But Michonne has to go with you," I carried on before he could take one step further.

"What?" he spat out looking to the woman beside me as if she was some disease on the bottom of his shoe.

"That's the deal Carl. She goes with you or you don't go at all." I stated firmly making it clear that I wasn't going to change my mind about this.

"Fine," he hissed out glancing to the woman again before wandering off.

"When he's finished come meet me at Nana's," I said to her watching her nod in agreement before catching up with Carl. At least this was a bit of improvement when it came to Carl. I just hope he'd learn to like Michonne, she wasn't too bad. And we needed her, just as much as she needed us.

* * *

Nana's was just as I remembered it but without the screaming children running around and the brightness of the room. For the most part the place was a massive play area, day-care centre. I kept my gun ready as I climbed the small fence over into the play area, stepping out of the reception centre, glancing around smacking my hand on the desk beside me. When no walkers came out at the noise I stepped further into the area, stepping around toys lying across the floor.

My eyes glanced around the place taking everything in until I settled on the large window at the back that led into another room. The quiet area was back there, where the babies were taken care of. It was the place I needed to be really. There and in the basement, maybe the side shop as well.

That was the thing about Nana's alongside it being a day-care it was also a shop as well, selling baby products – the same products that were used at the place. It was to help promote small business around the place by selling their products and giving a profit to both places.

As I got closer to the door I stopped in my place when I saw the door that led to Nana's office. A soft smile found its way to my lips and I turned in that direction instead. No one had used the officer since Nana passed, I rarely used it when I came to sort out the books but other than that it was out of bounds. I was happy to see the door was unlocked and I stepped in quietly, looking out for walkers. Stepping closer to the desk I stopped when my eyes settled on two photo frames. As I had done with Rick's desk I picked them both up looking down at them.

The first was just of Rick and me at our wedding, smiling at each other as we stood before the cake, ready to cut into it. I know Nana didn't have the time to place these frames on her desk having passed that evening but I knew who did it. Kelly had taken me to the office a few weeks after the funeral telling me she had something I needed to see. She said that if Nana was still alive then she would have wanted to see that photo every day to remember how happy I was.

The other picture was of me, Rick and Carl on Carl's six birthday. It was the day after Rick and I had agreed to try out our relationship. Carl seemed to notice the change in us just as everyone else did and questioned us about after he blew out his candles. Rick told him then, taking me hand in his behind Carl's back, letting me know he was there for me. Carl's smile only grew larger and Shane asked him why he was smiling like that. Carl had explained then that he had wished me and his dad would have gotten together when he blew out the candle and now his wish had come true. The three of us had the biggest smiles on our faces and Nana thought that would be the time to take a photo.

I knew why she had it on her desk. It was the first time she saw the three of us as a family. We were happy and she loved that. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I glanced at the picture. I placed the photos on the desk, wiping my eyes before picking them back up and placing them in the duffle bag I had grabbed from Morgan's apartment. I was taking them with me, I needed to have them. I sighed before glancing back out of the office knowing I had a lot of work to do.

* * *

"Where are we going to put all this?" Carl asked announcing his presence as I glanced up at him from the pile I had created on the floor. He was right, there would be no room in the car for all this stuff. I may have gone overboard on the stuff.

I had taken everything from the shop, all the clothes, the diapers, the ointments everything that would be useful. I had taken two basinets, and two cribs – the basinets would be ideal for now until the twins got bigger. I had even placed a playpen by the pile knowing it would be good for when they got older. We could place it in the communal area or in the cell block.

There was a baby bath as well as a potty – those would come in handy. I could see Carl taking everything in and I knew the look. He was wondering if he had this much crap when he was a baby.

"I thought we'd need everything," I grumbled standing up and looking at the pile, a frown in place. "Is it too much?" I asked looking over at the two. Carl nodded his head while Michonne shook hers.

"You can never have too much," she explained rolling her eyes at Carl as she spoke. "I'm sure I saw a minivan out back. I'll go see if it works," she added before leaving us alone in the building.

"Carl I need your help with something," I called out to the boy as I walked over to the basement door, watching as he followed before leading the way down. His footsteps filled my mind before I stood in front of the shelf waiting for him to join me. When he did I knew he was as excited as I was.

"Wow," he whispered stepping forward as he gazed at the shelf in front of him. I smiled at his words nodding my head as I stepped beside him.

"Thank you Nana, right," I muttered watching as he nodded as well before lifting one of the tins off the shelf, thankful that Nana had ordered that the supply order sheets stay the same every month.

The shelf was metal and had four levels to it, each level holding exactly what we needed. There was fourteen beautiful tins of baby formula in front of us and eight crates of baby food alongside it. The baby food wouldn't be needed now but eventually the twins would need it. On the bottom shelf was industrial sized boxes of diapers and on the floor beside it two boxes of wipes. In the corner of the room was a collection of gift baskets made up for baby showers of baby gifts full of a range of things that would be useful.

"We could use all of this," Carl mumbled looking around the room as if it was Christmas. I laughed at his words, grabbing a box of diapers before ruffling his hair.

"You could say that again," I sighed to him, making my way upstairs and to the pile of waiting baby stuff where Michonne stood, keys in hand.

"The van works," she announced looking to the box in my hands before looking behind me to where Carl was. "Formula?" she questioned and I knew he must have come up with more.

"There's loads of it," Carl told her the excitement still in his voice as he dropped three tins in the pile before running off again. At her glance I shrugged my shoulder sheepishly as I glanced out the front door where the van sat.

"We should start loading this," I suggested nodding towards the car. Michonne agreed, picking up the boxed cribs not looking like they were heavy as she went to the van.

"I laid the seats down so we'd have more room," she explained as she pulled the sliding door open, stacking the boxes on top of the seats before stacking the diapers on top of that. "We'll have to sort it carefully," she added glancing back at the pile of baby stuff left in the building.

* * *

"Hey." Rick's voice stopped the conversation I was having with Michonne as he called out to us. "I was just about to look for you." He glanced at us all before his eyes dropped to the two basinets Carl and Michonne were holding, piles of blankets held within them. They weren't heavy but I had come to an understanding that Carl and Michonne had come to their own understanding. I shifted the diaper bags on my shoulder testing their weight as they were stuffed full of baby stuff.

"Sorry." Carl mumbled to him shifting the diaper bag he had on his shoulder as well as he looked up at his dad.

"It's all right. You're here now." He replied his eyes taking us in with a frown, his face pulling into a wince as he moved his shoulder. I dropped my eyes to his shoulder then, sucking in a breath at the blood stain his shirt. I took a step toward him only for him to raise his hand stopping me. "Oh, it's nothing."

"You sure?" I asked the concern I felt evident in my voice. He nodded his head stepping closer to us, Michonne reaching out and taking a bag from him as he stepped closer to her. She didn't ask her, she just felt the need to take the bag. She was becoming one of us. She had started to open up at Nana's, joking around with Carl as they emptied the basement and filled the minivan.

"Thank you." Rick mumbled moving the other bags around as he led the way passed the traps.

"He's okay?" Michonne asked, her eyes settling on Morgan as we glanced over to him.

"No, he's not."

"Wait. Hey." Carl called out ignoring the look Rick sent him as he tried to stop him.

"Carl." His dad warned but I saw the stubbornness that ran through both Grimes men and probably Theo and Judith too.

"Morgan." The man looked over at the call of his name, his eyes on Carl as the boy waited for his attention. "I had to shoot you. You know I had to, right?" Carl didn't wait for an answer before he apologised. "I'm sorry." Carl took a step forward, ready to go again but Morgan's call stopped us.

"Hey, son." He looked angry to be receiving an apology. "Don't ever be sorry." He warned him before turning back to the walkers he was removing from the traps. I looked at him for a few more seconds before joining the other three on the way back to the car.

"We'd that van come from?" Rick questioned his head moving around us as he took in the area, searching for walkers or humans.

"Oh that was us," I explained nodding at the minivan as I spoke. "We found plenty of baby supplies but knew they wouldn't fit in the car. We needed a new vehicle, found the minivan and stock piled it full," I told him, flashing him a grin at the impressed look he sent the three of us.

"Okay," he mumbled confused at why we were carrying the basinets and the bags.

"They wouldn't fit in," Carl sighed smiling at the memory of the three of us squashed in the front of the van with the basinets and bags. "Should have seen us making our way here with the car."

"Why didn't you leave them in the front seat?" Rick asked a look flirting across his face. The three of us paused, glancing at one another as it dawned on us the. We could have done that but we didn't.

"Guess we didn't think about that," I grumbled sliding the three bags into the back seat as Michonne took to stocking the trunk with bags that we gathered from Morgan's and on the way back. We had stopped at a few other places wiping them clean of any medical supplies, clothing or little things such as batteries or hand gel that would eventually help.

"Everything okay with her?" Rick asked me and Carl as Michonne opened the other back door, sliding the basinets on the seats pushing the bags I had placed in there in the floor.

"I think she might be one of us." Carl muttered and I couldn't stop the smile that flirted across my face. If I had a camera I would have taken a picture of the shock that filled Rick's face.

"What?" Rick questioned a small laugh in his voice as he glanced at Carl.

"Everything went okay." Carl assured him giving him a nod as he watched his dad glance at me for confirmation.

"It's true, we had quite a laugh," I admitted the smile growing on my face at the reminder that Michonne was funny and down to earth when she wanted to be.

"Hop in. I'll throw this in the back." He chuckled pushing Carl's shoulder lightly closing the trunk as he glanced to me then back at the van beside the car.

"I'll be fine don't worry," I sighed knowing he was going to say it before he even uttered the words. "I'll follow you and if anything's wrong I'll beep twice,"

"Okay," he mumbled leaning forward to place a kiss on my lips before swatting at my bum as I walked away from him. I turned around to give him a mock glare before slipping behind the driver's seat of the minivan, starting up the engine as I watched Michonne and Rick talk before he handed her the keys. It took them moments to climb into the car and a wave from Rick out of the window as his signal to follow him had be pushing the van after them.

* * *

Driving had always been one of Rick's favourite things – he enjoyed driving anywhere so I let him, even if it was just to the supermarket. His favourite was driving long journey but for me not so much. I hated driving in silence as well so it was a god send for me when I had switched on the radio twenty minutes in to hear it working, well the CD player was working.

It was a mixed CD, rock by the sounds of it and a few of my favourites on the metal disk. Rick didn't understand my taste of music when I told him my love for rock, I had to explain that the love came from the excessive rock music from one of my favourite shows.

" _Red lights, green lights, stop 'n go, drive_

_Headlines, deadlines jamming your mind_

_You been stealing shots from the side_

_Let your feelings go for a ride,"_ I sung along under my breath as I watched the car in front of me. I could picture how quiet it was in there and I was thankful that I wasn't there to listen to the crickets chirp.

" _There's danger out tonight …_ Jesus Christ!" I yelled slamming my foot on the brakes as their car reversed without warning. "More like there's danger out today," I grumbled under my breath as Rick followed Carl out of the car walking over to me with our son. "You trying to kill me Rick?" I questioned as he sent me a small smile as Carl climbed in the van next to me.

"Carl's gonna join you the rest of the way," he explained nodding back to the car and giving a small shrug. "Thought I'd talk to her, get to know her." He added before heading back to the car and climbed in.

"Your dads got to stop talking to me like I'm you," I grumbled to Carl as he clipped on his seatbelt, shoving my arm lightly at my words. I chuckled at him before starting up the van again, going slower this tie to avoid another close call.

Five minutes into the journey Carl sighed looking back out the window before facing me, sucking in a breath as if he had made his decision. I had been waiting for this since we started on the road again. He was too quiet and I could tell he wanted to say something.

"Do you think they're alright back at the prison?" he asked thinking the same things I had all day. There was the chance that the Governor had attacked again when we were gone, the chance that everyone we loved was dead. That Judy and Theo were gone, Beth and Amy as well. Hershel, Maggie, Glenn, Kelly, Carol, Daryl and even Merle. There was that chance. But we had to have hope.

"I'm sure their fine," I muttered glancing over to him before smiling lightly as I tried to think of something to cheer him up. "I'm sure Judith has been on her worst behaviour making Beth and Amy go mad." I sighed noting the way he smile at this nodding his head along with my words.

"She gets funny when you or dad are away from her for too long," Carl stated resting his hands on his bag before glancing at me again. "Did you wonder where I went back at King County?" he questioned brining up something I had wanted to ask ages a go. I nodded at his question not taking my eyes off of the road. He pulled the bag onto his lap before pulling out a photo frame holding it up for me to see.

It was of me, Carl, Rick, Nana and Kelly, the five of us sat around at the local dinner a couple of days after the engagement. We were going out for a celebration, Nana and Kelly insisting we make a deal out of it so they had ordered in a cake at the diner. Shane had been the one to take the picture, not wanting to be in it for some reason. I loved that picture and so had Helen, the owner of the place. She insisted that she placed one above the counter where many other photos hung.

I understood now why he'd gone for the photo. It was the same reason I'd taken the three photo's I'd seen. They showed our family, they showed the love we felt for each other and they reminded us of the things we needed to live for, to fight for.

"I like that one," I muttered softly taking his hand in mine as I lifted my eyes to the road again. Nothing else needed to be said because I understood him. I could understand him. Sometimes better than Rick. It was the bond Carl and I had, we had it from the beginning and we still had it now. And I knew we'd always have it. It couldn't be replaced, not by Rick, or Theo or Judith. It was just something me and Carl had, something we both understood. Something we appreciated. And we needed it now because just being out here wasn't enough. Surviving wasn't enough. We needed something to hold onto, something to always have.


	34. Chapter 34

"You're gonna suffocate them," Rick teased leaning against the wall shifting the sheet aside as he looked in on me. I was resting on the bed the twins placed between me and the wall as I watched the drift off to sleep. I glanced over to him frowning as he stepped forward, sitting at the bottom by my feet. The basinets had been placed at the bottom of the bed, both of them pushed against the wall long-wise so they'd fit. They almost ran against the length of one of the beds, pushing slightly passed the second that made our bed a double. I knew they should have been in their basinets under their blankets but since coming back two days ago I hadn't left their side much. Especially after Andrea came back suggesting a meeting between Rick and the Governor. That was tomorrow morning. I couldn't help but worry.

"Shut up," I grumbled kicking him lightly with my foot only for him to capture it, running his fingers up my leg, resting it against the hunting knife I had strapped to my thigh. I strapped it on when I woke up, only taking it off when we went to bed. "I'm not,"

"Beth's been complaining about not seeing them for a _whole_ day," he joked squeezing my thigh as he grabbed my hand and pulled me into his chest. "You're worrying too much," he informed me, running his hand over my back as he pressed his lips to my head. He sighed deeply allowing me to see his worry as well. What a pair we made.

"We need to talk about what we're going to do, we need to plan," I mumbled into his chest thinking back to when we were at the golf club and on the run a few weeks ago. We needed to be ready like that. "Like at the golf club," I added hoping he'd understand. If the Governor attacked again, we needed to be ready to run.

"I know," he sighed pressing his lips into my hair, his fingers tugging on the curls as they brushed against the bed. I needed to get them cut but I loved my hair too much. For now it'll have to do just braiding it. "We'll tell the group tonight,"

* * *

"There are things we need to get in order," Rick announced to the group as we all gathered around in the communal area, a few of us sitting around one of the tables while the others stood. Our map was resting on the table between us all, the seed farm Andrea stated the meeting tomorrow would be held at circled.

"Like what Officer?" Merle drawled out as he leant on the far wall away from us, looking over at Rick as if he was some type of idiot.

"Shut it Merle," Daryl warned his brother taking a step forward only to stop when Kelly rested her hand against his arm.

"You're going to this meeting regardless tomorrow, right?" Amy questioned shifting on her feet as she stood beside Maggie and Glenn.

"I am," he confirmed nodding at her words as he stood behind me as I sat beside Hershel at the table.

"What's the plan then?" Glenn asked and I knew out of all of us he was the one most eager to get rid of the Governor and the threat he posed.

"It'll be like at the golf club," Rick mumbled pulling out the pad of paper I had been using to make the lists. He had been planning it as I got the twins to sleep, his notes scrambled on pieces of paper, he wanted to get this right. "We'll each have a pack with supplies – there won't be much but it'll be fine if we get separated. Most of the stuff will be packed into the cars equally, the minivan will hold most of the baby stuff, Fay went a little over board but we can separate it between the van and the dodge."

"I'm taking it the twins will be in the minivan?" Maggie questioned receiving a nod from Rick as she crossed her arms.

"The car seats are in there ready to go," I mumbled remembering that Carl and I had locked the car seats in place after unloading our find at Nana's.

"I've got each of us in a specific car, if we need to get out its vital everyone goes to the correct car unless it's absolutely necessary." Rick leant over me flipping a sheet over so his scribblings and diagrams could be seen by everyone. "Daryl, you got your bike, Glenn, Maggie and Hershel in the Hyundai, Glenn on wheel. Carol and Kelly in the Chevrolet, Kelly driving. I'll be in the Dodge with Michonne and Amy you'll drive the minivan with Fay, Beth, Carl and the twins."

"What about Merle?" Daryl questioned glancing over to his brother before looking back to Rick. Rick pushed off of the table, rubbing at his beard as he glanced between the Dixon brothers.

"I can't have him with Michonne and I ain't gonna trust him with Fay and the kids. Glenn's not gonna ride with him," he shared a look with Carol who shrugged slightly before looking to Kelly receiving a light nod from her. "He'll go in the Chevrolet,"

"And that's the mighty plan?" Merle asked chuckling lightly as we all glanced over to him, he had this large smile on his face, a creepy looking smile. "You all should 'ave left this place after the shootout," he drawled walking away and entering the cell he had been given in the communal area.

"Tomorrow morning I'm going to meet with this Governor," Rick went on ignoring Merle's words as he rested his hand on my shoulder. He had spoken about this with me, he had told em what he had planned. "Daryl and Hershel will come with me. Glenn you're in charge, Maggie and Michonne have got your back. Carl you protect your mother and the twins at all costs and you do as Glenn says. No rule breaking. Understand?" Rick was looking at Carl as he said this but I knew he was talking to everyone.

"I understand dad," Carl assured him giving him the same look he had after he shot Morgan back at King County.

"Alright," there was a sense of unease as everyone shifted on their feet not sure what to do now that Rick had said his piece. It seemed the man himself noticed the uncertainty of the group and decided to make their lives easier by helping them out a little more. "Let's call it a night, Kelly you're on watch, Amy you go with her." The two nodded before grabbing two rifles on the way out, a torch on Kelly's hand as well.

* * *

"He'll be okay Bethy," I mumbled to the girl as we sat in my cell feeding the twins. Judith was wrapped in Rick's shirt, her hand fisted in a ball with the material clenched in her hand while she suckled at my breast. I was talking about her dad, knowing that both she and Maggie had been worried ever since the three men left this morning. They left before the agreed time to meet with Andrea and the Governor, wanting to check it out before going in blind.

"I know he will, so will Rick and Daryl, they'll all come back to us," she sighed glancing down at the boy in her arms giving out a frustrated groan as he refused to take the bottle. He gave a piercing cry that was so different to his hungry cry that had Beth lifting him up so she could look at him, trying to suss out what was wrong. Not seconds later did he throw up, the contents of his formula diet flowing down his onesie and over Beth in the process. "Gross," she whispered standing from the bed so she wouldn't get it on the covers.

"Sorry Beth," I called out to the girl as she left the cell muttering something about getting the boy a bath. I chuckled under my breath as I glanced down at Judith, pulling her away from my nipple and resting her on my shoulder. She whined at the movement, dropping her lips to the skin available, sucking it at. "Just one burp for my Judy and you'll get more milk," It seemed Judith was going to be as stubborn as her daddy as she continued to suck at my shoulder, making squelching noises as she tried to find her food. I rubbed her back, the soft smile present on my face as she ignored me still searching for her food.

"Mom," Carl called ducking his head around the sheet still hanging on the cell, peeking his head in before gazing away when he caught on that I was feeding his sister. "Sorry! Glenn was going to hold a meeting to sort out plans in case dad's talk with the Governor didn't go down. Merle says we should be ready for a fight." Carl's words seemed to be the magic cure for Judith's gassy stomach as she let out a loud burp that echoed through the cell block. "Was that her?"

"Seems your little sister isn't much of a girl," I chuckled bringing her back down to my breast where she greedily sucked at the milk. I grabbed at the blanket Beth left lying on the bed, throwing it over my shoulder and covering Judith from view. "You can look now Carl," I assured the boy watching as he turned around slowly, making sure it was clear before taking a step in the cell. "You think it'll end in a war?" I asked him wanting to hear what he has to say on this whole Governor thing.

"Do I want it to or do I think it will?" he replied shrugging his shoulders as he leant across from me, his back resting against the wall as he looked at me with his blue eyes. "We both know dad's not been right the last couple of days, he isn't capable of … I'm just worried he'll do something stupid. I got to think about you and the twins, his actions will bring us consequences and we can't deal with that on top of the constant threat the walkers leave."

"I wish you'd remember that you're only twelve, not some sixteen or seventeen year old. This world has changed you too much and you've changed along with it. I wish you'd be able to live like a normal boy your age but that's not possible. No matter what world we're living in, I'll always see you as my twelve year old little boy." I told him sighing as I moved a lax Judith into my lap, pulling my bra back into position and the pulling the strap of my camisole back onto my shoulder.

"I'm almost thirteen," he chided giving me a cheeky smile before walking over to the sheet-like door. "I'll tell Glenn you're just putting Judith down,"

* * *

"We've got to get this place organised. I'm not sure what's going to happen but if we're staying her and fighting back we need to plan. It can't be like the other day. We weren't ready then. We need to have weapons stocked in places with extra ammo in case we run out. We don't want to be doing that if we're in the middle of a fight," Glenn muttered as him and Maggie piled most of the guns we collected from Morgan's on the table.

"Maybe we can have snipers in the guard tower?" Maggie suggested lifting a rifle fitted with a scope up as explanation.

"Nah, the governor will take them down first if he plans on attacking. You got a sniper out there, they'll be dead in seconds," Merle drawled his southern accent deeper than Rick's or anyone else's.

"What about decoy snipers then? The other day the Governor had one of his men in the tower shooting at me, Carl, Beth and Carol. What if we place dead walkers in the towers and around the fences to look like us? They'd think they got us and we could be hiding inside ready to take them then," she went on taking Merle's words into account before coming up with something that would help us all out of needed. I nodded at her words before picking up the pen and paper that had been left from the night before. Glenn had dubbed me scribe.

 _Use dead walkers as snipers in towers, around the yard, catwalk (roof?)._ I added to the paper looking to Glenn as he nodded at the words I jotted down.

"If we're talking about copying people why not think about what Andrew did," Carl supplied and I could see the daunting look in his eyes as he thought about the convict that had tried to kill us all.

"He used the back-up generators to turn the alarms on," Maggie explained looking to Michonne as the woman looked confused at the boy's words.

"If we drew them into the tombs then we can scare them like Andrew had you trapped. There's walkers down there as well so that would add to the confusion," Glenn went on sounding and looking excited as we all came up with ideas and suggestions that could prevent the Governor from taking the prison. The glance Glenn sent me had me pressing the pen to the paper again.

_Use back-up generator to set off alarms after drawing the Governor into the tombs. The alarms going off will add to the confusion of walkers – distract and terminate._

"Anything else?" Maggie questioned as she glanced between the pad of paper and Glenn. The man shook his head as he fiddled with a box of rifle rounds, letting his eyes wander up as he went over everything.

"Rick said he wasn't even sure if we'd be fighting," Michonne said and I knew she was thinking about the meeting we had last night. She was right, Rick had shown us all the plan that was similar to the one we had at the golf club. We could still us that if need be.

"Not all of us will be fighting," I mumbled knowing Rick wouldn't let me fight not when we had the twins to think about. If he was fighting then I wouldn't be – the twins needed one parent and I knew that he would rather it be me. Carl wouldn't be fighting, he'd complain about it but he wouldn't be here when the time come. Beth wouldn't either and considering Hershel only had one leg he'd be out of the fighting as well. If I understood Rick then he'd send Amy with me to help protect the twins. "You remember Rick's plan. If he comes back today saying we're leaving, then we are. I'm not sure what this Governor is like but from what I've heard and seen so far I'm doubting whatever he agrees with Rick will actually stick."

"Either way we need to prepare," Glenn said leaning forward and grabbing one of the rifles, checking the rounds inside. Michonne, Maggie and Carl followed his actions and I took notice of Beth stepping out of the cell block, Theo free as she stepped up to the table and helped. "Carl, come here." Glenn called to the boy and I watched as Carl walked around from the other table he had been standing at, going to Glenn's side. "You stash these at the loading dock. All right?" he mumbled handing him two boxes full of ammo before picking up another two and looking to Beth. "Beth, put more up on the catwalk." He looked to Maggie and Michonne as if he needed to explain but I could tell that they had already got the gist of his idea. "If anyone gets pinned down, we need to make sure that they have plenty of ammo." Glenn picked up the torch gun, thick duty gloves and a rifle. "I'll go work on the cage outside."

"What we should be doing is loading some of this firepower in a truck and paying a visit to the Governor. We know where he is right now." Merle announced as if he had been ignoring the conversation the rest of us had been having.

"Are you suggesting that we just go in and kill him?" Glenn asked pausing at Merle's words, glancing over to the man as he leant against the stair-railing.

"Yeah, I am."

"We told Rick and Daryl that we'd stay put." Michonne said to them both, but I could tell her words were pointed more towards Merle than Glenn.

"I've changed my mind, sweetheart. Being on the side-line with my brother out there ain't sitting right with me." Merle slurred out to her, looking her over as he glanced between the lot of us. His words made my blood boil. Did he think he was the only one with family out there? Rick was out there and Hershel, they had family too.

"My husband's out there Merle," I warned to him gaining his attention as his eyes left Michonne and landed on me. "Rick's a father and a husband. Maggie and Beth have Hershel out there. I know you worry about Daryl but he can hold his own. He doesn't need his brother to take care of him anymore," I paused wondering if I should say what I wanted and knew that Merle needed to hear it. "He's done it before, he can do it again."

"You listen hear you –"

"The three of them are right in the middle of it. No idea we're coming. They could get taken hostage or killed. A thousand things could go wrong." Glenn interrupted before Merle could get his no doubt hateful words out to me.

"And they will." Merle told him straightening up as he tried to make himself more intimidating.

"My dad can take care of himself." Carl stated his voice showing the confidence he felt that his dad could take care of himself. Rick had proven that many times before. I felt proud at the confidence Carl had in Rick.

"Sorry son, but your dad's head could be on a pike real soon." Merle called out to him as Carl walked away.

"Merle!" I warned, noting the hesitation in Carl's walk, watched as he turned back to give Merle a nasty look before going on his way.

"Don't say that to him." Maggie advised and I felt thankful that there was someone else out there that would help fight off Merle's stupid, hateful words that could hurt someone more than the dick thought.

"It's not the right move. Not now. Can't take the risk of putting them in the crossfire. That's my decision. It's final." Glenn's final words were left ringing through the communal area as he left to work in the fences. I watched as Merle turned away, going back into his cell, snorting at words that Glenn last spoke. I exchanged a look between Maggie and Michonne before glancing back down to the list on weapons we had registered the day before.

* * *

About twenty minutes later Merle was muttering to himself while Maggie walked into the cell block to talk to Beth, who had returned and wanted to check with Theo. I had determined that the boy had come under a cold – not the greatest time to have one but we weren't living in the best of places. It wasn't too bad, Beth was keeping an eye on him at her insistence and we were checking his temperature and keeping him wrapped up. Beth wanted to move his basinet out of the cell and away from Judy but I told that if it was going to be passed onto her she'd already have it.

I glanced over to Merle as he paced in front of the table of guns before turning on the spot, mumbling under his breath again. I gave him one last look before going back to my notes.

_Two boxes of ammo – loading dock._

_Two boxes of ammo – catwalk._

_Sniper hole – gate around main entrance. Should place two on cate walk. Also have them along the fence._

The sound of guns being shoved into a bag had me looking up to see Merle stuffing them into a black duffle. I glanced around seeing that Maggie had stepped back into the room sharing the same look as me.

"Hey, you're not going." Glenn called out to him as he pulled the gate shut behind him, his rifle in his hand.

"I don't need permission." Merle replied continuing to stuff the bag without bothering to look at Glenn. I set the pen on top of the pad, pushing off my seat and standing up, resting my hands lightly on the table. I could sense the tension between them.

"I can't let you."

"You can't stop me." Merle went on and I caught Michonne entering the room from the corner of my eye, but kept my main focus on Merle.

"If you're gonna live here with us, it's gonna be on our terms." Maggie said to him but Merle grabbed the bag, turning away from her. I stepped closer to him then, knowing that if I could I would have to convince him from doing something stupid. "If Michonne can do it, why can't you?" Maggie yelled at him knowing that it would get to Merle – comparing him to Michonne.

"'Cause it's my brother out there, that's why." Merle shouted at her, turning back to look at the woman. I took that as my queue to stop him from getting closer to the stairs, sliding around him, placing myself between Merle and the stairs and eventually Glenn who stood at the top of the stairs, rifle raised. "What's the matter with y'all?" he spun around then, stopping when he saw me blocking his way but only stalled for a few seconds before walking up to me.

"Don't you think we understand how you're feeling?" I asked him taking the steps up backwards as Merle kept pressing forward. There was no way I'd be able to stop him physically but I could try and persuaded him to stop. "My husband's out there, Carl's father, Maggie's father. Don't you think we want to rush out there as well and help them?" I could feel Glenn's heat against my back now as I stumbled at the last step. "But we can't, not without hurting them. Would you rather you hurt Daryl than help him?" By Merle's look I could tell that my words hadn't helped and with a look over his shoulder at Maggie I stepped to the side, pressing myself against the railing as Merle eyed up Glenn. I felt like I was in a 'who's the manliest sandwich' as I stood between the two.

"I'm not gonna let you put them in danger." Glenn said to Merle in a low, intimidating voice. In his voice then you heard how dedicated and how much Glenn loved this family and he wouldn't let someone like Merle Dixon break us apart.

"Nut up already, boy. This guy cops a feel of your woman and you pussy out like this? Get out of my way." Merle's voice was as hard as Glenn's and there was no doubt that this man wanted to get out.

"No." the words were stern and I almost chuckled at how much Glenn had changed since the beginning of all this. His change was just like Rick's, just like Carl's.

"Get out of my way!" Merle tackled Glenn, both of them rolling down the stairs, pulling me down with them as they fought each other. A ringing in my ears and sudden pain to the side of my head had me blinking stars away as I tried to shake off the fuzzy images that crossed my eyes. I could hear the thudding of my heart and feel the aching in my body, each hit from the stairs fresh and throbbing but none of that compared to the sting on my head. I could tell from the warmth running down the left side of my face that I must have cracked my head against the stairs or the railing as Glenn and Merle went at it.

One single shot fired out in the room but it rang in my head for what felt forever. I was trying to blink away the ringing of the shot when a warm hand settled on my shoulder. Blinking away at the image it took a couple of seconds before Michonne's face came into view, Maggie standing behind her looking worried.

"Let's get you up," Michonne mumbled helping me as I stumbled to my feet before leading me to my cell.

"Beth!" Maggie called out to her sister and as I glanced at the elder Greene girl I saw her holding cotton pads, disinfectant and thread. "Bethy, we need you!"

Michonne nudged me into one of the chairs as Beth came out of my cell, her eyes widening as she took in my head before rushing over to us. Her fingers snatched the cotton pads from Maggie, dabbing them with disinfectant before the cool sting of alcohol seeped into my wound.

"It's not too deep but it'll need stitches," Beth announced to a still worried looking Maggie and an emotionless Michonne.

"Can you do it?" Maggie questioned glancing at her sister carefully, receiving a nod as Beth took the thread from her, cutting it with her knife and then threading the string through the needle.

"Hold still," Beth warned her fingers brushing my hair out of the way as she pierced the needle into my skin causing me to hiss through clenched teeth. It hurt like a bitch, I had forgotten how much it hurt to have stiches without any pain meds. "You'll only need four, but you'll have to cover it. The twins might pull at them by accident," she added knowing that the two of them had no control over their hands and they tended to hit people in the face when they cried out.

"There was a lot of blood," Maggie whispered and I could hear the concern in her voice. I glanced over to her, seeing her slightly pale face before chuckling at her words.

"Head wounds always bleed worse than others. There's a lot of blood vessels close to the surface of the skin around the face and scalp, minor cuts tend to bleed like this." I explained to her as Beth stepped back announcing that she had finished she I could now get a better look of the cell block. Carl was stood next to Michonne a worried look on his face much like Maggie's but I knew Michonne must have said something to him because he looked confident that I was okay. "Just make sure I don't sleep for the next couple of hours," I joked but letting them know at the same time that falling asleep might be a bad idea.

"Dad's gonna be so mad," Carl muttered receiving a round of laughter from me, Beth and aggie even though we knew Carl was right. Rick would not be too impressed.

* * *

Nana had always taught me the best of manners when being brought up such as not listening in on others conversations, but could you really blame me when Merle started up a conversation with Michonne just outside my cell? I think the two of they forgot I was even here considering the other went out into the yard after everything that went on. Plus they couldn't see me as I feed Judith because the sheet covering the cell was constantly in place.

"Me and my brother, we have a few calls we use when we hunt. I'll give him a heads up. He'll warn the others. You shogun the Governor's ass, I'll take care of the rest. We'll be home before you know it." Merle Dixon sure as hell had some confidence shoved so far up his rear end it was a wonder he had actually made it this far.

"And what about Andrea?" there was concern in Michonne voice and I believed then that she was one of us. If she truly didn't care then she wouldn't have thought about the woman she had spent the winter with if she no longer cared.

"Bullets fly, she's gonna have to make her choice real quick." Merle answered giving her what he thought she wanted to hear. If I was Michonne that answer wouldn't leave em feeling confident with this man's plan. I was afraid I would alert them to my presence as I waited for Michonne to reply. Whatever her reply – this would decide if she really was one of us.

"You're on your own." She mumble dot him, my heart fluttering with delight at her words. "You get people killed, it's on you." I heard her walking away and slowly stood, looking down at a sleeping Judith before pulling my camisole up to cover my breast before slipping out the cell, glancing over at Merle as he leant against the wall having not moved.

"You underestimate us Merle," I told him, resting my back against the wall as I observed him carefully. I could see his eyes as they dropped to Judith but ignored the look as I took in a deep breath. "We're a lot stronger than you think. Do you think we could have made it this far if we weren't? For months we were on the road while I was pregnant with hardly any shelter to our backs. When we found this prison we managed to take it. Weak people wouldn't have been able to do that."

"You're not killers, I said that already," he drawled out repeating his words as if I hadn't heard them when he spoke with Michonne. I chuckled at his words, the bitter tone behind it making me should crazed no doubt.

"We're all killers," I mumbled to him remembering the men I had killed, the man Maggie had killed. Tony and Dave, Shane – all the people we had killed to stay alive. "Maggie's killed. Rick's killed. Hershel's killed," I could remember the man he'd shot and left for dead in town after Dave and Tony's deaths. "Hell even Carl's killed. Do you think it was easy for him to shot at Shane? He may have reanimated after Rick killed him but to Carl that was still Shane."

"You got the guts to kill a man? You think you can do it?" Merle questioned stepping away from the way, his arms crossed as he analysed me. I shook my head at him not liking the idea of shooting at the living. His smirk made it clear that he thought he had won this discussion, as he turned on his heel taking a step towards the communal area.

"I don't need to think about it Merle," I called after him, stopping him in his tracks as he turned back to face me an unreadable look on his face. "I've already done it. I've killed a man, I've killed four men and I'd sure as hell do it again if it meant protecting my family." I said to him before turning away and slipping passed the sheet back into my cell placing Judith down in her bassinet.

* * *

"Are you okay?" Rick asked stepping into our cell his hand coming to rest under my chin as he lifted my head to the remaining light. "Carl said–"

"I'm fine," I assured him cutting him off before he could work himself into a frenzy. "It's nothing. I promise, I shouldn't have tried to stop Merle, it's my own fault." I mumbled resting my hands on his cheeks, tilting his head around making sure he didn't return with any marks or bruises. "Are you fine?"

"I'm fine," he whispered leaning down to brush his lips against mine before sighing and placing his head on mine gently, minding the stitching on my head. "I gotta talk to the group,"

"Okay," I whispered letting him take my hand as he led me out to the waiting group as they huddled around in the cell block. Rick gave my hand a squeeze before letting go and standing in front of the stairs, looking out at everyone. I rested beside Carol, brushing her shoulder as her fingers looped with mine giving them a slight tug which I took to be comfort of some type.

"So, I met this Governor." Rick announced nodding his head as he tried to supply us with what we wanted to know. "Sat with him for quite a while." Even as he spoke he had one hand resting on his belt while the other clutched onto his rifle like it was his lifeline.

"Just the two of you?" Merle asked pushing off the wall he was leaning against.

"Yeah."

"Should have gone when we had the chance, bro." He said to Glenn walking passed him and behind the rest of the group. I couldn't tell where he was going but I didn't care as I kept my eyes on Rick wanting to know more.

"He wants the prison. He wants us gone. Dead. He wants us dead for what we did to Woodbury." The room filled with tension at his words, the group was feeling many different things and I could felt them all radiating around the room. It was almost the same with everyone – panic, fear and determination. This is what we had been preparing for. "We're going to war." The words were strong and clear and they meant what they meant. Rick glanced to me before walking away from the group, leaving us to think about his words. I glanced after him wanting to go to but not knowing if I should.

No one spoke. There was a kind of silence that settled around us. Acceptance. Acceptance of what was going to happen. It was always a possibility and now we knew for sure. This might not be our home for longer. We could be on the road again, fighting for survival, not knowing what we came across around each corner.

"We need to hit them first before they even get here!" Merle called out gaining everyone's attention as he stepped forward the rifle in his hands raised slightly as if he was ready to use it. I glanced around the room trying to see what the lot of them were thinking. I saw Michonne nodded along with him and remember what she had said to Merle earlier that day. For some reason I couldn't help but think she didn't want the war to reach our doorstep – she wanted to protect everyone here.

"We could just leave," Carol begged beside me trying to get the others to agree with her. It would be best for us to leave really and Rick had already planned for us to leave. "Hershel would you want your girls here? Staying to fight our on the road away from this war we're going to find ourselves in?" she asked the elder man and I knew that whatever he thought mostly everyone here would listen.

"Going on the road would ensure all of us leaving here alive," he mumbled as he glanced to the woman beside me. But this wasn't up to us to decide. Rick had the final say in it whether we agreed with him or not. He was our leader at the end of the day and he'd gotten us this far. And we all knew what he said was it.

"We need to talk to Rick," I muttered over the group as they all discussed what we'd be doing. Glenn and Maggie were muttering to each other softly and I could see Kelly and Amy arguing as Beth stood beside them watching. "I don't think it's up to us to decide," I added looking to Hershel wanting to know if I was right. A slight nod of his head assured me that I was.

Carol's fingers slipped from mine as she joined Kelly, Beth and Amy, adding her thoughts to the conversation while Michonne listened to Glenn and he spoke to Maggie. I glanced to Carl only to realise that he wasn't there. My heart sped up at the thought of him disappearing but a nod from Daryl in the direction Rick had left had it settling as the hunter calmed my fears. He must have gone after his dad – something I had not done.

"Come with me," Hershel's voice was demanding but soft at the same time as he broke me from my thoughts. I glanced at the man before nodding my head looking at the rest of the group before following him out of the cell block and through the communal area. He stopped outside a door – the door that led to the catwalk before taking a deep breath and pushing it open as if it was the heaviest thing in the world.

"The group's taking it as well as can be expected." Hershel called out and at first I thought he was talking to me again until my eyes settled on Rick as he leant against the fence. "Merle and Michonne are convinced we should hit first. Carol and I think we should take our chances on the road. We're in this together. So if we stay and fight, so be it." Hershel told him and I knew it was what Rick needed to hear.

"He gave me a choice." Rick said after a few seconds of silence – well of moaning from the walkers down by the fence. I glanced at him as I stood behind the two men, leaning my back against the fence as I watched them. I felt like I was intruding, like Hershel could do a better job at convincing Rick what needed to be done. "A way out." Rick's eyes fell on me then and I saw the comfort sink into his expression as they roamed my face. Maybe he needed me here more than I thought.

"What does he want?" Hershel questioned perhaps thinking it best of he took the led here with Rick. Rick looked to the elder man before glancing down at the walkers roaming the fence before looking back at Hershel.

"Michonne." His reply was simple but the idea of giving her up didn't sit well with me. She was a good woman. A woman that had lost too much in this world and needed us. I couldn't let him give her up.

"Rick no," I started taking a step forward only to be cut of as Hershel said what we all knew.

"He'll kill her."

"And then kill us anyway." Rick was bitter, his words sounding sour and so unlike him as they slipped from his mouth. After all he had gone through eh was willing to let someone die to save the rest of us. That wasn't how we lived. We didn't sacrifice people. "What if he doesn't? What if this is the answer?"

"We don't sacrifice the living," I whispered seeing him flinch at my words but not bothering to turn around and face me like a man. At least he knew he was thinking about something that was wrong.

"Why didn't you tell them?" Hershel asked giving me a look that stated he agreed with my words. Michonne had been pulling her weight around here, she belonged here.

"They need to be scared." Rick told him but all my husband had to do was look in that cell block and see how scared they all were. Giving up Michonne wouldn't change that. If he just told them they'd understand. They'd still be scared. Only this time they'd be scared for Michonne as well as themselves.

"They are." Hershel mumbled and it felt like the man was reading my mind.

"Good. 'Cause that's the only way they'll accept it."

"She saved my life. And Carl's. Glenn, Maggie-if she hadn't come here, we never would have known they were taken. She's earned her place." The fight Hershel was going through to keep her here was enough proof that she had earned her place. Why would he fight for someone who wasn't one of us?

"She is one of us Rick," I told him stepping back until I was resting against the fence again. "You heard it from Carl's mouth," if Carl was willing to call her one of us then it must have been true. After the world turned to shit Carl's trusting of other's wasn't very … let's just say if Carl trusted her then we should trust her.

"Yeah. Yeah, she has." Rick's approval didn't sound very convincing. "Are you willing to sacrifice your daughters' lives for her?" he questioned Hershel and I didn't want him to ask me the same question about the twins. As a mother I wouldn't be able to answer that without thinking about those two innocent babies asleep. I knew I was wrong but if I had to choose …

"Why are you telling me?" Hershel asked in return but I could hear the same tone in his voice that I would have in mine. He would give her up. If it was to save Maggie and Beth, he'd give her up. But I don't know if I could. She was one of us. That meant she was family. I would never give up family.

 


	35. Chapter 35

"Is he okay?" Rick asked the concern in his voice leaking through as he sat up in the bed watching me as I sat by his feet pulling the sick covered onesie off of Theo's body as he cried out. Since yesterday afternoon and his little sick incident with Beth the boy had been sick three more times and had now woken both me and Rick up to an early start of the day.

"He's fine," I grumbled yawning as sleep tried to call me back to bed but I sook it of as I rested my hand under Theo's neck, bringing his bare body to mine, feeling the heat in his skin. The poor little guy was sick, Hershel said he must have a fever last night when he came to see him after Beth wouldn't stop talking about how he threw upon her.

"He's just been sick," Rick pointed out as if it was something more than it was. I chuckled at his words before grabbing the clean blanket left in the bassinet, having thrown the sick covered one on the floor. I wrapped the little boy in the blanket so I wasn't leaving him in just his diaper.

"He'll be fine," I assured him getting up off the bed before looking at Rick as he rested his shirt clad back against the wall, propping the pillow up behind him. "Here hold him while I go and get his bottle," I mumbled placing the baby gently in his arms before rushing out of the cell and into the communal area. I smiled when my eyes settled in the three bottles already made up knowing Beth must have been responsible. They'd be used before this morning, two being drunk by Theo while Judith had the third. Her second feed of the morning would be formula just like her second to last feed in the evening. "Here ya go," I handed him the bottle making it clear he was to feed Theo.

He raised his brow at me but took the bottle without complaint and pushed the teat into the boy's mouth smiling as he sucked down the formula. I watched them for a few more seconds thinking it weird to see Rick looking so domesticated sat there feeding a baby before shaking my head and slipping my shirt off, exposing my bare chest to the cell. I was thankful Rick had decided to leave the sheet up that was hiding us from the cell block. I could feel his eyes on me then and glanced at him to see his eyes trailing over my body, his eyes resting on my exposed chest before flicking up to look at my eyes.

"Good mornin'," he drawled out his voice sounding huskier than when he spoke earlier. I could stop the cheesy smile as it spread across my lips, rolling my eyes at his actions. Even through all this shit he was still a man when it came to the naked woman.

"Keep your eyes on your son," I warned him lightly grabbing the bra from the make-shift table we'd made the toilets into and hooking it into place, slipping the straps up my arms before grabbing one of my camisoles and slipping it on before shrugging my arms into one of Rick's button ups.

"You know, you keep stealing my shirts I'll have nothing to wear," he pointed out glancing and the red and blue checked button up I had slipped on. I ran my hands down the shirt before peeking at him and the low neckline of the shirt he was wearing now.

"I think I could get used to that," I mumbled leaning down to place a kiss on his head before turning away and tugging some jeans on, jumping into them when they stuck to my skin.

"Looks like you painted them on," he grumbled out nodding towards the jeans I was currently buttoning up. "Can you even move in them?" he questioned his eyes running down the length of my leg – which wasn't much considering I was small, but I liked to consider my legs as long.

"Enough to kick your ass," I replied giving him a smirk as he raised one brow giving me a smirk in return. "I'm gonna wake up Carl, get him to help me make breakfast," I informed him glancing down at a sleeping Judith before slipping passed the sheet.

* * *

"You know his plan?" Hershel asked as we sat at the table giving the twins their second feed for the day. Judith was clutching hold of the shirt I was wearing no doubt smelling her daddy while Hershel was taking over Theo's feed demanding Beth gave him the baby when she came in with him. I shook my head at his words glancing down at Judith as she finished her bottle and just gazed up at me. I placed the bottle on the table, bring her up to my shoulder, rubbing at her back. "Do you think it's best if we leave?" I sighed as I glanced at him knowing it was harder for me to make that decision. I know he had Maggie and Beth to think about but I had Carl and the twins – it was harder to make the decision on where they would die.

"I'd feel better knowing they had this place but with the thought of the Governor coming here to take it away from us I'd rather we'd take our chances on the road. I'm not sure which would be giving my children longer to live, I _can't_ decide." I stressed to the man pressing my lips to the side of Judith's head as I kept her resting on my shoulder.

"No one would blame you for your choice," he sighed and I understood then that he must have been having the same difficulties choosing as well. This place guaranteed safety while we stood here protecting it whereas the outside world didn't. We didn't know how long we'd be out there before someone died. I only nodded at his words not finding anything I return to say but found that we both enjoyed the silence we were left in.

"You're taking on the grandpa roll really well daddy," Maggie called out as she entered the cell block with Glenn coming back in from outside as she teased her father, placing a kiss on his cheek as she took a seat at the table beside us.

"I suppose I do," Hershel replied a large smile on his face as Theo let out a burp followed by a trail of sick dropping on the man's shoulder. "Thank you," he muttered to the boy running his hand over his back as if he didn't mind, but I suppose being a father himself that sort of stuff didn't bother you in this world.

"Got yourself a charmer there Fay," Glenn teased the hard steel that was ever present in his eyes gone as he gazed down at the boy.

"Well he's your godson, maybe you can influence his ways," I replied the jokey tone much like his but my words had him freezing as he stood behind Maggie.

"What?" he asked his voice shaky almost as if he wasn't sure what I had said. I looked at him in confusion then realised I never actually got round to tell him or Maggie that they were Theo's godparents.

"Right you don't know," I mumbled glancing between the couple before smiling brightly at them and giving a small chuckle. "Rick and I decided on godparents the other day, well actually it was more me and Carl, Rick just agreed with us." I went on as if I needed to explain to them the process of our choice. "Anyway you and Maggie, we decided to make you two Theodore's godparents," they both stayed silent at my words and I was afraid that maybe they didn't want that responsibility. At the end of the day it meant that they would be the ones responsible for Theo if anything happened to Rick or me. "You don't have to, it doesn't–"

"No!" Maggie exclaimed startling both babies in the room before giving me an apologetic smile. "We'd love to," she added softer looking to the boy in her father's arms before reaching over and taking Theo from him, holding the baby close to her chest. Glenn stood closer behind her, resting one hand on her shoulder while the other brushed across Theo's dark hair.

"Who's Judith's?" Glenn asked glancing to the girl in my arms before looking down to the baby in Maggie's hold. I always knew that there would be a special bond between Glenn and Theo. I'd seen it as soon as Glenn saw the boy.

"Bethy," Hershel supplied the same smile on his face as he watched his daughter holding Theo.

"And Daryl," I added watching their reactions at the news. Maggie looked up with both brows raised while Glenn had a small smirk on his face.

"How'd he take the news?" Glenn questioned carefully but I knew he wished he had been there.

"Rather well," Carl answered him stepping into the cell block, his hair ruffled as he held the sheriff's hat in his hand as he joined us at the table.

"I think he'd dubbed himself her godfather anyway," I mumbled remembering the man's reaction when I asked him if he'd be Judy's godfather. "Was calm when I told him, just took her form my arms, looked down at her and smile. Said 'You know I'll always protect 'Lil Ass Kicker' and then handed her back to me and wandered off," I told them not forgetting the man's words or actions at the news.

"It was so unlike Daryl," Carl muttered resting his head against the table, fiddling with the sheets of paper that still rested on the table that held our plans.

"He's got a new responsibility," Maggie supplied looking down at Theo in her arms before looking back up, her eyes looking to Glenn as he shifted behind her. "We all have,"

"We need to get our plan straightened out," he ordered softly taking the seat beside Maggie, pulling the sheets of paper closer to him as he went over the details. I shared a glance with Hershel knowing what he knew and not sure what Rick would do.

* * *

I was watching him as he climbed out of the bed, pulling on his jacket as he shifted around the room carefully not wanting to make any noise. He'd gotten up as soon as light filtered through the cell block, rousing from his sleep and slipping from the bed with a single kiss to my head. I'd woken as soon as his heat left me, being a light sleeper since the twins arrived. I watched as he dressed, not making a sound wondering if he was going to let himself have a break.

"Do you know what you're doing?" I whispered drawing his attention to me as he slide his colt into his holster and slid the hunting knife into his belt on the opposite side.

"Going on watch," he explained as if it was obvious what he was doing up so early. I shook my head at his words, pushing up so I was sitting on the bed looking up at him with wide, fearful eyes. I wasn't stupid, he knew what I was talking about.

"I meant Michonne," I added softly not wanting to press him on his choice but I needed to know. I had to know. He only shook his head as a reply before stepping over to the two bassinets, glancing down at the twins before sighing deeply and slipping out of the cell, the sheet blowing after him. I repeated his sigh, dropping down on the bed, looking up at the cracked ceiling. This was too hard. Today was the day he had to meet with the Governor again. I wasn't sure what his plan was but he'd made it clear the meeting was at noon. For all I knew Michonne could have till noon to live.

* * *

Rick had been talking to Hershel when I left the cell block with Judith in my arms. Glenn, Michonne, Daryl and Carol were out passed the gat down in the field setting up road block spike and traps to make the Governor's journey to the cell block harder. It had been Michonne idea. The thought of the woman trying her best to help us when Rick was debating selling her out had my stomach lurching. Maggie and Carl were between the two lower fences causing a distraction with pots and pans, smacking the metal against metal to draw the walkers to them and away from the foursome as they drove around, dropping off wooden infested with spikes.

"I don't like you having her outside," Rick's voice startled me from behind as I didn't hear him coming but I gave him a smile none the less as I lifted my eyes from the group in the field.

"She's fine, we're fine," I told him lifting one hand to point at the pallets in front of me and the metal filing cabinets at the side. "We can't be seen, Daryl made sure." He went to open his mouth no doubt to reply but the car making its way up the drive towards the gate had him rushing over to slide it open, allowing them through without a wait.

"They try to drive up to the gate again, maybe some blown tires will stop them." Glenn explained to him as if Rick was wondering what they were doing out in the field. We didn't go out there unless we needed to. I watched them all carefully as they climbed out of the car, Carol smiling over to me as she gave a slight wave. I smiled back in response but looked back to Rick when we replied to Glenn's words.

"That's a good idea."

"It was Michonne's." Daryl told him making me frown when I took note of his tone. He was telling Rick something without actually saying it. I looked to Rick hoping to get an explanation only for my husband to look away from me a hint of shame in his eyes. He'd already made up his decision, he was giving her up and Daryl knew.

"We don't have to win." Michonne said as she leant against the car a small smile on her face as she looked to Rick and the others. "We just have to make their getting at us more trouble than it's worth." Glenn nodded his head before turning his attention to Maggie as she and Carl joined us the pots hanging in their hands, smiles gracing their faces.

"Hey." Maggie called out, pressing a kiss to Glenn's lips as he reached out for her. Rick glanced at Carl, resting his hand on the boy's shoulder before pushing him forward towards the prison.

"Let's go." He ordered softly letting Carol and Michonne led the way into the cell block sharing a glance with Daryl as he walked beside Carl. I sighed as I shook my head. How could he expect everyone to be okay with this when he hadn't even told them? This needed to be a group decision not just down to him. I knew he hated feeling responsibly for the deaths of others but he would be responsible for Michonne's death if he handed her over.

* * *

"You're giving her up aren't you?" I hissed at him as he sat on the bed in our cell looking at his hands as if they were the most fantastic thing in the world. "Rick you can't do that, you–"

"What other option do we have?" he asked in a monotone voice that left no room for the feelings he was experiencing in that moment. It was a tough decision but he didn't need to make it. I sighed in frustration, settling Judith down in the bassinet beside her brother before stepping in front of the man I called my husband.

"We don't have to go with this option!" I spat at him not caring if anyone else heard our conversation because this was beyond Rick's decision. "I don't choose this!"

"It's not your choice to make," he mumbled standing from the bed, giving me this heart shattering look that had me wanting to cry then but I sucked in a breath holding back the tears. I went to reach out to him but froze when he pushed passed me, leaving me alone with the twins. He didn't need to do this alone but he would because that was who he was.

* * *

"Dad wants to speak with the group outside," Carl told me slipping passed the sheet as he looked to me as I lay on the bed, looking up at the cracked ceiling. My eyes were sore from the crying I had done once Rick had left and I knew they would be red from the times I rubbed at them, trying to rid the tears as they rolled down my cheeks. I glanced to the boy, sighing deeply as I pushed up off the bed and pulled the jacket over my shirt, zipping it up halfway.

"Get Theo for me?" I asked the boy nodding down to his little brother as I picked up Judith wrapping her in a blanket to keep her warm. He nodded, copying my actions by wrapping Theo in a blanket before picking him up carefully and cradling him in his arms. "Let's go," I mumbled gesturing to the cell block letting him lead the way.

Everyone was waiting besides Merle, Michonne, Daryl, Glenn and Maggie. I glanced around the yard sighing in relief as I saw Glenn and Maggie making their way over, hands entwined. Looking down at Carl I noticed the absence of Theo, frowning slightly until my eyes settled on Carol holding the boy a little away from everyone else. I joined her, sitting on the bench next to her, holding Judith tightly in my arms as I looked up to the man that had me crying for the last couple of hours.

"When I met with the Governor, he offered me a deal." Rick started when he was sure everyone had his attention. Was he really going to tell them about the deal now? After he had actually gone through with it? "He said- he said he would leave us alone if I gave him Michonne." From the looks plastered across the group's faces I could see the disappointment they held at their leader's words. My eyes settled on Carl as he dropped his head, looking away from his dad. It was like he was ashamed of Rick's actions. "And I was gonna do that... to keep us safe." Maggie and Glenn glanced at each other sharing the same look. They had thought Michonne was family as well and I knew they didn't understand why he'd given her up. "I changed my mind. But now Merle took Michonne to fulfil the deal and Daryl went to stop him and I don't know if it's too late." My heart fluttered at his words and I felt pleased that he had changed his mind that he hadn't given someone else up to live. "I was wrong not to tell you. And I'm sorry." He paused then a slight hitch to his voice as he glanced around at us all before sighing deeply, nodding his head. "What I said last year that first night after the farm... it can't be like that. It can't. What we do, what we're willing to do, who we are, it's not my call. It can't be. I couldn't sacrifice one of us for the greater good because we are the greater good. We're the reason we're still here, not me. This is life and death. How you live... how you die- it isn't up to me. I'm not your Governor. _We_ choose to go. _We_ choose to stay. We stick together. We vote. We can stay and we can fight or we can go." The tone of his voice was meaningful giving us all something to think about. This was _our_ fight, _our_ decision. Before anyone could say anything Rick walked away leaving us to think about his words. I sighed, sharing a look with Hershel before nodding my head slightly. As parents we'd do anything to protect our children.

* * *

Michonne was back. Merle had let her go and Daryl went after him and didn't want anyone coming after him. She assured Kelly that Daryl was fine the last she saw of him and that Daryl would be fine. When Rick returned back to the communal area it was with Michonne, the man looking happy that she had returned as wasn't turned over to the Governor like we feared.

That had been five minutes ago. No one said a word to Rick as he walked over to my side, taking Theo from Beth and sitting down beside me, taking the bottle the blonde handed him. Carol, Glenn and Maggie smiled to Michonne, their way of saying they were happy she was here while Hershel gave her a nod as she leant against the wall taking us all in.

"We talked while you were on watch," Glenn started gaining Rick's attention before looking to Hershel wanting the older man to explain.

"We're going stay and fight," Hershel announced confirming what we had all agreed to as we made our decision. This is what we wanted. We wanted to stay here, we needed to stay here.

"It's not gonna be that simple," Rick sighed only repeating words we had muttered between ourselves before. I glanced at the others, feeling their eyes on me and sighed, nodding at them knowing that if Rick would listen, it would be me that would have to convince him.

"We know that," I told him patting Judith's bum lightly as she let out a little whine as I stopped rocking her. "We've got a plan."

* * *

I brushed my fingers across his beard as he held onto me, holding me tight against him as he rested on the bed knowing that our moment of silence would be over soon. I liked the scruff on his face, liked the way the bristles tickled my face but also loving the way it made him looked rugged and dangerous. Maybe that wasn't a good thing but it still made me happy knowing he looked dangerous. If he looked dangerous it might lower the risk of the others out there wanting to attack. Although that wasn't stopping the Governor.

"We gotta go," he grumbled out running his hand over my back before pushing forward so he was no longer leaning against the wall. I nodded at his words pushing myself off of him, standing in the cell and looking around. There was nothing of ours in here anymore, having cleared it earlier just as everyone else cleared their own cells. We had to make it look like we were leaving.

It was part of our plan. Clear out the cell block and communal area so it appeared we had all left. We took Maggie's idea of placing dead walkers around the prison to look like snipers, even placing them in the guard towers but had taken Merle's advice as well. When the others fought they'd avoid the guard towers because we now knew thanks to Merle that the Governor would blow them up to eliminate the threat to him and his people.

Everyone was out in the yard packing the last few things into the cars before we would leave. We'd be leaving the cars out in the woods to hide them from view but Rick, Daryl, Michonne, Kelly, Maggie, Carol and Glenn would be going back to the prison to fight the Governor and his people. Hershel, Beth, Amy, Carl, the twins and I would be staying in the woods to stop any Woodbury lot from escaping.

"Carl." Rick called to the boy grabbing arm only for Carl to shake him off, glaring at him as he went to pack his bag in the car.

"Just leave him Rick," I muttered to the man as he went to take a step after him but instead walking off to check the engine of one of the cars to distract himself. I sighed following him, resting my hand on his back as I leant against the car beside him. "He'll be okay,"

"I've never seen him this mad." Glenn side whispered to us as Carl walked back into the prison, all three of our eyes on him as he went. "Even with the Andrew thing, when you left and the thought of Fay being dead. He just shut down."

"He's still a kid." Rick mumbled looking to Glenn as he spoke but I knew he was thinking the same thing. Carl wasn't himself anymore. He wanted revenge on the Governor, he wanted to fight. But he was still a child. He needed to be protected and that's why Rick was sending him with us into the woods. "It's easy to forget."

"We all forget," I added knowing that sometimes I forgot that Carl was still a child because of the way he acted. Glenn only nodded before looking off into the distance and then leaving, walking away from me and Rick, leaving the two of us to think our thoughts alone.

"I'm gonna check everything's clear," he muttered wiping his hands on a rag before pressing his lips to mine gently. "Get ready to leave,"

* * *

Once we had settled in the woods, Rick made it clear that we wouldn't be coming back to the prison until we were absolutely certain that it was safe and he had given Amy the job to act as scout and guard while she stayed out here with us. We would only be going back to the prison on Amy's word as she would be staying in the treeline, keeping an eye on things. If it looked like the Governor had won, she'd rush to us and get us out of here, to safety.

"You'll be fine," Rick assured me trying to stop the tears that wanted to spill as he said goodbye without actually saying goodbye. "Keep the twins in the van, it'll be safer for them."

"I will," I whispered running my fingers over his beard like this morning as I cupped his cheeks, pulling his face closer to mine. "Promise me you'll come back," I begged knowing it was a promise he wouldn't be able to make.

"I'll try," he promised pressing his lips to mine, sucking my bottom lip between his teeth as he deepened the kiss. Before I could retaliate and respond to him he pulled away, resting his head against mine, running his fingers over my face lightly. "I love you,"

"I love you as well," I mumbled letting the tears fall freely now as he pulled away, leaving without a glance back at me. A sob racked through me as I watched half our family leave us with the possibility that they might not return. Beth's warm hand on my shoulder was enough for me to know that she felt the same way.

* * *

The first sign that we had to alert us to the Governor's presence was the loud blasting as what sounded like a bomb went off. A shared glance with Hershel had us grabbing our guns the others had left us with and walking to the small wooden barricade Daryl had built out of fallen trees. Another blasting sound had Carl stepping forward, his gun raised as he took a position in front of me in a protective stance. It should have been the other way round. Me standing in front of him to protect him.

"Keep alert," Hershel ordered as he rested against the barricade to keep his balance. We all nodded at his words, looking in the direction of the prison, keeping alert like Hershel said, ready to stop anyone that posed a threat to us.


	36. Chapter 36

The echoes ran through the tombs but we could hear them from out here and they were torturing us, well me but I was sure the others felt the same way. It was almost like I could picture what was going to happen. The alarms were blaring alongside the blaring cascade of bullets ringing out.

Carol would get bit or accidentally shot in the tombs when setting the walkers on the Woodbury soldiers, they would shoot out at first glance of the walkers and she might accidentally get shot in the process. They'd run the hell out of there wanting to get out of dodge which would take them back to the yard where Maggie and Glenn would be waiting. I could see them getting shot at as well, as the Woodbury fighters fired at will scared out of their minds. One bullet through the head would be all it took to finish their lives. And then there was the Governor – when he'd stumble across Rick or Michonne he wouldn't hesitate to kill them. But I wasn't sure it would be a bullet to the head, more like a bullet to the heart to ensure that they turned into something they'd hate and what we'd fear.

"I should be there," Carl muttered beside me as he stepped forward, looking toward the direction that the prison was in. I frowned at him shaking my head but knew it would be pointless to say anything to him. I had seen how he was this morning when he was told he had to stay here. This wasn't a fight I wanted him involved in. I glanced over to Hershel sharing the same thoughts with him in one look and smiled lightly at Beth as she huddled under her father's arm.

My eyes glanced passed the father and daughter, over to the minivan where my two precious children waited. They hadn't made a sound since we came out here, the small drive drifting them off to sleep and they had stayed sleeping throughout the wait. Soon, I was hoping, we'd all be back with their daddy, this fight over.

The snapping of branches being crushed had me snapping my head back in the direction of the prison just in time to see a young boy – he wasn't much older than Carl – stumbling out of the woods before us, rifle in his arms.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't shoot." He begged calling out when both Hershel and Carl raised their guns, aiming them at the boy.

"Drop the weapon, son." Hershel ordered keeping his gun raised but pushing Beth back behind him as he spoke. I wanted to do the same thing with Carl but I knew the boy would not stand for it.

"Sure. Here, take it." He mumbled lifting the gun up, the weapon not pointed in our direction as he offered it to us. I looked at him seeing that he was still a child, a child that was scared and no clue what he was doing.

"Okay," I sighed stepping forward as the boy looked around unsure of what we were planning to do but willing to give up his weapon. "We can sort this –" a shot rang out interrupting my words and ending the life of the boy in front of me. My breath came out in shaky breaths as I took an attentive step towards the body lying on the floor before I spun around to look at my son. "What the hell Carl!" I spat out not knowing how I should react to this. My son had just killed a confused and possible innocent (being manipulated by the Governor made him innocent) boy. "You just – you – I – Carl you can't – we – I …"

"We need to go back," Amy announced climbing through the thicket of bushes before making her appearance as she stumbled over a log, her rifle held tightly in her hands as she glanced over at us. "Daryl gave the signal – what the hell happened here?"

"We're not talking about it," I said shakily, taking a step back giving Carl a look that ordered him to get back into the car and not to argue. "Get in the minivan, Rick and the others will come back for the other cars," I grumbled giving Hershel a look as I climbed into the car after Carl, taking a seat between the two baby seats as Carl climbed into the back, squeezing between the boxes of baby stuff.

I can't believe he just shot the boy, without warning. This wasn't the Carl I knew, that I had bought up. I wasn't sure how Rick would deal with it but I sure hope he wouldn't let it slide. This needed to be dealt with – he needed to be punished for his actions. The word punish sounded so cruel but the boy had just shot someone dead.

* * *

"Amy can you take Theo in for me?" I asked softly watching as Beth lifted Judith out of her car seat, cradling her into her chest as she followed an angry looking Carl into the prison from the side entrance near the loading bay. The blonde nodded at my words as she pulled a still sleeping Theo from his car seat and followed Beth in, leaving me and Hershel alone.

"He shouldn't have done it," Hershel mumbled softly as we stepped through the loading bay and along the hall that would lead us back to the communal area. I nodded at his words, blinking back tears as I took in a shaky breath.

"He's full of such anger and it scares me. We both saw what he did Hershel, there's more that he could do," I muttered as we approached the gate where the others joined the rest of the group. I let Hershel slip through before me and watched as Rick placed a kiss on Judith's head before turning to Theo and giving him the same treatment before Amy and Beth walked into the cell block. When his eyes settle don Carl he brought him into a hug, getting down on his knees as he wrapped his arms around the boy.

"Dad," Carl said softly pushing Rick back so he could look down at him, that anger turning into determination. "I'm coming to Woodbury."

"Carl." Rick sighed standing up from the floor, that same stern look on his face he had whenever Carl didn't listen to him. At least Rick was trying to keep him out of the fighting, at least he wanted him to stay a child.

"Dad, I did my job out there. Just like all of you. Took out one of the Governor's soldiers." Carl's words were prepared and ready as if he expected Rick to fight against him on this matter. It was his words that had me closing my eyes not able to fight off the tears anymore. I just kept picturing that bullet going through the boy's head and knowing that Carl had been the one to do it. Without any remorse. He didn't care that he had killed that boy, it was clear on his face.

"One of his soldiers?" Hershel spoke out letting me hear that he wasn't agreeing with Carl's words. He had seen the same thing I had. Carl had killed that boy in cold blood. "A kid running away? He stumbled across us."

"No, he drew on us!" Carl argued looking over to Hershel, his eyes shooting to me quickly before looking back to his dad.

"I'm sorry you had to do that." Rick mumbled to him nodding his head slightly as he kept his eyes on Carl. He was right, Carl shouldn't have had to do that. That boy was no threat to us, he was afraid, scared out of his wits and Carl just shot him.

"It's what I was there for." He replied simple, clutching the strap of his bag in his hand as it rested against his shoulder before giving Rick a similar stern look and saying the words I knew he would utter. "I'm going with you." He left the words final, floating in the air between Hershel and Rick as he walked away, leaving his dad to think about the words.

"That kid was scared." Hershel said to Rick once Carl pulled the gate to the cell block closed behind him. "He was handing his gun over." He added knowing that Rick would understand his words.

"He said he drew." Rick mumbled and I could hear the doubt in his voice, Hershel made it clear that Carl wasn't exactly telling the truth with a shake of his head but Rick wasn't having it, the disbelief filling him up. "Carl said it was in defence."

"I was there. He didn't have to shoot. He had every reason not to–" Hershel started but Rick spoke over him coming up with reasons and excuses why Carl would have acted the way he did.

"No! Maybe it looked like that to you, Hershel –"

"Rick!" Hershel shouted his voice echoing through the area as Rick looked down, his jaw clenching as he obeyed Hershel and listened. "I'm telling you he gunned that kid down." He added softly but there was that sternness behind his words as he left Rick, making his way towards the cell block.

"Hershel's right," I whispered stepping away from the wall I had been resting against, taking a small step towards my husband as he looked up at me with a pained look across his face. He felt the same way I did about this.

"He said that boy drew," Rick started again, fighting to give an explanation that couldn't be given. There was no defence for what Carl did. I sighed, shaking my head as I stepped closer to him until I was cupping his face in my heads, tilting his head down so he could look me in the eye.

"You can't protect him Rick," I whispered feeling my eye water just at the thought of our innocent boy growing cold and killing people. "That boy was no threat to us, he was just a boy. He was afraid, scared out of his wits and Carl just shot him without a second thought. He was a few years older than Carl and he had been lied to. He had been scared into believing the Governor's words and followed him out of fear." I stopped pulling my hands away from Rick's face to wipe the tears that had steadily flown down my face before sighing deeply and looking back up at him. "Carl did something wrong and he needs to deal with that. You need to shout at him, cry with him, hell I don't know but you got to get him to see that it was wrong."

"How do I do that when we've been killing people, doing what we think is right to protect everyone?" he questioned making me realise that he was going somewhere with this. Carl had been watching us and we had been killing people, the things Carl's had to watch haven't really been setting him straight.

"His judgments clouded because of us Rick. Lately we've been going around thinking it's okay to kill, you haven't really been in the right mind. I'm not blaming you but Carl looks up to you, hell he's always looked up to you but what we're doing now isn't setting a great example. Ground him, we can still do that. Keep him from runs, don't let him kill the walkers at the fence, take away his gun,"

"I can't just take his gun," Rick grumbled shaking his head at my words but there was a glint in his eye that allowed me to see that he understood where I was coming from.

"You can and I know at the end of the day you'll do what you have to do to set him straight. We can't let him think that it was alright for him to just shot that boy. I don't know how to go about punishing something like this in the world now but he needs to understand that it was wrong for him to do what he did. But you'll have to come up with something Rick, we can't just let this go,"

"I know," he mumbled pulling me closer to him, his lips resting against my head lightly as he took in a deep breath and pulled back smiling at me lightly. "I'm glad you're okay," he added pressing his lips to mine in what I thought was the most romantic kiss we've had in a long time. "I'm gonna see if Daryl, Michonne and Glenn have come back with the other cars."

"Okay," I pressed my lips to his in another kiss before watching him walk out to the yard, shaking my head and walking into the cell block and over to the cell that was mine and Rick's before we left to see that Beth was sitting on the double bed, Judith and Theo bundled in their blankets still sleeping.

* * *

"I take it you're going after the Governor as well?" I asked the blonde woman as she helped pack up the car Michonne was standing by.

"You know I have to go," she muttered giving me a look as she shut the boot, turning to face me with her blue eyes.

"I know, I can't stop you but are you sure you want to go?" Amy smiled at me, the same smile she gave me the first time we met when the walkers first started eating us and gave a very sincere nod of her head.

"I have to go. Andrea's out there and I have to go to her. That man … the Governor – we know what he's like and she tried to stop him. I have to be there for her now," she sighed looking over at the boy she had grown close to over the last year, nodding her head towards him. "He needs you, more than he'll let you think. That boy he killed, be hard on him but let him know you're still there for him and that you love him. Remember after the Shane incident? When he thought you hated him? I think this is worse and now he needs his mom."

"I know, I didn't react very well after he did it and from his point of view it may have seem like the right thing to do. I don't want to lose him to this world."

"Then speak to him, let him know that you love him and that although what he did was wrong you'll be there for him because you love him, because he's your son,"

"Thanks Amy," I whispered to her bringing her into a hug before pulling away and giving her a small smile. "You be safe out there okay, we don't need to be too concerned about you. And please remember that you have a family here."

"I will," she mumbled squeezing me hand, pushing me slightly towards Carl. "Go talk to him," I sighed deeply as I took in her advice taking in a very much needed breath before taking that step towards my son.

"Hey baby," I mumbled sitting down beside him on the metal bleachers that marked out an area in the yard. He grunted in response to me letting me know that this was going to be harder than we both wanted it to be. "We've been here before," he glanced over to me than a look of confusion washing over his face which brought out a small, sad smile. "Where you think I hate you because you killed someone," I added watching as his face filled with remembrance and then looked to me with concern. "I do love you Carl, no matter what happens I'll love you. I could never think about not loving you, you're my son Carl and I will always love you. It may not seem like it and recently I haven't been giving you the right attention, maybe you feel neglected but I'm hoping you'd understand that with everything happening lately and the attention the twins need. I'm not trying to make excuses but I trust that you'll be able to give me some time with them because they can't look after themselves and they rely on me. I feel that I'm not doing my job as your mom but I promise I will Carl, once this is all over with the Governor, once I'm sure he can't be a threat to us I promise I'll try to be there for you more,"

"Judith and Theo …. They need you more than me mom, I know you love me, you don' have to tell me every day for me to know. I haven't exactly been the best son but I don't think you've been neglecting me. I know Judy and Theo need you, they can't look after themselves like I can, it's not you I'm angry with," he grumbled the anger becoming clear as he came to the end of his sentence. I had a feeling I knew who he was anger at but I still needed him to confirm it for me.

"Who are you angry at then?" I asked him softly not really wanting to hear his next words but I knew I would anyway.

"Dad," he spat out flicking his eyes over to the man we were speaking about as he spoke to Daryl down by the gate, they were probably talking about their next move. I knew they were going to Woodbury to finish this with the Governor, they were probably going over their plans.

"You can't be angry at your dad Carl, he's been through a lot lately and you treating him like this isn't going to help,"

"He's crazy, not right in the head! He's been running around talking crazy and seeing things that aren't there. He's a danger to use, he almost got you killed! You and Hershel!" Carl seethed not really shouting but raising his voice enough that Rick glanced over form his conversation with Daryl. It was that or he had a feeling he was being spoken about.

"Your dad might be many things Carl but he's not crazy. I get that he hasn't really been a great leader but can you blame him? He had to go through the thought of losing me and grief can kill someone. You remember what it was like when Nana passed? How much that hurt me? To think that your dad had to go through that because he thought he lost me. It's unimaginable Carl, how would you feel if you lost me? There was a moment in that boiler room when you thought I was going, there was that moment when we thought Theo was gone. It's hard to understand what someone's going through unless you've been through it yourself. Your dad couldn't handle that and something inside him snapped but his back now, he's willing to step up again to protect us, me, you, Judith, Theo and the rest of the group. I know he made a mistake with Michonne and Merle but it was a mistake and Michonne understood where he was coming from. His judgement was clouded but he saw through that, he's back now and he's working on making things right. He's trying Carl and you need to as well. This anger you're holding onto, it's not going to help. You think it might but it won't, it'll make things worse. Make things ugly." Carl seemed to be taking in my monologue with a thoughtful look but he looked doubtful. "Carl,"

"Just stop," he begged looking down at the ground as if he couldn't take it anymore. I sighed looking him over, the way he leant against the bleachers, his hands folded on his lap, his legs stretching out in front of him and the tilt of his head as he gazed down at the floor. He was hurting but he wouldn't let it take over how he was feeling, he'd rather focus on the anger. The crunching of gravel had me looking over at the oncoming man as he stepped towards us, a sad look flirting across his face as he stopped in front of Carl, crouching down so his eyes would lock with his sons.

"Hershel told me about the boy you shot." Rick started bring out the conversation that the three of us knew would be there eventually. It was going to happen. After the conversation I had with Rick after the incident, I knew he would bring it up with Carl before he left to finish whatever this was with the Governor.

"He had a gun." Carl replied simple, tilting his head up slightly as he looked his father in the eyes.

"Hmm. Was he handing it over?" Rick asked leaning back slightly as he took in Carl, his eyes flicking to me before looking back at the boy we had raised.

"He had just attacked us."

"Yeah. Yes, he had. Was he handing it over?" Rick asked again trying to get the answer out of the boy even though he knew it anyway. He just wanted to hear Carl say it.

"I couldn't take the chance." Carl admitted then, his eyes flirting to me before looking back to Rick. "I didn't kill the walker that killed Dale. Look what happened."

"Son, that is not the same thing."

"You didn't kill Andrew and he came back and almost killed Mom. He killed T-Dog! You were in a room with the Governor and you let him go. And then he killed Merle. I did what I had to do." A look of understand filled Rick's face but then it filled with disbelief just as quickly. He was finally beginning to realise that Carl was growing up too fast and we were influencing the way he acted – the way he reacted to this world. "Now go." Carl sighed standing from the bleachers, towering over Rick as he looked down at his dad. "So he doesn't kill any more of us." He added walking away without another word. As he stepped away a metallic clatter drew my eyes off of Carl's retreating form to the metal star in Rick's hand. The familiar golden star of Rick's Deputy Badge gleamed at us as if taunting us. Carl had admired Rick as an officer and now it was like the boy had pushed that in his father's face. Like he no longer admired him.

"Rick," I whispered to him as he stood from his crouch avoiding my gaze as he turned away from me. "Rick stop!" I called out to him feeling my heart beat wildly in my chest when I thought he was going to ignore me. I was ever so thankful when he turned around slowly, his eyes locking with mine. "I'm sorry," I mumbled to him taking that step closer so I could run my fingers over his cheeks softly. "I feel that I just made it worse. I spoke to him before about how everything was. He's angry with you and I think I made it worse before you came over to speak with him. His anger isn't aimed at you, well it is but he wouldn't feel as strongly about it if it wasn't for me. I'm sorry,"

"He's growing up," Rick sighed lifting his hand as he brushed a loose curl behind me ear, placing a feather light kiss on my nose as he took a deep breath, stepping back from me a light smile crossing his lips. "It's his job to challenge me," I nodded my head at his words trying to believe him but I knew he was only saying this to make me feel better. I barely think he thought that, Carl wouldn't just challenge Rick because of the Andrew thing and the Governor threat. It was more than that and we both knew it. "Come on," he finally muttered taking my hand in his and leading me back over to Michonne and Daryl where they waited for him but were now joined by Glenn and Maggie, Amy still waiting beside Michonne by the car.

"Rick, we're staying." Glenn announced nodding towards Maggie to indicate that she would be staying as well. Rick took the two of them in as I glanced up at him, his fingers squeezed my hand slightly before giving a soft nod. "We don't know where the Governor is. If he comes back, we'll hold him off." It made sense and Rick knew that. If the Governor did come back there was no way that we'd be able to stop him with it just being me, Kelly, Beth, Hershel, Carol and Carl. We would be weak without Glenn and Maggie even if we didn't want to admit it.

"Just the three of us?" Daryl asked looking between him, Michonne and Rick before shaking his head in disbelief.

"And me," Amy announced indicating that she was going whether or not Rick or anyone else liked it. Daryl glanced over to the blonde woman, giving her a look of understanding as if he knew why she wanted to go.

"All right." He mumbled slinging his crossbow over his shoulder as he took off to get settled on his bike.

"I appreciate you staying." Rick admitted looing between Glenn and Maggie before taking my hand in his and leading me round to the driver's side of the truck. His hand rested on the handle and he hesitated as if he wasn't sure whether he wanted to do this or not. As his fingers clutched onto the handle, pulling the door open his other hand slipped from mine, leaving no warmth. I thought he was going to leave without saying goodbye or anything but he surprised me when he turned back around bringing me into a tight hug as his lips crashed against mine. It was a fierce kiss, one that we had not shared before. It had never been like this. This time he was saying goodbye without actually saying goodbye. It was more of an 'I'll see you later' kiss rather than a goodbye. It was a promise. The promise he wouldn't make verbally because he didn't want to give me that promise. He didn't want to make a promise where he would lie to me. "I love you," he breather against my lips before pulling back, cupping my face in his hands as he pressed his forehead to mine, closing his eyes.

"I love you as well," I whispered sniffling slightly as the threat of tears danced behind my eyes alerting me to the fact that this may be the last time I ever see my husband. "Be safe," I begged stepping out of his embrace before it became too much and I lost it. I couldn't lose it. I needed to stay strong. With one simple nod of his head he slipped into the truck, giving me one last look before following Daryl out of the yard and down the field and onto this mission to find the Governor.

I hadn't realised how long I had been staring at an empty dirt road before Beth rested her hand lightly on my arm bringing me back to reality. I glanced over to her, seeing Maggie waiting quietly beside her as the blonde gazed at me carefully.

"Let's go back inside," she spoke softly as if she was afraid any loud noise would break me. I only nodded, glancing down the dirt road one last time before following her into the prison like she had suggested. I had a feeling that no matter how long it took Rick and the others to return it would feel like a lifetime before he was back here with me. A lifetime I couldn't wait for.

* * *

There was a certain silence that surrounded us as we hung around the communal area all doing different things that would keep our minds off of the four of our group that had gone out there to finish off the Governor and the Woodbury threat. There was like an unspoken rule between the lot of us that no one was to speak.

"Maggie and I have some news," Glenn's voice rang out interrupting my thoughts. Maybe I had spoken too soon. Perhaps there were others here that wished to speak but they weren't doing so out of respect for me. I had not missed the glances they had all been giving me. I lifted my eyes up to see that Glenn was standing behind Maggie as she sat next to her father and Beth a look of discomfort on her face. For some reason my mind drifted to what this news could be. The last time a couple announced any news was when me and Rick told the group that I was pregnant – Jesus was Maggie pregnant?

"Glenn asked me to marry him before the attack with the Governor earlier and I agreed," Maggie announced the uncomfortable look dropping from her face as her eyes lit up in excitement. Beth almost screamed out at her sister's words but instead tackled her in a large hug while Hershel muttered a congratulations to Glenn, patting him on the shoulder as he took his seat between Hershel and Maggie.

"When's the wedding?" Beth asked that excitement Maggie had on her face tenfold on her sisters. Beth really did see the good in everything presented to her and I knew that she would make a big deal out of this.

"There isn't gonna be a wedding," Maggie told her sister softly sighing as look of disappointment and confusion washed over Beth's face. "We don't need one to know that we love each other. Daddy approved and that's all we care about."

"When Maggie agreed and I gave her the ring that's when we became married. We don't need to have a wedding for us to be married. She accepted me and I love her and that's all we need." Glenn added looking over to his bride as she smiled back at him reflecting the love that filtered across his face.

"Well we'll celebrate it still," Carol announced smiling at the couple as she stood from her seat around the table, making her way over to the pile of food and the mini camping stove that had been left in here. "I'll cook us up a nice meal and we'll have ourselves a little celebration."

"I think we all deserve it," Hershel agreed nodding his head at Carol's words as he gazed over to me then nodded his head to the corner. I followed his look to see that Carl had decided to join us, a small smile on his lips as he sat on the floor between the two bassinets his little brother and sister slept in. it had been Beth's idea to bring the twins into the communal area with us, knowing I would want them close but telling me I was staying with the group.

"I'm happy for you both," I muttered to the couple as I turned away from Carl and looked to happy couple as they nodded their heads in agreement. A small smile crossed my lips as I let out a chuckle and looked to Maggie. "I thought you were gonna tell us you were pregnant," I added watching the brunette freeze before letting out a low chuckle like mine as she shook her head. Glenn flushed next to her shaking his head quickly as he glanced to Hershel.

"We're being careful!" he exclaimed before ducking his head away from the older man as he looked between the two. Glenn's head shot up to me than a look of fear crossing his face as she shook his head and gapped at me. "Not that you weren't being careful, you and Rick … I'm sure you were being careful … I mean accidents happen … not that the twins were accidents … I mean of course they were accidents … I'm sure Rick was being careful when he umm … this is not what I wanted to say … what I meant was I'm sure you two were being careful … that sort of thing happens all the time … unwanted pregnancies … not that yours was unwanted … what the hell am I saying? I'm digging myself into a bigger hole … I'm just going to stop …" Glenn stuttered his face getting darker and the fear in his eyes growing as he looked at me as he stumbled his way through his thoughts. I glanced over to Maggie who was glancing at her husband before flicking her eyes to me. It took one look between the two of us before we burst out into a fit of giggles over Glenn's miniature breakdown.

"Glenn you gotta know when to stop," Maggie teased leaning into her husband's side as the man next to her flushed in annoyance this time as the laughter spread from me and Maggie to the others in the room. It was times like these when I knew that this group would be okay in the end. We would be.


	37. Chapter 37

It was amazing what one woman could make out of so little food and ingredients but Carol really seemed to have a nack for this sort of thing. Carol had really outdone herself with the celebratory meal so had made for the few of s staying at the prison in honor of Glenn and Maggie's wedding. She hadn't overdone it either – still rationing between us all but making a wonderful meal in the process.

It was only a bowl of pasta covered in a tomato sauce with canned mushrooms and light seasoning but it smelled wonderful and it sure as hell tasted great as well. It had just forked a small spoonful of pasta in my mouth when Hershel cleared his throat signaling that he wanted to speak. Beth, Glenn and Maggie all paused with their forks to their mouths looking to the older man as his eyes landed on everyone before giving us all that soft smile that only belonged to Hershel.

"There's a few words I wanted to share," he started glancing to his two daughters and then to his new son-in-law. "I know not everyone would be thankful for the way the world's turned out and I'm sure you'd all join me in wishing that time turned back and we didn't have to live like this but there are days I am grateful. I'm grateful for the people I get to spend my life with in this world. I've lost people – we all have but we still have family.

"I have my two beautiful daughters and they have each other, I've got a great guy for a son-in-law who would do anything for Maggie because he loves her so much and I can see that. I know I don't have to worry about her safety when he's around because he'll always be looking out for her. I've got that wonderful, amazing woman that enters your life and finds a place in your heart as the nagging younger sister that mothers you even though she's younger," he added glancing over to Carol sending her a warm smile as he spoke so she knew he was talking about her. His eyes darted to Kelly then a twinkle in his eyes as his grin grew larger. "A free-spirited niece that won't sit still and gets protective of everyone around her because she has a beautiful heart and soul." Kelly's eyes shone with tears then and I knew that it meant a lot for her to hear – she hadn't had the greatest relationships with her family, only speaking with her older brother on occasion because of her nieces. "I've got a family I'd never thought I'd have.

"Three wonderful grandchildren that crept their way into my heart with each passing second." His eyes were settled on Carl and the twins as he spoke before turning his head to me and pausing and giving a deep sigh. "And who do I have to thank for bringing them into my world but their mother? Well and Rick. I never thought I'd end up with another daughter before I was taken from this world but these things have a way of creeping up on you unexpectedly. I could ask for a better daughter than the one I got in you," he mumbled softly his eyes telling me more about his emotions that his tone of voice did as well as his words. "All three of my daughters are more than I could ask for. Not are they only beautiful but they also have outstandingly good hearts and pure souls and I am thankful that I can call them my girls. I'm happy I can call everyone at this prison my family. Rick, Daryl, Michonne and Amy – the four of them are as much family now as my girls, as you lot.

"In this messed up world a bunch of strangers that had nothing in common a year ago have managed to find a family in each other that has helped us survive. But that's what this new world is about I think. Family and love, the way it wraps itself around our lives and gives us something to fight for, something to strive for to prevent being torn away from each other because it keeps us fighting. At the end of the day we need it, not only to keep going but because without it what have we got to live for? Survival's not enough without it and I can guarantee that we'll need it more now than ever. We need each other and God blessed us with each other."

I never know such simple words could hold such a meaningful truth. He was right, we did need each other because he wouldn't be able to survive otherwise. There would be no point in going on in this world if we didn't have each other. I wasn't the only one that thought so either as the silence around the group grew after Hershel spoke his words. It was like we had no clue what to say to his words. There was nothing to say to his words because we couldn't say anything to change them, to make them mean something different. We just needed to let them sink in. We needed to believe that being here with each other would increase our survival in this world.

* * *

"Can I stay with you tonight mom?" Carl asked hanging by the sheet covering the cell as he looked in as I rocked Theo against my chest as he whined. The poor boy was still feeling sick and wouldn't let me put him down while he was awake. I looked to Theo's older brother as he dropped his eyes down to his little sister as she slept in her bassinet before smiling at her and flicking his eyes back to me.

"Of course you can," I told him moving over on the bed so there was enough space for him to join me. "But know that your dad won't be happy to see that you took his place in the morning," I teased him feeling sure that Rick and the others would be joining us in the morning.

They still weren't back but I knew that it might have been a possibility. After all Maggie had made it clear that Woodbury was quite a large town and it was at some distance from the prison even if it was still close to us. It would take them time to finish this especially if the Governor was there to be dealt with. Just because they weren't back tonight didn't mean they wouldn't be back in the morning.

"Dad will just have to fight me for the largest bed then won't he?" The boy teased back the light tone in his voice making me smile as he relaxed back on the bed, rolling around slightly as if proving his point that this bed was the largest in the prison.

"I'm sure he'll beat your ass," I warned him glancing back at him over my shoulder in a mock glare before dropping my eyes to Theo as his body went lax in my arms. After holding him for longer than half an hour the boy had finally fallen to sleep.

"Yeah I wouldn't bet on it," he grumbled and I could tell he was already falling asleep as he curled up against the edge of the bed, leaving me with my regular space by the wall. I managed to slip off the bed without catching myself on Carl and settled Theo down in his bassinet without him waking up before glancing back to the eldest Grimes child as he snuggled deeper under the blankets, his eyes closed and mouth hanging open. He looked like a child here and I wished he could still be like that when he was awake. Shaking my head from the thoughts I climbed over his legs before slipping into the bed behind him, running my hands through his hair like I had down to him when he was younger and climbed between me and Rick when he'd had a bad dream.

"I love you Carl," I whispered to him pressing my lips to the back of his head as he slowly nodded the mop of dark hair, allowing me to know he had heard.

* * *

It was an early start for all of us in the prison, each of us up before the sun even made is way passed the trees. The others hadn't got back yet and it was concerning us all. Even though Carl was angry with his dad I knew that he was just as concerned about him as I was.

I knew that if the others were going to be back it wouldn't be too long from now. Actually it was less of em knowing and more of Maggie assuring me that they would be back by mid-day. Not that we could tell when mid-day was, only getting a jist of time from the few watches shared between us all.

The ten of us, well eight really because Judy and Theo didn't count, had spent the last few hours we had been up wandering around doing silly little things that weren't really important but helped get our minds off of the others late return. Carol had done everyone's washing and had started to hang the wet -not dripping wet - clothes on the railings around the cell block and communal area. Hershel had started his plans for the farming area he wanted to start once we were sure we'd be able to settle down in the prison without incident for a while. Glenn and Maggie were on watch as well as clearing the yard and keeping an eye on Beth and Carl as they cleared the fences of close walkers. Kelly had taken a page out Carol's book and had started to clean the cell block and communal area, trying to make it more at home for all of us. As for me, I had just settled down on one of the tables going through the medical supplies we had after managing to put the twins down for a nap after their feeds. Theo was out like a light halfway through his feed and I knew it was because he was still ill and was thankful that he went straight down without fussing. Judith on the other hand fussed, her face flushing red until I wrapped her in one of her daddy's shirts and watched as she settled down, the tears she had cried rolling down her cheeks as she snuggled down in her bassinet and dropped into a sleep like her brother.

"Their back!" Carl's voice echoed through the communal area startling me as I continued going through the medical supplies. At his words I dropped the two bottles of pills and shared a glance with Kelly as she paused in her actions as well. As if reading my mind she glanced towards the cell block where the twins were sleeping.

"Go on, I'll stay here," she mumbled making me feel bad because I wasn't the only one that had someone they loved coming back to them at this moment. Although I may have been married to Rick, Kelly was in a relationship with Daryl and I knew that she had been worrying about him while he was gone.

"I'll send Daryl in," I promised to her as I pushed off of the table and rushed out of the block and out into the yard, pushing by Beth, Hershel and Carol as they hung around the door and over to Carl where he stood waiting. My eyes settled on the bus that pulled up into the yard followed by the single car Rick and the others had taken the day before. As the bus rolled to a stop I became confused and settled my eyes on my husband as he glanced at the bus and then made his way towards me and Carl. If he was okay with the bus being here then I knew it must have been his decision that these people came to join us. Where these the people from Woodbury?

"What's this?" Carl asked as soon as Rick reached us nodding his head towards the bus as the doors opened allowing Tyreese to step down off of the bus followed by his sister. I couldn't help the smile that flirted across my lips as I watched the two of them help the elderly people off of the bus.

I didn't need Rick's answer because I knew exactly what this was. These were the people the Governor had left behind at Woodbury because they were either too old or too young to help with the attack here. And if I was to carry on with my theory, Tyreese and Sasha stayed behind to protect them.

"They're gonna join us," Rick supplied looking to Carl as he spoke giving the boy the answer to his question. Carl's jaw tensed at his dad's words before he scoffed and pushed passed Rick, making his way back into the block without a word. Rick sighed at the reaction and I could tell that he was thinking about their argument the day before.

"He'll get over it," I mumbled taking his hand within mine as he turned to face me before burying my face in his chest, sighing deeply as he wrapped me in his arms. "I'm so glad that you're okay. I was worried when you didn't come back last night but Maggie told me it was a possibility." I pulled back so I could look in his eyes, noting the small smile on his lips but I couldn't help but take in the sadness and anger shining within those blue orbs. "You know Carl's going to see it in a different light in a couple of days, right? You bringing these people back saved them, you didn't leave them behind. You gave them a new home. He'll understand that." I added wanting to make sure he didn't feel guilty about bringing them back because of Carl's reaction.

"It's not that," he muttered taking my face within his hands, stepping back slightly so he could peer down at me. It was the look he always gave me when there was bad news. "Andrea didn't make it," he whispered making my heart jump in my chest at his words. It was painful to hear even though there had been months between last seeing her before now. She may have changed during that time but she was still part of this family. She was Amy's sister. My blood ran cold at that thought as I pulled away from him, looking around at the small line of people that were greeting Hershel, Carol and Beth before Carol slowly lead them into the communal area.

"Where's Amy?" I asked not seeing the blonde girl anywhere and feeling the panic grow within me. As if sensing my panic, Rick caught my chin lightly in his hand, pulling my head towards him until my eyes settled on his.

"Michonne took her inside just a minute ago," he assured me leaning forward and pressing his lips to my forehead. "She needs some time to herself, we got to give her that time."

"I know," I mumbled blinking back the tears that had slowly started to roll down my cheeks as the news about Andrea settled into my mind. "I suppose I should go say hi to Tyreese and Sasha and introduce myself to the others," I sighed wiping my face roughly with my fingers before stepping away from him and heading over to Tyreese as he leant against the bus. His eyes settled on me, taking a moment before he seemed to realize who I was and a smile crept on his face as he stepped towards me.

"Fay," he greeted holding out his hand in greeting but I pushed it aside and gave him a warm hug. It may have seemed strange but I knew as soon as I saw Tyreese a couple of days ago that this man was a kind-hearted soul. It felt like I knew him for a long time.

"I'm so happy you're okay," I whispered to him pulling back and smiling the same smile he had given me before I pulled him into a hug. I was actually quite funny and I bet Rick was laughing on the inside as he watched me climb on my tiptoes to wrap my arms around this giant in front of me. That was what Tyreese felt like to me – compared to my small size he was a very tall man - hell Rick was tall to me and I knew Carl would be catching up with his dad soon. The boy was already taller than me.

"I'm happy you're fine as well," he replied slowing down his words as they settled on the plaster covering part of my head. As of remembering it was there I lightly touched the wound before shaking my head.

"It's nothing," I mumbled stepping back as a force rushed into me and I almost lost my balance. Taking in a deep breath I looked down at the two figures that had wrapped their arms around me only to see two brunette heads pressed into my chest. It wasn't until they pulled away that new tears rolled down my cheeks. "Lily!" I exclaimed wrapping my arms around the oldest before turning to her sister and pulling her back into my chest. "Oh my god, are you two okay? Where's your mom? Your dad?" I asked them stopping when Lily looked to her little sister before giving me that sad smile I knew too well.

"Mom died at the very beginning," Lily supplied taking hold of Becca's hand as the little girl sniffled, dropping her head against her chest at the older girls words. "Dad died a few weeks ago. The Governor told me he was killed on a run. I found it strange since dad told me he was going on watch. I guess it makes sense now." She mumbled at I felt sorry for the eleven year old as she pulled the eight year old into her side. She had to grow up with the loss of her parents. She needed to grow up for Becca.

"I'm so sorry Lily," I whispered to the girl taking her face in my hand, wiping away the tears that started to roll down her cheek. Here were these two girls that had lost their parents but one of them couldn't act like a child that had no parents because she had to take care of her sister.

"Do you know these girls?" Tyreese asked looking between the three of us as Rick stepped closer to us having watched the small commotion. As Rick stepped closer to us Becca lifted her head, her eyes growing larger as she finally recognized the man.

"Uncle Rick!" She exclaimed pulling out of Lily's grasp and running towards the man, jumping into his arms. Rick chuckled at her actions but lifted her to him as she rested her head against his shoulder. It was sweet and I was surprised he hadn't mentioned that the girls were alive to me before.

"These are your nieces?" Sasha asked standing beside her brother as she looked between the two girl and me before setting her eyes on Rick as he cuddled the youngest. I shook my head at her words as I ran my hands through Lily's hair before looking over to the woman asking questions.

"They're Kelly's nieces," I told her before freezing and then realising that these were in fact Kelly's nieces. "Oh my god! Kelly!" I exclaimed sounding much like Becca had when she realised Rick was beside me. "I need to take you to your aunt!" I announced to the two brunettes noting the way they both looked extremely happy to hear that their aunt was here.

Lily nodded eagerly as she took my hand in hers while Rick lead the way towards the open door where Hershel and Beth waited, Becca still in his arms. I knew Kelly would be over the moon with this news. She had Daryl but having her two nieces here with her would make her so happy. She had given up the chance to be with her brother when this all started to stay with me and now she got part of her family back.

We had barely made it to the door when a voice behind me had us all stopping.

"Faylin Fairfax?" A strange voice called out causing me to stop with the use of my maiden name. Everyone I knew had known me as Faylin Grimes for the last couple of years. There wasn't anyone before the end of the world that called me by that last name that I didn't know. Turning on the spot I froze as I locked eyes with an older woman in her fifties. She had grey-blonde hair and brown eyes but I recognised her face. There may have been few times that I had actually seen this woman and most of the times it was in old photo albums but I knew her.

"Mom?" I muttered feeling my heart sink as I looked at the woman that had brought me into this world.


	38. Chapter 38

She looked the same from the last time I saw her at dad's funeral when I was sixteen. They had long been divorced since then but for her to turn up at his funeral as if she expected to be given a golden platter. Nana almost kicked her out if it hadn't have been for the lawyers telling her she need not to worry about her because she was there for her son's funeral.

She had the same blonde hair as she did then and it wasn't a surprise for me to see that it was almost as bright as it had been then, but I could not miss the grey hairs that were coming in at the roots now. How was she coping without all the beauty products she adored?

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" She asked looking between Rick and then Tyreese and Sasha. Not particularly wanting to but feeling like I had to I reluctantly let go of Lily's hand, pushing her towards Hershel and Beth before looking over to Tyreese and Sasha as they both stood by the now empty bus watching the interaction between us.

"Rick, Tyreese, Sasha, this is Kathleen Jacobs," I muttered introducing her to the three of them as she had asked. "Kathleen, this is Rick, Tyreese and Sasha," I went on pointing to each one as I introduced them to her hoping she would except that and let me leave.

"Kathleen, how funny of you Faylin," she giggled stepping forward slightly smiling over to Tyreese and Sasha before turning her gaze back to me. "I don't know why she introduced me like that. I'm her mother Kathleen Fairfax," I felt fire burn within me when she used that name. She hadn't been Kathleen Fairfax in twenty-six years. Dad had filed for divorce after I was born not wanting to be with a woman that had tried to kill his only child. I knew she had been in a rehab centre for five years after I had been born, attempting to take her life three times during those years.

"You're not my mother!" I spat at her taking a step forward only stopping when I felt Rick's hand on my arm as a warning. "A mother wouldn't do what you did. A mother would care for her child, love them dearly and protect them at all cost. You didn't do that!"

"I was very sick Faylin, you should understand that," she argued back taking a step forward as she raised her hands in what I suppose she thought was a calming gesture.

"You could have asked for help! You could have-"

"Mom!" Carl's voice echoed through the hall leading out into the courtyard, stopping me from continuing as I glanced to the entrance waiting for him to appear. He did so seconds later, his cheeks flushed and his chest rising fast as he was out of breath. "Theo's been sick again," and I could tell that he must have still been crying if Carl had come to get me. I glanced at the woman known as my mother before sharing a look with Rick and following Carl back into the cell block.

* * *

"Have you got the list ready yet?" Kelly asked coming up to me in the communal area, making her way around the large mass of people that were already making themselves at home. She along with Carol, Beth and Maggie had been sorting out Cell Block D ready for the new comers to move into.

"Just finishing it now," I mumbled writing the last name down on the two list before glancing at them and nodding my head. "Chloe and her son Owen are in cell one, Eryn and Gemma in cell two, Leola in three, Danny in four, Bill in five, Abigail in six, Lucy in seven, Jeanette in eight, Mr Jacobson in nine, Thomas in ten, Greg in eleven, Karen in twelve and Kathleen in thirteen." I told her handing her the list for Cell Block D before glancing down at the other list. "I added Tyreese and Sasha in our Cell Block along with Lily and Becca. The girls will be fine sharing a cell and I knew you would want them with us but I thought Tyreese and Sasha should be in with us."

"I'm sure they'd like that," Kelly replied glancing down at the two lists before giving me a soft smile and walking over to Hershel, handing him the sheets. I knew he'd be the one to announce the new housing arrangements.

Rick had meant what he said about this group being led by all of us now – even if it would take him time to stop thinking he had to protect and lead the group. With one last glance over to Hershel I rose from my seat at the table, looking to Beth whom had been sat opposite me as I went through the list of information given to me by the new members of the group.

"Beth if anyone needs me tell them I'll be given Judith her feed," I told her looking over at Rick as I spoke making sure she knew I was talking about my husband. If he looked over and saw me missing I knew he would worry.

"Of course," she muttered before looking back to Carl as he sat next to her trying to get him to talk. He had been like this since the other had joined us this morning. I don't think he liked the intrusion they posed on us. Given them both a smile I slipped passed the large group in the communal area and into our cell block and over to my cell were the twins were resting during one of their naps.

* * *

The room was bigger than I originally thought and it was for that reason I knew it would be perfect for my little project. Just think I was still able to have little project during the end of the world. It was Day Two of what Kelly was calling the 'Prison/Woodbury Take Two'.

She still had that notebook of hers where she was making a tally of the outbreak and the days that had gone by. She had a habit of mentioning the date, or what she had worked out the date, every morning. It was her way of keeping sane in this world. According to her it was April 14th 2011 – Day 322 of the outbreak and Day 2 of the Prison and Woodbury Converge.

"Do you think it will work Judy?" I asked the girl in my arms knowing she wouldn't be able to answer but feeling the need to speak as I glanced around the room once again as I rocked her in my arms gentle. I looked down at her then not actually believing I had this little girl two weeks ago. Thanks again to Kelly, she had informed everyone that the twins were born on the first of April. April Fools day no less. "All we got to do know is let your daddy know because we both know how he gets,"

"How do I get?" The man in question asked causing me to jump slightly as turn towards the door where my husband was stood, Theo resting in his arms wearing just his vest and a light blanket. He got too fussy if we put him in a onesie, crying because of the temperature he had. In the end Hershel and I decided it was best to let him be cool to see if it would help with his fever. I knew this wasn't him turning into a walker, it was actually common for new-borns to get these fevers after birth. And to think of the conditions he was born in – he was doing quite well in my eyes.

"Overprotective and annoying," I teased placing a kiss on his cheek as he stepped closer to me glancing around the office space like I was. "What do you think of it?" I asked nodding around at the space picturing my small clinic in my mind as I waited for him to answer.

"What about it?"

"I'm thinking about turning it into a clinic of some sorts. I think it's a better idea now that we have to others here as well. It will at least give them somewhere to go and a professional view on everything." I told him nodding towards the desk and wheelie chair as it over looked to communal area. "I'd leave the desk there but I think this is the best place for it really. It's in the communal area and it's accessible for everyone now. The communal area is open to everyone and there's entrance up here from there." I glanced to him, turning away from the window that looked down at the area below giving him a waiting look. "So what do you think?"

"I think you've put a lot of thought into this," he grumbled walking over to the window, looking down at the people below that were shuffling about. "We both know that if you want it, you'll get it. There's going to be a lot of changes around here … are you sure you can handle this on top of the twins?"

"Rick, you know me," I sighed to him stepping forward as he turned away from the window and gave him a small smile. "It won't be like the hospital, plus you need to remember I managed to work there and look after Carl. I promise you if it gets too much I'll get Kelly to take over, she'll be helping as well. We'll take turns when needed and Beth wants to be trained as well. I think she needs this. We all need this." I muttered to him softly hoping he would understand where I was coming from.

"Hershel agreed to this?" Rick questioned probably thinking that this was what Hershel and I had been whispering about on the many times he had seen us talking alone.

"It was one of our ides," I mumbled peering down at the new-born in my arms before glancing back up to my husband. "With all the people here now, we're going to need this. There is so many of us now, disease and sickness is more likely to spread through the prison. It's just a precaution. With Hershel's knowledge in plants as well and a few tips Nana gave to me we'll be able to use natural remedies to cure most things."

"I'm not the leader anymore Fay, I can't tell you whether or not to do this. If you want to do it I can't stop you," he grumbled leaving me with the feeling that he wasn't too sure about this.

"You may have said that this is a democracy now but you'll always be the leader. No matter if you say we're a group, you and I both know everyone will still look to you." I came to his side, brushing up against him in a way to be close to him and touch him while we had the twins in our arms. "You brought us here in time for the twins to be born. You supplied us with this home and then you helped protect it so we could stay here and then you brought those defenceless people back here to keep them safe. You never had anything to prove but you did. You will always be our leader even if you don't think so."

He didn't reply to my words, just gave me a tight smile before glancing back out the window again, no doubt looking down to Carl as he sat in the communal area below. The boy had been punished for killing the Woodbury boy out in the woods. He'd been banned form going on watch or leaving the communal area or cell block without asking permission before hand. He'd also been given chores to do such as helping Carol with cooking or helping Hershel or others that needed his help. It had only been one day since he'd been given this punishment but I could tell he hated it already.

"We need to do something about your mom," he finally said causing my blood to boil at the mention of that woman. I could not think of the amount of times I had stressed that she wasn't my mom. She did not deserve that name.

"She's not my mom," I spat also glancing out the window to see the woman trying to talk to Carl. The twelve year old ignored her continuing to work on the sheet of school work Kelly had given him. I couldn't help but smile at that. This morning she had announced that she had been working on a school plan for all the children and had even managed to set them some work for the day. Sat at the table with Carl was Lily and Becca, the two sisters sat on Carl's right, Lily sat beside him chatting occasionally but always checking on her sister. On Becca's right was ten year old Owen and nine year old Eryn. Owen came from Woodbury with his mother whereas Eryn was on her own, but had been living with one of the elder woman, Leola and eighteen year old Gemma. As of this morning the five of them had officially started 'school' again, much to the displeasure of Carl.

"Whatever she is then, she's hard to deal with," he sighed giving me a soft smile in apology to calling her my mother. "Hershel gave her a job to do and she just waved him off, giving that job to Gemma."

"I guess much doesn't change over the years then," I mumbled looking over to the woman we were talking about to see her talking to Carl and watching as he glanced up at her a deep frown setting on his face. Carl's face twisted in anger before he spat something at the woman resulting in her slapping him across the face. I sucked in a breath of air as I felt Rick tense beside me before rushing out of the room, adjusting Theo in his arms as he went. "Rick!" I yelled following him out of the office and down the stairs to hear the shouting that had started around the room.

"Calm down!"

"That little brat!"

"You started it!"

"If I had a cane, I'd give you a good old-"

"What the hell's going on here!" Rick spat as I reached the bottom of the stairs pushing Carl behind him as he looked to Kathleen.

"That son of yours called me an old wench. Said I was a monster and had no right to live!" She snapped looking passed Rick to glare at Carl. "As his father you should have taught him a few manners. I understand bringing him up as a single parent is hard and with him not having a mother to make him more respectable-"

"He has a mother," Rick cut her off taking a step back as her eyes flashed as she looked to him. "Carl was brought up with manners, I taught him that and his mother taught him that."

"Obviously you didn't teach him well enough," she fired back crossing her arms under her chest as she rested her weight on her right hip.

"I taught him enough," I grumbled stepping closer to Carl, taking his face in my hands as I looked over the red mark on his face. "You obviously said something to him to set him off,"

"I would do no such thing!" She accused looking to me as if I had suggested the most outstanding thing to her in the world.

"You were asking me questions about the group. I know what you're trying to do but it won't work. We're not stupid. You think you can come in here and act like you rule over us all. You have no respect here. You've been here one day and you're already showing to be lazy and not committed to the group. My dad didn't have to bring you back. He could have left you there but that's not who he is. Be thankful we gave you that chance to survive!" Carl snapped stepping from behind Rick so he could speak to the woman that had hit him.

"Like I said, no manners!" She cried looking around at the people in the communal area waiting for them to back her up. She wasn't in much luck since most of us hanging around in here were from our original group as the other members from Woodbury were out helping where they could.

"Oh shut up!" I yelled feeling Judith shake in my arms at the rise in my voice before groaning out slightly. "Carl's right and you know it. Do you really expect you'd be able to make it living here without pulling your weight? There are others from the Woodbury group that are older than you but are still out there trying to make this a better place to live. If you can't stand hanging around here, pulling your weight then leave!" She stood there taking everything in for a moment but nodding her head slightly, placing her crossed arms on her hips as she took everything in. With one last glance to Carl she turned on her foot and walked through the hallway to Cell Block D.

"I am so glad she is not my grandmother!" Carl exclaimed dropping down in his seat, rolling his eyes as he looked between me and Rick. I chuckled lightly at his words, pressing a kiss to his head before heading over to Carol as she shook a freshly made bottle of formula in her hands. It seemed everyone knew when the twins were due their feeds and more than often made Theo's bottles for me.

"Thank you Carol," I said in gratitude as I took the bottle from her, giving her a smile as I led Rick through the area and to the cell block where we could feed them with some privacy. As Rick settled on the bed beside me I couldn't help but think about what he had said in the office before the whole incident with Kathleen and Carl. "I think you're right about Kathleen," I sighed handing him the bottle as I grabbed the shit Judith liked to be wrapped in as I settled her against my lap before pulling the strap of my camisole and bra down, before lifting her to my breast. She suckled softly, her eyes fluttering before closing as she pressed closer to my breast. "She's hard to deal with and I don't think she'll listen to you or me. Our best hope is for Hershel to talk to her. He always seems to sort out things like this. He's good with his words."

"And I'm not?" Rick teased a smile I hadn't seen for so long flirt across his lips. That smile had my heart flutter like I was a school girl with a crush again. Actually I never was like that, focusing on school work far too much to pay attention to boys. But he did make me feel like I did when I first saw him.

"You were never a smooth talker when we first met," I reminded him smile at the memory of it being me that had asked him for coffee in the hospital and not him asking me.

"You had me so speechless when we first met. Instead of the doctor I was familiar with was this beautiful redhead in her place with these sparkling green eyes. You had me bewitched from the first moment. I found it so hard actually getting my words out." He grumbled, his face flashing red as he admitted that he had become tongue-tied at our first meeting. He had never told me this before.

"I'm glad you got over that," I whispered reaching over and running my hand over his cheek, shivering at the tickle left behind by his stubble.

"Yeah me too," he chuckled pressing his cheek into my palm as his eyes rested on Judith as she feed. He furrowed his brow as he looked down at her, tilting his head to the side for a few seconds before a small smirk curled up his lips. "Is it weird that I'm jealous if her right now?" He question causing my cheeks to flash as I pulled my hand away from his cheek, raising my eyebrows at him. It wasn't often Rick talked like this and it had me quite shocked when he did. Sure we flirted but for him to express that he enjoyed certain things bluntly and out of nowhere always had me flushing in embarrassment.

"Stop it," I warned him lightly pushing his shoulder with my palm as he nudged me as he settled Theo on his shoulder to burp him. Rick just gave me his 'charming' smile before setting his focus on our son, trying to get him to burp.

* * *

"What do you mean council?" I asked looking between Hershel and Rick as the two of them got me alone in the transforming office. It had been a week since I had suggested my clinic to Rick and the day after the transformation had been undergoing. The store room outside had been cleared – there was more riot uniform in there that we could use – and most of the stuff from the infirmary had been moved into the store room while a gurney had been set up as a medical bed.

"We all agreed that this was a democracy of some sort now but leadership is still being placed on Rick's shoulders." Hershel started answering my question as he glanced over to Rick. "It's not fair to him to always be leading us and for us to be looking to him for advice. We shouldn't have to look to him to live our lives. We can make it easier on him by having a council. If something needs to be dealt with it will go through the council and then we can deal with it that way."

"And who will be on the council?" I questioned understanding where Hershel was coming from but it made it seem like Rick wouldn't have anything to do with this council.

"Daryl, Sasha, Carol, Hershel, Glenn, Amy and you," Rick answered glancing out the window in the office. It seemed he had a thing for looking out of the window when he came in here.

"And not you?" He shook his head at my words not bothering to turn away from the window to look at me. "Why?"

"I've got a few runs coming up in the next couple weeks. There's too many people here now for us not to go out. I can't be responsible for those people if I'm not here. There's enough of you on the council to make the right decision and it will be a group decision so there won't be any finger pointing when something goes wrong. We can't have one leader anymore. That's not how this works." He answered giving me a verbal answer this time.

"When do you plan on telling the others?" I asked them both knowing that this hadn't been discussed with the others yet.

"We spoke with Daryl and he's agreed, we'll tell the others tonight," Hershel told me looking over to Rick before glancing back to me. "We will all be equal on the council but there are positions we feel we should give out."

"And this is where I come in?" I guessed knowing there was a reason behind them talking to me alone.

"Hershel will be a sort of chairman – the voice of the group if you would, he's good at getting people to listen to him," Rick added turning away from the window to look at me. "And you will be the scribe – everything that goes on in the council will be written by you. Plans for defence, medical, anything. It goes by you first, you're intelligent and can see through any flaws. Carol's there for the people. We all know she gets on better with everyone than the rest of us. She's kind-hearted and is willing to help out. Sasha's from the other group, that helps keep the balance. Daryl's got experience with hunting and tracking, he's able to read people better than the rest and Glenn he's a fast thinker. Amy's told us how she was at college doing a degree in law, she's also got a degree in business, that can work too, she knows how to work with and around people. The lot of you make up a perfect group. I'm certain I want you seven on the council, you all have traits that will make this work." Rick explained making it clear to me the reasons he picked who he did.

"Are you sure you don't want to be part of this?" Hershel asked my husband looking to the ex-leader with a look of hope. We had been following him for so long it would be weird not to look to him for advice and such.

"I'm sure,"

"And this is going to work?" I questioned getting the feeling that something was bound to go wrong. Rick and Hershel exchanged a look before both nodding, allowing their positivity to show. "Fine, I'll start putting together some notes." I looked to Rick giving him a small smile as I walked over to the door, pausing to turn back to him. "And you better find me some pens and paper on your runs."


	39. Chapter 39

"What are you doing?" Rick asked startling me as his voice echoed around the now open clinic as I sat at my desk going over notes for the council. I glanced up at him, smiling slightly before glancing down at the list I had composed within the last week and a half. It had almost been two weeks since the council had been in place and almost three weeks since the Woodbury lot joined our group.

"Going over a few things before the next council meeting," I told him tapping my pen on the pad of paper Rick had gifted me with sometime last week. There was only a few things on the list that had been suggested over the last week but I knew that some of them really would need to be done soon. Like getting the water pump working. That little project had been in progress for the last three days yet we still had to finish it.

"Are you too busy?" My husband wondered sitting on the edge of my desk looking down at the sheets of paper I had scattered about while adding to plans. I'd get Glenn to look over the water pump plans later and then he and Daryl can make any adjustments that may need doing – that may have been a reason why the water pump wasn't working yet. "Fay?"

"I'm sorry, my mind's full of plans and I can't help but adjust them," I muttered to him placing down my pen and pushing back slightly on the wheelie chair to look up at him. "What was the question?" I asked looking him over, noting that he had trimmed his beard and had his hair cut also. "Did Carol get to your face?"

"She did," he confirmed running his hand over his jaw, scratching at his shortened beard. I was thankful the woman had left him with a beard, I loved Rick with a beard and I wouldn't be able to stand him without one now. "I asked if you were busy," he continued answering the first question I asked.

"Not really, Glenn and Daryl have to look over these new plans and I have to speak to Michonne about the defences and enforcements being placed around the fences but other than that I've got a free schedule." I told him before glancing to the stack of small folders I had started on. When we were in the infirmary I emptied the filing cabinets and took the pocket folders that held the prisoners medical information and decided to use them with everyone at the prison. Each member had there own folder and I was on a mission to fill it to the best potential so we could track everyone's medical history and future information. "Well I have got to file everyone for the clinic but I can do that later. Why do you ask?" I added looking back up to my husband as he shifted on the edge of the desk.

"Greg was talking about a small housing development being built not too far from here. He mentioned that he was working on it when everything went bad and moved to Woodbury." Rick started mentioning the forty-two year old man that had joined the group with the Woodbury lot. "He said there was also a store and a few other commercial buildings around that area. Daryl's going to head out with me as well as Michonne, Glenn and Maggie but I wanted to know if you wanted to come as well," I couldn't help but frown at him then. We both knew Rick didn't ask me to join him on runs – no matter how safe we knew they would be.

"Why are you asking me?"

Rick sighed as if there was a heavy weight resting on him and he couldn't bare to lift it from his shoulders. The look he was giving me was enough to confirm that he didn't want me going but had me wondering why he asked.

"Kelly mentioned that it's the third of May," he supplied and my eyes widened at the date. Was it really the third today? I hardly even realised that we had entered May to begin with.

"Carl's birthday," I whispered knowing why he had asked now. It was Carl's birthday the next day. It also brought a smile to my lips as I understood now why Rick had asked. "You don't know what to get him do you?"

"He's thirteen tomorrow," Rick stated as if the age was going to make a difference. "I'm guessing thirteen in this world is when a boy turns into a man. We need to celebrate it. He needs to have something."

"But you're also crap at picking out presents," I added not able to keep the smile off my face as I stood from the chair signalling to him that I was willing to go with them.

"You've never complained once about any of the presents I got you," he grumbled standing as well, following me out of the clinic as I made my way across the platform and down the stairs.

"But half the time those presents where for your own entertainment," I reminded him knowing he would be smirking behind my back at the memories we shared between our birthdays. "I'm going to see how Beth's doing with the twins. Between her and Amy, I hardly get to see them anymore," I muttered happy that something had gotten Amy's attention and out of the depression she had placed herself in after Andrea died. I couldn't blame her but I was happy she was finally able to find some happiness out of her sister's death. Between the twins, Beth and Carl she had slowly but surely been getting better. And I knew that being part of the council made her feel closer to Andrea, it was like she was helping with her sisters wish by making this a better place to live.

* * *

"I want to come with you," Carl begged as he looked between me and his dad hoping that one of us would allow him to come. I shared a glance with Rick not wanting him to make this matter worse than it could be. Things were still tense between the two of them.

"No," Rick stated giving the boy one last look before walking off to meet the others that were waiting with the two cars and Daryl's bike.

"He's still angry at me!" Carl spat looking over to his dad with a glare before tugging on his hair as he looked up to me. "You have to let me go!"

"You have to stay here Carl," I whispered to him, cupping his cheek in my hand as I gave him a small smile. He shrugged away from me sending me the same glare he had just given his father.

"I'm not a baby. I'm not Theo or Judy. I don't need you to baby me," he snapped crossing his arms as he glared down at the floor as if it was too hard for him to look at me.

"That's why we want you to stay Carl," I sighed happy that he was at least looking at me now. "We need you to look after Theo and Judy. If anything goes wrong you are all they have. We need you to be able to watch them for us. I know they aren't you're responsibility but we are trusting you to be here for them. We trust no one more than you," I admitted going over the conversation Rick and I had earlier just after he asked me to join them today.

"Okay," he muttered softly giving me a small smile before walking off towards where Beth was with the twins.

* * *

The construction site was full of useful things. Things we wold need for the rebuild of the prison. There was enough metal and fencing here to use for the prison to rebuild the fencing there and so we could get started on a few of the projects I had planned. We could use some of this stuff to get those showers working if Glenn thought it would work with the plans I had drawn.

"I'm gonna go to that housing development down the road, see if there's anything we can use," Rick stated as Daryl and Glenn checked one of the large trucks to see if the engine was working. We had decided it was best to take the truck if it was working as it would hold all the construction stuff better than the cars would. "You lot will be fine here?" It was funny really. Rick said he no longer wanted to be the leader but he couldn't help it. It was in his blood to lead and I think he knew that.

"I'll go with you," I added sending my husband a warm smile as he looked to me with raised eyebrows. "There are somethings we really need back at the prison. Things you wouldn't think of," I concluded knowing that a few of the woman at the prison had mentioned that we were low on woman hygiene products.

"Fine, you four will be okay here right?" He asked looking to the other four as I pulled the plans for the water pump, showers, fences and outside kitchen area from my pocket handing them over to Glenn as Daryl nodded to Rick. Maggie caught hold of me as I passed her giving me a small smile as she pulled me away slightly from prying ears.

"This is embarrassing but would you mind looking for some condoms while you're out there?" She questioned her face flushing as she looked over to Glenn before glancing back to me.

"Do you want me to get you some sexy lingerie as well?" I teased causing the woman that had grown as my sister to hit my lightly in the shoulder as she rolled her eyes.

"No, but it's coming up six weeks since you had those twins," Maggie went on waggling her eyebrows in a suggestive way as she sent me a wink looking over to Rick as he stood waiting for me by the truck that once belonged to T-Dog. "I'm sure he'd appreciate it," she went on knowing I was feeling embarrassed now as my cheeks grew heated.

"I'm sure he will," I grumbled rolling my eyes as I walked away from her and climbed into the truck ignoring the look Rick sent me. He didn't ask any questions just started the car and drove of towards the houses.

There weren't many houses around here but you could tell that they had been lived in before the world ended. The curtains hanging from the windows were an indicator but also the gardens outside showed that there had been people living here. It would have been a nice neighbourhood to live in back in the day. It sort of reminded me of the neighbourhood we lived in.

"It looks empty around here but we can't be down on our guard," he muttered pulling the truck to a stop outside the middle of the street, between all the houses. "Will do one house at a time, check that it's clear and then search for anything we need."

"Yes sir," I teased giving him a cheeky smile as I pulled the hunting knife Daryl gave me from its sheath as I followed Rick up to the first house, clenching my hand around the knife as he pushed open the door. He hand one hand on his gun while the other held tightly onto a knife similar to my own. With a wave he walked into the place, banging on the wall closest to the door. There was no noise of a walker stomping around to come and get us but that didn't mean we could let our guard down.

With a look that told me to stay where I was, Rick walked off through the downstairs, searching through the rooms before coming back to the base of the stairs. An indication that signalled he was going upstairs I gave him a soft nod, looking out the front door to keep an eye on things. If any walkers came this way we'd have to get out of here in fear that we'd lead them back to the prison if we lingered.

"It's all clear," Rick stated startling me as he came back down the stairs pushing his gun into its holster as he pulled me from the door, closing it as he dragged me into the kitchen. "We need food and water, anything that can be used really,"

"And clothes," I added knowing that those would be appreciated back at the prison.

"And Carl's birthday present," Rick grumbled as he started opening cupboards pulling any tins down and setting them on the table. I nodded at his words opening what I thought to be the pantry.

* * *

The houses didn't hold much, a few tins in each house, boxes of pasta and bags stale chips and cookies. I was happy about the cookies. All clothes were taken from each house, no matter the size, colour or style – we'd sort through it all back at the prison. We shoved most of the clothes and footwear into plastic rubbish bags until they filled to the brim and Rick shoved them into the back of the truck. A few of those bags had books stuffed in with the clothes. I knew it was stupid but Carol and I had spoken about opening the prison library again to try and make the world feel normal. Kelly had mentioned she wanted a place where the kids would feel at school so it seemed like the right solution.

We were in the sixth house when I found them. In the draw by the large double bed was two packs of twelve condoms. One pack was open with only one condom missing while the other was still sealed shut. Also within the draw was very sexy lingerie in a brilliant purple colour that would look great against my pale skin. Maggie's words kept ringing in my ears and I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my lips when I realised that the lingerie was in my size. It was like I was meant to find it. And it was like Rick was meant to walk in finding me holding the packs of condoms in one hand and the purple lingerie in the other.

"Are you going to put it on?" He asked causing me to snap my head to him with wide eyes as he nodding down to the sexy bra and panties in my hand. There was a garter to go with it and a see-through lacy coverall to go over the bra as well. I could see the hunger in his eyes. It had been a long time for both of us since we had last been intimate. A couple of weeks before the twins came was the last time we were together - I was so large by then I could barely move let alone have sex.

"I found Carl's birthday present!" I exclaimed feeling slightly panicked as he took a step towards me. My cheeks flushed at my words wondering what was going through my husbands head when I mentioned our son.

"Condoms and some sexy lingerie?" Rick questioned taking both from my hands, setting them on the bed beside me as he wrapped his arms around me, resting his hands on my arse. "I'm not sure what kind of message you're trying to give our son but having sex at thirteen isn't what I was thinking of."

"No, no, no, that's not what I was talking about," I mumbled resting my hand on his shoulders as he smirked at me. I bet he loved the fact he could still make me blush like a school girl even after four nearly five years of marriage.

"Although I wouldn't mind getting lucky with you right now," he added sliding his hand further down my arse until he gripped my thigh, lifting my leg up until it was hooked over his hip. I felt his hardness as it pressed through both of our jeans, taking my breath away from me. His lips captured mine, pulling my bottom lip roughly with his teeth. I really wanted to do this, truly I did but I still needed to wait a week just to make sure everything was 'back to normal'.

"Rick," I sighed pulling away from him, pressing my hands into his shoulders to stop him from leaning in to kiss me again. "I want to but we can't, not yet," I added softly pressing a light kiss to his lips telling him I really did want him.

"A week? Two weeks?" He asked running his hands up my back, letting me pull my leg back down from his hip.

"About a week, maybe a little longer," I laughed pressing a kiss to his lips before taking his hand in mine, leading him out of the bedroom but not before picking up my finds. "This was what I was talking about," I told him nodding towards the shelves standing in front of us. It was a large bookshelf but I knew he knew what I was talking about.

"Comics," he muttered nodding his ehad as he walked over to the bookshelf, taking the collection of ten comics off of the shelf looking through them. "Captain America, Iron Man, Incredible Hulk, Spiderman, Wolverine. How ironic that these are a few of your favourites," he stated looking to me as he held the comics in his hands. I shrugged at his words coming over and taking the comics from him and picking up a silver watch from the bedside table. I was much like his own watch.

"I found this as well," I held up the watch for him to see, letting him slip the metal from my fingers as he looked down at the silver in his hands. "Thought we'd give him that as well,"

"I think that's a good idea," he concluded looking between the watch and the comics nodding hs head as he took my hand in his, leading me down the stairs and over to the door. "We should get back to the others. We've been gone for two hours now,"

"Sounds like a plan," I muttered glancing back at the houses down the street as Rick pulled me to the truck, which was piled with black bags and boxes. We had taken it to search through the garden sheds as well, taking garden tools and anything we thought would come in handy. Such as the washing lines and rope I had found. They would do for our washing area outside that Carol had mentioned she would love to have.

As Rick started the engine I caught sight of about five walkers coming from the opposite direction. Looks like we decided to leave at the right time.

* * *

"You already got started on it?" I questioned as I followed Rick out of the prison block and into the courtyard where Glenn, Greg and Maggie stood over a metal frame which they had made from the metal recovered from the construction site yesterday.

Not many of us were up. Rick and I had gotten an early call mainly because Judy and Theo both wanted to get up, demanding they get fed. Rick also had a shift this morning but I was expecting everyone else to be asleep. These three looked to have bene up for a while with the amount of building they had gotten done.

"They already have the outside kitchen structure built," Maggie muttered coming to my side, looking down at the baby in my arms. "Hey there little guy," she cooed puffing her cheeks up as she looked down at Theo. He had his eyes opened in a squint, glancing to the brunette in confusion as she talked down at him. "You gonna stay with mommy or do ya want to come to auntie Maggie?" She asked the boy as if he could actually answer her.

"Mags I don't think he'll be answering you yet, he's only five weeks old," I told her shifting the boy in my arms and handing him over to his godmother knowing she would want to cuddle him.

"I'm gonna head down and help Michonne, Sasha and Tyreese with the fences," Rick announced pressing a kiss to the side of my head before heading off towards the lower fields where three of our group were setting up a new gate system.

"Where's Judy?" Maggie asked looking down at the small baby in her arms then looking up to me. I knew what she was thinking. It was unusual for me to be without Judith. I liked to stay close to her because she was so small. Theo had taken most of the nutrients in the womb, leaving Judy with barely anything to grow with. So sue me I was a overprotective mother that liked to stay close to my youngest and weakest baby.

"Beth's taken her off of my hands. I think she's teaching Lily and Becca how to change a diaper or something," I told her watching as Glenn and Greg set up the metal frame that now had two metal roof panels nailed into the top. They placed it near the yard where the bleachers stood by the basketball hoops, but not too close. We still wanted the kids to play having found a basketball a few days ago.

"That's good, I mean it gives you and Rick more time to be alone together." Maggie muttered pressing her lips to Theo's head gently as she gave me a suggestive look. Once again my cheeks flushed at her words.

"I put those condoms in the clinic," I blurted out making sure my voice was low so I wouldn't embarrass the woman. "Feel free to take as many as you want but could you please jot down in the notebook how many you took and your name? I knew it sounds stupid but I'm trying to keep the group safe that way. I'm not sure if we need any more babies around here for a while." I added looking down at Theo as I muttered those words. I knew that had been stressful for everyone. We were better off now than we were then but it was still dangerous to have a baby in these conditions.

"Don't worry I'll make sure I do it," Maggie seemed hesitant as she looked away from Theo and over to Glenn before darting her eyes towards me quickly. "If it was safer, if we knew there would be no problems, I think I'd love to have a baby." There was a sad look in her eye like she had discussed this with Glenn but he had disagreed with her. "Theo's enough for me and Glenn at the moment."

"Maggie … you can mollycoddle Theo any time you want, you don't have to ask me. You're his godmother, if anything happened to me and Rick, if Carl couldn't be there for him, Theo would be your son. I knew it's a lot to ask you both but we trust you to care for him like he's your own," I stated knowing we had already had this conversation but wanting her to believe that it was true. I trusted her with Theo and knew she would protective with her life.

"I know," she whispered shooting her head in the direction of the prison when the metal door rattled open announcing someone else's arrival. Daryl stepped out of the door, his crossbow strung over his shoulder an indication that he was probably off out to hunt. Giving Maggie a small smile I rushed over to Daryl giving him a pleasant smile as I walked with him down to the gate leading to the lower field.

"Good morning Daryl," I greeted him receiving a suspicious look from him not liking that he could read me so well.

"What do ya want?" He question not sounding unpleasant about me being there with him. He knew I was going to ask him for something. It was like he could read my mind.

"You're going hunting right?" A slight nod indicated for me to go with my request. "If it's not too much for you would it be possible to get quite a bit of meat today?"

"Why?" He grunted sliding the gate closed behind us as we made our way down to the four working on the lower fence.

"It's Carl's birthday today, I wanted to make a nice meal tonight for dinner. I know he likes it when you bring back game, especially meaty ones," I told him feeling slightly nervous to be asking him something like this. He chuckled at my words causing me to tilt my head at him in confusion.

"I though ya' wanted me to take ya' watch tonight so ya' could satisfy Rick's needs," he mumbled causing my face to heat as if I was a burning fire. Seriously why did everyone think Rick and I were about to have sex again?

"Wh-what? No, no, no, we are not doing that!" I snapped feeling as if I was explaining my actions to an older brother and not a really close friend.

"You gonna keep 'im waiting then? He'll 'ave a bad case of blue balls if 'ya keep him waitin' any longer," he grunted out stopping halfway down the field, stopping me in my tracks when he placed his hand on my arm. "Ya' want 'im just as bad. I've seen the looks 'ya send 'im. Take my advice. Take 'im up into clinic tonight, give 'im a treat,"

"You've made me blush so much I feel like my cheeks are going to stay this red for the rest of my life," I mumbled placing my cool fingers against my burning cheeks as I glared at him. "I feel like I've just had a disturbing conversation with my older brother after he caught me with my boyfriend,"

"You're both giving each other moon eyes. It's disgusting," he supplied as if that explained where he was coming from.

"So you want me to seduce him?" I asked feeling outstanding by the thought. "I haven't done that … in a while. Do you think he'd want me to? I mean yesterday he wanted to do it but I'm meant to wait another couple of weeks before engaging in those types of … why am I telling you this?" I questioned feeling just as uncomfortable with this conversation as Daryl looked.

"If ya had to wait another couple of weeks than ya won't be lookin' at him the way ya are," he replied sounded disgusted at the direction this conversation was going. "I'm just sayin'. Rick will enjoy Carl's birthday more than the kid will," he added before strutting off, leaving me to stand in the middle of the field by myself.

Daryl was right. I didn't have to wait the full six weeks before partaking in sex again. It's just something us doctors advised people to do seeing as some women tore during birth and it took them a lot longer to heal. I knew I was healed, Kelly had given me an examination three days ago. Hershel said he would have done it but he felt slightly disgusted now that he considered me one of his daughters and felt it better that Kelly did it.

I could do it tonight then. Lure him away from the others once they all went off to the cell blocks, take him up to the clinic and seduce him. But I hadn't seduced him in a while. Way before the end of the world. That was nearly a year ago so I would have been nearly two years since the last time I've had to be sexy. It would feel odd now.

The lingerie. I could use that. I knew that would hold his attention. If his reaction yesterday was anything to go by I could only guess what he'd be like if he saw me wearing it. He was aroused by the thought of me wearing it so if I actually wore it I could only imagine what would happen.

"Mom?" Carl's voice came from beside me startling me from my thoughts. Actually he almost gave me a heart attack. If he was a walker I'd be dead. I turned towards him giving him a brilliant smile as I wrapped my arms around him, pressing a kiss to his head as I pulled him close to my chest.

"Happy birthday baby." I sung rocking him in my arms as I squeezing him, pulling back and pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Thirteen years old. God you're getting old." I teased pressing another kiss to his face ignoring him as he tried to wave me off.

"Mom!" He whined pulling away from me and glancing over his shoulder back towards the prison. I followed his gaze smiling largely when I saw Lily standing by the fence waving down at Carl who lifted his hand and waved back.

"Did I embarrass you?" I asked not able to keep the smile from my tone as I nudge his shoulder lightly as he turned back to me his face burning.

"Mom! Stop!" He begged dropping his head in his hands as if I had ruined his life or something.

"Come on Carl I'm joking," I sighed bringing him into my arms again, holding him lose as I rested my head against his. He was actually starting to get taller than me now. His head half a head taller than mine making it nearly impossible to rest my head on his like I used to. "I love you honey," I whispered tucking his hair behind his ear as I just held him close. I hadn't been able to do this in a while. There seemed to be no time for just me a Carl.

"I love you too mom," he whispered resting his head in my shoulder as he wrapped me in his arms, holding me just as tightly.

"Am I interrupting?" Rick asked causing Carl and I to pull away as we looked to the man that stood beside us a large smile on his face.

"Morning dad," Carl greeted giving the man a smile as he walked into Rick's open arms actually allowing their greeting to be civil. Let's just say the two of them haven't been getting on too well since Carl was grounded.

"Happy birthday son," Rick muttered back pulling away from the boy and out of the hug as he shoved his hand into his pocket pulling out the silver watch I had found yesterday. "Your present," he announced handing the silver over to the boy who was looking down at it in astonishment. "This watch is being given to you from both me and mom. It symbolises that you've turned into a man. We believe that you deserve to be called a man. You've made mistakes, you're gonna learn from those mistakes and you're probably going to make mistakes. We're telling you that we trust you to be able to make those decisions. That boy in the woods … you can't think like that Carl. We give people chances in this world. It may not seem like that but we can't just keep killing the living out of fear. Think if I killed Tyreese or Sasha? Or Michonne, she's good for us. They are good for us. All those people I could have killed and didn't. They are family now, we're all family. You take that watch and you are promising us that you will always do the right thing. Can you promise you'll do that?" Rick asked him extending the speech he had given me last night. He had said something along the lines of what he just said to Carl but it was no way as important and meaningful as that.

"I promise," Carl declared running his thumb over the face of the watch before getting Rick to help him clip it onto his wrist.

"We got you some comics as well," I added running my hand through his hair as I tugged him away from his dad, pushing him towards the prison where I would lead him to his comics. "And some skittles," I teased knowing he loved them just as much as I did. "Race ya," I called out pushing passed him knowing he would have to sprint to catch up with me as I had shoved him in the shoulder causing him to stumbled to the floor as I ran up the field.

"Mom!" I heard him shout from behind me causing me to giggle out as I waved to Maggie as she pulled open the gate with Glenn's help, Theo still in her arms. The smile on her face told me she saw Carl fall to the floor from my shove.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to apologise for all the grammar and spelling mistakes in my chapters - I do proof read them but I always seem to miss some as well xxx Comet96 xxx

Carol had insisted she be the one to make dinner tonight with the game Daryl had bagged – some sort of wild pig. Apparently there were a few of them wondering the woods. Carl was sat at one of the tables playing one of the board games we found in the visitor centre with Beth, Amy, Lily and Becca. The table that seated Hershel, Daryl and Michonne held my attention as they had a load of paper messing up the table as if they were going over notes or something,

"What are you doing?" I asked the three of them, dropping down onto the seat beside Daryl, looking to Hershel knowing it would be him to answer my question.

"Going over the plans you made for the water pump," he stated lifting up the defined plans as an indication that he was actually looking at them. "They are very well detailed. All of them are, I'm rather impressed."

"I didn't design them," I chuckled picking up one of the closest designs, rolling the edge of the paper with my thumb as I glanced at the elder man's confused face. "Glenn designed them all. I'd love to take credit but I just looked over them before passing them on to be built. I have no idea what I'd be doing but it seems Glenn does. Excellent work right? I may be an awesome doctor but I'd never be able to design any of these. The credit goes to your son-in-law," I told him nodding over to the man that was sat beside his wife the pair of them talking as they rocked the twins in their arms. "I'm just the scribe remember, everything has to go through me first before getting done around here. We like to document everything so we can keep on top of things." I added making my voice sound posh casing Hershel to smile lightly and for Daryl to smirk. I was pretty sure Michonne let out a small smirk as well but she would never admit to it.

"I'm thinking we can start building the water pump soon, we've got leftover stuff from the construction site and if we need more we can go back," Hershel continued lifting the plans in the air as he showed off the diagram.

"I'm gonna have to halt you there Hershel," I interrupted remembering that I had planned for tomorrow to be a run day. There were a few things we needed ASAP and I was sure the water pump could wait. "Although I'm looking forward to getting the showers working again I've booked in a run for tomorrow,"

"Booked in a run?" Daryl scoffed shrugging his shoulder as I sent him a glare. It was my job to keep on top of things and if I thought a run needed to be done then it did.

"Yes booked in a run," I stressed rolling my eyes at the hunter as I tapped the large map that was lying on the table with the plans. "There's a superstore centre a few miles down from the construction site. We're running low on practical things. With the amount of us here now we need to stock up before it gets out of hand. Foods alright at the moment. We've still got a large supply from when we first came but I'm not gonna stop any of you from adding more to the stock. Any medical supplies need to be taken. We can never have too many, and hygiene is a big must. If we're gonna have showers working soon I'm pretty sure more than half of us here would appreciate a nice clean and wash.

"Carol wants thick rope to make a laundry line and along with that she'll need laundry power and pegs. Anything to keep her happy, it may not be a washing machine but I'm sure she'll love a laundry area. Also Judy and Theo need new clothes. The baby section is a big must. Anything from that section you grab and bring back here. Bottles, diapers, dummies, teething rings, formula, diaper cream, I mean anything. They may only be five weeks old but they grow so fast and soon they'll be crawling and talking."

"She's right," Carol announced dropping down beside me as she nodded along with my words. "They never stop growing and we're gonna need all that stuff,"

"Have ya made a list?" Daryl asked resting his elbow on the desk as he looked to me before shooting his eyes off towards the stairs of the clinic. I glanced over that way as well to see Kelly sitting on the steps talking to Becca, who was perched in her lap. The girl must have gotten bored with the game and gone to her aunt.

"I'll make one before you go out,"

"Who are you sending out?" Michonne questioned giving me the feeling she wanted to go. She always volunteered for runs, especially if Rick was going out – the two of them had an understanding now.

"Rick, Daryl, Glenn, you, Tyreese and Carl," I told her feeling Hershel's eyes bore into me at the mention of my son's name.

"You're sending Carl out?" I glanced to the man knowing he would question why I was doing so, but nodded at his words. "Why? I thought you had him grounded."

"We do but I feel this is something he needs to do. I knew my son Hershel, he needs to prove to Rick that he can be trusted outside these walls. If I truly plan on taking that away from him until I'm sure he'd be able to deal with a tricky situation I need him to do this." I glanced over to the thirteen year old before looking to Rick. I had yet to talk to him about this but I was sure he'd agree with me. "He knows what it's like out there, hell we all do but I need him to see that people can do good things. Carl going out there for something so important makes him have a purpose, he's got an important job to do and I'm hoping it will show him what he did was wrong. He can't take that back and keeping him locked up in here isn't going to change it. He admits that he did wrong and now he needs to move passed that. I know he'll be protected out there, I chose the toughest, cleverest and quick thinking to go out there. I would trust him with them."

"I can't argue with that," he sighed looking over to the birthday boy as he laughed across the room, poking his tongue out at Beth, obviously having just beat her.

"I suppose I should dish out dinner now then," Carol announced standing from her seat giving us all a small smile before making her way over to the bubbling pots on the gas cookers.

"I'm gonna help her," I muttered rising from the table as well, following the older woman to the 'kitchen' area.

* * *

So taking Daryl's advice was what I seemed to be doing. Rick would be coming off of his duty any minute now and I had already put the twins to bed with Maggie insisting she would watch over them if needed. She too thought it was a good idea to go through with this plan after walking in on my slipping into the sexy lingerie.

While I waited for my husband to get back I was burning the midnight oil – I was being literal having lit the oil lantern to bring some light into the clinic. I thought while I waited I could make that list for the run tomorrow, Daryl had asked for it and it was the least I could do.

"Aren't you supposed to be on duty?" the voice I had fallen in love with over the years asked causing me to look up and away from the list on my desk. As I looked at him then, I realised just how much I really did want him. Daryl had been right after all, I did want my husband again.

"Daryl's taking my shift," I muttered running my eyes down the length of his arms, loving the way his hands settled in his pockets, his arms tensing as he twitched his fingers within the tight jeans. He looked heavenly and I was tempted even more as he stood there all rugged looking, waiting for me to make a move. Well he didn't know I was planning on making a move but I sure as hell intended to make a move.

"That explains why I saw him in the courtyard," Rick stated stepping into the clinic, shutting the door behind him as he moved closer to me, his eyes now taking in what I was wearing. To his eyes it looked like I was only wearing one of his longer shirts, but I was smug enough to know what I really had on underneath. And that made me feel sexy. "Why are you up in here then?" he questioned rested against the edge of the desk, one hand rested on his leg while the other brushed against my loose hair before getting buried within the thick curls.

"There's a few things I've got to do before I go to bed," I mumbled looking up at him through my lashes, poking my tongue out to dampen my lips as I sent a small smile towards him. I wasn't sure how I was going to 'seduce' him but I thought it would be best just to go with the flow and see where that led us.

"Should I leave you to those things?"

"You're included in those few things," I whispered tugging on the arm that was buried in my arm until he was closer to me, pulling him down to my height until I captured his lips with mine. His lips pressed back against mine, his other hand sliding along the length of my arm until he gripped my elbow tightly, pulling me up until I was standing and he was no longer bending down to my height.

I lifted my hands until they were running through his trimmed curls, tugging on the curling ends with force knowing Rick loved it just as much as I did. If there was ever a thing to get him going it would be the rough foreplay. He grunted against my mouth, pulling back slightly until he was looking down at me. There must have been something in my eyes telling him exactly where I was planning on taking this because I could see the moment he realised that this was more than a heated make-out session.

"God," he moaned, pulling me into the space between his legs, wrapping his arms around my lower back, bringing me as close to him as he could as his lips sucked on my lower lip, nipping at it with a little force. It was like he hadn't had a woman for years instead of a few months. Daryl must have been right about Rick needing this more than I thought. It was like he had been dying without this connection between us. I sighed as I brought my arms up, pushing on his shoulders until he released my lips, looking down at me in confusion.

"I wanna show you something first," I told him noting I sounded and probably looked just as flustered as he was.

"I can wait," he grunted sounding as impatient as a three year old. I rolled my eyes at his impatience, slapping his hand lightly as he tried to lift up the shirt covering my body.

"No it really can't," I replied noting the stern tone in my voice as I stepped away from him, reaching to the middle of the buttoned shirt, starting on the middle button before making my way down to reveal the lacy purple material that clung to the shape of my arse, leaving noting to the imagination. I watched Ricks reaction, loving the way he blinked, a frown forming on his face as his eyes followed my hands as they made their way up the shirt, unbuttoning the material until it was showing the full lacy purple lingerie settled against my body. When the lace and silk was hidden beneath the shirt I felt sexier than ever but now that it was revealed I was scared and nervous. The frown on his face made me believe that he didn't want this. If yesterday was any indicator I was under the assumption he wanted me to wear this.

"You know," his voice brought my back to him, my eyes settling in on the bright sparkle that had now appeared in his eyes, the smirk on his face. "This reminds me of that day you lied to me." Was he really going to bring that up? I could remember him mentioning it at Hershel's but thankfully Carl interrupted us then. "There I was returning home for my lunch break because my wife stood me up and what surprise do I get when said wife walks out of the kitchen wearing sexy, tight lingerie."

"You thought I was cheating on you," I reminded him feeling satisfied when his cheeks flushed, his hands flexing against his sides as he growled lightly. "Bet you felt bad when I gave you your birthday present."

"Shut up," he moaned rolling his eyes as I stepped forward with a teasing smile. He grabbed hold of me, his fingers pressing into my hips lightly as he looked down at me, a smile I had seen many times before taking place on his lips. "You look sexier in this though," he added bringing up one hand, running his fingers down the dip between my breasts and down the small of my stomach.

"If you haven't noticed I have recently had twins," I stated lifting my hands resting them on my breasts making sure he was watching as I lifted them slightly. "These are full of milk, therefore they are bigger which means you like them a little more than you normally would,"

"Oh honey, I loved them anyway," he grunted slipping his tongue between my lips, tugging me closer to him, taking away my next words with a soft groan.

* * *

"Someone looks to be glowing," Maggie teased stepping up to my side as we lined for breakfast. I glared at her, shifting Judith in my arms as she smacked me lightly in the face with her arm. Five weeks old and she was already a big fidget.

"Carl's close by," I warned her letting her know I didn't want her to say anything that would alert the boy to what me and his father had done the previous night. Living in a prison and on the road for months beforehand hadn't made him naive to sex but I didn't want to push the thought onto him.

"Just tell me if Rick enjoyed it," she begged her smile growing as the flush in my cheeks got hotter. She would do anything to make this worse for me. "I mean if I was your husband and I saw you wearing a sexy little piece like that then I wouldn't be able to control myself. At least tell me the man lost control and threw you across that desk upstairs?" I felt like I was burning as hot as the sun with her words because she was right. Rick had 'thrown' me on the desk last night, scattering everything that had made the wood its home onto the floor. That had been quite a mess but hell, we had both enjoyed it. It was overdue as well.

"Is dad feeling alright?" Carl asked interrupting my thoughts over last night and the words I was about to say to Maggie. I glanced down at the boy before shooting a look over to said man to see him laughing at something Hershel said, Theo being fed in his arms.

"He looks fine to me," I muttered looking back at Carl to see that he was frowning and shaking his head.

"He's too happy. He's like he was before the end of the world. He's not been like that in months," Carl explained looking back over to his dad, shrugging his shoulders as he accepted a bowl of oatmeal from Carol, and joining Beth, Lily and Becca at one of the tables.

"I'll say you definitely pleased him," Maggie mumbled under her breath as she took two bowls, and led me to the table that sat her father.

"Shut up," I hissed glaring at the back of her head.

* * *

"Do as you're dad says, don't do anything stupid and please stay safe," I whispered to the thirteen year old as I held him close to my chest regretting the idea of sending him out there on a run but knew he had to do it. "And don't argue with anyone," I warned as I pulled away, lifting his chin up so he could see that I meant every word.

"I'll be fine mom," he groaned batting my hand away as he shook his head sending his hair flying in all directions. It needed cutting but the boy had expressed how against that he was. "I love you," he added giving me a smile before walking over to Beth and Amy seeing as the two of them were holding his younger siblings.

"He's right," Rick sighed pulling me into his arms, resting his chin on top of my head, running his hands over my back. "He'll be fine,"

"Keep him safe?"

"You know I will," he assured, pulling away so he was looking down at me. "I would always put him before myself, you know that." I nodded my head at his words accepting the kiss he pressed against my lips believing that all of them would come back from this run today. All of them safe and sound at the end of the night. "We should be back before dark but if we're not have Maggie, Amy and Sasha on watch in case. The bus has its supplies and the minivan's set up for you Maggie, Beth, Hershel, Lily, Becca and the twins. Kelly, Amy, Sasha and Carol will follow you in the truck. Karen already knows the drill and will drive the bus. I'm sure everything will be fine here but I need to know you'll all be safe in case shit hits the fan. Remember you'll be going back to the golf course, left on the highway whereas Karen will be taking the bus right, towards Woodbury."

"I remember Rick," I confirmed going over the plan we had all gone over within the first week in case we needed to make a quick getaway. After all the Governor was still out there and we didn't known what he planned. "And you'll come to the golf course first. If we can't get to the golf course I'll make sure I stick to our plan,"

"And you tell no one the plan. That stays between me and you, okay?" he was stern about it but I knew it was his way to know that I would stay safe with our children until he could find me.

"I promise," I declared pressing my lips to his when I realised Daryl was coming over to us. It was probably time for them to leave. "I love you," I whispered running my hand down his cheek before pulling away, looking towards the hunter. "He's all yours,"


	41. Chapter 41

"They're fine," I assured the man as he looked between me and the two girls. "Nothing wrong with them. No illness just a little skinny but that'll change once they have a few of Carol's meals," I added knowing that Carol could do wonderful things with the lack of food around here.

"You're one hundred percent sure?" the man questioned looking to his two daughters before shooting me a quick glance.

"In this world I can never tell you that I'm one hundred percent sure but I can tell you that those two daughters you have are fine Ryan. Listen I may be out of practice being a doctor but it's not something I could forget that easy. It's like riding a bike,"

"Okay," Ryan stood from the chair he had been sat in, glancing out of the large window of the clinic. He was probably taking in the sight of the group of kids doing their school work. "You said cell 14 in Block D right?"

"Amy will take you, she's got a few supplies for you as well. New clothes for the girls, some for you and a few shower supplies." I told him giving him a bright smile as I took the three new folders from the desk, placing them into the cabinet with the other folders from D Block.

"Lizzie, Mika, come on girls," Ryan called to the two blonde's as he led the way out of the clinic and down to the communal area.

* * *

I didn't need to know the time with the twins. They always woke around the same time every morning for a feed. Beth had been waiting outside the cell, ready for me to poke my head out with Theo in my arms.

I was planning on feeding him first before giving Judith her feed but Beth as always was ready and waiting to take him from me. I told her she didn't need to help but she insisted that she wouldn't let me do it on my own.

That was when Hershel found us, twenty minutes later feeding the twins on the stairs of the cell block.

"Morning girls," he called to us, giving the pair of us that warm smile he wore most mornings. I think the man was thankful to still be alive, like most of us now-a-days. There was never any telling what could happen anymore.

"Morning Daddy,"

"Morning," I replied giving the man a smile as I rocked Judith in my arms. She had fallen asleep during her feed much like her brother had.

"Is he up?" Hershel asked nodding towards the cell I shared with Rick. I looked over to the hanging sheet he indicated to shaking my head at the man's question. Rick wasn't up. He hadn't even woken when Judith cried for her feed.

"Just go straight in Hershel," I mumbled to the man adjusting Judith in my arms as she twitched lightly. I'm sure Rick wouldn't really care about being woken up. Lately he'd been going on a lot of runs. The last couple of weeks alone he'd been out almost every day, turning up only a few hours before curfew. Yeah, curfew. We put one in place the day after Lizzie and Mika turned up with their dad. Lizzie had snuck out of the cell block and walked down to the fence. She almost got bit if it hadn't been for Daryl noticing her on his shift with Michonne. Now no one was a loud out after curfew unless they had a shift.

I honestly don't know how he was doing it. Getting up most morning as soon as they sun came up, out most days until late and then taking a shift at night some evenings after dinner and then repeating the process. I knew Hershel was just as worried as I was. If I could tell anything about the man's actions now it would probably have something to do with that worry he was feeling. Something that would keep Rick in the prison. Beth had mentioned something about her dad and farming.

Another thing that had me bothered was Carl.

I thought he was improving, after his mood swings, getting mad about everything that's happened – I thought he'd gained some control over his anger. But as the days went on and turned into weeks I could tell he was starting to dwindle again, starting to lose the humanity he had left. He only seemed to care when he was around the twins. I hope whatever Hershel was planning for Rick it would involve Carl as well.

"Are you decent?" Hershel's voice shook the thoughts from my head as he called out to my husband receiving a muffled response that had him pulling the sheet to the side. "I've got a little project I need your help with."

"Can't Glenn help ya?" Rick questioned the older man stepping out of the cell, scrubbing at his beard with the palm of his hand. He'd trimmed the hair on his face the night before, keeping it tame and controlled. There were some things from our past that we couldn't forget – Rick keeping his beard trimmed and tamed was something he'd learnt and adjusted to from his time in the police force. I wondered sometimes what he'd look like if he'd just let it grow, let it become more wild.

"Nope this is something I need your help with." Hershel answered, the tone he used stern as he watched Rick ruffle the curls on his head as he peered round the cell block, eyes settling on me.

"I've got a run to go on," he muttered trying to find a way out of this. I smiled at his attempt but knew that Hershel would get his own way. The man was stubborn.

"Daryl and Michonne have already left," Hershel announced causing Rick's jaw to tighten quickly.

"Okay, fine," he grumbled obviously understanding that he wouldn't be getting out of this. He walked back into the cell, out of my view only to be stopped by Hershel.

"You won't be needing that," if I was to assume I would have guessed that he was talking about Rick's gun. He wouldn't go anywhere without it. "Trust me," Hershel added probably seeing the same face I was as Rick stepped back into my view. "Bring Carl with you and meet me outside in the courtyard in five minutes." Hershel told him, walking away leaving Rick standing in the entrance of our cell looking as confused as ever.

"Are you going to hang around looking confused all day or are you going to find Carl and go meet Hershel?" I called over to him as I stood ready to place Judith in her crib. If I could put her down while she was sleeping and then cheekily ask Beth to watch the twins while I went and had a shower. That was one of the things I looked forward to now, with the shower system and water pump put in place. One of the best ideas Glenn had.

"Where –"

"He was with Glenn in the library," Beth interrupted cutting Rick off before he could even ask the question. It made me smile how well she knew him now. It was surprising how well we all knew each other over this last year.

"Oh, okay, thanks," he mumbled running his hand over his beard again as he followed Hershel's direction and left the cell block. I shared a small smile with Beth before setting Judith down in her crib.

* * *

"This is what I'm talking about," I announced rocking Theo in my arms as we joined Hershel, Rick and Carl later that afternoon, the latter two following the directions Hershel was given them. Beth chuckled from beside me, adjusting Judith in her arms as she turned the girl around so she could see her dad and brother.

"There you go, Judith. There you go." Bethy whispered to the girl pointing to Rick as she pressed her lips to the side of Judith's head. "There's your daddy,"

"Put it in at more of an angle." Rick muttered walking over to Carl instructing him to move the plough he had in his hands a different way to it would break through the soil faster. "Whoa." He called out laughing lightly when Carl's sheriff hat fell from his head tumbling into the upturned soil. "Gonna have to get you a farming hat." The smile shared between father and son made my heart warm. At least this would be a way for the two of them to try and get over their differences. "There's a new sheriff in town." Rick stated placing the hat on Beth's head at a slight angle. His words caused us all to laugh, Hershel smiling up from where he was crouched on the floor his eyes shining as he looked up to his little girl.

"How's it look?" Beth asked adjusting the hat on her head sharing a look with me as we both looked to the large smile on Rick's face. I hadn't seen him smile like that in a long time.

"Looks good," he assured her leaning over to me, placing a kiss to my cheek before running his fingers over the dark hair on Theo's head.

"It can be like this all the time." Hershel told him as Rick walked back over to the plot he had been digging the smile dropping from his face as he glanced round at us all, his eyes looking over to the fences behind us before settling on Hershel again.

"It's like this now." Rick muttered smiling a tight smile as he pulled on the gloves Hershel had given him. "That's enough."

"Mom, Hershel says that if we can find a few of the wild pigs out in woods then we can keep 'em, same thing or the horses as well. Wouldn't it be cool if we could have a horse here?" Carl spoke with such excitement that I couldn't keep the smile from my face as I looked to the boy as he went on to explain how they would catch the pigs to Beth, Judith now facing the other way in her arms, head resting against her shoulder as she slept.

When my eyes met Rick I knew then that we were both pleased with the way this was already effecting Carl. If only one day of this was doing something good for him then I couldn't wait to see what it would be like after weeks of this, maybe even months.

* * *

"So your _mom_ is a real piece of work," Carol mumbled coming into the clinic pulling the door ajar after her. The look she was giving me was enough for me to understand that the woman had done something again.

"She's not my mom," I sighed hating the fact that I shared any genes with the woman Carol was talking about. "What's she done now?" I asked dropping the pen I had in my hand, ignoring the notes I had been making.

"She was given some chores – like everybody else around here – but I found her a few moments ago kicked back in her cell taking a nap. She's handed off her chores to Abigal and Gemma."

"I've had it up to here with that woman," I fumed slumping in my chair as I looked around the room trying to calm myself down. I could speak to Rick about it but with the new project he started with Carl and Hershel I don't want to interrupt. The last two weeks had been going great when it came to the three of them and their project. Carl was improving loads and I didn't want to take that from him. Rick also seemed to be coping with things. There had been runs when it came to him, he was fine with Glenn, Michonne, Maggie and Daryl to take over there leading the groups out when needed. Sasha had been a permanent member out in the runs by Daryl's side. "Would it be too much to ask if we kicked her out?" I grumbled looking to the mother figure of everyone here as she rolled her eyes at my suggestion, giving me a soft smile.

"I'm sure I can handle her, let me talk to her,"

"Carol you're not going to hurt her are you?" I questioned frowning when I saw something flash through Carol's eyes. I smiled brightly at the woman when she narrowed her eyes at me. "Not that I care I just don't want you turning into some junked-up, angered bouncer," I teased looking her over indicating that it would be hard to picture her that way. She was tiny in comparison to a bouncer.

"Stop being childish Fay," the woman muttered leaving me in the clinic alone again.

As the door closed behind her I took in a deep breath trying to forget all about my _mother_ as I picked up the pen and got back to my work. On the last run Daryl, Glenn and Sasha managed to get back into Woodbury.

It was the same according to the three off them, except most of the buildings had been burned, some damage caused to the old safe heaven. The three of them deemed it safe enough to go back, the threats from the Governor not that high – he wouldn't still be creeping in the area. It was a lucky shot that they went back. The medical base they had there was stocked, they took everything. I was happy Glenn had been learning that when it came to medical supplies that everything should be taken. I never knew when I needed any of it.

Along with the medical supplied they managed to find a few prosthetic limbs – a few legs – if you'd believe our luck. As soon as they returned they were brought to me and Hershel soon followed. It took a bit of time to find the right one but it had been a week now and the leg seemed to be working for Hershel. He still needed one of his crutches to walk but I was hoping that soon it wouldn't be needed at all. He was progressing quite well.

* * *

"Aunt Fay?" a small voice called softly as I looked out over to Rick and Carl in the field gardening again. Or weeks their project had been in action and it seemed the two of them were really enjoying it – or at least I hoped so. I looked behind me to see Becca clutching her stomach, tears trailing down her cheeks.

"You not feeling well sweetie?" I asked her, taking her hand in mine as I crouched down to her height, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. At the shake o her head more tears slipped down her cheeks as her bottom lip trembled. "It's okay honey," I assured her standing again as I tugged her hand as I walked back into the cell block. "We'll get you a nice warm cloth, some water and snuggle you up into bed. I'll give you something to keep the temperature down, and you'll sleep it off."

* * *

I understood exactly how Becca was feeling. Being sick really made me want to cry so I couldn't blame her for the tears she shed.

I pulled myself up from the toilet, wiping my mouth with my hand and stumbled my way back to my cell, dropping down on the bed as my limbs seemed to grow heavy just at that moment.

* * *

"Fay, honey?" a soft voice whispered as fingers brushed against my ace startling me awake. I had to blink a few times before Rick came into view, a worried look across his face. "Beth said you were sick? You feeling okay?"

"Tired," I mumbled leaning against him sighing when I was met with cold hands. It was obvious he'd just come back from being outside. I was happy about that.

"You feeling any better? Kelly said she found you passed out in the hallway coming back from the showers. She gave you some pills to fight off the temperature. Becca and Lily have the same thing as well." Rick informed me but I just snuggled closer to him as I tried to shake off the sick feeling I was getting again.

"I'm gonna sleep," I mumbled waving a hand at him as I ignored him, trying to snuggle back into the bed.

* * *

"You're a sight for sore eyes," Carol muttered pressing a kiss to the side of my head when I stumbled out of the cell block and into the communal area four days later. I gave her a slight smile as I accepted the bowl of soup from her. My stomach was rumbling and I was so happy at the sight of food. It had taken longer than I thought to fight off the flu – something Kelly had figured out from the symptoms Becca, Lily and I shared.

"What'd I miss?" I asked her settling against the wall as I brought the spoon up to my lips taking in everyone around me. Amy was sat with Beth, the twins in their arms as they sat beside Becca and Lily making sure the two of them eat while Daryl and Kelly sat off by the stairs leading to the clinic. The rest of the group assembled from the old Woodbury residents and new arrivals all seemed to be scattered around the area, some of them probably off doing chores or outside.

"Well Theo seems to like the attention, he babbles away all the time now," Carol pointed out directing her eyes towards the eldest of the twins as we could hear him from over here. He'd started doing that sometime last week. Rick was so surprised when he'd reached down to lift Theo to hear the boy blabber out a load of nonsense.

"And Judy?" I questioned setting my eyes on the youngest seeing her in Beth's arms as the blonde spoke to her.

"Only starts babbling when Rick's around. She's already turning into a daddy's girl," Carol explained handing off a bowl to someone as she turned her eyes back to me. "It won't be long before they're crawling, talking and walking. They grow up so fast,"

"Yeah well I sure hope Rick ready for all that. It's going to be funny watching him when they're shooting off, screaming and running around the place." I muttered waving a wand to Carol in goodbye as I walked over to join Amy and Beth.

* * *

"What do you think about them?" Rick asked playing with Judith's strawberry hair as he nodded towards the new group that had joined us only this afternoon. I knew what his concerns were about. Six of them, all young – around twenty to twenty-one. If there were any threats to us it would be in the form of these new people.

"I've spoken to them all, had to do their medical and all that. They all seem to be rather lost. College lot, been surviving together since the outbreak, there was more of them but a big group of young students seems to get picked off fast. They all look to that guy, Zach," I told him pointing out the brown-haired man that seemed to be the leader of the small group. "Apparently he stopped the two females from being raped by this other group. The six of them managed to escape and the four boys have made it their jobs to protect the girls. None of them have been touches in anyway. Sophie and Alexia told me that Zach made sure that the three other boys knew not to touch them. Sophie said that her, Alexia and Zach were all on the same course and the other three happened to be with them when the outbreak started.

"If I was to say anything about them it'll probably be hard-working and trustworthy. You don't manage to stay together or nearly a year, two girls and four boys of they didn't have respect and followed the rules we left behind. They managed to survive. I'm sure they're good Rick. Give them some trust. They passed the questions at least." I stated knowing that Daryl and Glenn had asked the mandatory questions when they found the group. They wouldn't have brought them back if that wasn't so.

"I'm starting to get what everyone said when they told me you were too good for me," he grumbled pressing a soft kiss to the side of my face causing me to chuckle at his words. Back when we first got together many people thought I was out of Rick's league. Actually a lot of them told him that as well. Said I was too smart and beautiful for him. Well I guess they never really understood anything about love.


	42. Chapter 42

"So we haven't done this in a long time," Maggie muttered pulling her blanket around her tighter as she climbed onto the bed between me and Beth. Amy and Kelly were sat at the bottom of the bed looking back at us, Amy peering behind her to make sure that the twins were settled in their cribs.

The five of us had managed to clamber on the bed, having decided that afternoon that we were in need of a girl's night. Maggie was right of course. It had been a long time. Between us on the bed was a pile of chocolate that Daryl managed to save.

Rick was on watch with Daryl and I knew Glenn was probably outside with them as well. They were probably doing a similar thing to us without the chocolate and giggling. It was nice just to have moments like this where we could all pretend everything was normal.

"I agree," Kelly sighed pulling open her chocolate as she handed us a bar each. "We should do this more often, maybe during the afternoon or something. Call it a mother's meeting."

"Fay's the only mother here," Beth pointed out earning a small glare from Kelly as she threw a chocolate bar at the youngest girl.

"Technically Kelly's basically a mom as well now," I stated reminding everyone that she had taken on her two nieces. If that didn't make her a mom I don't know what would.

"Enough of this nonsense," Maggie interrupted waving her hands before turning her eyes onto me. "I know you took my advice about seducing Rick, Daryl let it slip what you and your husband were doing on Carl's birthday," she pointed out getting down to what I expected was her business. My cheeks flushed at her words as the other three turned to face me as well obviously wanting details about that night.

"I am allowed to do that sort of thing with _my_ husband!" I stressed out tucking my curls behind my hair as I couldn't help but feel like I was being judged by them all.

"Hey we ain't judging you," Maggie declared waving her hand towards Amy and Kelly as the two of them shook their heads agreeing with the brunette. "Hell I'm happy you got a bit of action after everything the two of you have been through,"

"How many times have you sneaked off to the clinic to get some action?" Kelly asked reminding me once again why I had questioned our friendship in the past. She was louder than me and slightly more crude, her relationship with Daryl had certainly added to that.

"Once!" I exclaimed groaning when Beth elbowed me in the ribs in a warning. None of us wanted to wake up the twins. "It's only happened once, Carl's birthday and that's it. We haven't really had the time. Rick's busy all the time still being the leader although we have the council now. I've got the twins to look after and the clinic," I told them scratching at the back of my neck as Maggie looked shocked at my words.

"That's … that's despicable. You should be spending more time as husband and wife,"

"Mags, me and Rick have been married for five years. We're no longer in the honeymoon period, not like you and Glenn. We can manage without having sex every hour of the day." I explained smirking when her face flushed at my words.

"We don't have sex every hour," she grumbled punching my arm slightly as she rested her head against mine. These four girls here (woman really) were like my sisters. I knew that the five of us shared that thought and I knew that everyone here knew that we felt that way about each other.

"You and Rick should be able to spend more time together," Amy supplied giving Maggie a smile. It was like they wanted me to sleep with my husband. I didn't need that all the time. Me and Rick had wonderful relationship with such an unbreakable connection. It didn't matter if we were having sex or holding hands. We loved each other and that wasn't going to ever stop.

"If Rick wants sex he sure ain't going to stop from asking me," I ensured them all knowing what my husband got like when he was … eager.

"Yeah, that man's a monster," Kelly teased reminding us all that she knew me, Rick and Carl before the outbreak. Her words had everyone laughing. Even a blushing Beth.

"Okay, okay change of subject," Amy breathed out checking on the twins again as if she was afraid our laughs woke them. "What's your favourite baby names?" she questioned an unusual look plastered across her face as she turned away from the sleeping babies.

"Obviously Theodore," I told her nodding in the direction of the sleeping boy in his crib.

"But say you already had Theo and you needed another name? And you never named Judith so you can't tell me that was your favourite name," she went on giving me a pointed look. It was a good point. I never named Judith. And if I was to name her it would have been after someone we had lost, Sophia maybe. I shrugged at her question wondering why it even came up.

"Andrea loved the name Elizabeth for a girl, she wanted to call her son Jacob. She would have been a wonderful mom. She never really got on with me, we argued a lot but she would have been a great mom," Amy sighed a sad smile on her face as she remembered her sister.

"She would have been great," I agreed remembering how kind Andrea had been before she fell for the Governor. He'd manipulated her and then eventually killed her.

"I always loved the names Logan and Thomas," Beth admitted giving Amy a soft smile that said many things. "For boys I mean. I was always so confused when it came to girls names. There are so many I like, I always change my mind. Maybe Lindsey or Luna,"

"Eric, James and Michael," Maggie inserted so fast it almost startled me.

"You been thinking hard about this Maggie?" I questioned sending her a teasing look as I dropped my eyes to her flat stomach. "There something you wish to tell us?"

"Oh shut up," she whined pushing me slightly which almost had Beth falling to the floor as I bumped into the blonde. "I thought we were all playing the game,"

"What about girls?" Beth asked rolling her eyes at me as she shuffled back onto the bed, getting comfortable.

"Evelyn and Clara," she said a smile forming on her lips as she looked to her little sister. "Glenn loves the name Evelyn,"

"I've always been fond of the name Naevia," Kelly broadcast, kicking me lightly when I mumbled under my breath. "Naevia-Fay, after my not so wonderful best friend." She added making sure she was looking me in the eyes when she spoke. It was sad really. Kelly would never be able to name her daughter that, not after what happened. "Joshua for a boy, maybe Christopher as well, I'm not really sure."

"Oscar is a wonderful name. It also reminds me of Oscar, it's seems so long since he was alive. It's barely been our months yet it eels longer than that." Amy muttered reminding me of the man that had promised to protect us and had died trying. "I love the name Chloe for a girl as well, such a sweet name."

"Have you thought of any names yet?" Beth asked turning to face me with raised eyebrows. I guess I had names I liked, names I could have named the twins.

"Albie and Winifred for girls," I told her looking away from her blue eyes as I smiled at Kelly. "Can you remember when Rick told me I always thought of unusual names or old fashioned names when we first thought of having kids?"

"Yeah and he was so keen on calling a boy Harrold," she announced causing Maggie to choke on her drink at the words.

"Did you think of any boys names?" Amy questioned an intrigued look in her eye.

"My favourite was always Theodore but I suppose a close second would be Atticus, or maybe Quenton-Michael. I always like Abel as well."

"I like those names, especially Atticus," Beth mumbled the smile she had on her lips one that told me she was getting tired.

"Nana liked Atticus as well," I mumbled resting my head against the wall as I looked at Kelly and Amy in front of me as Maggie rested her head on my shoulder and Beth buried herself under the covers on my other side.

* * *

"It was as Harry dodged another Bludger, which went spinning dangerously past his head, that it happened." I read from the frayed book looking to Judith as she seemed to listen to me as she lay on her belly on the bed. Beth had found the first Harry Potter book in the library and thought I might like to read it after Carl told her how much of a fan I was. I decided to read it to the twins, but Theo had fallen asleep a chapter a go leaving just me and Judith.

"His broom gave a sudden, frightening lurch. For a split second, he thought he was going to fall." I made sure to play with the tone of my voice, keeping her entertained as I held the book in front of me as I sat on the floor beside the bed. As Judith was laying on her stomach, something she always seemed to enjoy, I thought it would be nice if she could see my face as I read to her.

"He gripped the broom tightly with both his hands and knees. He'd never felt anything like that. It happened again. It was as though the broom was trying to buck him off. But Nimbus Two Thousands did not suddenly decide to buck their riders off." As I spoke Judith slowly lifted her head up, connecting her eyes with mine before lurching to the side, rolling onto her back. A large smile spread across my face as I smiled brightly at her, dropping the book on the floor and cradling her in my arms. "Aren't you a cleaver girl Judy?" I cooed seeing the smile on her lips as she exposed her gums babbling away to me as if answering.

The sound of clapping brought my attention to Judith again as she clapped her hands together before waving her arms in the air as she cooed and giggled. She seemed to like the attention I was giving her as she tugged on a strand of my hair chatting away again as I rested her on her back as I sat beside her on the bed. It wouldn't be long until both she and Theo are sitting up on their own without help. Then they'd be crawling.

* * *

"You're such a good boy," I cooed to Theo as he laughed at me as I dangled his teddy in front of him as he tried to reach up for it. His fingers grasped the foot, tugging the teddy towards him as I let go. "There you go,"

"Mmmmm," he mumbled putting the foot of the teddy into his mouth as he chewed on the material. He was already getting so big and it suddenly came as a surprise when I realised that the twins were now at least five and a half months old. Nearly half a year since they were born, nearly a year and a half since the outbreak.

"What you thinking about?" Rick asked running his hand over the side of my stomach reminding me of the conversation we had last month.

"The twins, they're five and a half months old now. It's gone so fast," I mumbled resting my head against his shoulder as we both looked down at Theo.

"Where's Judy?" he questioned looking to the empty crib beside Theo's as he sat down on the bed tugging me into his lap.

"Beth took her to play with Mika and Becca. I think they're all fascinated that the twins can sit up with help now," I mumbled pressing my face into his neck, placing a soft kiss over his pulse.

"Did Michonne get what you asked for?" his question was innocent but I couldn't help but be washed over by guilt at the thought of it.

"Yep," I sighed pulling away from locking my eyes with his. What would he think?

"And?" he was patient about it but I could see the fear in his eyes as well. This would be problematic.

"Positive," I let out softly watching his face as a small smiled pulled at his lips before he pressed them to mine. He knew how I felt about it but we both knew before the test what our answer was. We didn't need to take the test to know.

"Okay,"

"Are we doing the right thing?" I asked him pulling away again so I could lock my eyes with his once more. "I mean isn't it a bit reckless? We both know when it happened, right? Four months ago, Carl's birthday. The twins were barely a month old then."

"Fay, hon, we're going to be alright," Rick promised taking my hands in his gently as he brought them up, pressing my fingers tom his lips. The smile in his eyes was brighter than the small smile on his lips but he didn't take his eyes from mine as he rested his warm hands on my stomach. "This baby is going to be loved. Just like Judy and Theo,"

"You're having another baby!" a familiar voice called out, anger evident in their voice. Rick and I stood at the same time, me slipping from his lap as we faced the boy standing in the entrance of our cell block.

"Carl," Rick started trying to calm the boy before anything got out of hand.

"No don't!" Carl snapped glaring at his dad before directing his eyes to me, well more like my stomach. There was a small bump there but with the shirt I was wearing – it was one of Rick's – no one would notice it. "You don't understand do you? You think you're protecting people but you keep on putting us in danger. You're putting mom in danger. You do remember last time right? When mom almost died? Theo almost died. Oh I guess not you weren't here, you went crazy."

"Carl!" I shouted shocked that he would bring that up again. Rick knew what he'd done wasn't okay, he was trying to get over it. He'd worked it out.

"Shut up!" he shouted back glaring at me this time as he turned back to ace Rick. "You're killing her. That baby is going to kill here. Wasn't it enough just to have Judith and Theo? To have me? Do you need this baby as well? It's going to get her killed!"

"We know that, you don't think we know?" Rick started softly trying to calm Carl down as it was bound to draw attention.

"There's nothing we can do about it now Carl," I told him knowing that if we wanted to get rid of the baby – not that I did – it was too late. "I'm four months pregnant now, this baby's going to have to come. I'm sorry if you don't agree with us but we can't change it now."

"You're stupid, both of you!" he exclaimed before turning and running from the cell leaving us standing there at his exclamation.

"He'll have to except it," Rick mumbled sighing deeply as he dropped back down onto the bed.

"I just hope he doesn't resent us for it," I grumbled joining him on the bed.

* * *

"He still not accepting it yet?" Michonne asked nodding to the bulge now noticeable under Rick's shirt. I rubbed my hand over the bump as I settled Theo on my hip, the boy keeping his head up as he looked to the woman in front of me with a large smile. I knew being around the twins made Michonne uncomfortable but she was working on it. She couldn't actually avoid them, not with being friends with me and Rick.

"Not really," I grumbled setting Theo on the floor as I took a seat waiting for Michonne to sit with me. I rested my eyes on Theo as he reached forward for a toy before looking to her. "You think you can talk to him?" I asked her knowing that she and Carl had been getting on quiet well recently. She was the friend he needed, even though he had Patrick, the older boy was lovely, but I knew he enjoyed Michonne's company.

"I'll try," she agreed giving me a rare smile as she glanced down to Theo as he crawled over to another toy. It had been a month since Carl found out about the new baby. Honestly I expected him to react this way when I was carrying the twins. "Did you go for your check-up?"

"Hershel says everything's fine, no problem so far. Just got to take it easy." Kelly and Amy had taken over the clinic duties and weren't letting me do a single thing. Beth had also taken it as a sign that I wasn't allowed to push myself when it came to the twins so she would always be hanging around.

Everyone besides Carl seemed happy about this baby. Even if Maggie said it was unexpected – just like the twins had been. So much for using protection when having sex. I think that had Maggie and Glenn on edge.

"Just take it easy, alright. If you need anything just ask, okay." She muttered standing from the chair, resting her hand on my shoulder and leaving me as Beth walked over with Judith.

"What did daddy say?" she questioned playing Judith down beside Theo as she took the seat Michonne was sat in previously.

"Everything's fine, just got to take it easy." I told her smiling as Becca, Lily and Mika came in and sat with the twins, playing with them.

"Carl's going to come around, you know that right?" Beth mumbled taking my hand in mine, squeezing it lightly.

"I know,"

"It's going to be fine," she stated firmly obviously not believing me. I was finding it hard for Carl to except everything. He was getting cold again, questioning everything. "Did Dr. S do a check-up as well?" she suddenly asked reminding me of the doctor that had joined us a couple of months back with Patrick. There was over thirty people excluding our original group now living here with us. That at least made it near fifty people. That was a lot of people.

"No he watched in with Hershel but was confident with Hershel's assessment. He knew your dad was there during the pregnancy with the twins. I think he trusts his judgement, and my own," I muttered getting the feeling that Caleb trusted me when it came to the child growing inside me. I was after all still a doctor as well.

"No one blames you and Rick for the new baby you know," she suddenly said gaining my attention. "We all know things like this happen. Accidents. And you can't tell me it wasn't an accident either. Maggie and I heard you explaining it to daddy. We're actually happy about it. It may seem quite soon after having the twins but things like this happened in the old world. It's not like you purposely tried to get pregnant again. It was simply an accident. Daddy always said things happened for a reason. That baby in there was meant to be born now. No one can change that."


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes xx Comet96 xx

The afternoon was much like the morning as I stepped out of the prison and into the courtyard. Carol was talking with Amy over by the fence, in their hands crowbars ready to take down some of the walkers at the outer fences. Carol smiled over at me her eyes dropping to the empty basket in my hands.

"I hope you'll be careful with that!" she called over to me causing Amy to glance my way as well.

"Yeah we don't want you going into early labour!" Amy gibed letting out a laugh as Carol pushed her shoulder probably telling the girl off. Ever since Andrea died the two of them seemed to have a deeper connection. I was pretty sure Carol saw Amy as a daughter now.

"I'm only five and a half months pregnant Amy," I stated resting one hand on the large bump protruding from my hips. "I've still got a while yet,"

"Five and a half months? Are you sure about that?" she joked nodding towards the hand that rested on my stomach.

"Hey I'm not that fat!" I accused winking at her to let her know I was joking.

"You need to stop telling Daryl and Michonne to bring you back all that food on their runs,"

"Okay you two, let's stop the teasing. We have work to do," Carol interrupted sending me a smile as she took hold o Amy's arm and lead her through the gate as a few of the others on fence duty walked over. "Catch you later Fay!"

"See ya," I replied to the two woman before making my way to the washing area. It seemed everyone had taken me off of doing heavy-duty jobs such as being on watch, clearing the fences and working in the clinic – anything that kept me on my feet too long. I was getting annoyed with it. When I was pregnant with the twins I was doing the same amount as everyone else right up until I gave birth. Of course Rick tried to explain that it was because of the birth of the twins that had everyone worrying over this baby.

"Hey Mrs Grimes," Patrick said softly as he passed me as I was pegging down the washing. He looked slightly nerves as he walked by but I knew that was just the person he was. Always worrying about something.

"Hey Patrick, you okay?" I asked him setting my hand against my stomach as the baby sent me a kick. I'd been feeling the baby move for over a week now.

"I'm fine Mrs Grimes, just a bit hot. I'm heading inside to finish reading my book," he replied running his hand in his hair as he shifted on his feet unsure of what to do.

"Well I hope you enjoy your book Patrick," I mumbled waving him off so he could go inside.

"Thank you Mrs Grimes," the amount of time I had told the boy to call me Fay and he still called me Mrs Grimes. As the boy wandered off I turned back to the washing, pulling the last item of clothing off of the line, folding it and placing it in the basket.

Bending down to pick up the basket I froze, gasping out in pain as a sharp, stabbing feeling shot through my stomach and up my back. I dropped to my knees quickly, resting one hand on the floor while the other hand rested on my stomach as I took in a deep breath. That wasn't right. I knew it wasn't right.

"Stay calm," I muttered taking in a struggling breath as I leant forward on my hand, squeezing my eyes shut as the sharp pain ran through me again. "Oh my god!" I shouted through clenched teeth trying not to be too loud. I didn't need anyone panicking thinking walkers or something had managed to get in.

"Mom!" Carl's voice yelled sounding strained before I felt warm hands grabbing my face. I saw the panic in his eyes when he lifted me head until our eyes locked. "What's wrong? Is it the baby? What can I do?"

"Just … give me a moment," I grumbled squeezing my eyes shut again as I let out a deep breath.

"It's the baby isn't it? Are you losing it? Please, I didn't mean it when I said I didn't want this baby. I'll love him just as much as I love Theo and Judy. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry mom," he cried dropping to the floor beside me, his arms resting on his knees as he cried into his hands. It was heart-breaking to see. For Carl to think it was his fault that something was wrong.

As the pain ran through me again I felt my stomach shift under my hand and I knew instantly what was happening. I wasn't losing the baby. The baby was just moving into a different position. A very uncomfortable experience apparently.

"Hey," I mumbled softly, reaching out for Carl's hand and placing it on my stomach next to mine. "You're overreacting, the baby's just moving," I told him watching as he lifted his head, his eyes resting on my stomach.

"So you're fine?" he asked weakly and I could see then just how much pain he was in. He thought he was losing his little brother or sister. He knew what that felt like before when we thought we'd lost Theo but he had also thought he lost me. He knew what would have happened if I was losing the baby. I probably wouldn't survive that in this world. There could be so many things that could have gone wrong.

"Yeah I'm fine," I assured him as he got to his feet offering me his hand. "Just hurt like hell is all," I admitted as he helped me to my feet. Carl grabbed the basket of clothing from the floor before looking up at my sheepishly.

"I'm sorry about everything I said before. About not wanting the baby. I was just angry. After everything that happened before with the twins, I just don't want to lose you. Dad would feel guilty if you died and I know Judith and Theo need you. And I need you too. If you died because of this baby we'd all be a mess."

"Carl if I asked you to save this baby over me I want you to do it," I told him knowing he wouldn't like it.

"What, no!" he cried out stopping in his track as we started towards the prison. "I wouldn't do that!"

"Yes, you need to. Just think how I would feel if this baby died. I'd be devastated. It would be the same if you died, or Judy or Theo or your dad. You know how hard it is losing someone. I would never forgive myself if I chose my life over my baby's." I paused as I looked at him, seeing the tears shining in his face. "I know you think me and your dad were stupid to let this happen again, but you need to know that we never intended it. Sometimes things happen that we don't plan. Hell this whole apocalypse thing is a great example of that. There are some things we can't control and then there are things we can control. If I asked you to save this baby over me I want you to do that. We have control over that and I think at the end of the day when you look at your little brother or sister you'll be happy you made that choice as well. Just think what it would be like without Judy or Theo? That would be horrible right? Now think about this little defenceless baby that didn't get asked to be brought in this world. Don't you think he deserves a chance as well?" I asked him, resting my hand on his shoulder hoping he'd understand what I was trying to say.

"I think it would be a horrid world without Judy or Theo. We wouldn't have as much love and hope into his world without them here. They give us a reason to keep fighting. Just like this baby will," he stated giving me a small smile of understanding.

"Come on, let's go inside," I muttered leading him towards the prison again happy that we had solved our differences. "You need to apologise to your dad," I added smiling as he rolled his eyes and grumbled under his breath. He was so much like Rick it was hard not to smack their heads together when they both got to be stubborn.

* * *

"Morning, Daryl."

"Morning, Daryl."

"Hey, Daryl!" The calls many of the new-comers alerted me of Daryl's arrival to the outside cooking area. Carol had been manning the 'kitchen' with the help of Patrick while I had been simply handing her plates and dishing rice onto each one. When I looked up Daryl nodded to the morning calls before settling on the opposite side of Carol.

"Smells good." He announced taking the bowl of meat she handed over with a small smile.

"Just so you know, I liked you first." She teased sending me a look that allowed me to know she was joking.

"Yeah, I did to. Remember you're Judy's godfather, you're my brother Daryl," I added winking at Carol as the man we were teasing groaned, rolling his eyes.

"Stop it. Both of you." He warned looking between us before glancing back to the people sitting behind us. "You know, Rick brought in a lot of them, too."

"Not recently." Carol pointed out and I nodded alongside her. Rick hadn't gone on many runs as of late, rather deciding to stay in here and work on the gardens. "Give the stranger sanctuary, keeping people fed, you're gonna have to learn to live with the love."

"I agree with Carol," I stated standing from the chair I had been put in by said woman, resting a hand on my stomach as I took a plate of food from the side. "People are just gonna love ya Daryl," I reminded him letting him actually remember that many of these people had been afraid they were near death when he saved them.

"Oi, Rick told me about yesterday." He said quickly, grabbing my arm to stop me from walking away from him. "Will ya be a little careful with my nephew in there." he nodded towards me stomach giving me a small smile but I knew he was serious.

"Of course, but I'll have you know that it wasn't my fault the baby decided to move and make it painful while he did it," I grunted giving him a look before I wandered off to find my husband.

* * *

The sun felt nice on my skin and I knew Rick felt better having me in my sight. I had spent all morning out here, only going inside to check up in the twins before coming back down with Hershel. I had brought Theo down with me, Judy was with Amy and I could tell by how groggy she was that she wouldn't enjoy it out here. Theo on the other hand was enjoying it. The seven month old boy found it very fun to play in the mud. He was sat in a pile of it, balanced by himself – something him and Judy had master a couple of weeks ago – and grabbing at the soil.

"These leaves are gonna be in the shade, so we won't get any good fruit from it. So we just pinch it off here. Things break, but they can still grow. These little bristles, they'll take root and we'll have a whole new plant." Hershel explained to Rick but I could see that he was watching Theo, a small smile on his face.

A whistle shot through the air and it was a noise we were familiar with, even if it had been a while since we heard it. Michonne was back from her Governor hunting. Stupid name really but I had nothing better to call it seeing as that was what she was doing.

"Let's go." Rick ordered, calling Carl into action as he stood by the pig pen. I shared a look with Hershel before picking Theo up and making my way over slowly.

"Look Theo, Aunt Michonne's back. Let's see what she's brought back for your big brother." I cooed to him watching as she handed over something to Rick. I reached them the same time Daryl did.

"Well, look who's back." Daryl called to her as he came to a stop on his bike. I stepped beside Rick, looking over to Carl as he took the horse over to the homemade stable, noting that he was watching.

"Didn't find him." it was obvious who she was talking about. I don't think anyone was expecting her to find the Governor.

"Glad to see you in one piece."

"I'm thinking of looking over near Macon." The look Rick was giving her was one that I knew she would fight. "It's worth a shot."

"Miles of walkers. You might run into a few unneighbourly types. Is it?" Daryl questioned not receiving a reply as Theo's babble cut into the conversation drawing attention to him. Rick took the boy from my arms, pressing a kiss to his head as he glanced at Michonne waiting for her to say something. "I'm gonna go check out the Big Spot. The one I was talking about, just seeing."

"Yeah, I got to go out and check the snares. I don't want to lose whatever we catch to the walkers." Rick replied avoiding the look I was giving him as I glanced between him and Daryl.

"I'll go." Michonne announced stepping toward the cars only to stop when Carl spoke.

"You just got here." The boy exclaimed and I knew he was worried about her. The two of them had gotten close over time and I knew he saw her as his best friend even with the age difference.

"And I'll be back." She assured him giving him a smile before heading to one of the cars. The disappointment on Carl's face was enough to let me know he would be upset if anything had happened to her. She had become one of us even if she wasn't with the original group, she had been here longer than any of the others, just like Sasha and Tyreese.

"I'm gonna take Theo back for his bottle," I sighed taking the boy off of Rick as the cars rolled out knowing that he was going out to check the snares anyway. And he wouldn't listen to me about taking his gun. I'd been asking him for days and he ignored me.

* * *

"Hey, can I ask you a question?" Maggie asked as she rocked Judy in her arms while I changed a dirty Theo out of his sick-covered onesie. The little guy still had trouble keeping down his milk cause he was a greedy bugger and drunk it too fast.

"You just did but go on," I muttered pressing a kiss to Theo's feet as I slipped them into onesie. This little guy was making me go through a lot of washing. This was his third onesie of the day. Maybe I'd just put on of those bibs on him next time.

"When you thought you were pregnant how did you act?" she asked slowly not looking up at me when I glanced to her. Shit. Was she pregnant?

"The first time or this time?" I asked not really expecting her to answer. "I never really thought I could be pregnant the first time. Me and Rick had been trying for years for a baby and I didn't fall pregnant once. I wasn't expecting to actually be pregnant, and through all this shit I never really thought about it. The second time though I knew as soon as I started craving chocolate cake. That seems to be me tell-tell sign. I seem to get a craving for it, only this time round the craving was noticeable earlier on." I looked at her carefully, examining her body like I would if she was a patient coming in for an examination. She didn't look pregnant but she could be really early into it. "Do you think you're pregnant?"

"There might be a possibility." She whispered, biting her lip as she glanced at me. I could see the tears in her eyes and knew how scared she was. Hell I had been scared the first time and I was shitting myself this time. "I'm so scared and I'm not sure I can do it. I mean remember everything with you. I almost had to cut your baby out of you. Hell we almost killed Theo because we thought he was dead."

"Look Maggie the only real way we're gonna know if there's a baby cooking in there is if you take a test. I've got a few in the clinic. I knew I'm not meant to be working in there but Kelly's gone off to teach the kids some first aid so I can sneak one out for you." I told her resting Theo down in his crib, watching as the boy snuggled into his blanket before settling down. Maggie placed Judy into her crib, both the babies already falling asleep.

"That'll be great thanks." She whispered taking my hand and giving it a squeeze as I pulled her out of my cell and towards the clinic.

* * *

The prison was quiet tonight. No one seemed to be walking around, talking or laughing. It seemed everyone had settled in for an early night and after the events today I couldn't blame anyone. It always hit us when someone died and I wasn't expecting Zach to die and his friends certainly weren't either.

"Hey sweetheart," a gruff voice muttered softly disturbing me from my thoughts as I looked away from the book I had been attempting to read. Rick stood at the entrance of the cell, dropping the curtain into place as he kicked off his boots.

"Hey," I whispered lifting my arm out for him as he stripped off his jeans and fell into bed. I wasn't bothered about the sweaty shirt, the sheets were going to be washed tomorrow anyway, and it was after all laundry day. "Are you feeling better?" I asked knowing he'd been upset about the woman in the woods earlier. He told me about it but I knew he had spoken to Hershel about it after as well. But I could see that there was something else on his mind as well.

"Yeah, I'm feeling better," he mumbled wrapping me in his arms, settling one hand on my nearly six month bump, rubbing his thumb over the sticking out belly button that seemed to have formed with this pregnancy. "How's this little guy doing?"

"Why does everyone assumed it's a boy?" I asked him, turning slightly to look at him as I nodded towards the end of the bed. "We got a boy and a _girl_ the last time. This could be a girl as well you know. Two boys, two girls. It would be nice for it to be even."

"Nah, it's a boy. Everyone thinks so, no one thinks this little guy is a girl." He commented pressing his lips to my head as he glanced at the end of the bed as Judy let out a whine in her sleep. He waited a while before looking back to me when she went back to sleep. "We should think of names. I want to have a name agreed in case something happened. If I go I want to have agreed on a name and if you go while having the baby I want to be certain you'd be happy with the name."

"I don't think that's going to happen but I understand where you're coming from." I told him, resting my head on his shoulder as I thought back to the names I had mentioned to the girls. "Winifred," I whispered after a while know he'd understand what I was talking about. I felt him chuckle at my words knowing he wouldn't really argue with me.

"Okay but we're calling her Winnie instead though," he agreed running his other hand through my hair as I nodded my head.

"Or Freddie, that's an lovely abbreviation of her name." I added loving the boy's name for a girl. "What about a boy? I technically won last time so if you don't want to lose this time you better give me a damn good name."

"Rick Jr," he teased knowing I wouldn't call him that even if he was being serious. "Nah I'm kidding. Maybe after Daryl though, Dixon or something. Glenn-Dixon or something." It was a lovely name really but I didn't know how I felt about naming the baby after people we knew. It's like when Carl was trying to name Judy, I didn't want the baby to be a reminded to everyone of someone we lost. If we lost the two of them then everyone would be in pain when the saw the baby. "What names have you got?"

"Abel, or Quenton-Michael." I told him not including Atticus with the names because I don't think I'd be able to use it. It made me think of nana too much and I don't know if I wanted that in this world. She didn't need to be thought about in this world.

"I love the names, which one do you prefer?"

"I don't know, I guess we'll have to chose when we see him, if the baby turns out to be a him. I don't really care which name he gets."

"Because you technically won again? So it's agreed. For a girl Winifred and for a boy Abel or Quenton-Michael." He announced resting both hand on my stomach as the baby kicked as if agreeing with us.

"It seems Junior agrees," I yawned shuffling down the bed and resting in Rick's arms as I settled down to sleep.


	44. Chapter 44

"Bababa," was what woke me at half five. I knew it was half five as I glanced to the clock over Rick's form as he woke.

"Gaga, baba," that was Judith's reply to her brother. Apparently the two of them thought it would be good to wake at the same time and talk until they woke mommy up so she could feed them. It was easier to feed the pair of them now seeing as I had weened Judith off of breast milk and had started feeding her from the bottle.

"It seems like the two of them will be talking in no time," Rick grumbled shifting up on the bed, till he was resting his arms on his knees, glancing at the two babies in their cribs talking gibberish.

"They're hungry," I told him slipping my jeans on after I climbed over him, before pulling on my socks and boots. I pulled off my shirt – it was one of his – and replaced it with a green cami-top that clung to my stomach. I pulled on the shirt Rick handed me – another one of his – before rolling up the sleeves and reaching down for Theo seeing as Judith scrunched her nose up at me. She preferred it when Rick fed her in the mornings, she was a daddy's girl after all.

"How can you tell that from their babbling?" he asked gripping onto my hips as he pulled me towards him, pressing his lips to my stomach, ducking when Theo tried to kick him in the head, before reaching over and pulling his jeans on.

"I'm their mom, I can tell when they're hungry," I stated pressing a kiss to the curls forming on Theo's head as he followed his dad's movements until Judy was in his arms. I had never compared the two of them together before but when I glanced at the two then I couldn't help but think they looked similar then. The only difference between them was that Judy had strawberry blonde hair while Theo had his dad's dark hair. They both had curls like Rick and myself and they both had blue eyes but I could see that Theo's were going to turn green or become a green-blue as the green was already making freckles in his eyes.

"I'm gonna wake Carl at six and head down to the crops," Rick said once we had started given the twins their bottles. We were like clockwork with them now, knowing our routine like the back of our hands.

"Bethy and Lily want the twins this morning, I'm going head down with you to clean ours and Carl's sheets." I muttered to him grimacing at the thought of cleaning the sheets. He sent me a smile as he pressed his lips to Judy's head before glancing to our cell where his alarm was going off.

"Carl?" Rick called to our son pushing the sheet aside to peer in at him, patting Judith on her bum as she whined. "Carl. Come on." A groan from Carl told me he did not like being waken this early.

"Morning," Beth called out lightly as she took Judith from Rick, before looking over to the stair where Lily was making her way down, wiping at her eyes. "Heya Lily, you ready for babysitting duty?" she asked the almost twelve year old as she dropped into a chair, her eyes resting on Theo as he played with my hair.

"It's too early," she grumbled holding her arms up to take Theo from me as I stood from my chair. I handed the boy to her before turning and heading into my cell, pulling the sheets off of the bed.

"How 'bout I walk you down to the washing area mam'?" Rick put on a cowboy accent holding out his arm as he grinned at me brightly. I hadn't seen him this happy in a while, but I was pleased he was this happy.

"Why thank you kind sir," I replied, dipping down into a curtsey as I looped my arm with his while I tucked the sheets under my arm. I could see Carl had his sheets tucked under his arm as well. "At least you remembered it was laundry day," I called to him giving him a small wink as he led us out of the cell block.

When we got out of the prison the sun was already making its high decent in the sky, announcing that the day would be long and bright. Carl was looking grumpy and I knew it had to do with Michonne dragging the horse out of her pen again.

"Careful out there." Rick called to her as he squeezed my hand in his as he un-looped my arm from his. He gave em a cheeky pat on the butt when he was sure Carl wasn't looking to which I sent him a glare.

"Always am. Any requests? Books? Comics? Some stale M&Ms?" Yum, M&Ms sounded amazing right now, actually any chocolate sounded good right now.

"You're the one that likes stale M&Ms." Carl replied scrunching up his face which reminded me of Judith.

"I could do with some stale chocolate," I added rubbing my stomach as the baby kicked at the idea. Guess Junior could do with some chocolate as well.

"Then I'll definitely looking for some." Michonne declared but I knew it was for her sake as well, she did love those M&Ms. "I'll look for some stuff you like, too."

"He doesn't need any more comics Mich," I told her knowing she wouldn't listen anyway. Carl sent her a smile also knowing she'd get him comics if she found any. I rolled my eyes at the two of them taking Carl's sheets from him

"Why don't you wear your hat anymore?" Michonne called out as Carl walked off with Rick towards the crops as I went over to the water pump. I could hear his vague reply but I wasn't really paying attention to him.

I had the feeling that I was being watched. I always hated it when people stared at me so I guess I was always aware when I was being stared at. I glanced up from the water pump, looking around until my eyes settled on Rick. He sent me a small smile but the look he was giving me was to be careful. I couldn't help but roll my eyes as I dumped the washing into the metal holding the water. It was a little heavy but I had carried the same tin two days ago, I could handle it.

Ignoring Rick's looks I started to make my way up the hill back towards the prison where I could hang the sheets to dry. I made it halfway up the hill when the gun shots spread through the prison. My blood ran cold at the sounds and I dropped the metal washing basin on the floor, not caring that my boots became drenched with the water.

"Help! Help! Please, come quick!" I could hear Lizzie as she ran out of D block, Mika not far behind her, the two of them looked terrified.

"Cell blocks?" Maggie yelled out from the tower but I didn't pay it any mind as I rushed forward leaving the gate open for Rick.

"Walkers in D!" Glenn yelled as Rick came running through the gate right behind me. Of course it would be stupid of me to become bitter over his speed while I was almost six months pregnant.

"What about C?" Rick called out wanting to get an answer. Jesus that's where my babies were. How could I not be thinking about them at this time?

"Clear. We locked the gates to the tombs. Hershel's on guard." Sasha replied pulling out her gun as her, Daryl, Tyreese and Glenn raced towards D block

"It ain't a breach." Daryl demanded, swinging his crossbow into action.

"We followed the plan." Sasha yelled as she rushed passed Carol and the girls towards D block where more gun shots could be heard.

"Fay don't go inside, stay here." Rick ordered stopping in front of me as I went to go to our cell block.

"But the twins," I muttered looking to him helplessly as I stood there not knowing what to do.

"Stay here, get your gun out. I don't know if any walkers are getting to D from the other hall. I can't risk you going in there. Stay here!" he yelled before running into D block with one last glance at me.

* * *

Panic was all I could feel as I stood outside the cell blocks confused and alone. I had no idea what was going on in there but I knew I couldn't go in yet. Not until Rick came to tell em it was safe. I wouldn't put this baby at risk.

"Mom!" Carl yelled casing me to turn to see him and Maggie helping Michonne up to the prison. I could tell she had hurt her right ankle and was limping on it from the way she stumbled between the two. "Are you okay?" the thirteen year old asked wrapping his arms around me – well trying to if his little brother didn't get in the way.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" I asked him, running my hands through his hair as he started to sob into my shirt. "Hey, hey, baby I was joking."

"I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to," he cried pulling back to look me in the eyes only from him to pull out of my arms. "Dad!"

"Hey, you might want to stay back. Carl." Rick warned him only for our son to ignore him as he wrapped his arms around him.

"Dad, I'm sorry. I didn't see you come out." Carl cried making me smile at the worry behind Carl's voice Two days ago Carl had sworn he hated Rick and now here he was crying over his safety. I always knew nothing could really get between the love they had for each other.

"It's okay. I'm here. I'm fine. But back away." Rick ordered pushing Carl away from him and lifting his hand up in warning as I took a step towards him. Rick gave me a sad look as he took a step back.

"I had to use one of the guns by the gate. I swear I didn't want to." Carl ramble don and I knew that was what he had been apologizing for earlier when he hugged me. We had taken his gun from him after the whole incident with shooting the boy from Woodbury.

"I was coming back. I fell. They came out and helped me." Michonne explained not wanting Carl to get into troubled over her actions. It was sweet really and it reminded me how closed off she had been when she first became part of the group.

"Are you all right?" Rick asked gaining her answer when she gave him a stiff nod.

"What happened in there?" Maggie asked only for her question to be answered as one of the newest members walked out holding a small body that had been wrapped.

"Oh god," I cried out, crying into my hands as I watched her pass me.

"Patrick got sick last night. It's some kind of flu. It moves fast. We think he died and attacked the cell block." Rick looked down at Carl, bending down slightly as Carl tried to look away. It always seemed to be Carl that lost friends. "Look, I know he was your friend and I'm sorry. He was a good kid. We lost a lot of good people. Glenn and your dad are okay, but they were in there. You shouldn't get too close to anyone that might have been exposed, at least for a little while. Carl. All of you." He warned our son knowing how Carl got when he was being rebellious.

"Rick," I muttered taking a step towards him only to be stopped when he raised his hands at mw again.

"Fay you can't get near me. I got to think about you and the baby. You can't get this flu, honey. Go to the cell block and stay with Bethy and the twins. I'll make sure no one goes near you and make Carl stay his distance. He's been near me." Rick explained giving me a pained look as eh back away from the stairs waiting for me to pass into the cell block.

"I love you." I called to him giving him one last glance before walking back to C block. This seemed to be happening at the worst of times. It seemed we had just gotten everything together but then Zach had to die and then this the day after. I could see from Rick's eyes that a lot of people had died in D block.

* * *

"There's gonna be a council meeting but you ain't coming," Daryl called from the locked gate of C block, his eyes landing on me as I sat with Beth, Lily and the twins. I frowned at his words but probably knew that Rick was behind it.

"Why?" I replied shifting Theo on my lap as he reached forward trying to grab his feet.

"We've all be in D block, Amy and Carol helped get the kids to safety. Hershel was in there checking up on the dead and Kelly was helping those that needed it. We're all contaminated or sumthing. Hershel and Dr. S say you can't be near us cause of Junior," Daryl announced nodding down at the bump where the newest addition of the Grimes family was baking. I knew he was right. I couldn't be near them in case I got the flu as well.

"Okay but remind them all that I'm not happy about this and let Kelly take my place." I looked down at the twins feeling concerned about their health before setting my eyes on Lily and Becca. "Daryl!" I called out before he could disappear. "Don't let anyone in here with the kids. They're at risk of catching this thing. If anyone else gets sick keep them away from here." I warned him holding onto Theo tightly as the hunter nodded at my words.

"Is everything going to be okay?" Beth asked the concern leaking through as she glanced at me and the empty cell door where Daryl was seconds ago.

"I hope so, why don't you go check on Michonne, her foot still needs to be wrapped and I've got to change Theo." I muttered to her taking the boy into my cell, dropping down onto the bed. I couldn't stop the tears as the trailed down my cheeks and into Theo's curls. I don't think I can handle this illness on top of everything else. I knew I would be pretty useless seeing as Rick and Hershel would keep me confined from everyone.

* * *

"Did you hear what dad did to Tyreese?" Carl asked me a frown on his face as he kept his distance from me. He hadn't been happy with the idea of keeping a distance with me but he knew he had to.

"No what did he do?" I questioned placing rhe book I had been reading down and walking over to him. I ignored the look he gave me, placing a kiss ot his head.

"You have ot keep your distance," he warned stepping away only for em to chuckle.

"Carl, you know just because you keep your distance doesn't mean that this thing won't get into my system. We're breathing in the same air, whatever those people had, I've probably already got into my system. Now what did your dad do to Tyreese?" I repeated after telling him that everyone probably had the infection it was whether our bodies could deal with it.

"Beat him up, did his hand in. Hershel sorted it out but he didn't want you finding out. I thought it best to tell you considering you'd find out sooner or later." He grumbled shifting on his feet as he watched me. I knew he could tell I was angry.

"I'm just going to have a few words with your dad, where is he?" I gritted out through clenched teeth trying to stay calm for the baby's sake.

"He was heading out to the graves," he grunted not bothering to stop me because he knew it wouldn't work.

* * *

I could see him talking to Daryl and though I didn't want to interrupt I didn't want to put this off so I would end up forgetting it.

"Rick!" I yelled gaining his attention as I stumbled down to him and Daryl. I was too angry to be paying attention to where I was walking and may have tripped on a few rocks.

"What? Is it the baby?" he called back taking a few steps closer to me but stopping before he got too close. That wouldn't stop me though. "Fay, you got to keep your distance." He warned when I came up to him, taking his bandaged hand in mine.

"I've probably already got the virus in my system." I stated running my thumb over his knuckles before glaring up at him. "Why in the hell did you beat up Tyreese? Carl told me that. Did you know how that makes him feel?"

"Hang on now, don't go shouting at me until you hear the story." He grunted raising his hands to stop my telling off.

"Well give me the story then," I spat at him, crossing my arms over my chest as I leant on one leg, waiting for him to start explaining.

"Karen and David got sick, we separated them from the others. Tyreese went to go see Karen but found the two of them burned out back by the tombs. He wants me to find the killer so he can deal with them. He was angry. I tried to calm him down but he hit me. I lost my temper, but Daryl stopped me before I could do any more damage." He explained, resting his hands on his hips as he told me the supposed truth.

"But you hit Tyreese? Can I guess and say he's worse off than you?" I mumbled noting the bruising at the side of his face. "You shouldn't have hit him," I whispered closing my eyes. After everything we had been through he still let the anger consume him.

"He asked em how I would feel if it was you burnt there on the floor. I snapped and lost it okay. I'm sorry," he argued, resting his hand on my arm lightly as I opened my eyes to look at him.

"You shouldn't be apologising to me Rick. Tyreese needs to hear it not me." I told him, resting my hand on my bump when Junior sent me a kick as if asking why I was arguing with his daddy.

"I've already heard this from Hershel," he muttered running his hand over his head in annoyance. I could still tell his emotions from his actions even through this shit-hole of a world.

"Why are the two of you down here?" I asked already knowing they had been down here earlier today to help dig the graves.

"Tyreese is coming down in a bit to bury Karen, we wanted to talk to him when he got 'ere," Daryl grunted, shifting his crossbow against his leg as he shrugged his shoulders.

"And you think that's a good idea?" I questioned looking between the two of them. "I wasn't there earlier with the fight but even I can tell this isn't such a good idea." I glanced away from them, my eyes settling on the burnt pig pen in confusion. "What happened there?"

"The pigs are sick as well. We used the pigs to draw the walkers away before burning the pen." Rick announced waiting for my reaction but I only nodded slightly before turning around. He caught me by the elbow an uncertain look on his face. "I gave Carl his gun back. I think it's safer for him to have it."

"I'm not going to argue with you, but I'm happy you made that choice based off of the recent events." I voiced tugging my arm out of his and walking back towards the prison.

"Fay, go back to the cell and stay there." Rick called out to me as I walked away from him. I huffed in annoyance but did as he asked because I knew I was for my own good. It's not like I wasn't heading that way to begin with.

* * *

"Sasha's got it," Glenn announced as he handed over a few cans of food, from the short supply. I noted that it was beans or tinned fruit and knew it was for the group of kids making C Block their home during this.

"Has she gone to A Block?" I asked him sharing a look with Beth as she looked nervously at her brother-in-law. I knew she was wondering about her dad and Maggie, she hadn't seen them since yesterday.

"She did. Hershel's a bit worried about the amount of people getting this thing. Everyone from D Block has it, now Sasha has it. It's spread over night pretty fast, he's concerned." Glenn muttered leaning against the wall as I gave a small shrug.

"It'll spread fast because we're all living close together, not everyone will get it. Some people are naturally immune to stuff like this, but those who get it will want to die because of the symptoms." I told him giving him a sad smile at the look he sent me.

"We're having another council meeting, Hershel's brought it up. We were going to have it this afternoon but now with Sasha I think he wants to solve it all before it all goes to shit." He stated looking around the cell as Lily and Becca played with the twins as they sat on the blanket on the floor.

"I'm going to that meeting." I enforced giving him a glare when he went to argue. "I'm already in the same air space as you all Glenn. If I get ill, me being separated from everyone isn't going to help."

"Fine, but I'm not telling Hershel," he grumbled stepping away from the cell block gate before glancing down the hallway. "Or Rick," he added before walking away, probably to help out before the meeting.

If they needed help with containing this flu I would be able to help them even if I want going into the block. I knew how to treat people under these circumstances better than anyone besides Dr. S but he was ill as well.


	45. Chapter 45

"You shouldn't be here," those were Hershel's words as soon as he saw me enter the room after Glenn had. Glenn seemed to be sweating, but I could tell he was trying to keep it from the others. Did he have the illness as well? I hope not.

"I know the risks Hershel, plus you and I both know I've been around you all too much for me to start keeping my distance. If I'm gunna get sick I've probably already got it." I sighed dropping down into a seat between Daryl and Glenn. Daryl gave me a look as I rubbed at my rounded belly, happy that I was sitting after being standing and doing the left over washing with Beth. "Should we get down to business?" I asked noting that Amy wasn't here. I had no idea where she was, maybe she was in the tower with Maggie or something.

"It's spread. Everyone who survived the attack in cell block D. Sasha, Caleb, and now others." Hershel stated announcing news that most of us knew anyway. Glenn had told me earlier and I assumed Caleb was as well. He may have been a doctor and knew what he was doing but I caught a glimpse of him earlier, he looked ill.

"Oh, Jesus." Daryl muttered and I could see him deflate at the news. Daryl hated it when people died around here. He felt like it as his fault.

"So what do we do?" Carol asked resting her chin on her hands. She looked tired, just like everyone else did. We didn't need this on top of everything else. Hell, weren't the walkers enough or us to face to begin with? I doubt we could keep living with all these challenges being sent our way.

"First things first. Cell block A is isolation. We keep the sick people there like we tried with Karen and David." Hershel's words reminded me of the fight Rick had gotten into with Tyreese. I knew Tyreese loved Karen and for him to turn up just like that and find her dead would be devastating.

"What the hell we gonna do about that?" I knew Daryl was there this morning but I also knew he was pretty pissed off about what happened to Karen and David. No one deserved that.

"Ask Rick to look into it. Try to make a timeline- who's where when. But what are we gonna do to stop this?" Carol's words confused me a little bit. Had she never seen this on TV before the walkers, hell hadn't the walkers taught her anything? Things like this tended not to be easy to deal with.

"There is no stopping it. You get it, you have to go through it." Hershel replied to her and it made me think that maybe he had been reading my mind.

"But it just kills you?" Michonne stated as if it was the most obvious thing out there. Hershel couldn't help but shake his head as he turned to face her.

"The illness doesn't. The symptoms do. We need antibiotics." He answered her giving a small shrug as if that would explain everything to her.

"We've been through every pharmacy nearby. And then some." Daryl muttered leaning forward on the table and he looked over to Hershel. The poor man looked exhausted, I bet he had been taking this upon himself to solve.

"That veterinary college at West Peachtree Tech, that's one place people may not have thought to raid for medication. The drugs for animals there are the same we need."

"He's right." I added feeling Daryl look at me as if he had forgotten I was here. I suppose I had been quiet enough for him to forget. "They have the same ingredients and everything, the dosages are just different. Need more of a kick to help and animal."

"That's miles. Too big a risk before. Ain't now. I'm gonna take a group out. Best not waste any more time." Daryl muttered standing up from his chair as he picked up his crossbow. He never left without that thing attached to his side. I suppose he wouldn't though considering it was practically his life.

"I'm in." Michonne announced pushing off from her spot leaning against the wall.

"You haven't been exposed. Daryl has. You get in a car with him..." Hershel started only to be cut off by the woman.

"He's already given me fleas." She grumbled scrunching her nose at him in a joking manner. Hershel chuckled as he rose from the table, Carol and Glenn following in his lead.

"I can lead the way. I know where everything's kept." Hershel stated looking to Daryl as he stilled, sharing a glance with Michonne. Even I knew this was a bad idea.

"When we're out there, it's always the same. Sooner or later we run." It was the nicest way to put it really and it made me smile that Daryl took Hershel's feelings into consideration.

"I can draw you a map." Hershel's words made me laugh and I couldn't help the chuckle from escaping my lips as Daryl pulled a face. "There are other precautions I feel we should take." Hershel added before everyone could leave.

"Like what?" Carol questioned obviously asking what was on everybody's mind.

"There's no telling how long it'll be before Daryl and his group return. Wouldn't it make sense for us to separate the most vulnerable? We can use the administration building. Separate office, separate room." Hershel replied stating the most obvious thing we should have done when this first started. I knew we were trying to keep the kids away from everyone but we had all slept in the same cell block last night, it wasn't a very well thought out plan.

"He's got a point," I mumbled rising from my seat, waving off Daryl as he tried to help me. I was pregnant and barely six months gone, I wasn't an invalid. "We should have done this from the beginning. Yesterday would have been ideal, it could have stopped it spreading even more."

"Who is the most vulnerable?" Glenn asked but I could tell by his face that he already knew what the reply would be.

"The very young."

"What about the old?"

"I suppose that could work as well, just check them before they go into the offices." Hershel agreed picking up the papers he had on the desk, drawing out a map for Daryl.

"Make sure they go in separate offices. Children in one, elderly in another. I want Beth and the twins in a completely different office. Send Lily in with her, but don't let the twins be with the other children. Their immune systems are weak, they're more vulnerable." I added crossing my arms and looking down at the list Hershel was making. He set the pen on the table but I quickly snatched it up and grabbing a piece of paper to write my own list.

"We shall be on our way, I'll ask Bob if he wants to come," Daryl grunted when he tried to read the list Hershel gave him.

"You know I'd offer to go with you," I started fiddling with the list in my hands as I looked to Daryl. "But I'm not putting Junior here in any trouble so you'll have to suffer without me." I teased seeing the smirk on his face as he tugged on my loose braid, pressing a kiss to my head.

"You gotta keep my nephew alive." He grunted nodding his head towards the door.

"Michonne," I called out waving the others off when they all stopped. I wanted to ask her this alone. The woman hesitated, looking to me, her eyes dropping to the paper in my hands. "You wouldn't mind picking up a few things for me? It's for when the baby arrives."

"Don't worry about it," she agreed taking the list from my hands, looking it over and nodding. I assumed she understood what it all was from her response. "It's the least I could do after I failed to get you those M&Ms." I chuckled along with her as we left the room, heading off to do different tasks. She to go on this run and me to send the kids into quarantine.

* * *

"You know he's not going to like this," I grumbled as Rick watched Carl pack up his stuff in his room. I knew as soon as we told Carl he'd put up a fight.

"He can fight all he wants but he's staying in there until Daryl gets back." Rick replied, resting his hand on my lower back. I think he finally understood that I had been close enough to everyone to avoid eventually getting this thing.

"Hopefully that will be tonight but if it's not we need a plan." I added seeing the annoyed look Hershel had as he packed up a few of his things. As much as he didn't like it he was going into quarantine as well. We all were besides Rick, Carol, Kelly, Amy, Glenn and Maggie. I could only guess and say Glenn would be going the others in A Block soon. I could see what he was trying to hide.

"You're going to go in there as well, stay with the twins." Rick started for me to cut him off with a shake of my head. "Fay don't argue with me."

"I'm not going near the twins." I muttered darkly hoping my husband would understand that I didn't want to put them in danger. "I was near Glenn today, he's got. I can't get too close to them."

"You're still going into quarantine, stay with Hershel then."

"I'm staying out here with you and the others. I promise I'll go there if there's danger but I'll be more help out here. I can start preparing things for when Daryl and the others get back. Get supplies ready for when we need them. I can't be in there." I argued turning to look up at Rick as he opened his mouth to argue. "Please Rick."

"Fine," he grumbled obviously unhappy that he agreed.

* * *

"Daryl's not back." Rick announced to me, Maggie and Kelly as we stood down the lower field waiting for the return of the medical group. "They should have been back last night or early this morning. I'm going on a run with Carol. We're going to look for some stuff that could help in that housing development."

"Be safe okay," I called out to him as Carol drove the car down, getting out of the driver's seat and dropping into the passenger seat.

"You stay here, if Maggie and Kelly tell you to get inside do it. Find Amy and get her to protect you." He replied, stopping in front of me as Kelly walked over to Carol.

"Amy's in A. She's got it as will. She's worse than Glenn and the others. I'm not sure if she'll be able to make it without the medicine." I replied feeling my eyes tear up at the thought of losing Amy.

"Amy will be fine," Rick muttered pressing a kiss to my head before pulling away and walking up to the car.

"Be safe! I love you!" I shouted as he drove passed with a small wave. There was something off with him. He was being distant.

* * *

I stayed with Maggie most of the day, helping her and Kelly to clear the fences. Because of the looks the two of them kept giving me I made sure to have plenty of rests to ensure that I was okay. I was taking a rest when I saw the car Rick and Carol had taken out making its way towards us.

"Maggie, car!" I called to her nodding towards the gates, taking the hand Kelly held out to me. Rick parked the car past the guard tower before getting out. His eyes fell on me, a look of relief washing over his face before looking back to Maggie.

"Carl, Theo, Judith, are they okay?" he called out hesitant for a reply because he didn't want any bad news. Did he think I'd be here is there was anything wrong?

"Yeah. Where's Carol?" at Maggie's words I only realized that Carol was missing then. Had she been bit on the run?

"Glenn, Hershel, Sasha, Amy?" Rick went on ignoring Maggie's words as he looked around the field.

"Yeah, it's bad, but they're fighting it. Daryl's not back yet." Maggie replied making me realize that Rick must have been looking for the car Daryl took. "Rick. Rick, where's Carol?" the look that crossed Rick's face was a look of sadness, mixed with anger and annoyance.

"It was her. She killed Karen and David." He informed the three of us, Kelly looked shocked at the news, covering her mouth with her hands as if she thought Rick was lying. "She was trying to stop it from spreading. Tyreese is gonna be back here soon, so I didn't think she should be here. And I couldn't have her here. She has a car, supplies, she'll figure it out. I'll tell your dad. Don't tell anyone else yet." He seemed like there was this massive weight weighing him down, but I knew what it was. Although we had voted for a council he was taking on a leader roll once again and it was getting to him.

"Okay." Maggie seemed reluctant but who else were we going to tell? Everyone else was ill and Beth needed to stay focused on the twins and Carl didn't need to know that. The four of us knew so that was enough.

"Would you have brought her back?"

"She said she did it?"

"Yeah."

"Then you were right to send her away. I don't know if I could have."

"You could have, Maggie. You've done harder things. Don't doubt yourself. We don't get to anymore." When I realized Rick was heading for the car I ran after him, slipping into the car as well, shifting into the comfortable seats.

"Rick, the cluster's getting bigger than the one that took the fence down. We need to do something." I heard Maggie yell to him as he slipped into the car. He spared her a glance before replying.

"We will." He muttered before driving up to the other gate which Kelly had left open in case Daryl and that returned. Rick didn't say anything as he slipped out of the car, closing the gate behind us.

"Are you going to say anything to me?" I asked him, tapping my fingers against the knife at my side as I waited for him to reply.

"What do you want me to say? I knew about Carol and didn't tell you until I had it sorted out." He mumbled leading me into the communal area of the prison, dropping two bags onto the floor.

"I would have preferred if you told me first," I sighed knowing what his reply would be.

"I was trying to keep you calm. Last time shit like this went down you went into labour early. I can't have that again. I'm protecting you!" he snapped, throwing a tin onto the floor in frustration.

"It's fair for you to say that now Rick, you already made a choice when it came to Carol. Don't I get a say in it? She's my friend. You left her out there to defend for herself. If you spoke to use about this we could have come up with something better than leaving her deserted with no protection!" I argued back ignoring the small kicks Junior sent me as I shouted at his dad.

"I was protecting our children. I don't want her around her if she makes choices like that! What happens if Carl got sick? Or Theo, or Judith? What would she do then? She knows that we're looking for the medicine to cure this but she thought killing Karen and David would stop this. She was wrong. I'm not going to stand by and watch her hurt anyone else in my family because she thinks she's doing something right!" he fired back before picking up the two bags he had repacked, leaving me alone in the cell block. I sighed in annoyance, screaming out as I dropped into a chair.

* * *

"Daddy told me your mom died," Maggie muttered dropping down on the table beside me. Was I meant to feel upset over that? I hated the woman. She was not my mother. "I'm sorry,"

"You shouldn't be sorry Maggie, she was never my mother. Not after she tried to kill me as a baby. She didn't deserve to be called a mother." I told her, squeezing my hand in hers before getting up from the table. "I'm going into the quarantine area to have a rest, you should go help Rick and Kelly with the fence." I added giving her a sad smile as I wandered off to the administration's office.

* * *

"Knock, knock," Kelly muttered softly tapping against the door to the office I was in with Beth and Lily behind her, the twins in their arms. Kelly held up a small machine in her hands but I knew what it was when I saw it.

"They're back?" I questioned pushing up off of the sofa I had been lying on.

"Just got back. Michonne handed this to me, said you asked for it. I guess I'll be the lady to give you the ultrasound?" Kelly nodded her head towards Beth and Lily giving them a small smile. "Thought these two would like to see it after being on babysitting duty."

"That'll be good," I added lying back on the sofa as Kelly set up the machine, placing the gel on my stomach before winding up the battery. I watched her work before she switched on the machine, receiving a small pop as it powered up.

"Okay, here we go," she whispered placing the scanner on my stomach, waiting and moving the stick around until a fuzzy image appeared on the screen. "Aww, there we go." She added when she caught the baby on the screen.

"Oh my," Beth spoke softly seeing the image as well, her eyes tearing up lightly. Kelly pressed a button on the machine and the sound of galloping entered the room. She had managed to find the button that let us hear the baby's heartbeat. "Can you tell what sex it is?"

"Nah, the baby's being shy," I told her tracing my finger over the legs that were pulled up. "Cheeky monkey,"

"How far gone are you?" Beth asked again not that we really needed to know. The last time that fits in with the symptoms and everything leads to Carl's birthday.

"Nearly six months," Kelly announced already having worked out the size and measurements.

"It's a healthy baby from what I can see," I mumbled feeling happy that I thought about this when Hershel mentioned the college. Just seeing the baby made me feel delighted that it was safe. Kelly pressed another button on the machine which made a buzzing noise before a card came out under the screen. Was that a scan?

"Ha, look what I did!" Kelly exclaimed as excited as she looked. I could tell she hadn't meant to do that.

"Print off two more Kel, Rick and Carl will want one." I told her, rubbing my hand over my stomach, wiping the gel off with tissue once she had printed two more scans.

* * *

Theo was snuggled up into my chest, babbling away as he tugged on the loose curls hanging from my messy plait. He had just finished his bottle when Rick decided to wake up.

"Morning," he mumbled planting a kiss in my head, before repeating the action with Theo.

"Good morning honey," I repeated running my hand over his beard as he tucked his gun into his holster before waving goodbye. "Be safe!" I called after him feeling like it was becoming a tradition.

"Heya," Beth mumbled as she walked down the steps from her cell, pulling a face at Theo when he pulled himself up to look at her. The smile on his face allowed me to know he was excited to see Beth.

"How are you feeling?" I asked her knowing she had been pretty upset last night after everything.

"I can't believe Carol's gone," she whispered, keeping her voice low as Lily, Becca, Mika and Lizzie all walked over to the play mat on the floor to play with Judith as she sat there playing with a few of the toys.

"Hopefully she'll come back," I muttered giving Beth a sad smile before placing Theo down with the girls. "Help me make them breakfast?" I asked nodding to the small collection of tinned food on the table.

"Daddy told me Glenn and Amy made it through the night, Sasha did as well and Lizzie. Lizzie didn't have it as bad as everyone else, as you can see," Beth mumbled nodding towards the girl that had been ill last night. She looked fine now, a little worse for wear but fine. I just hope Glenn and Amy will be like that in a couple of days.

* * *

"Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, bakers man," I sung, clapping Judith's hands together as Beth repeated the same with Theo. The four girls sung along with us, obviously enjoying this as much as the twins were when they started giggling. Just as I was about to sing the next verse an explosion shook the cell block stopping me. I could see the panic in the girl's eyes. "Stay here with the twins. Lily, Lizzie, don't let them out of your sight!" I shouted at the two eldest as me and Beth rushed to our feet, grabbing our weapons as we rushed out into the yard the same time Kelly, Maggie, Carl, Rick, Daryl and Tyreese did.

I almost froze on the spot when my eyes settled on what was waiting for us. There was the Governor with a small group of people he no doubt called an army. And he had a tank.

"Get back!" Rick ordered when he saw the four of us near the fences, his eyes also settling on the army set before us. I could already see every thought running across his face.

"Rick! Come down here. We need to talk." The Governor yelled up to us, his eyes no doubt locked onto my husband.

"It's not up to me." Rick said after a while, locking eyes with Daryl before looking back to the Governor. "There's a council now. They run this place." After everything he's done I think we would allow him to take the lead on this one.

"Is Hershel on the council?" The Governor asked and one of his men – women – pulled the man in question out. I turned to Maggie and Beth as they both struggled for breath. Sasha and Bob came up to us then, both holding a weapon as they looked down to the audience below. "What about Michonne? She on the council, too?" he asked again as another one of his people pulled her out.

"I don't make decisions anymore." Rick yelled down to him the anger evident in his voice. I stepped closer to him, resting my hand on his arm in comfort.

"You're making the decisions today, Rick. Come down here. Let's... Let's have that talk." He sounded final with his words as he stood on top of the tanks. Rick shared a look with Daryl, the hunter understanding him and whatever plan he had decided on then.

"We can do this. All right?" Rick whispered to Carl, cupping his face in his hands as he looked down to the boy. Carl nodded in response and Rick turned to face me. "It's going to be alright. Get inside with the twins, keep the kids safe. I love you." He spoke softly, giving me a sad smile as he walked over to the gate, opening it.

"Rick! Don't!" I yelled to him, grabbing hold of his hand, fighting Daryl as he pulled me back without hurting me. "Don't do this. Please," I cried knowing how this was going to end for my husband. Rick looked away from me to Daryl, something passing though his face as he looked to our friend.

"Get her inside Daryl," he ordered firmly as Daryl pulled me away from him, closing the gate as Rick turned away, walking down to his death.

"I love you," I called to him as he took his first few steps away from us. He turned his head slightly, letting me know he had heard.

"Get inside Fay," Daryl ordered, pushing me towards the building. I held my gun up and pointed it towards the Governor, glaring at the man I had known since the outbreak.

"If you think I'm going to leave Rick down there then you clearly don't know me," I hissed at him standing between Beth and Maggie, my gun pointed to the Governor.

"We can't take 'em all on. We'll go through the admin building, through the woods like we planned. We ain't got the numbers no more. When's the last time someone checked the stash on the bus?" Daryl muttered to Sasha and Tyreese looking towards said bus as Rick made his way down to face the Governor.

"Day before we hit the Big Spot. We were running low on rations then. We're lower now." Sasha replied, her arms loaded with a gun.

"Yeah, we'll manage. Things go south, everyone heads for that bus. Let everybody know." Daryl told them as he set his eyes on Rick as he made it down the last part of the hill.

"What if everybody doesn't know when things go bad? How long do we wait?" Tyreese asked standing beside his sister, his eyes looking to Daryl for orders.

"As long as we can." Daryl replied before he walked over to Carl, keeping his eyes on Rick now that he had come to a stop.

"Let 'em go right now. I'll stay down here. Talk as long as you want. But you let 'em go. You got a tank. You don't need hostages." I couldn't really hear what Rick was saying but his voice travelled up to us.

"I do. This is just to show you I'm serious. Not to blast a hole in our new home. You and your people, you have till sundown to get out of here or they die." The Governor replied and I couldn't help but feel on edge as his voice carried up to me.

"Doesn't have to go down this way." Rick tried to reason, but I think we all knew it wouldn't work.

"I got more people, more firepower. We need this prison. There it is." I felt like this was a repeat of the first time he tried to take over. Hadn't we learnt form that?

"It's not about the past. It's about right now. There are children here. Some of them are sick. They won't survive." Rick's reply made me realize that we had changed since then. We had taken the people from Woodbury and accepted them in our home.

"I have a tank. And I'm letting you walk away from here. What else is there to talk about?" As the Governor's question was left in the air for Rick to think about Daryl started handing out the guns, he slipped one to Beth before giving me an annoyed look before handing one to me. I guess he got it into his head that I was staying here.

"I better not regret this," he grumbled to me, setting his hand on my arm lightly before going back to the gun bin.

"I could shoot you all. You'd all shoot back. I know that. But we'll win and you'll be dead. All of you. Doesn't have to be like that. Like I said, it's your choice." His voice was softer this time but the groaning of the walkers was heard even from up here. "Noise will only draw more of them over. The longer you wait, the harder it will be for you to get out of here." Those words could be heard better than the ones before.

"It's gunna be fine." Kelly muttered to me as I kept my eyes on Rick. I couldn't help but think something was going to happen.

"You got maybe about an hour of sunlight left. I suggest you start packing." From the way things were going I could see how this was going to end. We end pout of the prison. "The longer you wait, the harder it's gonna be for you to get out of here."

"We can all" Rick started but stopped after stuttering. "We can all live together. There's enough room for all of us."

"More than enough. But I don't think my family would sleep well knowing that you were under the same roof." The Governor agreed but went on ignoring everything Rick had said.

"We'd live in different cell blocks. We'd never have to see each other till we're all ready." Rick supplied and I knew it was hard for him to say. He really dislike this man.

"It could work. You know it could." Hershel called to the man on the tank trying to get him to agree.

"It could've. But it can't. Not after Woodbury. Not after Andrea."

"Look, I'm not saying it's gonna be easy. Fact is, it's gonna be a hell of a lot harder than standing here shooting at each other. But I don't think we have a choice."

"We don't. You do." I really hated this man with such a passion.

"We're not leaving. You try and force us, we'll fight back. Like you said, the gunshots will just bring more of them out. They'll take down the fences. Without the fences, this place is worthless. Now, we can all live in the prison or none of us can." Rick's words would have talked sense into the craziest of men but the Governor was on his own level of crazy. The Governor jumped off the tank, grabbing Michonne's katana, mumbling to himself as he placed it against Hershel's neck.

"No!" Maggie cried out pushing closer to the fence, Beth at her side.

"You. You in the ponytails. Is this what you want? Is this what any of you want?" Rick's voice trembled when he took in how much danger Hershel was in, I felt the blood run cold as I kept my eyes on Hershel.

"What we want is what you got. Period. Time for you to leave, asshole." Some guy in the tank called out, holding his gun higher as he showed it off.

"You call some an asshole, look in the mirror next time, prick," Kelly growled clutching her gun closer to her as she glared at the dick in the tank.

"Look, I fought him before." Rick called to them all nodding towards the Governor. "And after, we took in his old friends. They've become leaders in what we have here. Now you put down your weapons, walk through those gates... you're one of us." It was silent as the Governor's lot took in Rick's words as if considering them. "We let go of all of it, and nobody dies. Everyone who's alive right now. Everyone who's made it this far. We've all done the worst kinds of things just to stay alive. But we can still come back. We're not too far gone. We get to come back. I know... we all can change."

The Governor slowly started to more the katana before whispering out something. The sword was swung down against Hershel's neck. It seemed to happen in slow motion as my eyes took in Hershel falling to the floor, everyone watching around us. Maggie and Beth's screaming alerted me to what had happened and I had to blink away the tears that blinded me,

"No!" Rick yelled out bring my attention to him as gun shots rang out. "Ah!"

"Rick!" I called out to him seeing him go down. I didn't hesitate to fire my gun until Daryl glanced my way.

"Fay get inside now!" he shouted at me not bothering to look my way as he sent me my order.

"Daddy!" Beth screamed out as Maggie grabbed her arm, dragging her and me out of the line of fire.

"Bethy take Fay inside and get the kids ready to go!" she shouted to her sister over the noise. Berth looked ready to argue but Maggie shook her head fiercely. "That's an order Beth. Do not leave Fay's side!"

"Okay, okay," Beth whispered taking my hand in hers before she dragged me to the cell block we had left the kid's in. "We got to get them out, we gotta get them out." She mumbled to herself as she pulled me down the corridor, the fight from outside echoing in the halls behind us.


	46. Chapter 46

"We need to get the kids and go," Beth mumbled as soon as we rounded the corner and entered C Block, Lizzie and Lily had already strapped Judith into her car seat and were getting ready to strap Theo into his when we entered.

"Beth, get the two bags from my cell. I've got supplies for the twins there. You keep a bag on you and I'll have the other." I called to her, taking Theo from my arms and grabbing the baby carrier from the floor strapping it on.

"Fay, I'll wear it," Beth voiced taking the carrier from me, pulling the bag onto her back and then placing Theo into the carrier in front of her.

"Come on girls," I called out to the five girls giving Owen a small smile as he scrunched up his face. "Owen take hold of Lily's hand," I told the boy picking up Judith's car seat as I shouldered the other bag leading them out of the block and hopefully to the school bus and then to safety. "Stay close to me and Beth at all times, do not run away you understand."

I started to lead them out of the cell block, hopefully into the courtyard that had yet to be under attack. The silence that followed us out of the cell block and into the courtyard was wiped away when the relentless hammering of semi-automatics. The courtyard was worse than I thought it would be. The people that came here with the Governor had made their way up not the courtyard, blocking the path between us and the bus. I shared a loom with Beth, seeing that she was thinking the same thing I was.

"We could go through the hall, past the boiler room and out through the side exit." She muttered looking away from the door that would lead us to safety. That would be the best way out of this. I cast my eyes down to the others from our group, not being able to see either Rick or Carl. I could see Kelly covering Maggie's back before they both ran off.

"Let's go," I ordered, tugging Owen along with me as Beth led us towards the door. A small figure at my side caught my attention and the exclamations from the girl's behind me had me turning around. Little Molly had run off, calling out for her mom. "Molly!" I called out to her as she ran into the warzone separating her from her mom. "Beth, get the kids into the prison, I'll be back in a minute." I passed Owen to her, before running off after Molly.

I could see her running in front of me, her little legs carrying her further away from me. No matter how loud I called out to her I knew she wouldn't be about to hear me, not over the battle noises. She stopped unexpectedly, crying out before dropping to her knees, her hands clutching at her stomach. I gasped, feeling the tears prickling at my eyes when I realised what happened.

Amy reached her before I could make it into the open courtyard. Her hands were shaking as she picked up the small frame of the little girl and I couldn't tell if it was because she was upset or still weak over the flu. Her eyes locked with mine as she stood with Molly in her arms. Even from here I could see the blue in her eyes shining with unshed tears. Her eyes held such life, the emotions displayed clearly in those cornflour irises. And then it was gone.

"Amy!" I screamed watching hopelessly as she dropped to the floor. Her body covered Molly's almost like a shield. I didn't have to get closer to know that they were both dead. The bullet hole I had seen on the side of her head was enough to tell me that.

The screeching of metal collapsing and the grumble of the tank the Governor had brought, made me take a step back. I knew I had to go but I didn't want to leave them there. The explosion from the tank made my decision for me.

I ran back to the spot I had left Beth and the kids to find the door jammed shut, a tire-iron slid between the door and handle on the wall. The door shook under the force of whatever was behind the door. Taking a hesitant step forwards, I ran my fingers over the metal, hearing the groans of the dead. Oh god.

"Beth!" I cried out hoping she hadn't been in there with the children when the door was jammed. Spinning away, I screamed frantically, searching for any sign of them. "Lily! Becca!" It felt like my heart was being shoved up my throat, trying to leap out. I shouldn't have let them. Not without being with Judith and Theo. Those were my two babies and I had just left them here. They could have been attacked by walkers, or shot down by the Governor's people.

"Auntie Fay!" Lily's voice called out as she rushed towards me, her arms wrapping around my stomach, as well as she could with the bump protruding from it. She rested her head on my chest as small sobs wrecked through her body. I sighed in a deep breath, pressing a kiss to her head as Beth rushed up to me behind her, one arm holding onto the carrier that held Theo.

"I tried to go after them Fay but Owen ran off and I couldn't leave him." she cried out, the tears rolling down her cheeks as she wiped them away harshly with her free hand. "Judith's with Lizzie, Mika and Becca. They went that way," she pointed to the forest behind her were I saw the three girls walking into the treeline, a tall figure leading them.

"Let's go after them then," I grumbled stopping to kill a walker that tried to grab for Lily. The bullet went straight through its head, dropping to the floor and covering the baby seat that belonged to Judith in blood. It was a shame we couldn't take it with us but I knew it would only slow us down. "Come on Lilly," I called to the girl as she hid behind me, taking her hand in mine as I adjusted the bag on my back, before grabbing the rifle Beth offered me.

* * *

"I can't think of who they'd be with," Beth moaned giving Theo his pacifier as he gurgled out. I knew she was being cautious, not wanting any noise to attracted walkers.

"Obviously someone from the prison. I can't imagine them going off into the woods with someone they don't know," I told her, making sure Lily wasn't going to fall as we climbed up a slope. She gave me a small smile as she passed me but I knew she was worried about her sister. Becca was only eight and because Lily was the oldest I knew she felt responsible for her. "Whomever they are with, I know their safe. They must have made it through the night if we haven't caught up to them yet." I told the blonde as she cooed down at Theo making sure he stayed quiet.

"Auntie Fay," Lily whispered bringing my attention to the two men she was staring at. They both seemed harmless at first glance but I knew that it could be their ploy at getting what they wanted from us. Both of them looked dishevelled and tired but I was worried it was just a trick. I grabbed Lily, pushing her behind me as Beth took a step closer to me, holding out the gun she had, while I aimed my rifle at them.

"Hey, hey, hey," the oldest of the two muttered cautiously, raising his hands in the air, the younger one doing the same. "We don't want no harm. I promise."

"Why should I believe you?" I asked him, shifting the rifle as I looked between the two of them. It was then I noticed a woman step out from behind a tree, a young boy with her. They were just like us.

"We're just surviving like you. We're not going to hurt you. We want to live." He mumbled, stepping in front of the woman as she got closer, hiding her and the boy from me. "Me, my wife and sons, we're trying to get to Terminus. It's a safe place, somewhere you can live with the little girl and the baby."

"How do I know you're not lying?" I questioned again not letting the grip I had on the gun loosen. I wanted to believe what he was saying was true but he could just be lying to me to get our stuff.

"Look, I'm not going to lie to a lady that's clearly pregnant and in need of a safe place. You've just got to follow the train tracks and they'll lead you there." he pointed to the tracks in the cut off from the trees, indicating that he had been following them.

"Please come with us," the woman begged her eyes resting on the bump protruding from my stomach before her hers flittered to the carrier holding Theo.

"We should go there," Beth announced stepping forward and lowering the rifle I ad aimed at the two men. "This safe place is probably what we need for the baby and Theo. Lily need a safe home." I nodded my head slowly, she was making sense and I couldn't stop the future possibility of a safe place for the kids.

"But Judith," I argued thinking about my other baby as Theo cried out. "I won't leave her out here,"

"And we won't," Beth answered squeezing my hand softly as she smiled gently over to the two men. "We'll find Judith and the girls and then we'll go to this safe place." It must have been the confident look in her eyes that had me nodding along with her again. She was so much like her father. Before I could reply or even bother introducing ourselves to the two men the familiar groans of the dead invaded the small gathering we had stopped in.

"Get down to the tracks," the eldest man called, taking my hand and helping me down the small incline as the other man helped Beth down as she held onto Theo. The woman helped the boy and Lily before placing the two of them behind her. "Stay back, we'll try and stop them."

About ten walkers stumbled down the incline, appearing out of the trees as the two men stood before us. How could I have been so wrong about these men? Here they were clearly ready to fight to the death to protect two woman, a child and a baby from getting eaten alive. They didn't know us.

"Beth go into the tress, take Lily with you and stay hidden," I ordered nodding to the opposite side of the tracks. I wanted them out of the way in case the walkers managed to get through us.

"Fay, no!" Beth argued but hesitantly walked over there with Lily as I sent her a look. This needed to be done. The woman stayed behind her husband, the little boy safely hidden behind her as she pulled out a knife. Surely she should off gone off with Beth, it would have been safer for her and the boy. A walker came to me quickly, it's arms reaching out to me while the other two fought against two of them. I fumbled with the knife hanging from my belt, gripping it firmly in my hands as the walker gained on me.

Remembering the training Rick had given us about close contact with the walkers it didn't take long for me to take it down, but my victory was washed away quickly when the woman screamed out in agonising pain. I snapped my head to her, pushing away a walker as it stumbled towards me. The woman had wrapped herself around the boy, bringing them both to the floor as three walkers closed in on them. Another agonising scream had my stomach clenching before I focused on the walker I had pushed away as it stumbled towards me again, another one at its side.

I thought off one of the walkers, struggling as I stepped back, twisting my ankle and going down, the dead walker dropping on top of me. I could see the other walker coming towards me and I knew that this was probably the end for me. My eyes watered up as I thought about Theo and Judy, the fact that I had left them in this cruel world without actually saying goodbye. I struggled to move my hands under the walker, but cried out, letting the tears fall when my hands rested on the swell of my stomach. This cruel world had taken this baby from it before they'd even had a chance to breath.

I blinked away my tears as I settled my gaze on the walker coming towards me, wanting to look the creature in the eyes as it took me away from everything I loved. Rick, Carl, Theo, Judith, this baby, Beth, Kelly, everyone from the prison. My family. The walkers went down, its head crumbling in as a large form stood behind it, weapon raised. Tyreese.

His eyes locked with mine before he looked over to the two men as one of them screamed out in pain. With a quick glance to make sure I was okay, he rushed off to help the two men that had protected Beth and Lily from these walkers. A gun shot in the distance made Tyreese look around in fear, before attacking a walker that had almost caught him off guard.

"Watch out!" he called to the eldest man as a walker crept up behind him biting into his neck. Tyreese rushed forward as the man dropped to the floor, slamming his hammer into the walker until there were none left.

"Tyreese," Carol's voice called out from behind us, causing me to struggle under the walker to look at her. I cried out in happiness at the sound of her voice. At least she had been fine after leaving the prison. I caught Tyreese rush forward, but that wasn't what had me trying to push the walker off of me.

"Judith?" I cried out having heard her whimper. My little girl was safe. A hand on my shoulder had my heart piercing through my chest but I relaxed once I saw Beth and Lily pushing the walker off of me and helping me to my feet. "Ahh," I hissed out as I placed my left foot on the floor, a sharp pain shooting up my leg. This was not the time for a sprained ankle.

"Are you okay? Where you bit? Is it the baby?" Beth rushed off, lifting my arms, and searching me for any bit marks.

"I've sprained my ankle, but I'm fine," I assured her, running my fingers over Theo's head as he looked up at my voice, giving me a toothy grin.

"Lily!" Becca cried running into her sister's arms as Tyreese approached us, bringing me into a hug as Carol rocked Judith on her hip.

"How did you manage to get out?" Tyreese asked looking me and Beth over, his eyes settling on Theo and Lily.

"We weren't really fighting for long, Daryl sent us to go get the kids out. Molly …" I blinked away the tears as I remembered seeing the little girl drop to the flor the day before, the blood coating her hands as she clutched her stomach. Judith's cries brought my attention to her and I reached out for her, taking her from Carol. Holding her close to me, I stifled the sobs that wanted to break free as I pressed kisses over her head. "Thank you," I whispered to Tyreese knowing he knew what I was thank him for.

"Stay on the tracks," the eldest man cried out as he touched his wife's head gently as he sat on the floor between his dead family. "That was my mistake,"

"But the woods have more cover," Carol stated take the lead of talking for the group as she stepped closer to the man.

"No, you don't understand," he replied and I knew he must have been talking about this safe place again. "There's a place, up the tracks. It's safe, you can, you can take the children there. Trust me, please." His eyes locked onto mine then and I knew he really wanted me to listen to him. "Follow the tracks."

Tyreese took the lead then, gently taking hold of my arm as he turned us towards the direction the man had been talking about. Carol placed her hands on Mika and Lizzie's shoulders guiding them before us as Beth came up beside me. Lily and Becca walked behind Carol as she led us down the tracks. Hopefully towards this safe place.

* * *

"Sanctuary for all, community for all. Those who arrive survive." Mika read aloud as we gathered around a map of the train tracks, highlighting the place called Terminus. She glanced back to Tyreese before smiling at Lizzie. I looked at Carol to see that she seemed as unsure about this as I felt. Was this really going to work out for us? Nothing else seemed to ever work out.

"We've got to believe," Beth whispered to me as if she knew what I was thinking. I gave her a small smile as Carol shifted Judith on her hip as Tyreese looked between us, waiting for our decision. I guess it had been me and Carol making a lot of the decisions since we found each other. If think Tyreese was scared in case he led us into trouble. I don't think he wanted the responsibility of leading us woman.

"Let's head to Terminus," Carol stated, giving the four girls a gentle smile as they led the way along the tracks, a skip in their step. I guess it was exciting for the four of them to think they would have a safe home after this journey to Terminus.


	47. Chapter 47

"Are you okay?" Beth asked as we settled in for the night. We had been walking the whole day, stopping for five minute breaks when the girls looked too tired to move, but other than that we hadn't stopped longer until now. And my foot ached. My left ankle had swollen to twice almost three times its size but I hadn't told the others, there was no need to. It was obvious by the limping that I had damaged my ankle and I was thankful that we had kept a slow trek alongside the tracks.

"I'm just worried about the others," I told her settling down against one of the trees we had decided to camp out by. We were by the tracks but had decided that it might be safer to sleep below the bridge we had stopped at, sleeping under the little cove the bridge made under the hillside. "It's been two days, this is the third night since the prison fell. The others might be looking for us."

"And if they are how many of them do you think we'll find at Terminus? Are people are smart. If Carol could find us in the woods how hard could it be for us all to find each other at Terminus." Beth stated sitting in front of me, placing Theo down on the blanket Lily placed between us. Judith was soon placed next to him as Tyreese settled against a tree opposite mine, his eyes looking up to Carol as she sat on the bridge with Lizzie. Mika and Becca were already asleep under the bridge, a blanket shared between the two. "I know Maggie will be looking for me, and Rick and Carl will be looking for you and the twins. If they see a Terminus sign they'll go that way. It's in are blood to be hopeful. We all think the same in this world and I know that we'll all eventually find each other."

"You're too good for this world Beth," I whispered as Theo reached out for Judith, his hand grabbing hold of her as he rolled onto his side. I looked at them then thinking about how close I had come to losing them both. "The girls, you, Judy, Theo, Carl … all of you are too good for this world. There's so much more for you yet you are surrounded by this cruel, evil world."

"At least we have a wonderful, self-sacrificing family to protect us in this world," she mumbled smiling at me gently as Lily curled up to her side, resting her head on Beth's shoulder. I glanced over at Tyreese and her words and couldn't help but believe them. She was right. The family we had would sacrifice themselves for us.

* * *

"You know we had a plan," I sigh as Beth helped me step over a broken plank in the track, her fingers grasping my wrist gently as she held on the carrier that held Theo. We had moved as soon as the sun came up and had been walking for hours now.

"Who?" she asked waiting as Becca and Mika ran passed us, holding on Tyreese's hands as he led us down the tracks. Carol was behind us, Judith in her arms as Lily talked to her about how long she thought Terminus was and Lizzie trailed behind them. Lizzie had been a little different since the prison fell, I mean she was still as strange as she was there but she was quieter out here. Like she was waiting for something.

"Me and Rick," I told her glancing to Theo as he grumbled out, kicking his legs against Beth's as if he was blaming her for the discomfort her was probably feeling. "We had a plan in case the prison fell. There were places I'd go and he'd come find me. We only ever agreed to the plan if I had a car though. Was I meant to follow the plan if I was stranded without a car? Plus the plan always included Judy, Theo, you and the girls. What was I meant to do if none of you were with me? Still go on with the plan?"

"I think you were meant to do what we've done. You're agreement was to escape if you had a car and if everyone was with you. When we left we had no car and we didn't have Judith or Becca. We wouldn't have gone." She replied slowing down her pace as I shuffled along, hissing as my boot got caught and a sharp pain shot through my leg.

"We should stop!" Carol called out allowing Tyreese to hear her as she caught up with me and Beth. Her eyes roamed around all of us, settling on Mika and Becca as they sat on the tracks, giggling behind their hands. "The girls need a rest, plus it's not a good idea for Fay to be overdoing it." Her eyes dropped to the bump that seemed to have grown a lot in the last couple of days. I knew it was due to lack of food over the last three days and the amount of walking we had done.

"That sounds like a plan," Tyreese agreed taking Judith from Carol as he sat on the tracks near Mika and Becca. Beth nodded her head as she took Theo out of the carrier, sitting him down on the tracks no doubt letting him stretch. Giggles from Judith and Theo allowed me to relax a little and settle down opposite Beth.

"I'm going to look for water," Carol announced as Lizzie stopped by her side, looking like she wanted to join her. "Mika, why don't you come with me? I want to talk with you." Mika jumped at the opportunity to go with Carol, leaving with her into the woods. Lizzie dropped down a few feet away from us, a longing look on her face as she looked out to the woods where Carol and Mika had left. I guess she was feeling a little dejected that Carol choose Mika over her.

* * *

The house Carol and Mika found was smaller than anything we'd come across in a long time, but it would be perfect for us to settle down in for a couple of days to gain our bearings. Tyreese and Carol were going to clear the inside while me and Beth would wind round the back and make sure the area was clear.

"Lily's got Theo and Lizzie's got Judith, Mika, Becca get your guns out." Carol told the two younger girls as she and Tyreese climbed the stairs tapping on the door as he watched the two youngest get their guns out.

"Come on," I mumbled to Beth once I was sure the girl's wold be safe enough without us. We both walked around the side of the house, guns poised and ready for any on coming walkers that we may have to take out. "Be ready Beth," I spoke softly not wanting to draw attention to us I there were any walkers out here. We rounded the corner of the house, coming to a stop when a large greenhouse and vegetable patch covered the back yard alongside the many pecan trees. The vegetables and fruit growing were overflowing ready to be picked and eaten. Keeping my eyes open for any walkers I stepped closer to the greenhouse, peering around the large glass house before looking out to the rows of trees, happy when I caught no sight of any walkers. With a small whistle and a nod to the other side of the house that would loop us round to the front again.

"It's all clear out here," Beth whispered as we walked round the corner of the house, back to the front of the house just as a series of gunshots rang out. I didn't spare a look with Beth as I rushed forward running as fast as I could to reach the girls. Anything could have happened while no adult was there to supervise. I knew Lily was twelve now alongside Lizzie but the two of them shouldn't be responsible for two seven month old babies and two children under ten.

"Auntie Fay," Becca called out the look of fear leaving her face as she rushed towards me, arms wrapping around my stomach as she rested her head on my chest. "Mika shot the walker, Lizzie she panicked and I was so scared. Lily told me to move but I couldn't. I'm so sorry Aunt Fay."

"Hey sweetheart, it's okay. It's okay honey. I know you would have moved eventually but you can't get scared when a walker's coming towards you. You understand that right?" I muttered to her, wiping away her tears as she sniffled, nodding her head as her lips trembled.

"Let's get you inside yeah?" Beth asked her, picking the eight year old up and walking over to the house where Carol stood with the door open. Tyreese had Judith in his arms, Mika holding onto his hand as he followed Beth into the house, Lily climbing up the steps behind her with Theo babbling away on her hip. Lizzie sat on the floor, crying into her knees as Carol watched her carefully.

"There's a greenhouse and vegetable garden round back. It'll be nice to have something fresh to cook for dinner." I told Carol thinking about the possibility of having roasted vegetable to eat. My stomach rumbled at the thought, and I bit my lip as I shared a smile at my thoughts.

"That sounds wonderful," Carol muttered resting her hand on my shoulder before looking back to Lizzie. "I'm going to speak to her." I nodded my head, glancing at the older woman one more time before slipping into the house to see Becca and Mika playing with two cotton dolls on the floor, Judith and Theo sat up near them playing with some blocks. This would do us good for a couple of days.

* * *

The morning was announced by Judith's babbles to her brother as I shared a room with the two of them and Beth. Tyreese and Carol had given me the master bedroom, the room had a crib as well so it seemed appropriate. Beth shared with me after I insisted she share the double bed as it would be shellfish to keep it to myself. Tyreese had taken the chair in the living area while Carol had set up a mattress on the floor with him. The four girls had the twin room to themselves. Lily and Lizzie taking the two beds while Mika and Becca shared a soft pile of blankets on the floor.

"I have to say that's one of the best nights I've had in a while," Beth yawned sitting up on the bed, slipping her bare legs out of the covers. She swung her legs in front of her a few times before slipping the clean jeans she had found in one of the draws on. Unfortunately compared to her none of the jeans or bottoms fit me except for a pair of jean shorts. They would do for me to wear while we stayed here, giving my jeans enough time to be washed and dried.

"It's been better than sleeping on the forest floor the last couple of nights," I replied climbing out of bed and slipping on the shorts, looking to Theo and Judith as they babbled together, sat up in the crib. I smiled at the two of them happy that the two of them had this chance even after the prison fell to be normal children not effected by the walkers and the world around them. "I've got things planned or us today, Bethy." I stated rolling my shoulders before limping over to the crib, picking up Judith as she lifted her arms up for me.

"Like what? Clearing the house, packing things up ready to leave again?" She asked already knowing that we wouldn't be staying here. She had picked up on the vibe that I shared with Carol, this place was alright for now but it wouldn't be home.

"Carol's going to cook some pecans but I thought that maybe we could cook off some of the veggies and make baby food from them. Nana had us doing it all the time back before this started, we'd feed it to the kids at the nursery." I mused running my fingers through Judith's strawberry locks as she rested her head on my shoulder.

"That sounds like a good idea," Beth agreed picking up a giggling Theo as he smiled up at her. "Carol found a pantry coming off the kitchen, there's a bunch of empty jars in there. It'll be good to take the food with us when we leave. There's some peaches out back as well, make some peach jam like Momma did before all this."

"I'm sure the girls will enjoy that, Carol's going to make some bread for dinner tonight, it'll be good to give them something sweet." I added seeing the smile drop on her lips as she thought of her mom.

* * *

"You're gonna be fine here without us?" Carol asked as she pulled her gun over her shoulder, the strap running over her chest. I knew she was worried after what happened yesterday. Lizzie had managed to slip out unnoticed, Mika following her until they both came running back, screaming because the walkers from the fire had followed them. It was a close call for Mika, the girl was scared but she was fine after her and Becca played with their dolls.

"We'll be fine," I assured her running my hand over my stomach as I sat on the plush chair, my left foot up to try and reduce the swelling. Judith and Theo were playing on a mat on the floor, a bunch of baby toys Lily had found at their disposal as Beth sat by them, making noises as they played. Lily was reading by the window, her eyes drooping as she sniffled. She'd woken with a cold, nothing like the flu but it had her drained and I knew it wouldn't be long before she'd be asleep. Becca was lying on the floor already asleep, she'd had trouble sleeping after the walker incident yesterday. "Mika and Lizzie are gonna go outside in a bit to get some fresh air. I think I'll take Judy and Theo out as well." I told her tapping my fingers on my stomach smiling as the baby kicked back.

"We won't be long, back before lunch," she mumbled giving me a tight smile as they left to go hunt for one of the deer.

"See ya later," I called after them, watching the pair leave, armed and ready to bring back some game.

* * *

"Have you thought of any names for this one?" Beth questioned as she rested her hand on my stomach, smiling brightly as the baby sent a hard kick under her hand.

"I'm not even sure if it's a boy or girl. That time Kelly took the ultrasound he was all curled up hiding from us," I reminded her remembering she was there as well.

"He? I thought you said you didn't know," she teased as she tapped her fingers on my stomach, waiting for the baby to kick back.

"I hate referring to the baby as an it, plus it's very common for a mother not knowing the gender to call the baby a he," I told her sliding her hand over slightly as the baby sent a kick to the left side of my stomach. "Rick and I spoke about names the night Kelly took the ultrasound." I sighed knowing that was the last proper conversation I had with my husband.

"You don't have to tell me," Beth whispered pulling her hand away as I bit my lip to stop the tears from gathering in my eyes.

"He wanted a boy you know," I chuckled, wiping at my eye as a tear slipped through. "We've already got two but I could tell he wanted this one to be a boy as well. He'd never admit it and even if this baby turned out to be a girl he'd never be disappointed, but I knew he wanted it to be a boy."

"How?"

"I asked him about names, the first thing to come out of his mouth barely seconds after I asked was Abel-Jon. I have no idea where the name came from but he was so confident in that name." I chuckled at the memory of my husband flushing red as a school girl as I turned to him shocked. "He went on to list other names after that. Elijah-Wolfe and August-Flynn for more boys names but I was so surprised that he'd actually thought of a girl's name as well. Gwendolen-Rose, for a little girl. It's sweet but I love Winifred-Ivy more, we both agreed on Juinevere Jamie as well, but it going to be hard to settle on a name until the baby's born."

"Perhaps we should come up with a nickname until then?" Beth suggested resting her hand on Theo's back stopping him from toppling over.

"Like what?" I asked her, pushing myself up a little in the chair, taking my foot off of its rest as it started to tingle. Not enough blood had been rushing to my foot in a while.

"Umm Pickle?" she teased and I knew she was talking about the cravings I seemed to have while we started making some pickled onions out of the veggies yesterday.

"That's his daddy he's taking after," I accused flushing red at her words as I suddenly started craving the pickled eggs again. "Rick loves pickled things so much. He made a run to the sort once on a Sunday because we'd run out of pickled onions. He's got worse cravings than me," I giggled feeling the baby flutter around inside at the mention of his daddy.

"Pickle it is then," Beth laughed running her hand through her hair as she tied it up in a bun as she settled her eyes on a still sleeping Becca. I spotted Mika standing by the door way, her ace looking hopeful as she shot the window an exaggerated look. Lizzie was already outside setting up a blanket for us to sit on.

"I'm gonna take the twins outside for a bit with Mika and Lizzie. You wanna stay in her with these two?" I asked nodding towards Lily how had also fallen asleep by the window.

"I've got it covered. Carol said she thinks we'll be leaving soon, back on the road to Terminus. I'm gonna start packing up some clothes for the girls, there's some backpacks in the twin room, they'll do for the girls. Some of the men's shirt will fit you and I'm looking forward to having new clothes." Beth said standing up with the twins in her arms handing Judith to me as Mika came and took Theo waiting for me to go outside with her. "I won't forget to pack the food either,"

* * *

"One, two, three," I sung lifting Theo into the air shaking him lightly as I held him above my head. His giggles erupted in the garden, Mika laughing along with him as she tickled Judith on her belly as she watched us. I noticed that Lizzie was being quiet as she watched us but thought she was just upset about yesterday. It was when I started to bring him down that I smelt it. "Oh god Theo you stink little man," I chuckled scrunching up my nose as I struggled to my feet. "You girls okay to watch Judy so I can go change Mister Stinky-Bum?" I asked them, pressing a kiss to Theo's head as he rested it against my shoulder.

"Yeah," Mika exclaimed obviously excited to be giving such a responsibility. I gave her a small smile before making it back to the house, passing by Beth on the way as she sat curled up on the chair asleep, Becca now in her arms.

"There we go buddy," I cooed as I placed Theo onto the changing table in the bedroom, un-popping his onesie and taking off his dirty diaper. "I bet that feels nice yeah?" I asked knowing he wouldn't reply, I just liked taking to him. I buttoned him back up, noticing his scrunched up face as he let out a yawn. "Are you tired Mr Stinky Bum? Should I put you down for a little nap?" I sung rocking him gently in my arms, humming under my breath as I swayed with him in my arms. His hand grabbed hold of the shirt I was wearing, the one that belonged to Rick as I rocked him in time with the song.

It didn't take long until he was asleep and I placed him into the crib, barely managing to do it with my large bump in the way. I looked down at him for a few seconds taking in the dark curls of his hair and sighed. He looked so much like Rick and I knew that Theo would no doubt be a lot like Carl as he got older. Another trouble maker on my hands.

I pulled the door to, not wanting him to wake and turned back to the living room. Tyreese was there, a shocked look on his face as he held Judith tightly in his arms. He seemed to be shaking, his shoulders hunched over vibrating with what I assumed fear.

"Tyreese?" I whispered stepping towards him but keeping my voice quiet so I wouldn't wake the others. The big man turned to face me, allowing me to notice the tears rolling down his cheeks. "What's wrong?" I asked rushing forwards and taking Judith from his arms, looking her over. Was there something wrong with her? Had she been hurt?

"Mika," he choked out bringing his hands up to his head as he dropped down into one of the wooden chairs by the table. "Lizzie, she – Lizzie killed her." He whispered freezing the blood in my body as I rushed to the window, seeing a lifeless Mika sat by Carol as the older woman hunched over her.

"On god," I cried bringing Judith closer to me as she wept out as if sensing the pain in the room. What the hell were we supposed to do now? I'd defiantly be keeping Lizzie away from the girls and twins. If she could do that to her own sister than what would she do to the others? "Mika,"

* * *

The tracks were quiet. The same as they were before we reached the house but completely different now that we left. No one spoke, not wanting to share a word after the events of yesterday. Becca was exhausted, having spent most of the night crying over Mika and Lily had stayed cold and closed off when she found out what Lizzie did. Beth wasn't as cheerful this morning when she woke as she was yesterday and I knew she was upset that both Mika and Lizzie had ended up getting buried.

Tyreese had taken Judith for me, claiming that he wanted her close as she calmed him and gave him something to fight for. Carol had taken Theo and I just knew she wanted that close bond to a child after having to put Lizzie down. I didn't complain, both of the twins were in safe hands and it gave Beth a rest from constantly holding one of them.

Everything was messed up but we were still fighting. Fighting to get to Terminus and find the others.

"Fay watch out!" Beth shouted pushing me out of the way as walker reached out for me. I managed to gain my footing quickly but landed on my foot again, quickly taking away any of the healing it had done the last couple of days.

"Beth!" I called as I watched her shoved her knife into the walkers head but fell with it down the hill, crying out when she hit the bottom. "Beth!" I yelled ignoring the order Carol gave me to stay and made my way down the hill careful not to slip and fall. "Beth," I mumbled reaching her, rolling the walker off of her back and helping her up. The tears were sliding down her cheeks and I caught sight of the arm she was clutching to her chest. I could already tell that her right wrist was broken from the angle she was holding her arm at against her chest. "Oh god Beth,"

"I'm sorry," she cried resting her head on my shoulder as I stroked her hair trying to calm her down. How could she apologise? She saved my life because I was too busy thinking about stupid things. "I'm sorry,"

"I should be the one who's sorry," I told her pressing a kiss to her head as Carol and the others joined us at the bottom of the hill. "Let me wrap your wrist. I can tell you've broken it. Did you land on it when you fell?"

"Yeah," she whispered sitting up as Tyreese helped her from behind, Lily reaching into the pack on Beth's back and pulling out the medical kit we got from the house.

"This is really gonna hurt so I need you to stay quiet, try not to scream out okay," I sighed knowing that it wouldn't happen. I'd felt the same pain as her when I broke my wrist and knew she wouldn't help the scream that slipped passed her lips. "I'm really sorry about this," I added pulling her hand away from her chest and straightening it out as I wrapped the bandage around her fracture. Beth's scream rung through the forest scaring off any creature nearby and alerting any walker were we were.


	48. Chapter 48

"I'm sorry about your wrist," I mumbled as I helped Beth walk along the tracks, reminding myself not to pull her too hard. Over the time last night after we managed to move from the spot where Beth took her tumble down the slope-side her back and front had covered in large bruises. I knew they hurt her every time she jostled but she wasn't saying anything about it. She even insisted we continue walking until it got dark, even though she'd broken her right wrist and damaged her left knee. Now we were a pair of limpers, her with her knee and me over my ankle.

"It's not your fault Fay," she sighed squeezing my hand as Theo squirmed in the carrier on my back. Even though Carol insisted she carry him while Tyreese carried Judith I felt safer knowing she led the group, keeping an eye out to protect us. She had Lily at her side, weapon out and ready to fire if needed. Becca was walking alongside Tyreese, holding his hand while Beth and I took up the rear. Every now and then Carol would loop around the group, checking in every direction for danger. "I'd rather be hurt than you and Pickle getting hurt."

"But I should have been paying attention. You should have never fallen." I admitted, clenching my teeth together as I let the anger at my actions get the best of me.

"I've told you too many times already, I'll protect you no matter what. I've lost Maggie but the last thing I promised her was that I'd never stop protecting you. I know Rick knew it as well. And until we find them I'll be by your side until the end." She announced her fingers twitching against mine as she squeezed them tightly allowing me to understand that she meant every word.

"I know you don't have to Beth, that's why I'll never be able to thank you enough." I sighed slowing down a little but keeping close to the group as I turned to look at her. "You've put your life on the line for me too many times and you still protect Judy and Theo even when Tyreese and Carol are here. After the prison fell I was scared that things would change. I mean they have changed but you haven't. I mean you've become stronger. You saw your dad get killed Bethy, I would have thought it would have affected you more."

"It has. I can't go one night without seeing it repeat in my head but I knew what he'd say if he was still here." She grumbled giving em a sad smile as she repeated the words he'd all heard him say countless times. "We've all got jobs to do, and my job is to make sure you, the twins and the girls survive until we find the others."

"And my job is to take care of you because you're family," I added smiling at her before looking down at the tracks we were following. "I promise Bethy that as soon as we get to Terminus, I'll fixed up your wrist better, make the binding tighter so it can heal faster."

"I know you will,"

* * *

"We're close." Carol called out as she walked in front of us, Judith in her arms as she took in the surrounding area. We slowed to a stop in front of another sign, Terminus was close if we were going by the distance on the map. "I'm gonna get you all there, make sure you're safe," she added rocking Judith in her arms softly at her words. I could already tell that she wasn't planning on coming. I had the feeling she wasn't going to stay with us forever when she came back after the prison fell. "But I'm not gonna stay,"

"Carol," Beth started but stopped when a walker made its presence known with the usual snarling. I felt Becca come closer, knowing it was her due to the height difference compared to Lily. Lily came closer too, Theo bouncing gently in her arms as he sucked on his pacifier. Carol looked to Tyreese, the only one out of the group that was free to kill the walker. From the dejected look on his face I could tell he wasn't going to be able to do it.

"I can't. Not yet," he whispered looking ashamed that he wasn't able to do it. I guess Lizzie and Mika were still on his mind. Hell they were still on my mind but I knew Tyreese was blaming himself.

"You're going to have to be able to." Carol sneered making herself sound harsh as she gave him a look. Gosh it's not like he wasn't capable if we faced fifty of them. I knew Tyreese would fight if he had to. Plus he was still a bit weak from the wound on his arm.

"Carol," I warned her, fixing the grip on my gun as I caught the older woman's eyes. She didn't need to treat him like that. She huffed as she neared the walker, going down with the dead thing as she pierced her knife into its head. Slowly her head turned towards the woods before snapping back to us.

"More." She whispered rushing to her feet. I grabbed hold of Theo from Lily, knowing that the girl wouldn't let any harm come to him but I felt safer knowing he was with me. Beth grabbed hold of Becca, dragging her into the woods with us as we tried to run from the walkers.

We came to a stop, hiding behind some thick bushes but the walkers were still making their way towards us. Carol sighed out in annoyance, getting up ready to lead us further into the woods when a series of gunshots rang out through the woods. Carol dropped down by Tyreese as we watched the walkers stumble towards the noise. We hide, watching as the walkers ventured passed us, not noticing us as they followed the gunshots towards Terminus.

"That gunfire, it could have been from Terminus." Tyreese stated once all the walkers had passed and we had climbed out from behind the bushes.

"It sounded like it was coming from that direction," Beth mumbled running her fingers through Becca's hair as the nine year old sniffled. If I wasn't mistaken I'd say she was coming down with a cold, sleeping outside every night and walking all day until nightfall wasn't something someone her age should be doing.

"Someone was attacking them." Carol guessed looking over us all before glancing back towards the direction Terminus was in. "Or they were attacking someone." We didn't need that. What if these people were just as bad as the Governor? Or worse.

"Do we even want to find out?" Tyreese asked resting one large hand on Judith's back as Beth handed him another pacifier. I didn't really want the twins having them but if they helped with keeping them quiet I couldn't complain.

"Yeah." Carol answered glancing to me as I nodded with her. If these people were dangerous I wanted to find out before taking the twins or the girls there. "There's another track due east. It'll get us there. We'll be real careful. We're gonna get answers."

* * *

Carol's plan seemed to work as we drew closer to a shed. We stuck to the woods, making sure we couldn't be seen as we followed the second track to Terminus. It was then that we spotted the shed, the man and the car. God that sounds like a bad sitcom.

" _10-minute count. You screw up, you're on your own, Martin."_ A voice called over the radio the Martin-guy had hanging from his belt.

"You don't have to tell me. I wipe my own ass." He grunted getting up from setting something up on the floor. "Alex didn't get it. See, I knew the chick with the sword was bad news. Bitch looked like a weapon with a weapon." Chick with the sword? Was he talking about Michonne? God, I hope he was. It would be good to see her again.

" _He was always a sloppy-ass mother_." Came the reply from the radio. This got a chuckle out of the guy.

"Yeah, I told Albert I want the kid's hat after they bleed him out." Martin replied making my heart beat faster at his words. Chick with the sword, kid's hat. Was this Carl? Michonne? He barely finished his sentence when Carol had her gun to his head. Lily, Beth and Becca raised their guns as well as I shifted Theo on my hip, gripping my gun in my right hand as I watched Carol carefully.

"Keep your finger off the button and drop it." Carol ordered the tough, stern woman she had turned into over the last couple of months coming out as she glanced at me quickly. I wasn't going to stop her, not after what I' heard.

" _They're only doing eight before public face._ "

"Listen, y'all don't have to do this." He begged, turning his head slightly to glance at us as we stood behind him. "Whatever you want, we got a place where everyone's welcome." I snorted at his words, pressing my lips to Theo's hand as he slapped me lightly on the cheek.

"Shut up, man." Tyreese demanded making it known that there was a man here with Carol. That always seemed to shake them up a bit.

"Okay."

"We're friends of the chick with the sword and the kid in the hat." Carol told him, letting him known that we had overheard what he was saying earlier.

"That kid's my son, you asshole," I spat gripping the gun tightly in my hand as I brought it down on the side of his head, watching as he slumped forward. I caught the look Tyreese was giving me, frowning up at him as he ran his hand over Judith's back. "What? You can't tell em he wasn't pissing you off either?" I asked allowing Carol to take the lead as she walked slowly over to the shed that probably belonged to Terminus.

"I forgot that you're badass even when pregnant," Beth mum led, resting her hand on Becca's shoulder as Carol waved us into the shed. Lily took Judith from Tyreese allowing the man to go back outside and drag Martin into the shed with us.

* * *

It sounded like a construction site but Rick knew that there were none of them around anymore. The sharpening of knives behind him had him clenching his teeth through the material gag as he glanced to Daryl on his left, his eyes also settling on Glenn. He looked further down the line of men until his eyes locked with those of the guy Sam he met a couple of days ago. The recognition was seen in Sam's eyes as well before a crunch was heard and his throat was slit.

Rick swallowed as he watched it happen again and again. Rick's hand slipped up his jeans, tugging the jagged piece of wood he managed to snatch from the lock-up container before being brought here. His eyes settled on the Gareth guy as he walked into the room.

"Hey, guys. What were your shot counts?" he called out looking down at a booklet in his hands, not even bothering to look up. It grated on Rick's nerves as he watched this guy walking in so smug.

"38" one of the men behind them grunted before slamming the bat into the guy's head. That only left Glenn now. It was only the four of them left. Glenn, Daryl, him and Bob. Any moment now and the bat would smack into Glenn's head and his throat would be slit.

"Hey! Your shot count?" Gareth called out when the second man behind them didn't answer. Rick could almost feel Glenn shift a little as the tension rose.

"Crap, man, I'm sorry," he winded and if Rick was looking at him he could only bet that the guy was scared of Gareth's reaction. "It was my first roundup."

"After you're done here, go back to your point and count the shells. Kaylee won't be gathering them until tomorrow." Gareth sighed, tapping the pen on the notebook as looked down the line at the men, alive and dead.

"Hey," came the muffled call from Bob. "Hey, let me talk to you."

"Four from A, four from D" Gareth asked ignoring Bob, not even bothering to look at him.

"Yeah," one of the men grunted from behind them.

"Hey, let me talk to you for a minute. Let me talk to you for a minute. Let me talk to you for a minute." Bob pleaded once again trying to prevent Glenn's death.

"What?" Gareth asked sounding as if he had better things to be doing. Rick could think of a few things he'd like to be doing right now. Sinking his teeth into this Gareth guy was one of them.

"Don't do this, we can fix this," Bob glanced to Rick and the others before turning his eyes back to Gareth.

"No, you can't." Gareth stated simply as if it was obvious what the world was meant to be like now.

"You don't have to do this. What if we told you there's a way out of all this? You just have to take a chance. We have a man who knows how to stop it. He has a cure, we just have to get him to Washington." Bob paused as he looked up to Gareth, seeing something in the man that let him know that what he was saying wasn't going to change his mind. "You don't have to do this man. We can put the world back to how it was," it was a whisper, a pleading tone he used in hope that Gareth would give in.

"Can't go back, Bob." Gareth said pushing the gag back into the man's mouth.

"We can! You don't have to do this!" Gareth ignored Bob's calls as he walked over to stand in front of Rick, looking down at him. He crouched down to the same height, taking the gag out of Rick's mouth. The look Rick was giving him would have made any other man shiver in his boots and start running for the hills. The look in Rick's eyes shouted 'I'm going to kill you!'

"We saw you go into the woods with a bag and come out without it. Had to pull my spotters back before we could go look for it. What was in it?" Gareth asked acting as if he didn't really care but Rick, after many years of training, could tell he really wanted to know. "You hid it, right? In case things went bad? Smart. Still, we'll find it. But it's too dangerous to go out there right now." After his words Gareth pulled out his knife, grabbed Bob by the neck and positioned the knife by his left eye. "What was in it? I'm curious. And it was a big bag." Rick didn't answer. Just stared Gareth down, letting him know that this way of getting him to speak wasn't really going to work. He wouldn't let Bob die though, not for a bag of guns. "You really gonna let me do this?" Gareth questioned, shifting the knife slightly closer to Bob's eye.

"Well let me take you out there," Rick finally spoke, nodding towards the window of the building to let Gareth know where he was talking about. "I'll show you,"

"Not gonna happen. This might." Gareth replied twitching his hand that held the knife even closer to Bob's eye.

"There's guns in it." Rick answered quickly not wanting any harm to come to Bob. "AK-47, 44 Magnum. Automatic weapons. Nightscope. There's a compound bow and a machete with a red handle." He listed off before looking Gareth dead in the eye. "That's what I'm gonna use to kill you." Gareth pulled the knife away from Bob, slipping it back into his sheath. He bit his lip, pulling out a slightly crumbled piece of paper.

"I got this from you kid," Gareth announced holding up the piece of paper revealing to Rick the photo he had seen Carl looking at many times since the prison fell. "Is that your girl?" Gareth asked running his finger over the red hair of Fay as he tilted the photo for Rick to see. "She's hell of a beautiful girl, Rick. She still out there?" Rick clenched his teeth tightly as he looked from the photo to Gareth thinking of the possible ways he could kill him without anyone realising it until the man was dead.

"Gareth," one of the men behind them called, only to get waved off by their boss.

"Those babies yours as well? This one looks like you," his finger pointed to Theo, before sliding over to Carl. "Looks like his big brother but this one, the little girl," his finger rested underneath Judith, the little pink dress she was wearing standing out in the photo. "She looks like her mom." Rick fought the urge to leap at the man, comforted by the nudge that Daryl gave him as the man he thought of as his brother bumped into his side. "If we find them I won't kill your wife." Gareth's eyes traced the writing on the back of the photo. "Fay is it? Yeah, well I won't hurt her. Perhaps I'll keep her here with me. It has been getting a bit lonely since the world came to an end." Rick fought against the ties holding his hands together. He really wanted to hit this man now.

"I'm gonna kill you," Rick seethed through his gag, not caring if the other three were wishing he wouldn't say anything. There was no way in hell he would ever let another man touch Fay, even if he had to die to stop her from getting touched.

"I'm not sure what I'll do with the babes. Maybe I'll bring them up as my own," he shrugged, giving Rick a smirk as he stood up, dropping the photo into the draining blood in the metal basin below him. "Or maybe … maybe I'll just eat them."

Before Rick could jump up a series of gunshots sounded in the distance. Rick barely paid attention as Gareth spoke on his radio. He was focusing on the bullets that grew closer to the building they were in before an explosion shock the building, knocking Daryl into Rick.

* * *

Carol had gone to get the others, taking the bag Martin had here with her. Tyreese was standing by the window and door, keeping look-out in case we got over-run, by walkers or humans we didn't care.

Beth was running her fingers through Becca's hair, her broken wrist resting light in the sling I had managed to make out of an abandoned sheet, while Theo slept in an old, broken mini fridge we'd managed to cushion with old tarps. Lily stood rocking a whining Judith as the little girl pulled at her lips as if in pain. She had another toot coming through and I knew she'd be groggy until it pierced the gum. With the last few teeth, both she and Theo got a little temperature and cold. I could only hope we'd find some medicine to help her fight it.

I ran my hand over my bump, trying to calculate how far along I would be now, but stopped thinking when my mind settled on Rick. Was eh with Carl? Had they managed to meet up after the attack?

"Aunt Fay," Lily called out stopping in front of me, holding Judith out to me. "She won't stop crying."

"It's okay Lily," I muttered taking the baby from the brunette as she looked at me sheepishly. "She's teething, she'll be a little madam from a while," I told her pressing my lips to Judith's warm head as she rested it against my shoulder, her hand grabbing a fistful of curls as she pressed her lips to my neck, slobbering over me.

"She got a name?" Martin asked looking to Judith in my arms as Lily sat down in front of Theo. "Hey, she got a name?" he repeated leaning forward from where he sat tied up, peering up at me. I rolled my eyes at him, sharing a look with Tyreese before answering.

"Judith," it was simple and stopped him from asking again. God, I don't think I could live with him longer than another five minutes if he asked any more questions.

"She your daughter?" I nodded at his question watching as his eyes dropped to Theo. "He your son as well? They twins?" he asked receiving another nod as I rocked Judith gently, noting that she scrunched up her face as the baby sent a kick into her stomach. Don't tell me there was already a sibling rivalry happening between them. Judith sent a kick back which made me smile. I suppose Carl would have been like this if he had a brother or sister when he was younger. They'd be fighting for attention. "You already having another one. They ain't that old, must have fallen for that one fast."

"Shut up," Tyreese snapped looking away from the window and to Martin. The man obviously annoying him as well.

"Oh, I get it." Martin laughed the sound rattling around my brain. "You cheated on your man? With him?" he nodded towards Tyreese at his words. Did he honestly think I'd cheat on Rick?

"You wish," I muttered rolling my eyes as I shifted a sleeping Judith on my shoulder.

"What? Another man then? I saw your kid at Terminus, he was with his dad,"

"Rick? He was there?" I asked cutting him off, stepping forward as I looked down at him. Beth stood at my words, stepping closer to me as she held her knife in her hand tightly.

"Guy with blue eyes, brown hair, kinda curly, beard? Kind of a dick-ish look about him? That Rick?" he questioned a smirk taking place on his lips as I clenched my teeth at his words.

"I would stop talking," Tyreese offered to him, chis hand resting on the hammer, dangling from his belt as he glanced back out the window.

"You know, your friend, she ain't coming back. You ain't gonna see your kid again, or Rick or that bitch with the sword. Gareth's gonna drain them all." He chuckled at the thought, no doubt an image in his head of my family dying. "That car outside, how 'bout you take that, the lot of ya leave or ya'll end up like the others,"

An explosion from the direction we knew Terminus to be in had us all looking away from Martin as he chuckled to himself. Did Carol do that? Or was that the people from Terminus? Jesus, Rick and Carl had been there. I could feel my heart thumping in my chest at the thought of the two of them dead, or getting attacked by walkers.

"Lily!" Becca's voice yelled out, calling for her sister. I spun, looking to the smaller brunette as Martin pulled her closer to him, his tied hands around her throat. Lily raised her gun at Martin, her finger on the trigger ready to pull to save her sister.

"You, big guy," Martin yelled out getting Tyreese's attention as he turned away from the window. "Drop your weapons and leave," smacking on the windows startled me as a bunch of walkers came to the shed. They must have been on their way to Terminus, towards the explosion but heard us on the way.

"Hey, hey just let go of the girl," Tyreese tried to plead but I knew Martin wasn't going to listen.

"Hey, shut up. Drop your weapons on the floor. All of you! Do it now and I won't hurt her!" He yelled looking round at us all, tightening his hands on Becca's throat. Lily dropped her gun, not even bothering to ask for permission as she did as Martin asked. Beth did the same, placing her knife on the floor while Tyreese placed his hammer, knife and gun down. Martin's eyes looked to me, his eyes dropping to the gun in my hands.

"Okay," I whispered dropping down slowly to place my gun on the floor. I shifted Judith in my grip, placing her next to Theo in the broken mini fridge.

"Now you," he went on point to Tyreese and then the door. "Leave or I strangle her to death," Becca was crying uncontrollably now, her sobs shaking her body as she struggled against Martin. "Go outside, it'll be real easy man. Don't make me do it." I glanced to the walkers as they smacked against the windows violently as the shouting inside got them roused.

"Tyreese go," I begged him not wanting any harm to come to Becca because he was afraid to leave. I knew he'd be able to handle himself against the walkers, there didn't seem to be that many out there.

"Okay," Tyreese muttered grabbing hold of the door handle. "Okay," he tugged open the door, pushing back a walker as he slammed it shut behind him. His yells could be heard from outside, grunts from walkers, Tyreese's shouts. I bit my lip, blinking away the tears that wanted to fall. I blamed myself. I told him to go out there. There must have been more walkers than I thought.

"Cynthia, do you copy?" Martin called over the radio, leaving Becca standing where he had grabbed her as he left her to get the radio. "Cynthia, do you copy?" Beth crept towards Becca, tugging her away and towards us as she took the girls place.

Martin turned when he got no reply, his eyes landing on Beth before they shot to Becca, in Lily's arms.

"Wrong move asshole!" I snapped at him grabbing the gun in front of me, raising it at him. I flattered when I saw he a knife to Beth's neck. He had managed to cut his bindings while he was at the table.

"Wrong move bitch," he replied nicking Beth's neck before squeezing her broken wrist in his hand causing Beth to scream out. Her screams were raw and full of pain. I gripped my gun tightly, trying to find the right angle to shot at Martin.

Tyreese barging through the door had Martin pulling away from Beth, aiming his knife, ready to fight Tyreese if he had to. When he turned to the side, I took my chance, shooting him in the knee, watching him fall to the floor. Tyreese acted on my shot, punching him in the ace, over and over.

"Tyreese, stop!" I called to him, running over and placing my hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, we don't have to kill him. It's okay," I whispered tugging on his shoulder, pulling him away from a knocked out Martin. "We're not like them. We won't kill him."

"Okay," Tyreese mumbled grabbing some rope, wrapping it around Martin's hands and feet.

* * *

"It's gonna take a lot longer for this to heal," I sighed wrapping Beth's wrist again as she pressed her face into her shoulder, looking away from her hand. It was worse than before, the bone having been moved when Martin wrapped his hand around it.

"I'm sorry Beth," Becca cried wiping away her tears as she looked up to the blonde that had rescued her.

"Hey, hey sweetheart, it's okay. It wasn't your fault," Beth cooed to her wrapping her in her arms, placing a kiss to Becca's head.

"Carol's back," Lily called out a smile on her face as she turned away from the window, rushing to Judy and Theo. She handed Judith to Tyreese as the man lifted the bags onto his shoulder before picking up Theo. "Come on Becca, their here." Becca rushed to her sister, the two of them following Tyreese out of the shed.

"Come on," Beth mumbled helping me to my feet as we grabbed the last of the bags, following the others outside.

The sight that met my eyes had the tears falling before I even knew they were forming. Rick had both twins in his arms, Carl pressing kisses to their heads as they cried with what I assumed was happiness. Daryl was beside them resting on the floor, Becca and Lily in his arms as the two girls cried, whispering to him. Maggie rushed over to us, wrapping Beth in her arms while Tyreese and Sasha were in a similar position.

"Mom!" Carl called out before the boy was in my arms, his face buried in my neck as his tears ran down to mix with Judith's slobber.

"Hey, baby," I cried wrapping him close to me, flinching back when rough fingers brushed my cheek. "Rick," a smile trembled on my lips as my husband pushed Carl away from me, crashing his lips to mine. I sighed as I wrapped my arms around him, trying to pull him as close to me as I could. His hands rested on my bump, caressing it as he tugged me closer. A small kick from the baby had him chuckling against my lips.

"You know she's my mom," Carl whined, huffing as Rick reached over and pushed his shoulder lightly, pressing a kiss to my head. I pulled away from Rick looking to Michonne as she rocked Theo in her arms, pressing a kiss to his head as Carl took Judy from Glenn.

"I met her first," Rick argued, running his hand down my back as Carl scrunched up his nose and rolling his eyes.

"We met her at the same time," he grumbled pressing his face into his sister's hair as she pulled lightly on his.

"Whatever," Rick muttered rolling his eyes as he lifted his head, looking at the smoke coming from burning Terminus. "I don't know if the fire is still burning." He grumbled looking around the surrounding area on high alert.

"It is," I replied along with Carol and Lily. Rick nodded his head at our words, resting his hand on Judith's back before looking at everyone else in the group. There were a few of them I didn't know, two guys and two women. I was sure the one hanging around with Glenn I had seen before.

"Yeah, we need to go," Rick stated taking the bag I had on me and shouldering it. I rolled my eyes at him but took Judith from Carl, also ignoring the way everyone gave me a stern look.

"Yeah, but where?" Daryl asked running his hand through Becca's hair. It was unusual to see him like this but those girls where like Daryl's own, I knew if anything was to happen to them Daryl would be devastated.

"Somewhere far away from there," Rick replied nodding towards the fire as he shared a look with Michonne which resulted in her handing Theo to a welcoming Carl. Theo's eyes widened as he was handed off to his brother, letting out a giggle before smacking his brother in the face.

"Oi, Theo!" Carl exclaimed pulling away from the baby as he tried to hit him again. "Mom, tell him!" I chuckled at the two of them, looking down to Judith as she tried to reach for her brothers as well.

"Come on Theo, be nice to your brother," I cooed to the baby as I stepped closer with Judith only for the girl to tug harshly on Carl's hair. "Judy!" I laughed, trying to shift her away from Pickle's bump as she kicked when Pickle kicked. "Whoa," I exclaimed stopping quickly as Pickle kicked aggressively a few times, Judy scrunching up her nose and doing the same as Pickle, kicking back.

"What?" Carl asked shaking his head as his hair slipped from Judith's grip.

"Pickle's kicking up a fuss and Judy's retaliating," I told him smiling as Judith dropped her head to me shoulder, crying out in a whine as pickle kicked her again.

"Pickle?" Rick and Carl asked at the same time, Rick taking Judith from my arms, pressing a kiss to her head as she placed her hands in his beard.

"Beth named him that." I told them pulling the rifle over my shoulder, holding it firmly as we started walking again. "The other day I had a big craving for some pickled onions we found in this house, I ate two jars."

"That sounds amazing," Rick sighed no doubt thinking about the pickled onions.

"More like gross," Carl argued as he shifted Theo so the boy was sat on his hip as we climbed up a small hill, following the tracks away from Terminus.

"I know, I wouldn't have liked it if it wasn't for the baby." I agreed with Carl scrunching up my nose at the thought of pickled onion. "I was never a fan until this one came along."

"Takes after his dad then," Michonne muttered giving me a smile as she glanced down at Judith in Rick's arms before giving Rick a look, holding her arms out for the baby. I guess she had gotten over the fear she had of the twins. I suppose that would happen when you thought your family was dead. I glanced round looking at everyone as we went towards the unknown.

"Where's Kelly?" I asked not being able to see the brunette, I glanced to Rick seeing that he was looking away, running his hand over his beard as he avoided my gaze. "Rick. Where is Kelly?"

"She err, she was with Daryl," he grunted flashing his eyes to me before sighing deeply. "She was taken by someone, Daryl tried to find her, he chased the car. We're gonna find her. I promise you." He swore taking my hand in his as he slowed us to a stop, tucking a loose curl behind my ear. "I promise we'll find her."


	49. Chapter 49

We walked for hours, making our way further away from Terminus and the walkers that were no doubt shuffling towards the burning building. I was tired, more so in these last couple of hours travelling than I had been when we were on our way to Terminus.

"Water?" Glenn asked coming up beside me as I walked beside Beth, talking to her about stupid things that we liked before the world ended. I smiled at him, taking the bottle from his hand as he dropped his eyes to the almost six and a half month bump that stuck out of my middle. "You feeling okay? Not too tired? You don't hurt anywhere? Do you need to stop?" I couldn't help but chuckle at his words, running my free hand over Pickle's home as I shook my head at the man.

"I'm fine Glenn, a little too hot but I'm not gonna complain after what you guys went through today," I told him uncapping the bottle and taking a few sips before handing it off to Beth. She took the bottle, took a few sips and handed it over to Carl, who copied her actions before handing it off to Lily. I could see Glenn watching, thinking that this wasn't what he had pictured when he handed off the bottle to me.

"We'll be stopping soon, it's getting dark and I know Rick will want us to buckle down and camp. He's worried about you, thinks you're pushing yourself too hard. I've seen you limping, your ankle's messed up and you're heavily pregnant. How long do you think you can keep doing this without stopping or taking your time?" he replied shifting slightly as he looked around awkwardly. I guess he wasn't really happy that Rick had set him up to ask me how I was really feeling or to tell em to take it easy.

This wasn't the time to be taking it easy. I knew I should but we had nowhere safe to settle down and I couldn't stay unguarded out here, not when I had this baby to care for and Judy, Theo and Carl. And I had to think about Lily and Becca. I knew Daryl was there for them, and Beth and the rest of the group but they hadn't taken too well to Kelly being missing.

"I don't want to drag the group behind," I sighed looking ahead of us at the rest of the group as they lead us further away from Terminus. Maggie, Tyreese and Michonne walked behind us, keeping us safe in case something snuck up behind us.

"You won't," Michonne stated holding out a pack of crackers that had been travelling around the group. "You're family. If you're slow, we'll slow down with you. At the end of the day we all know you'll be able to keep up if you have to." She gave me a small smile her eyes drifting to Rick as he turned to face us, Judith in his arms, clutching hold of his shirt, the other hand in his beard. "Plus we all know Rick won't let anything happen to you. He'd rather die than let any harm come to you,"

"That's true," Maggie added holding a sleeping Theo in her arms. She had taken the boy off of Carl about half an hour into our trek, not letting anyone take him from her since she had him. "We've been given our orders when it comes to you and the twins. Our main goal is to keep you safe, get you out if there's a horde."

"Of course he'd have orders for everyone," I grumbled, stifling a yawn as started to realise how tired I actually was.

* * *

When we settled down for the night it was to no fire, barely any food to share between us and my feet ached. Rick settled down by a tree, allowing me to settle between his legs, my head resting on his head on his shoulder, my stomach – the bump more like – settled against his stomach as I closed my eyes. Judy and Theo were sleeping on a blanket between us and Carl, another soft blanket tucking them in. Carl's hand was resting lightly by Theo's back, ready in case his little brother woke up. Beth's head was resting on my legs, her left hand rubbing at my swollen ankle, trying to take away the swelling. Lily and Becca were asleep next to her, Becca's head resting on Beth's stomach, Lily sleeping at her sister's feet. Tyreese was on Rick's right, close enough to us if anything happened but far enough away that he was giving us our space. Carol was next to Carl, not sleeping but rather talking to Daryl who was next to her.

Maggie and Glenn were sat by Beth, Maggie keeping her hand close to her sister in case she had to grab her, and the same was to be said about Glenn. Keeping his hand close to Maggie in case he needed to grab her. It was funny to think how we all thought now. Tara was near them as well, I knew about her little back story, Rick had told me about her being there when the prison fell. But she hadn't shot at us.

Sasha and Bob were sat by Tyreese, Sasha obviously not wanting to be away from her brother and Bob not wanting to be away from Sasha. Yes that was a thing now. Abraham, Rosita and that Eugene fellow were the furthest away from the group, but Eugene still sat quiet close to Tara, muttering to her about computer games.

Abraham didn't sleep, no doubt staying on guard to protect Eugene and his secret cure. Rosita was resting against him, her eyes closed but I knew she was awake. Rick wouldn't sleep either, not after what happened at Terminus, but I knew that was bound to happen.

"This is funny," Rick mumbled, bending his head closet to me so no one else would hear us.

"What is?" I asked nuzzling my head closer to his chest as he wrapped his arms around me, keeping me warm against the chill in the air.

"As soon as you sat down and we had the twins settled everyone else settled down as well," he replied, running his fingers through my hair as he pulled it loose from its braid.

"How's that funny?" I questioned glancing up at him, frowning at the man I had fallen in love with. Had he hit his head? I knew that one of the men from Terminus had kicked him in the head but he said he was fine.

"No, not that. I mean Carl stayed near the twins and I understand that but Beth, she settled at your feet, Lily and Becca staying with her. Tyreese is on our right, Sasha and Bob following him and Carol, she sat next to Carl and Daryl went straight to her, after he checked on the girls. Maggie and Glenn, they stayed near Beth and Tara's sat next to them. Eugene went to Tara and Abraham and Rosita sat near him. It's just like everyone's moved around to be near you and the twins." He explained, massaging my head with his fingers gently. I chuckled at his words, pressing my lips to his neck as I shifted up in his arms, noting that Beth automatically lifted her head when she felt me move before placing it down again.

"That's how we slept on the way to Terminus. I'd settled down with the twins, Bethy would be on their other side, Lily and Becca sleeping at their feet while Mika and Lizzie slept above their heads. Tyreese would stay on one side of me while Carol stayed on Beth's side. Either way the kids would be protected in case any threats came at us." I told him running my fingers through his bread, tugging on the hair lightly. I had noticed that it was longer than he'd ever grown it before. I actually liked it.

"I like that," he grumbled confusing me for a moment as I wondered what he was talking about. Did he like what I had said or me tugging on his beard?

"What?" I whispered pressing a light kiss to his chin as I slid my hands up and into his hair. I loved the curls he had growing, even if his hair was greasy. He had no problem playing with my hair and I knew that needed cleaning.

"Nothing," he muttered capturing my lips with his as he gave me a sweet kiss. "Did you see anyone else get out?" he questioned placing one hand against my stomach, smoothing it over in circles as Pickle started hiccupping. I knew Maggie had found the bus, Glenn finding it after her but I knew that wasn't all of our people. A load of them died at the prison, shot in cold blood and killed by the Governor's men.

"Amy," I sighed out, blinking away the tears as I thought about the blonde and her death. "I saw her … she was shot in the head."

"Oh Fay, sweetheart," he groaned out, pressing his lips to my head in a comforting way as he rubbed my arm gently as I sniffed. I wouldn't cry. Not because Amy didn't deserve it but because it would be too dangerous to break down right now. We were out in the open, a target to anyone or anything. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"It's okay," I mumbled tapping my fingers against the base of his neck, pulling him closer so I was sure Carl wouldn't overhear us. "I can tell that you and Carl have been through a lot worse,"

"We'll talk tomorrow," he promised, rubbing his finger at the base of my neck, pulling me closer to his chest. "Go to sleep,"

* * *

"Are you sure you're okay?" Carl asked shifting Judith on his hip as he shared a glance with Beth. I guess the two of them picked up where they left off after my first pregnancy. I rolled my eyes at him, settling them on Theo instead as he played with Beth's hair.

"I'm fine baby," I told him popping another berry Daryl had given me into my mouth. Every other second I had someone giving me food, making sure I was drinking whatever water we had on us or taking anything heavy from me. Judith started whining then, reaching out for me, but Carl kept pulling her arms away which only set her off even more. "Pass her here,"

"But dad doesn't-"

"I don't care what your dad wants." I grumbled lifting my arms, waiting for him to hand over his sister. "Carl,"

"Mom," he argued rocking Judith on his hip only for her to throw her head back and let out a scream. He looked around quickly, noting that everyone had turned to see what had Judith screaming and fighting against her brother. "Fine," he complained handing her over, scrunching up his face when she settled down immediately, resting her head on my shoulder, looking over at him with a smile. "She played me!" he accused frowning at his baby sister as she tangled her hands in my loose hair.

"I guess she's got you wrapped around her finger," I teased sending Rick a smile as he looked over at us. His eyes settled on Judith, dropped to my stomach and shook his head. I rolled my eyes at him, shifting Judith so she was resting gently on my stomach, her body curving around the bump that housed her little brother or sister.

A snap of branches in the trees beside us had everyone raising their weapons, ready to attack. Carl stepped in front of me, protecting not only myself but Judith as well. I smiled slightly at that, proud that he thought it was needed. Daryl stepped out of the trees, raising the rope of squirrels he'd caught when he set out early to hunt.

"We surrender," he joked, rolling his eyes joining Rick as the two of them started to lead us all again. I had no idea where we were going but I knew it was to somewhere safe.

"Keep close," he called out, circling his finger around to indicate he wanted us all to keep close together.

"Did, did dad tell you what happened?" Carl asked looking around at the others surrounding us as we walked in the middle of the group. I could tell by the way he was shifting that it was to do with the group they met up with before Terminus. Rick hadn't told me the whole story, said he'd tell me when we settled down for the night tonight but he had told me that there was a close call the night before Terminus.

"No, but I do know that whatever happened I won't stop loving you," I told him, running my right hand through his hair as I stepped closer to him, pressing a kiss to his head. Judith thought that would be the best moment to hit her brother on the head, obviously not liking that he was getting the attention that she wasn't. "Ah, come on Jude, you have to share mommy," I whispered to her smiling at the way she was frowning at her older brother.

"I don't think she agrees," Carl added, tickling Judy laughing along with his sister when she let out a giggle. He pulled his hands away quickly when Rick sent us a look. One that clearly stated we needed to be quiet.

"I'm not sure how she'll be when Pickle gets here then. She can't stand it when I give you and Theo attention, but then again she hates it when your dad gives anyone besides her attention as well." I told the teen smile at him as Judith settled her head against my shoulder again, her hair tickling my neck.

Carl opened his mouth to reply when a shout for help echoed through the trees. I looked up startled, counting everyone in our group before sharing a look with Rick. Carl on the other hand didn't get the need to be cautious.

"Dad, come on!" he muttered shaking his head when no one rushed to help. "Come on! Come on," he ushered everyone forward, leading the way to the screaming man. Tyreese rested his hand on my shoulder, keeping me from running off after everyone else as we followed the group slowly. I wouldn't have been able to run even if they wanted me to. I really needed to pee.

We reached the others, just as they took out the walkers that were attacking the man. He wore all black, and was curled up on top of a rock. There was nothing different about this man, he was just like us. A survivor.

"We're clear. Keep watch." Rick ordered as the group came closer together, keeping it tight. "Come on down," he spoke to the man on the rock, a look of uncertainty crossing the man's face. He kind of looked like Bob, but I guess I knew Bob wasn't a wimp like this guy. I think I preferred Bob, not only because I knew him but also because when I looked at Bob I could tell that he was strong and ready to fight in this world. This guy on the other hand … not so much. "You okay?" Rick asked him when he settled on the ground beside him. In answer to his question the man threw up at his feet.

"Oh god," I grumbled feeling my stomach jolt as the man continued to be sick.

"Sorry." He mumbled looking to Rick, I guess my husband wasn't impressed and let that show. "Yes. Thank you. I'm Gabriel." He answered running his hands along his clothes. Hang on … is he a priest?

"Jesus Christ," I muttered sharing a glance with Beth as she screwed up her nose at this man's antics.

"Do you have any weapons on you?" Rick asked him, looking him over as Michonne watched, leaning against the rock. The man, Gabriel, started chuckling, looking around at us all before looking back to Rick.

"Do I look like I would have any weapons?" he replied shifting on his feet. I bet he could feel the judgement as everyone watched him. Luckily I'd never had to face that feeling but I sure as hell knew what it felt like to be watched by everyone.

"We don't give two short and curlies what it looks like." Abraham answered, shifting the gun in his hand no doubt making himself more intimidating then he looked before.

"I have no weapons of any kind. The word of God is the only protection I need." Oh Jesus how was this guy still alive?

"Sure didn't look like it." Daryl muttered, his hand rested against a tree, one of his arrows in his hand.

"I called for help. Help came." Gabriel answered shifting his gaze around everyone again before looking back to Rick. "Do you have … have any food? Whatever I … I had left, it just hit the ground." He asked shifting once again on his feet as Rick continued to stare at him not even answering. I knew the look he had on his face without having to look at him.

"We've got some pecans." Carl answered handing him a handful of pecan I had given him the night before. Gabriel took them from him, giving the boy a smile.

"Thank you." He mumbled closing his fingers around the nuts as he shifted his eyes between Carl and Rick.

"Daa, baba," Judith mumbled reaching out for Theo as Beth stepped closer to us. Theo looked over to us, his lips stretching out into a smile.

"Bubo, daaa," he replied as if he was conversing with his sister. She seemed to understand him, letting out a giggle as she rested her head against my shoulder.

"Those are beautiful children" Gabriel muttered his eyes resting on Judith and Theo before settling on me. I frowned at him, shifting Judith onto my hip as she turned her head to the new voice. "I see there will be more soon." He added his eyes taking in the curve, rounded bump that announced my pregnancy. Rick stepped closer to him, his shoulders tensing at the man's words. I watched as everyone in the group shifted at Rick's movements, Daryl raising his crossbow as if this man was a threat. Tyreese stepped closer to my side, his hand resting on my shoulder as Beth came closer as well. I think realization hit Gabriel then as he watched how defensive the group got. "Do you have a camp?" he asked moving his eyes away from me, turning them back to Rick.

"No. Do you?" Rick asked, titling his head to the side. I could tell that he was pissed off with this man already, that being noted in his voice.

"I have a church," Gabriel muttered taking a step away from Rick. I guess he sensed it as well.

"Hold your hands above your head." Rick ordered and I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face as he waved his hands up, making Gabriel lift his. "How many walkers have you killed?" Rick asked him starting with the first question we had on our list.

"Not any, actually."

"Turn around." Rick pushed at his shoulder getting the man to face Michonne as he patted him over. "How many people have you killed?" the second question out of the three. Probably the most important really.

"None."

"Why?" and there was the third question. The question that determined the fate of the human. I guess we couldn't really judge anyone, what with the amount of people we'd killed but I could honestly say that everyone we had killed was killed because we were protecting our family.

"Because the Lord abhors violence." Gabriel supplied making me want to snort at his answer. Was this guy really for real? I mean how was he still alive?

"What have you done? We've all done something." Rick asked as Gabriel turned to face him. I guess Rick couldn't believe that someone like Gabriel was still alive if he'd not killed any walkers since the outbreak.

"I'm a sinner. I sin almost every day. But those sins, I confess them to God, not strangers." So he had something to hide. Who would hide something important from the people that basically held your life in their hands?

"You said you had a church?" Michonne asked taking Gabriel's attention away from Rick as the man nodded, pointing in the direction I assumed the church was in.

* * *

The church was small, much like the one we had seen when looking for Sophia. It was white, well as white as it could be in the apocalypse. Smallish but defiantly a small town church. I knew Beth would love it, I could already see from the small smile on her face that it reminded her of home.

"Hold up." Rick called out as Gabriel reached the doors. "Can we take a look around first? We just want to hold on to our squirrels." He held his hand out for the keys, unlocking the door and waving his hand around, whistling out when Daryl, Michonne, Glenn and Carol followed him in.

I watched Rick enter first, always the one to take care of his family before the other followed him in. Maggie and Tara came over then, obviously following some signal Rick gave them as they stepped between me and Gabriel, keeping a distance between the man that had lead us here and us. I bet it was Rick that signaled them to protect us.

"Let me take her," Carl spoke, bringing my gaze away from the door as he pulled Judith from my arms.

"I'm fine," I argued reluctantly letting her slip from my arms as he gave me a look. He was definitely turning into his dad. "Carl,"

"You shouldn't be holding her anyway. Plus you need to rest." He claimed, nodding down to the bump before waving Tyreese over. The man had a bottle of water in his hand, the cap already screwed off as he handed it to me.

"I can't believe you're doing this," I groaned out taking the bottle of water from the man, sipping at it before pressing the bottle to Judith's lips, letting her sip at the water. I copied it with Theo watching with a smile on my face as he reached out for the bottle, wanting more. He probably wanted to swim in it rather than drink it.

"Dad's back," Carl announced taking the bottle from em and handing it to Lily as she smiled up at the boy. Carl gave her a smile in return before watching his dad and the others come out of the church.

"I spent months here without stepping out the front door. If you found someone inside, well, it would have been surprising." Gabriel muttered a weary smile on his face as he looked around at the group.

"Thanks for this." Carl announced to the priest, giving him a big smile, rocking Judith in his arms. I guess Carl was the only one who was really be nice to Gabriel. After all the man had brought us back with him, giving us a place to stay sheltered for the evening, giving the kids somewhere to stay.

"We found a short bus out back." Abraham announced giving Rick a look as his eyes settled on Gabriel. "It don't run, but I bet we could fix that in less than a day or two. Father here says he doesn't want it." I gave them one last glance before following Beth inside the church.

If the others were going to hang around outside in the heat chatting, I'd rather sit inside, away from the sun, taking the weight off my feet.

* * *

"Hey sweetheart," Rick whispered stirring me from the sleep I had dozed into. I blinked a few times, before I could see him clearly.

"Hey," I mumbled, licking my lips and sitting up a little. My back ached like hell and my feet felt like they'd fall off at any time.

"We're gonna head out, just a few of us. I'm heading out to the food bank with Michonne, Sasha, Bob and Gabriel. Glenn, Maggie and Tara are gonna look around town. Daryl and Carol are out getting water. Abraham and Rosita will be here, working on the bus." He told me his hand resting lightly on my stomach, caressing it softly. "Beth, Carl, the girls and Eugene will be in here with you. Tyreese will be here."

"Okay," I sighed knowing he'd leave someone like Tyreese here with us in case something happened. I gave him a small smile, letting out a yawn as I stretched settling my eyes on Carl. He was sat on a pew opposite mine, looking solemn as he looked over to Beth and Lily as the tow of them played with the twins, Becca sat near them colouring in. No doubt Gabriel had given her the stuff to make her happy. "I think he wants to speak to me," I mumbled nodding at Carls o Rick would understand who I was taking about.

"Yeah, he does. Look,"

"I know Rick. Something bad happened. You want to protect him but you can't. Not all the time. It's not your fault either, he knows that. I understand that he's still a child to you but look at him. He's not a child, even if we wish he was. He strong, like his dad." I stated cutting him off, probably stopping his explanation of how he wants to keep Carl safe. "He has to speak, has to let everything out."

"I know," he mumbled sounding as if he really didn't want to. "Look we'll be back soon. Keep safe, Tyreese will watch you."

"You stay safe," I muttered to him, lifting his hand from my stomach, pressing a kiss to it as he leant forward, pressing a soft kiss to my lips before leaving the church.

* * *

It was warm outside, the days slowly leaving summer and eventually bringing the autumn. Hell I was surprised it was still this warm considering it was October, soon it would be winter and another storm of snow would be bringing its way to us. It should technically be autumn now, but I could argue and say that the summer was fighting off the cold, trying to hold onto the last of the warmth.

"Mom," Carl called as he stepped out of the church, looking down at me as I sat on the steps, looking out into the trees. It was beautiful out here.

"Hey baby," I replied giving him a smile as he dropped down beside me. I could tell from the look on his face and the lack of smile that this was the time he had chosen to talk to me about what had happened.

"Can we … can we talk?" he asked standing up, taking one of my hands in his and helping me to my feet. "I don't want to talk here,"

"We'll take a walk," I assured him, keeping my hand in his as I lead him around the church, giving Rosita a small wave as she watched us. "You know you don't have to tell em anything right Carl? I don't need to know. You don't need to tell me because you feel like you have to." I told him, squeezing his hand gently, letting him know that he didn't need to tell me anything.

Carl nodded his head, pulling me towards a bench that faced the church, the cemetery behind it. We sat together, side by side, his hand tugging on mine as he bit his lip.

"I umm, I don't know what dad told you," he started pausing, looking to me wanting an answer.

"He didn't tell me much. Just that this group attacked you guys before you got to Terminus." I told him running my hands over my stomach as Pickle kicked.

"Those guys, they were bad. I understand that." He mumbled pulling his hand away from mine as he hunched forward, resting his elbows on his knees. I could tell there was something big he needed to get out, not because he felt like he had to but because he wanted to. "They beat Daryl, they were gonna kill dad. And then they were … they were going to … I … how can … I'm so,"

"Hey, hey you don't need to tell me," I whispered wrapping my arm over his shoulder, pulling him into me as he rested his head on my shoulder. "I get what you're saying. I do and I'm sorry that it happened to you. I know you don't want me to say I know what it feels like because I don't but I know someone that's been through it. She's my best friend, I had to care for her, tell her there was something worth fighting for because she'd given up. I don't want that or you. You have family around you, we care for you honey and we'll always love you no matter what." I muttered, pressing a kiss to his head as he nodded again my chest.

"I love you," he cried letting the tears slip down his cheeks, soaking my shirt as he held me tightly to him.

"I love you more," I assured him, running my hands over his back as I sat there holding him until he was ready to toughen up again.

After everything we'd gone through, he didn't need to go through anymore shit but I knew that there was a hell of a lot more shit we'd have to go through before we'd be alright.


	50. Chapter 50

"Sweetheart," a voice mumbled stirring me from my sleep. "Foods gonna be ready soon," Rick announced pressing his lips to my cheek as he helped me to my feet. After I spoke with Carl earlier I came back into the church to rest while he wanted to spend time outside. The only comfortable place I could find to sleep was on the floor by one of the overturned pews. I piled what blankets we had in here and curled up on my side. "You feeling okay?" my husband asked as I grabbed hold of him arm as I got to my feet.

My head spun, white dots creeping through my vision as a stinging pain swam around my head. It had been a while since I'd had one of these headaches, not since we left the prison. But with me being this far into the pregnancy I could only guess what it meant, and when I said guess I knew what it meant.

"Just a little dizzy," I admitted leaning against his body as I took a deep breath in. It would go away after a couple of minutes, all I'd need to do is drink a bottle of water and eat.

"Fay?" he questioned knowing I would hide if I was in any actual pain. There wasn't anyone here besides me that had any medical training, Kelly wasn't here and Hershel was dead. Rick wasn't stupid, he knew I wouldn't draw attention to myself in this crappy world when I thought the others needed to be cared for.

"Just need food," I told him looking over to the table that had been set up with different open canned food.

"Okay, you sit down here," he grumbled sitting me on one of the pews, as he glanced around. "I'll get ya some food." After his words he rushed off to the food table, no doubt wanting to get as much food into me as he could while we still had the chance.

I watched him as he piled a plate high, I could guess that it was for me. He was talking to Michonne as she stood beside him, piling her own plate of food. Her eyes shot over to me before she turned back to Rick, mumbling something. I sighed in annoyance at my husband but knew he was doing what he thought was right.

"Someone was calling for their mommy," Beth called out in a song as she had a fighting Theo in her arms. The little boy was reaching out for me, his face washed red as he scrunched up his nose in annoyance. I chuckled at his antics, leaning forward and pulling the boy from Beth's grip. She gave me a smile before sitting down on my left side. "As soon as he saw Rick helping you up off the floor he was reaching for you." Her eyes rested on Maggie as her sister stood, a fussy Judith in her arms. "Judy doesn't look happy,"

"I think she's getting a bit jealous. Actually I think there's a bit of sibling rivalry going on between the four of them," I told her watching as Carl took Judy from Maggie before coming over to us. We looked to Judith as her eyes dropped to Theo, chuckling when her face dropped and her eyes filled with tears. "Little jealous monkey," I cooed to her as Carl sat down at my feet, trying to hold onto Judith as she lunged forward towards me and Theo.

"Oh come on Judy, mom's already got Teddy, you have to share her," Carl whined when she cried out, hitting him in the face.

"Teddy?" Beth asked looking at Carl with a frown on her face. I liked the nickname Carl gave his brother, I felt like we over used Theo too much and Teddy was a nicer way to call him by his given name. Theodore was a bit long now-a-days and I think Teddy fit him well, he certainly looked like a teddy bear with his chubby cheeks.

"I like Teddy," I told her, lifting the boy in my arms, his feet resting on my hips, under the bump. "Teddy Bear, shall we call you that now mister?" I asked him pressing my lips to his head as he giggled. This of course caused Judith to get in a mood.

"What's wrong Monkey?" Rick asked the little girl as he settled on the floor beside me, resting the large plate of food between us as he reached out and took Judith. She pushed her lips out, her baby blues locking with the matching eyes of her dad before leaning forward and rested her head against his shoulder.

"She's just jealous," Carl grumbled looking between his siblings before sighing deeply.

"You jealous too Carl?" Beth asked him, a smile tugging at her lips. Carl glanced to her, his face in a frown as he chewed at his bottom lip.

"No," he moaned, rolling his eyes before turning away from us, looking to Lily as she sat with Becca, Maggie and Glenn. "I'm gonna sit with Lily," he added, getting up quickly and rushing to the brown-haired twelve-year-old. Lily smiled brightly when Carl sat beside her, the two of them moving away from the others and over to sit on one of the pews as they spoke in hushed voices. Carl's eyes lit up as he listened to Lily talk, leaning towards her slightly.

"Err, I think you're gonna need to have the talk with him soon," I mumbled to Rick, nodding towards our thirteen-year-old as he leaned closer to Lily. Rick glanced over, his face turning into a frown.

"Carl and Lily?" he asked sounded confused as I nodded my head, my lips twitching as he looked over again in surprise. "Our Carl and Little Lily?"

"She's only a year younger than him, he's thirteen now Rick. I bet you were a horny little bugger at thirteen." Rick's smirk was enough to tell me that it was true.

"Sweetheart, I'm a horny bugger now," he stated, leaning over and pressing a kiss to my lips as Beth groaned in disgust.

"Hello, eighteen-year-old girl here that doesn't want to listen to this," she announced grabbing hold of Theo's arm as he tried to hit his dad.

"No one told you to sit there," Rick teased, flashing the blonde a smile as Judith looked up, grabbing hold of his beard. She loved that thing almost as much as me.

"Rick!" I laughed as Beth shifted away slightly showing him that she was willing to move away if it called for it.

"Come on, eat." He said, punching the plate that sat between us closer to me. The plate was piled high with food, a lot of it finger food, many consisting of dried fruit, crackers, potato chips and any easy finger food that wouldn't make a mess.

"Rick, I don't think I'll eat all this," I told him looking at the mound of food he'd placed on the plate.

"It's not just for you, Pickle needs to eat and so do I," he stated as if it was obvious as he picked up a small cracker, breaking it up into small pieces for Judith. It seemed Judith had other plans as she lifted a piece of cracker, placing it in her dad's mouth. "Yummy," he mumbled, pretending to eat her fingers.

"I'd like to propose a toast," Abraham announced standing from where he had sat with Rosita and Eugene. Everyone glanced to him, the chatter dying down as we took in this large form of a man. I could see he had an agenda, probably to do with Washington, I had heard him talking about it with Rosita earlier this afternoon as they worked on the bus. "I look around this room, and I see survivors. Each and every one of you has earned that title." He gave a smile, one I knew must have been a rare genuine one and not that cocky smile I had seen on his lips many times since meeting him the day before. "To the survivors!" he yelled out raising the glass that held the communal wine Gabriel had handed out. Unlike the others I raised my bottle of water sharing a look with Rick as he sipped his wine, his eyes locking with mine over the rim of his cup. A heat filled my belly as I saw the hunger in his eyes. I was thrilled to see the way his eyes dropped down from my face, his eyes settling on my chest before the dropped down to my noticeable pregnancy. It was quite complimentary knowing he still wanted me even though I has over six months pregnant, but then I realised it was his child I was carrying. He'd gotten the same when I carried the twins.

"Cheers!" cheered every one, sipping at their wine, laughing and congratulating each other. I hadn't seen anyone this spirited long before the prison fell. There were never times where we drunk at the prison, celebrating anything. I think the last time we had a celebration was Carl's birthday. And that was over six months ago.

"Is that all you want to be?" Abraham asked just as I was expecting. I knew there was more to his toast than that to celebrate. "Wake up in the morning, fight the undead pricks, forage for food, go to sleep at night with two eyes open, rinse and repeat?" he paused looking around at each member of the old group, his eyes lingering on me and Rick as he spoke. It was obvious he knew Rick was our leader, it must have been obvious since he first laid his eyes on my husband. "'Cause you can do that. I mean, you got the strength. You got the skill. Thing is, for you people, for what you can do, that's just surrender." He knew what to say to get into someone's head. I knew Rick would be thinking this over now, thinking he'd left us to surrender to the walkers, left us living a life that's not even worth living. But surely my husband knew that we'd rather be here together, with our family than dead because we'd forgotten the world we were in, trying to make the most of it, recklessly. "Now, we get Eugene to Washington and he will make the dead die and the living will have this world again. And that is not a bad takeaway for a little road trip." His voice rose as he looked to Eugene. When I first saw Eugene I would have never guessed he would be the solution to all this, he looked like your average guy, but when he spoke there was intelligence, but I wasn't sure it was what he made it out to be.

"Shh," Rick cooed as Judith mumbled out, startled at Abraham's raised voice. I guess she wasn't used to people like Abraham being so loud. We'd all be so quiet in the prison, trying not to bring attention to ourselves.

"Eugene, what's in DC?" Abraham asked, knowing himself what the man would say but asking so we would understand.

"Infrastructure constructed to withstand pandemics even of this fubar magnitude." He was smart, I'd give him that but could we really put our trust in him? "That means food, fuel, refuge. Restart." That was what we thought Terminus would be but look how that turned out. The prison had been the same, a restart but that hadn't gone too well either. I was finding it hard to believe that there was any type of real restart out there for us.

"However this plays out, however long it takes for the reset button to kick in, you can be safe there. Safer than you've been since this whole thing started." Abraham was a man on a mission and I knew he wouldn't stop until he had us all going with him to DC. "Come with us. Save the world for those little ones. Save it for the new one. Save it for yourselves. Save it for the people out there... who don't got nothing left to do except survive." My heart pounding in my chest as I looked down to Theo on my lap. He was playing with a toy car Carl had found earlier without a care in the world. He was still a baby, he had no clue what was out there in the world, willing to rip him away from me.

I glanced to Rick, already feeling his eyes on me as I looked away from our son. I could see in his eyes that he was waiting for me to make the decision. A small smile, a tug of my lips was enough to tell him that I was willing to do anything to keep the twins and Pickle alive. He chuckled at my confirmation, turning to look at Michonne on his right, his eyes gazing around at everyone else in the church that made up our family.

They all looked hopeful, wanting this dream just as much as we did. Judith chose that moment to mumble in her dad's arms, it sounded very much like she said 'yeah'. Theo, at his sister's noise, tried to climb out of my lap, reaching for his dad as well.

"What was that?" Rick asked looking down at Judith, his eyes flashing to mine for one last confirmation before looking to Tyreese and Michonne on his right. "I think she knows what I'm about to say." The smile on his face was amazing to see, I hadn't seen him smile in such a long time. "She's in." Theo cried in excitement at to happiness in Rick's voice, causing his dad to widen his smile. "He's in. If they're in, I'm in. We're in." his words held suck an impact. It was like everyone was waiting for those words because the tension that was holding them together slipped, allowing them all to relax once again. Rick stood then, placing Judith on the floor beside me as he went over to Carl, no doubt making sure the boy was okay with our new plans.

I watched him as he leant on the pew Carl sat on, leaning over the boy slightly as he talked to him, making sure he was fine and probably to reassure him that we'd be fine. I didn't really care what he was saying to Carl, I just wanted to be in Rick's arms. I bit my lip as I titled my head to the side, taking in the beautiful form that was my husband. I gotta say the end of the world had definitely been an improvement to his physique, take away all the injuries he'd sustained over the two years, and he sure was an attractive male.

"Why don't you tell him that then?" Beth mumbled taking Theo from my lap as Michonne moved over, taking the place Rick had sat in before he moved. The darker woman smiled crudely as she took Judith's hand in hers running her finer around the girl's palm.

"I said that out loud?" I asked terrified that I had muttered something so mortally embarrassing out loud.

"Yeah … or you could show him," Michonne stated lifting Judith from the floor as she gave me a pointed look. "Take him outside, spend a little time together as a _married_ couple. If you get what I mean," she added wiggle her eyebrows as Judith grabbed hold of her hair. I flushed at her words, knowing exactly what she meant by that.

"Even if I wanted to take him outside for a few moments of … privacy, there would be nowhere safe to get down to … to do that," I stuttered feeling the heat rush to my cheeks again as I talked about having sex with my husband in front of these two. It shouldn't matter really and I don't know why I was getting do embarrassed by it, the large bump set between my hips was proof enough that Rick and I enjoyed a certain part of our marriage.

"The short bus," Michonne said simple as if I should have thought about doing it before we even ate. It was true, it had been a long time since I had been with Rick like that, months actually due to everything coming along at the prison. After this baby came along we had been so busy and I hadn't reached the libido I was feeling now. It seemed now, heavily pregnant that I was my sex drive was actually going into overdrive.

I sighed deeply before getting up, shooting the two of them glares as they chuckled. It wasn't like was giving in because they told me too, it was rather the act that I don't think I could go another day without jumping on my husband and taking advantage of any time we had alone. They were giggle like little high-school girls that had their first crushes, it was silly of them really but at least they were having some fun. It was nice to see the smiles on their faces.

"Hey honey," I smiled leaning into Ruck as his hand settled on my lower back, his lips coming to the side of my head. "You wanna go take a walk?" I asked looking up at him, giving him a look that stated I wanted to do more than take a walk but wouldn't say it in front of Carl.

"I'd love to," he answered, his eyes telling me he knew exactly what I was hinting at. The way he clenched his jaw, had me biting the inside of my cheek as I tried to fight off hot thoughts in front of Carl. Something about him being there made em feel bad because I was aching for him dad. Oh god, even my thoughts had a libido of their own. "Come on," he mumbled taking my hand in his, dragging me through the door and out of the church.

* * *

"That was amazing," I choked out, feeling my chest shake as Rick chuckled at my words. We were at the back of the short bus, me in his lap as he held me tightly to his chest. It was hot in here, the windows steamed up, the seat slick with our sweat but in that moment I didn't care how crude we had been because I hadn't felt happier in long time.

"Who knew you were such a wild thang in bed," he teased pressing his lips to my neck as his hands slid up from my bum, to my hips. I pulled away from him, my hands tugging his hair so he'd look at me.

"I love your hair like this," I told him, running my fingers through his wet curls as they clung tightly to his head due to the sweat.

"And I love your hair like that," he replied tugging on my wild hair as it hung down my back, resting on his legs as I sat on his lap. It needed cutting but every time I mentioned it to him, he stopped me from cutting it. Now-a-days I put it in a braid, letting it hang over my shoulder because it was too dangerous to have it down.

"You know I feel bad about sneaking in here," I grumbled resting my head on his shoulder as his hands ran up and down my spine. After everything that had happened I felt a bit selfish sneaking off to have fun with my husband. I knew we needed it, the time alone between the two of us because needed it.

"We didn't sneak, Michonne and Beth knew we were coming out here." He mumbled tugging my hair into a braid as he pressed a kiss to my neck. I had taught him a long time ago how to braid my hair, because he'd had this thing about playing with my hair after sex. "Michonne even winked at me when we left." I chuckled at his words, pulling away from him, tugging my camisole back on before pulling on Rick's discarded button-up.

"We should head back, the twins will get cranky soon." I sighed remembering how they got in the little house we'd found after the prison fell when I'd taken a nap without them. They'd screamed for half an hour, only settling when Carol came to get me.

"Yeah, they've been a bit … competitive the last couple of days." I could hear the confusion in his voice.

"It seems all three of them have a bit of sibling rivalry going on." I told him climbing of his lap, pressing my lips to his head as he lifted his hips, sliding his boxers and jeans back up. Giving him a cheeky smile I slid my knickers and jeans back up, tugging at the waistband of my jeans as they dug into Pickle's bump. "I'm gonna need new jeans,"

"Hey I think your jeans fit perfectly," Rick grumbled, his eyes running over the form fitting jeans as they hugged my ass and legs. I smacked him over the head, laughing as he pulled me down onto his lap once again, his lips pressing against mine, his tongue tracing my lips before he pushed it into my mouth, deepening the kiss. I could get used to this, being this intimate with Rick again without having to worry constantly about keeping on guard. I knew that Michonne had probably been on watch since em and Rick left, she knew what we were going off to do so I had no doubt she was watching to make sure we were safe. It was wonderful to know someone was watching our backs and it not always having to be down to Rick.

"Is that Sasha?" I asked as Rick helped me down off the bus looking over at the woman as she stepped out of the church, rifle in her hands as she set off towards the woods.

"Fay, get inside and tell Tyreese to come out here," Rick ordered pushing my towards the church softly, his hand grabbing for his gun as his other pulled out a flashlight from his belt. I didn't argue with him as I rushed up the steps of the church, giving him one last look before slipping into the building.

* * *

They didn't exactly sneak into the church when they came in, their feet making loud noises in the building as they echoed and bounced off the walls. I suppose they were coming in quietly but to us, hidden away in Gabriel's office the footsteps were loud. I shared a glance with Beth as Becca stifled a cry, burying her head into Beth's chest so she wouldn't make a noise.

Lily rested her hand on her sisters back, looking to Carl as he stood before us, his gun aimed at the door, his eyes drifting behind him to the twins every other minute. He was taking what Rick said to heart and definitely taking what his dad didn't say even worse. Rick had asked him to protect us, to make sure we stayed safe. The thing my husband didn't say but made obvious was that he would never forgive Carl if anything happened to either me and Pickle or the twins. It was cruel to put that pressure on Carl's shoulders but I knew Rick didn't mean it, Carl just understood his dad that way. The two of them so alike they really didn't have to say everything for the other to understand.

"Well, I guess you know we're here." This was the first time I had heard this Gareth guy speak, and I only assumed it was him because I knew form listening to the others that he was the leader. Why would anyone other than the leader of the left over Terminus lot speak? "And we know you're here." I could tell that he was smart, the way he spoke was enough to tell me that. He sounded like he was calculating everything he said and did. No doubt a control freak. I mean he'd have to be a control freak after everything that went on at Terminus. "And we're armed. So there's really no point in hiding anymore." I flexed my fingers over my gun at his words. They were armed, but so were we. I mean there was only four of us really capable of protecting everyone in here but that would do. Rosita and Tyreese wouldn't let anything happen and I knew Carl would do anything to keep the twins safe and I defiantly wouldn't let any harm come to anyone here. Beth would be helpful as well but she couldn't really use her gun due to her broken wrist. Becca cried out softly as Gareth's voice grew louder.

"Shh," Beth whispered, her voice barely reaching my ears as she ran her left hand over Becca's hair.

"We've been watching you." So Daryl had been right about that. "We know who's here." This was slightly horror movie material. "There's Bob, unless you've put him out of his misery already." I glanced to Bob at these words giving him a small smile as he flinched at the indication behind Gareth's words. He was going to die eventually, there was no stopping that. The bite in his shoulder was enough for everyone to understand that. And Eugene. Rosita. Martin's good friend Tyreese. Beth. Becca. Lily. Carl." Gareth paused there, making it seem like he thought the twins weren't here but that disappeared when he added the twin's names to the list. Theodore. Judith." I hated the fact that he said their names, I hated the fact that they had said any of their names. "Let's not forget Fay, yeah I know a lot about you." My body tensed at his words and I shared a glance with Carl as he looked to me. "You're Rick's girl huh, you look a lot different than your picture … a lot rounder." I had never really meat someone that had made em feel sick without having looked at them. "Don't worry though, I gotta say, I really like it. All that baby fat, yum, it'll sure taste good when I get a taste." It was cringey and I sure a shell knew that Rick wouldn't be taking this well. "Or though, I might consider keeping you. I sure know you're a wildcat in bed. It was a great show by the way. Who knew a pregnant woman could do all that?" the look Carl was giving me was one I really couldn't deal with right now. Sure the adult would understand what Gareth was talking about and I knew Carl understood parts of it but he didn't need to be hearing it. "Rick and the rest walked out with a lot of your guns." I placed my finger over my lips as Carl took a step forward, words wanting to come out his mouth.

"Listen, we don't know where you all are, but this isn't a big place. So let's just stop this now before things get more painful than they need to be. Look, you're behind one of these two doors and we have more than enough firepower to take down both. Can't imagine that's what you all want." I knew he was logical, it was a very well thought out plan. "How about this?" Gareth called out an inquisitive tone to his voice. It was almost as if he was teasing us. Waving something in front of our faces that we really wanted. "Fay, you come with us and the others get to walk away from this." Carl bristled at his words and it seemed that Tyreese and Rosita didn't like this either, stepping forward, their hands tightening on their weapons. "Just step out and come to me and the others can go. I'll even let you keep the babies. What do you say?" he asked as if I really had to think about it. If I knew that Rick and the others weren't outside ready to come in I wouldn't have hesitated with an answer. I would have given myself over without complaint but knowing what the plan was, I stayed where I was.

I could hear them outside the door, no doubt ready to break the door down to get to us. Judith's cry sounded out in the room, echoing through the room, alerting anyone outside which room we were in. I dropped down to the floor beside the basket she was in, resting my hand on her belly, trying to sooth her. By the way she was grabbing at her teeth I knew it was probably her tooth coming through. The medicine we had given her had probably worn off by now.

"Shh, hey, it's okay," I whispered to the girl not wanting to speak louder because of the threat outside.

"It's your last chance right now to tell us you're coming out." Could someone please shot him right now? His voice was grating on my nerves.

The muffled sound of guns firing and two thuds confirmed that Rick and the others had arrived. I couldn't hear what they were saying, until Rick got closer. To be honest I didn't really want to listen in on what was happening. I knew what was happening, Rick was going to kill Gareth and I knew it would be violent.

My husband wasn't one to let someone walk over him, defiantly not in this world, nit when there were threats to me and the kids. The look Carl had in his face let me know that he had been listen to everything being said and that he could hear his dad and the other hacking into Gareth and his people. It was vile, something that would have made me sick back in the old world but today, now, because Rick was the one doing it, my mind was changed. It was actually a little messed up because I found this attractive.

"It could have been us." His statement was true. It was nearly us and he did what had to be done.

* * *

"I'm going to miss you," I cried holding the man closer to me as he rubbed my back gently, probably trying to get away from me. I knew I was being an emotional wreck but I had my excuses.

"You'll see us again," Glenn assured me pulling away as Maggie wrapped me in her arms, her lips pressing to my head as she rocked me gently in her arms.

"Yeah, we've got to be there when this ones born," she mumbled resting her hand on my bump as she rubbed it gently. I knew that wasn't why she would be coming back to us. "And I've got to come back and make sure Bethy hasn't broken any other bones." She teased but the tears allowed me to know that she wasn't happy.

"She'll be fine," I told the woman that had grown to become my sister as we looked to the blonde as she spoke to Becca and Lily, the two of them seeming upset that Daryl wasn't here. I suppose they would be upset, Daryl was after all their father figure now. I glanced over to Abraham, seeing the look he was giving us all as he stepped away from Rick, giving my husband what looked like a map. "I should let you go, Abraham looks annoyed that he's behind schedule." I gave her one last smile as I hugged her tightly, sucking in the tears as I pulled away from her. "Please be safe," I muttered to the pair of them before looking to Tara as she hung around a few feet behind them. "You too Tara, stay safe." A little nod from her assured me that she would try.

"They'll be fine," Rick told me as he wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me into his side as we watched the church bus drive away, members of our family leaving us to do what was right in their minds. "We'll see them again," he added handing over the map Abraham had given us. A smile tugged at my lips as I read what my fellow ginger had left for my husband. _Sorry, I was an asshole. Come to Washington. The new world's gonna need_ _Rick_ _Grimes_ _._


	51. Chapter 51

The door closed with a soft thud, waking me from the slumber I had dozed into. My hand reached out, patting the bed for the small piece of me I had put there earlier only to find it missing. I lifted my head quickly, my eyes scanning the bed trying to find the missing baby.

"Theo and Judith were a pain to settle down," came the voice of my husband as he walked away from the window, climbing into the bed. His lips pressed against my head, his fingers brushed my curls away from my face, tucking them behind my ear as his lips trailed down my face, before landing on my lips.

"What about-"

"Carrie's in the Moses basket," Rick cut me off obviously knowing what I was going to ask. He couldn't blame me really, the birth of our daughter had me worried about her constantly. She, like the twins, was early and due to that she was small. So small in fact that she almost didn't make it. "She was also a pain to put to bed without her mommy to settle her down. Luckily I managed to get her to sleep by giving her a bottle of your expressed milk. She did have a lovely diaper for me to change though,"

"Rick, Hon, I really don't care about Carrie's dirty diaper." I told him turning my face to the side as I looked him over. He looked strangely beautiful in this light. Who would have thought we'd be here, somewhere safe in this shithole of a world?

After everything we had lost, everyone we had lost we had found this amazing place that kept us safe. A gated place that kept the walkers out and also kept other humans out. A place where Theodore and Judith could run around now that they were walking. A place where a little girl Carrie could grow up without having to be on the run. A place we could care for all four of our children without struggling to keep them safe and well fed. It was a piece of heaven that dropped from the sky right into our hands.

"Sorry," he grumbled pressing a kiss to my head as he pulled me into his arms, my head settling on his chest as I dropped back off to sleep.

It didn't take long for me to go into a light doze. I could never really sleep properly after the twins were born and now that Carrie was here it seemed to get worse. I wanted to be ready and up if one of them needed me. It was hard at first having three babies under one in the house, but I learnt how to deal with it after the first three weeks.

Sometime later, not sure when as it wasn't really possible to tell the exact time anymore, I woke to a gurgling sound next to me. What was Rick doing? I reached over with my hand, fumbling for the switch for the lamp in the bedside table before clicking it on. The sight before me hand my scrambling back, off the bed. I landed on the floor with a painful thud but couldn't care less in this moment.

There, lying on the bed where my husband was, was a walker. To be exact it was Rick. But not Rick. It wasn't the man I had married. No. This was a walker version of my husband.

How that had happened I had no idea. He was perfectly fine the night before. There was no fever and from what I could tell he hadn't been bit, so I wasn't sure how he ended up like this now. A painful thought had me thinking about him dying in his sleep. It was so easy for it to happen. He could have choked in his sleep, had a heart-attack, anything. There were so many possibilities for him to end up the way he was now. So many and I didn't want to think about any of them.

A shrill cry from the Moses basket had the walker's attention towards my new-born daughter. He snarled in her direction, crawling from the bed, towards her. No. I wouldn't let him get her. Stumbling to my feet, I staggered passed the walker form of my husband and stood protectively in front of Carrie in her cradle. I had no weapon but I would fight him off.

It felt like I was waiting for years before the walker reached me, his rotted hands reaching towards me. With a snarl of my own I pushed at his shoulders, forcing him down to the floor. Without a weapon the only way I could kill him would to be bashing his head in. I cringed at the thought, remembering that this was my husband. Not anymore. Stop. Keep your head clear. This is not your husband anymore. With that I clenched my teeth and brought my foot down. It was hardly effective, doing no damage to him. Before I had the chance to draw back my leg, his teeth sunk into my flesh, drawing out a piercing scream from me.

It was painful, almost as painful as child birth but I don't think I could ever experience something worse than bringing a human into the world. I knew what this meant now and I was more determined to end him before I died. If I could finish him off and then grab the gun from his bedside table I could stop myself from turning and harming Carrie. Bringing my foot down on his head I was satisfied as it caved in. I could feel his skull piercing my foot but that didn't matter anymore. I was already infected. I repeat the action again and again until my husband's brains covered the floor.

I was breathing heavily, the sound not entering my mind as I limped toward Rick's colt on the bedside table. Over Carrie's screams I could hear banging on the door. I knew the others must have heard my scream and came rushing but I had to end this before they could stop me. Picking up the cold metal in my hands I turned towards the door as it opened, gun to the side of my head.

Carl's face was the last thing I saw before closing my eyes as I pulled the trigger.

" _Mom_!" his voice was fierce but I was confused as to why I could still hear it if I was dead. "Mom!" he repeated sounding closer to em this time. Feeling him hovering before me I slowly opened my eyes, blinking as the light blinding me for a moment. "You were having a nightmare," Carl stated handing me a bottle of water as he looked at me carefully.

"Oh," I mumbled feeling the sweat sticking to me as I gulped down the water. That would explain everything then. It had felt so real though. The fear, the pain. Everything.

"What was it about?" he questioned, tilting his head to the side like his dad did. He looked like Rick so much. For a thirteen-year-old he sure as hell looked and acted a lot older. I never wanted this life for him, but I was thankful he was still alive. "You look like shit," he added, a small smiling flirting across his lips as he looked me over. I could ignore the language he used then just to see that smile on his face again.

"Your dad turned in the night. He was trying to get to Carrie but I stopped him. I got bit though, had to end myself before I turned." I told him bluntly knowing he would feel better knowing. I knew he had dreams about those men that attacked him and knew he would be more than likely to open up if I told him my fears.

"Who's Carrie?" he questioned looking confused at my words. I smiled then, rubbing my hands over the large baby bump. Was this a girl? I was so sure it would be a boy. I just had this feeling it was a boy but was my subconscious telling me something?

"The baby," I told him watching as his face lit up at the thought of the baby.

"Would you really call her Carrie though?" he asked, scrunching up his nose at the thought. I chuckled at his expression, shaking my head as I let him help me up off the couch.

"Not a chance," I grumbled, stretching as I slowly walked towards the door that led to the main part of the church. "If this baby's a girl she'll be called Winifred-Ivy," I told him smiling at the name I had discussed with Rick.

"I'm not calling her Winfred," Carl groaned sounding disgusted by the name. "It's such an old fashioned name."

"Says the boy who named his sister Judith," I reminded him rolling my eyes as he got a defensive look on his face. "You can call her Freddie," I sighed preferring the nickname Freddie but not wanting to call her that.

"Freddie," he tested the name out, repeating it a few time before nodding his head. "I could deal with that. What about a boy's name?" I shrugged at that, not knowing what name to settle for. I had three and I wasn't sure what to use.

"Urgh, I'll choose when the baby gets here," I told him looking around for Rick, not being able to find him. "Where's your dad?"

"Talking to Daryl outside." Carl answered nodding towards the closed door where Michonne stood, as if she was guarding them.

"Daryl's back?" I asked the tone of my voice lightening at the thought of the hunter. "And Carol?" I added noting that the boy said nothing about her.

"No, she didn't come back with him." I frowned at his words. Did he mean to say she was dead? "He brought back some kid though, older than me, older than Beth, but still a kid." He added when he saw the confused look on my face. I nodded at his words, leaving him as I walked toward Michonne. I could already tell that she'd let my passed without stopping me, but she'd be watching my every step or even joining me when I left the church.

I saw Rick talking to Daryl, the two of them chatting quietly between themselves as Sasha stood close by, her eyes resting on a young, black boy around about Beth's age as he talked to Tyreese. Who was this boy?

"Rick," I called out cautiously as Daryl and my husband looked over to me. I guess I looked worse than Carl stated as both of them frowned before coming to my side.

"Are you okay?" he asked as soon as he reached me, his fingers brushing my cheek as he titled my head up. I could feel the stickiness of my eyes, knowing I must have been crying in my sleep at some point. "Is it the baby?"

"No just a stupid dream," I told him, giving him a small smile as I looked to Daryl. He looked concerned, his lip bleeding lightly as if he had been biting it. "Where's Carol?" I asked knowing she was with him the night before when the two of them disappeared.

"She got taken," Rick answered for Daryl his eyes settling on the boy Sasha was watching before looking back to me. "The same people that took Kelly have her." My heart stopped at his words, the muscle in my chest pounding heavily in my chest as I thought about my best friend. Was she okay? Was she even alive?

"How do you know?"

"Noah was with her, she helped him escape." Rick told me as he waved the boy, Noah, over with Tyreese and Sasha. He couldn't have been older than twenty-one, his face was too young for him to be any older. There was something wrong with his leg as well, if the limp was anything to go by.

"Why couldn't Kelly come with him?" I demanded as the boy arrived next to us. His eyes were focused on my stomach, it was starting to get old now. People assumed no one in this world would ever have children again. Guess what? This would be the third baby born into this family, pal.

"Tell 'er," Daryl growled out to Noah, the boy obviously seeing Daryl as a leader figure. I suppose he would. Daryl must at least like the kid in some way because he would have never brought him back here, not where the youngest of our family were.

"Kelly stayed behind with Sally. Not all of us could make it out, Sally was with Dawn when we planned the escape. Kelly went back to care for Sally." Noah explained his dark eyes looking at me with sympathy as he glanced between Daryl and Rick.

"Who the fuck is Sally?" I asked feeling the anger burn with in my veins at this Sally-chick. Was she the reason my best friend wasn't here?

"Fay," Rick warned obviously not liking the use of language I had used. He could piss off. I knew what his language was like when those Terminus bastards trapped them in the storage containers. Carl wasn't beyond getting his dad into trouble yet.

"No, don't Fay me! Who the fuck is this Sally chick?" I snapped, the baby kicking against me harshly as my fury ruled over my emotions. I settled my hand over the bump, soothing down the baby inside. So I guess I could have tried to be calm about it. It wasn't good for the baby to get stressed.

"She came in a few weeks ago, she's about sixteen." Noah explained noting the annoyance burning inside me as he looked at me carefully. "She was chased by this group of guys a few miles outside Atlanta. She came to Grady a week before Kelly. One of the men she ran from shot her in the face. Was holding a gun in her mouth, trying to scare her when a group of walkers attacked. Left her for dead but a few of the men at Grady got her before she died." That poor girl. Now I really felt bad for shouting. She was just in this messy work like the rest of us. "Kelly didn't want to leave without her. Not with those people there. Plus there was a woman that worked for them, Kelly seemed to know here. Holly something." Holly-Marie? Our Holly? I shared a look with Rick wondering if this could be Holly from the hospital. The same Holly that was a bridesmaid at our wedding.

"We're going to get them right?" I asked looking to Rick now before sliding my eyes to Daryl. "Kelly and Carol? We are going to get them right?"

"We are," Rick agreed his eyes flashing to Tyreese and Sasha as they nodded along with Daryl. "You're staying here though."

"What! I don't think so!" I clenched my hands as I tried to calm myself down. Logically I knew I was being stupid, but I had to go as well. I bet there would be thousands of people out there shouting at me telling me to stay back at the church, that this was no place for a pregnant woman but I had to go. This was Kelly we were talking about. "Why's Carol there? Why didn't she come back? There must be a good reason why she isn't with us now."

"She was hit by a car," Daryl grunted sounding as if he blamed himself for it. And he probably did. He would always blame himself for things like this. At the news I felt bad for immediately feeling smug. Poor Carol was probably in pain and hurt really bad and here I was thinking this could be my way to let Rick go.

"She'll need me. If Carol's hurt badly, I'll have to go there. You can argue all you want Rick but we both know this is probably the safest place for me." I looked at him then glancing around the small group of six we were in. "I'm taking it all of you are going?" I asked nodding to the five of them as they stood watching me. I would want Michonne to stay with the kids. Rick nodded at my words, his jaw clenched as he tried to keep his anger and annoyance in. "What place could be safer for me? This church that's near that school full of walkers or with you, Daryl, Tyreese and Sasha. If I stay here you'll only blame yourself if something happens to me. Do you really want Carl or the twins to lose you as well? You'll end up going crazy again. I can't have you like that around the kids. If I'm with you I promise not to fight. I just have to be there. If I go with you I'll do everything you tell me to. I'll stay in your sight, hell I'll let Tyreese babysit me if it lets me go with you." I told him, grabbing hold of his hand as he went to walk away. "And if you don't let me go with you I'll only end up following you."

He knew just as I did that it was the best possible plan that kept me alive in all of this.

"Fine." He agreed leading us all into the church where he would no doubt tell everyone our plans.

It was a few hours later when Rick glanced at me across the room where he was stood with Judith in his arms, Michonne talking to him that I knew it was nothing to be proud of. Getting my own way wasn't something to jump over the moon about. I would get a shit load of whining from him when we were alone. He'd tell me that I was being reckless, putting my life and the baby's life at risk by going out there with him. Carl wouldn't be happy about it either. He would think there would be a possibility of losing both parents. I would take it all though, the shouting, the arguments, everything. I would take everything to ensure that Kelly got back to us. Those two girls needed her.

I would be willing to do everything for her.

Plus we were going to a hospital. I bet there was technology there that was still working, the way Noah explained things to me when I spoke to him, checking over his leg, I knew there was some power still there working. If anything I could get a check-up for the baby. I bet there were loads of ultra-scanning machines just hanging about.

Either way, me going with them and turning up at Grady could be seen as a good thing whether my husband would agree with me or not.


	52. Chapter 52

Carl's muddy shoes by the front door here the cause of many problems when I returned from the store with a whining Judy and a grumpy Teddy. The two of them had been nightmares in the store. Screaming nonstop, crying when I wouldn't give them attention because I was actually doing the shopping. I wish I had taken Carl with us now.

"Carl!" I shouted, hoping that the thirteen-year-old would hear me. He was probably in his room with his best friend Patrick, the two of them battling on his gaming console. "Carl!" I snapped, ignoring Judith as she screamed for my attention while I pulled Theo from the double buggy. I wish that boy would listen when I called him the first time. I could really do without all this shouting and crying around the house.

"What's got you so … wound up?" my husband asked coming out of the kitchen, his shirt unbuttoned as he looked down at his red-faced seven-month old daughter, screaming and reaching out for him.

"If I knew you were back early I would have waited to get the shopping done." I mumbled to Rick as Theo squirmed in my arms, his feet kicking against the obvious bump protruding from my stomach. That had been another thing I was unhappy about when in the store. The judgemental looks from the locals was enough to turn me crazy with Theo and Judy howling as well.

I could see what they were all thinking. How could she be pregnant already after having those twins seven months ago? So I might have been to blame for falling pregnant so quickly after having the twins but I would never get rid of this baby. Nor would I judge anyone else that was in this situation.

"We could have gone tonight," Rick grunted as Judith smacked him in the face, trying to climb out of his arms. She, along with Theo had just discovered the amazing skill known as crawling. They were a pain now, always getting into places they shouldn't and managing to escape from view. They were mischievous and always up to no good.

"Yeah, well I wanted to get it done before tonight. Beth's coming to stay as well while Hershel's in hospital. She wants to be closer to him and I was more than happy to let her stay here. We've got enough room, plus it's closer to Maggie and Glenn. And we have everyone coming round for dinner." I told him taking Theo into the living room, placing him into the playpen as I moved back to the front door. "Carl!" I called again hoping to god that the boy wasn't ignoring me for the sake of it now.

"Patrick's round." Rick announced, Judith out of his arms as he brought me into a hug, his lips claiming mine as his hands rested on my lower back. "They're playing Skyrim or something." He grumbled against my lips, his tongue sweeping across my bottom lip.

"Ain't that what got ya inta that mess?" the gruff voice of Daryl asked as he stepped into the house, a couple of bags in his hands as he looked between the two of us.

"You're here early," I mumbled, pushing Rick away as he swatted my bum on his way out to get the rest of the shopping.

"Rick called. Something 'bout building a swing set." The man muttered, his voice low but carrying to me clearly as he followed me into the kitchen.

"So you didn't turn up to dinner early?" I teased pulling a beer out of the fridge for him. He'd definitely need it if he was going to be building a swing set with Rick.

"Course not," he pulled his nose up at that, a typically Daryl move whenever I teased him or him me.

"Kelly's on afternoon shift today, plus she's got to pick the girls up from ballet." I reminded him, handing another beer to Rick as he joined us in the kitchen, placing the bags in the counter. "If I have to call your son one more time he's grounded until Christmas." I stated looking to my husband as he widened his eyes at the thought of Carl being trapped inside for another two months.

"He's your son as well," Rick argued, one hand holding his beer, the other hooked on his belt hoop.

"Not when he doesn't answer me when I call him," I replied unpacking the shopping as Daryl smirked over at Rick, then rushing out into the yard when I gave him a stern look. So much for Daryl Dixon being a tough guy, he almost wets his pants when a pregnant lady glares at him.

"Mom?" Carl called out looking between me and his dad as he stepped into the kitchen, empty chip packets in his hands. So he'd enjoyed his little lunch did he? I was certain that was a week's worth of rubbish in his hands.

"You left your shoes by the door," I told him, watching as his face became apologetic as he gave me a small smile, rushing out to move his shoes. Patrick gave me an awkward smile as he looked after Carl before turning back to look at me. "You staying for dinner Patrick? We've got plenty of barbeque food."

"No thank you Mrs Grimes, my mom's actually out front waiting for me now." He replied politely, giving a small wave as he followed Carl to the door.

"Such a polite kid," I declared, leaving the meat on the side, ready for Rick to sort out when he needed it later. I'd put it out in the cool box after I'd finished up in here because knowing Daryl and Rick, it'll take them a while before they figured anything out with the swing set.

"He sure is, you need me for anything before I go out back?" Rick asked, his eyes flitting around the kitchen as he looked for something he could do before he went out back with Daryl.

"No Mr Sheriff, everything is fine and dandy here with me at the moment." I laughed, placing a kiss to his cheek as I handed him a pack of cookies for him and Daryl to munch on while they took their time debating the best way to build the swing.

"Just yell if ya need anything," he stated, taking the cookies and leaving me alone.

"When's Beth getting here?" Carl asked, hopping up on the counter as he looked over to me, a frown on his face as he glanced out of the kitchen window.

"Glenn's picking her up about six and then they're coming over here for dinner."

"Who's coming tonight anyway?" Carl wondered, his fingers tapping his leg as he glanced at the side food all set up on table ready for tonight. That was only the stuff that didn't need cooking or coming out of the fridge.

"Well, Beth, Glenn and Maggie are coming obviously. Daryl's out back with your dad. Kelly's bringing Lily and Becca after she finishes work. Carol's bringing Sophia and Merle's girls, you know Lizzie and Mika? He'll be here with Dale later on when they finish up at the shop. Tyreese, Karen and Sasha are coming as well, and they're bringing that new girl from the station, Tara?"

"Is that all?"

"No, Abraham and Rosita are coming and I'm sure Andrea's coming as well but I'm not a hundred percent sure yet, she might be working. Amy's coming straight from school with Eugene, I'm still worried about him after his mom died. Amy's been trying to help him, so I think it'll be good for him to start joining us again for the weekend get together's."

"What about Michonne? She told me she was coming tonight." Carl asked quickly, his face growing worried as he thought his favourite adoptive aunt wasn't coming. I almost laughed at that.

"Of course Mich is coming. She hasn't forgotten about that comic she owes you." I told him, rolling my eyes at the look of relief on his face at my words.

"What about Noah?" Carl inquired, hoping Beth's best friend would be joining us as well.

"Well, Holly told me she was coming so I'm guessing Noah will be as well." I replied, thinking about Noah and his older adoptive sister Holly. Holly was actually a close friend of mine and Kelly's. She had even been one of the bridesmaids at my wedding.

"Do we have enough food?"

I could see where Carl was coming from. It was a lot of people. 25, not including me, Rick, Carl and the twins. That wasn't even the usual group at our gatherings, it was most of us, but there were still a lot more of us usually.

"Of course we have enough food. Everyone's bringing something with them so we'll be fine."

"I'm gonna go play with the twins before everyone smothers them later." Carl announced jumping down off the side, giving me a kiss on the cheek before leaving the kitchen.

"It's not called smothering! It's called love!" I yelled after him as I smiled at the thought of Carl playing with his younger siblings. The twelve-year gap was something we'd always worried about when I finally fell pregnant with the twins. We had been trying for years and had wanted a baby before Carl got too old but we were still young. Now with this little one on the way it was perfect with us. At least there was a small age gap between the twins and the new baby. Not a huge gap like Carl and the twins.

* * *

"So I heard my godson was missing me?" Glenn called out making his way through the front door, a large smile covering his face when he saw me.

"Glenn, Teddy's seven months old. He's not really going to miss you that much." I pointed out to the man as he looked for his godson, Beth's bags in his hands as the blonde rushed to me, wrapping her arms around my middle, or what she could of my middle.

"You've gotten so big!" she exclaimed, her hands running across the six-month old bump that was introducing the newest member of the Grimes family. "Did the doctor tell you what you're having?" she asked, her big blue eyes locking with mine as she pushed away a strand of hair.

"A girl," I whispered smiling at her softly but started frowning when she started to blur before my eyes. "Beth." I mumbled as white dots covered my vision and her face began to fade.

* * *

_"_ _And she's alright?"_

_"_ _She should be fine. Give her a few minutes to recover."_

_"_ _She's been knocked out for the last hour!"_

_"_ _She's been through a lot in the last couple of hours, she'll need to time to cope."_

_"_ _She's been through a lot in the last couple of days."_

_"_ _More like the last couple of months."_

_"_ _Dad! Is mom alright? Why hasn't she woken up?"_

_"_ _Carl, your mom's gonna be fine. She's just had to take in a lot and with the accident…"_

_"_ _You mean Kelly?"_

_"_ _Yes I mean Kelly."_

_"_ _I loved her too you know, she was my aunt and I saw her when Daryl brought her out."_

_"_ _I know and I wish you didn't have to see that but your mom was there. She had to witness it."_

_"_ _I should have made her stay with us at the church. She told me everything was going to be alright. If I made her stay, then she wouldn't be here right now. Maybe Kelly would be alive."_

_"_ _It still would have happened. Dawn's gun would have still gone off. Your mom was the one walking towards Dawn, Kelly knew what she was doing when that gun was in her hand. Noah couldn't stay here anymore and your mom was making sure he was free of this place. Kelly could see what Dawn was going to do. She took that bullet for your mom… and I'm happy she did."_

_"_ _How could you say something like that?"_

_"_ _Because I'm selfish Carl! I'm happy it wasn't my wife that was killed and I feel guilty for that. Do you think I like feeling happy that it was Kelly that died instead of Fay? I hate myself because of it and I can't change that. Two girls lost the only family they really have in this world and Daryl lost the woman he loves. I'm sorry I'm relieved that's it's not me mourning your mother and that baby inside of her."_

_"_ _I'm sorry dad. I feel guilty too. I love Aunt Kelly; I really do but I'm glad it wasn't mom either. Does that make me a bad person?"_

_"_ _No, that doesn't make you a bad person Carl."_

* * *

"Kelly what are we doing here?" I asked my best friend. We were in a darkened alley way, one that seemed rather familiar.

"I was returning the favour." She mumbled softly, her voice sounding like her own but not at the same time.

"What favour?" I questioned trying to get a look at her but noticed she was hidden in the shadows of the dark alley. I knew it was her though, I guess I was kind of sensing her presence, it was weird how I could feel it was her, but the same could be said about Rick or Carl. I always knew if they were near because I could sense them.

"Do you remember this alley?"

"Of course I do," I told her getting flash backs of the night she was talking about. I could never forget the night I took that knife because I couldn't let her get raped. I couldn't let that happen to her again.

"I had to do the same for you." She whispered stepping forward but stopping when her feet came to the edge of the light. "Look, Fay, this is going to be hard but I think you already know what I'm about to tell you."

"I don't want to know. I don't want to remember." I cried getting flashes of what she was trying to tell me. The long hospital hallway. A small group of police officers, scattered with doctors and nurses. Kelly stepping in front of me. A gun going off. Blood splattering over me. Kelly falling to the floor.

"You have to remember. You need to remember." She paused for a minute, looking down the alley where someone had stepped into the light. "I've got to go soon but let me tell you that I would do it again if I had the choice. I love you Ginger Biscuit. Tell Carl and the twins that I'll be watching over them. Treat Becca and Lily like your own and make sure Rick doesn't blame himself." She paused again, the sound of sniffling wanting me to reach out and wrap her in my arms. "Tell Daryl I love him and that he's not to blame. Tell him I'll take care of Merle and I'll see him when it's his time, but make sure to tell him that the girls are his now and that he can't abandon them because he's missing me. Make sure you tell him every day that I love him." she turns her head towards the shadow at the end of the alley and takes a few steps towards where the person is waiting. "I love you too Fay and you know I wouldn't leave you unless I really had to."

"I know," I whispered, wiping the falling tears from my cheeks as she stepped further and further away from me, never to return.

The alley started to blur, bright lights washing over the tall buildings, chasing away the darkness and I was blinded by the white lights. I raised my hands, to block the harsh lights and only pulled them away when I sensed a familiar person next to me.

"Rick," I mumbled, shuffling closer to him as I blinked rapidly, clearing the fog that had clouded over my vision.

"Hey, sweetheart," his rough voice answered making me feel better instantly as his voice warmed me from the inside. His face was a beautiful as ever, the beard a bit out of hand but I loved him with or without it – though I do prefer him with a beard. His blue eyes told me the horrors of the last few days' even if his lips were in a smile.

"I'm sorry, about Kelly," I whispered knowing he'd understand me better than anyone else.

"I'm sorry too," he softly cooed, pressing his lips to my head as he rested his chin on top of my hair.

It was never meant to be like this. The world was never meant to go through this horror. People weren't meant to die and reanimate into the undead. The undead weren't meant to kill the ones we love. They weren't meant to turn the last living humans into wicked animals that would kill their own kind in this fight for survival. We weren't meant to face the world like it was now but in some ways I'm happy that we did.

I got a new family out of it. Made a family that would protect and care for my children of anything was to happen to me or Rick. a family that would fight with us until the end. People that would do anything for any member of their family even if it meant risking their own life. And I knew that each and every member of my family would do that. Risk their life for someone in our group. Even Noah and he'd only just become a member of the family.

And through all this hell, the destruction of our lives, the destruction of the world I would always and forever be proud to call every member of our group, family.

Today and until the end. With my last breath.


	53. Chapter 53

Rick didn't speak for a long time after we both spoke about Kelly. I knew he was hurt and upset by Kelly's death, she was also like a sister to him and in this world family was hard to come by and hard to keep.

"Is Carl here?" I asked my husband remembering that I heard his voice when I was asleep earlier. If my boy was here, then my babies would be here as well.

"Yeah," Rick mumbled, pressing his lips to my hand as his thumb brushed over my knuckles. A smile came to my lips at his action. It had been such a long time since he had done that. I could remember the last time and that was way before the apocalypse hit the world. He may have done it after the walkers hit us, but this felt like before the end of the world. "Abraham and the others went back to the church, Michonne and Beth told them we came here. They got here twenty minutes after the incident," he added when I sat up slightly, keen to know about our children and the others.

"Are the twins okay? What about Lily and Becca? Jesus, who told them about Kelly? It should have been me Rick. Where are they? I need to see them; I should be with them." I fired off, trying to get out of the bed, pushing at Rick's hands as he kept me in my place. A sharp, beeping cut through the room, stopping both Rick and I from moving.

My head turned towards the machine I was used to seeing when I worked at the hospital, surprised to see that it was working and beeping very fast as my heart-rate escalated. Something that was so normal in the old world was suddenly out of place in this world.

The door pushed open quickly, allowing a blonde woman to rush into the room, a stethoscope around her neck. It took me a moment to realise who she was, the shock of seeing her making me freeze and glance to Rick quickly. It was clear now as I looked at her that she was slightly skittish as she entered the room, she had obviously thought that I didn't recognise her.

"Holly-Marie?" I whispered afraid that I might be wrong but I was sure I would be able to recognise her even now in this world.

"Heya Fay," she mumbled, her eyes lighting up as I let her know that I remembered her. She went to the NCE Monitor, pressing a few buttons and the loud, fast beeping stopped. "You need to keep yourself calm, it's not good for the baby."

"Holly said she could get an ultrasound machine in here and do a scan on Pickle for us,'" Rick announced as I continued to stare at Holly as if she was a ghost or alien.

"I can even see if we can find out the sex," Holly added, the smile on her face reminding me of many days' way before the end of the world.

"That'll be awesome, right honey? Finding out whether Pickle's a she or a he?" Rick sounded like he was trying hard to get me excited or something. Why was he trying so hard?

"Uh-huh," I was trying to make sense of what was actually happening here. It was almost like I had stepped back into the old world and everything was normal.

"I've already brought the ultrasound machine in," Holly nodded towards the table, where a portable ultrasound scanning machine sat, waiting to be used. "Let me just set it up and we can get this well under way. I can even print off a few photos for you guys before we set off out of here."

"Set off out of here?" I asked looking between Rick and Holly as they shared a look. A look that stated she shouldn't have said that yet.

"Honey,"

"Rick, I may seem fragile right now but I swear to god if you lie to me or keep things from me I'll just be pissed off. And we both know that it's not good for Pickle if I'm angry at Daddy." I added, giving him a small smile as I took his hand in mine.

"Look, we can't stay here. Not after everything with Dawn. We were only staying here for the night and we're going to set out in the morning and get as far away from here as we can." I could see the look of fail in his eyes. He was hoping to find us a place where we could reside and be safe. He was afraid that he was failing me and the rest of our family. "There's a few people from here that want to leave with us. Of course Noah, Holly and Sally are leaving with us but there are a few others as well."

"How many of us will there be then?" I asked wanting to know our group number when we left Grady. Big groups like us were seen as a danger on the road. If there were people out there, then we would be at risk of being attacked. They might think we had supplies due to the amount of us.

"Twenty-seven," Rick admitted after a few minutes of hesitation. I knew that he didn't want to tell me. It would be more stress on the baby.

"That's enough talk about shop, let's get this scan underway. The quicker we get this over with the quicker we can get mummy to her very needy babies." Holly chimed, her hand pushing up my shirt, as she squirted the cool jell on my six-month belly. Pickle jumped at the cool sting and I grabbed at Rick's hand with surprise. "Sorry," she added but I had a feeling that if I looked at her she'd be smirking.

The portable screen flashed white as Holly moved the probe over my stomach until she paused it on the unfocused image of Pickle. Touching a few buttons on the machine, the blurry image became clearer and allowed us to see the moving baby as it kicked out against the probe. It was amazing to catch that on screen.

"Look how amazing he is," Rick mumbled, his hand squeezing mine as he looped our fingers together.

"Or she," I added, not taking my eyes away from the screen. I know I had seen the baby a few days before the prison feel but somehow this was different.

"Right let's find out the sex," Holly paused for a minute then, turning to look at me as she bit her lip. "You want to know right? It doesn't matter of you don't but I don't want to spoil the surprise."

"It's fine Hols, we don't care at this point. We already have three amazing kids so it doesn't matter to us." I told her, knowing Rick felt the same way.

"Okay, then I am happy to say that the two of you are gonna be proud parents of a little …" She stared at the screen, freezing the moving images on our slightly blurry bundle of joy and pressed the button to print out the scan. She repeated it and then once again after the second print came out. "I'm fifty percent sure that you've having a little girl."

It took a few minutes for her words to sink in before the laughter bubbled from my mouth.

"Holy shit Hols," I cried, bringing my hand up to wipe away the tears as I tried to control my giggles and stop the small hiccups that had set in. I couldn't believe she said that.

"I'm sorry, I really can't tell what sex little Grimes is." She chuckled, handing both Rick and I one of the scans each, leaving the third one on the table.

"That's fine, it'll be a good surprise in this shitty world." Rick said his eyes on the scan of our little Pickle. He didn't bother looking up at her as he spoke.

"Carl asked if I could print him off a scan so," Holly handed over the third scan, the image the same as the one I had been looking at seconds ago. "Let me get you cleaned up and then you're free to see the others."

* * *

Rick helped me off the bed once Holly left with the ultrasound machine, she said something about putting it back before we left tomorrow. I could tell that the doctors and officers staying here were weary of the group. There group was almost the same size as ours, slightly bigger and I could only guess that they were wonder how we had managed to survive this long without having a setup like this.

Was this group at Grady going to be a problem for us? Where they going to try and stop us from leaving? Noah had told us all about this group and Dawn's control over them all. We didn't need this at the moment. Not after the Governor and then the lot at Terminus.

"This is so weird," I chuckled as Rick lead me out of the room we had been in and into the area that was acting as a waiting room.

Outside the room, waiting for us to leave was our family. Judith and Theo were playing on a blanket that Beth had placed on the floor, the blonde sitting next to them, stacking cups on top of each other as she pulled faces at them. Lily and Becca were sat with them, the two girls rolling a soft ball on the floor, trying to get Theo to do the same.

Sitting around them all on chairs was the others in the group. Abraham and Eugene were reading magazines, Eugene often pointing out things on Ab's magazine, a slightly smile pulling at the gingers lips as he hit Eugene's hand away. I took note of the bruise on Eugene's face, knowing how it had come to be there. Rosita was sat next to Eugene, but was instead paying no attention to them but rather talking animatedly with Tara. The two of them were trying to include Gabriel in the conversation as well but he was focused on watching the twins playing with the girls.

Tyreese was sat on the back wall next to Sasha, the two of them talking quietly. I watched as Tyreese wrapped his arm around his sister, pressing a kiss to her head. He was probably talking about Bob. Sasha had taken it hard and I wasn't surprised. Her new-found relationship with Bob had been great but unfortunately like most things in this world, good things get ripped away.

I could count myself as the rare lucky one that managed to keep her family and have children and live. That didn't last long though with Kelly gone now.

Sitting next to Sasha was Noah, he looked ragged and I knew he blamed himself for Kelly's death just like I was. Carol was next to him, her eyes flicking between the twins and Noah as she muttered something to him. by the small smile Noah gave her it took it she had told him it wasn't his fault. She had no doubt been doing that the whole time while they waited.

Maggie and Glenn were next to Carol, the two of them talking to a young red-head that kind of looked like me when I was younger. Freaky. From the way Maggie was leaning forward in her seat and the way Glenn was looking at the girl with an older brother look I could only guess that this was Sally. Even as the redhead was looking away from me I could see the nasty scar marring her right cheek. I knew Noah said she was attacked by the Claimers but I never thought she'd have such an obvious scar.

I had seen many scars from gunshots over the years, in many different places but none on the face had looked as grotesque as this one. I suppose it had something to do with it being the end of the world and the lack of plastic surgery. It was pale again her slightly tanned skin. The scar was like a star shape, yet was jagged around the edges where the stitches had been placed to hold her cheek together. Whoever had stitched her face up wasn't very good with a needle and thread.

Michonne was sat next to Sally but she had angled her body away from her so she was facing the door Rick and I walked out of. She had a comic in her hand but her eyes were on the door, as if she was guarding it from the others. Her eyes took in my form as we stepped out of the door as she sent me a small smile before nudging Carl with the foot she had resting on the chair between them.

Carl's head snapped up then and he shot out of his seat, dropping his comic on the floor as he rushed to us. Everyone's heads looked up at his movements, obviously on alert after everything that happened. I watched as everyone almost immediately straightened up in their seats.

"Mom!" Carl exclaimed, wrapping his arms around me tightly, his head resting on my shoulder as he tried not to squeeze me but failed. Running my fingers through his hair, I pressed a kiss to the side of his face. No matter how old Carl got, I always knew we'd have this bond due to the world we now lived in.

"Hey, baby," I whispered letting my eyes drop to Judith and Theo as they giggled in excitement as they looked to me. surprisingly Judith didn't start screaming for me. instead she looked to Rick and held out her arms.

"Dada," she cooed, waving her arms about, trying to get his attention. I felt Rick freeze next to me as he took a step towards our daughter. His snapped his head to me, his eyes wide as he gave me a look of shock before turning his head to Judy.

"Did she just?" he questioned looking down at our daughter as she whined for his attention. Theo continued playing with the ball Lily and Becca had been rolling on the floor, the soft red foam being chewed on his teething teeth.

"She's been saying it since you went in the room with mom," Carl told Rick, pulling away from me as he looked down at the bump that housed his newest sibling. "So am I getting a brother or sister?"

"It's a 50% chance of being a girl," I told him watching as his face twisted up in confusion before he got it.

"Haha, mom, very funning." He joked looking around at the others as they laughed at Holly's recycled joke.

"I thought it was funny," I told him, giving him a cheeky smile as my eyes settle don Daryl. "Daryl," I whispered wanting to speak to the man that had found love with Kelly. They were great together and I had taken that away from him.

Daryl looked up at my sot call, his eyes slightly puffed and shining with the tears he had shed. His eyes were red as well, a clear sign that he'd been crying but I knew he hadn't shed a tear since Lily and Becca had been here.

In the girl's eyes Kelly had become their mom in this world since tit had taken their parents and that had made Daryl their dad. He was the only family they had left besides Rick and I. we may not have been their real aunt and uncle but we sure as hell were going to treat them as such. Kelly was my sister after all, not through blood but she was still my sister. That made Lily and Becca my nieces.

"S'fine," he grunted his eyes looking over to Lily and Becca. I knew what he was worried about. Those two girls were his responsibility now. They were his family. They looked to him for everything ranging from love and protection. Sure they'd get it from everyone else in the group but Daryl was their dad.

Even if he said he was fine I knew he wasn't. Raising two kids in the old world as a single parent was hard but in this world with so many threats was a nightmare.

He'd be able to do it though. He wasn't alone in this and he never would be.

"We've got a few people for the group to meet before we settle down for the night," Rick announced to the group, Judith in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder as she smiled smugly. I guess she was turning into a daddy's girl after all.

"I heard ya say some people wanted to leave with us tomorrow," Abraham questioned looking between Noah and Sally as he directed his attention to Rick. It was known to the whole group that Noah and Sally would be joining us but they didn't know about Holly and the others.

Hell I only knew about Holly.

"Yeah, Holly, the doctor that was here a moment ago will be joining us as well." Rick told him but he hesitated at the end letting everyone else known that there were more that wanted to join us. "There are our more that want to join the group as well but I'll not let them join until we've all seen and spoken to them. We make this decision together because we're a family okay. If we can't agree on it, then we won't let them join." Rick was trying to unite us as a group again. Trying to show that no matter what happened to us we'd all be together in the end.

"But we'll let Holly come with us right?" Carl asked obviously remembering her from before this all happened. "She was out friend before all this happened. She's a doctor and mom could really do with her when we leave."

"That's right, Holly will be coming with us. I can guarantee that she's no harm and we really do need a doctor that'll help with you and the baby." Rick replied to Carl's question, obviously proud that our boy was thinking about the future and the threats presented to us.

"That woman, the new leader," Maggie started as she stood up, taking Theo from Beth as she looked to Rick. "She said they've set up a sleeping area for us all in one of the larger rooms."

"They were gonna separate us all but she took one look at Ab and Michonne when they went to argue and told us she'd sort it out," Glenn added sending a smile to the two badasses in the group that had scared the new leader of Grady.

"No one messes with our family," Abraham stated as he clapped Eugene on the shoulder. The anger that was held between them had obviously vanished. Rosita smiled at her two boys; they were her two boys no matter what anyone said.

"Shall we go and meet those who want to join us?" Rick asked, shifting Judy in his arms, holding her tightly with one arm as he wrapped the other around my waist. In silent agreement, everyone stood to follow Rick to the others. Carl went and stood right next to Michonne, making sure Maggie walked in front of them, keeping Theo in his sights as we all left.

After everything we'd been through the last few days, the last couple of weeks it would be hard for us to let these new people join our group. Of course there were people like Holly – who we already knew from before. And then there was Noah – who we'd come to know over the last night and had begun to trust. Sally would grow on us as she was a child, I'm sure Noah said she was only sixteen. That wasn't much older than Carl and wasn't much younger than Noah and Beth. We'd help to protect her as well.

The other four though, we couldn't be sure about them until we meet them and spent the night with them. I knew everyone would be on edge and if one person was unsure of one of them they'd let the group know.


	54. Chapter 54

**Hello, yes, it is I, Comet96. I know, I know, you must have all thought I was dead. I am sorry I haven't updated in such a long time, but I've really had a hard time writing for this story - not because I don't know where it's going, but because I'm not as in love with The Walking Dead as I once was.**

**I love this story, I really do, but I've found it hard to find inspiration for this story. I have these moments where I fall out of love with TWD, and while I haven't found my love for the show again, I have told myself that I need to continue this story, not only for myself but for you guys. I'll try to continue this story even if it's a struggle.**

**I just hope you all enjoy this chapter - I feel that it's a bit short, but we'll be reaching Alexandria soon. Though I am warning you guys that my story will be turning into a slightly AU story soon.**

**I hope there are still people waiting for this story to be updated and I'm sorry it's taken so long.**

**Thank you and I hope you enjoy xx Comet96 xx**

* * *

"Where's your dad?" I asked Carl as I woke from my sleep. We were in the back of a van, Beth and Lily were asleep with the twins in between them. Becca was talking to Sally as the older girl read to her from the book in her lap.

"He's gone with Noah, Michonne, Glenn and the others to Noah's settlement. You remember, don't you?" He sounded worried and I knew he was scared.

The last fifteen days had been a struggle for us with our supplies dwindling down to nothing. With twenty-seven of us, it was hard to ration the supplies that we had, seeing as it was so little. The last three days had been hell and I wasn't doing too well.

This pregnancy was harder than the last. Even though I was carrying tins the last time, this time I didn't seem to be getting enough nutrients to share between me and the baby. It was making me weak and I wasn't sure if I'd be able to make it much longer without supplies.

I knew Rick was giving me most of his rations and I had the feeling Daryl and Tyreese were doing the same. I didn't want to be a burden on the group, but I knew Rick couldn't watch me grow weaker.

"I remember, baby," I assured him, sitting up as I ran my hand over his cheek. "How long have they been gone?"

"A couple of hours. Dad checked in about twenty minutes ago saying they got there." He paused, sharing a look with Daryl as the man glanced over at us. Daryl shrugged at the silent question Carl was asking him. "It didn't sound too good."

The hope we had that this could be a safe place to live dropped at the disappointed look on Carl's face. Another place lost to the dead.

"It'll be okay, we'll find somewhere." We'd been through this before and we'd managed to survive. "We can—"

"Carol?" Rick's voice sounded urgent as he called for Carol through the walkie.

"Here," she muttered. Everyone in the truck grew tense as they waited for Rick to reply.

"We're on our way back." Static whispered through the radio making Rick's words quiet. "We lost one and Logan's been bit. We had to cut his arm off. He's alive, but I'm not sure if he'll make it."

"How far out are you?" Carol asked managing to stay calm.

How she managed to do it, I didn't know. Who was it that died? Glenn? Noah? Michonne? At least I didn't have to fear it being Rick, but Maggie might have lost her husband.

"Five minutes." His words were cut off by the static growing louder.

As if that was an order, Carol started getting together the few medical supplies we had. She turned to Holly, demanding her to gather what water could be spared.

I looked hopelessly to Daryl, only to find Tyreese settling in front of me, a soft smile playing on his lips.

"No need for you to get stressed out," he said, settling his hand on my knee. "Carol and Holly have everything under control and Bethy's going to help. You just need to rest."

"But I'm the doctor, I should be getting ready to help," I muttered weakly, trying to push myself up to help.

"Mom, you're not strong enough to get up," Carl said, his hand pressing down on my shoulder as I started to feel dizzy. He was right, but I didn't want to just sit here and be useless. "Mom, stop it."

"I can help."

"No, you can't," Carl argued, grabbing hold of my wrist and lifting my hand up. "You're shaking. You can't help." My eyes stung as tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt helpless just sitting here. "Go back to sleep, mom. You're straining yourself and you'll end up getting worse."

I knew he was right. I could feel my head getting heavier as my headache grew. I could feel my eyes drooping as my tiredness tried to take over. I could feel my whole body shaking as my hunger pains became stronger and I knew my stomach clenched with thirst.

I was growing weak and I wasn't sure how long I'd make it.

* * *

"Hey, Honey," Rick said, waking me as his fingers brushed against my cheek. I glanced at him, blinking until I saw him clearly. His face was splattered with blood and he had dark bags under his eyes from how tired he was.

"Is everything okay?" I asked, shifting up so I was leaning against the van wall. I reached out for his hand, rubbing his knuckles as he looked deflated.

"Logan lost his arm, but we managed to keep him alive." He paused, his eyes dropping to Carl as he slept next to me. I could feel the van moving, so I assumed we'd set off away from Noah's settlement. "We lost Simon."

So that was who we lost. It may have been selfish of me to say, but I was glad it was Simon we lost and not Glenn or Michonne. It may have been cruel, but I'd only known Simon for fifteen days.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, bringing his hand to my lips and pressing a kiss to his palm. "What's wrong?" I could tell that there was something else bothering him.

"We haven't got much gas left. We'll be walking soon if we can't find any more." His eyes flicked to my stomach and I knew why he was worried. He was scared I wouldn't be able to keep up.

"We'll be okay, Rick. You know that right?" He nodded but he didn't say anything else, just wrapped me in his arms and closed his eyes.

* * *

My feet hurt the most, but I wasn't going to complain about it. I told the group I was okay to walk. I told them I wouldn't hold them back. The one we should be worrying about was Logan.

Since losing his arm, he'd slowly started to go loopy as well. I had seen the look in his eyes as he looked at me or the twins. His gaze lingered, and it wasn't in a good way. It was like he was calculating something.

"We'll rest here for a while," Rick called out. He shared a look with Daryl before the hunter walked off into the woods, Carol following him. Michonne and Sasha checked the area while Rick, Glenn, Maggie, Holly, and Tyreese discussed what we were going to do next. Angelo and Michael continued to walk down the road, no doubt scouting ahead before we left.

Beth rocked a fussy Judith while Carl helped Lily change Theo while Becca stood watching in case anything happened. The younger girl had a gun in her hand as she flicked her eyes between her sister and the road.

"Bethy," I called to the girl. I could feel more than her eyes on me. "I'm just going to the toilet." I nodded to the woods only a few spaces away from us and gave her a small smile.

Beth looked concerned for a minute but relaxed when Sally stepped next to me, her gun out. Noah joined her and the two gave Beth a reassuring nod.

"You know you don't have to come with me," I said to them both as they led the way into the woods.

"Yeah, and watch the whole group go apeshit because you went alone," Sally replied, waving Noah away when I leaned against a tree and unbuttoned my jeans. "Rick would have gone with you if you asked."

"I know what Rick would do, I just need a few minutes away from him," I grumbled, trying to crouch. Sally's hand looped under my arm, giving me the support I needed to crouch. "Thanks."

"You having problems with Rick?" she asked, furrowing her brow. I laughed lightly as I rose, slipping my underwear and jeans back up.

"No, but he won't leave me alone and every look he gives me shows how worried he is." As Sally let go of my arm, I pulled my gun from my ankle.

"Stop," Noah said, causing us to look up at him in shock. Logan stood behind him, knife to Noah's throat.

"What are you doing?" I asked, gripping my gun with both hands and rising it at Logan.

"Put it down!" Logan snapped, tightening his grip on Noah. I didn't know how he was doing it with only one arm, but I knew it had something to do with his military background. "I'll kill him. I'll do it."

"What do you want Logan?" I asked stepping forward slowly. I didn't want to startle him. I didn't want Noah to get hurt.

"I want you dead." Okay, I wasn't expecting that. "I want those babies dead and I want those girls dead." A fire bubbled in my stomach at the thought of anyone hurting the twins or the girls. Why would he want to hurt them? As if reading my mind, Logan answered. "You're slowing us down. Those babies are a danger to us, they'll draw the dead in. That baby will be the end of us. I've got to end you. I've got to end it all."

I wasn't going to let that happen. I wasn't going to let anyone get hurt. I shared a look with Noah, watch as he tilted his head to the right slightly. Seeing Sally shift from the corner of my eye, I turned to look at her. She had her gun raised and was slowly moving her way around Logan. She flicked her eyes to me before nodding to Logan and Noah and flexing her hand on the trigger.

Shooting my eyes back to Noah, I watched as he solely brought his hands up while Logan kept his eyes on me. Logan was talking, no words filtering in my mind as I watched Noah grab hold on the knife at his hip. He carefully brought the knife up, making sure his movements were slow. Within a second, Noah stabbed Logan in the arm and dropped out of his embrace.

Without thinking, I fired my gun, hearing the loud crack as the bullet pierced Logan's head. At the same time, Sally shot him as well, the bullet also piercing his head. Logan's body dropped to the floor, but I glanced at Noah, watching as he held his hand tightly to his neck.

"Noah," I called, rushing to his side. His neck was bleeding, and I moved his hand away. The cut wasn't too deep, and he hadn't cut an artery. "It's not too bad, you'll be fine," I assured him taking Sally's shirt as she offered it to me.

"Fay!" Ricked yelled, rushing to join us. He slowed down as he saw Logan's body on the floor before darting his eyes to me. "What happened?"

Maggie stumbled to a stop as she joined us, Glenn, Tyreese and Carl following her. She quickly dropped to her knees beside me and helped Noah get to his feet.

"Logan wanted to kill me," I said as I got to my feet with Tyreese's help. "He wanted to kill the twins and he wanted to kill Becca and Lily."

"Why?" Ricked asked, the anger evident in his voice.

"He said they were a weakness. He said they were only a danger to us," Sally said, bending down and taking the knife from Logan. She fumbled with his shirt before lifting his gun off his body as well.

"Who killed him?" Maggie questioned, her eyes darting from Logan and Rick.

"Both of us," I answered gesturing between me and Sally. "He had a knife to Noah's throat, it was the only way."

"No one's blaming you," Glenn said, coming to my side and resting his hand on my shoulder. "He tried to kill Noah, he was going to kill you. He deserved it."

"Come on, let's get back to the others," Rick ordered, giving one last look at Logan before waving the others off. Carl came to my side and took my hand in his. "Beth's worried about you," Rick added as he walked beside us.

"I guess she would be. I told her I was going for a wee," I said, smiling a little as Rick chuckled. It was hard to hear that from him nowadays.

Michonne looked revealed when we all came stumbling out of the woods and Beth cried out in relief. Holly came to my side, her hand resting on my stomach as she gave me a questioning look.

"I'm okay, the baby's okay," I assured her, setting my hand over hers.

"What happened?" Michonne asked, looking to Rick for an answer. I could see that everyone else wanted to know as well, and I knew they weren't stupid. They'd see that Logan wasn't here.

I could see and hear Angelo and Michael rushing to us and I wondered how long it would be before Daryl and Carl returned.

"Logan tried to get to Fay to kill her. He held Noah and knifepoint, but Sally and Fay killed him before he could do much damage," Rick explained, running his hand down my back. "It's not safe to stay here. I want everyone prepared to go. Keep your eyes open. We're leaving as soon as Daryl and Carol return."

* * *

**Thank you for reading xx**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading xx


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